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Conners
2007-12-29, 09:45 AM
This thread is for posting interesting or funny things which have happened in DnD games you played or DMed.

Examples (hidden in case these things have actually happened to you, so as not to spoil it): Perhaps a player attacked the darkness--accidentally killing the main villain of the campaign who was following them while invisible. Or maybe you defeated the level 16 High Drow Priestess of Lolth-- when you're a wizard with no high level spells left --by casting a light spell on her eyes.

Well, good luck :smallbiggrin:. If you need me, I'll be starting some more humorous threads.

A.Sondergaard
2007-12-29, 10:13 AM
The look on my player's face when his Supreme Power Attack Leap Attacking Heedless Charging Frenzied Berserker only did 26 damage on the BBEG's lackey was priceless.

The other 400-some points were ignored, due to Elusive Target. Then, due to him having taken a penalty to his AC equal to his BAB, he proceeded to take 9 solid unarmed strikes, which pretty much killed him.
I'll teach my players to use ridiculously stupid builds.

Abjurer
2007-12-29, 10:25 AM
So I build this trap, which I'm quite fond of. It's a five-foot-wide corridor, with a stone doorway at each end. When the party enters, thick adamantine doors fall down into the doorways, sealing them in, and the floor drops out. Since this was a high-level campaign, I had an antimagic field trigger when the trap springs, too.

The party comes upon a narrow corridor. The party druid is sad, because his bear cannot fit through the opening. So he casts reduce animal on his animal companion. He tucks his now teddy-sized grizzly bear beneath his arm and follows the rest of the party inside. The doors close. The floor drops out. The bear resumes its normal size. :smalltongue:

The bear is now wedged in the corridor, forty some feet above the rest of the party, which has fallen into the dungeon complex below. A few goblins with class levels show up to hack at the PCs, and the PCs slaughter them. The PCs celebrate, and the bear pops out of the ceiling and lands on one of them.

...I guess you had to be there...

Conners
2007-12-29, 10:46 AM
Heheh, that'll show him :smallbiggrin:.

....... LOL!!! That one really had me laughing :smallbiggrin:!
Tell me: Did, it kill the PC?

mockingbyrd7
2007-12-29, 02:42 PM
In the group's second or third session, we were investigating a chain of kidnappings (campaign: The Shackled City - please no spoilers) and were in a gnome locksmith's home/shop. Apparently, creatures have been coming from below his shop and entering into the city, and he was forced to give them the keys. Around this time, my ranger makes a brilliant spot check and notices that under a cauldron in the center of the room, two beady yellow eyes are watching us. I exclaim at the top of my lungs, "BEADY EYES UNDER THE CAULDRON!!" The DM chuckles and says, "Well, you didn't specifically say "out of character", so the eyes vanish. A moment later, dozens of creatures come bursting out of the secret doorway under the cauldron. Roll initiative." We were all laughing so hard that we couldn't roll. "Beady eyes under the cauldron" has been an inside joke ever since.

I have lots of other stories, I'll be back later. :smalltongue:

Lady Tialait
2007-12-29, 03:05 PM
well I run a campaign that started at level 1 and is now in epics (level 37 epic enough?) They started by fighting the cult of Vecna...now they are against Vecna himself.

What made everyone unable to continue the game was when good old' Mordy came upto the party with a warning "You cannot Kill a God!" the palidan leaned forward and in total seriousness said "Yes....but we're learning" we cracked up...now anytime someone says 'You cannot' we say 'we're learning' ....even when we watch LoTR...Gandolf 'You Shall Not Pass"..."Yes...but he's learning"....I still giggle when I think about it...

Suzuro
2007-12-29, 04:31 PM
A campaign I am in is only like...level three, and our druid tried to use create water in an evil guy's throat...the conversation went something like this

Druid: "I create water in his throat!"
DM: "You can't do that!"
Druid: "The spell doesn't say I cant"
DM: "....RIGHT THERE! FIRST LINE! Ya know what? Magical backlash, you're drowning."
Druid: "*Gurglegurgle*"




-Suzuro

Zenos
2007-12-29, 04:41 PM
So I build this trap, which I'm quite fond of. It's a five-foot-wide corridor, with a stone doorway at each end. When the party enters, thick adamantine doors fall down into the doorways, sealing them in, and the floor drops out. Since this was a high-level campaign, I had an antimagic field trigger when the trap springs, too.

The party comes upon a narrow corridor. The party druid is sad, because his bear cannot fit through the opening. So he casts reduce animal on his animal companion. He tucks his now teddy-sized grizzly bear beneath his arm and follows the rest of the party inside. The doors close. The floor drops out. The bear resumes its normal size. :smalltongue:

The bear is now wedged in the corridor, forty some feet above the rest of the party, which has fallen into the dungeon complex below. A few goblins with class levels show up to hack at the PCs, and the PCs slaughter them. The PCs celebrate, and the bear pops out of the ceiling and lands on one of them.

...I guess you had to be there...

I just got a new villain concept. Eight-year old lvl 20 druid girl walking around with her animal companion dire bear disguised as a teddy bear.
Then, when the PC's come...
The cute little teddy bears turns into one ton of rage.

I don't have any very hilarious moments, but I remember when my bard made an illusion of summoning eight fiendish trolls. Those ogres ran fast.

Durendal
2007-12-29, 10:32 PM
In one of the campaigns I'm in now my druid, the rest of the party, and a summoned thoqqua collapsed a column and part of the ceiling of the dungeon we were in on top of a enlarged, mutated owlbear. It went something like this:

Said owlbear shows up and comes charging at us through a broken doorway. The party (my dwarf druid and fire elemental companion, a dwarf ranger, an elf duskblade , and a human cleric; all about level 6 at this time) are currently caring an injured hound archon along the wall of the main corridor of this dungeon. I end up first in the order and try to move away from the action, to which my DM responds that I can't move that way becuase there's a column in the way. This is where I get the idea to drop the column that I just noticed onto the owlbear that is conviently planted smack dab between two columns.

I take my turn and stone shape a wedge out of the bottom of the column (like if you've ever cut down a large tree). The duskblade hits the owlbear with a quick cast and channeled ray of enfeeblement and ray of exhaustion. The ranger tries to drag the wounded hound archon out of the way, but draws an AoO. Then the owlbear goes and does this weird thing that hits as all with a blast of force that knocks everyone but me backwards (thank you dwarven stability) and then moves forward. Now the owlbear isn't as well situated so the cleric summons a celestial bison (couldn't summon anything bigger due to room restrictions) and has it bull rush without provoking (thanks to the ranger) the strength drained owlbear back between the columns. My turn rolls around again and I summon a thoqqua (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/thoqqua.htm) in the top of the column and command it to shoot out away from the owlbear. Effictively I created a thoqqua missile that created enouh force to blow the column into the owlbear, squashing it neatly.

We laughed so long after that becuase it was so hairbrained and it just barely worked.

Yami
2007-12-29, 11:02 PM
DM: You see four horsemen atop the next hill, most likely enemy scouts.
Barbarian: I rage and charge towards them
Mage 1: I Make an illusion of a red dragon in front of us, mouth open.
Mage 2: Fireball through it's mouth.

Dm: Nice, two survive and run like hades back the way they came, nice job.
Barb: Umm, raged. I follow.
Party: Might as well, we follow.
DM: right... well you crest the hill and see the rest of the army quickly striking camp in the distance...
Mage 2: crap, I run.
Party: agreed!
Barb: Raged!
Mage 1: well looks like you roll up a new character.
Mage 2: Wait, I got this. Magic missle the Barbarian.

DM: Okay then, while raging you're hit from behind by your supposed allies. They are in fact much closer than the army.
Barb: hmmm, well I suppose I would turn around and go after them instead.
Mage 1 & 2: wait.... MOUNT!

