Things Not to do when you're Lawful Good.

[Conners]

This is similar to the other hilarious threads I started ("Things not to do when Fighting Gnolls/Drow/Kobolds").

1. You will not set random things on fire, even if they look dark and sinister.
2. You will not constantly cast, Detect Evil, on your relitives, just to make sure.
3. When you cast, Detect Good, on someone and it doesn't register, you will not kill them just to be sure.

[Emperor Demonking]

4. If an evil army asks you for the directions to an unprepared town, don't tell them the right way just because you don't lie.

[Dorizzit]

5. You will not obey stupid laws just because you're lawful.

[Thanatos 51-50]

6)( You kill not take ranks in Profession (Lawyer) - to all you real-world lawyers, I kid.
7)( You kill not make idiotic, kamikaze charges against a numerically and tactically superior foe
8)( Suicide is not Part of Your Religon - Paladins take note.
9)( Don't worry about one or two minor "Evil" acts, especially if they're for the Greater Good. You're not a Paladin.
9a)( Unless, of course, you are a Paladin, in which case, pray your DM isn't a jerk and tread very lightly.
10)( The Evil King may be a legitimate authority, but hes still Evil. You can kill him. Its okay.

[Riffington]

5. You will not obey stupid laws just because you're lawful.

Yes you will. You just won't obey vile laws.

[Emperor Demonking]

11. You aren't the most important character, you can't make people do what they don't want to.
12. You don't murder the babies.

[Callos_DeTerran]

10A) Okay, maybe you can't kill him but you CAN find a way to legtimately oust him from his throne and possibly be executed for his crimes.

13.) Santicfy the Wicked may cement your Lawful Good status, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea.

14.) Never chant 'Pazuzu' three times.

14A) And if you do, do not attempt bargaining with the demon lord that might possibly show up.

14B) Or try to battle him.

14C) You know what? Just don't do it.

[Emperor Demonking]

14d. Becoming NG is a small price for saving the world.

[Renegade Paladin]

14E.) Except that unless you actually are a paladin, the help you get will advance the cause of evil in some way.

[Thanatos 51-50]

14F)( Rule 14 people, live it, learn it, Love it.

[Sleet]

15. Almost anything you find in a deck of Munchkin cards.

[Emperor Demonking]

16. Don't quote from the other threads.

[triforcel]

2a. Unless you're a paladin. Then you're obligated to cast Detect Evil every time you encounter a new person. Or someone you took your eyes off of for more than five seconds.

[lord_khaine]

Yes you will. You just won't obey vile laws

no, and since you are also good you should actualy work to oppose the vile laws.

[ghost_warlock]

17) Attempt to acquire the hand and eye of Vecna for personal gain.
18) Plant evidence at crime scenes to make your party member(s) seem guilty.
19) When raiding the BBEG's house and finding him out, steal all of his underpants.
20) Be a warlock.

[AlterForm]

17a) Or the head of Vecna, for that matter. This applies to all characters, actually.

[Illiterate Scribe]

21. Meet Mephistopheles. Really, that guy's just gonna just confuse you by using 'spiritual desolation' on you. NG and CG characters, on the other hand can just wail on him.


14E.) Except that unless you actually are a paladin, the help you get will advance the cause of evil in some way.

I don't think that Pazuzu actually foresaw what that venerable kobold Paladin wanted ... :smallamused:

[Treguard]

22. ...Evil..erm...acts..? Yeah let's go with that one. No evil acts for you.

[SurlySeraph]

.
7)( You kill not make idiotic, kamikaze charges against a numerically and tactically superior foe

HERESY!


8)( Suicide is not Part of Your Religon - Paladins take note.

INTOLERANCE *AND* HERESY!


9)( Don't worry about one or two minor "Evil" acts, especially if they're for the Greater Good. You're not a Paladin.

Yes!


9a)( Unless, of course, you are a Paladin, in which case, pray your DM isn't a jerk and tread very lightly.

9.b. If you are a Paladin and do have that kind of DM, take levels in Grey Guard or Shadowbane Inquisitor. Or both. Now.


