Space Marine Commandments ~ W40k Fun

[Venox]

I saw this list over at 40konline (http://www.40konline.com/mos/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=670&Itemid=756) and thought this would be fun to share and see if anyone else would come up with some of their own funny ones to add. :smallwink: For anyone who's familiar to Warhammer 40,000 lore...these should be obvious.

Space Marine Commandments:

1. Thou shalt not refer to the Adeptus Soritas as "Bolter B*tch*s," nor shalt thou go anywhere near our sisters during the time of the "Red Rage," lest thou wishes to be the first human to enter orbit without the aid of a shuttle.

2. Orks are not "cute."

3. Thou shalt not make jokes about the Imperial Guard's weapons.

4. Thou shalt not replace the Librarian's staff with a magic wand.

5. Thou shalt not tip the Terminators over during battle.

6. Thou shalt not do Spock impersonations around Eldar.

7. C-3P0 is not a Necron ambassador.

8. You shall not dare others to eat Squigs.

9. No, you cannot "take the Titan for a spin."

10. Thou shalt not use thy multi-meltas to light campfires. (in a similar manner, thou shalt not use the Terminator Captain's chainfist to open tins of baked beans)

11. Thou shalt not bribe the Inquisitor to bring down Exterminatus on your ex-wife.

12. Thou shalt not refer to the Rhino transports as "pimp wagons," nor shalt thou use the phrase, "If the Rhino be rockin, don't come a knockin."

13. The Chapter Master is not a "drag."

14. Thou shall not use Power Swords to cut your food.

15. Thou shall not ask a Sister if you might "donate some of your own Gene-Seed."

16. Thou shall not throw soap at nurglings.

17. Thou shalt not put a "kick me" sign on the Golden Throne.

18. Thou shalt not refer to the Machine Spirit as "Cruise Control".

19. Thou shalt not stick a 'Honk if you think I'm sexy' sticker on the Sisters' Rhino.

20. Thou shalt not honk if thy sees a sticker saying 'Honk if you think I'm sexy' on a Sister's Rhino.

21. Thou shalt not unplug the Golden Throne just "for laughs".

22. Thou shalt not make the Emperor read your palms, or call upon him as "Miss Cleo".

Remember: As much as I'd like to say I did, I didn't come up with these on my own. ;p Kudos to the original author from 40konline, not me.

[Altharis]

23. Dark Eldar are not "goth".
24. Nor are they "punk".
25. You shall not refer to your chapter as a "frat".
26. The Librarian is not a "Blaster".
27. Nor will he "buff" you if you ask him to.
28. Saying "heal plz" or "rez plz" near the Chaplain will result in crozius-bashing.

More to come later.

[Storm Bringer]

29: thy shalt not refer to the Emperors Most Holy Strike Cruisers as "ma ride".
30: Nor shalt thy refer to the valours decorations of your power armour as "bling"
31: the golden throne is NOT "tacky"
32: the keeping of Termaguants as "pets" is strictly forbidden.
33: thunderhawk pilots are asked to refain from shouting "YEE-HAWWWW!" during rocket assisted take-offs
34: It is not apropate to refer to the Most Glorious Imperial Guard as "cannon fodder".
35: if any imperial guard are present.
36: Do not offer giant mecha anime to tau forces in an effort to instill jelousy
37: Do not try and comminicate with the Adpetus Mechanicus in binary.
38: the Imperial Inquistion does not consider the foul oduors of you fellow battle brothers sufficent reason to execute him as a heratic.
39: the correct form of address to a Salamander chapter marine is "Hail, brother", NOT " 'sup, homie?"