A few rounds later
Party: How the blazes did you get that kind of run speed.
Barb: *grin*

Conners
2007-12-30, 08:51 AM
DM: You see four horsemen atop the next hill, most likely enemy scouts.
Barbarian: I rage and charge towards them
Mage 1: I Make an illusion of a red dragon in front of us, mouth open.
Mage 2: Fireball through it's mouth.

Dm: Nice, two survive and run like hades back the way they came, nice job.
Barb: Umm, raged. I follow.
Party: Might as well, we follow.
DM: right... well you crest the hill and see the rest of the army quickly striking camp in the distance...
Mage 2: crap, I run.
Party: agreed!
Barb: Raged!
Mage 1: well looks like you roll up a new character.
Mage 2: Wait, I got this. Magic missle the Barbarian.

DM: Okay then, while raging you're hit from behind by your supposed allies. They are in fact much closer than the army.
Barb: hmmm, well I suppose I would turn around and go after them instead.
Mage 1 & 2: wait.... MOUNT!

A few rounds later
Party: How the blazes did you get that kind of run speed.
Barb: *grin* Lol! So, the Barbarian caught up with a mounted party :smallbiggrin:? How much damage did he do to you?

Vael Nir
2007-12-30, 09:17 AM
Lol! So, the Barbarian caught up with a mounted party :smallbiggrin:? How much damage did he do to you?

I'm assuming all of it.

Emperor Demonking
2007-12-30, 09:21 AM
Stuff

I don't think rage works that way.

Captain van der Decken
2007-12-30, 09:32 AM
It can if it wants to.

Zenos
2007-12-30, 09:40 AM
Good roleplaying. Well, maybe not good roleplaying. But it was FUNNY roleplaying.

UserClone
2007-12-30, 09:42 AM
Only if he PrC'ed into Frenzied Berserker.

Brauron
2007-12-30, 03:15 PM
This is the story of...the Spoon of Doom.

The party ends up in a tavern named "The Greasy Spoon."

Inside, on the bar, is a bowl of silver pieces, and we ask the bartender/innkeeper about it. He explains that there is a running bet in the establishment. He has been using the same spoon to cook with, every night, for more then 10 years. It has never been cleaned. For a SP, an individual could lick the spoon. If they remained standing, they got the money that people had put in over the years.

Naturally, my Barbarian tries. Fails. Tries again as soon as he regains consciousness. Fails again. Tries again as soon as he regains consciousness. Fails. Is prevented from trying again that night by the innkeeper, who doesn't want anybody dying on his property. The next night, I try again. Fail. Try again. NATURAL 20 on my Fort save, and I remain standing. The innkeeper is in awe, saying that nobody has ever one in all the years he's had the contest going.

I go to pick up the bowl of SP, and the innkeeper says, "Hold on a minute" and pulls two buckets of coins out from behind the bar. All total, it worked out to about 10 GP, 1,600 SP and 20 CP.

FlyMolo
2007-12-30, 03:56 PM
How does he cook with it without poisoning the whole bar? If one lick knocks you out, how does he manage to cook with it? (what does he cook all the time? vodka and tranquilizer pancakes?)

Arbitrarity
2007-12-30, 04:01 PM
Why have 1702 people licked a spoon, and none had a natural 20?

Odds on that are so low that calc.exe is using e-38, which is... low :smallwink:

ForzaFiori
2007-12-30, 04:09 PM
This is the story of...the Spoon of Doom.

The party ends up in a tavern named "The Greasy Spoon."

Inside, on the bar, is a bowl of silver pieces, and we ask the bartender/innkeeper about it. He explains that there is a running bet in the establishment. He has been using the same spoon to cook with, every night, for more then 10 years. It has never been cleaned. For a SP, an individual could lick the spoon. If they remained standing, they got the money that people had put in over the years.

Naturally, my Barbarian tries. Fails. Tries again as soon as he regains consciousness. Fails again. Tries again as soon as he regains consciousness. Fails. Is prevented from trying again that night by the innkeeper, who doesn't want anybody dying on his property. The next night, I try again. Fail. Try again. NATURAL 20 on my Fort save, and I remain standing. The innkeeper is in awe, saying that nobody has ever one in all the years he's had the contest going.

I go to pick up the bowl of SP, and the innkeeper says, "Hold on a minute" and pulls two buckets of coins out from behind the bar. All total, it worked out to about 10 GP, 1,600 SP and 20 CP.

hm...i hate to break it to your DM, but the heat from cooking with it would most likely kill off any bacteria on the spoon, effectively cleaning it (much like sterilizing a blade by passing it through fire)

Yami
2007-12-31, 12:55 AM
I don't think rage works that way.

It does. Break open your copy of the AD&D players hadnbook (I think that's where it was) and check on it. A raging barbarian will not end combat until all threats are eliminated or out of sight for some many rounds. Not wanting him to be killed the wizard had magic missled him so as to count as a threat and get the player away from the army. Only then did he realize the true ramifications of his actions.

And if I remeber correctly only the fleeing wizard was mounted the rest were on foot and scared to death that they'd be slaughtered. Fourtunately the blood wanted wasn't thiers. Sadly the barbarian could only run as fast as the wizard's mount. Still it had been only been four hours since the party had left the forest and wandered into the plains. so we had the wizard fleeing for his life on a magical steed while an untiring killing machine chased him down. And then the hunt through the woods as the barbarian kept spotting his prey who was trying very hard to lose him.

Ah, good times. In the end they all survived though every one was pretty edgy for the rest of the night until they met up the next morning. Save the Barbarian, I think he dropped due to exhaustion.

tyckspoon
2007-12-31, 01:01 AM
Well, you didn't mention you weren't playing 3.5, now did you? (Pretty sure the Barbarian wasn't in the AD&D PHB; that sounds like one of the assorted kits or alternate base classes, and the PHB didn't have very many of those.) Modern barbarians are allowed to stop raging whenever the heck they want, unless they've taken other classes that have more extreme rages like Frenzied Berserker.

Kaelik
2007-12-31, 01:32 AM
Well, you didn't mention you weren't playing 3.5, now did you? (Pretty sure the Barbarian wasn't in the AD&D PHB; that sounds like one of the assorted kits or alternate base classes, and the PHB didn't have very many of those.) Modern barbarians are allowed to stop raging whenever the heck they want, unless they've taken other classes that have more extreme rages like Frenzied Berserker.

In addition, 3.5 Barbarians are never going to rage for more then 30 rounds outside of some crazy builds.

dragoncmd
2007-12-31, 01:56 AM
This is from my second session of D&D (2nd edition too). We had 16 party members, 3 of which were rogues. (The party was levels 1-3)

Being the only half intelligent rogue(not sure if the others were more or less intelligent than me) I decided to scout ahead of the party. The DM gave me a 3 round head start and was not reducing my speed due to stealth. Naturally I stumbled upon the troll batalian before the rest of the party did (I don't remeber the exact numbers), that was being lead by a very nasty three headed monster of the same race. I decided that I wanted to see how sneak attacking actually worked, so after the party shut up and gave me my turn (16 people mind you, thats about 10 minutes right there) I followed behind the group and backstabbed the last trol in the line right as they met the party. The DM seeing how unbelievably stupid I was. Just said "gain two levels" Later I realized that he seriously did not expect me to survive the next round. I then high tailed it out of there, and ended up finding the treasure room while the rest of the party was still in the middle of the fight.

The same DM later put us in a worm tunnel. when we found the worm our wizard cast a fireball. unfortunately our DM subscribed to the belief that fireballs should expand to their full size no matter the size of the tunnel...

End result?