10)( The Evil King may be a legitimate authority, but hes still Evil. You can kill him. Its okay.

10.a. However, it is generally considered to be in poor taste to laugh maniacally and put his bloodstained crown on your own head.

23. Do not eat babies, unless they are demonically possessed. In that case, you must make absolutely sure both that there is no other way to exorcise the demon and that killing the baby will release the demon into the world.

24. Do not threaten to eat small children, especially not to their faces.

25. Don't burn the Drow at the stake until you are sure that he isn't a Chaotic Good ranger who just happens to have a Ring of Hide Alignment.

26. Comforting Good people is more important than scaring Evil people.

27. The Inquisitors from Warhammer 40K are not Lawful Good. Do not imitate them.
27.a. There is such thing as innocence. There are not simply degrees of guilt.

[Randel]

23. Do not kill people and say that it's good "Because now they feel no pain." Especially if its a baby.

24. You don't have to let the Big Bad go "Because killing him would make you just like him." because it doesn't.

25. Don't donate all the party's money to the poor. Unless everyone else agrees on it and you are certain that these poor people aren't just going to get robbed by bandits as soon as you walk away.

26. If you are a paladin, do not go around invisible and spy on random people to see if they commit 'evil' acts.

27. Except in very very very rare circumstances, a farmer killing a chicken to feed his family is not an evil act.

28. Likewise, a parent disciplining their child is not an evil act.

29. "Robbing from the rich and giving to the poor" does not automatically make one either good or lawful.

30. A Paladin may not start their own religion in which they themselves define what is good and lawful... and they certainly can't give themselves spells.

32. While you may occasionally "look the other way" when a team mate does something questionable, you can't look the other way when you do something questionable.

33. Wearing a blindfold and putting in earplugs does not allow you to do whatever you want.

[Yami]

34. Stay that way.

[Voyager_I]

35. You shall not skewer random pedestrians for pinging on your Evil-dar. Being a bad person isn't a capital crime.

36. Conversely, if someone does have it coming, you really don't have to take them alive.

36A. Unless they surrender...betcha wish you were CG right about now, don't you?

[Ganurath]

37. Fire into melee. That is especially bad if you have allies in the aforementioned melee.

38. Aid the Scars. Even if you're a half-elf, there is no Lawful or Good in associating with a guild of xenophobic assassins out to kill the ruling powers of their home city.

39. Become a Malconvoker.

40. Become a Paladin.

[Nowhere Girl]

41. Do not read the Book of Exalted Deeds. Justice demands mercy? O rly? One concept demands its near-opposite? I don't think so, Tim. :smalltongue:

41a. And if you must read it, for the love of God, stay away from Vow of Poverty.

[puppyavenger]

42. Model yourself off a historically accurate medieval knight.

[Nerd-o-rama]

43. Don't go beyond the impossible, and/or kick reason to the curb. It's heroic, sure, but not terribly Lawful.
44. Don't go into alignment debate threads
44b. Especially don't derail gag threads into alignment debates.
45. Do take ranks in Profession (Barrister). You're probably going to want to answer for something you do on your adventures in a court of law, and you can never trust a lawyer.
46. Mindless slaughter is never Lawful Good, no matter who you're doing it to. Always consider the necessity and manner of your attacks carefully.
47. Be aware of your setting. In Greyhawk, you can probably go ahead and stab the demons. If you're in Sigil or anywhere in Eberron, run a background check first.

[JackMage666]

The first rule of Lawful Good is you don't talk about Lawful Good

Seriously, you're party members will love you for it.

[Shraik]

48. taking two Kobolds, Blinding them, putting them in a sack, and carrying them around for a while

[Cuddly]

49. Allow evil creatures to live.

[Talya]

35. You shall not skewer random pedestrians for pinging on your Evil-dar. Being a bad person isn't a capital crime.

36. Conversely, if someone does have it coming, you really don't have to take them alive.

36A. Unless they surrender...betcha wish you were CG right about now, don't you?


These three win.

