Great group stories, quotes and players.

[Talanic]

My group is a load of fun to play with. We don't always get a lot done, but they keep me (the DM) on my toes and we always have a riot. We mostly play by normal D&D rules but I'm using some houserules. I try to reward anything that causes the game to be more fun; as a result, you can get exp from being extra heroic, etc.

Two of our players will spontaneously draw chibi pictures of the events in-game, as well as portraits of the characters. They've drawn everything from the low-level cleric being informed of Pelor's disfavor via lightning bolt (didn't ACTUALLY happen ingame) to the kobold-skin leather that they intend to make when they get the chance.

So far, the biggest adventure they've gone through is a kobold fortress. They've also fought some creatures that are from outside of time.

The bard managed to UMD a wand of Burning Hands, then rolled a 4 for damage, sending a 15' cone of fire down a hallway full of kobolds.

Bard: How did I do?
Me: You dealt enough damage to kill them.
Bard: How many?
Me: All of them.
Stunned silence persisted for a few seconds.
Rogue: Wow. The bard was actually useful.

Other quotes:

Bard: Don't tell them that I broke the universe!

Rogue: Kobolds. Nature's rats.
Bard: ...Wouldn't nature's rats be, well, rats?
Rogue: You'd think so, wouldn't you?

Barbarian: Okay, so I use the dead kobolds as oven mitts.
DM: Oven mitts? How...
Barbarian, with appropriate gestures: I stick my hands up inside. Afterwards, they make great hand puppets.

Rogue: There's always a better way. And it usually involves dead kobolds.

Can't remember who said what:
P1: Okay, we get the villagers and the barbarians together and tell them to cooperate now that the barbarians helped us free the villagers.
P2: How are we going to help them get along?
P3: Hmm. Guys, I'm chaotic neutral.
P1: Oh, yeah, me too.
P2: Ditto.
P4: Chaotic Good myself.
P5: Chaotic Neutral here.
P1: We leave. Let 'em sort it out themselves.

Then, one night the barbarian was also running the wizard, whose normal player is his fiance. The barbarian has captured a kobold, tied him to a stick, and is carrying him around, trying to teach him to bite on command. We're calling it the kobold-stick. The kobold only speaks draconic, though, which the wizard also speaks.
Barbarian: I ask the kobold what's happened to the keep.
Me: It screams in purest terror.
Barbarian: Uhm, I mean, the wizard asks him.

The bard killed a villain. Immediately after his death, she sang a phrase in Japanese to the tune of the Final Fantasy victory tune. I'm considering rewarding her with a single limit break.

The kobold-stick died soon after, to one of the aforementioned outside-time creatures (basically a boss fight). Afterwards the creature dissolves into a blue residue; the party doesn't know, but the first person to contact it will permanently gain a +1 (stacking, up to +4) enhancement bonus to a random attribute, which doesn't stack with bonuses from gear or bull's strength or similar magic. Basically, as if someone had permanency cast after bull's strength (which I know isn't actually legal). Nifty, but it can be dispelled.

Not knowing what the residue is, they poke it with the dead kobold-on-a-stick to see what happens. The kobold's DEAD, so it can't get enchanted, can it? I rolled a percentile to see how positive the reaction was and got a 98. The result is that the barbarian is now toting around a kobold-stick +1, which I am treating as a greatclub +1 with a skeletal kobold and a roc feather attached to it.

Go ahead, share anything you guys find amusing.

[Admiral Squish]

I want a kobold-stick, now. I want it so bad. I have to do that. Or something like it.

Funniest group story?

My DM just threw together the last boss fight, because he ran out of time. Unfortunately, it was a wizard. It was a second-level wizard yaun-ti.
He forgot the spell list, of course. So he ended up throwing it together on the spot. The battle lasted two castings of 'mirror image', one casting of 'rope trick', and a total five or six rounds of combat, even including her ogre guardian. My DM's not much for keeping track, so thats how long it took to realize she was dead two rounds ago.
DM: How much damage is that?
Me: (starts listing digits)
DM: Okay, yeah, she's dead.
Me: Im not done with the list, though.
DM: Well, she's out of health already.
Me: ... There's two more rounds of digits...
DM: Sorry?
Me: Not yet, but you will be. *maulings*

Oh, then we had to try and figure out if using a sentient, soul-hungry sword as a nonlethal weapon would cause it to turn on us.

[Serpentine]

The barbarian has captured a kobold, tied him to a stick, and is carrying him around, trying to teach him to bite on command. Sounds like someone's been watching Labyrinth... Actually, having one of those would be awesome.

Stories, eh? Too bad I have a useless memory...
Well, we've had some fun with the Acorn of Returning. Goff awarded it to his players in a game before I started playing. You throw it, it does damage, and it comes back to you. Simple, no?
In this game, before I joined, Goff introduced a halfling bard to a tavern, just for atmosphere, you know? Well, our bard took an instant disliking to him. I can't remember exactly how it started, but he proceeded to make his life a living hell any time they came across him. In one case it involved our bard dropping the acorn into his pants and then running away. The acorn then proceeded to try to return to him... and after much bouncing around this poor halfling's pants, it did so.
Later, I took over the game for a side-quest that involved tromping through the sewers looking for a giant rat that took an old man's ring (Goff failed a Memory Retention Check and spent the whole time looking for a muskrat). The same fellow, I think playing the same character with the same Acorn of Returning, got annoyed at me for some reason and attempted to throw it at "god" - that is, me. He had a chamberpot emptied on his head. A failed Fort save later and he was throwing up... and aiming at the rogue. Said rogue jumped out of the way, causing him to miss... so the bard stuck his fingers down his throat to try again. This time he hit, but the rogue just happened to have a wand of Magic Missile in his hand... He still complains about that "unprovoked attack" :smallsigh:
And then there was the debacle of an attack in that same game. Our 18 Str wizard (:smallsigh:) was striding on ahead into the dark with everyone else trying to keep up behind him. He went round a corner and nearly smacked into a Gibbering Mouther (I believe he later did run into a Gelatinous Cube :smallbiggrin:). I can't remember exactly what happened next, but it was roughly the following (obviously with some moves left out): Wizard tried to attack the Mouther. Failed, or didn't do much. My half-orc rogue/catlord then attempted to attack it. Critically failed, hit the wizard. Mouther Confused the catlord. Catlord attacked the wizard. Rogue attempted to attack the Mouther. Critically failed, skewered (or was it chopped nearly in half?) the wizard. Cleric has the next action, so I allow him to dive in and heal the wizard on his death rattle.
The Cleverest Use of an Item Award goes to that same nutcase player (this time with a druid) with that same Acorn of Returning. In this whole new campaign, the Acorn got a big facelift. It became a Weapon of Legacy Silvered Acorn of Returning. Its "tell" was that if any non-druid held it, s/he was instantly covered in binding vines as per Entanglement. Now, the rogue Nuturion (same fellow as in the previous games but at a lower level) was sitting in the Academy dining hall playing that knife game where you stab it between your fingers as fast as you can. My tiefling ranger, Sar'Pynestae comes sneaking strolling up behind him and gives him a startling says "hello" the rogue then stabs himself in the hand, fortunately just as the cleric comes in. His hand's fixed, no problem, and Sar'Pynestae makes some comment to the effect of "it's your own fault". Nuturion then gives her an uppercut to the jaw. Sar, slightly unhinged, then tackles him to the ground with the intent of beating the crap out of him. Unfortunately, she misses the first blow or two. Then, when she has her fist high in the air, ready break his smug nose... the druid who'd just come in squeezes his Entangling acorn into her hand.
I couldn't really begrudge him for it, it was clever.

[BRC]

So the DM is describing some prohpecy were supposed to investigate.
Player: OH!, I read about this, you see its-
DM: Make a knowledge history check, if you fail you stop talking or your character gets struck by lightning.


Another point, we'd been beating on this guy who thought he was the grim reaper for awhile, We had A: Trapped him in a box made with Wall of Iron, B thrown several fireballs and other AoE spells in there, C DROPPED the roof of said box on him, he had dug out, we had dropped ANOTHER Wall on him, had him grappled by a summoned earth elemental and were standing in a circle hitting him with Coup de Graces every round. Eventually the DM just says
"Alright, after awhile the magic keeping him alive wears off and he is effected by the *checks sheet* Nine hundred damage you dealt to him"

[Goats_o_Mjolnir]

Necromancer: Wheres the minotaur?
Rogue: I retard sat yesterday
Minotaur who found his way into the town Square: BRING ME BEER AND VIRGINS!

[ShadowSiege]

First, the setup. I'm running a campaign in a vaguely defined generic world that I'm adding more to as we go. Two of the characters are best friends and have survived the several year ago Necromantic War. During the war, a gas was developed to cause insanity, and we decided it would be purple because that's the color of Prismatic Spray that induces said status effect. The rogue got a small whiff of it, and didn't seem to be affected by it. Seem being the operative word.