Wurm: Lightly signed
Party: Almost all dead

drunkmonk
2007-12-31, 03:15 AM
A long time ago we played a game where my brother changed a existing encounter with a ogre mage. It involved a character that was going to reward each character with a magic item for a side quest, when we got back an ogre mage had replaced the guy.

He gave us each a cursed magic item. Included a (not kidding) belt of Fem/masc. We (the players) figured out what was happing about half way through, but we wanted to keep going just to see what each of the other guys were going to get.

Good times.

DM

Xefas
2007-12-31, 05:16 AM
Mind, the following story occurs in 2nd edition, where everyone could do anything so long as the DM made some ad hoc ruling about it. I'm glad those days are over, but situations like this did occur, which made the experiences with the system worthwhile.

The PCs are being chased by a gang of corrupt policemen working for the local organized crime syndicate (thieves' guild?). After ascertaining that they couldn't fight them all at once, they began fleeing through the city streets. A few checks dodging through crowds later, they ask where they are exactly. I tell them that they're around the location of their first encounter with the mafia in the city, not completely remembering where that was. Immediately one shouts "Wait...wasn't there a brothel near there?!"

Minutes later, they were on the second floor, using the doorway into a whore's bedroom as a choke-point to fight the policemen one at a time. After routing them, the general round of "I loot the corpses!" shot up. I exclaimed something like "What do you honestly expect to find in HERE?". They said they didn't know, but were looting everything they could get their hands on before hightailing it out of the city.

Long story short, a few alleyways over, they were trapped on all sides by guardsmen, who then disarmed them all. A crowd gathered, and the Captain of the Guard stepping in to kill them personally, in front of everyone, as a public relations move. With little else to do, the rogue yells "WAIT! The underwear we looted! I run up behind the captain and shove a pair of panties onto his head!"

With a dawning of comprehension, the fighter joins in with "I draw the hooker bra and attack with it! NATURAL TWENTY!"

The bra strap got the captain right in the eyes, blinding him permanently, and then he was subsequently strangled to death with a corset.

Best public execution ever.

kentma57
2007-12-31, 10:05 AM
I'm not sure how funny this is to other people but, this happened to our 5th level party...

I was playing in a Oriental adverntures campaign and there where six of us to start, well after some huge evil army begain a masive rampage we came across the former capital of a recently conquered country. So at this point all the people controlling our melee characters have to leave (so we losse our melee fighters) but our three casters press on; we walk into the city kill after killing some soldiers we hide in a building to get more spells. When we wake up we basicaly walk right into the general who captured this city, a 16th level shadow crafter(melee/caster combo) and we actualy manage to kill him and his two bodyguards(this was ment to be an encounter we avoid). The rest on the army runs is terror from us, and we now have our own city(something that helped us greatly in founding the ZAFT empire).

Zocelot
2007-12-31, 11:20 PM
Raging level 1 Brb with 18 COn (22 health total) being killed in the first round of the first battle in the campaign

"Is there a squirrel around? I want to try something"

expirement10K14
2007-12-31, 11:40 PM
So we were playing Expedition to Castle Ravenloft, and the paladin got depravity (taint from HoH), and he was crazed. We walk into a cave and are suprised by a bugbear, and the only way for him was back out of the cave. The only problem was that 10ft from where he ran from, outside of the cave, was a 100ft cliff. He rolled a natural one on his balance check, which he had to make because he was fleeing hysterically so he would have a hard time making a sharp turn, and fell off the cliff.
We now refer to his character as Sir Falls A Lot.

Koolzo
2008-01-09, 08:56 PM
We have so many hilarious moments, but a lot of them you had to have been there for... But, let's try anyway, shall we?

Okay, so the party was about Level 10, with only 3 people, I believe. They walked onto some stones with mystical markings on them that they had previously visited at about level 5 or 6. All of a sudden, because of some lunar event (hey, gotta' use it sometime), the party is trapped as walls suddenly spring up, closing them inside the confines of the stones, and a dimensional portal appears.

Out steps the BBEG, who happens to be a Blackguard 10/Paladin 1/Fighter 4, with a +4 wounding halberd, a massive AC, shock trooper, and combat brute, and that other feat from Complete Warrior that allows you an extra attack with a halberd (Spinning Halberd, isn't it?).

So, this was supposed to be a huge, epic battle. First round of combat, and the BBEG (named Alhandra, btw, which is an interesting story in and of itself) goes first, somehow. Shock trooper for all of the armor class that she could muster, and charged at the spellcaster. She needed just about anything other than a one to hit her. What happened? A one. Not only that, but since we play with the fumble variant, she failed her DC 10 Dex check, so she missed her next turn.

The party starts killing her (no surprise there). However, she's still doing okay. So she does combat brute for the triple damage and attacks one of the melee PCs that are attacking her.

A one. Again.

And then she failed her Dex check. Again.

The party took her down in four rounds, and suffered not a single wound. Alhandra was only able to act twice.

Oh, the party laughed so hard! I laughed too (while secretly plotting their demise with a stronger, better BBEG for revenge...).

Ugh. Stupid blackguards.

BloodyAngel
2008-01-09, 10:37 PM
I think most of these stories are funniest to the players who have been there, and less funny if retold... but I'll try my hand at a few.

A friend of mine is playing a gnome rogue, and decides to get back at the party's barbarian for a few too many jokes about his height.

Thus, the gnome plants a few dozen bounty posters all over town saying. "Wanted: Elven Ears. 100 Gold per pair. See (barbarian's name) at the red boar inn for payment."

The result? On our second day in town, an elf with a bandaged head bursts into the barbarian's room, along with 4 of his friends. Points at him... shouts "YOU!", and they beat the hell out of him. The poor bastard had no idea why.


One player of mine was running a female character who was in disguise as a boy... because her homeland did not allow females to become knights. The character was beautifuly roleplayed... and despite dropping many a hint about her true gender, none of the players picked up on it. Though they did mercilessly tease "Justin" for being slightly effeminate. The worst instance of dropped hints that they missed was an encounter with a band of three Satyrs in the woods... who proceeded to charm and carry off all of the females in the group (A ranger and a warmage), but not the knight (Knights have oddly good will saves).

When the knight and the men of the party go off to get them back, the party bard tried to negotiate with them... But their common was horrible. The satyrs sniff around a bit... look everyone over, and offer to trade the ranger (who was both tomboyish and lacking in charisma) for the knight. This prompted a bevy of jokes about the knight's sexual preferences... and STILL no one caught on that he was a she! It took literal MONTHS of game time before they did, and that was only because a rogue was trying to blackmail her and she came clean to the group before he could. Justin and the Satyrs still makes us chuckle.

KillianHawkeye
2008-01-09, 10:42 PM
So, this was supposed to be a huge, epic battle. First round of combat, and the BBEG (named Alhandra, btw, which is an interesting story in and of itself) goes first, somehow. Shock trooper for all of the armor class that she could muster, and charged at the spellcaster. She needed just about anything other than a one to hit her. What happened? A one. Not only that, but since we play with the fumble variant, she failed her DC 10 Dex check, so she missed her next turn.

The party starts killing her (no surprise there). However, she's still doing okay. So she does combat brute for the triple damage and attacks one of the melee PCs that are attacking her.

A one. Again.

And then she failed her Dex check. Again.

The party took her down in four rounds, and suffered not a single wound. Alhandra was only able to act twice.

This is what DM screens are for. Random chance should never be allowed to ruin your plans of having a dramatic or climactic encounter.

