How do you overcome shyness?

[Jyps]

Hey everyone,

How do you overcome shyness when you’re writing something creative?

When I say “writing” I mean the prep part of an RPG, like the story of the setting, the characters, places, even some lines of dialogues for NPCs. So it is not the writing in itself, but the ideas behind it.

Sometimes I want to propose game ideas to my group (in which I’m usually a player). But I worry they will laugh or cringe at the things I wrote; or even consider it too derivative of some other pop culture product.

I think this is a type of “stage fright”. Have you ever experienced something like this?

[J-H]

1. Practice.
2. For public speaking, Toastmasters!
3. For ideas and your group: What's the worst that could plausibly happen?
Are they going to kick you out of the group, ban you for life, and drop contact? No.
Might they think it's silly? Yes. Will most of them remember it next week? No.
Most people start off with derivative ideas. My best-selling item on the DM's guild is an adaptation of Castlevania IV. I'm making an adaptation of Castlevania II now. Lots of people try to build "X, but Y" in the system, especially at first. There's no harm in it!

[Vyke]

I can only speak for me as far as strategies... it's an issue with too many variables to have a single all purpose answer. But I'm sure everyone has gone through this to some extent. It's hard to put your ideas up for potential critique.

I try to pitch an idea to someone trusted, a single starting point. That gives you a lower stakes discussion to have and you can frame the conversation as just that, a conversation to get an idea sorted in your head (I often use my brother as a sounding board... he's stuck with me....). Then when you have your conversation with the group there's someone else to support you.

I also find, and it helps if you know your audience, that it can help to have something I can talk about that I know will appeal to each player. Then I can highlight those in my pitch and get them excited about the game ideas.

The other thing, though less easy, is to remember you aren't your work. Even if your friends aren't keen then they aren't saying you're bad or a failure.... they just aren't keen on that idea. And that's fair... fun is subjective... they might suggest something that improves what you planned.

(And don't worry about an idea being too derivative or too pop culture heavy. I once wrote a campaign where the core conceit of each adventure could be summed up with a line from one of the players favourite films. When they realised this.... long after the campaign.... I did not get negative comments).

I will suggest though.... remember they are your friends (at at least friendly towards you as you are choosing to play with them). Hopefully they're a little a little interested in your ideas. Your regular GM is probably at least a little interested in getting to play. I know it's easy to assume they'll be harsh.... but they're your friends... give them a chance to show you they're interested.

[Jyps]

1. Practice.
2. For public speaking, Toastmasters!
3. For ideas and your group: What's the worst that could plausibly happen?
Are they going to kick you out of the group, ban you for life, and drop contact? No.
Might they think it's silly? Yes. Will most of them remember it next week? No.
Most people start off with derivative ideas. My best-selling item on the DM's guild is an adaptation of Castlevania IV. I'm making an adaptation of Castlevania II now. Lots of people try to build "X, but Y" in the system, especially at first. There's no harm in it!

Can you post a link to your product at the DM's guild?
Although, I'm not sure if it's allowed in the forum.
Maybe you can hint some keywords for me to find it on my own? Thanks!

[Jyps]

I can only speak for me as far as strategies... it's an issue with too many variables to have a single all purpose answer. But I'm sure everyone has gone through this to some extent. It's hard to put your ideas up for potential critique.

I try to pitch an idea to someone trusted, a single starting point. That gives you a lower stakes discussion to have and you can frame the conversation as just that, a conversation to get an idea sorted in your head (I often use my brother as a sounding board... he's stuck with me....). Then when you have your conversation with the group there's someone else to support you.

I also find, and it helps if you know your audience, that it can help to have something I can talk about that I know will appeal to each player. Then I can highlight those in my pitch and get them excited about the game ideas.

The other thing, though less easy, is to remember you aren't your work. Even if your friends aren't keen then they aren't saying you're bad or a failure.... they just aren't keen on that idea. And that's fair... fun is subjective... they might suggest something that improves what you planned.

(And don't worry about an idea being too derivative or too pop culture heavy. I once wrote a campaign where the core conceit of each adventure could be summed up with a line from one of the players favourite films. When they realised this.... long after the campaign.... I did not get negative comments).

