Moon Called will return in a month...

[The Bushranger]

MC forgot to let her mom know she was going to the mall with her friends after school today...and has been grounded for a month as a result. She asked me to let y'all know this, please keep my imouto in your thoughts and prayers.

[Haruki-kun]

For a MONTH?

Man! That's bad....

[Inigo Montoya]

Dang. Well, She'll be in my thoughts this weekend. Give her my regards.

[The Bushranger]

Apparently when she got home, her mom was frantically out looking for her...

Not sure if she'll be able to get on from school this time. Hopefully after her mom simmers down the sentence will be reduced. I can only pray...

[Em Blackleaf]

Holy Fudge! That's a long time! I could hardly handle being gone for three days! :smallfrown:
I hope MC's mom shortens or lifts the sentence.

[Lady Tialait]

MC's poor mental health...*pets a MC plushie*

[Gaelbert]

Holy Fudge! That's a long time! I could hardly handle being gone for three days! :smallfrown:

Physics couldn't keep you occupied?
We will never speak of this again.:smalltongue:
And, wow. That is a long time. A whole month seems a lot longer when you're deprived of something special. Seriously, that's crazy. I hope she can cope and somehow shorten the sentence. Come back soon!:smallfrown:

[North]

I think Mooncalled may need a "See You Later" thread stickied. :smallbiggrin:

[Reinboom]

Not to mean offense, and it's nice to know that someone is gone, and I do feel bad that they are... but...
It was her fault that she was grounded... why are we holding her in our thoughts and other board objectionable content that is presented that clearly marks a form of respect one would give someone that is either ill, dying, or need of help that is outside of their will or control?

It's a bad thing that she is gone, but, I just can't provide more than that in thought.:smallconfused:

Sorry. =/

[wadledo]

Not to mean offense, and it's nice to know that someone is gone, and I do feel bad that they are... but...
It was her fault that she was grounded... why are we holding her in our thoughts and other board objectionable content that is presented that clearly marks a form of respect one would give someone that is either ill, dying, or need of help that is outside of their will or control?

It's a bad thing that she is gone, but, I just can't provide more than that in thought.:smallconfused:

Sorry. =/

Ditto.:smallconfused:

[Dallas-Dakota]

Not to mean offense, and it's nice to know that someone is gone, and I do feel bad that they are... but...
It was her fault that she was grounded... why are we holding her in our thoughts and other board objectionable content that is presented that clearly marks a form of respect one would give someone that is either ill, dying, or need of help that is outside of their will or control?

It's a bad thing that she is gone, but, I just can't provide more than that in thought.:smallconfused:

Sorry. =/

Double ditto.

[Keris]

Not to mean offense, and it's nice to know that someone is gone, and I do feel bad that they are... but...
It was her fault that she was grounded... why are we holding her in our thoughts and other board objectionable content that is presented that clearly marks a form of respect one would give someone that is either ill, dying, or need of help that is outside of their will or control?

It's a bad thing that she is gone, but, I just can't provide more than that in thought.:smallconfused:

Sorry. =/

Mainly because the punishment seems out of proportion. MC will be unable to get on for a month, because she messed up on one occasion. While it may be not be appropriate to hold her in the same position as people who are ill/dying/in need of help, she can still be missed.

[Tempest Fennac]

I take it that she either uses someone elses computer, or she cn't use one at her house whenshe's grounded, right? I'd have to agree with Keris Rain about it being a ridiculous punishment considering the circumstances (incidentally, how old is Moon Called? I would assume that her forgetting to mention something like that would only bea problem if she was less then 13 years old).

[The Bushranger]

Her exact words to me were "cut off from outside contact for a month". Which means (I presume) both computer useage at home, and contact with her RL friends as well...

Also, it's been a really crappy week for her as well, seeing as she had a terrible cold, missed two days of school at the end of the semester because of it, and had to have her cat put down yesterday.

And on top of that the punishment being far out of proportion to the crime...

Maybe I'm too soft-hearted or something...but when one of my friends is feeling bad, I feel absolutely terrible. So when my imouto has this kind of week, well, I want her to have all the help she can get.

[Ceska]

It was her fault that she was grounded... why are we holding her in our thoughts and other board objectionable content that is presented that clearly marks a form of respect one would give someone that is either ill, dying, or need of help that is outside of their will or control?/
First, I actually agree with you. It is her own fault that she was punished.