Last weekend one of my players (a Tibbit Swashbuckler) had been blinded and fatigued by an enemy sorceror and seperated from the rest of the party. The sorceror's pet minotaur was moving in for the kill when it rolled a 1 on it's attack roll. Then on my player's turn she managed a successful Tumble (despite heavy penalties) out of the minotaur's reach and was subsequently dragged to safety by her riding dog mount. The minotaur was pissed. :smallwink:

Panda-s1
2008-01-09, 11:06 PM
I play in a group with one too many people. One of the characters we had earlier on was Smeesh (sp?), a half-orc barbarian with an Int of 7, and always talked in third-person ("Sounds good for Smeesh!"), and his player roleplayed his stupidity like no one's business. Anyway early on in the campaign (around level 3) we ran into a half-dragon going down a road. Now a half-dragon should be really hard to kill, even for a party of eight people, and this was meant to be a challenging encounter. Smeesh rages and manages to crit and kill the half-dragon in three rounds. We all feel a sense of relief, but the guy playing the barbarian decides to keep raging and runs 150 ft. down the road.

Nothing. Runs another 150 ft.

Nothing. Runs another 150 ft.

Nothing. Runs another 150 ft.

Finally the DM gives in and says "Alright, you run into a brown bear. You get a surprise round because it doesn't know what the **** is going on." He swung with his greataxe and missed, badly. So regular round begins and he hits the bear for near minimal damage. Then the bear makes his full round attack, crits twice, and kills the barbarian, taking him to -12 HP. We finally get there and being the ranger I try to Handle Animal the bear back into the woods, but it's no use we had to kill the bear.

In the next session we started right where we left off and the barbarian gets resurrected by a black dragon (long story) and runs off into the woods, mainly 'cause his player wasn't there. The DM used the tainted resurrection table in HoH and later on he wakes up in the forest alone and his clothes are bloodstained. He acquired a taste for raw flesh. He finally caught up to the rest of our party who were resting in two Leomund's Tiny Huts that create food at will.

Smeesh decides that he wants roasted halfling.

The DM decrees that he's gone from Chaotic Neutral to Chaotic Evil, but everyone in his hut was sleeping and he got away with it. Unfortunately he went to the other hut the next morning and, being the lovable idiot he is, decides he wants roasted halfling again in front of the party's CN halfling rogue. As a last resort, Smeesh decided he wanted to eat a sweet battle axe, and one appeared in his hands. It was made of chocolate. Smeesh fell in battle pretty quickly, but I'll never forget him and his manner of referring to himself in third person. He was the comic relief of that game, but his player decided to not be in the campaign anymore, and now the game kinda sucks. Oh well.

Gawain
2008-01-10, 12:25 AM
We were going through Tomb of Horrors, and I don't know if this was actually part of the module or improvisation on the DM's part, so possible minor spoiler warning here.

Anyway, we come across a door with no visible handle but surrounded by buttons on all three edges. The gnome thief/illusionist walks up, gives it a professional once over and decides:
Gnome: "I'll stand in front of the door and push a button on the left and right side at the same time."
DM: "WHAM!! The door slams in and downwards, crushing you beneath it!" (rolls some damage).

We were all laughing pretty hard at the image of that, then I gave my best Yosemite Sam impression with a muffled "Close it! Close it! Close it up again!!". That pretty much did us all in for about ten minutes.

Baxbart
2008-01-10, 04:35 AM
- 13th Level Cleric killed by a bear (A normal one, mind you... not even a giant bear... or a dire bear!)

- The literal translation of camels as 'ships of the desert' (Masts, rigging, cannons and all...) - Very surreal

- Being attacked in the middle of the desert by a migrating 'Damn Crab'. I think it was supposed to be a random encounter because the DM was bored, but the female elf Rogue just walked up and waved cheerily, giving a 'hello'. The monstrous crab turned out to be an intelligent monstrous crab, and somehow the elf managed to seduce him so that he wouldn't kill the party (4 level 3s... but we're sub-optimal... and don't really stick to the rules). Needless to say, my cleric had to pray for spells with his fingers in his ears that night... :smalleek:

- Rolling high enough on a bluff to convince a nomad that we were selling cookies for charity (in the middle of the desert). Said cookies turned out to be whatever we had lying around - namely baked camel droppings.

- Electing the INT 6 Half Orc Fighter as leader of the party. Spending 6 months in town trying to organise a party, and eventually getting into a drunken fight with himself (He was seeing double and looked in a mirror, then proceeded to argue with himself - in character), and critted himself... with a dire flail. He died a hero (of sorts).


We never get anything done with my group... but damn is it fun.

Hawriel
2008-01-10, 06:02 AM
My party opens the door to the room with the big evil. A vampire lizard king. The bard in the party finaly snaps after trudging through a half sunken fort in a swamp full of troglodites and lizardmen with undead. He shouts "There is a fish on the alter, come and get it frog boy!!!". then charges, the rest of the party fallows him. At the end of the round all but my thief and one other party member are alive. The Lizard king casted cloudkill on his action. I made a paire of boots from his hide.

Jaymar the lawful good cleric of Tyr was traveling along the road with his party when they where aproched by bandits. The usual banter of give me your gold with the reply of no cominced. It ended with Jaymar worning the bandit to leave or els he and his companions will hut them. The banded leader replied with "what friends?". Jaymar to his dismay looked hehind him and not a soal was to be found. The rest of the party quickly hid apon seeing the bandits. They never told poor Jaymar what was going on.

The party is clearing out a dungion fighting orcs, wizards and what not. After a hard fight out side of a door to a large room the party finaly gets to see whats on the other side. The bard Jack the Dashing with the party hathered around the door to meat what ever threat may be on the other side opens the door. He sees a wizard in the final jestures of casting a spell aiming right for the door. Jack slams the door shut just in time for it to be blasted by a lightening bolt. Some of the party takes damage from the exploding door and from the lightening. Jack still with his hand on the doorknob chucks the knob at the wizard. He rolls a crit hitting him in the forhead. Jack and the fighter then rush the wizard killing him. Jack picks up the doorknob and keeps it as a trophy. He then proseads to chucks it at the next wizard we encounter again rolling a crit. The doorknob has been in the party ever sence and has rolled a crit on many a spell caster. Real crits no fudging.

Fuzzy_Juan
2008-01-10, 06:02 AM
Bopo...the demented Kender played by one of my buddies...always good for a huge laugh. We were in a 2nd ed campaign...so some rules were a bit looser...namely, the spell wish...the only limits were what the DM allowed...not as defined by rules.

Well, as a 'joke'...one of the players who found a ring of wishing (with 3 wishes...I think) gave it to Bopo...Bopo was astounded and very pleased...and then promptly forgot about it. We all waited for the first time Bopo messed up and said the magic words...'I wish'.

Next game session, Bopo was marveling at some dragons after a long discussion about pets and cows...I don't know why...there was also a spellfire user in our group...Bopo started on a long and lengthy discussion about all this and then said the magic words...

'You know what would be the best pet in the whole world...' In a single long sentance that ran on forever...and I mean 5 minutes of straight talking without a noticable pause by the player...he detailed a fusion of all the types of dragons in the world, infused with the power of spellfire (cause it is so pretty), and all wrapped up in a single creature but it's a cow (yes...with the mind of a cow too)..."...I wish I had one of those."

We were all dumbfounded by the long elaborate discussion that we nearly didn't realize what had happened...then the dm got a funny look..."what did you just say?"..."I said I wished I...oh crap..."

Well...that gave birth to the first prismatic cow, or Dracmoo...'Domu'.

His second wish came when a new party member asked about Domu, he told of how he was talking to us about what would be really neat and Domu just appeared, how he must be a gift from 'insert god here'. And then he started to go into detail about Domu's life, and all manner of things...and once again said the magic words...this time he was talking about how he would like Domu to have a companion so that he wouldn't be lonely and could et married and have little dracmoo's of his own...well...here came a female Dracmoo...(our later games in the same world was inhabited by a small number of Dracmoos...the most innately powerful creatures in the game...and they have the brains of cows...

