I am shockingly inept (or, Home Alone 23: Caught by a Cat-Muffin)

[Jibar]

I've been given free reign with the house for the next few days while the parenting units are at a funeral in Scotland, meaning I have to fend for myself.
It occurs to me that I have never, ever, in all 17 years of my life, cooked anything for myself other than toast.
Looking into the oven is like staring into the black belly of Satan, and working it is like working His own Dark Magiks.
It's enough that the toaster hates me, but I think the oven does now. I'm just waiting for the fridge to turn on me.
This sounds like a lot of incoherrent babbling, and it sort of is. I've never had the house to myself before. This is pretty much my first night alone.
It's kinda scary...

[Solo]

Order yourself some Chinese takeout, or a pizza and chill.

[Lykan]

Then order pizza?

Edit: ... damn simuposting

[Roy Tamir]

you can always eat some choclate...XD

[CrazedGoblin]

hehe, the microwave saves all!

[Solo]

Then order pizza?

Edit: ... damn simuposting

You have chosen the path of defeat.

[Jibar]

Order yourself some Chinese takeout, or a pizza and chill.

As brilliant an idea as this would be, I have neither numbers for these services, any idea where the phonebook is, and I'm very close to losing the phone.
Goodness is with no lesson first tomorrow, I'm totally open for collapsing downstairs after a night of Assassin's Creed

[Redpieper]

Make pancakes, they're easy to make :smallsmile: (don't go tossing them in the air just yet though)

[PlatinumJester]

As brilliant an idea as this would be, I have neither numbers for these services, any idea where the phonebook is, and I'm very close to losing the phone.
Goodness is with no lesson first tomorrow, I'm totally open for collapsing downstairs after a night of Assassin's Creed

No Pot Noodle is better.

[Solo]

As brilliant an idea as this would be, I have neither numbers for these services, any idea where the phonebook is, and I'm very close to losing the phone.
Goodness is with no lesson first tomorrow, I'm totally open for collapsing downstairs after a night of Assassin's Creed

I am going to assume that you have access to the Internet, so you can use the Internet yellow pages, or look up restaurants via their websites.

And learn to cook when your parents get back home.

[Jibar]

Ya know, my point wasn't so much "Oh dear crap what is wrong with the oven!?", because there is plenty wrong with it.
It was more meant to be "How do you people cope with living by yourselfs?"
I don't think I could last 10 minutes with my own apartment or something without setting fire to something.

[Redpieper]

Ya know, my point wasn't so much "Oh dear crap what is wrong with the oven!?", because there is plenty wrong with it.
It was more meant to be "How do you people cope with living by yourselfs?"
I don't think I could last 10 minutes with my own apartment or something without setting fire to something.

Trial and error mostly :smallwink:

[Skippy]

I used to live alone, and I spend most of my time alone in the house anyway. I can tell you this: As long as you are able to keep in touch with other human beings, you won't lose your mind. I know it is hard to stay home alone, mostly when you are young, but hey, that means they trust you for real (or they wouldn't have left you in charge), and most important, that they are letting you try for the first time what will be like to live on your own. So relax, you will indeed have some troubles at the beginning, but it's not the end of the world, your parents will come back and everything will be all right in no time. Enjoy it and make it the best time ever! While you are alone you can do many things you can't do when there are other people around (like eating what you like, watch the tv shows you enjoy but no one else, listen to your favourite music, go to sleep late and wake up at noon) and if it's a short time, you'll see how much you can enjoy it.

Throw a party.

[Solo]

Ya know, my point wasn't so much "Oh dear crap what is wrong with the oven!?", because there is plenty wrong with it.
It was more meant to be "How do you people cope with living by yourselfs?"
I don't think I could last 10 minutes with my own apartment or something without setting fire to something.

Get shagged?

[Vampiric]

Ya know, my point wasn't so much "Oh dear crap what is wrong with the oven!?", because there is plenty wrong with it.
It was more meant to be "How do you people cope with living by yourselfs?"
I don't think I could last 10 minutes with my own apartment or something without setting fire to something.

Hehe..... I once set fire to an electric oven. I was making pankcakes...:smalltongue:

Get something frozen (iceland if you're UK. No idea for USA) and they can usually be done in the microwave (unless it's a pizza:smalltongue:)

[FoE]

I was barely competent when I first moved out of my house, but somehow I've managed to survive on my own for nine years. And I've only had one infestation of fruitflies! :smallbiggrin:

Take this bit of advice — learn to cook something other than noodles before you head off to college/get your first job. It gets very tiresome subsisting entirely on a diet of canned food. Also, knowing how to cook impresses the ladies. :smallamused:

In the mean time, try eating eggs. Scientists have proven that even blind lobotomized monkeys can fry or boil an egg. :smallwink:

[bosssmiley]

Trial and error mostly :smallwink:

With plenty of error. :smallwink:

Jibar's kitchen-fu is weak! He fears the beeping, pinging, steam-spewing mechanisms with the slashing, and the burning, and the flesh crisped and scoooooorched! (D'hoy)

Simple solution: watch some cookery shows (recommend Jamie "Slobberlobber" Oliver, James "Yorkieboy" Martin and Gordon "£^c&!!!" Ramsey for blokefoods) and try copying the simpler stuff they do. If the morons you see on Ready, Steady, Cook can do it, then 'tis not beyond your abilities.

Graduate to the 1337 longhaired foody class with more complex recipes hosted by Nigella, Delia, Hugh, etc. only when ready. I find the extra 100% effort only gives about 10% more tastiness.

As for Heston, just ignore that loony except as a spectacle! He's got two Michelin stars and a lab in his restaurant.

There, you now have culinary skill, and chicks will dig you even more. :smallwink:

Eggy: making the menfolk better. :smallcool:

[Solo]

Jibar's kitchen-fu is weak! He fears the beeping, pinging, steam-spewing mechanisms with the slashing, and the burning, and the flesh crisped and scoooooorched! (D'hoy)


Doesn't the pink symbol uner Jibar's user name indicate a female user?

[Bookman]

Doesn't the pink symbol uner Jibar's user name indicate a female user?

You haven't been here long have you? :amused:

[Solo]

You haven't been here long have you? :amused:

You sow the seeds of your own stabbity death.

[Semidi]

I lived on my own a lot of the time when I was 16, 17, and now I'm solo at college. My best advice is to eat canned food, pre-prepared food, and eat out as much as possible and hope for left-overs.

Also, there's a book out there called "How to Cook Everything" It's my bible. http://www.amazon.com/How-Cook-Everything-Simple-Recipes/dp/0471789186/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1195762833&sr=8-1

[Illiterate Scribe]

Pasta is fine too. Easy to cook, since there's not fire/oil (although boiling water + skin don't mix!), and you can have it ... in several different varieties! :smallwink:

[Jack Squat]

Jibar: to survive cooking; just realize that recipes are just directions. and stay away from the ones that have you estimate on it (i.e. don't make your first dish chocolate mousse...been there, done that). And if all else fails, you've got lunchmeat and bread, right?

When I'm home alone, I normally sit on the computer, watch movies, or play video games. If I were to be alone for longer than a few hours, I'd probably see what my friends were doing.

[Albub]

I've been doing this since 14-ish, and the oven was only conquered this year. My suggestion is make fired eggs, which you can scramble if flipping them and keeping them intact is too hard (I make scrambled mostly). Toast is good, with other things like peanut butter on it. Fruits and vegetables are good, 'specially apples, because you can eat the skin, and the core is biodegradable. KD is good if you aren't scared of boiling water. Worst case scenario, eat a huge breakfast with like, 4 eggs and half a loaf of bread worth of toast, and then nap most of the day. When you wake up, live off apples and other raw fruits and vegetables, with the occasional granola bar for variety. Play video games to keep your mind off of food if you get hungry, and maybe do little things around the house such as clean. If you have a dog, take it outside, and lie down with it while looking up at the sky, it's immensely calming, and can occupy you for as long as 45 minutes.

