CompositeSanta
2007-12-25, 03:07 PM
Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christma-CRUSH KILL DESTROY! I mean err... enjoy this classic Christmas tale, rewritten for all you hopeless lonely D&D playing nerds as a Christmas present. Because you probably aren't getting presents from anyone else. Without furthe- EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! Here it is!
T'was The Night Before Christmas, D&D Style
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the inn
Not a PC was stirring, or even stabbin'.
The HHH were hung by the chimeny with care,
in hopes that St. Nicholas brings them some gear.
The munchkins were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Prc's danced in their heads;
And Redgar in his full plate, and I in my robe,
had decided to rest my temporal lobe.
When out on the street there arose such a clatter,
I made a spot check to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Expeditious retreat was the spell that I cast.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
gave shadowy illumination to objects below,
When what to my Arcane sight I had seen,
but a phantom steed spell, Caster Level 18.
With a little old Caster, so twinked out and sick,
"Psh, Batman Wizards" I muttered quite quick.
And as if his first spell weren't enough
He gestured and shouted and called out his buffs.
"Now Cat's Grace! Spider Climb! Invisibility!
On mind blank! Reduce Person! On resist energy!"
Then came to my mind thoughts which hadn't yet.
"He's a CR 18! The XP I would get!"
I decided to shoot first, and ask questions later.
I burst through the door with Dispel Magic, Greater.
I caught him flatfooted, and his buffs all did drop.
But he won the init, and cast Maximized Time stop.
And instead of the wizard, all jolly and merry,
I faced 3 delayed blast fireballs, which looked just like cherries.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
soon gave me to know I was as good as dead.
I made not a move, for my legs wouldn't work.
He looked at me straight and said, "Hold Person, Jerk."
And as I burned up in a huge fireball,
to negative four my hit points did fall.
He recasted his spell, gave his steed a whistle,
and he flew fast away like a red magic missile.
But I heard him exclaim, as I lost some more life,
"You munchkining bastards, go swallow a knife!"
Ho-ho-ho and there you have it! Well everyone, I'm off to my factory to MAKE DELICIOUS CAKE.
Disclaimer: D&D and all mentioned materials are open source property of WoTC, 'Twas the Night Before Christmas was used without permission but in order to sue me they will have to agree who wrote it in the first place, see wikipedia for more information on that.
I am aware that D&D players are not all lonely fat nerds and that it encompasses a large variety of people who play it, all of whom I love a big huggy bunch.
T'was The Night Before Christmas, D&D Style
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the inn
Not a PC was stirring, or even stabbin'.
The HHH were hung by the chimeny with care,
in hopes that St. Nicholas brings them some gear.
The munchkins were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Prc's danced in their heads;
And Redgar in his full plate, and I in my robe,
had decided to rest my temporal lobe.
When out on the street there arose such a clatter,
I made a spot check to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Expeditious retreat was the spell that I cast.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
gave shadowy illumination to objects below,
When what to my Arcane sight I had seen,
but a phantom steed spell, Caster Level 18.
With a little old Caster, so twinked out and sick,
"Psh, Batman Wizards" I muttered quite quick.
And as if his first spell weren't enough
He gestured and shouted and called out his buffs.
"Now Cat's Grace! Spider Climb! Invisibility!
On mind blank! Reduce Person! On resist energy!"
Then came to my mind thoughts which hadn't yet.
"He's a CR 18! The XP I would get!"
I decided to shoot first, and ask questions later.
I burst through the door with Dispel Magic, Greater.
I caught him flatfooted, and his buffs all did drop.
But he won the init, and cast Maximized Time stop.
And instead of the wizard, all jolly and merry,
I faced 3 delayed blast fireballs, which looked just like cherries.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
soon gave me to know I was as good as dead.
I made not a move, for my legs wouldn't work.
He looked at me straight and said, "Hold Person, Jerk."
And as I burned up in a huge fireball,
to negative four my hit points did fall.
He recasted his spell, gave his steed a whistle,
and he flew fast away like a red magic missile.
But I heard him exclaim, as I lost some more life,
"You munchkining bastards, go swallow a knife!"
Ho-ho-ho and there you have it! Well everyone, I'm off to my factory to MAKE DELICIOUS CAKE.
Disclaimer: D&D and all mentioned materials are open source property of WoTC, 'Twas the Night Before Christmas was used without permission but in order to sue me they will have to agree who wrote it in the first place, see wikipedia for more information on that.
I am aware that D&D players are not all lonely fat nerds and that it encompasses a large variety of people who play it, all of whom I love a big huggy bunch.