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Yodaman23
2007-12-06, 08:41 PM
I was inspired by 1001 Stupid Magical Item threads to a make a campain where every magic item was turned to stupid and funny items. There is a balence between useless and useful items. Could you help me convert exsisting magic items that are commonly bought at the start of a campain to stupid/funny items, They can be usefull or useless but they must be entertaining and slightly clever regarding the original, or you could just creat your own. Have fun, be funny, be strange.

cupkeyk
2007-12-06, 08:48 PM
We once had an all male party full of testosterone and grunting. We were tasked to retrieve a brazier of fire elemental control to save a small township from an Elemental Swarm. When we found it, it was actually a brassiere of fire elemental control. One of us had to wear it and command the fire elementals in public, in front of the very towns people we were hoping of saving and whose admiration and worship we were vying for, if there was any hope of saving the day.

Snadgeros
2007-12-06, 08:55 PM
Our dervish got himself a +1 (I think it's +1 anyway) magical talking scimitar. While the bonus is nice, the talking part is just hilarious. He never actually says anything of use, instead just screaming battlecries. Examples:

*Dervish retreats to heal*
Sword: :smallconfused: What're you doing? Come on, man! Let's kick some ass!

*Dervish scores a crit*
Sword: OH YEAH!!!!!!:smallbiggrin:

*Dervish unsheathes scimitar*
Sword: Wha-? What's going on? Where's the baddie? Lemme at 'em!:smallfurious:

It works great for virtually any personality. Be creative.

Doresain
2007-12-06, 09:26 PM
hat of disguise-->cat of disguise
ring of invisibility-->ring of (emotional)instability
circlet of persuasion-->chicklets of persuasion (like in the dennis the menace movie)

and the girdle of opposite gender is an item that should included in every campaign

Eldritch_Ent
2007-12-06, 09:29 PM
Naww, Ring of Visibility is the best item. It automatically coats your body with a fine gold dust while wearing it, giving everyone +40 to spot you, as per the spell Glitterdust.

Surprisingly, a PC in a game I was involved with used them to make himself easy to find after being buried in a landslide. The party Ranger managed to spot him through three feet of semisolid rock... :smalleek:

Chronos
2007-12-06, 09:29 PM
I imagine you've already seen the magic items to put back (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/Incentives.html)?

streakster
2007-12-06, 09:51 PM
Wand of True Unlimited Power - This wand can increase its number of charges by two. Costs one charge to activiate. This wand can never perform any other magic, indirectly or directly.

Amulet of Spell Mimicry - mimics the effects of any any spell cast on its holder. Precisely mimics. Therefore, using it to mimic the spell the lich just cast to hit you for 2d12 damage - hits you for another 2d12 damage. The amulet only affects evocation spells.

Boot of Manipulation - For every two hours this boot is worn, it grants a free use of the mage hand spell. For every eight hours, a use of the telekinesis spell. This item, of course, has no effect if worn on the player's foot - that would be silly.

Gaian Gauntlets - User receives double his normal strength modifier when in contact with the ground. Gauntlets hold wearer one inch above ground.

King Rale's Road Hammer - When worn, grants unlimited use of the Mountain Hammer maneuver from Tome of Battle. User may not use any other maneuver. User must use at least one Mountain Hammer per round of combat, or be struck by Mountain Hammer. User may use standard actions only to use Mountain Hammer. Whenever the word "Gold" is said, the Hammer will strike the speaker with Mountain Hammer. User must sing the ancient Dwarven Battle Hymn, "I've Been Working on the Rale Road" whenever using the Mountain Hammer maneuver, or be struck with Mountain Hammer. (And yes, if they get hit for not singing the song, and don't sing the song while hitting themselves, they hit themselves again.) May not be set down once drawn.

metalbear
2007-12-06, 09:52 PM
Instead of bag of holding, make it a bag of molding. Any organic items must make a DC check of 11 or be covered in a foul smelling mold.
Cloak of spider climb, becomes stoat of spider climb. A small weasel looking animal that grants the person who has it in a sack spider climb. If the stoat escapes the sack, the PCs have to catch the nibble little wall climber.
Monk's belt of chastity.

Chronos
2007-12-06, 11:19 PM
Wand of True Unlimited Power - This wand can increase its number of charges by two. Costs one charge to activiate.Believe it or not, this is actually overpowered. Magic items are allowed to be multi-purpose, which means that any character with the Craft Wand feat could turn this into (say) a Wand of True Unlimited Power and Fireball. Or whatever else your favorite spell is of fourth level or lower. Use a few dozen charges in a fight, then recharge it before the next encounter.

Mad Wizard
2007-12-06, 11:31 PM
Believe it or not, this is actually overpowered. Magic items are allowed to be multi-purpose, which means that any character with the Craft Wand feat could turn this into (say) a Wand of True Unlimited Power and Fireball. Or whatever else your favorite spell is of fourth level or lower. Use a few dozen charges in a fight, then recharge it before the next encounter.

Not only that, but there are also feats that let you use charges from wands to do other things.

Tallis
2007-12-06, 11:46 PM
Heward's Handy Haversack: when opened a hand reaches out and grabs anything in front of it, pulling it into the haversack.
Flaming sword: This sword is intelligent and blatantly gay. (As long as your players aren't too concerned with political correctness.)

Blasterfire
2007-12-06, 11:59 PM
Believe it or not, this is actually overpowered. Magic items are allowed to be multi-purpose, which means that any character with the Craft Wand feat could turn this into (say) a Wand of True Unlimited Power and Fireball. Or whatever else your favorite spell is of fourth level or lower. Use a few dozen charges in a fight, then recharge it before the next encounter.
I imagine you could also 'a' for massive damage, which would be way cooler.

Darkantra
2007-12-07, 12:06 AM
Flippers of Spider Climb
Only usable under water.

Flying Crumpet
Can only carry characters lathered in butter or jam.

Innumerable Rods
As soon as it is put in a container it multiplies at a rate of 2x#number or Rods per round until the container explodes. The Rods are immune to all damage.

Elixer of Truthiness
Whomever drinks the elixer must succeed on a DC 13 Will save or else be forced to speak nothing but what they believe in their gut for the next 10 minutes.

Pipes of the Sewers
Anytime a character attempts to play the pipes they blow not notes, but sewer water out from the ends.

Cloak of Elvenmind
Anyone who puts on the cloak must succeed on a DC 16 will save or believe themselves to be an elf, regardless of all evidence. They gain low-light vision but refuse to associate with any non-elves.

Circlet of Natural Amor
Any character wearing the circlet seems to attract the unwelcome attention of any animal in heat, in a 1 mile radius.

Dervag
2007-12-07, 12:06 AM
King Rale's Road Hammer - When worn, grants unlimited use of the Mountain Hammer maneuver from Tome of Battle. User may not use any other maneuver. User must use at least one Mountain Hammer per round of combat, or be struck by Mountain Hammer. User may use standard actions only to use Mountain Hammer. Whenever the word "Gold" is said, the Hammer will strike the speaker with Mountain Hammer. User must sing the ancient Dwarven Battle Hymn, "I've Been Working on the Rale Road" whenever using the Mountain Hammer maneuver, or be struck with Mountain Hammer. (And yes, if they get hit for not singing the song, and don't sing the song while hitting themselves, they hit themselves again.) May not be set down once drawn.You know, that item could actually be useful if you know how to avoid hitting yourself upside the head with it.

streakster
2007-12-07, 12:10 AM
It has its uses, yes. I just thought the idea of a hammer that required you to sing was amusing.

GryffonDurime
2007-12-07, 12:15 AM
I thought one of the defining differences between a wand and a staff was that a wand could hold only a single function? Besides which, this wand is not in fact a wand so much as a wondrous item--there is no spell for it to emulate, so it's really not a problem. Wondrous items handle charges seperately, or rather the rules are such that any DM has discretion in the matter of wondrous charges.

