To serve monster: What creatures would you eat?

[atemu1234]

Inspired by watching Dungeon Meshi, what monsters, from 3.5 or Pathfinder, would you eat?

[Buufreak]

Owlbear: I'm curious which of the two animals the taste is more like.

Ochre jelly: it being an ooze implies acidity, but jelly implies it would be a sweet and sour flavor, which I enjoy.

Dragon, any: I deeply wonder if they, much like many other repitilan critters, taste like chicken.

[Baroncognito]

I had a halfling with bite attack, I tried a little bit of everything. According to the GM, the best tasting thing was celestial. It was also unfortunately the last dungeon creature I was allowed to eat because we needed to make a contract with it, and my part of the contract was I could never eat the flesh of a living being again.

[atemu1234]

In my campaign, Dire Rat Gumbo has become a joke staple of Kobold diets. Likewise, in one of my last few sessions, the party ate Disenchanter, since they were in a magic-rich area that attracted them.

I once had a character that almost died from eating a creature that produces a chemical similar to alchemist's fire.

[Metastachydium]

Halflings? Everything about them sounds like they are for eating. Or Elves. Elves Are Better; ergo, they probably taste better too!

[Telonius]

Monstrous Crab. Probably need a warhammer to get it open, plus a couple pounds of Old Bay.

[emulord]

Gelatanous cube, I wonder how a paralyzing thing would taste, obviously with a good chef to have it not melt my face off.

[Zombulian]

Shocker lizard next question

[Beni-Kujaku]

Illithid brain. Now who's the smart one!?

[loky1109]

I wrote cooking book with about ten receipts for one my campaign. But it's on Russian.

[Pugwampy]

My party defeated and ate a Chuul once . DM said it tasted like crab . Eating was not really a major part of that campaign . Once or twice we rolled survivel skill to hunt food.

My cousin in Australia said his dnd group ate just about every monster they killed .

When i was DM i made a reminder that the party eat and drink something at least once per session or suffer hp loss . That was normally a tavern food or trail rations reply .

[Maat Mons]

I'd be curious to try dinosaur meat.

[Algolei]

Human.









...what? :redcloak:

[atemu1234]

I'd be curious to try dinosaur meat.

That reminds me of the concept of eating Plesiosaur after hunting down the Loch Ness Monster in one campaign.

[wilphe]

It petered out around D; but you mighty find some ideas here

https://forum.rpg.net/index.php?threads/monster-manual-its-a-cookbook.872396/

[Tohron]

Put together a number of proper serving sizes equal to the party size of the healthiest meal you can think of, Polymorph any Object it into a larger feast of delicious but unhealthy food, then, three hours later when it is in their stomachs, it turns back into the original healthy food. Admittedly, Heroes' Feast is lower level, but PaO is more flexible if people have specific tastes.

[Errorname]

I'd be curious to try dinosaur meat.

Never had chicken?

Although I imagine the larger ones would taste quite different. I've had Alligator before and I'm sure you could get Emu from somewhere, they're both surprisingly common farm animals, that's probably as close as you could get with extant species, but I don't think anything on earth comes close to what it would be like to eat meat from a T. rex or an Alamosaurus.

[Pugwampy]

Never had chicken?

Although I imagine the larger ones would taste quite different. I've had Alligator before and I'm sure you could get Emu from somewhere, they're both surprisingly common farm animals, that's probably as close as you could get with extant species, but I don't think anything on earth comes close to what it would be like to eat meat from a T. rex or an Alamosaurus.


I have eaten crocodile . The meat was fatty and tasted like a blend of chicken and pork .

[Vizzerdrix]

I wrote up a few recipes on this forum a long, long time ago.

[Thunder999]

Gelatinous cube served with a cocktail made from Potion of Freedom of Movement (there's some PrC list with it at 3rd level for artificer's to use) and acid resistance, all the flavour, none of the pain. Not suitable for sufferers of acid reflux

[Troacctid]

Roast displacer beast is a delicacy in some places, although it can be confusing for those trying it for the first time. "Waiter, why did you serve the meat onto the tablecloth instead of putting it on my plate?"

[atemu1234]

I wonder what Mimic would taste like - maybe treated with an acidic soak it would have a gummy consistency?

[liquidformat]

Or Elves. Elves Are Better; ergo, they probably taste better too!

Elves have like 0% fat they would be pretty depressing unless you add in some extra fat content, heck they might be like rabbit where if you eat too much of just elf it can make you seriously sick.

Never had chicken?

Although I imagine the larger ones would taste quite different. I've had Alligator before and I'm sure you could get Emu from somewhere, they're both surprisingly common farm animals, that's probably as close as you could get with extant species, but I don't think anything on earth comes close to what it would be like to eat meat from a T. rex or an Alamosaurus.
Honestly, I think the better reference point for large dinosaurs would be ostrich which is surprisingly red meat and not super chickeny from my experience. Iguana is pretty chickeny, I have found rattle snake to be strangely fishy but I think that is more of consistency thing, I have only had gator breaded and fried which makes it a bit hard to place.

I feel like troll could be interesting. I had a game once where we referenced monster components for making potions rather than needing to be a caster and troll blood was the main component for most healing and similar potions. potion makers paid good money for live trolls!

[SimonMoon6]

I would eat Leprechauns so I can teleport and... oh, I'm thinking of a different game.

[Bullet06320]

I feel like troll could be interesting. I had a game once where we referenced monster components for making potions rather than needing to be a caster and troll blood was the main component for most healing and similar potions. potion makers paid good money for live trolls!

captive troll, slice a bit off, it heals, cook and flavor with prestidigitation to taste, repeat for never ending fresh meat

Dwarvin Ale made from Dwarves that died of alcohol poisoning, its was a thing in the world from the group when i first started playing Dnd, i think it might've come from one of the old Arduin books

from the show the magicians, unicorn milk latte, was foul tasting, but they did milk a unicorn, lol

[atemu1234]

unicorn milk latte, was foul tasting, but they did milk a unicorn, lol
"Those were male unicorns!"

"Look, the buckets are full and the unicorns are happy."

[Bullet06320]

"Those were male unicorns!"

"Look, the buckets are full and the unicorns are happy."

i cant help it, they prepared it wrong, lol

[Metastachydium]

Elves have like 0% fat they would be pretty depressing unless you add in some extra fat content, heck they might be like rabbit where if you eat too much of just elf it can make you seriously sick.

Hm. Good point. But what if I fed them really plump Halflings for a few months?


reference point

At any rate, one must wonder how stuff relates to its obvious reference point in general. I mean, Minotaur and beef, Merfolk/Locathah and fish, Bariaur and mutton, Orc and pork…

[Reprimand]

Gelatanous cube, I wonder how a paralyzing thing would taste, obviously with a good chef to have it not melt my face off.

Probably more of a spice with numbing qualities like sicchaun peppercorns.

[Saintheart]

I wonder what Mimic would taste like -

A Mimic surely tastes like something by definition.


As for other meals: if I had a low INT score I'd probably want to sample an Ochre Jelly on the belief it would taste like jelly.

[Vizzerdrix]

A Mimic surely tastes like something by definition.

As for other meals: if I had a low INT score I'd probably want to sample an Ochre Jelly on the belief it would taste like jelly.

I would assume that due to the shape changing nature of a mimic, it would have a stringy yet gooey texture and the meat would (like bears and most predators) taste somewhat like what it had been eating. Personally I would prep it like fish cakes and deep fry it in oil, using lots of spices to adjust the flavor due to a scavengers diet.

Ochre Jelly would need the acid to be neutralized, then most likely have flour mixed in to give consistency. It may be decent to turn into noodles this way. Maybe in a pasta salad with the slight remaining acid serving as a " built in" vinegar like dressing.

As for elf, you would want to prep it like lean meats. I would do as the deer hunter do and make sausage by adding fat from pork. Maybe make a marrow broth and stew some of it too.

[Saintheart]

Seeing as we're plunging down this rabbit hole (and not hunting any rabbits because we're eating our fill of terrified Oozes or Outsiders) would anyone like to speculate on the relative caloric advantages and disadvantages of given monsters?

That Gelatinous Cube is just no good for the BMI score, but a nice Tendriculous could contribute a lot of vital greens without adding too many kcal to the daily limit, especially if you're on a keto diet.

[Maat Mons]

I’d figure oozes would be like jellyfish, laughably poor in nutritional value. If the internet can be trusted, one cup of dried jellyfish contains about 20 Calories, and fresh jellyfish is 95% water, so one cup of fresh jellyfish would contain about 1 Calorie.

[Beni-Kujaku]

I’d figure oozes would be like jellyfish, laughably poor in nutritional value. If the internet can be trusted, one cup of dried jellyfish contains about 20 Calories, and fresh jellyfish is 95% water, so one cup of fresh jellyfish would contain about 1 Calorie.

Agree with that. Animal calorie is mostly contained in fat and muscles, of which the oozes don't really have any. They're mostly acidic water with no actual cell in there. In my opinion, outsiders are about as nutritive as eating dirt or water from their home plane. I'd say Prime Material digestive systems would not be able to digest them, but that they would be of about equal nutritional value to an equal mass of regular animal if we could.

Plants would be as ubiquitous as plants in our world, with celery being basically slightly more corporeal air when it comes to eating it, and potatoes being able to feed entire populations with relatively small crops.

