PDA

View Full Version : Dumbest PC decisions.



Danzaver
2007-12-19, 10:32 AM
I promised my players I would post this on a forum, being the dumbest thing they have ever done.

They made a poisonous snake animal companion attack the potion shop owner's cat familiar, apparently because of some notion that he was a spy for the cult of Tharizdun (a notion supported only by their having found cat hairs on a bedroll in a nearby dungeon). o.O

Yay for snap decisions!

Let's just say it ended badly for everyone involved. Don't try to kill the familiar belonging to the mage 4 levels higher than you (would have been only 3 levels higher if he didn't run a shop filled with neutralise poison spells), especially when the only party member who might conceivably have your back runs screaming from the shop as soon as they realise he's not a level 1 commoner...


Please share your group's dumbest decisions here, I would love to hear them.

Leicontis
2007-12-19, 10:38 AM
I've probably told this one before, but it bears repeating. It also requires some setup:

So evil undead army is gradually working on world conquest, etc. etc...

We have the one artifact they really really want, and they know it and are looking for us.

We're headed to a city that was almost deserted last time we went there, months prior.

On the way, we meet a group of skeletons traveling in the opposite direction.

We arrive at the city around dusk, and see only one light on in the entire city. In the inn at the very center of town.

Here's the dumb part: We walked in.

Can you say, "Enormous trap"?

Azerian Kelimon
2007-12-19, 10:46 AM
There's always the legendary "I cast magic missile at the darkness!"

AKA_Bait
2007-12-19, 10:47 AM
Well I've had my PC's walk directly into traps before. One recent one needs a little set up as well:

Basically they ticked off someone with money who hired a bunch of assassians to come get them. They had already been attacked by the assissians twice before this and knew this group had no scruples.

They get a sending from the head assassian. "Look on your doorstep."
On the door step is the finger of one of their NPC friends from the town the live in.
They get another sending "If you want the rest of her, come to the Inn tommorrow at Noon."

So, of course, they go... and walk right in the front door. They don't check for windows. They don't try to pass through the walls. They just walk right in...

ALOR
2007-12-19, 10:47 AM
The party is standing around outside of an impressive double door planning there assult
Party leader: ok Mage 1, you dispel the wards on the door.
mage 1- check
party leader- rouge 1 and 2 go check for any mundane traps and unlock the door, please be as steathy at this as you can be.
Rouge 1 and 2- Copy gold leader
Party leader- Fighter 1, 2 and 3, mage 2 and myself will then follow up and start the attack, remember we want to be as quiet as possible as to not bring the whole fortress down on us
Party- Yes sir, we understand
DM- ok what do you guys do
Fighter 3- I charge the door and bash it down
Mage 1- the door is open, terrific, I walk in and cast fireball
Rouge 1-2 " we charge in"
Party leader " wait guy....... gosh darnit" throws his dice in disgust.

EvilElitest
2007-12-19, 10:49 AM
reposting this one


This is set in a world based after teh Greek city states. the PC are scouts for an orcish invasion
Me- Alright, the massive orcish hoards are coming, as they march towards the cannon.
Fighter- I take off my armor and sneak closer
Me- Ok i suppose
rouge- wait, didn't i just do that
Ranger- I cover him with my bow
Wizard- I watch while bored, but my familer (raven) follows him
Fighter- Alright how close am i to the first group
Me- about 20 yards
Fighter- who are they?
Me- goblin slaves led by an ogre slave driver
Figher- Alright i ready my shield
Me- Ok
Fighter- I put my longsword to the ground and equip the gladuis i found earlier.
Me- i'm beginning to dread this but ok
Fighter- I put my spear in my hand
Me- Ok
Fighter- I put my red cloak on
Me- Your not good at the whole stealth thing are you
Fighter- and i take off all my clothes other than my breeches
Me- WTF?
Wizard-hey that big sword was making up for something, what do you know
Druid-oh gods, my yes
Ranger- stab myself in the eye
Cleric (female)- Grrrrrrr
Rouge- naked warrior. Wait a second

fighter- I will jump in front of them and declare dramtically "you shall not pass, this is Spartia"
Me-WTF? Spartia doesn't even exist in this world, and your boarding racism
Fighter- But i figure that they must have seen the movie, and seeing a naked warrior will effect their moral awfully
Me- How will seeing an naked lone warrior scare them in the least?
Fighter- well if somebody takes off all their cloths and attack an army alone, then they must be crazy or bad ass to the core. so they will ether run away, knowing they are mooks and thus weak against the badass single ninja mode of attack, or they will think i'm crazy and run away to avoid catching what ever it is i have
Me- the words come out but they don't make sense
Fighter- I charge dramaticlly
Me- They raise weapons
Fighter- But they must have seen the movie and know to be afraid
me- Yes they did seen the movie, and they all hated it. You die. I'm sorry, but you broke the game. You just die
fighter- at least i had chicken
Me- They sell your body to a local necrophelic
Fighter- oh................................................ ...............no chicken
Me-nope
from,
EE

psychoticbarber
2007-12-19, 10:52 AM
So, of course, they go... and walk right in the front door. They don't check for windows. They don't try to pass through the walls. They just walk right in...