[Ganurath]

50. Tie up a goblin and lead them down the hall at spearpoint to trigger traps for you.

50a. Have the 6th level warlock use The Dead Walk so you can recycle the goblin.

[Hectonkhyres]

51) Give speaches about the power of friendship.
...
Ever.

[knightsaline]

*refer to the gnome as the "emergency food supply"
*Become king of the pirates so no pirates who are chaotic or evil can have the title
* Practice "Absolute justice"
* Allow collateral damage
* press any button that giggles
* Do do things for the Greater Good, as long as nobody gets seriously hurt except for the ones who deserved it
*promise cake to the peasants and never give it, thus making the peasants scrawl "The CAKe Iz A Ly!" everywhere
* use two gates, one on top of the other to make a huge monster reach terminal velocity, then dismiss one of the gates
* interfere with the past
Edit: 51a: Never do things in the name of the Moon, unless you are a Paladin of Selene.
51ai: You may not wear what the DM would call a sailor outfit if you are female
51aii: if you throw a chakram infused with holy energy, you may not say "Moon Tiara Magic!"

[The_Blue_Sorceress]

14d. Becoming NG is a small price for saving the world.

I actually had that very thing happen to one of my characters for that very reason.

-Blue

[Talic]

If you encounter someone brandishing a weapon, you should smite them. One does not typically brandish a weapon without intending harm to others.

If you encounter someone who is not brandishing a weapon, you should likely smite them as well. After all, this could be a trick, designed to lower your guard, and any number of small weapons are easily concealable.

If you encounter an evil foe, and battle him, and in the process of smiting him, he surrenders, you should show extreme caution. This again, is likely a trick. Smiting is advised.

If you encounter an old man or woman, walking along the road, in need of assistance, it is wise to be prepared, and smite them as well. After all, what better disguise to ambush from than a frail and harmless individual?

If you encounter a young child, unarmed, on the side of the road, crying, it's best to be careful and smite it. It could be a polymorphed wizard, any number of magical shapeshifters, including dopplegangers or the like, ready to kill innocents.

The above lines should never be thought by a paladin. Ever.

[Yami]

I beleive you have confused LG with Lawful Bloody Crazy.

Brandishing a weapon is what the good guys DO!

[Talic]

I beleive you have confused LG with Lawful Bloody Crazy.

Brandishing a weapon is what the good guys DO!

It was paraphrased from Hackmaster's Knight Errant creed. Everything was good, as long as the character could come up with an even loosely plausible reason for it to possibly be maybe a good act... sorta. I think of it as "Lawful Cheesing".

[Emperor Demonking]

X. Pretend you made the kobold thread when you didn't.
X+1. Stop writing numbers next to your points.

[Conners]

X. Pretend you made the kobold thread when you didn't.
X+1. Stop writing numbers next to your points. Stange, I was almost certain I started the kobold thread.... I certainly did start the gnoll and drow ones at least... Too tired to remember if I started the kobold one or not.

[Xuincherguixe]

52. Kill something just because it detects evil. Maybe it just didn't get enough hugs as a kid, or is confused. Talk to the helpless little goblin. Maybe he'll give you a cookie or a portal to the hideous death spore dimension.
53. Use hideous death spores.

[Faithdreamer]

If you encounter a Villain who fits nicely into the criteria of Requiring Smiting, never be so subversive and conniving that you must actually be the Corrupting Influence leading them to the side of Good and Right.

That would be evil, demonic and fiendish.

[Emperor Demonking]

x+4: Missout peoples things.
X+5. Poison the water supply so the villians die.

[Shraik]

54. Become a Pimp and constantly smite people by pimp slapping them.

[timbuck_hunter]

What happened to #31?

[EvilElitest]

9.b. If you are a Paladin and do have that kind of DM, take levels in Grey Guard or Shadowbane Inquisitor. Or both. Now.
55. Nevery become a Grey Guard (unless your DM uses different rules) and make sure you stick to the Paladin code with the other one
56. Read Book of exalted deeds and follow it (don't take vow of poverty though, ever)
from,
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