The last wish wasn't so spectacular, but made me the most annoyed at him and caused some good laughs...we had all forgotten that he still had acharge on that ring. Well, his Kender was getting really annoying...so I was trying to enforce a bit of restraint...then came the magic words...

"I wish you wouldn't be mean to me anymore!"

Bopo's player suddenly covered his mouth and said oh crap...I'm sorry. The rest of us all got wide eyed and everyone stared at me...while I stared at the DM hoping that Bopo was out of wishes...nope...that was his last wish. Everyone started laughing their asses off...

Well...it could have been interpreted many ways, but the DM was the final arbiter...he ruled that I had now the equivalent of a magical compulsion that I could not be mean to Bopo in any way...but I had to follow Bopo's code of behaviour when dictating what 'mean' would be since his intent was what bound me. Needless to say, if a kender doesn't have free reign over your belongings, they find it a bit mean...and they don't like anyone telling them to not do things...or be yelled at or lecured...or strangled....my character would have left in disgust to get away from it all, but then came the perfect words..."you're my best friend...please don't go...It would be mean to just leave me now that we're such good friends."

There might have been ways to twist my way out, but th eDM was amused enough by the whole affair that I pretty much became attached to the Kender...Too bad starngling or posoning him would have been mean...:smallfurious:

Superglucose
2008-07-28, 01:46 AM
Today one of our characters SERIOUSLY overbid on a quest item in an auction because he didn't want to go on an adventure hook the dm was giving us. Unfortunately, we didn't have 15,000 platinum, and were facing execution for his actions. So the gm decided to bail us out by having us run the challenge of champions thing and putting a wager on ourselves. Well on one of them our ranger rolls like a 2 on his balance check and falls into the acid, and on another we just phail with a capital ph, putting us in second place.

So afterwards my wizard walks up to the other team we tied with for second place (who split the pot with us), and challenge them to a duel for the rest of the money. He takes off his gauntlet and slaps their leader across the face, and says "I challenge you to a duel!"

Well, his gauntlet is enchanted to bullrush anything it hits, so my GM rolls a save, and it comes up a 1. "He flys back five feet and lands on his ass, looking rahter surprised."

The table couldn't stop laughing.

Needless to say, we won the duel handily and now are NOT going to face execution.

Stormageddon
2008-07-28, 03:20 PM
I was playing a Halfling Rogue/Sorceress. The party was investigating a dungeon where a group of Drow and Humans were working together to open a gateway to the demon plain. The female wizard in the group cast charm on the leader of the humans, and was pretending to be a cousin of the noble family that was behind the operation, and I was the her advisor. So the poor soul ends up leading us through the dungeon to where some Drow clerics are translating ancient demonic texts. I offer to help translate. So the female wizard leaves me there goes off and kills the human leader while I am stuck with a bunch of grumpy drow who weren't really buying the cover story. So I try to read some of the text that the Drow are going through. ancient demon language, Not a language I had. Try to read script. Natural 1. So my charter is sitting there badly failing his buff checks pretending like he knows what's going on, when the high priest ask what it is that I am read.

I have my charter look her dead in the eye and say:

"It's a grocery list!"

and that when the fun began.

Dairun Cates
2008-07-28, 03:45 PM
Oh lord. Seeing as I'm a GM, I don't know where to begin. My players have probably killed more braincells than drinking, headbanging, and surfing the internet could ever possibly kill combined.

Do I tell you about the Kata maneuver? A fighting style invented by one of my players where you self-inflict falling damage to do massive damage to your opponent from the pure force of your weight going into the attack. A fighting style that my players have constantly honed and perfected into a viable and not-stupid strategy. A fighting style that has Crit WAY MORE than it should.

Do I tell you about how players have legitimately pulled off bluff checks for a boss to hurt himself or even just flat-out give up?

Do I tell you about the fact that the word "You" can't be used in one of my campaigns without causing a massive interruption that lasts a couple of minutes?

Do I tell you about how one of the few times I got to play, I played the single most unlucky AND lucky character in the history of any role-playing game ever?

How about the time we gimped a CR 11 encounter with a thermal detonator and a cleaning droid?

How about the time I learned to regret letting my players play as the reoccurring villains for one session?

Lord... The list goes on. I'll think of some of the better ones and expand on them later.

Skjaldbakka
2008-07-28, 03:51 PM
I'm assuming all of it.

I approve of this message. *applause*

Totally Guy
2008-07-28, 04:07 PM
At the beginning of our last campaign our gnome sorceror wanted to buy a magic item at level 1. Our DM invented an item called the cat dog dice. 2d6 one that barks that meows when rolled. This item just hung about in our inventory for about 5 months...

When we were crossing the desert the DM said that there is a chance to enounter a dragon here but that won't happen unless I roll above 97 on these D%. And it rolled a 99. So a big blue Dragon showed up.

The paladin wanted to fight it outright. We wanted to negotiate with it pretending to be evil. We had a drow beguiler as understudy party face.

This led to the paladin attacking the party where I, Obon the cleric of Kord, restrained him. The dragon picked up the paladin and we succeeded in convincing him to give us a ride. But the Dragon was going to take us the the Dragon Oasis first. To meet his children.

We debated about what to do for ages and the DM was starting to threaten us with "you've been riding the dragon for an hour now he's nearly there". So I said, Why don't we put the cat dog dice in its ears?

And with that we prompted a crash landing and flight spells allowed us to catch the paladin. Then we beat it up while it was stuck in the sand.

EndlessWrath
2008-07-28, 04:18 PM
So We tried out 4e... and wouldn't ya know it...my brother wanted to DM a little adventure... little my @$$...

our group consists of Myself (Eladrin wizard 10) a dwaven Warlord 10, a Changeling Rogue 10 thing... and an Eladrin Ranger 10.

We end up getting into a room...which is all magical. a bunch of portals...which lead to other pathways and such... you look over the edge or your path and there's nothing down there. We tried it out...it ends up being a "once you hit the bottom, you go to the top and start falling again"... Well we get into this huge fight with some CR 27 Maug... whats worse is the idea that there is about 100 other small creatures there too.

I arcane portal between two portals... disabling the ability to get next to us. my buddies attempt to attack the monster... which effectively has a 32 ac and DR 1000000000... thats an exaggeration..but its damn close.

The Maug Charges (it has flight casted on it too -_-) and knocks the Ranger and the Rogue through the original portal...and our Warchief jumps off the path.

our Dwarven warchief starts gaining speed... lots and lots of speed.... Ties his hammer to a 100 ft rope....

upon reaching maximum velocity he hurls the hammer and kills everything at lightning speed. The DM's jaw drops...

I come back in. cast feather fall and another Arcane Portal. We take the reward for killing the boss and live on our lives.
-----------
same DM a few years earlier... My first "adventure".... i put this in quotes because we didn't get through the second room...

I receive magical arrows... which are actually cursed arrows... called "refracting arrows"... I have an 80% chance of hitting something...trick is.. i got a 60% chance it would be myself or an ally... i couldn't dump the arrows either...another wonderful part of the curse. We ended up (first level characters) fighting a 2 Skeletons, 1 dog, 2 orcs, and a dragon. at the end of the first round.. our fighter was down (I shot him)... our cleric was dieing... and i was left fighting two skeletons who had DR 5 piercing... i was a Halfling Rogue...with a rapier.
--------------
If those two weren't funny enough... I was running a game.. and the Major City of Boccub was about to be destroyed (by the players). They were in a room.. and the ground was a big "disc"... they could jump off the edge into nothingness... but when they did..the world flopped and they were on the opposite side. Our player who played the Half-Orc Barbarian just went to the bathroom..so i was playing him (as DM). Our bard decided to bluff him into throwing the bard off the edge (rope attached) to see what would happen. He did, world flopped. now the 237lbs barbarian was being held up by our 40 or 50 lbs gnome bard. If this wasn't enough.. the bard was convinced he had to do it again...diplomacy/bluff... this happened like 3 times before the player came back... "WTF you Do with my Guy n00B!?!?!?"

guess ya had to be there

The Extinguisher
2008-07-28, 04:24 PM
We were raiding a Gnoll cave, and we cleared out the first floor. We were looking around when we noticed a stairwell heading down. Naturally, we assumed something bad would be down there. However, we were all pretty hurt, so we needed to find a place to hold down the fort. But we really didn't want to be attacked while resting.