Then again, I understand Bushranger, since the punishment itself seems out of proportion to me.

But somehow I get the feeling of a déjà (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=65688) vu (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=61419), from this thread.

And quite some more I remember of her complaining that she doesn't really get along with her mother and siblings.

[Zeb The Troll]

Mainly because the punishment seems out of proportion. MC will be unable to get on for a month, because she messed up on one occasion. While it may be not be appropriate to hold her in the same position as people who are ill/dying/in need of help, she can still be missed.My memory may be faulty, I am old after all, but I don't think this is a "one time occasion". Seems I recall other threads about similar circumstances lately. And as a parent, I don't even think I'd say this is out of proportion with the crime. We're only hearing her version of the story. Perhaps "I forgot to say I was going to the mall after school" was more accurately "I still wasn't home three hours after I was expected to be and my parents didn't know where I was and had no way to find me or contact me". I somehow doubt mother would be out looking frantically if she were just ten minutes late.

When my daughter was her age I would be mightily upset if she failed to be wherever she told me she was going to be. It's a worrisome thing for a parent to not know where your children are in this day and age (especially if said child is a young girl) and it's important enough to make an impression about how important it is that I don't think drastic punishment for the sake making that impression is uncalled for at all.

But that's me.

[Emperor Ing]

MC forgot to let her mom know she was going to the mall with her friends after school today...and has been grounded for a month as a result. She asked me to let y'all know this, please keep my imouto in your thoughts and prayers.

:smallconfused: im just curious as to HOW you aquired this information.
edit @V: okay.
Moon called, good luck.

[The Bushranger]

She sent me a frantic PM before her mom got home, and then another (presumably "last request") PM after her mother returned, asking me to let everyone know that she'd be gone.

I don't go airing everything people tell me privately out here in public here on the boards. But I guess I should clarify things a little bit. :smallannoyed:

From what she said, it seems that, having recovered enough from her cold to go to school yesterday, she didn't remember that she'd arranged to go to the arcade after school with her friends, and didn't realise she'd forgotten to tell her mom until she got back home and found her gone. And then couldn't remember her mom's cellphone number to let her know she was safe.

[Tempest Fennac]

Thanks for telling me. I can see why she'd forget something like that considering what her week was like. I don't think the other 2 occasions sounded relevant to tis unless her mother just likes being awkward (unless Moon Called was missing something out, I fail to see how spending too much time on a forum can be a problem, and I fail to see how banning someone from doing something they like can have any real effect on a subject that the person may naturally be weak in).

[Gem Flower]

I agree. I'm mostly addicted to the Internet, and, with no false modesty, I do REALLY well in school. Ahem. On a more related topic; If you're not back in a month, I'll find out where you live and kidnap you and take you back to the Playground! Well, we'll miss you, Moon Called.:smallfrown:

[Tempest Fennac]

Now that I think about it, If MC's mother didn't have time to help her with maths herself, couldn't she try fidning games on the internet which would help before getting MC to take dated screen prints of her performances? That actually stands a good chance of actually having some benefit (turning it into a punishment seems especially ridiculous considering how it was implied that MC's other grades were okay).

[Miraqariftsky]

To Moon Called

May ever well be thy way ye wend
And ever glorious be thy end
Long ye not nor overmuch pine
For friends so true, long-sundered, we
Ever thee, in our hearts shall be
Moan ye not nor groan over thy dam's fine
For she loves ye more
Than ever we could confess
Forbearance, I beg ye to profess
Dig well the Dean's lore
Earn back her trust
Be not afire with wanderlust
Fear not the cold nor the dark
In prayer, in pledge, in sighing thought
Here we'll ever hold thee, this sanctum wrought
Of friends' wellwishes, of songs of sighing, hark!

[Syka]

I'm with the others in that, while regretable, wasn't entirely out of MC's hands. For one, I can buy the forgetting but there had to have been someone she could have gotten in contact with for her moms number.

Second it is NOT inappropriate to stop someone from doing something that takes up an inordinate amount of time when other areas of their life are suffering, such as school. They might be weak in the area, but that usually means that by devoting a little extra time to it, they can bring the grade up.

And not all people can be addicted to something and maintain good grades.

So I'm with the others and am siding with MC's mom. This coming from a girl who was grounded from the internet more than once in high school.