[Brickwall]

Here's an easy one:

Get 2-3 eggs, a frying pan, a range (stove top), a bit of butter, and a spatula.
Light range
Place pan on range
Place butter in pan. Swirl around so melted butter coats pan. There should be little more butter than is necessary to do this
Crack eggs, and empty into pan. Throw eggshells into garbage disposal
Wait a few minutes, occasionally testing solidity with spatula
When bottom is fairly solid (but rubbery, not crisp), flip with spatula. Wait about 10 seconds.
Turn off fire
Empty eggs onto plate

You now have delicious eggs over easy. Add salt, pepper, and/or ketchup as you wish.

Also, eat fruits and veggies.

There, you're taken care of until you run out of eggs.

[Ceska]

Trial and error works quite well, but some things you simply can't screw up.

1. Get a pot. Give water into it, get some noodles. It either tells you how long to cook them, or you cook them and check by eating one or two once in a while.

2. Get a pan. Get every vegetable you have in the house. Be it in canned, deep fried or fresh. Chop the onions into tiny bits, roast them a bit in the pan with a little bit of oil. If you're me you'll now change pan and pot every few minutes since you have not more than one hotplate.

3. Chop the vegetables into pieces, get them into the pan, give water on it, get down the heat of the hotplate (or just turn it off and on when needed). If you want, use some pre-made sauce. It's not really needed though, most vegetables give a lot of taste. Making sauces yourself is a waste of effort.

4. STAY THERE. Seriously, you don't need to do x or y in the meantime. No, you don't check for mails or similar. That's when you screw up the most. As long as it isn't burnt, you can eat it, thus, just don't burn it.

5. Realise you've just cooked enough for three or four people, give salt, pepper and spices as needed. You're done. Eat it. If you survived, good. If not, take notes on what you should do better next time. Discard them before cooking next time.

See? Easy enough. Even I can do that. Well, I can cook a bit more than that, but I prefer to never do more than just throw everything I have into a pan and hope it's edible.

[banjo1985]

Ah trial and error, I remember it well, back when I could even manage to burn toast...

Just one tip, putting eggs in the microwave...bad idea :smalleek:

[Eldritch Knight]

Pasta is fine too. Easy to cook, since there's not fire/oil (although boiling water + skin don't mix!), and you can have it ... in several different varieties! :smallwink:

HA! Again, I say HA!

I have started fires cooking Pasta. (Got banned from cooking in my fiancee's dorm apartment though... It wasn't intentional... honest! :smallbiggrin: )

[potatocubed]

Just one tip, putting eggs in the microwave...bad idea :smalleek:

When my Dad got his first microwave, he read the bit of the manual that said 'trying to boil an egg in a microwave is a Bad Idea' and thought "I bet I could do it, with a bit of thought maybe".

WRONG. Eggsplosion.

[Ted_Stryker]

Worst case scenario, eat a huge breakfast with like, 4 eggs and half a loaf of bread worth of toast, and then nap most of the day. When you wake up, live off apples and other raw fruits and vegetables, with the occasional granola bar for variety.
If you do end up doing this, might I suggest moving into a cave to get the full experience. :smalltongue: :smallbiggrin:

I would recommend not messing with the oven, just stick to the burners on top of the stove.

[Crilley]

Become a vegetarian until they come back. Its far, far easier.

[Mr. Moon]

Ah, Jibar, fear not, for I bring you:

MC's World-Famous Macaroni And Cheese!

It's easy and yummy.

Sauce:
4 Tablespoons of butter
4 Tablespoons of flour
2 Cups of milk
1-2 cups grated cheese of any kind. I like to use three to give it a nice flavor, but just cheddar works fine.
Small pan
Wooden Spoon

Pasta:

1 large pan, filled 3/4 with water
2 1/2 cups of Pasta, any kind works, although macaroni is oddly enough recommended
1/4 bag of frozen peas
Large strainer
Wooden Spoon

Put the water on a large burner to boil, covered, heat on the highest setting.