I may have to do my own version of this campaign, with my players sparring off against an off-kilter Artificer.

I would like to submit:

Ring of Blinking - Wearer incurs a 20% miss chance on all attacks. Because he can't stop blinking.
Ring of Spell Counters - A rather nice ring with a fine gem that displays the number of spells cast on this plane of existance in the last hour, day, or millenia depending on the setting.
Deck of Mini Things - Randomly creates Tiny-sized wonders and adversaries.

Rockphed
2007-12-07, 12:21 AM
You know, that item could actually be useful if you know how to avoid hitting yourself upside the head with it.

Most of these items are sounding like the specific cursed items in the DMG. I don't remember the exact words, but it did say that many cursed items are incredibly useful if you know what they are and how they work.

streakster
2007-12-07, 12:35 AM
Aster's Ring - Made by a mad mage named Aster, this legendary ring contains part of the truename of Asmodeus. Aster used this syllable to forge a ring that would allow its wearer to summon and command the legend of hell....

Too bad Aster was mad...

"Fire rent the ground, and there he stood, a giant shadow in the smoke. Dressed in regal finery, his Rod at his side, he glared with resentment at the ring that commanded his obedience. As though each word was acid, he spat a question in some hellish tongue at the wizard, who was still tremblingly holding the ring aloft. Shaking, the wizard pointed - and Asmodeus unscrewed the jar's lid.

Yes, this ring allows its wearer to summon the King of Hell to open any container or door, provided that it is not locked, and the character can see the object to be opened. Asmodeus hates the ring, and though he is bound from destroying it, will send armies to try to slay its bearer. The method that Aster used to make this ring is the most sought after magical secret in all the world, though none have ever learned. Aster died of starvation, locked in a pantry.

Mewtarthio
2007-12-07, 12:35 AM
The Eye of Vecna: This beautiful cat's eye marble was owned by Vecna as a child. Sadly, mean bullies took it away from him, setting him irrevocably on the path towards darkness. If the name of Vecna is spoken, even in casual conversation, within an earshot of the marble, the god himself will appear and demand the marble "for evil, badass, necromantic things... yeah, that's it..."

The Hand of Vecna: A straight flush that Vecna played against Kas in an epic poker game. Kas accused Vecna of cheating, and promptly betrayed him. None of Vecna's power actually rubbed off on the hand, but an object reading power will reveal its significance. Good luck getting anyone to believe you. Anyone who won't just confiscate and burn the cards or kill you as part of an elaborate sacrifice.

Sphere of Denial-ation: This is actually sort of a weird, irregular polyhedron shape. It will, however, adamantly claim to be spherical, despite all evidence to the contrary, because it considers weird, irregular polyhedrons to be vile and unnatural.
Campaign Hook: Your players meet the Sphere, and must teach it the values of tolerance and self-acceptance by taking it on a magical epic journey through time.

Immunoreactive Skin: Every living being on the planet is allergic to this stuff, and breaks out in awful rashes every time they attempt to use it. Worse, they must make a DC 30 Fortitude save or suffer eczema for 5d6 months thereafter. Illithids, not being from this planet, are immune to these effects, but they don't really care.

Soups
2007-12-07, 12:54 AM
Last summer I was goofing around with maing artifacts from video games, and I hapened to think of this funny item while reading my message boards

Mithral Hat. This metal foil hat has the power to block all scrying and mindreading powers. even from Epic spells. The drawback is the wearer is under the effects of confusion and must make a DC20 will save every minute or the DM decides some random action.

Nowhere Girl
2007-12-07, 01:08 AM
Sword of Light Healing: This black iron +2 longsword heals 1d8+5 on a successful hit.

Edit: Come to think of it, this could be moderately useful if you used it to attack your friends for nonlethal damage. Each strike would deal X amount of nonlethal damage, then immediately heal Y amount of that nonlethal damage as well as regular hit point damage, too!

Ganurath
2007-12-07, 01:14 AM
All the weapons and armor with magic enhancements can talk, although they don't have any abilities. Their alignment and abilities are based on their special abilities, getting more arrogant and talkative the more powerful they are.

Xuincherguixe
2007-12-07, 01:36 AM
Gaian Gauntlets - User receives double his normal strength modifier when in contact with the ground. Gauntlets hold wearer one inch above ground.

What happens if the player puts dirt in his boots?

Though my thought here is that if the player is creative enough to pull that off they should get something.

Then again, being an inch above the ground might be useful too.

SoD
2007-12-07, 02:50 AM
The vague staff. It radiates magic. Its magical abilities are to appear magical.

The Coin of Occasional Truth. Ask a simple question with only two answers, designating one answer to one side of the coin. Then toss the coin. The coin will magically answer the question with a 50% chance of lying.

Drascin
2007-12-07, 03:34 AM
hat of disguise-->cat of disguise

In that vein, I feel the need to mention that one of my player's hat of disguise is a hat with a dissecated monkey in "The Thinker" posture. He says that, since as long as it's activated noone it's going to see its true form, he should make it as ridiculous as possible. He went to the craziest artificer in Goodport for it, too :smallamused: .

AslanCross
2007-12-07, 04:02 AM
Fruit of Confidence: This fruit is filled with the distilled essence of courage. When imbibed, it gives the subject unparalleled confidence. The subject gains a +10 divine bonus to Charisma checks. The subject can say nothing but the one thing that he or she is afraid to say. (Ex: "I bite my toenails.") This lasts for a day.

Salad Tongfa: As the Monk special weapon. Deals an extra 2d6 damage against plant creatures. Gives a +2 circumstance bonus to Profession (Cook) checks when preparing salad.

Khanderas
2007-12-07, 04:02 AM
Ring of Gentle response
- A lysdexic necromancer once wanted to make a ring that slowed decay (his wife was not too fond of rotting corpses stinking up her house... long story) and the result was a ring that caused the wearer to reply to questions, comments and other conversation in a gentle way. Basically wearing this ring will disable you from suggesting the Guard captain to take a long walk on a short bridge. The wearer does NOT gain a diplomancy bonus, but it could help keep the party from having the foulmouthed barbarian insult important and powerful people (the barbarian problebly wont like it much though).

Sword of Pain
- A talking +1 longsword that is found in a remote location stuck somewhere. Unfortunatly it suffers from a bad back (somehow, or so it claims) from being still in an akward position for so long. In short, this sword is not very helpful unless he is regulary given a backrub (again, what back?). It moans contently and perhaps disturbingly during the massaging process.
It doesn't like to fight either, claiming it hurts.
... Wimp.

Firebowl is a pun that has to be mentioned.

Niknokitueu
2007-12-07, 04:51 AM
Horn of Pain: Sounding the horn is a full action, and results in everyone within 60ft taking one hp damage. Sounding the horn on successive rounds increases the damage by one point (round 2 causes 2 HP to everyone within 60ft, etc).

Robe of Blending: If forced to wear this, nothing happens. If put it on voluntarily, make a DC20 save or die.

Chime of Sounding: When rung, this chime is softly audible to one mile radius. Everyone within range has a 10% chance of coming to investigate the source of the sound. Everyone has -5 to their reaction rolls...

Boots of Lively Kicking: These boots gice you a +4 to dexterity, but only when the character is disco dancing to the tune of 'Saturday Night Fever' (cannot be wearing armour). Player must actually sing along to the tune in order to gain the bonus. In falsetto.

Have Fun!
Niknokitueu

Tyrmatt
2007-12-07, 06:45 AM
Dig out the dialogue of BG2's "Lilacor" 2-Handed Talking Sword. Class in a glass.

F.L.
2007-12-07, 07:23 AM
Trident of Xorning

Summons 1d4 Xorns to you every hour. You don't control the xorns, obviously. Midway in power between the Trident of Warning and the Trident of Yearning.