Cheers,
Syka

[Tom_Violence]

Ah, to be young and never ever allowed outside. Them were the days. Seriously though, this person has it lucky. I remember once I was ten minutes late for dinner and my parents locked me in a tiny closet. At the bottom of a lake!

[Em Blackleaf]

Not to mean offense, and it's nice to know that someone is gone, and I do feel bad that they are... but...
It was her fault that she was grounded... why are we holding her in our thoughts and other board objectionable content that is presented that clearly marks a form of respect one would give someone that is either ill, dying, or need of help that is outside of their will or control?

It's a bad thing that she is gone, but, I just can't provide more than that in thought.:smallconfused:

Sorry. =/
Good point. My parents would be very worried if I did something like that. However, less worried if I left a note or something.
I sympathize with both MC and her mom, with the fact that my parents would do something similar in my case, and I hate not being online.


Physics couldn't keep you occupied?
We will never speak of this again.:smalltongue:...
Haha. :smalltongue: You Stalker. :P

[bosssmiley]

"Out w. friends at mall" > fridge magnet > fridge door != rocket science :smallamused:

[FdL]

The "keep her in our thoughts and prayers" thing was a bit too much, IMHO. It's the kind of thing you say when someone is ill or hospitalized with a risk of death...

This is just a minor thing, and one that she brought upon herself, dunno. I hope she comes back soon, of course. But I trust her mom's judgement.

And regarding this kind of things happening to her regularly, if her parents do think she spends too much time in the net and that it is a bad thing for her, I understand that they try to prevent it. I'm addicted to it myself, and being an adult man I can see the negative things it can bring, even more for a teenager.

[Kaelaroth]

Oh well. Let her know that we'll still be here. Waiting. Watching. :smallamused:

[Raistlin1040]

Being a semi-rebellious teenager myself, and having read a few parenting books to anticipate my mom's reaction to stuff I do, I'd have to say Moon Called's mom is probably at fault.

Allow me to elaborate. I know from experiance that when a parent is worried, they overreact. If I show up an hour late from school, they would be worried, and probably ground me for a month. But the next day, they'd come in and ask why I was late. "I was studying at Will's house, and lost track of time. Sorry." They'd tell me to not do it again, but probably shorten the sentace to a few days. I don't have a cell phone, and I assume neither does MC. If she did, her mom could have called her.

Teenagers screw up. We do it multiple times daily. And there are a million things she could do worse than going out with her friends and forgetting to call. And seriously, a month? A month with no computer, and presumably no RL friend contact.

It's ok to care about your child and try to protect them. Smothering them by overreacting to problems and barring them from social contact of any sort? Not as ok.

[Tarnag40k]

Wow

that makes me feel grateful for the fact that i can go where I want when I want to an be home when I want to, but then again If I ever mess up bigtime I'm on my own.

But Seriously different parents react differently, one of my friends is 17 and has to be home by supper and then is limited till like 8 or so unless it's a special situation. Actually It's like that with a lot of my friends, which is sad because i'm free at night and they aren't.

I've notice that restrictions get tighter as you get older in the adolescence age, as parents start to fear more and more of their children becoming degenerates and losing control of them they start to either A. tighten the reins or B. Go into Deception and watch everything you do, calling other parents to see if you are where you are supposed to, or getting on computers to look up website history, and calling phone companys for their text messages.

Another Friend of mine has been subject to this and we have came across his moms car across the road at from places we were and following us once while i was driving.

I lost her and he got punished for it. Why? because we "weren't where he said we would be" even though we were, we just took another route, and we believe she couldn't find the place so she just "assumed" he wasn't there.

Parents are kooks and chances are, when we become one we probably will become one to.

That sounds depressing.

[Traveling_Angel]

Oo, highly situational things going happening.

As a teenager, I feel great to be blessed with a set of memory tactics that can keep the really important stuff in my head, and a very active conscience (Little Voice: "Does mom know where I am?"), as well as a certain weekly/daily routine that my parents know to a second. Any variance flies by them first, and then I commit.

Is MC at fault? Yes. She left a parent hanging on uncertainty, which is a recipe for disaster bigger then a gigantic meteorite.

Is her mother? Yes and no.

Personally, I think grounding to be the worst form of punishment in the parent arsenal. Teens don't have the right brain development to completely recognize consequences, and often walk into deterrents several times. Cutting off a particularly social person (which Moon Called appears to be) from all friends should be filed under cruel and unusual punishment. That sort of thing puts a negative spin on their emotions (which should already be down) and then to go for a month? It's like like reading bad novels aloud to a professional writer. Not to mention this is a teen, who are almost by definition emotional.

However, given the repetitions, I would say that escalating punishments is a good idea.

[North]

I can think of many worse things then grounding....

[Traveling_Angel]

I can think of many worse things then grounding....

I mean worst as in least effective.

[North]

I mean worst as in least effective.

Ah I am now picking up what you were laying down.

Agreed then.

[Tempest Fennac]

That is disturbing, Tarnag40k. The sad thing is that most of the idea that teenagers are likely to become criminals is mainly due to moral panics as opposed to real problems (I remember reading in Bill Bryson's "The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid" that the idea that teenagers are dangerous to society has been around since the '50s dispite a complete lack of any real data which suggeste that they were a problem). Admittedly, I really hate the idea of having children, so this will be a non-issue for me.

[Midnight Son]

I just realized that this is an awful lot like a soap opera. All that's missing is for it to turn out that she's Trog's long lost daughter, stolen by pirates in infancy.

Next, on As the Moon Called...http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a122/Dwarf71/Smileys/incognito.gif

[Zeb The Troll]

Being a semi-rebellious teenager myself, and having read a few parenting books to anticipate my mom's reaction to stuff I do, I'd have to say Moon Called's mom is probably at fault.

Allow me to elaborate. I know from experiance that when a parent is worried, they overreact. If I show up an hour late from school, they would be worried, and probably ground me for a month. But the next day, they'd come in and ask why I was late. "I was studying at Will's house, and lost track of time. Sorry." They'd tell me to not do it again, but probably shorten the sentace to a few days. I don't have a cell phone, and I assume neither does MC. If she did, her mom could have called her.

Teenagers screw up. We do it multiple times daily. And there are a million things she could do worse than going out with her friends and forgetting to call. And seriously, a month? A month with no computer, and presumably no RL friend contact.

It's ok to care about your child and try to protect them. Smothering them by overreacting to problems and barring them from social contact of any sort? Not as ok.1. I fail to see how reading parenting books makes you a better parent than Mother Moon Called. Being a kid in no way qualifies you to raise them. Ask any kid who's had one.

2. Reading parenting books as a teen only helps to predict the reactions of people who've read the books. Maybe they're your parents' books and that's why you read them. Good for you, they are indeed a wealth of information. However, no single book has been or ever will be the be all and end all of how to be the best parent for every child.

3. You know from experience that your parents, and possibly your friends' parents, overreact. You do not have sufficient experience to be able to predict Mother Moon Called's parental habits. You cannot declare unequivocally that "parents will overreact".

4. We still haven't heard, nor are we likely to, Mother Moon Called's side of the story and therefore can't have any sort of conclusive discussion. To use a math analogy, we have (a + b= c) where a represents Moon Called's actions, b represents Mother Moon Called's reasoning, and c represents the punishment. Since we're shaky on a and have no knowledge of b, we have no way of determining whether or not c is above or below any sort of proportional threshold (which is in itself arbitrarily defined by each individual). Savvy?

Each child reacts to different forms and severity of discipline. When I was growing up spanking wasn't considered child abuse, it was good parenting. But my sister never responded to it. It had no effect on her (it worked for me though, let me tell you). So when she mistepped she got the lecture from my mother instead. She hated that. Grounding never really worked for any of us because we were the type of kids who could be perfectly happy stuck in our room for a week except for meals. We had friends, though, that feared grounding far more than the switch.

On the severity side (an odd example but an appropriate one) I've seen toddlers, who you can't ground or lecture because they just won't understand, laugh at their parents when they got their hands spanked for reaching for the electrical outlets. The child had to be swatted solidly on the thigh to get his attention (of course spanking the diaper rarely accomplishes anything for anyone).

My point is that maybe, just maybe, Mother Moon Called ::gasp:: actually knows how to parent her daughter and none of us are in a position to say that she's doing it wrong. So until I hear that she's opted for a form of punishment that's actually harmful, either physically or emotionally (no, I don't believe that being barred from the internet is emotionally traumatic, I didn't have an internet until I was an adult and I turned out just fine) I'm going to side with parental charter.

