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Bhu
2023-06-11, 04:58 PM
BOB, THE LOVE RHINO (Warlock Patron)
Bob was a rhino once. A perfectly happy, ordinary rhino, who somehow got promoted to being a living representation of the concept of Love. A position he is eminently unsuited for. Not that Bob doesn't try his best. Unfortunately, Bob is limited to the rhino concept of courtship, which is "wait for her to whistle, throw down in what might be the fight of your life, snuggle, pray not to die." He's slowly coming around towards other species concepts of love and romance, but it's going to take a while. The Gawds appear to be patient enough to let him figure out the job without their help (that's what his Warlocks are for). Till then he hands out nuggets of advice like "When she lowers her head to do a death charge, she can't see you. Sweep the leg and let her know you're seriously considering a future with her, and not just some random fling."


EXPANDED SPELL LIST
At 1st Level you choose from an expanded list of spells when you learn a Warlock spell. The following spells are added to the Warlock spell list for you.

Spell Level Spells
1st: Ceremony, Sanctuary
2nd: Aid, Warding Bond
3rd: Beacon of Hope, Revivify
4th: Aura of Purity, Death Ward
5th: Circle of Power, Dispel Evil and Good

TOUGH LOVE
At 1st Level, Bob teaches you his favorite concept of love: tough love. Which seems to involve swinging your head recklessly through the air like a ball and chain directly into your enemy. This is a melee attack that does 1d8 Bludgeoning damage, and that uses your Charisma Modifier for attack and damage rolls. If your opponent fails a Strength Saving Throw (Save DC is the same as your spell save DC), you can choose to Shove your opponent 10 feet in any direction, or knock it Prone. It is considered magical for the purpose of overcoming Damage Resistance/Immunity. Damage increases to 2d8 at Level 6, and 3d8 at Level 10.

BIG HEART
At 1st Level, you use your Charisma score instead of Constitution for determining your hit points and Con Saves. While you are wearing no armor and not wielding a shield, your AC equals 10 + your Dexterity modifier + your Charisma modifier.

TOUGHER LOVE
At 6th Level your Tough Love attack now has the option of Stunning your target if they fail the Strength Save, and if you score a critical you can now automatically Shove your opponent or knock them Prone. Your head now qualifies as a Heavy Weapon for purposes of using it with the Great Weapon Master Feat.

TOUGHEST LOVE
At 10th Level, your AC is now at minimum equal to your Charisma score on any round you use your Tough Love attack.

BRINGING DOWN THE LOVE
At 14th Level, you can ask Bob himself for aid. As an Action, you part the clouds with light shining down from above, and an ethereal, rose colored rhino rides a shining rainbow directly into your foes while cherubs sprinkle rose petals and peppermints in his wake. Choose any point you can see for Bob to land, and he attacks all targets within a 10 foot wide by 120 foot long line in a direction you choose. Each creature in the line must make a Dexterity saving throw. A creature takes 20d6 Radiant damage on a failed save, or half as much damage on a successful one. Additionally, if any target fails the Saving Throw, they are flung 30 feet in any direction, and knocked Prone. You may do this once per long rest.


NEW INVOCATIONS

YAR!
Prerequisite: 5th Level, Tough Love
On any turn in which you move before you attack with Tough Love, any successful attacks you make with that class feature do an additional 1d8 Radiant damage on the first successful attack of your turn.

SOMEDAYS YOU GET THE HORNS...
Prerequisites: 5th Level, Tough Love
You can attack with Tough Love twice, instead of once, whenever you take the Attack action on your turn.

AND SOMEDAYS THE HORNS GET YOU
Prerequisites: 12th Level, Tough Love
When you hit a creature with your pact weapon, the creature takes extra radiant damage equal to your Charisma modifier (minimum 1).

SyntheticHuman
2023-06-15, 11:37 AM
This whole class is hilarious, but I genuinely really like the concept of swapping out Condition for another ability for the purposes of hit points. That's a pretty cool concept, I'll have to steal it for something.

P. G. Macer
2023-06-16, 06:08 PM
I agree with the previous poster. In addition to being downright hilarious conceptually, this is also very well put-together!

LibraryOgre
2023-06-17, 09:00 AM
This is one of the most disturbing subject lines I have seen in a long time. :smallwink:

Bhu
2023-06-17, 05:07 PM
Thanks all! I was hoping someone would find it amusing.