Fast forward to the present. The party has embarked to the capital of the kingdom, and the mind flayers want them dead. So I figure the next thing in line in the sorting algorithm of evil will be a kigrid. For those who don't have LoM, a kigrid is a medium sized cat-thing of the same general tree of life that spawned the mind flayers. They soundly defeat it. The rogue, being a pragmatist, cheapskate, etc, says the following:

Rogue: Ya know, back in Grayson City I knew this guy. We called him Crazy Bob, because, well, he was crazy. And I would sit down and listen to his stories from time to time, and I recall him saying that he's eaten cat. I'm going to see if I can remember what he said was the best cut of meat.

Me: *chuckling* Alright, roll an int. *Success* You cut off what you recall Bob having said was the best cut of meat, as well as some other pieces. You get in all about 10 pounds of the stuff.

Everyone else: You can't seriously say you're going to eat that.

Rogue: What? It's food, and it's free. Better than hard tack, again. Alright, I'm going to roast it over the fire. How's it taste once it's done?

Me: (Having no clue what cat would taste like, but assuming it's lean, red meat) It's not bad. Tough, lean, kinda like venison but with a tinge of something you can't quite place.

Rogue: Anyone else want some?

Everyone: NO!

This wasn't the last time he ate something strange, nor will it be the last I'm sure. He's considered mind flayer, but the group talked him out of it as it's fairly humanoid, same for kobolds, but one of my favorites is the following story.

The group has arrived at the capital city, with a few more run ins with monsters, including another kigrid that killed some commoner's wife, thus spawning Eric the Unfortunate. (They later sold the meat from that kigrid to an innkeeper for a free night's stay due high bluff checks and reasonable arguments/lies). Once in the city though, someone keeps taking potshots at them and missing. Badly. I was rolling 1s and whatnot for this assassin, he even failed to hit the fighter while he was invisible he was that unlucky. A swift beatdown ensues after this invisible and failed ambush. After the interrogation, they execute him (none are particularly good except the cleric who protested vehemently and tried to stop it). They now have a corpse on their hands.

Rogue (OOC): So just how crazy was Crazy Bob?
Everyone dons a look of shock and disgust.
Me: Not that crazy!
Rogue: Ah, alright. Let's get the corpse into the bag of holding and ditch him later. Not it.
Fighter: What? You're the rogue! You can't call "not it" for sneaking around and getting rid of a corpse!

Good times. And more to be had I'm sure.

[Eighth_Seraph]

Alright, me and my group have serious gaming days and days for meaningless randomness. This was a random day. We were playing the first adventure of the Savage Tide adventure path, and we managed to take out some huge wild insect animal...thing. In the process, our high Strength, low Con wild elf fighter is bitten and Improved Grabbed into negative hit points and is brought back from the brink of death by our cleric after my waterbender puts out the fire below deck. It went something like this:

Cleric: It's alright everyone, he's alright!
Fighter: Huh? Wha? Hey, I can see! But....I'm dead. I'M A GHOST! AAAHHHHH!!!!

A short time later...

Fighter: Wait...Since I'm a ghost, I can fly!

Thud

Fighter: I must not be an experienced enough ghost yet...But I bet I can walk through walls!

Crash

Waterbender: Er. David?
Wizard: Shh. I have an idea.
Fighter: I must need to push harder...

Strength check. Success. Crash. Oof. Thud. Negative hit points. Cure Light Wounds.

DM: If you'll continue this roleplaying for the entire adventure path, I'll give you a human bonus feat on account of awesomeness.

And he took the offer. Good times.

[CrazedGoblin]

*make a survival check*

*why, im not dead?*


hahaha :smallbiggrin:

[wadledo]

I used to play a slightly deranged Half-Elf wildshape druid (he had father/mother/sister/uncle issues[in that order]) that tended to "cling" to people at the littlest thing. A lot.
He was also the designated healer, and after a particularly vicious battle he was patching up the duskblade(who was female but being played by a guy).
The rogue came wandering up behind and startled me, causing me to cling to her. d100 anyone?
Some rushed and awkward excuses later:
Rogue: So what where you guys actually doing?
Duskblade (still completely red): He was just healing me!
Me: [Nod]
Rogue: O.k. if you insist.
Duskblade: Hey! I don't even like him!
Me: [Sad look and close to tears]
Rogue: Now look what you've done!
Me OOC: How difficult would it be to summon a direwolf in her pants?
DM: Roll a d100.
Me OOC: 94
DM: Hmmmm......
Needless to say, she was more careful with her words after that.