As a closing thought, it's entirely possible that I'm way off base as I'm extracting my rant from my own personal experiences. However, those experiences include nearly 20 years being a father, being a licensed care giver[1] for a time, seven years as an NCO[2] responsible for the health and welfare of no small number of young men and women who'd never before been away from the protective wings of their parents, and also having been a child and teenager myself. So I have a solid platform from which to spew my venom, as Brickwall puts it. :smallcool:

[1]This involved collegiate level coursework that included practical application.
[2]Non-Commissioned Officer - this is a series of enlisted ranks (in the Army, Air Force, and Marine Corps they are called Sergeants and in the Navy they are called Petty Officers).

[Tempest Fennac]

I know that having the whole story is a problem, but I fail to see how punishing someone for (presumably) being weak at a subject or failing to mention your plans after you've already had a really bad week is supposed to help with the problem (my stance tends to be that if you can't think of a constructive solution to weaknesses/problems, you're better off staying out of it or asking someone else for advice on how to counter the issues). Also, I'd personally say that losing internet access would be a severe punishment due to how much I use it.

[Zeb The Troll]

Again, I can't speak for the parents, but I can conjure some instances where I would consider these actions as appropriate in my own dealings as a parent.

To wit, when my daughter was about MC's age, she signed on with a cheer and gymnastics troup in our area. This was fine. She needed the activity and the social interaction. Her (coincidentally) math started to suffer. She was told that if she wasn't able to improve her math grades, she wasn't going to be able to participate in cheer until she did. She wasn't able to do it, so she had to quit. By eliminating cheer from her schedule (it was no less than four nights a week, more if a competition was coming up) she was able to spend the time she needed to honing her math skills until she was no longer failing. At first she was horribly upset and didn't see the connection, but at the end of the year she'd gotten over it somewhat because she wasn't going to have to repeat that class.

To translate that into MC's issue, it sounds as if her mother felt that the forums were taking too much time away from her studies. (I'll be honest, I didn't read that thread.)

Now, that clearly doesn't apply here. What I read here is that her mother needs to send a message. And it needs to be received and not shrugged off. This is something that is important to her and is one of the fights she feels she needs to pick and not let slide. Perhaps shorter durations have been tried or maybe she just knows that Moon Called won't 'get the message' with only a week or two absence.

I'd say for certain that, even if spankings weren't taboo, MC is far too old for that to be an effective method. I also find it likely that MC, at this point, is capable of tuning out a lecture entirely and nodding occasionally to make it look like she's listening. Certainly there may be alternatives that would work too, but not everyone knows every conceivable method of getting a point across in a concrete way. What this does do, as it stands, is solidify that there are consequences to not doing as you're asked. If you never enforce an edict, your edicts will never be respected. As such, this is a constructive solution to the problem of making it known that this thing I've asked of you is vital and not following through will not be tolerated.

Again, to clarify, I'm not trying to belittle MC's rough week, and I do feel bad for her that the timing is as it was, but not so bad that I think her mother is a horrible person or in any way out of line. The fact is that she feels this thing needs to be enforced, likely for MC's own safety, and that necessity outweighs any pity that she might feel. And in fact, I'd say that MC's rough week made it even MORE important that her family be aware of her plans and location at all times, lest she doing something harmful to herself as an impulsive reaction to what happened. A rule of thumb is to never leave a saddened teen alone with their hormones.

Summary - just because the reasons for the actions taken aren't readily apparent doesn't mean that the reasons don't exist. And her parents are in no way obligated to explain these reasons to us.

[Tempest Fennac]

I'd say that it's absolutely necessesary for parents (and everyone else in positions of authority) to explain why they do things (as far as their children are concerned) due to the fact that they have authority in the first place (in theory, this would stop them abusing their authority while resulting in them being more constructive). Incidentally, how old in Moon Called? If she was under 14, I could understand how it would be a problem, but if she's older then that, it wouldn't be that much of an issue (especially since I'mcerain that MC's mother doesn't have a perfect memory either). Besides, how would punishing someone for forgetting something have any effect on improving their memory? Also, how were teenage hormones really relevant to this considering how a vast majority of people would be really upset over those circumstances?
Also, would increasing study time always work? I would have thought that some methods would work better with some people then with others (eg: with maths, having someone explain whatever your struggling with would probably help more then expecting someone to keep reading about it until it clicks, especially if you're stopping them from doing somehing that they enjoy doing over it (the fact is that everyon needs some downtime, and it's subjective aout what works for them).
To be honest, I'm mainly taking MC's side due to how I've found that my parents (and a lot of others) take an "I'm an adult, so I'm right so I don't need to bother with being constructive when there's a problem" stance rather then being right about things because they actually are right. If MC doesn't get on with her family for some reason, there's a good chance that her mother would be overly harsh due to that as well. Also, the fact that MC turned out to be with friends meant she wasn't on her own anyway (it would be helpful if we knew how late home she actually was in this case). I suppose getting MC a cheap cell phone would have been a good idea if her mther was genuinly worrid about her safety while she's out.