Leadfeathermcc
2007-12-07, 07:55 AM
Rod of Blunder
Each time the holder of this rod makes a move action there is a 50% chance they fall prone.

Rod of Blithering
The holder of this rod takes a -20 to all diplomacy, bluff, and intimidation checks. In addition, everyone around him mistakes him for an idiot.

Cloak of the Hat
When worn this cloak makes the wearer appear to also be wearing a very fine hat. Was first created by a vain wizard who, while he wanted to be stylish, detested hat hair.

Trident of Warming
This trident is always warm to the touch.

I-own Stones
Whoever holds these stones possesses them.

Mantle of Space
This 4 foot long, 1 foot deep mantle was created to sit over a fireplace, it can hold 150 cubic feet of Hummel figurines, commemorative plates, and family photos.

Bag of Ticks*
This is a small brown bag, full of ticks.
*does not have to be magical.

Leadfeathermcc
2007-12-07, 08:13 AM
Lens of Dentation
This circular prism enables its user to detect minute details, granting a +5 bonus on Spot and Search checks, but only when looking in another creatures mouth.

Marvelous Figments
These sniffing these magic emulsions enable their possessor to see objects that are not there. No one else sees these objects. The effect lasts for 4d6 rounds, after which the user has a horrible headache for 4d6 rounds and takes a -2 penalty to all attack rolls and skill checks.

Roderick_BR
2007-12-07, 08:31 AM
Pimp Hat of charisma: Give it to a party that have no sorcerer and no bard, but have a paladin.
Mirror Shield: Gives SR 15 against evocation spells. It takes damage as glass if struck by any physical attack.

Magical instruments:
Magical flute: Any character with the skill perform (string instruments) can play a flute without penalties. It grants a +5 bonus to the perform check.
Magical lute: Any character with the skill perform (wind instruments) can play a flute without penalties. It grants a +5 bonus to the perform check.
Looks like someone at the academy needs a dictionary...

Kizara
2007-12-07, 08:45 AM
Remember seeing this beauty before:

Rod of Gravity Detection: When released, this rod falls unerringly towards the ground.

And some of my own:

Stick of Poking: Quite sharp. (deals 1d4 piercing damage)

This is a Helmet: While worn, this helmet promptly reminds anyone the wearer meets that "This is a Helmet." in a matter-of-fact tone. Also grants a +1 armor bonus to AC while wearing medium or heavy armor (stacks with the armor's armor bonus).

Toothpick of Doom: This oversized toothpick does 1d2 damage. Why is this dooming you ask? Consider it for a moment. :)

Potion of Spider Climb: When consumed, the subject gains the benefit of the spider climb spell. However, he is also continually being swarmed over by spiders, as if in a 0-range spider swarm. (see swarm entry in MM)

rollfrenzy
2007-12-07, 09:52 AM
Ring of Enlightenment:

Everything within 30 feet of the wearer becomes enlightened with sentience, and granted the ability to speak in the wearers language.

UglyPanda
2007-12-07, 10:15 AM
I always wanted to make a campaign based off of these: 100 swords (http://elothtes.pbwiki.com/100+Swords+of+Sepathok)

Yuki Akuma
2007-12-07, 10:33 AM
Remember seeing this beauty before:

Rod of Gravity Detection: When released, this rod falls unerringly towards the ground.

This could be quite useful if you need to fall straight down in a heavy wind, or something.

Trog
2007-12-07, 10:51 AM
Port-A-Potty: Portable hole already filled with... er.. well you get the idea. Complete with lid.

Soups
2007-12-07, 11:01 AM
Sword Chucks This weapon is made of 2 bastard swords, linked together by a metal chain. When ever you attack, you deal that much damage to yourself unless you make a DC (20+Str) reflex save. Who ever wields this weapon has a constant -4 modifier to Int untill dropped.

Belt Of Grappling +5 Grapple check to keep ones pants on.

Yodaman23
2007-12-07, 11:03 AM
Heward's Handy Haversack: when opened a hand reaches out and grabs anything in front of it, pulling it into the haversack.
Flaming sword: This sword is intelligent and blatantly gay. (As long as your players aren't too concerned with political correctness.)


Those are amazing, the flaming sword is definatly going to be used.

Alex12
2007-12-07, 11:08 AM
Sword of Flame: does damage as a normal Flaming longsword, but is constantly on fire.

Soups
2007-12-07, 11:11 AM
Wand of Mirror Image Cast it at any relfective surface, and you se an exact copy of yourself.

Wand of Insanity When activated this wand plays a Brittany Spears Song.

Neek
2007-12-07, 12:03 PM
The Figurine of Skills
This small figurine is carved in the shape of a monkey. Once per day, when the command word is spoken, the monkey comes alive and shows off its mad beatbox skills. It has a perform skill of +15, and fascinates (as per the Bard ability) to 1d4 creatures around it. While it's mad beatbox skills are sweet, it causes a -2 Listen check to everyone within 30 ft.

herrhauptmann
2007-12-07, 01:10 PM
Bipolar sword:
Each, day, week, hour or month (depending on exact sword) roll to determine the sword's abilities or bonuses. It is an intelligent sword with manic-depressive personality. Bonuses range from +5 holy flaming burst against your enemies (roll mood 20), to a -5 attack and damage, dealing unholy icy burst against the wielder (roll mood 1).

Kurald Galain
2007-12-07, 06:03 PM
Naww, Ring of Visibility is the best item.

I prefer the kind of Ring of Invisibility that turns itself invisible, but not its wearer :)

Did you have the Amulet of Spell Turning yet? It spells the word "turning". Loudly.

A Heward's Handy Haversack that contains actual haver. It can feed a team of a dozen horses indefinitely, but has no other functional purpose.

I had a Hat in my campaign once that telepathically (and unwantedly) advised its wearer on whatever was going on at the time. That was fun!

A book I once read had an Arrow of Sleighing (which does have a purpose, but is definitely stupid) as well as the Minionions of Set, which are evil vegetables.

And of course, the Ring of Extra Ring Wearing.

WrstDmEvr
2007-12-07, 06:06 PM
Staph of the Magi

Upon use, this item creates a staph infection in the eye, making the user suffer a -10 penalty to spot checks

Rigon
2007-12-07, 06:57 PM
Ring of Soccery:
this ring grants its wielder +15 perfom(ball) and the knownledge(Soccery) making the wielder a potent Soccery Player.

Book of Tales:
this book contains 10D12 tales. when opened opened the book asks in common which tale to tell. if the tale named in the answer (in common) is known by the book the book starts storytelling (constant perform 20, no throw). it can be stopped either by closing the book or snoring. once it reaches the end of a story it asks for another title to be told. If two or more Book of Tales are placed atop eachother their start to trade tales (1 tale / hour). No tales are "lost" this way but the book can increase the number of tales to a maximum 120.

Bag of Halting:
Just before you try to put something into the bag your hand comes to a halt. Nothing can be put into this bag. It's always empty.

Swords of Love:
these two swords are a pair (normally a pair of short sword). If the user wields them both they act as normal +1 swords which remove 1 of the dual wielding penalties applied to attacks (no bonus but a penalty reduction). If the user wields only one of the swords then there is a DC12 will save. on fail the sword will refuse to fight (thus no attack can be made with it), on success the sword acts as a +0 sword. if opponents are trying to fight eachother with one-one sword (of the same pair) then the swords refuse to fight always (so none of the two can attack).

Shackles of Freedom:
the locks (a total of four) on these shackles are all DC30 magical locks. but in case they are holding/restraining a living being they open themselves automatically.

EDIT: removed some typos, and...

Amulet of Whichcraft
if the wielder of this amulet touches an item which was crafted then the amulet informs the wielder telepathically that "the item you just touched was crafted" it also lists the craft skills which were used to craft the item.