Another time he literally "glomped" the BHBG Lich when we where hiding above and the rogue startled me(see a pattern here?).
Me after falling on top of the Lich and clinging to his head: Um, hello?
Lich: Oh, who would you be then?
Me:........Forest Avenger!
Lich: Oh damn.

[Feralgeist]

cant remember if it's the funniest, but the most recent would've been last night.

I'm running a campaign and one of the PC's has a ring containing some cosmic being by the name of kael. Now, the PC has been keeping it a secret from the rest of the party, cause the being gives him advice and talks in his head, saying its name 3 times sets it free. He spends the whole game decidedly not saying its' name,even though the being had previously offered 3 chances to tell him the complete truth about any question, 1 question for each time he says the name, plus a wish granted when it is free.

Another PC (sorceror) reads about the being in a book, and questions the first PC (scout) about it, so the scout PC says "Ah, Kael, no i have no idea who that is"
(voice in head) <thank you>
Scout: "you're welcome, what for?"
Voice: <no......thankyou. i am one step closer> Magical breeze messes up the library

Scout: "AH GOD DAMMIT!!" storms out of room

Sorceror: "what the hell was that about?"

[Goats_o_Mjolnir]

This is from my group which includes a Necromancer, Rogue, a retarded minotaur barbarian, and a bugbear paladin.

*Minotaur waving at departing transport ship*
Necro: Wheres our zombie sherpa?
Minotaur: Bye Gerrik!!(zombies name b4 zombification)
Necro: You left him on the BOAT!!!
Rogue: Uh-oh
Paladin realizing the zombie catered to his mount, which now has a leg missing: Sonuva!
*dives into water*
Ill kill you!
Meanwhile the zombie is on deck slowly waving to the minotaur.
Zombie: UHHHHHHHH!!

[SexyOchreJelly]

Haha, funny stories guys.


I can't be bothered to type anything fantastic, but last session the psion of the party was talking to a gnome, and he then saw the exact same gnome in the corner of his eye walking down some stairs (it was actually a doppelganger), so he decided to practically punch the gnome he was talking to in the face to see if he was an illusion. Funny times.

[an kobold]

Our cleric had a problem with doubt. Doubt in his monastery, whether or not his town was still around, and why he was with us. So it really did not surprise anyone when he decided to turn back. The half-orc barbarian was not too keen with this, so he gets up behind the cleric, holds the dagger to his throat, and says:

"You's comin' wid us, whether you iz liking it or not."

At this point, the cleric's player looks around, then at the DM.

"I fall on the blade."

Followed by silence, then a chorus of "YOU WHAT?"

Earlier in the same game, I was the druid with a wolf companion rooming with the barbarian. We had both gotten smashed together and come back to the inn after he had a drinking contest with a local half-orc. All through the contest, the barbarian's player had kept bragging about his fort save, etc., even though it was a tie with both of them too drunk to continue. During the night, he has both me and my wolf make listen checks. Both rolls were a natural one. The DM laughs, then goes on to say to me, "You wake up in the morning, your head hurting intensely. You look groggily across the room to where your room mate is sleeping to see not one but two half-orcs. Rubbing your eyes, you recognize the stranger as the half-orc from the bar last night."

[Xuincherguixe]

DM: I failed my Lovecrafting roll.
Me: What's the modifier on Lovecrafting?
DM: Negative wisdom
Other player (at the exact same time): Negative wisdom

[Hunter Noventa]

A sentence you never want to hear from the DM at a fancy dinner party:

"Your diplomacy check moves the princess from friendly to prone. Good Job."



Oh yes, then there was the time we were adding a new played to the game a couple sessions in. Since he was a druid we met him on the way to the adventure site. The exchange went something like this:

Random Player to Druid: What are you doing here?
Druid: These woods are my home.
Other player: This is an open plain.

You kind of had to be there, but we laugh about it to this day.

[KoDT69]

I DM 2 regular groups, and 1 other group at random times when they get together. We'll start with the first regular group.

1st regular group
A Dragon-Kin fighter/mage gish flies 40 feet above a salt golem (from DarkSun 2nd edition) and urinates on it. This monster was way above the group's ability to handle and they all knew it. The fighter charged it anyway to "save" the gish from a monster that could not touch him :smallyuk: The fighter got his butt stomped and the whole party had to fight it, using about 90% of their resources. Nobody laughed except the gish player!

We had an evil elven preistess that decided to breed with a fremlin... a %^*&#$$%^ fremlin! She gave birth to a Psionic Furby 3 weeks later. It had vorpal teeth and was unable to be trained.

The party rouge died from massive falling damage after the 5th failed climb attempt. She had slipper of spider climbing equipped to boot :smallconfused:

2nd regular group
We had a 3rd level group of 7 PC's enter some goblin mines and against better judgement and with many warnings, approached the Stone Giant BBEG's quarters to free the goblins :smallconfused: The fighter is unable to open the door, but the bard runs up and rolls a 1 (in 2nd edition was like a 20 on an open door check) and ripped it off the hinges. The Stone Giant is caught by suprise napping and manages to get to his feet and then lose initiative to 4 of the players. The thief/acrobat tumbles in and makes a called shot to his man-junk, and it was a natural 20! :smallamused: Giant buckles over in pain in time for the fighter to charge in making 3 attacks, 2 of 3 also natural 20's, all to his right leg for 87 damage! The dwarven fighter and the ranger both charge in and each one gets a natural 20 as well. The 16-18HD giant had to beg 3rd level characters for mercy because of one of the most exceptional melee rounds we ever had! He should have killed off the whole party in 2 or 3 rounds! His severed head was put on an awl pike and shown to the slaves as a sign of freedom.

The epic level wizard ran out of spells and decided to backhand (read: unarmed strike) a Succubus that was taunting him. A natural 20 roll left her down for the rest of the fight!

Random group
This ragtag bunch managed to prevent an assassination and destroy a vampire at 1st level, all on accident. The assassins were disguised as minstrels and there to kill the lord of the house. The PC's missed that whole plot hook and hired them for 3 times their assassination fee to just play music for them to dance drunk and naked on the courtyard fountain to, which kept them long enough to foil that plot. The vampire comes when night falls and they all run scared instead fo fighting or trying to use diplomacy which was the objective, they caused massive havoc. Using hit-n-run-hide they wore him down until the cleric was dominated with his gaze. Unfortunately for the vampire, the cleric rolled a critical fumble and accidentally struck his master for his last few hp. He was driven away from the house because his coffin was destroyed in the havoc. It was pretty amusing.

[Sonofaspectre]

All right, so my Red Dragon Samurai/Barbarian and my friends Black Dragon Swashbuckler/Assassin are cleaning out their tower, because they had left it for forty years. As we meet the random creatures that have moved in, at one point, we come across a shade.

DM: You see a shade in the library, walking around idly.
Red: All right, I'm gonna go talk to it.
Black: Wait, what?!
Red: I'm gonna go talk to it.
Black: [continues to stammer]
Red: What? I just wanna find out what it eats.
Black: But Shades eat Happiness!

I swear, we haven't stopped quoting that line.

[PlatinumJester]

In a Dungeon:

DM: Ok so you killed the Orc.
Me: booyah
DM: Now roll a Will save.
Me: Er Ok, er 7.
DM: You now get your "freak" on with the recently deceased orc.
Me: Eew.
DM: Another Will save.
Me: sigh, 12.
DM: You now eat the remains of the orc.
Me:.........********



Whilst in a dungeon.
DM: The fighter lurches towards the wounded Wizard and attacks him an misses.
Me: I run back and cast caltrops (my last spell).
Game continues until fighter's turn again.
DM: He charges and steps on a caltrop and...
Me: I'm doomed.
DM: and he takes 1 damage and dies.

Since then caltrops has been my favourite spell.


In a recent session about a month ago:

DM: Roll a survival check.
Newbie: but I'm not dead.

[Saph]

I posted this a few months back, but here it is again: The Tale of the Apocalypse Demon Kitten of DOOM! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=60593)

- Saph

[Talanic]

I forgot a story, which the rogue was quite happy to remind me of!

During the raid on the kobold fort, the barbarian attempted repeatedly to intimidate information out of kobolds that didn't even speak his language. He had massive bonuses, despite having no ranks and a negative cha modifier, due to him wearing the skull of their dragon-god as a shoulderpad. His success was somewhat mitigated by the kobolds having no useful information anyway.

The party had found three kobolds cowering in the barracks, having abandoned their fellows in the heat of battle and intending to sit out the fight. So the barbarian picked up two of them and tried to interrogate them; when their only response was to wet themselves, he fed one to the other, killing both.

The bard - who has played NWN - thought kobolds were cute. She wanted her very own Deekin to follow her around. So when the third kobold was picked up, she declared her action.

Bard: I give it a hug.
Me: Roll reflex save.
She rolls a three.
Bard: I got bit by a kobold, didn't I?
Me: Noooooo....
Seconds of silence followed.
Bard: They're...NOT HOUSE TRAINED!

About five minutes later, when the hubbub had subsided, I asked what they were going to do with their prisoner.

Bard: IT DIED.
Me: Oh?
Bard: It is DEAD. It was MESSY.

[CaffWriter]

I'm in the same group as the original poster, and he managed to forget one of our best stories. Silly, silly DM.

After breaking the universe (another long story for another time), we encountered a fortress full of kobolds who (though we didn't know it at the time) were keeping the resident human population as cattle. During the night the party had me (the rogue) break into one of the humans' little... well, hovel is putting it nicely. It wasn't particularly hard; the locks were only there to keep the food people in at night. Realizing how easy it would be to get into all these shacks, and having just fought our way out of cave where someone buried *ghouls,* we toyed with an idea that anyone in the situation would have surely had.

Start a zombie apocalypse.

It was a rather straightforward idea- go dig up another ghoul, carefully allow it to infect a walking burger villager, then lock infected person back in. Repeat. In the morning, the kobolds would be faced, not with yummy deliciousness, but a zombie horde.

We (un)fortunately came to our senses in time. leading to some speculation that our bard (who wasn't there during all of this) was probably the member of our party who kept the rest of us in check. The bard is... useful?

At any rate, she was ticked when she found out we were going to start a zombie apocalypse without her.

[shaka gl]

So, the party I DM had to rescue a fellow member from an enemy camp and kill the leader while a group of NPCs created a diversion on the other side of the camp. They were 4 PCs and a Ranger NPC (it was in the middle of a jungle, so he was their guide; and he was also like 6 levels lower than the party). So, when the attack on the other side started, almost all enemy troops went there, and the only thing standing between the party and the leader`s hut was a tower with two archers. The NPC Ranger, called Daenic by the way, said he`d take care of the archers so the party could go directly to the boss. He ran, climbed the tower and attacked the archers in melee. The party fought the boss, they won and rescued some prisoners. Daenic fought the archers and won, but was injured and fell to -2 hp. The party, happy after winning, took some prisoners, had dinner and went to sleep; not one of them remembered good old Daenic.

They found him dead, the next day.

Now, they really take care of NPCs...

[SilentNight]

My group is one of those that never seems to get anything done but still manages to have a rip'snortin' good time. Back when we sere still learning the fine art of D&D the party was Me(warforged fighter) the DM's NPC monk and the other guy(cleric). The cleric, for some reason, had bought ten pounds of soap to poison any sea monsters we might face. Anyway we had survived a vampire ambush and made our way to it's engineer.
On the way our DM screwed up reading the treasure charts and gave us 1,000,000 gp for killing a mummy, sweet. Once we made it to the head honcho he dropped the monk in two rounds flat. Once that happened the cleric threw his folding boat at the guy and said the command word in the air. This pinned him to the ground. We then put the aforementioned soap on his head and sat in the boat until he died. XPs for all.

[ufo]

The only players in my area is myself and a friend of mine, so we're forced to have a DMPC (and a regular PC, of course).

Well, we travelled through a large desert-like svannah for days, found a cave and went in. We fought through it, and killed a very small bronze dragon/lizard (homebrewed) at the end. On the way out, we come across a small 'ditch' of a kind inside the cave, with water and all, like a small river, which ended in a grate leading to some kind of old sewer system.

My friend decides to jump in (being a rather strong half-orc). He proceeds to try and tear to grate away (for fun, apparently). He succeeds and the stream forces him along. Back is my gnome.

With no intention to risk his own life (Chaotic Neutral), my gnome proceeds to exit the cave and return to the city. Outside was my pony and my friend's ox (named John..). Only them we realize that the half-orc was carrying all the food. The travel from the savannah to the city will take at least three days.

Eventually, my gnome is forced to slaughter John to get enough food to get home.

My gnome comes to the city. Fortunately, the sewer system which the half-orc got dragged into ended up in the city. Coincidentally (cough cough), we meet in the street, and I tell him that I slaughtered his ox. He beat the living **** out of me, until I was unconcious.

Later, he bought a new ox and named it John Junior.