So we dropped a bag of poison caltrops on the top of the stairs.
Needless to say, we were treated to very amusing dialogue as we set up an mini camp and ambush.

We cleared most of them out with the caltrops and took the rest out as they rounded the corner.

Good times.

TheCountAlucard
2008-07-28, 05:21 PM
In the very first session of my evil campaign, I seemed to be utterly unable to get "bugbear" and "owlbear" straight. I kept getting the two mixed up when I referenced one or the other.

Also, in a game that happened to a friend, the players were searching a room for magic items, and encountered a talking potato. It kept insulting the fighter, until he couldn't take it anymore and pulped it against the wall.

Jade_Tarem
2008-07-28, 05:22 PM
One of the funniest moments in a recent game occured when the party unanimously elected one of the player's cohorts party leader. He was a wizard who spent most of the late game casting magic jar to possess the party's frenzied berserker/bear warrior barbarian and casting a sequence of powerful self-only buffs before wading into combat, along with using the barbarian's cloak of the bat. This abomination of magic actually had forms that could be triggered at the same time, meaning that the barbarian could turn into a "bearbat" basically at will. The ensuing creature created when the wizard got involved was, we calculated, a "Giant Dire Fiendish StoneShadowBearBatemental." Somewhere along the line, it obtained access to supreme cleave and a strength score that exceeded that of most gods.

The party battlecry after discovering this combo was to walk serenely out before approaching armies and shout "Everyone please remain calm! This is a field test of supreme cleave!"

Despite what it may sound like, other party members had crowning moments of awesome as well, and it was a rare day when one character stole the spotlight.

Chronicled
2008-07-28, 05:30 PM
"Everyone please remain calm! This is a field test of supreme cleave!"

That's so sigged.

Waspinator
2008-07-29, 12:48 AM
"You can't kill me! I'm too marketable to die!"

nobodylovesyou4
2008-07-29, 01:50 AM
Also, in a game that happened to a friend, the players were searching a room for magic items, and encountered a talking potato. It kept insulting the fighter, until he couldn't take it anymore and pulped it against the wall.

I lol'd. HARD.

A rather recent one, we were playing a LoTR game set about 100 years after return of the king. my character was Billy Goodbody, halfling rogue. we started out in a stable somewhere in gondor, buying horses. being a halfling, i manage to steal 4 horseshoes (just because i felt like it).
so we go south to harod (sp?) to look for some ancient artifact thingy. we're attempting to get ourselves into a caravan, so theyll take us to see some traders who we think have the artifact. no one is really making any ground in diplomacy, so i decide to kill sometime. the conversation went thusly:

Me: Im BOOORRREEDDD.
DM: Okay, what do you do in the meantime?
Me: Hmm... *looks at inventory* Hey, I have horseshoes! Do they know how to play horseshoes?
DM: They've never even seen a horse, let alone their footwear.
Me: Well, I teach them to play horseshoes, then!
DM: Make a charisma check.
Me: I ROLLED A TWENTY!
DM: Alright, they love this game. A lot. They ask you what it's called.
Me: ....Billy. It's called Billy.

In the end, I became a celebrity amongst the Harodrin and managed to get us into the caravan. I ended up selling the horseshoes for 200g.

Shademan
2008-07-29, 04:39 AM
So i DM'ed a small game fer some friends, they we're stuck in a cave filled with goblins and their hp was too low so they had to get out. but there was alot of goblins in the way. so the rogue(with a mithral chain shirt) with the most hp says "im gonna make them chase me, and when they do the rest of you get out."
so he runs towards the goblins and yell the cliched "you cant catch me you buggers!" and the goblins all stare at him. with wide eyes and open mouths, their faces filled with dread. "whats wrong? why dont they follow me?"
DM: "chain shirt covers your chest and stomach. you did not take ANY of the free starting clothes, nor did you buy any. YOU, my good friend... is PANTLESS!" several goblins want mentally scarred that day and they fled in panic.
the elf was much later arrested by H.P.D (hobgoblin police department) for streaking.

banjo1985
2008-07-29, 04:44 AM
I once had a monk with a sling in a one shot adventure our group played in between campaigns. We came across some halfling slaves in the kitchens of an orc keep, fixing up porridge for the orcs. So on a whim, I asked for the halflings to throw some hot peppers into the mix, and used the piping hot mixture as sling ammunition. :smallbiggrin:

I still remember the GM's face when his BBEG got an eye full of hot spicy porridge...he went down to the groups Fighter before he even had chance to clean the stuff out his eyes. :smalltongue:

Epinephrine
2008-07-29, 08:19 AM
"I don't think rage works that way."

Well, just because you CAN stop a rage if you want to doesn't mean that you will. I could use tabasco sauce on all my paper cuts, but I'd really rather not.

I played similarly recently; the party was slaughtering the enemy, the last two throw down their weapons and surrender, everyone else stands down. Raging guy just kills the first one yelling, "cowards deserve death" and starts toward the other one, still raging. Party calms him down, so he doesn't end up killing the other (mostly because of a low damage roll on his first attack, then good diplomacy by the party).

I figure it probably feels good to be in that rage - you wouldn't want to drop out of it suddenly, and going from raging and wanting to kill your enemies to accepting surrender from a guy who put an arrow in your shoulder 4 seconds ago in <6 seconds? Not what I picture.

JupiterPaladin
2008-07-29, 08:34 AM
One of my players was a Cleric of Ralishaz (randomness) in an AD&D 2e game. He had a Wand of Wonder, a Wild Magic zone, and a black dragon to fight. As the black dragon prepares to melt the party with his acid breath, Mr. Random drops a charge off the wand and chucks the percentiles. I don't remember the exact results, but by the end, the dragon ended up losing all of his teeth and spewing acid across his nerve endings! It was pretty funny to have a dragon rolling in pain, still managing to crush a party member to death on accident. Same campaign, we had a Thief that was the classic "steal everything that's not Sovereign Glued down" type who would not learn a lesson. He ended up with 3 cursed swords (-2 version, yikes). Each time a threat popped up all 3 tried to arm themselves, forcing him to make sleight of hand skill rolls to juggle them while he fought at major negatives, or the swords would stab him themselves! That guy also had a +5 WIPE on his character sheet by the end of that campaign because he didn't know how to spell whip. :smalleek:

brant167
2008-07-29, 08:47 AM
Two games ago the party of basically scoundrels heard about a big political gathering between the north and west leaders to deal with a sea orc invasion. We figured where there are nobles there are money and boons. So we began to hatch a plan to have our party be on one of the scouting ships. Our druid asked our illusionist "why on earth would they allow us who they don't know and have barely heard of to lead one of the main scout ships." Our illusionist looked directly into the druids eyes and with much vigor in his voice said, "Because we're expendable!" The game stopped for 5 mins b/c we couldn't stop laughing.