Humanoids, giants and monstrous humanoids, animals, magical beasts and vermin are as close as they can be to our anatomy, and would be as nutritious as the closest animal in our world would be.

Undead would be poisonous to eat (obviously), but also actually drain you of your energy as their Negative Energy would cancel your body's Positive Energy. An excellent way to lose weight! Deathless would be the opposite, filling you with quick energy the way sugar does.

Don't eat Constructs, they're generally made of metal and magic. Unless you're an incantifier. And even then, see a dentist afterwards.

Dragons are a fun one. They could be like crocodiles (fishy flavor, birdy texture), and feed you like you were eating an enormous chicken, but I suspect there are some really nutritious parts in there, like eating the draconis fundamentum would probably fill you with more energy than you ever had in your life. That or ignite your guts and kill you on the spot.

Fey creatures are probably nutritionally close to animals, but I suspect that there is something in their anatomy that prevents creatures from the Material Plane from consuming them. Maybe they have an adverse reaction to the iron in one's body, or maybe they're just so volatile that they disperse into dust soon after being killed. I doubt creatures that mysterious can be eaten so easily.

Finally, aberrations, like always, are all over the place. I wouldn't be caught dead eating a gibbering mouther or a skybleeder, as they would probably be poisonous as all hells, but a catoblepas or a rust monster should be safe and provide nutrition similar to a cow or a very big ant (though the rust monster might also be full of undigested rust, so ask your local japanese chef to prepare it like one of their fugus). Beholderkin feel like a whole lot of nothing (porous anatomy means it is approximately as filling as cotton candy) while illithidkin would probably be similar to the original body, except the tadpole and tentacles, which would taste and feed you like squid. I can see mind flayers be a gourmet dish, having a variety of flavour depending on which part you eat. And finally, Phaerimms would be absolutely horrendous to eat and probably dry your guts alive even after death. These things are adverse to all life about as much as Undead.

[Fero]

I imagine Ankheg tastes somewhere between crab and mushroom.

[Metastachydium]

As for elf, you would want to prep it like lean meats. I would do as the deer hunter do and make sausage by adding fat from pork.

Did you mean: pork form Orc? At long last, friendship and harmony in death!


As for other meals: if I had a low INT score I'd probably want to sample an Ochre Jelly on the belief it would taste like jelly.

It's yellow, acidic and trying to eat one's flesh. I bet it tastes like pineapple.


terrified Oozes

Also, it's immune to fear. Entirely ethical eating, I tell you!

[atemu1234]

Agree with that. Animal calorie is mostly contained in fat and muscles, of which the oozes don't really have any. They're mostly acidic water with no actual cell in there. In my opinion, outsiders are about as nutritive as eating dirt or water from their home plane. I'd say Prime Material digestive systems would not be able to digest them, but that they would be of about equal nutritional value to an equal mass of regular animal if we could.

Plants would be as ubiquitous as plants in our world, with celery being basically slightly more corporeal air when it comes to eating it, and potatoes being able to feed entire populations with relatively small crops.

Humanoids, giants and monstrous humanoids, animals, magical beasts and vermin are as close as they can be to our anatomy, and would be as nutritious as the closest animal in our world would be.

Undead would be poisonous to eat (obviously), but also actually drain you of your energy as their Negative Energy would cancel your body's Positive Energy. An excellent way to lose weight! Deathless would be the opposite, filling you with quick energy the way sugar does.

Don't eat Constructs, they're generally made of metal and magic. Unless you're an incantifier. And even then, see a dentist afterwards.

Dragons are a fun one. They could be like crocodiles (fishy flavor, birdy texture), and feed you like you were eating an enormous chicken, but I suspect there are some really nutritious parts in there, like eating the draconis fundamentum would probably fill you with more energy than you ever had in your life. That or ignite your guts and kill you on the spot.

Fey creatures are probably nutritionally close to animals, but I suspect that there is something in their anatomy that prevents creatures from the Material Plane from consuming them. Maybe they have an adverse reaction to the iron in one's body, or maybe they're just so volatile that they disperse into dust soon after being killed. I doubt creatures that mysterious can be eaten so easily.

Finally, aberrations, like always, are all over the place. I wouldn't be caught dead eating a gibbering mouther or a skybleeder, as they would probably be poisonous as all hells, but a catoblepas or a rust monster should be safe and provide nutrition similar to a cow or a very big ant (though the rust monster might also be full of undigested rust, so ask your local japanese chef to prepare it like one of their fugus). Beholderkin feel like a whole lot of nothing (porous anatomy means it is approximately as filling as cotton candy) while illithidkin would probably be similar to the original body, except the tadpole and tentacles, which would taste and feed you like squid. I can see mind flayers be a gourmet dish, having a variety of flavour depending on which part you eat. And finally, Phaerimms would be absolutely horrendous to eat and probably dry your guts alive even after death. These things are adverse to all life about as much as Undead.

