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Button Jockey
2008-01-16, 12:25 PM
As a DM I've always struggled with coming up with racial jokes. I find racism distasteful, but it is a very effective way to insult. So with DnD so racially diverse, I always find myself trying to think of what one race might say about another to insult them. So if everyone could post some of their favorite jokes about the DnD races.

The following dialog took place, loudly, in a tavern in a mountain mining community.

Zaius: "Hey Domrein! What's uglier than a dwarf?!"

Domrein: "I don't know. What?"

Zaius: "[I]Two[I] Dwarfs!"

The result was a violent conflict of fists.

(The pluralization of Dwarf was said wrong on purpose)

Theli
2008-01-16, 12:29 PM
It's all fun and games till an elf's sexuality is question.


Then it just gets dumb. Really. It's unimaginative and perpetuates the tired stereotype of asshat gamers. We don't need anymore of that.

(Hey, you know it's coming. Consider that my pre-emptive shaming.)

valadil
2008-01-16, 01:01 PM
How do you tell an orc's dog from his wife?
You don't!

How does an orc tell his dog from his wife?
He don't either!
- or - One foams at the mouth, poops on the floor, and walks on all fours, and the other one wags it's tail when its happy to see you.

Halflings should insist that they are normal people, and actual humans are to be referred to as doublings or biglings.

It's pretty easy to insult dwarven women since they look just like the men, and incidentally just like a horse's ass. You can also mock their names pretty easily. Make up something new each time you address the dwarf based on the following prefixes and suffixes:
Prefixes: gold, stone, axe, steel, red, ham, iron
Suffixes: maul, beard, axe, crusher, smasher, basher, helm
For extra credit, use "son of." For instance "Ironbeard, son of Hamcrusher" is a perfect dwarven name. Only use it once though. You need to come up with something new from the formula each time you address the dwarf.

I wouldn't insult humans just for being humans. Insult their home city instead.

Also, if you want to get really silly with the racism, apply meaningless real life examples. Like, you can always offer the elf fried chicken, watermelon, and 40z malt liquor. Or assume the gnome is good at math. Etc.

Tokiko Mima
2008-01-16, 02:37 PM
Q: What do you call 12 half-orcs standing together?
A: One full set of teeth.



Q: How many elves does it take to screw in a lightbulb (or "light crystals" if you want to avoid adding a modern twist)?
A: Elves don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in trees.



A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar in Bree and find their way to a bar stool.

After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear an elf joke?"

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is an elf, the bouncer is an elf and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb. elf with incredible sword skills . What's more, the person sitting next to me is an elf and he's the most skilled archer in Middle-Earth. The lady to your right is an elf, and she's the Queen of Lothlorien."

"Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Basically, you can substitute elves as the focus of almost any blonde joke. Depending on the type of prejudice you want to display, you can also switch in another race.

This joke is an example of a good universal plug in.


Q: What do you call 12 --->>> Insert race Here <<<--- standing in a row ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Chronos
2008-01-16, 03:15 PM
We did a thread like this last October. My favorite came from Randel (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=3423588#post3423588):
Human: Hey elf, you look like a girl.
Elf: To a human, everything must look like a girl.
Human: What?
Elf: Half-orcs, half-ogres...
Human: ... shut up.
Dwarf: Half-dragons, half-kobolds.
Human: I said shut up!
Elf: ...
Dwarf: ...
Human: ...
Elf: Centaurs.

Swooper
2008-01-16, 04:07 PM
Why do orc females always wear high heels?

So they don't hurt their knuckles dragging them along the ground! :smalltongue: