Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist. [Archive]

Laughing Dog

2023-01-01, 12:20 PM

This is the fourteenth incarnation of this thread of insanity and mutual frustration, both real rules and jokes are welcome in this thread.

For Newcomers, we've more or less abandoned numbers in favor of individual sets of asterixes for the sake of rules and subrules because numbers inevitably get confused and mismatched and this helps keep things straight.
(Also, I have shamelessly stolen the beginning post from the last thread. Credit to Rater202!)
Previous Threads:
1: [Any] Things I may no longer do while playing. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=175909)
2: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=207015)
3: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=228707)
4: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=257965)
5: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=293087)
6: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VI: This Isn't A Checklist We Swear! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?335782)
7: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: No, Not Even Then (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?370856-Things-I-May-No-Longer-Do-While-Playing-VII-No-Not-Even-Then)
8: Things I May No Longer Do while Playing VIII: Why is the PLOT on fire? (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?414743-Things-I-May-No-Longer-Do-while-Playing-VIII-Why-is-the-PLOT-on-fire)
9: Things I May No Longer Do while Playing IX: GNO GNOMES! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?440508-Things-I-May-No-Longer-Do-while-Playing-IX-GNO-GNOMES!)
10: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing X: Bard is not a valid choice (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?478028-Things-I-May-No-Longer-Do-While-Playing-X-Bard-is-not-a-valid-choice)
11: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?521656-Things-I-May-No-Longer-Do-While-Playing-XI-I-May-Not-Postpone-Naming-My-Thread)
12: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permission (https://forums.giantitp.com/showthread.php?573751-Things-I-May-No-Longer-Do-While-Playing-XII-A-Thousand-Yard-Stare-is-not-Permission)
13: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 13: This Is A Banned List Not A Drinking Game (https://forums.giantitp.com/showthread.php?631966-Things-I-May-No-Longer-Do-While-Playing-13-This-Is-A-Banned-List-Not-A-Drinking-Game)

Rater202

2023-01-01, 04:35 PM

I can't use a skeletal enemy that isn't either a generic mook skeleton or a lich.

Anonymouswizard

2023-01-01, 05:13 PM

I can't use a skeletal enemy that isn't either a generic mook skeleton or a lich.

Heh. I suspect when I next run a action horror game I'm going to get mauled by players for not running with classic tropes, particularly having zombies follow a more Frankenstein model. By which I mean the book 'new creature, blank slate' model, not the pop culture one.

I mean, it would be fine if the PLAYERS got those boosts, but they're going to be hunters...

danielxcutter

2023-01-01, 07:23 PM

I can't use a skeletal enemy that isn't either a generic mook skeleton or a lich.

That was literally a plot point in OotS.

vasilidor

2023-01-02, 03:56 AM

I am not allowed to try to power anything by tapping into stupidity.
It would just be too OP.

Telok

2023-01-02, 11:54 AM

* I may not use at will Speak With Dead on every skull in the ancient catacombs with the question "what is your life story at maximum volume?".

** Using "I'm covering for the dwarves' lack of stealth" is not an acceptable excuse.

KorvinStarmast

2023-01-02, 05:31 PM

* Will not try to seduce the drow fortune teller with the old "guess you didn't see me coming" pick up line. :smalltongue:

animorte

2023-01-03, 01:25 AM

* Will not try to seduce the drow fortune teller with the old "guess you didn't see me coming" pick up line. :smalltongue:
My wife had to ask me what I just burst out laughing about. Thanks for that.

Bohandas

2023-01-03, 04:58 AM

*"nine lives" is a figure of speech. Cats do not regenerate like Doctor Who.

Rater202

2023-01-03, 05:25 AM

Powerful, old, and experienced Werewolves do not undergo a metamorphosis into far more powerful Therewolves.

Anonymouswizard

2023-01-03, 06:40 AM

Powerful, old, and experienced Werewolves do not undergo a metamorphosis into far more powerful Therewolves.

That's only because none have reached Primal Urge 11.

* I may not attempt to embrace a space marine.

danielxcutter

2023-01-03, 06:48 AM

Powerful, old, and experienced Werewolves do not undergo a metamorphosis into far more powerful Therewolves.

That's only because none have reached Primal Urge 11.

Oh my god. Can I share this on the official CofD Discord?

Anonymouswizard

2023-01-03, 08:42 AM

Oh my god. Can I share this on the official CofD Discord?

You've got my ok at least.

Bohandas

2023-01-03, 02:56 PM

Does anyone else remember the episode of Adventure Time with the "Whywolves"

Lord Raziere

2023-01-03, 03:03 PM

* May not create Whenwolves from outside time that appear whenever someone asks the question "When?"
** Or Whowolves, wolves that disguise themselves as humans they steal faces from to trick them
*** Howwolves are not werewolves that can change how they are werewolves to confuse people as to what werewolf rules they are running on.

KorvinStarmast

2023-01-03, 05:37 PM

* May not create Whenwolves from outside time that appear whenever someone asks the question "When?"
** Or Whowolves, wolves that disguise themselves as humans they steal faces from to trick them
*** Howwolves are not werewolves that can how they are werewolves to confuse people as to what werewolf rules they are running on.* Must discern whether or not they are Whatwolves or Wutwolves before not making them. :smalleek:

danielxcutter

2023-01-03, 09:31 PM

Well, there are Werewires and Werewerewires in Deltarune.

Lord Torath

2023-01-04, 10:10 AM

* May not create wolfwhens, wolfwhys, or wolfhows.
** Jackalwhens, jackalwhys, and jackalhows are Right OutTM!

Bohandas

2023-01-06, 01:44 AM

*The killer from the Saw movies was not Jim Henson

DCraw

2023-01-06, 03:32 AM

* Having the party seek knowledge about the nature of the multiverse from The Wizard Who Did ItTM is a reasonable premise for a high level adventure.
** Giving The Wizard Who Did ItTMs Tower a 42-dimensional topology is funny, but pushing it.
*** Asking the groups only liberal arts major to keep track of the map is just mean.

KorvinStarmast

2023-01-06, 09:54 AM

My wife had to ask me what I just burst out laughing about. Thanks for that. A pleasure to serve. :smallsmile:

** Giving The Wizard Who Did ItTMs Tower a 42-dimensional topology is funny, but pushing it. I have a former DM who could probably enjoy that. Math major, and math teacher; go figure!

*** Asking the groups only liberal arts major to keep track of the map is just mean.
It's awesome.

* When the party's bard (12th level) asks the sage (who had given them the info needed to understand the quest, and who had asked them to please rescue his fellow researcher)
"Why don't you come with us?"
I am not allowed to (as the sage) answer
"because I have 4 hit points"
in a resigned tone of voice. :smalltongue:
{That got a laugh from 5 out of 6 of the players, though, which was part of why I provided that answer.}

danielxcutter

2023-01-06, 09:58 AM

What about the last guy?

kyoryu

2023-01-06, 12:55 PM

* Will not try to seduce the drow fortune teller with the old "guess you didn't see me coming" pick up line. :smalltongue:

"No, in fact, I do not."

KorvinStarmast

2023-01-06, 12:58 PM

What about the last guy? He was AFK getting a beer, so he missed the joke. (Game on R20).

"No, in fact, I do not." *snicker* :smallcool:

Sparky McDibben

2023-01-06, 08:18 PM

I'm not allowed to answer "Why did you counterspell my healing word, DM?" with: "Because it's what my NPC would do..."

DCraw

2023-01-06, 10:47 PM

* May not create Whenwolves from outside time that appear whenever someone asks the question "When?"
** Or Whowolves, wolves that disguise themselves as humans they steal faces from to trick them
*** Howwolves are not werewolves that can how they are werewolves to confuse people as to what werewolf rules they are running on.
**a There is not a bitter century long feud between the Whowolves and the Whomwolves.

Rater202

2023-01-06, 11:37 PM

*I can't 'accidentally' make myself into an eldritch abomination by stacking a bunch of powers ontop of each other, each with small alterations to my physiology until I can no longer reasonably be considered human.

Anonymouswizard

2023-01-07, 01:41 AM

Sparky McDibben

2023-01-07, 02:27 AM

Isn't that just Aberrant?

I believe they prefer "differently constructed beings from outside known reality."

Lord Raziere

2023-01-07, 03:55 AM

* May not trap a bunch of demons into by being my servants by flipping a coin, telling them that if they don't call it directly they agree to serve me, and having it land on the edge.
** When they're done doing what I ask of them, may not then order them to not move and start killing them as punching bags for my gun martial art

* May not somehow gain Dr. Strange's magic, Scarlet Witch's magic and the Infinity Gauntlet in one jump
** May not argue that the redundancy of doing so is a feature not a bug.

* May not even take a jump called "generic overpowered jump" ever.
** Mostly because taking perks to gain omniverse or outerverse level power just like that seems a little late game even for me.

* may not take a jumpchain perk to get a Palace in a Persona jump

* Make not use Hemalurgy to steal powers from universes outside the Cosmere and add them to myself
** The fact that I won't die from stabbing myself with the spikes is no excuse to do it casually in front of people
*** May not neglect to let people know about my body no longer being made of flesh

* May not try to figure out what happens when I combine FMA Alchemy, Feruchemy and Allomancy

* Throwing all my foes into a Door To Nothingness is not a solution to all my problems

* May not summon clones of my enemies to fight each other
** May not mock them about perfectly symmetrical violence never solving anything.

Anonymouswizard

2023-01-07, 08:18 AM

I believe they prefer "differently constructed beings from outside known reality."