Jack Zander
2007-12-07, 09:07 PM
Rod of Enemy Detection, Lesser:
This rod pinpoints the exact location of any creature the user has line of sight to.

Rockphed
2007-12-07, 09:18 PM
Rod of Enemy Detection, Lesser:
This rod pinpoints the exact location of any creature the user has line of sight to.

Does it point at invisible creatures or creatures in darkness?

Jack Zander
2007-12-07, 09:24 PM
Does it point at invisible creatures or creatures in darkness?

Do you have line of sight to them?

Non smart @$$ answer: No.

Aquillion
2007-12-07, 10:52 PM
Gloves of the Mime

This pair of soft white gloves is intended to improve the mime capabilities of anyone who wears them. Putting on just one glove has no effect; if both are worn, however, the user is instantly surrounded by a Forcecage centered on the point they were standing when they put them on ('solid' option; as the spell, but duration is 'only' 1 hour.) The Forcecage does not move with them, and remains in place even if the gloves are removed. Additionally, anyone who wears both gloves becomes silenced for as long as they are trapped in the forcecage, even if they later take the gloves off; nobody else in the cage is affected by this. The gloves can produce these effects only once every 24 hours.

herrhauptmann
2007-12-07, 11:18 PM
I like your gloves of the mime.
:)

Mando Knight
2007-12-08, 12:04 AM
Sword Chucks This weapon is made of 2 bastard swords, linked together by a metal chain. When ever you attack, you deal that much damage to yourself unless you make a DC (20+Str) reflex save. Who ever wields this weapon has a constant -4 modifier to Int untill dropped.

Hey, I like sword chucks, yo!

How about this one? Sword of Shatner: a +1 longsword, whoever wields it... must pause in... strange... places! Furthermore, members of the opposite gender gain a +2 Charisma bonus in opposed Charisma checks. Members of both a different race and the opposite gender gain a +4 Charisma bonus...

Alex12
2007-12-08, 12:16 AM
Hey, I like sword chucks, yo!

How about this one? Sword of Shatner: a +1 longsword, whoever wields it... must pause in... strange... places! Furthermore, members of the opposite gender gain a +2 Charisma bonus in opposed Charisma checks. Members of both a different race and the opposite gender gain a +4 Charisma bonus...

Shirt of Shatner. Grants a +15 bonus to all grapple checks, a +2 bonus to resist mind-affecting effects, and user gains the at-will Extraordinary ability to force any Construct with an Int score to make a Will save with a -4 penalty or be destroyed. This last is a language-dependent sonic effect.

Leadfeathermcc
2007-12-08, 12:20 AM
I think the shirt of shatner must be ripped off within 3 rounds if the wearer ever goes into melee combat

Irreverent Fool
2007-12-08, 12:27 AM
Not only that, but there are also feats that let you use charges from wands to do other things.

The poster said the wand may not perfom any other magic either directly or indirectly.

Alex12
2007-12-08, 12:34 AM
I think the shirt of shatner must be ripped off within 3 rounds if the wearer ever goes into melee combat

Hm, perhaps the abilities are not activated unless the character wearing it has taken slashing or fire damage?

Mando Knight
2007-12-08, 12:55 AM
Shirt of Shatner. Grants a +15 bonus to all grapple checks, a +2 bonus to resist mind-affecting effects, and user gains the at-will Extraordinary ability to force any Construct with an Int score to make a Will save with a -4 penalty or be destroyed. This last is a language-dependent sonic effect.

All grapple checks? I'd think it would be opposite gender only... or possibly specifically females only... or gain a further bonus against females...

Shatner's device: a mysterious talking device that displays multiple personalities, which all claim to be a crew member of a "star ship" called Enterprise. Previous owners claim to have been teleported onto this ship, but they also seem to have gone insane. When the owner presses a random button, there is a 25% chance that they, too, will beam aboard...:smallamused: The device also has the effect of increasing the owner's attraction to females, especially those of a different race...

Alex12
2007-12-08, 12:58 AM
All grapple checks? I'd think it would be opposite gender only... or possibly specifically females only... or gain a further bonus against females...
That one is because of Kirk-fu, not attractiveness.

Mando Knight
2007-12-08, 01:15 AM
Oh... yes, of course. I'd forgotten that...

Jack Zander
2007-12-08, 01:19 AM
Alright, if we are doing Star Trek I must post some Star Wars:

Lightsaber:
This +5 keen vorpal brilliant energy longsword also has the following additional effects:
Ignores DR of everything except from other lightsabers and any force effect such as a wall of force or forcecage.
If the wielder succeeds at a DC 20 reflex save, he blocks any force attacks (such as magic missile) directed at him. If his check result beats DC 25, the attack is reflected against another target of his choice instead.
The blade of this weapon actually retracts into an extradimensional space within the weapon's hilt. Activating the blade is a swift action and it automatically retracts if the weapon is dropped (or the user can retract it as a free action). While activated, the blade lets out a low hum that loudens to a crash when striking, and a whir while the lightsaber is swung.
A lightsaber may benefit from Weapon Finesse just as a rapier would.

Mando Knight
2007-12-08, 02:22 AM
...Fine.

Kenobi's Cloak: if the wearer dies, his/her body completely vanishes. The spirit of the deceased may continue to interact with one being who witnessed the spirit's death, though will not be able to physically manipulate anything. Anyone with the capability to detect otherwise invisible spirits can detect this one too by using the appropriate skill check. Other beings cannot hear, see, or otherwise detect this spirit.

Jack Zander
2007-12-08, 02:28 AM
...Fine.

Kenobi's Cloak: if the wearer dies, his/her body completely vanishes. The spirit of the deceased may continue to interact with one being who witnessed the spirit's death, though will not be able to physically manipulate anything. Anyone with the capability to detect otherwise invisible spirits can detect this one too by using the appropriate skill check. Other beings cannot hear, see, or otherwise detect this spirit.

Unfortunately, all this spirit can do is tell you how to play your character better:
"You idiot! What are you rolling a pilot check for? Turn off your targeting computer and give me a use the force check instead! That's a +5 difference right there, man! Anakin was a much smarter student than you!"

Talic
2007-12-08, 02:31 AM
Heward's Mostly Handy Haversack.

As the haversack, except you only get what you want half the time. The other half, you get a large halibut (or other similarly funny edible item). Add 2000 gp to cost for additional use as a food supply. Alternately, don't add to the cost, and have the halibut disappear after a round.


Oil of Social Lubrication
- 1 Vial, slipped into a drink, means a DC 17 Fort save or suffer from mild intoxication.

Pearl of Plowers
- +4 Circumstance bonus to all profession checks relating to farming.

Special Quality - Armor
Greater Intestinal Fortification
- Endowed with exceptional bravery. +2 bonus HP per level, but cannot retreat from combat if anyone else remains.

Ominous
2007-12-08, 02:58 AM
This idea for this item came from the first D&D adventure I ever participated in.

Vorpal Butterknife of Doom
It deals 1d4 slashing damage. The first time anyone it is revealed to a person that this is the Vorpal Butterknife of Doom, the spell Doom is cast on them as though by a 20th level Cleric. It also spreads anything on a bread-like food as though it were butter or jam. If your adventurers can get a monster on a large piece of bread and use the butterknife in a spreading motion on the monster, the monster will spread like jam, killing the monster.

Mando Knight
2007-12-08, 03:19 AM
...I found the girdle amusing enough, so here's a more sinister variation...

Belt of Gender Changing: to all appearances, a standard belt. No shiny transgender-symbol clasp, no nothing.

A DC 25 Use Magic Item or Appraise check reveals its unusually high worth and its magical nature, but not its effect. A DC 25 Sense Motive detects a perverted sense of humor emanating from the belt.

Upon wearing the belt for the first time, the user instantaneously becomes a member of the opposite gender, receiving any bonuses, penalties, and physical appearances associated with that gender of the user's race. The user becomes confused from this change and gains a temporary -5 penalty to Charisma, Wisdom, and Intelligence; this lasts 1 day.

Furthermore, the only clothing that automatically changes when the belt is initially worn is the belt itself. Any equipment fitted or tailored specifically for the character may, therefore, become poorly fitted due to the changed physique of the character...

Unfastening the belt is not a way of removing the gender change, and may only be reversed by another item that can change the gender of a target. Any given belt of gender changing can only affect each wearer once per lifetime.

Rigon
2007-12-08, 06:38 AM
Titan Spear: this gargantuan longspear's weight is 5 times that of a normal gargantuan longspear. Any orc or half-orc who could lift this above his/her head would be favored by Gruumsh, whatever that means. Half-orcs with non-humanoid ancestry are excluded from this effect.

bingo_bob
2007-12-08, 09:51 AM
Immovable Rod, Mk II
This magical rod, a more advanced version of the normal Immovable Rod, is an incredibly potent artifact, used by spacefaring civilizations to anchor structures, planets, and even solar systems.

When activated, the Immovable Rod Mk II because immobile relative to the universe. As a result, the rod immediately either appears to zoom off into space at an incredible speed (though actually, it's the planet, solar system, and galaxy that are moving), or plunge into the ground/your foot, eventually pushing through the planet it was activated on.

Emperor Demonking
2007-12-08, 10:19 AM
Boots, tiny winged: You gain a -2 on diplomacy score, but gain a +5 of bluff scores as noone believes someone with such stupid boots could lie.

Boots of temperal leviatation: These boots allow the user to make a jump check and leviatate as high as the check would normally jump. Only lasts for one turn.

Boots of teleportation: You can teleport these boots at will. (No you can't teleport it into Tiamats belly.)

Arakune
2007-12-08, 10:24 AM
Boots, tiny winged: You gain a -2 on diplomacy score, but gain a +5 of bluff scores as noone believes someone with such stupid boots could lie.

Clamp? :smalltongue:

rickvoid
2007-12-08, 10:46 AM
The @$$-Hat*Cursed*:
Appears to be a large foam buttocks. When worn, the hat immediately casts stinking cloud, centered on the party. For as long as the hat is worn the wearer's charisma bonus becomes negative (unless already negative, in which case it doubles). The hat is sentient, and is capable of speach. Sort of.
Examples:
"ZOMG!! V IS THERKLA!!"
"TH0G N0T EV1L!! TH0G M1$UND3RST000D!!!!!11eleventyone!"
"I @M T3H R0XZ0R$!!!11!!1!11!"
Anytime you fail a diplomacy check, the artifact Banhammer appears in the target's hand (replacing any weapon they may have been carrying) and they immediately attack.
The hat can only be removed by a remove curse spell.

Banhammer*Artifact, +5 Vorpal Warhammer*:
"Seeing that the Belkar's love interest thread had turned to Miko Tentacle Pron, the Mods groped blindly for their Banhammers."
Rumored to be the weapon wielded by the God's that banished Asmodeus to the abyss at the beginning of time. The Banhammer is a +5 Vorpal Warhammer. It has a weight of zero, and can be used by anyone with simple weapons proficiency. On a critical hit (threat range 10-20) target is decapitated as per the Vorpal longsword ("Dude, he totally knocked your block off"), and the body is banished to the Nothing. Resurection is not possible, and the next character the target player makes that resembles his last takes an immediate hit from the Banhammer at the start of his next adventure. Any players who attempt to use the Banhammer are struck by it.

*Edit* Another!

Red Shirt*Artifact, Cursed*:
":smallsigh: Men, this is a very dangerous mission. There is a chance that one of us won't make it back. The following will join me; Mr. Spock, Mr. Sulu, Bones, and uh... you, yes you in the Red Shirt.
:smalleek: Ah crap."
Anyone wearing the Red Shirt will die in place of any other character, no matter the circumstances surrounding that character's demise. If a death occurs and more than one person is wearing a Red Shirt, both wearers die, and a the fabric of the universe is torn, depositing the surviving members of the party on the bridge of the Starship Enterprise (NCC-1701, no stinking A, B, C, or D). All characters must roll a will save (DC 40) or suffer permanent SAN loss from listening to Kirk. All female character immediately become pregnant with the Spawn of Kirk.

OOTS_Rules.
2007-12-08, 11:03 AM
Totem of the Whale.

This is a handheld stone sculpture of a whale. On a full action, you may say an ancient chant to summon a whale. In three turns, a whale will fall on the closest enemy attacking the group. The whale flops around for a while and vanishes.

Suit of the Hogger [CURSED]

When you are wearing this suit, groups of much weaker enemies constantly team up to destroy you. Stronger opponents, however, scoff at your weakness and ignore you.

Roderick_BR
2007-12-08, 11:59 AM
Sword of flaming explosion: This weapon acts as a +1 flaming sword. When you confirm a critical hit, it also causes a huge explosion that causes 1d10 points of fire damage for both target and wielder, and anything in between. This enchantment apparently can't be put on ranged or reach weapons. This can actually be useful for fire resistant or immune creatures. In the hands of an iron golem, it's overkill.

Mordenkainen's Instant Potty Chamber: Great for emergencies in remote areas.

Wand of fireballs: Created by a very, very evil and sadistical wizard. Works only on male creatures with discerned anatomy.

Coffee maker: Creates 1d6 cups of coffee every day. Each coffee cup can make a character ignore the effects of ill-slept nights (like fatigue and exaustion) for 1 hour. A caster needs only half the normal sleep to re-memorize spells or recharge spell slots.

Boots of plumbing and jumping: These brown boots when worn gives the wearer a +5 competence bonus on jumps checks, and profession(plumber) checks. It also gives a +1 competence bonus to attack and damage against turtles.

Freelance Henchman
2007-12-08, 12:17 PM
Totem of the Whale.

This is a handheld stone sculpture of a whale. On a full action, you may say an ancient chant to summon a whale. In three turns, a whale will fall on the closest enemy attacking the group. The whale flops around for a while and vanishes.

In a similar vein:

Bowl of Petunia Summoning

Can be used to summon a potted petunia plant 1/day. The flowerpot will fall from a great height, but can not be directed to strike a particular target. Interestingly (but uselessly), the summoned plant is ALWAYS THE SAME PETUNIA.

rickvoid
2007-12-08, 01:05 PM
How could I forget this one:
http://i249.photobucket.com/albums/gg211/rickvoid/DDStick1.jpg

Mando Knight
2007-12-08, 02:52 PM
Evil Monkey: Lives in your closet. Points a finger at you. Cannot be seen by others... except for one year olds...

Zenos
2007-12-08, 03:47 PM
Larson's drop cow

This unremarkable and quite ugly cow statuette will, if the command word is spoken, drop a cow onto someone in the area of the speaker. The cow will not do damage but will pin the one hit by the cow. There is a 75% chance of the cow falling down on the speaker.

Xefas
2007-12-08, 03:59 PM
Wand of Divine Wrath
At a cost of 1 charge, the Wand of Divine Wrath casts Doom on one opponent within 30ft as a 5th level cleric.
At a cost of 3 charges, the Wand of Divine Wrath casts Bestow Curse on one opponent within 30ft as a 10th level cleric.
At a cost of 5 charges, the Wand of Divine Wrath transmutes the testicles or ovaries of one opponent with 30ft into flaming bears. These bears are the equivalent of Brown Bears with full hit points for their hit dice, except that they are perpetually on fire, taking 1d4 fire damage every round, and igniting combustible material that they touch. The bears immediately attack the former owner of the reproductive organs from which they were made.

Efil
2007-12-08, 04:14 PM
Minotaurs lockpick

A Large +3 Great Big Hammer (greatclub) that does double damage to doors, gates etc.

SurlySeraph
2007-12-08, 04:41 PM
Wand of Divine Wrath
At a cost of 1 charge, the Wand of Divine Wrath casts Doom on one opponent within 30ft as a 5th level cleric.
At a cost of 3 charges, the Wand of Divine Wrath casts Bestow Curse on one opponent within 30ft as a 10th level cleric.
At a cost of 5 charges, the Wand of Divine Wrath transmutes the testicles or ovaries of one opponent with 30ft into flaming bears. These bears are the equivalent of Brown Bears with full hit points for their hit dice, except that they are perpetually on fire, taking 1d4 fire damage every round, and igniting combustible material that they touch. The bears immediately attack the former owner of the reproductive organs from which they were made.

:eek:

I... I...

...

I want one.

shadow_archmagi
2007-12-08, 04:41 PM
Rod of The Little Doctor:

This device allows you to cast Massive Disintegrate, as disintegrate, but with an area equal to ten times the area of the target. Anything caught in this area will have Massive Disintegrate cast on it, creating a chain reaction. Mass Disintegrate works on people, buildings, air, and planets.



Lock of Opening

This lock appears to be a normal padlock. When attached however, it has a lockpicking DC of -3000.


Wand of Dessurection

This wand is the reverse of ressurection; instead of bringing back someone who was alive, it kills someone who never was. Upon its use, the corpse of its target suddenly appears.


Skeleton Bee

This object reacts to locks, stinging the user for 1d20 damage and causing them to swell up like a balloon.

Rigon
2007-12-08, 04:45 PM
Ocarina of Tim: this ocarina is able to remember songs. if the song which is performed with the ocarina is not yet known by it then it is being learned (the value of the skill check is stored inclusive d20 throw). if you perform a song which is already stored in the ocarina then you throw perform again and if it's higher then it overrides the old one. if you play the first six notes of any song known by the ocarina (the rythm doesn't have to be correct) then it plays the song (with the stored perform check value, no throw is being made). it was crafted by the Tim the forgetting, a bard with a memory problem.

MCerberus
2007-12-08, 05:00 PM
The giggle blade - this +1 Assassin's Dagger glows bright pink and illuminates an area as if effected by a Light spell. Every time it is drawn, it will giggle quietly. (DC: 20 to hear) If used by anyone other than an Assassin, treat as a -1 dagger.

Sword of "Swords" - When drawing this +2 longsword, the wielder has a 15% chance of changing genders. This effect is suppressed when the wielder wishes to change genders. The effect takes place instantly and can only be reversed by a Wish or Miracle.

Nattypat
2007-12-08, 05:17 PM
Flaming Sword (yes another one)
This sword functions like a regular +1 Sword but whenever it attacks an opponent it emits a randomly determined insult in the opponent's most used language.

Arutema
2007-12-08, 05:37 PM
Immovable Rod, Mk II
This magical rod, a more advanced version of the normal Immovable Rod, is an incredibly potent artifact, used by spacefaring civilizations to anchor structures, planets, and even solar systems.

When activated, the Immovable Rod Mk II because immobile relative to the universe. As a result, the rod immediately either appears to zoom off into space at an incredible speed (though actually, it's the planet, solar system, and galaxy that are moving), or plunge into the ground/your foot, eventually pushing through the planet it was activated on.
So much for the thory of relativity.

The Relatively Immovable Rod
In accordance to Einstein's theories, when the button on this rod is pressed, it becomes immovable, in relation to whatever creature pressed the button. Meaning that if the button-pusher moves 15 feet north, the rod also moves 15 feet north.

Mando Knight
2007-12-08, 06:04 PM
Bag of Folding: Appears and functions as a bag of holding, but any object placed inside must be folded or bent in quarters. If the object cannot be folded or bent into quarters, it will become damaged in such a way that it can.

Anyone holding this item cannot successfully gamble in a card game: the holder must withdraw from the game after paying the entry fee.

shadow_archmagi
2007-12-08, 06:55 PM
Rapier of Wit: This sword grants a +3 to attack if one can successfully make a witty joke with each attack. Failure to do so results in 1d3 damage.

Lense of gender change: Looking through the object causes the user to permanently percieve all males as females and all females as male.

Xefas
2007-12-08, 07:05 PM
So much for the thory of relativity.

The Thorn of Relativity

This small dagger-sized thorn was pulled from the base of someone's family tree. When a creature is struck with the thorn, they become blood relatives of every living member of the family tree from which the thorn was pulled. Templates may be applied as such.

(Dragons give the Draconic template, Celestials give the Celestial template, Fiends give the Fiendish template, Formians/Inevitables give the Axiomatic template, Slaad give the Anarchic template, Undead give the Entropic template, Bugs give the Insectoid template, etc...)

Mando Knight
2007-12-08, 07:11 PM
Wait... that can actually be useful!

raygungothic
2007-12-09, 12:29 PM
Tasty Potion of Haste (cursed item)

When found, this item is a box bearing the green-and-white holy symbol of a little-known goddess. It contains a cup, a small pot, a portable stove, a hand mill and a bag of dark, powerful-smelling roasted beans of unfamiliar type. Those exposed to the aroma must make a will save or immediately desire to consume a potion made from the beans. Characters who perform the exacting preparation ritual and drink the resulting potion are subject to Haste for 20 rounds, but a nasty case of the shakes reduces their Dexterity by 2 for the duration of the effect and 1d3 hours after.

The potion is somewhat addictive. Failure to obtain a dose every 24 hours results in a crushing headache for -2 to Int and Wis.

The symbol on the box detects as mildly Lawful Evil.

Emperor Demonking
2007-12-09, 12:37 PM
Glove of snoring: This causes you to snore if enemies are near and you are asleep.

Alex12
2007-12-09, 12:40 PM
Tasty Potion of Haste (cursed item)

When found, this item is a box bearing the green-and-white holy symbol of a little-known goddess. It contains a cup, a small pot, a portable stove, a hand mill and a bag of dark, powerful-smelling roasted beans of unfamiliar type. Those exposed to the aroma must make a will save or immediately desire to consume a potion made from the beans. Characters who perform the exacting preparation ritual and drink the resulting potion are subject to Haste for 20 rounds, but a nasty case of the shakes reduces their Dexterity by 2 for the duration of the effect and 1d3 hours after.

The potion is somewhat addictive. Failure to obtain a dose every 24 hours results in a crushing headache for -2 to Int and Wis.

The symbol on the box detects as mildly Lawful Evil.

Soo... It's a box with coffee-brewing equipment, then?

Jack Zander
2007-12-09, 01:02 PM
Inspired by Goblins (http://goblinscomic.com/d/20050724.html) Comic (http://goblinscomic.com/d/20050725.html):

Pointy Stick
When held, roll a d10 for the following effects to happen.

1: Roll again twice.
2-3: The stick delivers a coup-de-grace to the target dealing 1d4 damage with a X2 critical.
4-5: The stick pokes out one of the user's eyes, rendering it permanently blinded. If only one eye is blinded, the creature suffers a -2 to search and spot checks.
6-7: The stick pokes the user in a vulnerable spot and the user is stunned in pain and rendered helpless for 1d4 rounds.
8-9: The stick deals 1d4 damage to the user as it pokes or scratches the skin.
10: The user is intelligent enough not to hurt themselves on the stick.

Arakune
2007-12-09, 01:08 PM
Inspired by Goblins (http://goblinscomic.com/d/20050724.html) Comic (http://goblinscomic.com/d/20050725.html):

Pointy Stick
When held, roll a d10 for the following effects to happen.