Of course, sometimes the best way to deal with a trap is to spring it.

How about this, from a vampire the masquerade game...

ST: "The basement has the sickly smell of blood. As you enter, a deep voice speaks from the shadows, 'Who dares to break the sanctity of Gerhardt's tomb?'"

PC1: "I silently fling a stake into the darkness."

ST: "You WHAT?"

PC1: "I attack the vampire. He's only fourth gen, piece of cake."

ST: "Alright then..."

PC2 (to PC1): "You know lower generation means more powerful, right?"

PC1: "Of course I....what?"

PC2: Shakes his head silently, mourning their future deaths.

Cristo Meyers
2007-12-19, 10:57 AM
Of course, sometimes the best way to deal with a trap is to spring it.

How about this, from a vampire the masquerade game...

ST: "The basement has the sickly smell of blood. As you enter, a deep voice speaks from the shadows, 'Who dares to break the sanctity of Gerhardt's tomb?'"

PC1: "I silently fling a stake into the darkness."

ST: "You WHAT?"

PC1: "I attack the vampire. He's only fourth gen, piece of cake."

ST: "Alright then..."

PC2 (to PC1): "You know lower generation means more powerful, right?"

PC1: "Of course I....what?"

PC2: Shakes his head silently, mourning their future deaths.

Pretty much the same thing happened in one of my old games. Three young (ish) vamps stumble upon the resting place of a 4th (maybe 3rd, can't remember) Ravnos.

Ravnos with that kind of power can literally re-write reality with the Ravnos illusion technique...

Mr. Friendly
2007-12-19, 11:03 AM
I will spoiler this, JIC, as it involves the Temple of Elemental Evil

So our DM really played up the Tambrosh dealer in (whatever that town was) selling it both IC and OOC as "Come on man, it's the good stuff" most of the party smoked it, relishing the STR bonus it gave. Then we died after he left town. That sucked, a lot. Moral of the story? Kids, drugs are bad m'kay.

hamlet
2007-12-19, 11:08 AM
Two wizards, hearing rumors of a deserted town two days travel to the northeast decide to go and investigate, alone.

Ok, so you need a little background to make that work eh?

1) We are lost (VERY LOST: we arrived via a magical transporting tower (think stargate but 20 years before the movie) and were promptly run off by a pack of 100+ ghouls and kept running for close to a week in random directions until we happened to stumble accross a relatively safe haven.) in a land overrun by undead. So overrun, in fact, that there are almost no living things in this area at all except for a few things that manage to get out of the way of the hordes of ghouls, zombies, skeletons, wraiths, etc: a few spiders, a song bird or two, that kind of thing.

2) We are safely ensconsed in the safest place in the region. A group of walled villages clustered close together for relative safety while our companions heal up from a rather nasty battle.

3) There are no priests here. AT ALL.

4) Hearing this rumor, the two wizards head out immediately without seeking any help, without notifying anybody of their intent and quietly slip out the back.

We were rather swiftly, and rightfully, eaten by a pack of ghouls while we tried to rest two nights later.

Green Bean
2007-12-19, 11:09 AM
Well, there was this time when our party's sorcerer used Time Stop to stick a Delayed Blast Fireball down someone's throat. In the middle of negotiations. With an enemy general. Surrounded by his entire army. Including his two epic level wizard advisers.

Also, there was this gazebo... :smalltongue:

Danzaver
2007-12-19, 11:13 AM
I will spoiler this, JIC, as it involves the Temple of Elemental Evil

Heeheehee - mine was from exactly the same adventure.

The potions shop owner in question was Spugnoir, (pronounced spoon-wah. Go figure. He was hiding out in the Moathouse, in the room just off the entrance, which amazingly the party never checked! So when he met them in town, he had heard that they had cleared out the moathouse, allowing his escape, and was going to offer them heaps of free potions... until they nearly killed his cat.

Man I love Return to the Temple of Elemental Evil, I know it off by heart almost. I once had PCs try to join the temple... man they got messed up... But that is a story for another time. It is my second favourite book adventure after Dragon Mountain.

