An old friend

[MrEdwardNigma]

Ahem. I guess you all know how this goes. I've got this friend. He used to be one of my best friends, if it weren't for the fact that I don't qualify my friends as better and less good.

Anyways, things are going badly for this friend. the thing is, his life isn't too bad. Not at all in fact. He used to be pretty unpopular, and he was always very gloomy about this, but now he always gets invited to all kinds of parties and he has plenty of friends.

Things in school aren't going that well for him, but this is because he is really lazy, not because he can't handle it (his words, not mine, and the evidence shows he's right).

Because of the fact he failed his exams twice, he's still stuck in high school while I have moved on to college, so I don't really see him that much anymore. And every time I try to hang out with him, he has no time, because of school, or because he needs to finish that computergame he's playing. He apparently doesn't even go to those parties he gets invited too that often anymore.

This means I only get to hear from him through MSN, and can't really make that sure if he's allright. He told me his parents sent him to a shrink, god knows why. But then when he noticed all the shrink did was have him talk a bit and listen, and then ask loads of money for it, he stopped going. He told me he was fine after that and he had "seen the light" or something. He'd basically realised his life wasn't that bad.

And then, a couple of days ago, all of the sudden, he tells me he attacked his sister. Or tried, at least. She was being mean to him or something, and he tried to hit her. He then vagualy said something about being sent to a hospital, his stuff being taken, but him being out now. I have no idea how serious he was being about that.

Now my question is, how do I help this guy?

[Nightwing]

Um...I WAS that kid up until the failed the exams twice part. I was wondering witch one of my friends was on this sight.

[Hazkali]

My advice would be to go and see him in person. For one thing, it sounds like he's not getting a lot of friendly human interaction (especially if he considers finishing a computer game more important that meeting a friend), and also there is no way you are going to get the whole story if you can only talk over MSN.

Once you're there, I can only suggest 'playing it by ear'. If the situation is as bad as you've made out then I think he'll definitely need a close friend to stand by him, but be honest with him as well. It could be that you have to suggest that he returns to seeing a psychiatrist. It could be that you have to be the one to listen to him talk. Or, it could be that all he needs is someone to help him wind down for a couple of days.

[MrEdwardNigma]

My advice would be to go and see him in person. For one thing, it sounds like he's not getting a lot of friendly human interaction (especially if he considers finishing a computer game more important that meeting a friend), and also there is no way you are going to get the whole story if you can only talk over MSN.

Once you're there, I can only suggest 'playing it by ear'. If the situation is as bad as you've made out then I think he'll definitely need a close friend to stand by him, but be honest with him as well. It could be that you have to suggest that he returns to seeing a psychiatrist. It could be that you have to be the one to listen to him talk. Or, it could be that all he needs is someone to help him wind down for a couple of days.

Have I mentioned the part where he keeps putting off meeting me, or pretty much anyone outside school? He doesn't seem to want to talk.

[EmeraldRose]

Unfortunately, the best thing may be for your friend to figure things out on his own. Continue to offer support, but ultimately, he must be the one to decide that change would be a good thing: both in seeking help for anger and in deciding to focus on school and finally get out of high school.

Being available when he decides to accept your support is probably one of the best things that you can do for your friend. It's even possible that he may be looking at all of his old classmates, and seeing everyone move on, while his own actions have left him behind. This could be enough to cause anger in most anyone...after they realize they've done it to themselves.

[Hazkali]

Ah, then I really don't know what to suggest. You could let him know unequivocally that you're there for him should he need you, and then take the pressure off and let him come to you if he needs to. This is probably what I would do in your place, but it relies on the other person admitting that they need to talk. Alternatively, you could force your company on him in an effort to get him to socialise, but if he's defensive, or set against it then that wouldn't be a fun experience for either of you.

EDIT: Emerald Rose's post is far better advice.