On a low heat, mix flour and butter in a small sauce pan. Once properly blended, test the milk. Dip your finger in the milk and let some drip on a bare bit of the sauce pan. If it sizzles, turn the heat down a tiny bit, and add a TINY bit of milk. I'm not kidding. Start really small, and SLOWLY add more. Adding all the milk at once will make the flour/butter mixture clump. It should get really hard to mix the stuff, just keep going until it's nice and fluid. The cheese will thicken it.

By now, the water should be boiled. Add the pasta, making sure not to add it to high or quickly, unless you don't mind getting splashed by boiling water.

Slowly add the cheese to the sauce pan, and stir until it's nice, golden, and thick. If you use to much, it will be watery, so don't try adding more cheese to thicken it. If this is the case, sprinkle a little bit of flour in at a time, taking care not to let it clump. Let the cheese melt, stirring it. You'll have hell to pay if you burn the cheese sauce. At this stage, you can start adding spices - I like nutmeg, parsley, and oregano myself.

Now add the peas to the water if you have any. Once the peas are done, fish out a piece of pasta. If you like the texture, turn off the heat on both pots, and pour the water into the strainer. Make sure it's in the sink. :smallamused: Tip the pot away from you, if you wear glasses, otherwise the steam will fog them up. Once you've got all the water out, dump it back in the large pot and add the cheese sauce, stirring. Add catsup if you must, and there's your dinner!

[FdL]

Little off topic. What does your new avatar depict, Jibar?
I mean...It's a cat muffin, but what is it on its head? :S
I thought it was a bra at one point.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

Ah, Jibar, fear not, for I bring you:

MC's World-Famous Macaroni And Cheese!

It's easy and yummy.

Sauce:
4 Tablespoons of butter
4 Tablespoons of flour
2 Cups of milk
1-2 cups grated cheese of any kind. I like to use three to give it a nice flavor, but just cheddar works fine.
Small pan
Wooden Spoon

Pasta:

1 large pan, filled 3/4 with water
2 1/2 cups of Pasta, any kind works, although macaroni is oddly enough recommended
1/4 bag of frozen peas
Large strainer
Wooden Spoon


Bah! Bah, I say!

1. Fill pot to approx. 2/3s with water.
2. Place of hot stove top until boiling
3. Dump approx. a third of a bag of macaroni (or noodle of your choice)
4. Stir once every five minutes until noodles are not even chewy anymore.
5. Transfer macaroni (or noodle of your choice) to large/small strainer
6. Run coldish water through strainer to halt the cooking process and cool the pasta slightly
7. Put several heaping sppons of Cheese Whiz (or spreadable cheese of your choice) into previously used pot.
8. Add macaroni (ONOYC) to pot
9. Mix until well mixed.
10. Dish out some of the cheesy mess onto a plate or into a bowl.
11. Eat.
12. Survive.

[Ezlo]

If you have bread meat and cheese, and aren't afraid to try Mr. Stovetop a little, grilled sandwiches are incredibly easy to make.

Ingredients

Two slices of bread (Potato or Oat Nut is best, but use what you like.)
Deli Meats and Cheeses (Turkey and Cheddar is a good combination, Roast Beef and Swiss is even better!)
Butter or Margarine
Plate
Spatula
You
Courage
Endurance
The Feather of a Hawk to soak up the blood seeping from your victims neck to prove the success of your assassination.
Mustard (If you want, it's not necessary.)

1. Get two slices of bread, butter one side on each slice with butter or margarine liberally, it doesn't matter which.

2. Put pan or skillet or just about any flat sheet of metal on the burner with high heat. Get it as hot as you can.

3. Place first slice of bread on grill, butter side down. Place meats and cheeses on next, mustard if you want, then place second slice of bread butter side up on the very top.

4. Every 30 seconds or so check to see if the bottom of the first piece of bread is dark brown yet with a spatula. If so, then flip it over. This is probably the hardest part, but it's not that bad.

5. Check every 30 seconds for the second slice to be brown. It will cook significantly faster than the first one, be warned.

6. Take off and eat.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

You could survive wholly off of Ezlo and my lists for weeks if you had to.