1: Roll again twice.
2-3: The stick delivers a coup-de-grace to the target dealing 1d4 damage with a X2 critical.
4-5: The stick pokes out one of the user's eyes, rendering it permanently blinded. If only one eye is blinded, the creature suffers a -2 to search and spot checks.
6-7: The stick pokes the user in a vulnerable spot and the user is stunned in pain and rendered helpless for 1d4 rounds.
8-9: The stick deals 1d4 damage to the user as it pokes or scratches the skin.
10: The user is intelligent enough not to hurt themselves on the stick.

Funny how only 10% of the population are intelligent enough to not hurt itself.

Emperor Demonking
2007-12-09, 01:11 PM
What happens if you roll 10 then 9.

Goggles of minute seeing: Thier are 6 minute egg timers on these goggles, which go down in order so you can the the minutes pass by. When all run out it starts again.

Jack Zander
2007-12-09, 01:14 PM
What happens if you roll 10 then 9.

Goggles of minute seeing: Thier are 6 minute egg timers on these goggles, which go down in order so you can the the minutes pass by. When all run out it starts again.

Then you take 1d4 points of damage form result 9 and no damage from result 10. They are completely different "attacks" if you want to put it that way.

Jack Zander
2007-12-09, 01:17 PM
Funny how only 10% of the population are intelligent enough to not hurt itself.

I know. That number seems a little high to me too. :smalltongue:

Efil
2007-12-09, 02:27 PM
Periapt of proof against poisson

This item protects against fish that speak french or were born within 10 miles of the french border.

Robe of the Arcadi

Gives the following bonuses to people who spend lots of time at video arcades:


+5 Armor bonus to AC
Spell resistance 18
+4 resistance bonus on all saving throws
+2 enchancement bonus on caster level to overcome spell resistance
People think you are a geek, and you probably are, too.

Soups
2007-12-09, 03:30 PM
Potion of PowerThirst. This can looks like a rocket.
When consumed, the following effects may occur;

Affected as if by fairy fire.
+5 to jumping, arson, weddings, art and irony.
+20 to speed
Clerics may change thier diety with no adverse effects
May summon 1 brown bear or large cat from thier nether regions.
at the end of the year, they will have 400 babies.

after consuming, must make a DC40 fort save or die of a heart attack. It's crystal meth in a can.

Mando Knight
2007-12-09, 04:51 PM
Soo... It's a box with coffee-brewing equipment, then?

Specifically, Starbucks coffee equipment.

I like the PowerThirst. Has everything but mentioning the Kenyans directly...

Google of Night: Two opaque lenses that when worn display a computer screen of a Google search for "Night" in... Internet Explorer! *gasp!*

Tallis
2007-12-09, 06:02 PM
Sword of Light Healing: This black iron +2 longsword heals 1d8+5 on a successful hit.

Edit: Come to think of it, this could be moderately useful if you used it to attack your friends for nonlethal damage. Each strike would deal X amount of nonlethal damage, then immediately heal Y amount of that nonlethal damage as well as regular hit point damage, too!

That would be a great sword for anyone that fights undead a lot.

Prophaniti
2007-12-09, 07:18 PM
Fred the Magic Amulet - Fred is the name of the spirit bound to the amulet and controls all of its abilities. These are many and varied, but the most commonly used is Fred's ability to render the wearer invisible. Fred has a bright and bubbly personality and is always willing to help.

Old campaign a long time ago. Found Fred, annoying but useful, kept him around. Then the party rogue decides to use Fred's invisibility power to allow him to sneak deep into the Gnoll King's den in attempt to asassinate him. Got all the way to the throne room about three steps from the King...
Then Fred pipes up, "Hi, I'm Fred the Magic Amulet! You can't see us because we're invisible!". It did not go well from there...

Intelligence is probably the quickest, easiest and most amusing way to ruin an otherwise supremely powerful item.

EDIT: forgot one of my favorites. Mace of Healing - This Heavy Mace deals non-lethal damage only. Casts Cure Critical Wounds on strike. Yes I know its technically useful, but I still find the image hilarious. 'Be healed!' *smack*:smallbiggrin: I always imagined this is the weapon Jesus is wielding on that t-shirt that says 'Jesus saves... and takes only half damage.'

Mando Knight
2007-12-09, 07:44 PM
Reminds me of a guy I know... "The Word of God has a mighty impact indeed!" Then he smacks you with a Bible. Only does it when it's funny, though...

MCerberus
2007-12-09, 09:17 PM
Ring of re-flexes: When worn this ring will force you to repeat the act of flexing your muscles every time you do so.

raygungothic
2007-12-10, 09:54 AM
Soo... It's a box with coffee-brewing equipment, then?

Well, yeah, if your coffee is that heavily cursed.

At least it wasn't Ardraken's Refreshment Simulacrum.

(can anyone remember what those little 2e-era faux-leather-bound compendia of magic items were called? I can't find mine)

Funkyodor
2007-12-10, 11:05 AM
Cursed Scroll of Fold Person - Upon examination this appears to be a very useful spell combining Cantrip (fold clothes) with Hold Person causing a reflex save or death as a lvl 2 spell. Upon use, the spell targets the caster instead of the intended victim. So either the caster dies, or he strips naked fast enough to avoid a grisly death.

Emperor Demonking
2007-12-10, 12:29 PM
Armour of Dragon Hide: If your a dragon you gain a +10 to hide rolls. You can't see dragons.

Wind Fan: The model of a human shouts "Go wind." whenever your near windy conditions.

Scabbarb of keen swords: Your sword refuses to not attack each round its hold for hr after being taken out of this scabbard.

Roderick_BR
2007-12-11, 12:45 PM
So much for the thory of relativity.

The Relatively Immovable Rod
In accordance to Einstein's theories, when the button on this rod is pressed, it becomes immovable, in relation to whatever creature pressed the button. Meaning that if the button-pusher moves 15 feet north, the rod also moves 15 feet north.
Get enough of these, and you can make yourself a mobile shelter.
Bag of Folding: Appears and functions as a bag of holding, but any object placed inside must be folded or bent in quarters. If the object cannot be folded or bent into quarters, it will become damaged in such a way that it can.[/quote]
Can I destroy anything with it? Even artifacts? :smalltongue:

Googles of gaze protection.
A pair of googles with the insides painted pitchy black. When worn, it grants 100% protection against gaze attacks and obfuscation against bright colors.

Sword of hurting
You hold it by the thick, non-sharpened end. You swing it against a nearby creature, hitting it with the pointy end. If you hit, the creature may have his current HP reduced.

Pipes of sewers
Used to repair leaks.

Staff of the Maggi
Gives a +5 bonus on Profession(cook) checks when making chicken soup.

About the healing weapons, there had some healing arrows in some books (I remember Masters of the Wild, 3.0). It was an actual item used both to heal allies from a distance, and to damage undead.

Potion of cure light wounds, throwing
These potions can be drank as normal potions. Alternatively, a normal attack roll, you can throw a throwing potion against an ally as a throwing weapon with a 10 feet range increment, dealing 1 point of non-lethal damage, then cure 1d8+1 points of damage, as normal. It also "heals" 1 point "splash damage" around the square it hit.
There are cure moderate and serious wounds versions as well.

These would be actually good, but hilarious itens.
"I'm hurt". "Incoming!" *smash*

Emperor Demonking
2007-12-11, 12:54 PM
Helm of underwater action: You geta +10 on any skill check to try and get some underwater action.

Rod of metal detection: The metal rod has a wooden pointer that points to the closest metal in the area.

Hand of the mage: When you play cards you can choose what cards to get or get a winning hand. It also makes it so you don't get 5 aces on the table or anything like that.

Hand of glory: Like the hand of the mage but when you go for the winning hand you get 5 aces if that's a winning hand.

Jack Zander
2007-12-11, 02:14 PM
Not a magic item, but a feat this time.

Bonus Feat: You gain a bonus feat for which you meet the prerequisites for. This feat may be taken multiple times.

Rigon
2007-12-11, 05:35 PM
Not a magic item, but a feat this time.