[Venox]

Edit: Lets redo these numbers. XD

40. Thou shall not strap Imperial Guardsmen to vehicles as "meat-shields".

41. Thou shall not refer to Librarian's as 'nerds'.

42. Thou shall not use bionic optics implants to spy on the Sisters' dressing rooms.

43. Thou shall not ask the Adeptus Mechanicus to "PIMP MY LAND RAIDER!".

44. Thou shall not try to communicate with Necrons in the ancient "C++" .

45. Thou shall not use Power Fists in "Rock, Paper, Scissors".

46. Thou shall not use acid spit to gain ahead of others in the cafeteria line.

47. Thou shall not yell "LEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOYYYYYY JJJJJEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKKKKIIII IIIIIINNNNNNNNSSSS!" while charging the enemy lines.

48. Thou shall not use thy melta-guns to light campfires.

49. Thou shall not make remarks about the physical appearance of Sisters'.

50. Thou shall beware of bird poo when greater daemon of Tzeentch is around.

51. Thou shall not challenge a Daemon Prince to a fist fight.

52. Thou shall not use a looted Terrorfex for Halloween.

53. Thou shall not replace the Commissars' comm-link with a plasma grenade for a laugh.

54. Thou shall never laugh at the laughing god.

55. Thou shall not use the Lasgun to carve names into the Land Raiders.

56. Thou shall not assume that because you can take a bolter hit in the head, the Guardsmen over there can too.

57. Thou shall not call Ork "Killa Kan's" R2-D2's older brother.

58. Thou shall not flirt with the Banshee. They are the enemy.

59. Thou can not date a Dark Eldar Wych. They are the enemy too.

60. Thou shall not jump on the back of a Dreadnought in battle to see how long you can stay on.

61. Thou shall not think Genestealers are trying to steal his denim pants.

62. Thou shall not use the Lasgun as an actual flashlight.

63. Thou shall not play Hangman with the Inquisitor.

64. Thou shall not punch an Imperial Guardsman in the head, just because "It makes a funny noise."

65. Thou shall not mutilate plastic toy soldiers with plastic Tyranids when Imperial Guardsmen are present.

66. Thou shall not perform daredevil stunts in the Rhino. Especially if thine bretheren are in the back!

[Altharis]

67. Just because no one expects the Imperial Inquistion, that does not mean you have the right to say so over and over again.
68. But only if in their most holy presence.
69. Praying to the most unholy chaos god Nurgle is not a "good way to cure STD's". It is heresy, and results in burning.
70. Sisters carrying flamers are not "So Hawt!".
71. Even if they are rather fetching.

[Venox]

72. Thou shall not throw the followers of Nurgle a bar of soap instead of a frag grenade.

[Altharis]

73. Even Especially if the desperately need a wash.

[Askaris]

74. Thou shalt not refer to Khârn the Betrayer as "One Helluva Guy."

[Storm Bringer]

one more:

75: thou shalt not pester edlar farseers for the lottery numbers of nexts weeks draw.

[YPU]

76: thou shalt not consider tau weapons to be toys just because they are made from plastic.

[GolemsVoice]

77: Just because the accursed orcs do it, thou shalt not use thine servitors as "footballs". The same goeth for the glorious Imperial Guard

[Askaris]

78. Thou Shalt Not attempt to joyride a Tau Crisis suit, no matter how much posterior you believe you may kick with it.

79. Thou Shalt Not observe the size of Tau weaponry and speak Thusly:


"Compensating for something there?"

[PhallicWarrior]

80. The book "Summoning Daemons for Fun and Profit" does not exist.

81. I do not care how funny your brothers think it is, dousing yourself in koolaid and running throughout the fortress shouting "Blood for the Blood God" is not permitted.

[Venox]

82. Thou shalt not mistake the Harlequin's Kiss for some fruity clown prank.

[Artemician]

83. Thou shalt not scrawl rude messages to thine enemies on thy suit of Powered Armour, for such obscenity is offensive to the resident Machine Spirit, and also throws the Sergeant out of whack at Dress Parades.

84. Thou shalt also not use thine Melanochrome glands to write similiar rude messages on thine skin directly.

85. The Imperial Navy is not your private courier service.

[PlasticSoldier]

86. Thou shalt not refer to a Tyranid invasion as a "Zerg Rush".