Yvanehtnioj
2008-07-29, 09:50 AM
High-level evil campaign. (Player-killing allowed.) One of my players ruled a coastal town with a natural harbor. The opposition sent a Dragon Turtle to attack his town. Their plan was to 'godzilla' his town. When it reached the rocky border of the harbor and begin to climb over it, the player told me:

<Me>: Ok the turtle has reached the border of your harbor and is beginning to climb over the natural rocky wall.
<Player>: I goo its brain.
<Me>: Okay, roll for init--wha?
<Player>: I goo its brain.
<Me>: O_o

The player was a wizard who had made use of a wizard spell (Psychic Surgery) that allows the caster to possibly give a person Psionic capabilities. He and his elite guard became psions. No other player employed psionics.

He focused his psionic attack on the turtles mind (not hard) and attacked it (very effective). This virtually left the beast's body intact save for its brains gushing out of its eyes and nose. His townsfolk then proceeded to harvest the shell for shields and armored surfaces, the meat for a turtle soup feast.




I ended up using calculus to determine the amount of material he got.

spamoo
2008-07-29, 10:24 AM
Somehow, we found ourselves transported to the realm of Lolth (we were lvl 9) and face to face with the Godess herself (not an avatar, the actual Godess). When we realized this, myself and our fighter ran like h*** back to the portal. However, our rogue decided to take a shot at her with a crossbow. His roll: Natural Twenty. He rolled another natural twenty to the confirm crit roll. According to our rules, a nat 20 on a confirm crit roll allows you to make a confirm insti-kill roll. The roll: 14 (adjacent to 20 on a d20). So far, the epicness and the hilarity of this have not been matched.

Zeebiedeebie
2008-07-29, 11:43 AM
The boss monster for one of the dungeon crawls that I was running around 11th level (and was supposed to level the PCs up) was a beholder.

initiative order:
Barbarian
Bard
Wizard
Beholder(:smallfrown:)
The barbarian runs up to the beholder, but forgets to change weapons from his longbow to his two small size greataxes(one flaming/frost and one shock). He starts to change weapons, when the beholder uses one of its eye rays to throw him back against the wall.

The bard runs behind the beholder while invisible, then stabs the beholder with his shock rapier so that he will dismiss his invisibility and give the barbarian a flank next round.

The wizard casts disintegrate on the beholder, which rolls a nat 1 on its save.

The wizard rolls all 22d6, and gets 93 (I think).

The beholder had 99 hp to begin with! :eek:

Burley
2008-07-29, 11:46 AM
Um...This thread is giving off an overpowering aura of Necromancy...

nobodylovesyou4
2008-07-29, 11:47 AM
Um...This thread is giving off an overpowering aura of Necromancy...

my thoughts exactly - if you were to cast detect magic on it, its necromantic powers would knock you unconscious.

TigerHunter
2008-07-29, 11:52 AM
*casts Thor's Lightning on the zombie thread*

*casts Raise Dead*

Carry on.

Decoy Lockbox
2008-07-29, 11:58 AM
So for this anecdote, here were the players
Me -- Hans Blixen the human rogue
Gabe -- Brotten the human bard
John -- don't remember what he was playing
Chris -- DM

The party had just emerged loot-laden but wounded from raiding a Yuan-ti temple. We had stolen gold, jewels, weapons and most importantly for this story, copious amounts of very potent poison (like 3d6 CON damage poison).

We traveled through the woods to get back to our home base, Goldfield. En route, we were intercepted by a group of ogre soldiers. It seems that the local ogre warlord is forcibly conscripting travelers to join his army, and as the ogres sauntered over to us, we assumed we would be given the same treatment. But of course, we had other plans. Did you know that the material component to casting Tasha's Hideous Laughter is a "small tart"? Well, we put those tarts to good use this day.

<The scene begins with the head of the ogre soldiers sauntering up to us>

Ogre: Warchief want speak to you. You "fordibly conripted" he say.

Hans: *sighs angrily, speaks to ogres* Look you guys, we don't have time for this. We are on our way to a little girl's birthday party with these cakes, and if we don't get there on time, she is going to cry. Do you really want that? *rolls bluff check...massive success*

Ogre: Cake for little girl? We come with you to party, then you come with us to see Warchief.

Hans: *shaking head slowly* No, you guys don't get it. She lives atop a mountain, and you have to fly to get there. *rolls bluff check...another success*

Ogre: Fly? How you guys fly there?

Hans: How do we do it? Fairy dust of course. Everyone knows that.

Ogre: You give us fairy dust, then we go with you.

Hans: Okay, this sounds like a plan. The one problem is that you have to take fairy dust in food, like medicine you know? *bluff check*

Ogre: Oh yeah, me know.

Hans: I've got it! We've got more cakes than we actually need for the party. We always like to carry more cakes than necessary, just in case. We'll put the fairy dust in the cakes, and you guys can eat them. Then, you'll be able to fly. *bluff check success*

Ogre: Sound good. You put dust in cakes.

<The party huddles up, and praises the gods for the gullibility of ogres. After a little discussion, we decide to poison the ogres. But since ogres have a lot of CON and high fort saves, we are going to need to use a lot of poison. So we put 3 or 4 doses of this very lethal poison in each cake.>

Hans: All right, here are the cakes, two for each of you. Eat up gentlemen, then we will be off to the party!

<The ogres eat their first cake, while we wait for the poison to kick in. Chris (DM) rolls the fort saves, and from the look on his face, a lot of saves were getting failed>

Ogre: Me feel funny...what happen?

Hans: Thats just a partial...fairy dust effect. It means its only working partially, so you need to eat the second cake too. *bluff success*

Ogre: Okay, makes sense.

Two minutes later, we had six very dead ogres lying on the ground. We high-fived in game, and then headed on our merry way, laughing all along the roadside.

wadledo
2008-07-29, 12:57 PM
Combination of Warlock, The Dead Walk Invocation, Bag of Holding filled with chickens, Bottle of Air/Water and occasional bags of chicken feed thrown in there, Fell Flight Invocation, Destructive Retribution Feat from LM, Some Demon Armor we stole from a dead Blackguard, and the bard singing Iron Man on a wind swept hilltop overlooking the town we were supposed to capture.

Result:
I (the warlock) got shot out of the sky eventually by a giant crossbow bolt (from a storm giant), but not before convincing the neutral town that if this was the enemy (and my party thought that Beguiling Influence was a stupid Invocation choice) then they had best get to the side of good.
Now.
Before the freak who throws exploding zombie chickens down from the heavens while accompanied by his own theme music decides that he won't just laugh manically and demand sugared beets.

Burley
2008-07-29, 01:17 PM
*casts Thor's Lightning on the zombie thread*

*casts Raise Dead*

Carry on.

No...seriously. Thread Necromancy is a big No-No. If you want to talk about funny D&D stuff, you're supposed to make a new thread, like the rest of us have to.

Kool-Aid
2008-07-29, 02:51 PM
Back when I first started playing I made a human fighter, the DM led the party to a house which we believed was the home of a leader of the band of thieves who had been attacking the nearby town. I figure, I'm the party fighter, the door is locked and/or barracaded since he was probably alerted of our coming, so I kicked the door in.

The DM: As your foot collides with the door it shatters into a shower of splinters, the man inside the home looks at you puzzled curious as to why you have just kicked in his door, considering it was not locked or obstructed in any way (I followed the instructions wrong, went east instead of west). We then left without a word, I like to imagine it from the farmer's perspective.

Then there was the time when we were visiting the king and the guards were checking us for weapons, they confiscate the rest of the parties weapons and then the guards search my sorcerer (after taking my staff) and they find no less than 50 daggers hidden in my coat (the same coat you see my avatar wearing). The guards ask why I carry so many daggers, it's so I have one in case I lose my staff and the first 49.

shadow_archmagi
2008-07-29, 03:24 PM
I skipped the first two pages. I presume it isn't too late to post this?

http://www.geocities.com/whoisceres2/dndquotes.html

aarondirebear
2008-07-29, 07:57 PM
No...seriously. Thread Necromancy is a big No-No. If you want to talk about funny D&D stuff, you're supposed to make a new thread, like the rest of us have to.