Bonus Feat: You gain a bonus feat for which you meet the prerequisites for. This feat may be taken multiple times.

GENIUS!!!!
I actually love this.

Pendant of the Bonus Dagger: Whenever you are hit by a thrown dagger you can use a charge from the pendant to get hit by a duplicate of that dagger. the duplicate dagger affects you as the original and disappears afterwards. Such a pendant has normally 7D12 charges in it.

TimeWizard
2007-12-11, 07:28 PM
Boots of Elvengrind When worn, the wearer gains a +4 bonus on Craft: Cooking checks to make Elven Coffee.

Deck of Many Things When the command word is spoken, a 20 x 20 foot patio appears on the closest flat ground. On the deck are lots of common household junk, such as clothing, plates, and furniture. Saying the command word causes the Deck and all it's things to disappear.

+1 Icy Trident The Trident is a small bit of chewing gum. Chewing this gum causes the chewer to have minty fresh breath.

Jack Zander
2007-12-12, 12:59 AM
GENIUS!!!!
I actually love this.

Well then, along a similar vein...

New skill
Skillage:
For every rank you put into skillage, you gain 1 extra skill point. This skill is a class skill for all classes (except for the CW samurai... they ain't got no skillz).

Conners
2007-12-12, 07:16 AM
Here's a few interesting one's of the not-so-hilarious variety.
Balancing staff: The stick stands up straight on either end. If you knock it over, it'll spring back up again. It can stand up while under up to 90lbs of weight.
Pure Bead: A gem which purifies water. It floats near the top of the water, taking anything from 1 minute to six days to finish (depending on the amount of water and its clarity).
Cloak of pleasant temperature: Remains at wearer's preferred temperature, unless frozen in a block of ice, or on fire.

Zenos
2007-12-12, 07:39 AM
Pure Bead: A gem which purifies water. It floats near the top of the water, taking anything from 1 minute to six days to finish (depending on the amount of water and its clarity).

Would that one even work in Ankh-Morpork? You know... To clean the river that moves about as fast as continental drift...

Khanderas
2007-12-12, 09:20 AM
Cloak of pleasant temperature: Remains at wearer's preferred temperature, unless frozen in a block of ice, or on fire.
Wizard hat of the traveller: A widebrimmed pointy hat that keeps its wearer at a comfortable temperature, protects from natural rain and sunshine and can 2 time / day light a campfire. Great for the travelling caster who just likes the outdoors, in sane doses.

Ralfarius
2007-12-12, 09:51 AM
(can anyone remember what those little 2e-era faux-leather-bound compendia of magic items were called? I can't find mine)
I think you're trying to remember the Encyclopedia Magica. I have Volume A-C (or is it A-D?) sitting around here, somewhere. Good times.

Snadgeros
2007-12-12, 10:12 AM
A bit of a tribute:

Armoire of Invincibility: This giant wooden cabinet weighs 500 lbs. but is invincible and can hold up to 10 sets of clothing.

Craig1f
2007-12-12, 10:26 AM
Alright, if we are doing Star Trek I must post some Star Wars:

Lightsaber:
This +5 keen vorpal brilliant energy longsword also has the following additional effects:
Ignores DR of everything except from other lightsabers and any force effect such as a wall of force or forcecage.
If the wielder succeeds at a DC 20 reflex save, he blocks any force attacks (such as magic missile) directed at him. If his check result beats DC 25, the attack is reflected against another target of his choice instead.
The blade of this weapon actually retracts into an extradimensional space within the weapon's hilt. Activating the blade is a swift action and it automatically retracts if the weapon is dropped (or the user can retract it as a free action). While activated, the blade lets out a low hum that loudens to a crash when striking, and a whir while the lightsaber is swung.
A lightsaber may benefit from Weapon Finesse just as a rapier would.

The only problem with this is that the Brilliant Energy enchantment prevents the weapon from interacting with anything that isn't alive. I'd remove that, and just treat it as an admantine, but make it glow, and add a property that "regardless of how much force is exerted on the weapon, anything it touches is treated as if it has been swung, two-handed, with full effort, by a creature of STR 50". So if you tap a wall or something, you do 1d10+25 and bypass hardness.

I'd also add the phoenix ash crystal effect from MIC so that anything it hits stays on fire for a round.

Wooter
2007-12-12, 11:40 AM
Pork Sword: A +1 pig bane Longsword that has the words "Pork Sword" prominently displayed on its blade. Fuel for many double entendres.

Emperor Demonking
2007-12-12, 11:56 AM
Wings of frying: Once per day you can use these wings to fry.
Robe of blending: What ever is put in this robe gets blended.
Chest of escape: When you put his chest next to a wall what ever goes in the chest comes out the other side.

Kurald Galain
2007-12-12, 05:30 PM
Boots of Elvengrind When worn, the wearer gains a +4 bonus on Craft: Cooking checks to make Elven Coffee.

I assume that works by throwing the beans in a wooden tub, and stepping on them? :smallwink:


Gem of Sole Trapping. Hey, it's nice to have fish for dinner, no?

Chronos
2007-12-12, 09:54 PM
Would that one even work in Ankh-Morpork? You know... To clean the river that moves about as fast as continental drift...He said, you put it in water. Which is probably the only substance known to Man (or Troll, or Dwarf) not found in the Ankh River.

Ralfarius
2007-12-12, 10:34 PM
Helm of Water Breathing:
This spherical, beaten brass headpiece has thick, glass portholes to the front, sides, and top. When placed on a creature's head, the helmet makes a tight seal and immediately conjures enough water within itself to fill the remaining space. It contains enough water for the user to breath for an hour. If the user cannot breath water, then drowning rules apply. A DC 45 grapple check is required to remove the helmet before its effect expires.

Jack Zander
2007-12-13, 01:48 AM
The only problem with this is that the Brilliant Energy enchantment prevents the weapon from interacting with anything that isn't alive. I'd remove that, and just treat it as an admantine, but make it glow, and add a property that "regardless of how much force is exerted on the weapon, anything it touches is treated as if it has been swung, two-handed, with full effort, by a creature of STR 50". So if you tap a wall or something, you do 1d10+25 and bypass hardness.

I'd also add the phoenix ash crystal effect from MIC so that anything it hits stays on fire for a round.

Good catch, though I've never seen a lightsaber light people on fire (or even objects for that matter).

I dunno if I'd agree with your mechanics either, but it is noteworthy that BE weapons cannot harm undead or objects.

Conners
2007-12-13, 03:45 AM
He said, you put it in water. Which is probably the only substance known to Man (or Troll, or Dwarf) not found in the Ankh River. Actually, it might be able to work if people stopped polluting it. But with only one, it would likely take about 1600 years....

Khanderas
2007-12-13, 04:12 AM
Actually, it might be able to work if people stopped polluting it. But with only one, it would likely take about 1600 years....
Nah. It would scream in pain, then explode, setting the river on fire.:smalltongue:

Conners
2007-12-13, 06:43 AM
Nah. It would scream in pain, then explode, setting the river on fire.:smalltongue: Meh, still be an improvement :smallbiggrin:--though Diskworld's atmosphere might be destroyed by the smoke....

Emperor Demonking
2007-12-13, 12:21 PM
Gauntlet of rust: This gauntlet is rusty, it will always be rusty.
Eversmoking bottle: You can get an everlasting supply of cigarretes or cigars or tobaco from thids bottle.

Jack Zander
2007-12-13, 02:37 PM
Sword of Life Stealing: Whenever this sword deals enough damage to a target to drop it below -10 HP, that creature is instantly slain.

Emperor Demonking
2007-12-14, 11:06 AM
Monk belt: Putting on this deals 1 level loss if your a fighter or palladin, 6 if you have full spellcastng. 4 otherwise while wearing it. You also get the nonks flurry of blows while wearing it.