Lady Tialait
2007-12-19, 11:19 AM
Let's see, There was this one time the Cleric in the group decided to fight a Master theif in the Theive's guild, He died most horrindasly (level one cleric..level 5 Rouge, with his goonies, plus the Terrain was full of nasty traps and such...)

And there was the time a Warlock 1/Fighter 1 Half Giant rushed into a army of Militarized Orcs got surrounded and killed round 1...

Prophaniti
2007-12-19, 11:43 AM
Our party was clearing out a ruined castle. We were just inside the walls and there were these large odd-looking mushrooms here and there. Someone made a knowledge check and let us all know they were Shrieker Mushrooms. The paladin heard this, assumed that any mushroom that did things on its own was inherently evil, and charged. This of course set them off so we're all standing in a very loud courtyard now... and the paladin cant figure out why the normally bloodthirsty barbarian (me) didnt join in the mushroom-killing.

We tried convincing the DM to have the pieces of Shrieker Mushrooms be halucinagenic but he wouldnt go for that.

SnowballMan
2007-12-19, 11:45 AM
This happend at a Gen Con event.

We were in a dungeon that was specifically created by an evil wizard to put adventurers in as a form of personal amusement. Our group comes to the first door that is blocking our path. The thief of our party vary carefully checked and removed the trap on the door. He then managed to successfully pick the lock on that same door. At no point during all this time did he bother to listen at that door. As soon as it was unlocked he threw it wide open. The monsters in the room got a surprise round to attack us because the players themselves were literally surprised when the guy did that. ("No, wait, don't...)

Meanwhile, there was another table playing another group in the same dungeon that was supposed to be competing with us. In contrast, their thief, after peeking inside one door to find three demon dogs, relocked the door and wrote "Treasure Room" on the outside of the door. Not to say that they were particularly brighter then our group. In order to try and be stealthy they later cast both invisibility and move silently on their whole group. Only afterwards did they realize they had no way to communicate with each other. They were in the process of talking to each other by writing things out on the door in front of them when our group opened that very same door.

Yeah, they got a surprise round on us too.

Ganurath
2007-12-19, 12:46 PM
Cleric: Alright guys, the vampire should be in the next room.
Party: Right.
Cleric: Fighter, you and I will lead the charge. Rogue, you sneak around. Sorc, blasting time.
Fighter: Sure thing.
Rogue: Any plan where I don't get hit.
Sorc: By my fireballs, right Rogue?
Rogue: Yes...
Cleric: Alright guys, let's go!
*Cleric opens door, rushes in. Fighter slams door behind Cleric and bars him in with Vampire that'd be tough for the entire party. Cleric manages to win.*

Prometheus
2007-12-19, 01:08 PM
Druid and Paladin split from the rest of the group for a special quest. They are supposed to rescue the captive who is currently being held in a rival church with limited visitation rights including no weapons.

The plan: Visit the captive, Druid turns into a grizzly and Paladin summons her mount. Scare/Tear the guards, and break through the stained glass window with the captive on horseback and the Druid flying off.

The results: The Druid shifts and the Paladin summons her mount according to plan. Druid-Bear: "I attack the nearest guard." Paladin: "I pull the captive onto my mount and break through the stained glass door *makes Jump check*" DM:"Okay, where are you going to next? You are on an island." Paladin: "Oh right..." It didn't matter anyway because it turned out there was invisible illithids also guarding the captive.

Danzaver
2007-12-19, 01:50 PM
*Cleric opens door, rushes in. Fighter slams door behind Cleric and bars him in with Vampire that'd be tough for the entire party. Cleric manages to win.*

That's gold. I love it. XDDDD

Snadgeros
2007-12-19, 01:52 PM
We're in the final dungeon, very close to the final battle with the BBEG. We've been fighting a lot of low-level undead (A LOT of them) but we've turned them easily enough: with one drawback. For some reason, any time we make a turn attempt here, there's a 50% chance you'll throw up for 1d4 rounds. Not a big deal though. Anyway, my monk/drunken master died (see sig) but fortunately the bard had to leave, so I was filling in for him.

We walk into the next room and there's a big throne in the middle of it, and the whole place is covered in blood and skulls. It's all very gothic, and for good reason. There's some kind of undead here, telling us that it can't let us pass without a fight, or at least taking some of our blood (we think it's a vampire, and we're right). Anyway, no one wants the con damage from a vampire's bite, so we're making diplomacy checks and whatnot.

Meanwhile, the paladin and druid apparently are too impatient and hate making diplomacy checks with evil, so they form their own plan, and don't tell us a damn thing. Just as we're about to propose a compromise with the vampire, they charge, Leeroy Jenkins style.