I will suggest though.... remember they are your friends (at at least friendly towards you as you are choosing to play with them). Hopefully they're a little a little interested in your ideas. Your regular GM is probably at least a little interested in getting to play. I know it's easy to assume they'll be harsh.... but they're your friends... give them a chance to show you they're interested.

Thank you! That's great advice!

Luckly, I have a brother of my own. I guess I could ask his opinion first, he is also stuck with me, lol.

[Mastikator]

A couple of things you worry about that you don't need to worry about (in my experience)

It's too derivative/not original. I've near stolen things verbatim and on the rare occasion someone recognize it they just "oh hey it's just like that thing". A good DM borrows, a great DM steals. Stealing is not a bad thing.
Overacting. Unless you're dealing with actual children then overacting is not a thing people will find silly or cringy. Children tend to cringe at *honest attempts*, but not adults in my experience.

A technique often used is to write something to be laughed at. I've watched movies where in one scene I'm laughing hysterically and the next moment I'm crying because the scene is touching. Be serious some of the time, and silly some of the time.

I hope that alleviates some anxiety. Beyond that I agree with the other posters.

One thing I sometimes do for roleplaying/voiceacting NPCs is practice. But also keep in mind that it's optional, if you don't feel comfortable don't do it.

[oxybe]

Don't worry about being derivative.

Free League/Fria Ligan, the game publisher, has a game called Dragonbane (the current English iteration of the 1980's Swedish RPG Drakar och Demoner). There is a race, or kin as they call it, called Mallard.

It's Donald Duck.

It's ability is that it gets SO angry that it gets the game's equivalent to D&D's advantage on any d20 roll that's not int-based. Wanna make sure your sword hits? get angry! a fussy lock? get angry. Need to convince someone to let you by? get angry.

And it's legit awesome and fun.

If a professional game publisher can release a product with a blatant reference to one of the most famous cartoon waterfowls, don't worry about your home game stuff being more cringe or derivative. Do what you feel is fun.

[Nepenthe]

(And don't worry about an idea being too derivative or too pop culture heavy. I once wrote a campaign where the core conceit of each adventure could be summed up with a line from one of the players favourite films. When they realised this.... long after the campaign.... I did not get negative comments).


I want to believe the film was The Princess Bride...

[Vyke]

I want to believe the film was The Princess Bride...

Actually it was Clue.

[Kardwill]

3. For ideas and your group: What's the worst that could plausibly happen?


I'm not the OP, but I can answer that one : Their opinion/feelings about me could be changed for the worse

It's silly. I mean, they're my friends. The real ones, the ones that will stay for the long run, the ones that support me and don't judge me. My second family. Not the toxic teenagers that got booted out of my group long ago.
But for someone who struggles with low self esteem, it is huge, and can cripple me both as a DM, as a player, and as a friend. It blocks me just before I attempt to open up or to play out something that might make me vulnerable. I have to struggle to get out of my confort zone.

Ironically, I have far less problems with complete strangers. Their opinion doesn't matter. My friends' do.

Kardwill, who would love to GM a game of Monsterhearts, but probably never will because of its unsafe topics.

[Kurald Galain]

consider it too derivative of some other pop culture product.

There is a saying among writers that "Shakespeare Did It First". No matter what you write, the odds are very strong that someone else (and usually, Shakespeare) has written something similar in the past. Pretty much everything is derivative of something, and generally readers/players care about a plot done well, rather than a plot being original. So don't worry too much about that one.

[Kardwill]

and generally readers/players care about a plot done well, rather than a plot being original. So don't worry too much about that one.

A familiar plot/setting might even help the engagement of the players, since they know the "codes" of this kind of adventure, and can think of a lot of cool scenes/visuals/characters associated with the original materials. They know what they're getting into, and can get excited about it. Personally, I usually see "derivative" as a good thing.

For the same reasons, I think "Surprise" is over-rated in RPGs. Suspense and Anticipating what's about to happen are so much more fun :smalltongue:

[JellyPooga]

Very often (and I speak from experience) this boils down to nothing more than a fear of criticism. "If they're saying bad things about my work, they must be thinking bad things about me" misunderstands the purpose of critical thinking or commentary. The purpose is improvement. Failure is the mother of development; success only breeds stagnation.

Once you realise that criticism, whether it's intended to be constructive or not, can always be used to improve upon that which is lacking. So when you present your ideas, ask for criticism, expect it and accept it. Will it be hard to hear negative comments about something you've poured effort and time into? Yes. Will it get easier the more you do it? Yes.

[gbaji]

I'll second (third? fourth?) the point about not worrying about your stuff being derivative. Everything is derivative to some degree. And sometimes, that's exactly what you are going for, so you should just own the heck out of it. I did an adventure that was more or less a straight rip off of Big Trouble in Little China. Worked Beautifully. The players totally "got it", and had fun with it the whole time.

If I had one piece of advice for getting over shyness, especially when first starting out GMing, I'd say "start small". Don't try anything too fancy or "twisty". Most game systems handle basic adventuring stuff pretty easily, so start there. It takes some time and experience to weave complex plots and storyarcs together into a coherent whole. Start with something simple, and yeah, there are classics to be followed here. Rescue the kidnapped person. Find the bandits/raiders causing problems in an area. Explore the haunted house, or sealed off mine, or mysterious caverns.

I'd also suggest starting out using a narration style. Don't feel pressured to "roleplay" NPCs, like you are working at the local improv or something. Narrating what is happening is sufficient most of the time. It's more important to get the details and information across to the players than to do so in a stylish and "in-character" way. As you feel more comfortable handing information to the players, you can start experiementing with dialogue and doing voices. Heck. I rarely do them myself. Occasionally, when playing an NPC the party is directly interacting with, sure. But most of the "dialogue" consists of bad guys screaming in anger at the party, or telling them they're going to die horrible deaths for daring to attack the minions of <insert bbeg's name here>. I tend towards a more descriptive form of GMing. I've never had players upset because I'm not putting on costumes or talking in funny voices all the time or whatever. It's just not required at all.

I guess, just don't feel pressured to do anything you are not comfortable doing. Do the low hanging fruit stuff first. Honestly, if you can master that, you are 90% of the way there.

[Kardwill]

I guess, just don't feel pressured to do anything you are not comfortable doing. Do the low hanging fruit stuff first. Honestly, if you can master that, you are 90% of the way there.

I've been collecting those low hanging fruits for 40 years, so it's somewhat frustrating that I still feel unsure to do more risqué stuff. ^^

But yeah, distanciation is a useful tool. I know that as a player, I tend to switch to descriptive 3rd person mode ("Franklin (my character) does that" or "Franklin cowers and begs for his life" rather than "I do that" or "please don't kill me!") when I have to play embarassing stuff (romance or being the bad guy, for example). It helps a lot to distance myself from the embarassment.

[WilliamJoel333]

If you have a good group of players, you can just tell them that you'd like to share some ideas and hope that they won't laugh at you or call them derivative. A caring group will support your ideas and will help you to come out of your shell.

...posting your writings and ideas on web forums, however, (in my experience) usually results in swift criticisms of the harshest kinds!

I think your group will care about you and want to support you, and once everyone has benefited from your input, they'll be really glad they did.
Good luck!

[Jay R]

You grow confidence the same way you grow strength, or dexterity, or knowledge, or anything else.

Slowly, over time, by exercising it regularly.

Actors overcome stage fright by getting on stage occasionally, Ideally in a supportive group.

Your friends aren't likely to laugh or cringe at the things you write; they are far more likely to just shrug and say, "No, that doesn't really appeal to me" if they don't like it.

So my recommendations are:

A. Go ahead and write some ideas down, even if you never show them to anybody. This is the same as an athlete doing strength exercises.

B. Occasionally show some to the friends you trust, and ask them for critiques. Almost nobody who was asked for an opinion either laughs or cringes.

C. Recognize that some things you write won't be good. That's all right. Most top authors couldn't sell the first things they wrote. You get good by starting out not being good yet.

D. Consider writing some ideas and sharing them here, asking for critique. You have a lot of people who actually like helping people with their RPG questions, and whom you will never meet. It's the ideal low-risk forum for it.

E. Think of it in D&D terms. You are now a 1st level writer with no experience. The way to get to be a 10th level writer is to take the adventure of writing things.

F. Finally, remember that you're not alone. When somebody shows you something that they've written, be supportive. Find a good aspect to compliment. Give good useful advice, of the sort that you hope to get.

It will be slow, but it will be worth it. Good luck!

[VampiricLongbow]

You probably have great ideas that your friends would love. Tell them your ideas.

[Tiktakkat]

I always had more trouble with what I thought of what I was writing than what others thought. I constantly second guessed myself when rereading something an hour, day, or week later.
I got over that through the joy of word files, where I could redo something point by point until I liked it, rather than having to rewrite an entire document.

As for what others think, that comes down to three things for me:
1. Are they professional writers themselves with enough credits and income from it that they are living in luxury?
Then why care what they think?
Unless they can do it that much better, they have no standing to dismiss my efforts.

2. Is there a requirement to be a professional writer to play this game?
Then why care if it not of professional quality?
And let's not think about all those professional products that are less-than-impressive.

3. Does anyone like it?
Then why care what the ones that hate it think?
Particularly if some of their ideas are lacking. Maybe their ideas are worse and they just want to deflect attention.
Or maybe the idea does need work. I do a lot of fan writing, and I always want feedback and editing. Sometimes I agree with suggested changes and incorporate them. Sometimes they provoke thought that leads me to improve what I wrote. And sometimes I stick with what I wrote and maybe just fix dangling modifiers and annoying typos. Not all critique is bad.
Granted, by the time I started sharing my ideas widely online I had more than enough endorsement from the people I had gamed with to be able to laugh at anyone who presumed to say my ideas were not good enough, and from there I just received more and more positive feedback that the haters became even less relevant.

[Easy e]

This is a challenge many people face, and it can be difficult. Thankfully the solution is simple, but not easy.

1. Recognize the feeling
2. Take a deep breath and regulate your inner self
3. Pitch your idea
4. Listen to their feedback
5. Realize that feedback is a gift
6. Update and work your idea to improve it, or change it completely to a new idea
7. Pitch it again
8. Repeat until your idea is accepted
9. Celebrate success
10. Play it out

[kyoryu]

Everything is derivative.

Let me repeat that.

EVERYTHING. IS. DERIVATIVE.

That epic Song of Ice and Fire? It's the War of the Roses on upside-down England. Star Wars lifted liberally from Hidden Fortress and Dam Busters. The classic comedy Airplane! is lifted directly from Zero Hour. The Magnificent Seven, one of the greatest Westerns of all time is a lifted version of the great Akira Kurosawa's The Seven Samurai.

Don't be afraid to steal. Do it brazenly. Take elements from all sorts of places, combine and remix them.

[Easy e]

Everything is derivative.

Let me repeat that.

EVERYTHING. IS. DERIVATIVE.



So. Much. This!

Innovation is over-rated.

[Mastikator]

Everything is derivative.

Let me repeat that.

EVERYTHING. IS. DERIVATIVE.

That epic Song of Ice and Fire? It's the War of the Roses on upside-down England. Star Wars lifted liberally from Hidden Fortress and Dam Busters. The classic comedy Airplane! is lifted directly from Zero Hour. The Magnificent Seven, one of the greatest Westerns of all time is a lifted version of the great Akira Kurosawa's The Seven Samurai.

Don't be afraid to steal. Do it brazenly. Take elements from all sorts of places, combine and remix them.

What's that saying? "good artists borrow great artists steal". Applies at the table as well.

[Jay R]

“Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it.”
― C.S. Lewis

Similarly, nobody who bothers about people laughing or cringing will write something worth reading: whereas if you simply try to write something well (without caring tuppence if people laugh or cringe) you will, nine times out of ten, produce the best version you can write.

----

And practice. Always practice. Almost all great writers got rejections when they started. You advance in levels by gaining experience.

A first level Fighter who won't fight because he is too worried that the third level fighters will cringe or laugh at his first-level abilities, will never become a twentieth-level Fighter.

To become a twentieth-level Writer, you must begin by having adventures and gaining experience as a first-level Writer. Just like a Wizard or a Fighter.

[kyoryu]

There's a similar saying - to become great at something, you don't have to love it enough to be great at it. You have to love it enough to be terrible at it and do it anyway.