You'd eventually grow to hate Spreadable Cheese of Your Choice, but you'd make it through the night.

[Thes Hunter]

I used to live alone.


But then after the place burnt down, I decided it might be better to live with Trog for a bit. :smallbiggrin:

[Lemur]

I'm pretty sure it's possible to survive entirely on sandwiches, if you get desparate. Pasta is pretty easy though, the directions are usually right on the box (not that they're really that complicated in the first place).

You may want to hang around the kitchen and help a bit when your parents return, however. Being powerless to make your own food is a terrible fate. It's like being caught in the ironic punishment part of a Twilight Zone episode.


Little off topic. What does your new avatar depict, Jibar?
I mean...It's a cat muffin, but what is it on its head? :S
I thought it was a bra at one point.

It might be a hood thingy. On the other hand, it's traditional for cartoon characters with animal ears to have holes for their ears in their headwear. It does kinda look like a bra.

Edit: @V: Aha! I thought it was a white mage thing or something. Yeah. Definitely needs ear holes.

[Jack Squat]

it's the hood from Assassin's Creed. I wouldn't know this, but Ctrl+Alt+Del has been doing some stuff with it as well.

[Midnight Son]

I love my mother. She taught me to cook and keep house from a very young age. Not once in my life, have I had to worry about how to cook something to eat. There were a couple times when I worried about where the something to cook was going to come from, but the how has never been a problem.

Hint, hint, ladies...:smallwink:

[Don Julio Anejo]

Oooohh! Recipe thread... *writes stuff down.*

PS: for me cooking isn't the problem. The problem is having enough groceries to cook stuff from when you don't have a car.

PPS: My mom is a chef :tongue: That kinda helped with learning how to cook...

[Zeb The Troll]

I love my mother. She taught me to cook and keep house from a very young age. Not once in my life, have I had to worry about how to cook something to eat. There were a couple times when I worried about where the something to cook was going to come from, but the how has never been a problem.Yeah, mine too. I can even bake. Baking breads gives me trouble though. My problem isn't so much that I can't prepare food as it is that I just don't like doing it. It's far too much work for the payoff unless it's for a special occasion.

[Don Julio Anejo]

IMO baking is easier than cooking... once it's in the oven you don't have to check on it every 30 seconds. Just come back in 20 to 25 minutes or when it's golden brown :biggrin:

But rolling the dough is a pain :frown:

[Zeb The Troll]

IMO baking is easier than cooking... once it's in the oven you don't have to check on it every 30 seconds. Just come back in 20 to 25 minutes or when it's golden brown :biggrin:

But rolling the dough is a pain :frown:True you can just leave it for a while, but the proportions of ingredients is far more important in baking than it is in most stove top endeavors. And once you get it mixed up, you're committed. On the stove, if it needs more salt you can add it. You can't add anything to the loaf of bread once it's in the oven.

[Charity]

I refuse to believe you can't cook anything Jib, just do beans on toast if you really are as hopless as that.
If I know my Jib, I'd say your main concern is feeling a bit on the old lonely side.. Eh, eh.
Well fixed easily too, just ask one of the many flibbity gibbits that we regularly see you pictured with to stay over and keep you from climbing the walls.
I too am not so great at sitting in on my own (fortunately this only happens when the family goes to France without me *pulls another beret from the large box of them he keps with him at all times and sets light to it*)
With those wonderful friend people, it becomes unnessisary to remain lonely, if they can't come to you, just go round and bother them, if you get home late enough you'll be too tired to worry about it.