{Scrubbed}

On Topic:

Situation: Horny elf rogue archer (Firion), half gold dragon fighter (Cray) are trying to parlay with a drow high priestess (harcona). The negotiations broke down pretty fast. The human fighter (ocerra) and Harcona's brother (nostokar) were staring each other down ready to fight already.

Harcona: You try my patience!
Cray: Well, YOU try MINE!
Harcona: If you weren't half Draconic I'd have you flayed!
Firion: If you weren't the mortal incarnation of everything we high elves hate, I'd ask you to bear my children

Needless to say, she was pissed and we all were killed.
But ironically she got her ass kicked by the BBEG and had to rez us (except poor cray because the player moved). Eventually Ocerra bedded the high priestess and ended up being her knight for a while. When Firion discovered this his reaction was "Great Ehlonna! do you have ANY idea what went in there BEFORE you?"

Duos Greanleef
2008-07-29, 08:42 PM
Well, there was the time Neo the Stapler (human Paladin of a sacred order devoted to Heironeous) was pitted against a copy of himself created by a psionic red Dracos Invicti. Around these parts, if you roll a natural 1 in an attack, there's a negative effect. Neo decided to throw his +3 longsword across the arena several times... After about the third throw, Heironeous finally realized that his devout stapler was in peril from his own incompetency. His reaction; shrug it off and deals with a cleric on the other edge of the planet... :smalleek:

Then there was the time Bob, the Half-elf cleric of Pelor cast Expanded Silence on a dire petting zoo to give the halfling rogue time enough to climb atop our ranger's wolf and run around like a ninny. I envisioned Dudly Do-Right! :smallbiggrin:

then read my sig. Turned out to be a pack of particularly hungry wolves! :smalltongue:

Zocelot
2008-07-29, 08:53 PM
My best DM ever had one hilarious habit. Whenever someone said "I walk through the door", he would get up, walk straight into a door, and say "Nope, that doesn't work. I suggest you open the door first"*. As far as I know, everyone who ever played in that group now says "I open the door and walk through the doorway".

*Once, a player said "I open the door then walk through it", at which point the DM got up, opened the door and walked straight into the door.

Kool-Aid
2008-07-29, 09:25 PM
Oh just remembered a recurring joke with my friends that started when dealing with the mayor of a local town (who was using his position to send guards into people's homes, then murder and rob them for his own benefit). While trying to talk our way out of killing a few of the corrupt guards (or rather, I WAS, considering I'm the only one with any charisma).

The DM suggests that I try to get on the side of the mayor, Me:how do I do that? DM: I DON'T KNOW use diplomacy? Me: Okay...I stab him in the throat. DM: I said use diplomacy Me: I did, my dagger's name is diplomacy *shows character sheet*.

Sinfire Titan
2008-07-29, 10:30 PM
Oh lord. Seeing as I'm a GM, I don't know where to begin. My players have probably killed more braincells than drinking, headbanging, and surfing the internet could ever possibly kill combined.

Do I tell you about the Kata maneuver? A fighting style invented by one of my players where you self-inflict falling damage to do massive damage to your opponent from the pure force of your weight going into the attack. A fighting style that my players have constantly honed and perfected into a viable and not-stupid strategy. A fighting style that has Crit WAY MORE than it should.


I confess my guilt, I am probably the one responsible for this. Not directly, mind you, but I am the one who founded the entire trick for DnD purposes. Proof. (http://forums.gleemax.com/showthread.php?t=1014017)

20d6 points of Falling Object damage and only a 2d6 backlash on the character himself. Again, guilty as charged.

Leon
2008-07-30, 06:06 AM
Second Session of my IK Game: The party is exploring the witches tomb and half the party has a hostile reaction to the gobber cleric and they set of in pursuit of him.
Not sure on where he went, the rogue decides to sneak down a tunnel and discovers a largish room with a pit of some sort in the middle, he tosses the Skull that he had picked up from the last fight into the hole, hears it bounce and skitter down.
Then without even looking at the pit or how deep it appeared to be, Dove into it.
I asked him again what he did and we just sat there stunned for a bit while i was shaking the dice.

Elf Rogue (6hp) + 20ft Deep Pit (2-12 damage) = Rogue on -5hp head first into a pile of broken bones

The party were more worried that there was loot down there than weather the rogue was alive or not - they got him out Via the Ogrun and his war cleaver (Kebab style), looted him and tossed the naked body back into the pit

Jade_Tarem
2008-07-30, 04:47 PM
In one of my games, the party was squaring off against the BBEG. They were high level, but had no chance of defeating him and everyone knew it. One player decided that it would be a good time to defect, just out of nowhere. I had let players split parties and go different alignment routes before, so I guess it seemed like a good idea. He overestimated his value to the BBEG, though.

The rest of the party reacts negatively - in game. One of the characters wins initiative and wastes the traitor (brought to -9, much to the disappointment of the party) in one round, before the party mage teleports everyone but the traitor to safety.

I had the traitor wake up the following hour or so, at full hp. The dragon BBEG, a Colossal+ Red, questioned him for a bit and learned such valuable gems as where the party's stash of campaign MacGuffins was, and then the following exchange took place:

Traitor PC: "So I'm working for you now?"
BBEG: "Hmm? Oh, right. No. I just healed you to make sure that you knew how much this is going to hurt." *Fire Breath, Kills PC*

Part of the hilarity was that this was that particular player's sixth death that game. Previous versions included being killed to death by the wizard's pet zombie displacer beast, being shot from a catapult off a cliff, having a wall of iron dropped on him (they followed the rules), being shapechanged into an inanimate plant in the middle of the desert, and being torn apart by a horde of angry goblins. The party wizard was somehow directly or indirectly responsible for all of these.

NathanCF
2008-07-31, 03:32 AM
I'm running a campaign of low level adventurers. Five players, two are level three, and three are level five. They're going through the woods, and just for some flavor text, I describe a small creek they come to, with a bear batting some fish on the other side.

The sorcerer says to the fighter, "You should throw a rock at it!"

The fighter says, "Okay," and does so.

I stare at the two of them for a moment, in utter disbelief, before sighing deeply and announcing, "Okay, everybody give me initiative!"

Zanticor
2008-07-31, 03:30 PM
In a AD&D game of "The ruins of undermountain" a dwarfen fighter, two halfling fighters and a elfen wizard (converted from first edition). Are following a thief who stole their crystal ball. We delve deep underground and fins a five by five food chamber with a seed in it. The DM declares there is no smell in the room by the seed has a big hole in it. Everybody understands what this meant except for the dumb dwarf who immediately declares that he jumps into the hole! We try to stop him by casting a robe around him and succeed. But because he is dangling from the rope we have to trow some strength checks. Needless to say we all fail miserably and drop after him one by one because we don't want to lose him. At last the elven wizard is standing on his own peering into the empty hole. He yells "what the heck" and jumps after the rest of us into the magic toilet that transports him to an enormous junkyard filled with years of you know what and some creepy monsters just waiting for some dumb adventurers to flush themselves.

Good times,

Zanticor

Roland St. Jude
2008-08-01, 03:17 PM
Sheriff of Moddingham: Please don't revive threads older than six weeks and lower than page three. If you find them of value, start a new thread on the topic and link to or quote the old thread. Thread necromancy is both bad form and against the rules here.


Also, don't be a vigilante moderator. Just report the offending thread. Thanks.