The paladin rushes in, but can't quite reach the vampire, so instead he stops halfway and makes a turning attempt. He knew damn well that he couldn't turn that many HD, and that it would probably result in him vomiting, but he did it anyway. Why? I have no freaking clue. So he's vomiting for the next 4 rounds.

Druid is wildshaped (he's out of wildshapes for the day, so he can't change back) and he and his little dog too attack the vampire, and deal some decent damage. Then the vampire gets pissed, and bites the druid and dominates the dog. Druid ends up with 3 con damage and lots of bites from his own dog.

Fortunately, we still managed to do enough damage to scare the vampire off, but between Pally McVomitpants and Mr. Con-damaged Druid, we could've done a lot better.

Morty
2007-12-19, 01:57 PM
In my short gaming career, I think the dumbest of the dumb would be when I told ranger and rogue to catch a weasel for me to make myself a familiar. Then they went to steal the meat to use it as a bait instead of buying it, thus getting the whole town after us when they got caught. But throwing burning sacks of crap into the room with five 9+ level barbarians wasn't very smart either.

Chronicled
2007-12-19, 02:10 PM
The party is standing around outside of an impressive double door planning there assult
Party leader: ok Mage 1, you dispel the wards on the door.
mage 1- check
party leader- rouge 1 and 2 go check for any mundane traps and unlock the door, please be as steathy at this as you can be.
Rouge 1 and 2- Copy gold leader
Party leader- Fighter 1, 2 and 3, mage 2 and myself will then follow up and start the attack, remember we want to be as quiet as possible as to not bring the whole fortress down on us
Party- Yes sir, we understand
DM- ok what do you guys do
Fighter 3- I charge the door and bash it down
Mage 1- the door is open, terrific, I walk in and cast fireball
Rouge 1-2 " we charge in"
Party leader " wait guy....... gosh darnit" throws his dice in disgust.

Leeeeeroy Jennnnnnkins!

Craig1f
2007-12-19, 02:34 PM
So, I was still pretty new to DnD, and didn't realize that pretty much any wall in a castle is going to be magically protected against teleportation. I had an eldritch disciple, with Flee the Scene, which is a short range Dim Door.

So, we're in the prison, trying to interrogate this prisoner assassin we helped capture. We didn't want to open the door, just in case he had any tricks up his sleeve. I impulsively say "don't worry guys, I'll handle it". I go invisible, and attempt to Flee the Scene through the door.

The result, is that I was catapulted out of the castle, taking damage for each wall that I had to travel through to get out of the castle. All my non-magical items were destroyed, and my magical items all had to make Fort saves.

I think that was a silly result, since regardless of taking 60 damage, I still made it OUT of the castle from inside the prison (although not from inside a cell). My opinion is that the spell should have just failed, and maybe I take some damage.

Danzaver
2007-12-19, 02:38 PM
Ooo oo - I just remembered another one.

I'm DMing this half-orc fighter, who has wandered off into the forest to try and find himself some food (namely meat). I let him find a badger hole and ask him what he does.

He REACHES INTO THE HOLE to try and pull the badger out. o.O

I'm like... "oh well - i mean. he's third level with a massive constitution - the badger can't possibly kill him".

Are you familiar with the instant kill rule if something rolls a natural 20, followed by another, followed by a hit, and the victim fails a fortitude save...?

Guess what happened.

I was very lenient and let him stagger back to town before he passed out from blood loss.

It has become legendary in my gaming group. Riktig, who was killed by a badger.

badger badger badger badger badger...

Snadgeros
2007-12-19, 02:46 PM
badger badger badger badger badger...

MUSHROOM! MUSHROOM!:smalltongue:

valadil
2007-12-19, 02:53 PM
In my first game my players decided to attack the mafia to help free the ranger's imaginary friend. This is not something that I persuaded or suggested they do. And they did this in all seriousness, thinking it was actually a good idea.

What was going on was that the ranger wanted to be insane. He decided to play a manic depressive. I have issues with insanity in RPGs. Everybody knows the schizophrenic character is schizophrenic when he goes off and talks to nobody. That player knows what's going on. Insanity should be about lacking the ability to distinguish whats in your head from what's real. The player wanted an insane character, so I gave him one.

He had an imaginary friend who he kept in contact with. The players all believed that the imaginary friend was another player who couldn't make it to game session, but I was running on a different day of the week. The idea was that they'd merge up later. In actuality the ranger basically had his own Tyler Durden. They kept in contact by sending letters to each other (or so they thought, actually the character never read the letters, he'd just read up when he woke in his alternate form).