It's worth noting that the Aberration are one of the few types given as a source for a disease - Blue Guts, from Book of Vile Darkness, if I remember correctly.

[RexDart]

My current character is a butcher by trade, and always on the lookout for creatures that would make good eating.

I'm most curious about what giant bugs (ants, spiders, scorpions, etc.) would be like. Bugs are known IRL as a good source of protein, but small enough you kinda have to either eat the whole thing or grind them up into some sort of paste. But what about a spider the size of a Volkswagen?

[Maat Mons]

Some people say bugs taste like shellfish.

The largest species of scorpion gets to around 2 ounces. That's about 1/8th the minimum size at which a lobster can be harvested. The largest species of spider gets to around 6 ounces. That's actually in line with some crabs.

[atemu1234]

I wonder if you could make a stew out of an Aoa... Hopefully it isn't as toxic as quicksilver.

[Saintheart]

I imagine Azers would taste a bit burnt no matter where on the rare scale your cooking preference was.

[Ramza00]

have not read Dungeon Meshi, but if that was real I would be asking Schmendrick the Sorcerer to try their hand at plot magic

[Metastachydium]

I imagine Azers would taste a bit burnt no matter where on the rare scale your cooking preference was.

Yeah, they are somewhat Burnie even when Hurt (https://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0755.html).

[atemu1234]

Chilled Intellect Devourer, for the Indiana Jones jokes.

[liquidformat]

As for other meals: if I had a low INT score I'd probably want to sample an Ochre Jelly on the belief it would taste like jelly.
I would imagine ochre jelly would have a slight hint of iron flavor to it.

I’d figure oozes would be like jellyfish, laughably poor in nutritional value. If the internet can be trusted, one cup of dried jellyfish contains about 20 Calories, and fresh jellyfish is 95% water, so one cup of fresh jellyfish would contain about 1 Calorie.

I recently got to try jellyfish in SF china town and they used it instead of rice noodles; really had no flavor but absorbs pretty much any flavor you add to it and the consistency reminded me of firmer tendon.

[MaxiDuRaritry]

This is a thing: https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=8a267cd209199d1e&sxsrf=ACQVn0_Gm310snM6G0lHCQeQMode-ex7xQ:1713157055558&q=heroes%27+feast+D%26D&tbm=isch&source=lnms&prmd=ivsnmbtz&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjYvvatt8OFAxU9lokEHZyVAncQ0pQJegQIGhAB&biw=1511&bih=701&dpr=0.9...

[atemu1234]

Do you think Neothelid would taste more like an eel or maybe a snake? I think it would have too much muscle to taste like a worm on its own.

[Lvl 2 Expert]

The minotaur in my avatar was a little afraid but is happy with the direction of this thread. Keep up the good work!

[noce]

In a previous campaign a fellow player kept eating gnome brains. It was my duty, as the LN dwarf with a broomstick up his ass, to stop his abominable life once and for all.

[Metastachydium]

Do you think Neothelid would taste more like an eel or maybe a snake? I think it would have too much muscle to taste like a worm on its own.

I'd think in terms of something more like a mollusk, perhaps an aquatic slug.


The minotaur in my avatar was a little afraid but is happy with the direction of this thread. Keep up the good work!

Well. Seeing how vocal the "cattle is for eating and it tastes good" and "cattle is bad for the air, let's get rid of them all forever" crowds can get… Just make sure you know you're not yet in the clear!


In a previous campaign a fellow player kept eating gnome brains. It was my duty, as the LN dwarf with a broomstick up is ass, to stop his abominable life once and for all.

…
I see how only eating the brain might strike a Lawful sort as rather wasteful, but… What else would you argue one should do about a Gnome, overall?

[Psycho Ban]

Aren't trolls basically infinite hamburger machines?

[Bullet06320]

The minotaur in my avatar was a little afraid but is happy with the direction of this thread. Keep up the good work!

where's the beef?

come to think of it, we did a planar binding of celestial cattle to make cheese with thier milk once

[Vizzerdrix]

Aren't trolls basically infinite hamburger machines?

Welcome to hydra-Burger home of the Hydra Burger. Would you like to try our new troll nuggets?

[atemu1234]

Welcome to hydra-Burger home of the Hydra Burger. Would you like to try our new troll nuggets?

My only complaint is that the Trollburger with Hydranuggets would make more sense.

[AnonJr]

My only complaint is that the Trollburger with Hydranuggets would make more sense.

Yeah... I'm not eating the troll's nuggets.

I do like the idea of an artificer with a collection of mud golems that have gardens on their back. You always know where the fresh basil is - he's standing right there. :smalltongue: