A sonnet, PEACH

[InaVegt]

A horse

I seek a horse, a pretty horse, my king.
To find the one I seek, my pretty horse.
Is seeking not enough to find, or worse?
I ask, I look, I search, I find nothing.

A common horse is not enough to ring.
A horse to ride in common roads, to force
the common folk to look, to me, of course.
You see, if I should fail, it is to sting.

I have my horse, the pretty thing. It is
a beast fit for a person such as me.
You see, it's white, so mighty strong, like this.

For this creature to be not mine, you see
is to say I don't love the one, my miss.
And that would make me have to run and flee.

---

What do you guise think of this?

[truemane]

A Petrarchian Sonnet, by Merlin's Beard!

First of all, it's 'guys' as in "What do you GUYS think of this?". 'Guise' means a manner of apearance.

Anyway. Sonnet. You have the rhyme scheme correct. You separate the contect in Octave and Sestet. And you do have ten beats ler line, with the exception of line 7, which has twelve for whatever reason.

Your rhythm is inconsistent. You have to be careful with heavily rhythmic poetry that you don't force the scheme on the words.

For example: "I ask, I look, I search, I find nothing."

The word 'nothing; has its emphasis on the first syllable, not the second. So the beat in that line goes like this:

I ask, I look, I search, I find no-thing.

It gets messed up at the end there. There are a couple of examples of that.

Those are quibbles, by and large. Not even Shakespeare's Sonnets are perfect Iambic Pentameter all the time. The main issue the piece has is that you've obviously chosen the words and the language to fit the rythm and rhyme schemes.

There are times when it is even difficutl to understand what you're trying to say. And other times when we know what you're saying, but the language is so convoluted that we can't follow along easily.

Iambic Pentameter should sound like naturally occurring speech. And a Sonnet should read fairly naturally.

Nice work, though. It's a difficult thing to write a sonnet, and a Petrarchian Sonnet is even harder yet.

[InaVegt]

A Petrarchian Sonnet, by Merlin's Beard!

First of all, it's 'guys' as in "What do you GUYS think of this?". 'Guise' means a manner of apearance.I seem to have catched that way of saying guys in a chatroom, and it kinda stuck.


Anyway. Sonnet. You have the rhyme scheme correct. You separate the contect in Octave and Sestet. And you do have ten beats ler line, with the exception of line 7, which has twelve for whatever reason.Fixed that.


Your rhythm is inconsistent. You have to be careful with heavily rhythmic poetry that you don't force the scheme on the words.

For example: "I ask, I look, I search, I find nothing."

The word 'nothing; has its emphasis on the first syllable, not the second. So the beat in that line goes like this:

I ask, I look, I search, I find no-thing.

It gets messed up at the end there. There are a couple of examples of that.I would be interested in hearing them all, if you don't mind telling, does putting a space in between the 'no' and 'thing' work?


Those are quibbles, by and large. Not even Shakespeare's Sonnets are perfect Iambic Pentameter all the time. The main issue the piece has is that you've obviously chosen the words and the language to fit the rythm and rhyme schemes.

There are times when it is even difficutl to understand what you're trying to say. And other times when we know what you're saying, but the language is so convoluted that we can't follow along easily.

Iambic Pentameter should sound like naturally occurring speech. And a Sonnet should read fairly naturally.

Nice work, though. It's a difficult thing to write a sonnet, and a Petrarchian Sonnet is even harder yet.

Did I mention I'm not a native speaker of English, oh, wait, I just did.

I'm more used to writing prose anyway, and that's in my native tongue.

[Miraqariftsky]

I would be interested in hearing them all, if you don't mind telling, does putting a space in between the 'no' and 'thing' work?


Hullo. More comments coming up shortly.

Try "naught". Means the same as "nothing" but it keeps the rhythm solid.

[truemane]

Hullo. More comments coming up shortly.

Try "naught". Means the same as "nothing" but it keeps the rhythm solid.

That won't work. It'll mess up both the rhythm and the ryhme scheme.

Gezina: Putting a space between the 'no' and the 'thing' fixes up the rhythm just fine, but it obscures the sense. We don't really say "I found no thing" in English. It sounds funny. That's why we have the word 'nothing.'

What made you write this sonnet? Were you just messing around one day and there it was? The biggest issue with it is that you don't really seem to have anything to say.

I need a horse. Now I've got one. The End.

Now, not every poem needs to be a deep philosophical inquiry into the nature of existance, but if you're just going lay down a sonnet about something as simple as wanting a horse the language should be really clear and direct.

And I realize that you're not an native speaker, but even so.

If I were you I would put this one away and write a sonnet about how you FELT about writing this one.

:)