The imaginary friend/alter ego was investigating a local crime syndicate, when that same local crime syndicate attacked the PCs. I wanted to see an encounter where the players couldn't use their equipment, so the mafia guys took what they could while the players slept. A PC woke up and the fight happened. When the players got their gear back they noticed the thieves had all these letters addressed to the imaginary friend. Ergo, they had kidnapped him and he needed rescuing.

SoD
2007-12-19, 02:58 PM
Spoilered as it is the Tomb of Horrors.

Well, this goliath barbarian, after seeing the rogue try putting a sunrod in the demons mouth, you know the one, and seeing it get destroyed...stuck his head in to see what happened to the sunrod. Yeah.

This next bit explains for those who don't know the tomb of horrors, and can put up with one of the traps being spoiled.

Near the begining, there's this stone demon with a huge mouth. Large enough to crawl into, almost. Inside is a sphere of anilalation. Something touches it, it is destroyed. So, after finding out the effects, he stuck his head in.

How (un)intelligent can you get?

MrNexx
2007-12-19, 03:00 PM
When the players got their gear back they noticed the thieves had all these letters addressed to the imaginary friend. Ergo, they had kidnapped him and he needed rescuing.

As much as I want to shout "Manic-depression doesn't work that way", that story was made of win. both for the GM, and for the player who played it straight.

ALOR
2007-12-19, 03:02 PM
In my first game my players decided to attack the mafia to help free the ranger's imaginary friend. This is not something that I persuaded or suggested they do. And they did this in all seriousness, thinking it was actually a good idea.

What was going on was that the ranger wanted to be insane. He decided to play a manic depressive. I have issues with insanity in RPGs. Everybody knows the schizophrenic character is schizophrenic when he goes off and talks to nobody. That player knows what's going on. Insanity should be about lacking the ability to distinguish whats in your head from what's real. The player wanted an insane character, so I gave him one.

He had an imaginary friend who he kept in contact with. The players all believed that the imaginary friend was another player who couldn't make it to game session, but I was running on a different day of the week. The idea was that they'd merge up later. In actuality the ranger basically had his own Tyler Durden. They kept in contact by sending letters to each other (or so they thought, actually the character never read the letters, he'd just read up when he woke in his alternate form).

The imaginary friend/alter ego was investigating a local crime syndicate, when that same local crime syndicate attacked the PCs. I wanted to see an encounter where the players couldn't use their equipment, so the mafia guys took what they could while the players slept. A PC woke up and the fight happened. When the players got their gear back they noticed the thieves had all these letters addressed to the imaginary friend. Ergo, they had kidnapped him and he needed rescuing.

oh this is so awsome, maybe it's just becasue I love "Fight Club" but still awsome.

JackMage666
2007-12-19, 03:11 PM
We were playing in some Homebrewed world, in an evil campaign, and we'd set up camp under a roadway bridge for the night. The Fighter (Myself, an arrogant demon-worshipper), and the Rogue went out to scout the area, as well as collect food. The Barbarian stayed behind and pouted, because that's what he did.

My character, with his arrogance, generally ignores things he views as inferior to him, particularly if they're near incapable of doing damage to him. He straight out ignored guards, goblins, domesticated animals, things like that, and nothing attacked him because they were afraid of him (think about it, the 6'5" guy with claws instead of hands, carrying weapons made out of Celestial creatures is a bit intimidating.)

So, the Barbarian, who wished to one day be me, decides to play the same trick to a creature that walks up on out camp. A cockatrice, in fact.

DM: "What do you do"
Barb: "I just turn away from it"
DM: "OK you... Wait, what?"
Barb: "Yeah, I'm not too worried about it"

Me and the Rogue are just kinda listening in, but can't really say or do anything since we're hundred of feet away and don't see the event in character. We think "Is he serious?"

DM: "OK.. Well... He clucks angrily at you and moves towards you aggressively,you're in his territory. Are you going to do anything?"
Barb: "No, he's not going to do anything to me."
DM: "OK.... He attacks you, and you're flat-footed since you didn't even make an attempt to acknowledge his existence. He hits, take 6 damage..."
Barb: "Hah. That's it?"
DM: "...and make a Fortitude save."
Barb: "Huh? OK... Uh.. 11"
DM: "Congratulations, you're a statue."

When we get back to camp, we one shot the cockatrice, carve "Stupid" on his forehead, and tie him to the back of a mule. We end up dragging him through about 2 towns before we find someone to revive him.