I believe most of them prefer 'Nova' :smallwink:

Aberrant is a superhero game where the idea that supers (called Novas) are generally going to eventually mutate into something inhuman (it's avoidable in 1e, in 2e it's an inherent part of gaining power). I don't believe characters that actually achieve it have a name in the timeframe of Aberrant, during the sequel Aeon they're called Aberrants and are assumed by most to be the only kind of Nova out there (there's some sane low powered Novas on some of the planets they colonised and a heavily limited variety that doesn't go all alien god, but they're secrets).

Divas Mal, who depending on edition is either the first Nova or just an unusually powerful one who set off the mass eruptions, takes around two centuries to potentially achieve it (it's ambiguous, he could also just be on the other side of the galaxy).

Rater202

2023-01-08, 04:25 PM

My Bard has to have more in their repertoir than Viking Metal covers of ABBA songs.

Anonymouswizard

2023-01-08, 04:58 PM

* My powerset cannot be entirely built around the ritualistic sacrifice of other PCs.

animorte

2023-01-08, 07:32 PM

* I'm not allowed to play a halfling with new players at the table. I may or may not use Nimble to play croquet with everyone's legs.

KorvinStarmast

2023-01-08, 07:44 PM

* My powerset cannot be entirely built around the ritualistic sacrifice of other PCs. TBH, we had a session in EPT where one of the PCs tried to pull that off, kinda.
Didn't work.
* Must not relive the session where the pile of undead incited a bunch of stoned players to ideate a series of unspeakable acts ...

DCraw

2023-01-09, 03:12 AM

My Bard has to have more in their repertoir than Viking Metal covers of ABBA songs.
** No, ABBA covers of Viking songs are not any better

Telok

2023-01-09, 02:26 PM

* I may not play any character if the concept or implementation causes me to spontaneously break out in evil, creepy, maniacal, insane, ironic, or sarcastic laughter

* I may not use speak with dead on the entire battlefield.
** I may not use the question "what is your detailed life story?" to max out the duration of the chatter.
*** I may not load up a wagon or cart to tow around and then claim a stealth bonus because nobody can ignore the babbling corpse pile.
**** I may not inflict RL sanity loss on my DM.

KorvinStarmast

2023-01-09, 02:41 PM

**** I may not inflict RL sanity loss on my DM. oops, likely a little too late for that. :smallbiggrin:

* May not charge into a room and trip over the silken rope (spider silk, drow in the room) that unleashes ball bearings in a 15x30 area behind me for my allies to negotiate.
(I made the dex save, what was their problem? :smallbiggrin:)

Rater202

2023-01-09, 06:07 PM

If the plan involves loading the Ark of the Covenant or an equivalent artifact into a catapult and firing at the enemy, it's banned.

KorvinStarmast

2023-01-10, 08:38 AM

* May not name my next album Tears of the Zombie after the party cleans out a well full of zombies.
** May not observe that {Bard} will fiddle while zombies burn as the party watches and waits for the zombie bodies to be consumed in a bonfire. (That took a while, and nobody brought marshmellows)

Bohandas

2023-01-14, 02:33 PM

*Francis Drake the pirate and Francis Drake from SETI are not the same person

Rockphed

2023-01-14, 10:20 PM

*Francis Drake the pirate and Francis Drake from SETI are not the same person

My time traveling character's goals must be more than just making unrelated people who share names the same person.

Rater202

2023-01-15, 01:41 AM

My in-character motivation can't be trying to find and exploit broken combos and loopholes int he laws of biology to become OP.

danielxcutter

2023-01-15, 02:18 AM

Isn't that almost literally some of the Progenitors in Mage: the Ascension?

Anonymouswizard

2023-01-15, 06:55 AM

Isn't that almost literally some of the Progenitors in Mage: the Ascension?

And quite a few of the Progenitors in Deviant: the Renegades, and they know even less!

* My goal for character creation cannot be 'min-max Speed to 0'.

Lord Raziere

2023-01-15, 08:52 AM

* Learning broken combos of martial arts is basically Cultivation
** May not learn the Creation-Slaying Oblivion Kick to counter the hax of Cultivators

* May not go to Super Mario sunshine to learn the secrets of "Chuckster Fu"
** May not ask various jumpers and reincarnators if they've played Super Mario Sunshine
*** If they have, may not immediately greet myself as "I'M A CHUCKSTER!" and throw them.
**** That is a long way to go, and some powerful people to tick off, just for a single joke

* May not take the DF Archive perk that allows me to remember all records and documents in a world
** May not use it to screw with the economy of any world
*** Or passively spy on my enemies
**** or quote laws and rules to anyone

MrStabby

2023-01-15, 10:32 AM

My Bard has to have more in their repertoir than Viking Metal covers of ABBA songs.

Now I have Yngwie Malmsteen's Gimme Gimme Gimme in my head.

* May not create Whenwolves from outside time that appear whenever someone asks the question "When?"
** Or Whowolves, wolves that disguise themselves as humans they steal faces from to trick them
*** Howwolves are not werewolves that can how they are werewolves to confuse people as to what werewolf rules they are running on.

WTFwolves?!

Duffterrall

2023-01-15, 06:30 PM

It is still cannibalism when you are in bear form.

Rater202

2023-01-16, 05:07 AM

My Superhero/Villain/Other-Empowered-Individual character can not just transparently be Jade Chan's Queen of The Shadowkhan persona.

ToranIronfinder

2023-01-16, 11:03 PM

*I may not turn the other PCs over to Darth Vader, in hopes that I will be his next apprentice.
*I may not dispute that using the death star on a civilized planet deserves a DSP.
*PC Droid characters are not a source of CP for a Gamorrean.
*I will not send a PC Droid to negotiate with the imperial without telling him about the thermal detonator in his chassis.
*I will not play a suicidal power Droid, and if I do, I won't blow up the party in the process.
*I won't use the World between Worlds to restore the EU to Canon status.
*My force sensitive gambler will not have a hunch and bet Alderaan will be destroyed.
*I will not use mind transfer to steal a star destroyer, become a grand moff, or take over the rebellion.

Rater202

2023-01-18, 03:16 AM

Not allowed to have a serial killer disguise himself as a chair.

Anonymouswizard

2023-01-18, 04:22 AM

Not allowed to have a serial killer disguise himself as a chair.

** Particularly not a Windsor Chair.

Rater202

2023-01-21, 11:05 PM

The wacky comic relief character can't end up becoming the responsible big sister type.

danielxcutter

2023-01-21, 11:17 PM

I recall a similar D&D comic involving a firbolg clown...

animorte

2023-01-21, 11:27 PM

The wacky comic relief character can't end up becoming the responsible big sister type.
That's literally Sokka, except big brother.

Anonymouswizard

2023-01-22, 02:03 AM

That's literally Sokka, except big brother.

Huh, I missed that part of Legend of Korra. It clarifies so much about the first season :smalltongue:

Bohandas

2023-01-24, 04:08 AM

*The exisfemce of psi9nic fattoos is not proof fhat all psionicists are hipsters
**Nor does it indicate that psionics is a skill that you learn in jail

KorvinStarmast

2023-01-24, 08:21 AM

*psi9nic fattoos
The name of my next band.

Bohandas

2023-01-24, 08:28 AM

Yeah, it was like 3:00 in the morning when I tried to type that last post

KorvinStarmast

2023-01-24, 08:30 AM

Yeah, it was like 3:00 in the morning when I tried to type that last post Even correctly spelled, that's a great name for a band. :smallcool:

Rockphed

2023-01-24, 09:03 PM

*The exisfemce of psi9nic fattoos is not proof fhat all psionicists are hipsters
**Nor does it indicate that psionics is a skill that you learn in jail

***Hipster prison is not a secret Psion if training facility.

sithlordnergal

2023-01-25, 06:56 PM

* Just because a dead body is technically an Object and can therefore be considered an "Item", it does not mean you can make a Medium sized Body and 4 Small bodies via Performance of Creation and Creative Crescendo

** I am not allowed to cast Animate Objects on any bodies created in that way as pseudo-Undead

*** I am not allowed to use Animating Performance on one of the bodies after Animate Object ends

**** I am no longer allowed to play high level Creation Bards

Tohron

2023-01-25, 07:22 PM

TeChameleon

2023-01-25, 07:39 PM

* When introducing my new Player Character to the group, having a bitter feud with the local leader/quest giver because "The old fool refuses to recognize my genius!" is not a way to reassure them of my character's competence. Or sanity.

** The fact that the sanity, at least by human standards, is very definitely questionable, does not help (gnomes, wheee!)

*** When it comes out that the reason that my character joined the group without a backwards glance to his thriving business is "What about this (gnomish) country makes you think my people have anything even vaguely resembling good impulse control?", it probably won't help.

Rater202

2023-01-25, 11:27 PM

I can't have a plan to vivisect everyone I meet.

The tournament where people send their children to show off and attract attention as a substitute for war is not a "genetic shopping trip."

*I can't make plans to hunt down and devour the corpse of a god in order t become a deity myself.
**Even if the alternative is killing a planet.

danielxcutter

2023-01-26, 12:09 AM

Okay, that last one? I can honestly think of worse when the alternative is an entire world dying.

Rater202

2023-01-26, 09:46 PM

Okay, that last one? I can honestly think of worse when the alternative is an entire world dying.

The options are "I eat the dead god" or "I eat the planet," not "the planet will die if I don't eat the dead god."

danielxcutter

2023-01-26, 11:22 PM

That does not actually contradict my statement.

Rater202

2023-01-27, 12:01 AM

That does not actually contradict my statement.

There is no external threat justifying the descision.