[Zeb The Troll]

If my memory is working correctly, she is 14 so right on the cusp that you're talking about. And on that point I agree with you that often times explaining the reasoning behind the rule (not necessarily the punishment but I can see this also) is an important ingredient in getting the point across. If a teen understands why it's important for them to keep their parents informed or why you shouldn't stick a fork in an electrical outlet, they're more likely to be willing to toe the line (assuming they don't find it a ridiculous reason, but that's another point altogether). When I said they were under no obligation to explain it, I only meant to us here on the forums. Whether they explain it to her or not is their prerogative, but clearly we here have no reasonable expectation to hear it from them.

Would increasing study time always work? Of course not. Nothing always works. Would it help in this case? We're not in a position to be that judge. If it were me as a teen, yes. I tended to finish most of my course work in class and so didn't need to bring it home. However, if I were struggling with a subject, I might not have brought that home either because I had other, more fun things, to do. So in that vein, making me actually have to stay home and do my homework would have been helpful, regardless of the subject.

As for getting someone to explain it to you, I can't count the number of times I looked at my daughter's report cards or got messages from concerned teachers informing me that she's struggling and having to ask her "Why didn't you tell me you were having trouble with this?" At one point we had to send her to school with a planner and we made her write down her assignments for each class and then she had to have her teachers sign the planner confirming that this was indeed the case. Then when she got home, I'd go over the homework with her and make sure it was completed and that she was understanding what she'd done because she'd gotten into the habit of just telling me she didn't have any homework in that class or that she'd done it already. Again, making her stay home and do her homework in place of doing other more enjoyable things would have been appropriate.

To address your last paragraph, not explaining why you're doing something doesn't mean you're not right. I can think of a few reasons not to do so. Like occasions where I had trouble explaining my thought process and the timeframe for the decision was short. For example -

Bele: Dad, can I do blah blah blah with my friends after school today.
Me: I'm sorry honey, not today.
B: Why not?!? :smallfrown:
Me: I don't have time to explain it right now because you have to leave for school and I have to go to work.

- however I don't think that's quite what you're talking about. Or when having the explanation would cause a bigger problem. An off topic example to this would be explaining how you learned some bit of information would be a good way to make sure that that source if intelligence is lost. But frankly sometimes parents just don't feel that they should have to explain anything to their kids and that their kids should just trust them to be making decision that are in their best interests. I don't personally agree with this mode, but truthfully it's not any of my business.

[Tempest Fennac]

Thanks for telling me (I initially misread what you'd said about explaining things when I first made the comment, but then I modified it to only cover your own children). I can see how being 14 would be a bit of a problem in this case (I still think grounding her for a week would have been ample given mitigating circumstances or 2 weeks, or possibly 3 weeks if she was really late, if her week had been normal). Using a planner sounds like a good idea in that case (why did she have problems with telling you she was having problems? Assuming she thought you'd be likely to help rather then getting angry, I can't see any reasons why she wouldn't tell you).
In regards to explanations, I believe that you should be completely honest with people at all times to avoid trust issues (in theory). In that case, a very brief explanation would be helpful, but a lack of notice could be a problem (eg: "I'm sorry but I've got plans which will stop me from being able to pick you up afterwards" or "we're all going out later so you can't" would be enough of an explanation).

[Zeb The Troll]

(why did she have problems with telling you she was having problems? Assuming she thought you'd be likely to help rather then getting angry, I can't see any reasons why she wouldn't tell you).That very question boggles me to this day. I've never been one to chide someone for having trouble with schooling. Far better to find a way to help them. Either help them yourself or, if you don't have the needed strength in the topic either, then find someone who can. In my case, I've always been strong in math, I have a friend who's got a masters degree in journalism with a poli-sci focus and whose husband is a history buff with his own masters in accounting. Another friend has some sort of creative writing degree (the correct title of which is escaping me at the moment). Suffice it to say that I could have found her very willing and capable help in most any topic. Speaking of topics, I'm straying a bit. Allow me to get back to this one.

