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Grim Portent
2022-04-10, 06:21 PM
So I have an idea for a campaign, likely D&D based, in which the PCs are gladiators. Proper ones, entertainers with an exaggerated and impractical style of fighting, getting sponsorship deals from businesses and being invited to perform at parties, funerals, religious festivals and so on at the behest of the wealthy. Occasionally being tasked with executing prisoners in really unfair fights.

One of the ideas I have for arena boughts is what I'm calling Farces, mock challenges based on a ridiculous premise intended to provide a spectacle. Matches intended to be funny rather than thrilling for the audience. I'm wondering if anyone has any ideas for farcical contests that gladiators could engage in?


Ideas I have already include;


Clown wrangling. Two teams of gladiators from different stables are tasked with competing to catch the most clowns. No weapons, no armour, just a bunch of half dressed warriors and a dozen or so clowns and two cages. The gladiators want to catch clowns and put them in their team's cage, with the team that catches the most clowns before the game ends being the winnder. The clowns want to avoid being caught and to generally make a mockery of the gladiators, tripping them, dodging flying tackles, throwing coloured dust or ink at them to stain them bright colours and so on.

Mythic marrionette fights. A more lavish and grandiose affair, the gladiators are dressed as mythical or historical heroes and tasked with defeating a puppet, a construct of wood and cloth fashioned to look like a monster from the past operated from within by the means of levers and ropes. More a theatre act than anything else, with the monster being designed with platforms for gladiators to climb, severable body parts that can be detached by cutting a rope and so on.

Animal catching. A cheaper and slightly more dignified version of clown wrangling, a large number of small livestock, such as chickens or goats are released into the arena and the gladiators compete to catch the most.

Pauly
2022-04-10, 08:35 PM
A version of greased pole or king of the castle.
The gladiators have to climb a suitably difficult object to climb and first to the top wins. Let’s call it a tower, and the tower has platforms, to stand and fight on, gates and barricades that prevent anyone just running straight to the top. They have padded weapons and the bottom is a pool of water deep enough to prevent any serious injury from falling.

Eldan
2022-04-11, 03:49 AM
Tightrope jousting. Or on a beam. Set up a wooden beam, maybe 6-10 inches wide, over a tank of water. Give each contestant a shield, a padded jacket and a blunt lance. Winner is the one who stays up.

Batcathat
2022-04-11, 05:06 AM
Turn the arena into an ice rink and (try to) have a regular fight. I doubt even the most badass warrior would be very intimidating when they can barely take a step without falling on their ass. You could also try giving them some primitive skates, though at that point I suppose you've just invented a slightly more violent ice hockey. :smallamused:

GeoffWatson
2022-04-11, 05:13 AM
Animal catching. A cheaper and slightly more dignified version of clown wrangling, a large number of small livestock, such as chickens or goats are released into the arena and the gladiators compete to catch the most.

Greased pigs are traditional.

Batcathat
2022-04-11, 05:19 AM
For extra fun, you could combine some of the ideas with each other. Jousting on a greased beam. Catching greased pigs on ice. (In fact, adding grease to any other idea would probably be a good start. :smalltongue: )

King of Nowhere
2022-04-11, 05:47 AM
Spitting contest: like paintball, but with spit instead of guns.

Penis fencing: you strap a blunt weapon to your penis and try to fight with that; using the hands is forbidden.
Alternatively, they could beat each other up with comically oversized rubber dildos

Chariot race: like super mario kart. People are running with chariots, but they also get various implements to use agains the opponents

Eldan
2022-04-11, 06:34 AM
Building on His Majesty's ideas up there, anything that's commonly done on horseback is funnier on foot or piggyback.
So, put one guy in a horse costume, have another guy ride piggyback or on his shoulders, have them joust, or race. Maybe make them jesters, in the costumes of notable local nobles.

McNum
2022-04-11, 07:17 AM
I feel like you could do worse than look at Professional Wrestling for this. The odd concept matches they do are easily transferrable to a gladiator pit.

Ladder matches where an item of perceived value is suspended above the arena and ladders are available to reach it, except everyone else wants it too, and tipping the ladder someone is climbing on is not just allowed, but encouraged. Cage matches and prop matches could be adapted, too.

You might also think about faces and heels. Which gladiators do you want the people to cheer and which do you want them to boo? The worst reaction a gladiator can get is silence. But that's... usually... not farcial, I'll admit.

Battle re-enactments could be a thing, too, only done way over the top and with horrible costumes. Common monster costumes would, of course, be part of this. While you could make an illusion to fight, two people in a strange looking dragon costume is funnier.

Glimbur
2022-04-11, 08:50 AM
High stakes Knight Dragon Princess. It's like Rock Paper Scissors, except each team gets 3 of each (people in costumes) and when you lose the match you lose that person. So team 1 sends a Princess but team 2 sends a Dragon. The Dragon play-acts capturing the Princess and sends her out of the arena. Next round the Knight seems like a good bet for team 2, yes, but team 1 knows that so they send... what? Maybe on a tie both contestants lose. Relies on the costumed people to ham it up for the crowd, but there is a tactical game in there for the players.

Put a big curtain across the middle short enough for the audience to see over but the two teams (in theory) can choose secretly. There's another layer of audience participation.

Easy e
2022-04-12, 10:53 AM
This demands a pie throwing fight......

Stonehead
2022-04-14, 12:36 PM
My go to "filler" session when someone can't show up is an inter-dimensional game show. I have lots of ideas that I've used over the years or have planned. They were more focused on the mechanics than being funny, but there should still be a lot of overlap.


I used Butterfly Catching where you have Clown Wrangling. One thing I'd recommend is that if you have clowns with different colored clothes or hair or something that are worth different points, or have different defenses, the game becomes more interesting.
A Last Man Standing battle is great as long as "standing" doesn't mean "alive". You could have boss immune to the gladiators' attacks knocking them off of a catwalk into something funny on the ground. The "winner" is just whoever stays on the platform the longest
A Wipeout-style obstacle course is always great. I drew out the course on the battlemap, so the contestants could fight each other, and the obstacles knocking you back had more weight. First one to cross the finish line wins. Some good obstacles are ,those spinner things (http://www.partypeopleinc.com/wp-content/uploads/meltdown.jpg), spring loaded boxing gloves, waterfalls, trapdoors, a rope swing, moving platforms, rock climbing walls and, depending on your level of lethality, buzz saws, flamethrowers, lava pits, and acid waterfalls.
An obstacle course similar to the last one, but instead of everyone running it simultaneously, have one gladiator run the course while the rest shoot arrows at them or operate the traps.
Another race, swimming through syrup could be funny.
A battle in which the contestant's randomly chose silly weapons of drastically different quality. I used the Game of Googol (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeJobV4jJG0) to determine who gets what weapon, but you could just as easily do RPS or a roulette, or some other suitably random method. The weapons should range from a (nonlethal) +5 Vorpal Sword to a big fish to a full-sized catapult.
Any competition would work as long as the penalty for failure is funny. A quiz show isn't a great gladiator match, but a quiz show where a wrong answer drops you into a shark pool is.
Head-to-Head dunk tanks (https://files.sysers.com/cp/upload/bouncegeeks/items/blue_dunktank.jpg)
Gear-swap battle. Set up a tournament, and for each round, each combatant has to find using the weapons, armor, and magical equipment of their opponent.
A battle on a big conveyor belt moving everyone towards a big pit of fire.
A battle on a platform with a permanent grease spell.
Shrinking Platform. Every round a set of squares fall from the battlefield, eliminating anyone standing on them. Whether the squares that will fall are telegraphed or not is up to you.
Tag. Touch attack to transfer your "it" status to the target. Whoever's "it" at the end of the timer loses.
Dodgeball. For your purposes, you might want to use pies, or water balloons filled with some unholy concoction, but the same basic rules of "action to pick up an adjacent ball, one hit and you're out, no crossing the line" work either way.
A battle where everyone is blindfolded.
Capture the flag.


Not strictly "combats", but a lot of game theory exercises make great great competitions. Whether you want simple hp damage to be the penalty, or something more abstract like pies to the face is up to you.

Everyone knows the prisoners dilema, but it still makes a great game, especially if everyone's choices are public.
Pig (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pig_(dice_game)) Basically every round, you roll a die, and add it's value to your score, unless if you roll a 1, in which case your turn is over, and you lose all points you gained that round. After n rounds, whoever has the most points wins. How I ran this, was I had a big roulette wheel in-universe (we just used dice mechanically), and on a 1, you had to spin the "penalty wheel", to determine whether you got 10 lashes, were dunked in the lava tank, or got a pie to the face, everything else was the same, you still lost your points. If you want to do something more interesting than points that determine a winner, the other numbers could be equipment to use in the next battle, penalties for your opponents, or even just prizes for outside the competition (a new car!).
I'm not sure if there's a name for it, but I ran a game I called Elimination. Everyone secretly set a lever to a number 0-10. Then, they were shocked, and lost hit points equal to their number. Then, whoever selected the lowest number lost. Repeat until only one remains.

KorvinStarmast
2022-04-14, 03:29 PM
1. Mage Hand basketball. Only your mage hand can shoot.

2. Mage Hand horseshoes. (Usually a half time entertainment between blood sport).

3. Kobold Skeet. Kobold's are launched off of small catapults and land in a net. Contestants have one shot (blunt tipped hand crossbow bolts with paint nodules on the tips, different colors) to shoot and hit (or miss) the flying kobold using a hand crossbow. First contestant to seven (or nine or eleven) wins the match.
Advanced matches include a "fast draw" aspect to the match, that the hand crossbow starts in a holster/rig and must be drawn and fired quickly to hit the kobold ...