Bohandas

2023-01-27, 04:39 AM

Oh I think they may mean "the alternative way to become a deity..."

thorr-kan

2023-01-28, 01:21 PM

The name of my next band.
Pronunciation: psi-NINE-nic FA-two

"One night only: psi9nic fattoo!"

You're right.

Yeah, it was like 3:00 in the morning when I tried to type that last post
No, no, your "typo" was obviously Destiny.

TerrickTerran

2023-01-28, 04:54 PM

That vivisection rule would really crimp some character ideas I've had. :smallbiggrin:

Melayl

2023-01-30, 08:15 AM

*****I may not play "Thriller" while doing any of the above.
No no no. You *MUST* play Thriller while doing so!

KorvinStarmast

2023-01-30, 09:22 AM

* May no longer forget to cast Death Ward on me and my flying mount.
** May no longer deliberately breed with a Drow noblewoman of exotic tastes with the excuse that 'they need fresh blood in their heritage' - no matter how many alternate timelines I have seen.
*** May no longer get a Drow oracle drunk on moonshine.
**** May no longer charge into the Slime king's body guards, leaving my party without my saving throw bonus. (Paladin)

D&D_Fan

2023-01-30, 10:09 AM

* Top-Secret shadow organizations can absolutely get away with violating the Geneva conventions.
** Yeah they're evil, but nobody can stop them if nobody knows who they are.
*** That's kind of the reason why they are the bad guys.
**** When was the last time you saw the good guys use chemical weapons and commit arson, anyway?
***** This shouldn't be a hard question.

PhoenixPhyre

2023-01-30, 11:02 AM

Telok

2023-01-30, 04:17 PM

**** When was the last time you saw the good guys use chemical weapons and commit arson, anyway?
***** This shouldn't be a hard question.

Is it bad that I started counting on reading this and immedately trying to figure out a rate per campaign?

* Pseudo-exponentially spawning undead are not "good guy" type solutions.
** I should not have to remind the players of this every six months.

Rater202

2023-01-30, 06:35 PM

I am not allowed to perform grotesque medical experiments on myself using the pilfered tissues of a variety of different people in order to bootstrap myself to some kind of Frankenstein godhood.

Lord Raziere

2023-01-30, 09:56 PM

* If I want people to believe I'm a hero I should probably stop taking powers like "infect people with my cells to mind control them"
** or "the persona that does the utopia brainwashing"
*** or "become a lord of chaos with a queen of monsters as my companion"
**** or "the godbound words of theft, deception and murder"
***** or "become daedric prince of knowledge"

Samayu

2023-01-30, 11:50 PM

I cannot make a customer lineage dragonborn who breathes slashing. Which means I can't get resistance to slashing damage that way.

Telwar

2023-01-31, 04:41 PM

I cannot make a customer lineage dragonborn who breathes slashing. Which means I can't get resistance to slashing damage that way.

** I am not allowed to make a "Karen" dragonborn, that has to be an act, not an ancestry.
*** I certainly don't get to do bonus damage to minions that's minimized if there's a boss monster present.
*** Mostly because my GM doesn't want to always have boss monsters.
**** And I am not allowed to riff off of a clear mobile autocorrect entry. Or am I?

KorvinStarmast

2023-01-31, 05:38 PM

** I am not allowed to make a "Karen" dragonborn, that has to be an act, not an ancestry.
*** I certainly don't get to do bonus damage to minions that's minimized if there's a boss monster present.
*** Mostly because my GM doesn't want to always have boss monsters. You naughty person, I nearly spilled my drink! :smallsmile: Well done.

Anonymouswizard

2023-01-31, 08:40 PM

* My magick cannot literally be fueled by pointless arguments on the internet.
** Even if the rule system and setting metaphysics support it.

danielxcutter

2023-01-31, 10:06 PM

Which one is that? Mage the Ascension?

Anonymouswizard

2023-02-01, 05:11 AM

Which one is that? Mage the Ascension?

Nah, Unknown Armies. Haven't completed drafting out the school, but it's paradox is along the lines of 'a means of communication which fosters conflict'.

danielxcutter

2023-02-01, 05:21 AM

Nah, Unknown Armies. Haven't completed drafting out the school, but it's paradox is along the lines of 'a means of communication which fosters conflict'.

Ah, the "you did it" game.

Lord Raziere

2023-02-02, 05:29 AM

* May not postulate that Goku, Saitama and so on think of the joy of battle too narrowly
** May not further explain that there are actually at least Three Joys of Battle:
*** The First Joy of Battle is not defeating a weaker foe stylishly in an impractical manner to show off
**** The Second Joy Battle is not defeating an equal foe with pure force with adrenaline rushing through one's veins, the joy everyone focuses on
***** The Third Joy of Battle is not defeating a greater foe through cleverness and skill to counter their greater power.

danielxcutter

2023-02-02, 05:32 AM

I mean, Saitama specifically wants the second one, and the third and possibly second one physically can't be a thing for him either.

ReaderAt2046

2023-02-02, 08:40 PM

* Setting the building on fire is not the solution to every problem. Especially if I'm playing the paladin.
* If my paladin is the most ruthless character in the party, something has gone wrong somewhere.
* Before playing a werewolf, I will make sure that none of the existing PCs have "Hates Werewolves" as an Aspect.
* Destroying the moon was the correct course of action this time. It never will be again.

Rockphed

2023-02-02, 10:20 PM

* If my paladin is the most ruthless character in the party, something has gone wrong somewhere.

At some point Terry Pratchett essentially said that if someone is trying to kill you, pray they are evil. Good people who decide you have to die will just kill you and get it over with where evil people will drag it out with torture and monologueing.

* No matter how evil they are, having the BBEG kill the players with their monologue is not fun.

TeChameleon

2023-02-03, 12:51 AM

* No matter how evil they are, having the BBEG kill the players with their monologue is not fun.
** Especially if the players die of boredom.

* No matter how objectively terrifying an eight-story dog would be, if it's an eight-story pomeranian, the general response is going to be 'cuuuuuute!'

** Or 'kill it with fire!' There doesn't seem to be any in-between.

Pauly

2023-02-03, 01:44 AM

* No matter how evil they are, having the BBEG kill the players with their monologue is not fun.

** No matter how much they deserve it the GM is not actually allowed to kill the players. Characters on the other hand …

Anonymouswizard

2023-02-03, 08:16 AM

At some point Terry Pratchett essentially said that if someone is trying to kill you, pray they are evil. Good people who decide you have to die will just kill you and get it over with where evil people will drag it out with torture and monologueing.

Eh, he's missing the other kinds of good and evil, mostly because Discworld is one step short of melodrama. It's entirely possible for an evil person to have no enjoyment of having others at their mercy, or for good people to drag it out with attempts at redemption. Vetinari is probably a good example of the former, he enjoys giving you a theatrical death but once you're at his mercy he doesn't hesitate. It all comes down to pragmatism, with Vimes and Vetinari showcasing the 'good' and 'evil' sides. Carrot meanwhile errs more towards an idealistic theatrical good, although with heavy hints that he might actually be as pragmatic as Vimes (notably he is the one in Men At Arms who just gets it over with) while the villains of Watch books trend towards theatrical evil.

KorvinStarmast

2023-02-03, 04:11 PM

Eh, he's missing the other kinds of good and evil, mostly because Discworld is one step short of melodrama. *golf clap*

danielxcutter

2023-02-03, 07:43 PM

To be fair, that was from Vimes’ perspective.

Also Vetinari isn’t that bad of a man, honestly.

Rater202

2023-02-04, 07:14 AM

I can't name characters Al Pocalypse, Reverend Elations, Gertie Dammerung, or Ray Gnarock.

danielxcutter

2023-02-04, 07:34 AM

Okay, those unironically seem good names.

dspeyer

2023-02-04, 11:30 PM

* Pokeballs are not a weapon of mass destruction
** "Rocks fall; everyone dies" is what DMs say when they're sick of a campaign, not what players say when they want to clear some territory of monsters.
*** The correct response to Earth being overrun with monsters is not to terraform Mars
**** I may not break the DM's mind with overpowered exploits before the campaign even begins.

KorvinStarmast

2023-02-06, 08:25 AM

* I may no longer shove the drow priestess down the elevator shaft when the only person in the party who can speak undercommon wants to talk to her ... but darnit, I had that Shield Master bonus action and it felt good to hear the satisfying splat from 120' up.

** I may no longer render moot the DM's collection of aberrations (seven or eight of them, to include a few beauties from Volo's) by simply telling them to piss off! Yes, all seven failed their saving throw versus Abjure the Extraplanar, which I almost never get to use

*** I may no longer leave the following instructions for the catering crew at my PCs wedding: "Leave no guest un-hammered" (The catering crew are a druid circle who make the best moonshine in the kingdom. You want us to pay taxes? Here, spiked growth, ya dadburned revenooers!

Persolus

2023-02-07, 02:20 PM

* I may not turn myself in to guards running a "Death Run" to clear myself for a crime i didn't commit.

** I am supposed to run away from the dinosaurs in said Death Run, not towards them.

*** Maiming the T-Rex is very bad form.

Tomb of Annihilation is fun >:)

Notafish

2023-02-09, 12:34 AM

*If the druid has fallen in battle, we cannot try to use their body as a Magical Device after the fact to cast their unused spells.

**Not even if it's "what they would have wanted"

Rater202

2023-02-09, 11:22 AM

My Bard needs to have more in their repertoire than Weird Al songs.

Telok

2023-02-09, 02:35 PM

My Bard needs to have more in their repertoire than Weird Al songs.

My instant response was: "Weird Al or bagpipe speed metal polka. Choose your poison."

tyckspoon

2023-02-09, 02:59 PM

My instant response was: "Weird Al or bagpipe speed metal polka. Choose your poison."

.. isn't that just more Weird Al tho?

Persolus

2023-02-09, 03:29 PM

.. isn't that just more Weird Al tho?

Ah, but it's the illusion of free choice.

KorvinStarmast

2023-02-09, 03:30 PM

Ah, but it's the illusion of free choice. The dreaded Quantum Yankovic! :smalleek:

Rater202

2023-02-10, 02:22 AM

The words "Lovecraftian" or "Geigeresque" should never be used to describe any aspect of my character.

Mandark

2023-02-10, 10:02 AM

My Bard needs to have more in their repertoire than Weird Al songs.

No you don't.
There are songs that play at work that my brain auto-translates into Wierd Al that I don't actually know the real words to, even though they are playing over the air.

Anonymouswizard

2023-02-10, 10:05 AM

No you don't.
There are songs that play at work that my brain auto-translates into Wierd Al that I don't actually know the real words to, even though they are playing over the air.

I wanna bowl with, the gangsters...

animorte

2023-02-10, 10:51 AM

No you don't.
There are songs that play at work that my brain auto-translates into Wierd Al that I don't actually know the real words to, even though they are playing over the air.
I realized that I Weird Al everything I don't care for, or even things I actually like just because I'm in that mood.

Telok

2023-02-10, 01:51 PM

The words "Lovecraftian" or "Geigeresque" should never be used to describe any aspect of my character.

Correct, they shouldn't describe any aspect of a character. They should describe every aspect of the character.

Probably no pictures tho.

Definite nope on larping that.

KorvinStarmast

2023-02-10, 01:54 PM

Correct, they shouldn't describe any aspect of a character. They should describe every aspect of the character.

Probably no pictures tho.
I think that Lovecraft is to blame for Hentai.

Anonymouswizard

2023-02-10, 02:02 PM

I think that Lovecraft is to blame for Hentai.

Hey now, not all Hentai is naughty tentacles! There's some where the schoolgirls date other monsters!

* If my villain's plan can be mistaken for the plot of a Hentai I'm to stop the game until I come up with something different.

Lord Raziere

2023-02-10, 09:28 PM

* If the character sheet is 74 pages long, no one is ever going to read it

* If my character can legitimately consider long-running comic book characters weak in comparison to them, they're not allowed

* May not become a being devoted to copying, stealing, devouring and generally collecting powers, memories, appearances, items and so on just because I'm indecisive about my identity and want to try things out
** May not use my replication powers to make two duplications of a unique weapon to dual-wield against the person wielding the original

* May not create a "chicken pox" that actually turns people into chickens
** May not use it on the enemy army
*** May not enhance it to become a Cuccoo pox
**** May not defeat the leader of the enemy army with a swarm of cuccoos transformed from their own men

KorvinStarmast

2023-02-10, 09:35 PM

* May not create a "chicken pox" that actually turns people into chickens
** May not use it on the enemy army
*** May not enhance it to become a Cuccoo pox
**** May not defeat the leader of the enemy army with a swarm of cuccoos transformed from their own men
But you may shout out "I'm Cuccoo for Cuccoo pox (https://youtu.be/xBGpRLjNnzM?t=19)" while you battle them, right? :smallsmile:

Lord Raziere

2023-02-11, 05:57 PM

* The Numidium Vs the Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann will probably just result in the surrounding reality being destroyed by reality-breaking shenanigans
** Combining the Numidium and Spiral Power is just completely ridiculous

* May not use vast Jumper powers to create a race of lesbian monster girls loyal to me
** May not begin conquering worlds with them and offer people to become one of them with magic
*** May not offer healing to people that turns them more monster girl the more it heals them

* May not create an artificial universe just to test what happens when someone divides by zero in it

* Even if my Stand is to switch the places of subjects and objects, may not go around switching random things for comedic effect
** May not switch anyone's food with a bomb
*** Especially if it makes my enemies exclaim "YOUR FOOD JUST BECAME A BOMB! OOOOH NOOOOOOO!!!" Joseph Joestar style

* My options for empowering other people may not be "become an Exalt" "become a planeswalker" "become immortal" or "become mythical progenitor of a new species of your own creation"
** may not take options to become an anyone-absorbing, infinite clone replicating, supernatural disease creating, shapeshifting hivemind

thorr-kan

2023-02-11, 07:24 PM

* If the character sheet is 74 pages long, no one is ever going to read it
"Old Man Henderson, is that YOU?!"

tomandtish

2023-02-12, 09:29 PM

* No matter how objectively terrifying an eight-story dog would be, if it's an eight-story pomeranian, the general response is going to be 'cuuuuuute!'

** Or 'kill it with fire!' There doesn't seem to be any in-between.

Related: My DM told me I'm no longer allowed to use pomeranians as the material spell component for flaming sphere spells.

Rater202

2023-02-12, 09:31 PM

Even if the rules allow it, I can't play as a Celestial or a Rogue Watcher in a Marvel Superheroes game.

Lord Raziere

2023-02-12, 11:38 PM

Even if the rules allow it, I can't play as a Celestial or a Rogue Watcher in a Marvel Superheroes game.

* May not be someone with Rogue's powers plus some way of extending and multiplying limbs to grab as many people as possible

* May not go into superhero universes just to teach FMA Alchemy so people can make bread out of grass
** May not point out that FMA Alchemy is safer than most superhero powers, as its rules are known and easily followed, its abuses are easily identifiable and the worst things it can do require a lot of knowledge of how it works and very big transmutation circles to make work requiring centuries to properly set up.

* the mastermind behind everything may not be a dog from an alternate timeline

Bayar

2023-02-13, 04:27 AM

* Cannot use magic to create liquid deuterium

* Even if the DM IS my therapist, he won't give me a consultation during the game

* Cannot start The Portable Hole Quilt Club unless the club is inside the portable hole

* My dwarf is not a door to door obsidian salesman

* A kobold marshall with an army of kobold warriors is fine. A kobold marshall with an army of kobold miners is plausible. A kobold marshall with an army of kobold concubines trying to start a breeding program or genetic research is right out.

** For that matter, the draconic for kobold is not drosophila melanogaster

* Giving firearms to my undead is not allowed, even if Terraria did it

** Trying to bypass the last rule by only giving my intelligent undead firearms, while being more sensible, will only result in having to use said undead to fight a demilich dracolich piloting Mecha-Godzilla

*** Cannot use my undead as crew for anything larger than a jeep. An Aircraft Carrier is right out

Bohandas

2023-02-13, 05:05 AM

* Giving firearms to my undead is not allowed, even if Terraria did it

Not to mention every movie involving either modern vampires and/or nazi zombies

undead as crew for anything larger than a jeep. An Aircraft Carrier is right out

I'm certain that I've heard of running a ship with a skeleton crew

danielxcutter

2023-02-13, 07:28 AM

Guns are still pretty good in Vampire the Requiem. Think they're still useful in Masquerade too.

KorvinStarmast

2023-02-13, 08:27 AM

* A kobold marshall with an army of kobold concubines trying to start a breeding program or genetic research is right out. I am not sure I understand the problem here. :smallcool:

I'm certain that I've heard of running a ship with a skeleton crew I've got one floating around in Salt Marsh that the party still has not run into ... yet. :smallbiggrin:

Telok

2023-02-13, 12:25 PM

*** Cannot use my undead as crew for anything larger than a jeep. An Aircraft Carrier is right out

Oh, yeah. I'm probably not allowed to infest the PC's spaceship plumbing & sewage lines with random plague zombies again. It was a big ship and they never did put any effort into an eradication progran, preferring to give the crew laser guns for going to the toilets.

thorr-kan

2023-02-13, 01:21 PM

Related: My DM told me I'm no longer allowed to use pomeranians as the material spell component for flaming sphere spells.
Your DM is right. That's what chihuahuas are for.

Even if the rules allow it, I can't play as a Celestial or a Rogue Watcher in a Marvel Superheroes game.
Sounds like a DM needs to up their game...

tomandtish

2023-02-13, 02:41 PM

Your DM is right. That's what chihuahuas are for.

Only if they are long hair. The long fur helps make the perfect sphere.

Lord Raziere

2023-02-13, 11:29 PM

Just Exalted 3e Things:
* May not describe Solar Brawl as punching people like Goku, going Super Saiyan and firing a kamehameha
** May not describe Dragon-Blooded Brawl as being a Waterbender without the water yet still being just as effective
*** May not describe Lunar Brawl as like animal mauling you in a flexible adaptable way
**** May not describe Sidereal Brawl as someone embracing the violence with zero chill to force their foes into making hard decisions, making Sidereal Brawlers sound more terrifying and brutal than all of the above

Rater202

2023-02-14, 02:34 AM

"Sherlock Holmes did it" is not an excuse or justification for faking a seizure to get out of a potentially dangerous conversation.

Bohandas

2023-02-14, 03:51 AM

"Sherlock Holmes did it" is not an excuse or justification for faking a seizure to get out of a potentially dangerous conversation.

*or for doing hard drugs

Telok

2023-02-14, 12:44 PM

Not allowed to refer to the party token human as "Mr. Bacon, our emergency long pig" anymore after we ended up trying to google recipies.

Telwar

2023-02-14, 04:09 PM

* I am not allowed to suggest orog ranching as a means to equip the town guard with heavy armor
** Orogs do not "moult" their plate armor when they're teenagers into regular human-sized plate
*** Don't even think about other uses for the orogs
**** Even if orcs and orogs are more pig-like than humans, thus making "long pig" more reasonable.