That campaign also featured him being "fixed", after charging into a room and interrupting two elves doing... Well, you know... The best part was that, since it was medieval times and all, they did it just like they would be if they beheaded someone, or took off someones hand for stealing - With an axe. Guess who got selected to be the Amputater? That's right, mister Demon Worshipping fighter.

Storm Bringer
2007-12-19, 03:27 PM
two best examples form my games:

(this one is with a group where half the players were low/mid-teen kids, so some stupidity is expected. party level was about 3rd or 4th):

DM: you enter the room. it appears to be the wizards study. on a really gothic bookstand, quite some distance form the desk and other funiture, thier lies a grimore covered with vile symbols.

group in general: cool.

cameron (pyromaniac of a party wizard): I walk up to the bookstand. Is it his spell book?

DM (camerons father): It could be. are you opening it?

Cameron: yes

adult half of the group: NO!

Cameron: why not?

Me: It'll have an exploisive rune on it. you open the book, it'll blow up in your face.

Cameron: really?

me: yhea

Cameron: well, i open it then

everyone: what?

DM(dropping heavy hints): Cameron, it really likey the book is trapped. Are you sure you wish to open it?

Me: we're all well away form Cameron at this point

Cameron: Yes. i open the book

DM: *sigh* *rolls dice*. okay........you take <number> points of damage as the book explodes

Cameron (writing it down: okay......

Dm:and the bast takes the ceiling down with it, doing andother <number> damage.

Cameron: okay. I'm on.......minus loads.

Me (looks at Cameron's sheet): Cameron, you're dead.

Cameron (in tones of suprise): I'm dead?

Me: yes. the roof fell on you. you are dead,

Cameron: really? (i nod) oh WOW!(in tones of someone who as just done something cool)


thankfully, we ran into a genie later in the dungon and used a wish to raise him (dm swears he didn't add it to the dungon). even more thankfully, Cameron has matured somewhat since then, and his now allowed to play a wizard with AoE spells (before, we switched campgians when we hit 5th level because we knew that Cameron wouldn't consider PC in the blast of a fireball a reason not to.)



The other example, this time with a grown up group who should have known better. level was mid/low teens:

set up: we were after the BBEG, Gulthaias the vampire, who was hiding inside his magic-force-feild-thingy. We had a Plot Cupon to get in, so our plan (such as it was) was to rush up to the entrance to teh place, use the Cupon and take it form thier (we trusted our DM to save us form ourselves. to be fair, he did.)

DM (different one form the last example): okay, so, whos got the key?

Monk (this was our first 3rd ed camp, we didn't know how much monks sucked): i have.

Dm: okay, so, you round the corner to the corridor leading to the sactum. make spot checks, everybody:

*everyone rolls and reports results*

Dm: right, You, you and you *points at 3 of the players* spot that thier is a small hole in the barrier, a few inches wide, about ten feet off the floor, and another, smaller one about waist high.

magic user (DM form previous example. ended up playing a Sorcerer/druid/arcane archer. my cleric became the party blaster): I rush foreword.

party: we follow.

dm: okay......when you get to <range>, a blast of many colours spreads out of the higher of the holes.

thief: what?

(the wizard inside cast a prismatic spray at the party though the sight hole in his wall built for doing just this, most of the party gets hit by one type of energy damage or another, but the monk gets planeshifted)

*after resolving the spells effects*DM: right, so you get to the door. what do you do?

Me:we open it. who has the key?

Monk: i have.

Magic user: and you're on......

Monk (looks at sheet): one of the layers of the Abyss

party: *general oh dear moment*

dm (looking far to cheerful: Oh, while you're discussing this, a reddish gem drops out of the upper hole.

Magic user (realising what it is: I run away?

Me (not knowing) wuh?

thief (explaining: Delayed Blast Fireball

Me: GAH! I run too.

thief: so do I.

Dm right, you don't clear the blast in time, so make saves

(resloves damage)

Dm: okay, you make it round the corner. what do you do?



In the end, we scryed for the Plot cupon to find the monk, plane shifted over to grab her (using a magic carpet to travel the hundred mile distance), pickes her up and planeshifted back. took about a week game-time to get back to the dungeon. thankfully we'd cleaed out the rest of the place, and on our secoind attempt got in and killed the bugger. still, was worth it just for the Oh S*** moment.

ColdBrew
2007-12-19, 03:30 PM
Let's see....

Once, we were walking down a dirt road toward a small town, when we saw a group of guards on horseback chasing someone toward us. One of our group threw up a rope wall between them and their target for no reason. We didn't know anything about them, he just thought he was Batman. Naturally we were surrounded and manacled by angry guards with spears. A different PC starts mouthing off and giving sarcastic answers to their questions, prompting this epic exchange:

Guard: So you think you're a funny guy, huh?
PC: No, but I think I'm a fast guy!

The PC then takes off running into a field, hands still manacled. He pulls up tufts of grass as he goes and starts stuffing them into his clothing "to make a disguise." His escape attempt ends when he is run down and stabbed by one of the spear-wielding riders. At least we all got a new favorite line.

Then there's the time we killed our dying party member by dragging him across broken stone and glass in a ruined temple. Or the time we made him walk into a room of absolute darkness, and when he emerged horribly mangled and missing an arm, we decided to see what effect a certain potion would have. The potion in question: a mixture of minotaur dung, vampire ash, and water made by a warforged PC with no understanding of magic or biology.

Good times...

SpikeFightwicky
2007-12-19, 04:09 PM
WARNING: Debacle of an adventure below.


The party was tracking down a vampire after forcing him to retreat to his lair. They eventually got to an old rundown temple of a forgotten god. They go through the temple and fight their way to what was once a beautiful garden behind the temple. They get ambushed by rotting vegetation. Adjacent to the garden is an old gravesite surrounded by a high wall, and all clues pointed to this graveyard being host to the vampire in question. The party buffs up and enters the graveyard. A couple of large undead mastiffs leap over the wall and immediately attack (rolled randomly to see where they came from). The PCs roll VERY low for initiative and the monsters go first. The first one attacks an adjacent PC (fighter/tank/Dwarf) and crits, gnawing off a huge chunk of flesh for 32 damage. The PC in question states that he's dead... I though he was joking, but he said he was taken to -28 damage. We all asked why the heck he didn't ask for healing and said he didn't think it was important. The remaining PCs finished off the monsters.

After searching the graveyard, they find a false stone coffin that has no bottom (seems to open up into a large-ish underground chamber) in one of the crypts. One of the PCs (swashbuckler/rogue) decides that that must be where the vampire is, and states that he heroicly jumps down. After falling 20 feet and landing prone (failed his tumble and jump check and didn't have any jump ranks). He asks for a description of the chamber, and I ask what kind of light source he has. Looking a little surprised, he tells me he has none. I tell him that he hears shuffling feet and low moaning noises coming from around him, and kindly ask him to roll initiative. He rolls a one and gets ambushed by 2 slightly advanced mummies. After taking heavy damage, he tells the sorceror to lob a fireball into the chamber asap, and that his evasion will negate any damage he takes, and delays his action. The sorceror casts fireball into the chamber. One of the mummies fails and is killed outright, but the other succeeds and is still functional. The PC, on the other hand, rolls a 2 and fails miserably, and is brought down to -15 HP. The spirit shaman drops a torch into the chamber and the sorceror kills the remaining mummy with some scorching ray action.

Now clear, the PCs carefully descend into the chamber, and find it empty. After spending 2 hours worth of search attempts, they find a large crack in the masonry of one of the walls that seems to be quite deep. They decide to take some of the swashbuckler's weapons and start digging away at the crack. After a few hours, they get a hole that they can crawl through, and get to the vampire's coffin. The sorceror entered the chamber first and set off a poison gas trap, which both PCs failed, and the mage dropped dead after failing a fort save and taking 4 points of con damage (the PC was already wounded from the graveyard fight and never received any healing). The spirit shaman opens the coffin after the gas clears and finally stakes the vampire, finishing it off.

The player of the spirit shaman decided to retire the character when he got back to town and created a new PC with rest of the group to pick up where they died off. The old PC became one of their NPC contacts.

Admiral Squish
2007-12-19, 04:26 PM
Oh, gods, I got one.

DM: So, once you picked up the sword, there's nothing in the chamber but a spider in the corner.
Me (1st level fighter): A monstrous spider?
DM: No, a normal spider.
Me: I examine it.
DM: What?
Me: Yeah, I examine it. Could be a familiar or animal messenger or something.
DM: There's nothing weird about the spider.
Me: You sure?
DM: YES.
Me: fine.

Later, after many rooms of similar search checks:

DM: You killed the skeleton. The room is mostly dark, and a spider sits in the corner.
Me: I examine the spider.
DM: Know what? Fine. Lolth gets pissed at you, and a drider teleports in behind you. Roll initiative.

I ended up winning. :smallbiggrin:

Leicontis
2007-12-19, 07:06 PM
Ah, the classic "The DM described it, so it must be important!" fallacy...

Craig1f
2007-12-20, 10:32 AM
Ah, the classic "The DM described it, so it must be important!" fallacy...