[Dallas-Dakota]

wow....................I now suddenly feel so proud on my cooking skills.
I mean...I'm 14......
Here's my recipe.
1 take simply bread for breakfast, with milk, bought in supermarket.
2 make eggs for lunch(dont try to flip them if its your first time,about eggplosions, my mother had that once.....), again with milk(its healthy ya know)
3Make Pancakes for Dinner, buy Pancake dough(make sure it is fluid), put it in something you can measure how you have,put a pan on the gass(and turn the gass on low), carefully put the fluid into the pan, two or three big spoons are enough, just go until you can't see the bottom of the pan from above then wait, regularly take a peek on the below with a fork or knife or something flat and long that doesnt burn, when you see that side edible, flip it with to spades(ehm......I dont remember the name, is it spades?gaaahhhh), its way easier then one, with two, you have more controll(pancakes are healthy, they contain eggs, milk etc.).
4 dont always do number three, you also make noodles(by above posted recipes, DONT make macaroni......(from personal experience)), you havess the internetss at your disposal, you cansss goooglesss it...the restaurantsss and take-offs in your area...

[Rykaj]

My parents started leaving me alone when I was 10. By that time my ranks in profession (cook) were sufficiently high to survive on frozen food. Buy, unwrap, put on oven/microwave, eat. In that order. But tastier would be just to make a simple pasta or chicken curry. Pasta's have descriptions on the sauce packages. Usually just something like: cook mincemeat, add vegetables (which you can even buy pre-cut, for your convenience), empty bottle of sauce and heat for a minute. Put it on the pasta you boiled in the other pan. Possibly add some grated cheese for extra flavor (which you can also buy pre-grated, again, for your convenience). I don't think anyone can screw up a pasta where you don't have to cut, can't overburn or whatever. Try it! :smallwink:

[SDF]

I always thought cooking was easy. There are directions, and you follow them. :smallbiggrin:

[Archonic Energy]

a assume that the Cat-muffin hasn't killed himself through incompitance yet...

AE's recepie for a perfect meal

Take 1 phone
add one 6 digit number
add one Debit card
wait for 45 minutes

tada a perfect meal :smalltongue:

[The Bushranger]

Just one tip, putting eggs in the microwave...bad idea :smalleek:

Ha ha...that reminds me of when we had an egg poacher for the microwave (hmm, was that the late 80s or early 90s? anyway...). You dropped the contents of the eggs into the four little squares, popped on the lid, and away you went on your nukkity way. Except, every-steenkin'-time we used it, one or more of the cooking eggs would go *powie!* and blow the lid off...


Anyway, Alton Brown's Gear for your Kitchen is a book that I can't reccomend enough. :smallbiggrin:

[Exachix]

No 1 tip from mum:
Cooking is relative, like life. If it says add 10 teaspoons of something, just add until you think it's 10. When you cook, (and cook for yourself) you don't follow the recipe every time. Sometimes it changes.

My advice:
Microwave meals rock =).

Bacon is easy:
Put oil in pan, heat up oil.
Put bacon in pan.
Watch, turn the bacon over when you think you should.
Watch, take bacon out of pan, put on plate/on bread/etc.

[Setra]

If a Cat-Muffin eats a muffin.. is it cannibalism? Or does it have to be another cat-muffin?

In any case if you don't like to cook, just make sandwiches.

As to the intended topic(?) of living alone? I have lived alone before.. but ended up going back to live with my parents...

Cooking has never been a real problem for me, though admittedly I resorted to things like Tuna/Hamburger Helper, and lots of instant macaroni and cheese, even though I could make things like Chili, Spaghetti, even pizza (Not that these are particularly hard to make..). Mostly because I don't have very good forethought.

"Well it's dinner time.. crap it takes like three hours to make pizza! Well I'll always have you Macaroni and Cheese..."

[Trog]

Trog's Tips for Bachelor Survival:
Chapter 4: Cooking. Or: How to test your smoke detector

Step 1: Buy food in a can. Pick your favorite. Many have survived on Dinty Moore Beef Stew alone. Including myself. And my dad.

Step 2: Empty can into heating device. Pan on stove or bowl for microwave. If using microwave fer god's sake cover it with something. Like a plate. Don't even try that plastic wrap stuff.

Step 3. Heat. Remember that addage: A watched pot never boils? Yeah. Screw that addage. You're a bachelor who can't cook. You WATCH that puppy! Remember to stir. Eat when it's hot when you stick your finger in.

Step 4: Appreciate your mom.

[Sewer_Bandito]

a assume that the Cat-muffin hasn't killed himself through incompitance yet...

AE's recepie for a perfect meal

Take 1 phone
add one 6 digit number
add one Debit card
wait for 45 minutes

tada a perfect meal :smalltongue:

*pulls out a note pad and writes down word for word*

[AslanCross]

Back when I was 13, I went to the US with my family. Someone infected me with chicken pox, so while my mom and my brother were touring Manhattan, I was stuck in my uncle's house in New Jersey. Thankfully there was a lot of food in the pantry. I subsisted primarily on macaroni and cheese and croissants for about a week. I'd sit around and watch TV until everyone came home at around 7 pm.

I got so fat afterwards. <_<

[Saithis Bladewing]

I've been staying home alone since I was about 8, so I'm more than used to fending for myself. I can cook, I can clean (though I choose not to) and...yeah, I don't know what else I need to survive a couple weeks alone other than a food supply. :smalltongue:

[Dragonrider]

When I turned 12, my mom bought me a blank cookbook and said "you now have to cook one meal a week for the family." Every week she'd write a recipe for some dinner in the cookbook and make me prepare it. (I already knew how to bake; I'd been making all our desserts since I was 8.) she taught me how to make bread from scratch and I seem to have acquired her skill in guess-timating amounts instead of measuring.

She said she did this with me so that I would be able to survive when I left home but I think she just wanted a night off from cooking dinner...she made me do all the dishes after I was done, too....

There's one book that's really good - "Where's Mom Now That I Need Her?" It's a cookbook, but it's also a guide to food poisoning, measurements, diseases, laundry, appliance use, How To Tell If Food Is Going Bad, and numerous other items of use.

[FoE]

Hey, is Home Alone 23 the one where the little kid has to fend off a home invasion by Jason Vorhees from Friday the 13th? :smalltongue:

[Lemur]

Hey, is Home Alone 23 the one where the little kid has to fend off a home invasion by Jason Vorhees from Friday the 13th? :smalltongue:

Cat-Muffin vs. Jason vs. Freddy vs. Predator? Brilliant! It'll be the next summer blockbuster.

[bosssmiley]

Just one tip, putting eggs in the microwave...bad idea :smalleek:

Yep. They'll stab your microwave. :smallwink:

[Don Julio Anejo]

OMG I just made the best Sour Cream Stewed Chicken (Russian thing) ever! I'll post a recipe if anyone's interested... although it's kinda complicated if you haven't done this sort of thing before.

[Dragonrider]

I made a pie for dinner...a pie with turkey, potatoes, gravy, and assorted other Thanksgiving leftovers within...unfortunately there was no homemade cranberry sauce left so we had to open a can. (pain!)

[Don Julio Anejo]

Hm. How do you make your own gravy? I'd love to have a recipe...

[Nibleswick]

Take the broth from the meat, add flour or cornstarch/water mixture, heat on stove stirring until thick (you may need more flour/water mixture but put more flour in it this time), serve.

[Quincunx]

I get lumps in the gravy when I make it with flour/water mix, and haven't bothered to get cornstarch lately--instead, I mix the flour with a little bit of oil or butter first, then add it to the drippings. It mixes into a distressing-looking paste, but it dissolves smoothly.

The Hand-Holding Guide to Gravy:

0. Make your flour/water or flour/oil mixture. Two teaspoons of flour should be more than enough. Mix it into a small cup's worth of water, or a roughly equal quantity of oil/butter.

1. Put as much of the meat dripping & juices as you can get into a little saucepan. Scrape off that stuff from the bottom of the pan you cooked the meat in, too; if it stays clumped it can be strained out, and if it dissolves it tastes good. Try not to put in too much of the meat fat, especially if you're using flour/oil as a thickener.

2. Warm up the saucepan to nearly boiling. It'll go ahead and boil during the next steps.

3. Dribble in some of the flour mixture and stir, stir, stir. So long as the drippings are boiling, the gravy will thicken a little bit. Dribble and stir until your gravy has a good consistency.

4. Taste the gravy. In my view, it always needs more seasoning, since most of the salt and pepper stayed with the meat. Try a few grains of salt before adding anything else; salt brings out flavor.

5. If the gravy becomes too flavorful or rich, pour in a few tablespoons of water and another dribble of thickener, and stir. End result: more gravy.

[The_Librarian]

The living alone thing? That's hard at first, but trust me it gets easier. The advice about keeping in touch with humanity is a good one. I still get nervous when Ribern's away so this is how I cope:

1. Cook something quick and easy (pasta, boiled, drained, stir in pesto and eat... add cheese if adventurous with a grater)

2. Eat meal while watching something harmless and preferably amusing, like QI. Don't watch scary movies and the like.

3. Turn on computer and get some music playing, or else some sort of noisy computer game (but not a scary one). The idea here is to be unable to hear all the random noises in the house. Those noises are there all the time, but usually the sound of people moving about drowns them out - even knowing these noises are normal, they still worry me sometimes.

4. When unable to keep eyes open/type coherently, go to bed.

Finally:


Curry - Ribern Style
Sort of dry, with a bit of a kick, but not too hot
Serves 2, or one very hungry wolf

You'll need:
1 chicken breast, diced
1/2 a large tin of chopped tomatoes (or 1 small tin)
1/2 teaspoon of cumin
1 1/2 teaspoons of coriander
2 teaspoons of paprika
2 shakes of turmeric (ha! I actually put in quite a lot* - don't tell Ribern)
1/2 teaspoon of garam masala
1 large onion (or 2 medium, or 3 tiny...), diced coarsely (because we can't do finely chopped onion)
1 green chilli pepper, chopped
1 green pepper, chopped
Oil
Water
Rice (follow instructions on the packet - or use a rice cooker)

1. Fry chicken in a little oil 'til cooked (break open a large piece - if you see pink, keep cooking until none of the pieces have pink in the middle)
2. Add onions and chilli pepper. Fry 'til onions begin to go a little transparent
3. Add spices (helps if you prepare them beforehand in a bowl) Fry and stir until everything's coated
4. Add green pepper. Keep frying
5. Add tomatoes and juice, and a little water to aid simmering.
6. Turn down heat to gently simmer for about 10mins.
7. Serve with rice.

*That's about 6 or 7 shakes. Not the jar

[Rykaj]

OMG I just made the best Sour Cream Stewed Chicken (Russian thing) ever! I'll post a recipe if anyone's interested... although it's kinda complicated if you haven't done this sort of thing before.

Oo I'm interested in your russian chicken! If only because I love sour cream. I might even say you can't make a bad meal with sour cream. I'm curious to what the difficult part you have to have done before is now though :smalltongue:

[Jagg]

Pshah! I say and Psah again. Fear my l33t skills...


0) Put water on to boil in a large pot.
1) Take 1/2 kilo king prawns. Peel all the hard bits off. You don't want to eat it's guts so once it's peeled grab the larger end of the prawn and strip away the small piece of flesh that runs up the back (removing the icky bit). (wrap yucky bits in paper, put inside plastic bag put bag in freezer until bin day - very important don't forget this bit)
2) Put prawns in bowl. Add a bit of chilli, garlic and olive oil to marinade. Mix and put in the fridge till ready to use.
3) By now your water should be boiling. Get squid ink pasta out and toss in water. (cooks in 8 minutes)
4) Large frying pan with small amounts of oil coating the bottom. Tip prawns in...move them about and turn them occassionally until they are no longer "glassy"
5) Take out prawns and put to one side (Not that bowl get a clean one. Do you want food poisoning?)
6) Add half a cup of fresh cream to saucepan, and a quarter of a cup of white wine or sparking white... add salt and pepper to taste
7) Drain pasta (don't burn yourself use a colander) tip pasta into fryingpan.. add prawns
5) turn down heat and simmer for two minutes stirring constantly
6) Serve in slightly rounded plates with plenty of sauce and garnish with small amount of shallots

With practice this entire operation takes 12-16 minutes.

*Note. No responsiblity is taken if you "get some" after cooking this for a special friend.