Bohandas

2023-02-15, 02:15 AM

*The Flying Guillotine is not a French trapeze performer

*Cubond is not "The Ed Gein Pokemon"
**Even if it does wear the skull of its mother

danielxcutter

2023-02-15, 02:23 AM

*The Flying Guillotine is not a French trapeze performer

Do I want to know what it is then?

Bohandas

2023-02-15, 11:21 AM

It's a kung-fu movie

danielxcutter

2023-02-15, 11:31 AM

I see. Recently been watching clips from Kung Fu Hustle, is it comparable?

Bohandas

2023-02-16, 03:01 AM

I see. Recently been watching clips from Kung Fu Hustle, is it comparable?

Flying Guillotine is much more serious in tone, despite being much sillier in concept (it's about guys who use a very implausible weapon that you throw onto people's heads and it cuts their heads off)

Bayar

2023-02-16, 08:28 AM

I think Mythbusters tried to make a flying guillotine once.

D&D_Fan

2023-02-16, 10:05 AM

* If you're flying a helicopter at a low altitude, while fighting terrorists, your chances of being hit by a rocket propelled grenade is nonzero.
** The fact that your character and his crew have survived multiple RPGs and subsequent helicopter crashes is concerning.

danielxcutter

2023-02-16, 10:30 AM

If you're a WoD or CofD werewolf, not really.

Bayar

2023-02-18, 04:23 AM

* Homebrewing land warforged be mostly male personality and aquatic warforged be mostly female is an interesting premise. Having the seaforged look like waifus from gacha games is not.

** Nor is having a seaforged pretend to be the ship's figurehead until we get into combat.

* If the game takes place only inside a city, it better not be a carbon copy of Stormwind.

* Regardless of the similarities, Danmachi is not Ptolus with the serial numbers filed off.

* Staying at the DM's house overnight is ok if he invites you. Staying up until 5 AM building decks with that other friend when you need to leave at 6 AM because you're afraid you won't be able to wake up on time is probably less so (to be fair, the DM's the only one who got any sleep that night)

* If we pause the game during combat for pizza, that doesn't mean the characters also stop to eat.

* While cool, cannot decorate my whole living room with creepy stuff for Call of Cthulhu games to the point the players start taking sanity damage.

** Not every glass has to have a skull motif, even if all of them were gifts and not bought for specifically for the previous rule.

Rater202

2023-02-18, 10:12 AM

I can't name characters Al Pocalypse, Reverend Elations, Gertie Dammerung, or Ray Gnarock.

*Ray Gnarock is not a genetic chimera knitted together from the DNA of Mighty Thor and Apocalypse.
**He was not created and raised by a secret commune of superhumanly intelligent rednecks.
***The G had better be silent.

Rockphed

2023-02-18, 10:43 PM

*Ray Gnarock is not a genetic chimera knitted together from the DNA of Mighty Thor and Apocalypse.

I thought "mighty thor" was the woman thor and Apocalypse a man, so wouldn't "child" be the better term than "genetic chimera"? I get that the likelihood of the two of them reproducing together is lower than Orsino Palpatine having a non creepy relationship. And that mixing genes is kinda Apocalypse's thing. X-Men is Weird.

* I cannot have a narwalman barbarian / war lock named Rage-narock.

Rater202

2023-02-19, 02:58 AM

I thought "mighty thor" was the woman thor and Apocalypse a man, so wouldn't "child" be the better term than "genetic chimera"? I get that the likelihood of the two of them reproducing together is lower than Orsino Palpatine having a non creepy relationship. And that mixing genes is kinda Apocalypse's thing. X-Men is Weird.

* I cannot have a narwalman barbarian / war lock named Rage-narock.1: Mighty Thor is just the editorial title used when referring to Marvel Thor, regardless of whether it's literally Thor Odinson or just someone wielding Mjolnir.

2: Genetic Chimera implies a certain artificialness to it.

3: All cards on the table, however, even with The Odinson, technically, given that Apocalypse can shapeshift at the molecular level and explicitly rewrite his DNA with this power it is theoretically possible that he and Thor could conceive a natural child. Several different Hells would have to freeze over, but it's theoretically possible.

Fiery Diamond

2023-02-19, 09:42 AM

2: Genetic Chimera implies a certain artificialness to it.

Actually, "Genetic Chimera" is a real term, for a real phenomenon, and it has nothing to do with man-made genetic tampering. Wikipedia Entry (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chimera_(genetics))

I mean, you could artificially create a genetic chimera (as the article states), but there's nothing about genetic chimerism that implies it.

Rater202

2023-02-19, 11:16 AM

Actually, "Genetic Chimera" is a real term, for a real phenomenon, and it has nothing to do with man-made genetic tampering. Wikipedia Entry (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chimera_(genetics))

I mean, you could artificially create a genetic chimera (as the article states), but there's nothing about genetic chimerism that implies it.

I know that... But I assumed that the context changing the meaning would be obvious. It was not, and assuming made an ass of me.

Reltzik

2023-02-21, 08:07 PM

* Unless I as a player first get a WHOOOOOOOOLE lot of singing lessons, not allowed to role-play bardic performances.
** A similar ban now exists on instrumental performances.
*** Pre-recorded lute music of "It's A Small World" is not an acceptable substitute.
**** The DM doesn't know how I can pre-loot recorder music, doesn't want to know, and doesn't need to know. It's forbidden regardless.
***** Other banned songs include "99 bottles of beer", "Henry the VIIIth", "My Heart Will Go On", the Barney Song, "This Old Ma-"
****** No longer allowed to share details and RP samples like these about my backup character as a way of ensuring that my current character survives.
******* No longer allowed to build bard characters.

animorte

2023-02-21, 08:39 PM

******* No longer allowed to build bard characters.
Well... That certainly escalated. I'm curious to know exactly how long it took to get from the first bullet ruling to the last.

Was going to say you can always fall back on beat poetry.

Lord Raziere

2023-02-21, 09:06 PM

* If someone says my character would kill their own mother for a nickel, may not correct them by saying "Excuse me, it was for a dime"

* May not be a "Klyntar-Poison-Extrembiote Hybrid"
** Mostly because most people don't even know what those are

* May not copy everything about a person including their powers then just go around as them doing stupid things to make them look stupid.
** Such as randomly breaking out into unrelated songs that have nothing to do with the situation
*** or if they're rich donating large amounts of money to causes they claim to hate.
**** May not disguise myself as Lex Luthor then go around announcing "ME LOVE SUPERMAN MUCH, ME KISS KISS LOVETIME GO" to screw with him
***** or as Doctor Doom to say "I would like to admit that me talking in the third person is silly and that I'm just jealous that Susan Storm stole Reed Richards away from me. I'm actually incredibly tsundere-yandere about the whole thing"
****** Not sure how I'd go about humiliating The Joker, because I'm pretty sure he'd laugh at whatever attempt I do, but I still may not do it.

Reltzik

2023-02-22, 03:41 AM

Well... That certainly escalated. I'm curious to know exactly how long it took to get from the first bullet ruling to the last.

Was going to say you can always fall back on beat poetry.

It's been a long time since this one happened, but I think it took somewhere in the neighborhood of 5 minutes?

We took a break in the game because the pizza had arrived. One player went to the door to collect it and pay the delivery guy, one player went to the kitchen to grab some plates and glasses and napkins (and stayed in there for a bit to chat with the guy who went to the door), one player took advantage of the break to hit the bathroom, the DM stayed at the table to (try to) make some notes about the session up to that point, and I pulled out my backup character sheet and started talking at the poor soul. The conversation went something like...

Me: "By the way, I've got this bard as backup in case my rogue dies."
DM: "Cool."
Me: "I'm thinking I'll actually role-play the bardic performances."
DM: "Yeah, okay, whatever, I'll take a look at it after-"
Me: "You know, something like-" *starts singing, quietly, so the other players can't hear*
DM: "NO. Not unless you take a million singing lessons first."
Me: "What if I played an instrument?"
DM: "Do you, the player, know how to play an instrument?"
Me: "If we chose to define knowing how to play as-"
DM: "Absolutely not."
Me: "Fine. What about pre-recorded music? I could probably find a lute rendition of It's A Small World..."

And I teased the DM like that for a few minutes until it became clear that it was all "don't kill my character" extortion and I got told not to do that. (Not actually serious extortion, we would make big shows of pulling crap like that as jokes with the goal of getting caught and called out on it as the punchlines.) When the other players came back to the table, the DM called for everyone's attention and officially announced (without any context provided to the rest of the group) that I was now banned from even creating a bard character ever again and if they ever so much as SAW me holding a character sheet with the word "Bard" written in the class entry they were under orders to pelt me with dice.

Bohandas

2023-02-22, 04:55 AM

Jolly Green Giant is not a type of main sequence star

Pauly

2023-02-22, 06:38 AM

* May not respond to an accusation of shooting an unarmed man by saying “How could I know he was unarmed - he had his back to me?”
** May not refer to the posse closing in on our party as a result of (*) as “good, they’re giving us a wide shot selection”

KorvinStarmast

2023-02-22, 08:13 AM

* May no longer telepathically tell my hunting pet to pee on the bank managers leg, no matter how funny the Crew found that to be. (Timing is everything).

Lord Torath

2023-02-22, 09:36 AM

*** Pre-recorded lute music of "It's A Small World" is not an acceptable substitute.Dang it, Reltzik! Now I've got that song going through my brain! Maybe I can replace it with "I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts"...

Mandark

2023-02-24, 08:51 PM

DM: "Absolutely not."
Me: "Fine. What about pre-recorded music? I could probably find a lute rendition of It's A Small World..."