It's only a fallacy if the DM is any good.

its_all_ogre
2007-12-20, 11:05 AM
in an underground room:
you force open the heavy stone sarcophagus, after pulling the heavy stone statue off of it. inside is a dead body, somewhat larger than human size about 7 foot tall maybe.
make spot checks.
ranger passes due to favoured enemy undead.
'you spot a dark chunk of something sticking through it's ribs'
i pull it out.

bugbear rogue vampire returns to unlife and changes into a bat flies into corner of room....briefly

Triaxx
2007-12-20, 01:21 PM
Let's see... Homebrew World. Homebrew Barbarian Variant. Five thousand feet in the air.

The NPC of the moment is busy explaining that the large magical crystals keep the airship in motion and in the sky. The barbarian's varian requires that every fifth round, or every few minutes, roll a d20 to remain sane. As the NPC is finishing up telling us that the crystals keep us alive, the player decides to roll his die.

In mid-sentence, I hear this: 'Crap. Seven.' Barbarian goes completely insane. Blows clear through the mage, the cleric, and the NPC, and proceeds to hit the crystal matrix, which makes them continue working. He then rolls the d20 three times: Natural Twenty. Natural Twenty. Fifteen.

So that's attack, critical confirmation, and insanity damage multiplier. I consult my charts. Damage is not only astronomical, but the matrix fails a save. He blows through the matrix, out the bottom of the airship, and plummets to his death. Or so it seems.

The airship meanwhile, dives fatally downwards. Mage is dead, Cleric is dead. Fighter tries to jump out of the ship and land in the trees. He get's caught in the rigging. The rogue, decides to try for a reflex save. To do so, he needs a natural twenty. Two thousand feet to go, and the calculation on the Barbarian comes back. He's survived the fall at -9 HP. He also managed to stabilize himself. Fighter breaks free of the rigging at a thousand feet. Hits the Barbarian and over comes the damage resistance for exactly one point. Barbarian dies, but breaks the fighter's fall. The fighter stands up, celebrates for exactly twelve seconds, which is the time it takes the falling airship to catch up.

On the upside, the Rogue got his twenty. Needless to say we houseruled that class out.

Deepblue706
2007-12-20, 01:39 PM
This was a session in which I DM'd, and the party was in-fighting, but everyone was actually enjoying it...so I went along. This part follows a scene where an assassin and a wizard were fighting on the battlements of a small keep.

DM: (to assassin) Okay, so (wizard)'s enervation spell knocks you down 3 levels. That means you've now got attack penalties - his other debuffs have brought down your fighting ability, significantly, as well.

Assassin: That's dumb. Wizards are cheap.

Wizard: Guy, you have like two whole levels over me.

Assassin: Well, why did you volunteer to begin at level 1 when we were at level 5?

Wizard: Shut up. You've lost. Just give up. I won't kill you.

Assassin: (to DM) So, I basically have no chance of hitting with any weapons, right?

DM: Well, you do have some big minuses. What do you do?

Assassin: I..."pick his lock".

DM: What? Was that an innuendo?

Assassin: Um...no, I uh..."Use Magic Device" on him.

DM: What the hell are you talking about? What magic device?

Assassin: Well, if I can't do anything with these crappy skills, what's the point of having them?

DM: ...

Assassin: Okay, fine. I just wanna push him off the ledge.

Wizard: Um...

DM: Okay, roll.

...(he succeeds)

DM: You succeed in your bull rush attempt. You knock (wizard) off the battlements. (Wizard), you take X damage.

Wizard: Crap! That was a lot! I'm unconscious.

Assassin: Yes! Now to finish him...

DM: You don't have your bow on you.

Assassin: Like I need it.

Wizard: Uhh?

Assassin: I leap from the battlements, at his body, to deliver the coup de grace!

timbuck_hunter
2007-12-20, 02:28 PM
In a Waterdeep campaign, the party all decided to rob a nobleman's house. At first level. Everyone ran at first sight of the guards except the wizard who tanked.

Douglas
2007-12-20, 03:24 PM
This is more funny than dumb, I think, but this is the most appropriate current thread to put it in.

The party rogue has been polymorphed (permanantly, with all abilities) into a wyrmling silver dragon. We have found a clan of silver dragons and were given a set of quests to complete so he could join the clan. One of them is to find a golden feather.

<long sequence of the party tracking down a behemoth eagle who had awarded us with a solid gold (scaled for him too, so 300 pounds) feather before, talking him into giving us another quest suitable for such a reward, and carrying that out>

We return to the old silver dragon and present the gold feather along with the other items we were told to get. Silver dragon: "I was expecting you to just get a feather from one of the golden finches around these parts"... :smallamused: