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Xefas
2007-11-29, 12:26 PM
I don't think this really applies to the "by RAW" thread or the "Real-World Weapons" thread, so I'm just going to post it.

And by "it" I mean this very strange improvised weapon (http://www.headinjurytheater.com/jesus%20vamp%20intensine%20kung%20fu.jpg).

Yes, is it possible to actually use someone's innards (intestines, I believe) as an improvised weapon? Would it have reach, and could one theoretically become proficient in using various viscera as a weapon, and what sort of damage would it do? It doesn't seem all that dissimilar from a spiked chain.

It seems like there should be a prestige class for this, or at least a feat tree...

MCerberus
2007-11-29, 12:28 PM
You could strangle someone with them I guess... they wouldn't do damage in normal attacks I'd think.

Ganurath
2007-11-29, 12:29 PM
Use the stats for a spiked chain, consider it an improvised weapon, and reduce the damage to... 1d6 nonlethal.

cupkeyk
2007-11-29, 12:32 PM
Sausage skins are made from innards. use the same stats as sausages.

two_fishes
2007-11-29, 12:34 PM
I think it depends... Are you, by chance attacking Jesus with those innards?

(image is from Jesus Christ: Vampire Killer, the Musical)

RTGoodman
2007-11-29, 12:46 PM
Or you could say that they function as an improvised whip (as long as you're proficient with the whip).

Which then lets you use the "Whip Climber" skill trick from Complete Scoundrel to swing across chasms with your opponents entrails.

Green Bean
2007-11-29, 12:50 PM
You know, I completely misinterpreted the thread's title. I thought it was an awkward question about weapons, not a question about awkward weapons. Which is a good thing.

"Son, there comes a time in every Fighters life, where he gets the urge to...stick his weapon in an orc. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

Fax Celestis
2007-11-29, 03:17 PM
Or you could say that they function as an improvised whip (as long as you're proficient with the whip).

Which then lets you use the "Whip Climber" skill trick from Complete Scoundrel to swing across chasms with your opponents entrails.

Now that, my friend, is hardcore.

daggaz
2007-11-29, 07:28 PM
Thats gotta be the most retarded pic I have ever seen on the net. And it gives birth to even stupider ideas... (just my opinion on the feasibility of the weapon, as per the OP)

RL this is impossible. It probably comes as a big surprise to many people, but your intestines dont just come out in a big long string if you cut your belly open. They are looped and coiled on eachother, and these loops and coils are tied up with a membrane full of bloodvessels and connective tissue. It takes quite some time, and a sharp knife, to get it all seperated out into a long string. And even then, the string is permanently 'kinked' or twisted, into its coiled form. It has an inside and an outside edge.

And if you actually took the time to get a piece stretched out so it was more weapon like? ZERO damage, c'mon people, its a soft, wet piece of tissue that is no more than two inches wide or so. Ok ok, you can slap people pretty good with it, I suppose, in the face, if they let you. In which case, on the lenient side, I would say it does ZERO + your str modifier in nonlethal, if you kept it up long enough.

Real whips, in DnD, only do nonlethal (a balance issue due to the reach I suppose). Getting whipped in RL can easily kill a man, or maim you for life. And you all want a wet sausage to do anything more than nonlethal? C'mon people...

Not unless its magic. :smallbiggrin:

SurlySeraph
2007-11-29, 08:44 PM
Or you could say that they function as an improvised whip (as long as you're proficient with the whip).

Which then lets you use the "Whip Climber" skill trick from Complete Scoundrel to swing across chasms with your opponents entrails.

Badass. Really badass. Unfortunately, as TPAM said, intestines are kinda soft and easily breakable.

This is why you pickle them. Every adventurer should carry a jar of fast-acting, high-strength preservatives next to his ten-foot-pole, for turning the squishy viscera of his enemies into leathery rope- or whip-like viscera which he can use to kill his other enemies.

Or you could just use them as a garrote, using the garrote stats in Complete Scoundrel. :smallbiggrin:

"We are going to blow the hell of those dumb-bugs until we don't have anything left to shoot them with. Then we are going to strangle them with their own living guts!"
- Sergeant A.J. Johnson, UNSC.

Rigon
2007-11-29, 09:51 PM
well the "weapon" might be low durability but it still functions as a whip. each hit would have a chance to damage the weapon itself but it would deal full or almost full damage.

using it as rope would fail because its flexible and slippery... or so i think.

how about using it a monk' weapon / exotic weapon? like chain. it would suffer great penalties to both damage and attack rating but it could be used like it anyway (food chain of nonlethalness, haha).

F.L.
2007-11-29, 09:59 PM
No, hardcore isn't swinging across chasms with your enemies' intestines. In The Story Of Ricky, an assassin starts off a fight by disemboweling himself, and then trying to garrote people with his own intestines. Hardcore is swinging across a chasm with your own intestines.

Dervag
2007-11-29, 10:33 PM
That is not hardcore. That is both disgusting and stupid.


Real whips, in DnD, only do nonlethal (a balance issue due to the reach I suppose). Getting whipped in RL can easily kill a man, or maim you for life. And you all want a wet sausage to do anything more than nonlethal? C'mon people...

Not unless its magic. :smallbiggrin:It cannot do so quickly, though, or at least it is very very unlikely to do so. Most of the 'nonlethal' weapons in D&D can kill someone in real life (including the bare hands of an untrained person), but not easily or quickly the way a sword or arrow or mace can.

Voyager_I
2007-11-29, 10:45 PM
In agreement with what Daggaz said, I'd imagine you would probably fare better rolling up a newspaper (or throwing the halfling).

...although enchanted intestines would be intriguing...

vanyell
2007-11-29, 10:50 PM
a kensai with special weapon (own intestines) ?

AslanCross
2007-11-29, 10:52 PM
This is why you pickle them. Every adventurer should carry a jar of fast-acting, high-strength preservatives next to his ten-foot-pole, for turning the squishy viscera of his enemies into leathery rope- or whip-like viscera which he can use to kill his other enemies.



There actually is something called troll gut rope from the Magic Item Compendium. Now imagine smacking someone with a troll's pickled guts. :smalleek:

triforcel
2007-11-29, 10:58 PM
Yes, you could use it as an improvised weapon, and it would probably give you reach. In fact, if you were a Drunken Master, it would deal at least 1d6+1d4 lethal bludgeoning damage.

de-trick
2007-11-29, 11:20 PM
I don't know what to say but wtf, who would do that, except with sausages most deadly weapon known to man.

Fhaolan
2007-11-29, 11:37 PM
Right... and while we're at it, fear my deadly throwing hotdogs of doom, and the ever-dangerous vorpal hamburger patties.

Well, I guess it makes a difference whether it's the Wendy's square patties, or the MacDonald's 50% grain filler ones...

Magnor Criol
2007-11-29, 11:58 PM
I snickered all throughout this thread, particularly at the "Kensai with special weapon (own intestines)," but for some reason beyond my ken the phrase "vorpal hamburger patties" sent me into an unrestrained spate of giggles.

I probably should take this as a sign that I need more sleep. =p