In regards to explanations, I believe that you should be completely honest with people at all times to avoid trust issues (in theory). In that case, a very brief explanation would be helpful, but a lack of notice could be a problem (eg: "I'm sorry but I've got plans which will stop me from being able to pick you up afterwards" or "we're all going out later so you can't" would be enough of an explanation).And here I totally agree with you. But I also feel that it's not my place to tell someone else that they're raising their children wrong (again, short of doing actual harm). A differing opinion does not a bad parent make.

[Tempest Fennac]

It really doesn't make sense that your daughter wouln't talk with you about it. That is a good point (it goes back the idea that what works is purely subjective. It's probably the same with what people consider to be fair). Do you know anything about why MC and her mother don't get on? Tha could be important in this case.

[Zeb The Troll]

It really doesn't make sense that your daughter wouln't talk with you about it.Just while reading this I had an epiphany on what may have been the cause. I was always a very strong student (while she was in high school I graduated Summa *** Laude from college) and so are most of my acquaintences. She just may not have wanted me/us to think she was "stupid" for having difficulty with some courses.


That is a good point (it goes back the idea that what works is purely subjective. It's probably the same with what people consider to be fair). Do you know anything about why MC and her mother don't get on? Tha could be important in this case.Aside from normal teenager/parent relations, no.

[Jalor]

Just my thoughts on the subject:

Although yes, she should have remembered to notify her mother where she was, that is still no reason for this sort of punishment. Being grounded from both the forums and seeing her friends from school is basically being cut off from all human contact. I have read papers on this subject and I know that humans are social creatures. Studies have been done, and almost everyone thrives on contact with others, even if they don't realize it.

I hate to quote research results, especially ones in which I cannot remember actual statistics, but people whose parents punish them by cutting them off from their friends run the risk of causing everything from depression to speech impediments. Based on the description of her punishment, it seems like she is almost under house arrest, and for a month it is a ridiculous punishment considering her parents probably forget things even more often.

My opinion is probably biased though, because I was always punished harshly as a child. When I was about Moon_Called's age, my mother called the police and reported me missing because I was 30 minutes late from school (bus broke down and we had to walk). I also had parents who never explained their decisions, simply yelling "Because I said so!".

So I've really only ever been on one side of the stick.

[Tempest Fennac]

I never knew about those studies. Do you have any links to them if they are online? (Admittedly, your parents sounded like the opposite of what I'd personally consider a good parent to be, and MC would still be going to school so it wouldn't be complete isolation if she has friends there). That theory coulld be right, Zeb (sadly, without he admitting what the problem was there's no way of proving it, but some people do think like that for some reason).

[Sneak]

My personal thoughts?

Well, I'm not going to get into the whole "Was MC's mom right?" thing, but I'd just like to say that there is probably More To The Story™ than we have been told. All we've heard is MC's brief, rushed, and completely condensed version of the story.

[The Bushranger]

Also, um, guys? This is an interesting and informative conversation and all that...but somehow I'm getting the feeling this isn't exactly going to be a mood-lifter for MC when she gets back online and reads all of this. To me, at least, it's starting* to feel like talking behind someone's back.

* - Well it's felt that way for awhile, actually, but...

[Archonic Energy]

I remember once I was ten minutes late for dinner and my parents locked me in a tiny closet. At the bottom of a lake!

you had it Soft!

i remember i was once 30 seconds late home from school, my dad beat me around the head with a broken bottle.
(i love the "4 yorkshire men" sketch)

[Syka]

Also, um, guys? This is an interesting and informative conversation and all that...but somehow I'm getting the feeling this isn't exactly going to be a mood-lifter for MC when she gets back online and reads all of this. To me, at least, it's starting* to feel like talking behind someone's back.

* - Well it's felt that way for awhile, actually, but...

It's only feeling that way because she isn't here. I'm fairly certain even if she was here to explain it, you would be getting the same reactions.

Plus it would be helpful to know how late she was home. I'm assuming it was more than a reasonable allowance (greater than an hour)? As Zeb said, they might have been worried she was doing something stupid because of the really rough week she's been having.

Also, severe punishment might not make you remember easier, but it makes you think twice before doing something. And that might jog your memory. "I want to go out with my friends. Wait...did I remember to tell mom I was going out?" sort of thing.

Cheers,
Syka