When the other players came back to the table, the DM called for everyone's attention and officially announced (without any context provided to the rest of the group) that I was now banned from even creating a bard character ever again and if they ever so much as SAW me holding a character sheet with the word "Bard" written in the class entry they were under orders to pelt me with dice.

Look up Through the Fire and Flames - Tavern Version
Just play it in the backround. See who notices.

dspeyer

2023-02-28, 06:46 PM

**** The DM doesn't know how I can pre-loot recorder music, doesn't want to know, and doesn't need to know. It's forbidden regardless.

Pre-recorded lute music is perfectly sensible. Pre-looted recorder music suggests someone stocked recordings of that retched semi-flute in actual stores.

TeChameleon

2023-03-01, 03:45 AM

* Failing to set a trap properly is nothing unusual. It's a bit weird when you manage to repeatedly fail to bait a trap when the procedure in its entirety is 'dump a barrel of blood on the ground'.

* Getting impatient because the rest of the party is waffling around for twenty-plus minutes about not much is... well, not great, but understandable. Responding by summarily murdering the one combat encounter we got this session in the second round is a bit less so.

* If the other players get into an argument about whether my characters are primarily sociopaths or psychopaths... and I almost exclusively play chaotic good characters, with the full intent of remaining (and doing) good... something has gone a bit odd. That or I've been following the Pyromaniac'smancer's credo a little too closely (namely "The only problem that cannot be solved by the application of enough fire is too much fire. Corollary; there is no such thing as too much fire.")

Lord Raziere

2023-03-01, 10:11 PM

* May not half-remember the lyrics to a song I don't know as "MEGAHARDAN GIGAREAL RICARDO FORGET ABOUT IT"

Bohandas

2023-03-03, 02:01 AM

The Harlequins of Cegorach are not Juggalos

Bohandas

2023-03-05, 06:39 PM

*Morgan le Fey is not related to Tina Fey

danielxcutter

2023-03-05, 07:04 PM

That's what they want you to think~

Lord Raziere

2023-03-07, 02:14 AM

TeChameleon

2023-03-07, 05:12 AM

* May not declare the Power of Family to surpass that of Friendship.

** Especially not if 'the Power of Family' is just a euphemism for Dominic Toretto spontaneously appearing and running your enemy over in some absurd muscle car.

* Likewise, the greater power is not 'The Power of Friendship... and this gun I found'.

** Most likely because the gun will jam, as any gun you found just laying around isn't going to have been properly maintained.

KorvinStarmast

2023-03-07, 08:14 AM

I may no longer forget to 'push to talk' three turns in a row when playing an on-line game.

Anonymouswizard

2023-03-07, 09:58 AM

* May not have the villain have a defense against power of friendship attacks
** May not proclaim "Foolish, did you think I wasn't prepared against such an obvious force?" then kill all the heroes easily after they survive
*** The rest of the campaign may not be spent looking for an actual power greater than the villain to defeat them with when the power of friendship fails

I hope they've not also protected themselves against the power of love, the power of hate, and the power of rock. Because at that point you're pretty much just left with the power of bacon, and that's really hard to transport.

animorte

2023-03-07, 10:49 AM

Because at that point you're pretty much just left with the power of bacon, and that's really hard to transport.
Is any other power really even needed at that point?

Bohandas

2023-03-07, 03:36 PM

*The magic mirror is not Siri
**or Alexa
***"Mirror mirror on the wall...was Chelsea Handler in The Happytime Murders?"

Anonymouswizard

2023-03-07, 04:46 PM

*The magic mirror is not Siri
**or Alexa
***"Mirror mirror on the wall...was Chelsea Handler in The Happytime Murders?"

Or on the houses I tend to frequent:

'Mirror mirror on the wall, set basting timer for thirty minutes.'

Rockphed

2023-03-07, 10:23 PM

The mirror also isn't facebook or google.

* I cannot use scrying artefacts to stalk my crush.

Bohandas

2023-03-07, 11:10 PM

* May not have the villain have a defense against power of friendship attacks
** May not proclaim "Foolish, did you think I wasn't prepared against such an obvious force?" then kill all the heroes easily after they survive
*** The rest of the campaign may not be spent looking for an actual power greater than the villain to defeat them with when the power of friendship fails

****The defense against the power of friendship is not multi-target attacks

*****The Power of Friendship is not a euphemism for forming an angry mob

EDIT:
*May not replace all of the problematic Vistani characters from Ravenloft with a conspicuously white fortune-teller named "Madame Karen" who roams the mists in a camper van filled with mayonaise jars, yoga mats, and small dogs

*The name of the skill is "Knowledge (Nobility and Royalty)" not "Knowledge (Celebrity Trivia)"

Rater202

2023-03-12, 07:38 PM

*I cannot play a misotheistic "cleric" who gets their spells from the concept of their hatred of the gods.
**Even though under standard D&D cosmology all the gods are kind of bastards and they and the Outer Planes themselves are dependant on rendering down sapient beings to first batterie and then raw materials to be recycled or devoured, a character with the goal of "kill all the gods and destroy the Puter Planes" cannot be chaotic good.

Eldan

2023-03-12, 08:38 PM

danielxcutter

2023-03-12, 09:18 PM

I was going to say "Ur-Priests" but that works too.

Bohandas

2023-03-17, 01:27 PM

*May not depict the author of the Necronomicon as a naive idealist who is placidly unaware of or unimpressed by the horrific implications of the dark truths he has just shown, and therefore disappointed by the book's reception

**May not misattribute quotes from Richard Dawkins to Abdul Alhazred

***"a foreign publisher of my first book confessed that he could not sleep for three nights after reading it, so troubled was he by what he saw as its cold, bleak message. Others have asked me how I can bear to get up in the mornings. A teacher from a distant country wrote to me reproachfully that a pupil had come to him in tears after reading the same book, because it had persuaded her that life was empty and purposeless. He advised her not to show the book to any of her friends for fear of contaminating them with the same nihilistic pessimism
If something is true, no amount of wishful thinking can undo it. That is the first thing to say but the second is almost as important. As I went on to write:
Presumably there is indeed no purpose in the ultimate fate of the cosmos but do any of us really tie our hopes to the ultimate fate of the cosmos anyway? Of course we don't, not if we are sane. Our lives are ruled by all sorts of closer, warmer, human ambitions and preceptions. To accuse science of robbing life of the warmth that makes it worth living is so preposterous, so diametrically opposite to my own feelings and those of most working scientists, I am almost driven to the despair of which I am wrongly accused"
-The Necronomicon The Selfish Gene, 30th Anniversary Preface

TeChameleon

2023-03-18, 03:54 AM

* Even if you are double their height and something like eight times their mass, "You are puny and your attacks seem ineffective." is a bad greeting. Especially when you are being rescued from an airship crash caused by an enormous Ice Worm partially eating, then choking on your airship.

** Even so, Miss Manners probably won't back the response of finding an even bigger Ice Worm and beating it to death with one's bare hands... while inside its mouth... smashing its teeth to get out, and then staring the huge, insulting rescuee firmly in the crotch while demanding "Puny and ineffective?"

Rockphed

2023-03-18, 08:16 AM

KorvinStarmast

2023-03-19, 08:46 AM

* May no longer use up all of the party's beverages - mead, ale, brandy, whisky, rot gut - to get a couple of ogres drunk.
The monk had the DTs the next day thanks to no booze
** May not do an impromptu stand-up routine in Giantish to go for the big laugh.

Telok

2023-03-19, 11:42 AM

As GM I may no longer give the dire squirrels a "collect nuts" ability and and "gelding blow" special attack. It's "or", not "and".

tomandtish

2023-03-19, 05:05 PM

Rockphed

2023-03-19, 09:02 PM

I cannot make my villains thinly veiled references to current politicians.
* I cannot make my villains a mashup of current politicians.
** My villain's plan cannot be to merge all the politicians into a single person.
*** "We won't accumulate their ages" does not make it better.
**** Going "metal wolf chaos up in this joint" is right out.

Bohandas

2023-03-20, 02:06 AM

I cannot make my villains thinly veiled references to current politicians.
* I cannot make my villains a mashup of current politicians.
** My villain's plan cannot be to merge all the politicians into a single person.

***and certainly not by making them into a human centipede

KorvinStarmast

2023-03-21, 06:11 AM

* May not try to talk the rest of a party into buying a house in Barovia - Death House - on the basis that it's a fixer upper.
** May not try to induce the Barbarian into Real Estate Rage when the house implodes after our first walk through ...

Bohandas

2023-03-23, 01:16 AM

*"Hufflepuff" is not slang for weed

Lord Raziere

2023-03-23, 01:40 AM

* My Dragon-Blooded does not possess a necklace proclaiming themselves to be "$THE IMMACULATE DRAGON OF BLING$" in white jade.

* Chejop Kejak does not proclaim "Kill them all its the only way" every time Solar Exalted are mentioned

* The first thought of every Exalted is not to go find some random ruins and pick up cool artifacts that are conveniently exactly what they want.

Anonymouswizard

2023-03-23, 04:58 AM

* Exterminatus is a privilege, not a right.
** Even for Inquisitors.

animorte

2023-03-23, 05:02 AM

* Exterminatus is a privilege, not a right.
** Even for Inquisitors.
***But for the Daleks, it is a requirement.

Anonymouswizard

2023-03-23, 06:07 AM

***But for the Daleks, it is a requirement.

I believe they call it 'Skaroforming'.

Tohron

2023-03-23, 01:54 PM

* My Dragon-Blooded does not possess a necklace proclaiming themselves to be "$THE IMMACULATE DRAGON OF BLING$" in white jade.

** I may not play a dragon that wears their entire hoard as bling.

Rater202

2023-03-23, 03:06 PM

I may not spend all my time scheming on ways to steal famous corpses.

Telok

2023-03-23, 03:10 PM

No longer allowed any miscommunications that result in "armor nipples" appearing on the equipment lists.

Anonymouswizard

2023-03-23, 07:21 PM

No longer allowed any miscommunications that result in "armor nipples" appearing on the equipment lists.

But how else will I play Batman!?

danielxcutter

2023-03-23, 07:29 PM

** I may not play a dragon that wears their entire hoard as bling.

There actually was a Korean fantasy novel called Shadow Eraser with a dragon like that. He's a contrarian.

I may not spend all my time scheming on ways to steal famous corpses.

I mean, there is that Promethean merit that represents the corpse (or one of them) used to make you being a famous person so...

Bohandas

2023-03-25, 07:38 AM

*Church's Chicken does not ward off vampires

No longer allowed any miscommunications that result in "armor nipples" appearing on the equipment lists.

for some reason I misread that as "razor nipples"

danielxcutter

2023-03-25, 08:01 AM

*Church's Chicken does not ward off vampires

...is that a thing in the States?

for some reason I misread that as "razor nipples"

That's probably a Dark Eldar thing.

Rockphed

2023-03-25, 08:10 AM

*Church's Chicken does not ward off vampires

* neither does Popeye's.
** Chick-fil-A might, but you have to be a cow with poor spelling.
*** KFC will only ward off vampires who are on a diet.
**** ... And have willpower to resist breaking their diet.
***** pulling out a Long John Silvers bag full of the fry crumbs and dumping it on a table might make a vampire compulsively count them. Or they might just eat them.
****** Dominos pizza will get you a mercy death from most vampires.

Bohandas

2023-03-25, 12:48 PM

...is that a thing in the States?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church's_Texas_Chicken

Rater202

2023-03-27, 11:04 PM

My character's campaign goal needs to be more ambitious than "gain eternal youth and become rich enough to live in leisure indefinitely."

danielxcutter

2023-03-27, 11:12 PM

My character's campaign goal needs to be more ambitious than "gain eternal youth and become rich enough to live in leisure indefinitely."

That unironically sounds like a fairly good one.

Rater202

2023-03-28, 06:59 PM

*I cannot create a clone of The Doctor that lacks higher brain functions and farm it for regeneration energy in order to revitalize myself.
**The GM doesn't want to hear my explanation for why I only need the one.
***Apparently I hallucinated Timeless Child.

Anonymouswizard

2023-03-28, 08:58 PM

danielxcutter

2023-03-28, 08:58 PM

The Timeless What now?

I think you just proved their point.

TeChameleon

2023-03-28, 11:07 PM

* I may no longer one-shot an Ancient Green Dragon with a non-combat spell.

* I may no longer sink significant resources into some experimental gnome-tech 'warheads' (mounted on ballista bolts) and proceed to miss every single shot. Somebody downrange had either a very, very bad day or a fairly surreal one.

* I may no longer get off the plot rails by accelerating the plot so hard that it jumps the track on its own.

Pauly

2023-03-29, 01:11 AM

* I may no longer one-shot an Ancient Green Dragon with a non-combat spell.

.

Sounds impressive. What did you do?

Bohandas

2023-03-29, 01:18 AM

***Apparently I hallucinated Timeless Child.

are you sure you're not thinking of the Nightmare Child?

Lord Raziere

2023-03-29, 02:25 AM

The Timeless What now?

Timeless Child, google is your friend (https://tardis.fandom.com/wiki/Timeless_Child)

* May not invent to a martial art attack to make everyone realize "let me google that for you" exists with a punch
** may not go around doing that to every person that asks a question I don't have the answer to
*** May not consider it worth it when I'm arrested for punching people because I'll at least I'll make the world more educated in the process.

Anonymouswizard

2023-03-29, 05:00 AM

Timeless Child, google is your friend (https://tardis.fandom.com/wiki/Timeless_Child)

The Timeless What now?

Lord Raziere

2023-03-29, 07:03 AM

The Timeless What now?

I'm assuming this is some in-joke about the thirteenth doctor and how everyone doesn't like that run, so I'm just going to say I don't get it and move on.

* May not make a ki using martial artist who only fires ki blasts with finger gun blasts like a wild west gunslinger
** supernatural martial artists do not have finger gun showdowns at high noon
*** Sidereals especially do not settle fate disputes with finger gun showdowns at high noon

Rater202

2023-03-29, 09:00 AM

*When the GM proposes an ExvsWoD game about a group of Exalts on a road trip around the country investigating hauntings and monster sitings, the players are not to conspire to each make a different member of Mystery Inc and see how long it takes the GM to notice.
**No matter how much I want to say "Rooby-Roo!" in the voice I affect for my wolf-totem's War Form when they realize.
***While Fred could plausibly be represented by a Zenith Caste, Velma by a Twilight, and Daphne by a Chosen of Serenity, Shaggy is not a Dawn Cast.
****No number of clips from Phantosaur will convince the GM otherwise.

TeChameleon

2023-03-29, 05:10 PM

Sounds impressive. What did you do?

It may be a bit less impressive than it sounds, as it was mostly an excercise in catgirl-killing. The level 12 party was on an airship being pursued by four ancient green dragons (hello, plot railroad... admittedly sorta-kinda at the request of some of the players, who wanted to do a shipwreck scenario).

So, fairly high-speed chase scenario (at least as far as D&D goes).

My gnomish wizard/rogue skillmonkey had Force Ladder (https://dndtools.net/spells/spell-compendium--86/force-ladder--3938/) prepared in case of aerial combat. Waited until one of the dragons had their mouth open, then cast it as far down the dragon's throat as the DM would allow, pinning it to the sky like a butterfly to a corkboard.

At that point the DM apparently decided that most of your internal organs rupturing simultaneously (immovable ladder inserted down your throat at ~50mph) didn't allow for a whole lot of saving throws, and declared the dragon either dead or unconscious and quickly left behind, out of the fight.

Hellpyre

2023-03-30, 12:42 AM

It may be a bit less impressive than it sounds, as it was mostly an excercise in catgirl-killing.

That reminds me of a fun one

*May not use wind wall and an explosive potion to form an impromptu breaching charge
**May definitely not them proceed to sweep rooms with fireball while we advance room-by-room
***The paladin should most definitely not be advocating to kill them all and let the gods sort them out.

thorr-kan

2023-03-30, 03:40 PM

That reminds me of a fun one

*May not use wind wall and an explosive potion to form an impromptu breaching charge
**May definitely not them proceed to sweep rooms with fireball while we advance room-by-room
***The paladin should most definitely not be advocating to kill them all and let the gods sort them out.
I think you've got that bacwards. You are REQUESTED AND REQUIRED to breach and sweep using explosives and fireballs. It's a moral imperative! At least for me; I was running a kender cleric of Sirrion
(Dragonlance god of fire) in I9 Day of Al-Akbar. I got ahold of the delayed blast fireball, figured them out, matched them up with my hoopak, and we steamrolled the opposition.

*As the DM, not allowed to weaponize the party's catchphrase of "We were minding our own business!" as an excuse to attack them, when there were, in fact, minding their own business.

Telwar

2023-03-30, 06:06 PM

KorvinStarmast

2023-03-30, 06:13 PM

***The paladin should most definitely not be advocating to kill them all and let the gods sort them out.
Why not? You said that like it was a bad thing.

TeChameleon

2023-03-30, 07:08 PM

Why not? You said that like it was a bad thing.

Might be problematic if they were playing an Oath of Redemption pally... or if they were doing it in such numbers as to significantly increase the gods' workload... (wouldn't surprise me, on this board)

* Triple-teaming the BBEG in combat is sound tactics, and allowed, maybe even encouraged.

** Triple-teaming physics in such a way that the BBEG ends up as collateral damage, however, will make the DM sad.

* Not allowed to point out to the DM that he has specifically asked me to build a Gnomish artificer, despite knowing darn well what my sense of humour tends to be like. Particularly a Gnomish artificer from a country whose national character is loosely based on my own RL personality.

** Not allowed to attempt to introduce Emwelchus, Gnomish god of Heavy Artillery, into the campaign world
(although I'm going to try anyways... or maybe just Emwelchus, Gnomish god of Explosions)

*** There is no Gnomish religious order called 'The Little Sisters of Perpetual Combustion', and it is wrong of me to try and create it.

**** I'll probably get away with horrifically abusing wands of low-level spells crafted into 'experimental Gnomish warheads' for a while, but I'm probably not allowed to see just how stupid I can get with it. I suspect the 8 single-shot wands of Fireball slaved to the same command word, bundled with a magic mouth on the bolt itself to speak the command word on impact, in order to make an AIM-9 Sidewinder Ballista Bolt will be the limit, but we'll see (don't really know if that's 100% RAW legal, but I'm pretty sure my DM will let me get away with it, at least once)

***** The Gnomish equivalent of Halloween isn't a psychotic illusion-fest that is so traumatizing to non-Gnomes that anyone caught in the country that day has to hide in a lead-lined bunker with permanent trueseeing cast over it. Or maybe it is :smallamused:

Rockphed

2023-03-30, 09:23 PM

animorte

2023-03-31, 08:24 PM

Rater202

2023-04-02, 06:38 PM

My Makavian's derangement cannot be Jerusalem syndrome.

Bohandas

2023-04-02, 11:49 PM

*May not speculate about how familial curses that last for n generations interact with inbred royal lines

Pauly

2023-04-03, 01:38 AM

That reminds me...

*I may not foil the party's plans with a group of meddling kids.
**Even if that includes a talking dog.
***Especially if that includes a much smaller talking dog.

However, we can foil the DMs plans with a coordinated group of meddling PCs (and have).

* May not foil the party’s plans by having them encounter some annoying baby goats, then tell them they would have gotten away with it but for those pesky kids.

Bayar

2023-04-03, 04:09 AM

* Vestals were not the real life version of the Sisters of Perpetual Combustion.

* My gnomish artificer should not act like Lina Inverse.

** Neither my gnomish artificer or any homunculus may act like Pokota.

* If my kobold artificer builds an airship for the party, it must be sized for medium creatures. Not tiny.

** Yes, even if all the players are kobolds.

* Cannot create the manga version of The Necronomicon.

** Or the colouring book.

*** None of Junji Ito's books are any of the above already.

* Speaking of Junji Ito, I will never drink oil in front of other people at the table regardless if we're playing a game or not.

* No puzzle should require reinstalling Windows 98 to solve.

** Make that any OS.

Anonymouswizard

2023-04-03, 06:42 AM

My Makavian's derangement cannot be Jerusalem syndrome.

** Or the belief that they're a character in a game.
*** Particularly a game we're not actually playing.

* My concept for a Nosferatu cannot be 'Fred Jones, except exactly the same'.

Rater202

2023-04-04, 06:33 PM

"Friendship=Magic" does not appear anywhere in the Life Equation.

danielxcutter

2023-04-04, 08:11 PM

"Friendship=Magic" does not appear anywhere in the Life Equation.

Isn't that one supposed to be the meaning of life and refuting nihilism and all that? Why shouldn't it have that part then?

TeChameleon

2023-04-04, 10:59 PM

* If I'm actually kind of hoping for a fight, I probably shouldn't insist that we try diplomacy first on the only (potential) combat encounter of the night.

** Even if in one of the few sessions I missed, the party nearly destroyed the world by accident by assuming that a character was evil (and promptly killing them) because the monster manual said so, despite this being a homebrew world. And the character not being evil. Or aggressive.

*** Should probably stop bringing up the time the party murdered the good-aligned, friendly lich for no reason. Especially since it was years ago.

**** And should probably stop being annoyed about missing a fight, given that we now have right of passage, a friendly (or at least non-hostile) guide, and warning of a local empire that uses huge swarms of undead as troops.

thorr-kan

2023-04-05, 11:04 PM

* If I'm actually kind of hoping for a fight, I probably shouldn't insist that we try diplomacy first on the only (potential) combat encounter of the night.
One of my players did this.

It lead to one of the most epic role-playing scenes in my campaign, led to the "We have pamphlets!" inside joke, and still has ongoing ramifications that will shake the campaign world to its core.

Bohandas

2023-04-06, 02:22 PM

*May not refer to laudanum as "steampunk fentanyl"

Rater202

2023-04-10, 09:42 PM

*I'm not allowed to translate Drgonforce songs into fantasy languages for my Bard songs.
**Especially not The Last Dragonborn into Dovahzhul in an Elderscrolls-themed game.

TeChameleon

2023-04-11, 02:28 AM

*I'm not allowed to translate Drgonforce songs into fantasy languages for my Bard songs.
**Especially not The Last Dragonborn into Dovahzhul in an Elderscrolls-themed game.
... why on Earth not, unless your singing voice is even worse than mine?

* Playing Valhalla Calling (whatever version) is going to make people nervous, even if it is thematic.
** Yes, it's an awesome song, but people go to Valhalla when they're dead. Are you deliberately trying to invoke a TPK?
*** Fine, but even in the afterlife, trying to out-drink Thor is going to cause a CON check.

Bohandas

2023-04-11, 03:43 AM

*Walter White was not one of the suspects in Clue

KorvinStarmast

2023-04-13, 06:41 PM

* May not set fire to the insane asylum in Charhollow
** May not get into a gunfight against unknown enemies with an ally who had just joined the group and had (1) zero investment in the plan and (2) who'd been arguing with his wife (IC and OC) for about 30 minutes before we staged the raid.

Reltzik

2023-04-16, 08:13 AM

* No longer allowed to employ the "if I roleplay in a really entertaining and comedic way so that all the other players are laughing, they will want my character to stick around and thus not report my treason to Friend Computer" strategy. It's just too damned O.P.

danielxcutter

2023-04-16, 08:48 AM

I thought that was half the point of playing Paranoia when you're not getting instantly murderlized by Friend Computer.

PhoenixPhyre

2023-04-22, 12:34 AM

I'm not allowed to make a character who kills enemies with copies of Robert's Rules of Order. Whether by hitting them with books or annoying then to death by quoting out of context, irrelevant passages.

In fact, I'm not allowed to reference RRO anymore.

Bohandas

2023-04-22, 03:36 AM

*May not advocate for implementing Friend Computer's policies in real life
**Not every political problem can be solved with tranquilizer pills
***Or at least that's what people keep telling me

Anonymouswizard

2023-04-22, 03:52 AM

* I may not challenge the enemy leader to a porridge eating contest.
** Even if I can cite precedent.

Rockphed

2023-04-22, 06:56 AM

* I may not challenge the enemy leader to a porridge eating contest.
** Even if I can cite precedent.
*** Porridge wrestling is right out.

Rater202

2023-04-22, 07:42 AM

*"Homer Simpson did it" is not a good justification for doing anything, let alone in a Cthulhu Mythos game.
**Especially not challenging Cthulhu himself to an eating contest.
***I cannot eat Cthulhu

Anonymouswizard

2023-04-22, 09:18 AM

*"Homer Simpson did it" is not a good justification for doing anything, let alone in a Cthulhu Mythos game.

Objection! He's clearly some kind of eldritch abomination!

tomandtish

2023-04-23, 03:11 PM

That reminds me...

*I may not foil the party's plans with a group of meddling kids.
**Even if that includes a talking dog.
***Especially if that includes a much smaller talking dog.

However, we can foil the DMs plans with a coordinated group of meddling PCs (and have).

I will not arbitrarily fireball the party with the smaller talking dog.

The PLAYER who introduced the monstrosity, OTOH.....

DrewID

2023-04-23, 11:17 PM

I will not arbitrarily fireball the party with the smaller talking dog.

The PLAYER who introduced the monstrosity, OTOH.....

I think "I may not attack the other players with fireballs" is a good general rule.

DrewID

dspeyer

2023-04-24, 02:26 AM

***I cannot eat Cthulhu

Tracked down my patron and ate him with garlic
The screaming wore off past an hour or two.

**** I probably shouldn't eat the heart of the goddess who ate Cthulhu either
***** I may not resurrect the god who ate that heart
****** After the heartless remnant of the goddess splits into two gods who are even more insane, I should not aid either of them
******* Nor should I hire a team of general ne'erdowells to steal said hemideities
******** Not all our campaign worlds need to interrelate -- especially when the campaigns are in different systems.

thorr-kan

2023-04-24, 11:50 AM

I think "I may not attack the other players with fireballs" is a good general rule.
You take that touchie-feelie, New Age BS somewhere else.

*May not use the players' love of dogs and cats to distract them with real-life pets while I surreptitiously rearrange the miniatures to improve my tactical situation.

Tohron

2023-04-24, 11:57 AM

You take that touchie-feelie, New Age BS somewhere else.

**If the other players refuse to play characters without fire immunity, things have gone too far.

KorvinStarmast

2023-04-24, 01:46 PM

* May no longer - when a voice coming from a dimly lit alley says "Hey there, handsome!" - respond with "She must be talking to me!"

** May not join the secret cult, based on the ensuing encounter, just because my (IC) PC's mother used to worship in that religion.

*** May not refer to that religion's ritual dance as The True Twerk

***I cannot eat Cthulhu Breaded and fried, it tastes like chicken calamari. Best paired with demon's ichor a fruity white wine.

tomandtish

2023-04-24, 11:47 PM

I think "I may not attack the other players with fireballs" is a good general rule.

DrewID

Well, if you want your game to be BORING.....

thorr-kan

2023-04-25, 02:45 PM

Well, if you want your game to be BORING.....
See? SEE?! It's not just me!

Lord Torath

2023-04-25, 04:06 PM

Yeah, we play in my home. I do not want fireballs going off in my home! Fireball Insurance is expensive, the deductibles are too high, and I'm sick of funding my contractor's vacation condo. No fireballing other players!

TeChameleon

2023-04-25, 11:31 PM

**If the other players refuse to play characters without fire immunity, things have gone too far.

...

*shifty look*

I didn't use that much friendly fire...

Then again, that character had a stated life goal of setting everything that annoyed him on fire, and frequently got irritated with the other party members... hmm.

And the fire immunity wouldn't have helped them anyways, I took a couple of feats to bypass it :smallamused::smalltongue:

* Apparently not allowed to miss sessions. Wasn't there last week and the party spent the entire session huddled around the campfire at night while unknown things in the trees asked them riddles, told jokes, and laughed at them.

** Even if it gets the plot moving again, if things in the night are terrorizing the party, should not just fly right up to one of them and give them a strange look just to see what they do.

*** Even if, logically, my aaracokra monk would have no cultural context whatsoever for 'scary clown', still shouldn't shrug and dismiss the magically horrifying undead clown-things as 'another weird human(oid) thing'.

**** Still not allowed to 'nope' the DM's fun when one of his NPCs runs face first into a monk ability that nullifies whatever it was trying to do (disease immunity is fun!)

***** Probably shouldn't have been disappointed that there were only three of the deadly, fear-casting, paralysis causing, disease-spreading ghouls in that encounter, and that finding more of them would take effort.