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shadow_archmagi
2008-01-29, 07:58 PM
My players (level 5s all around now) have been promised one item each from a seller of cheap magical items. As a bonus, they've already gotten a bag of Beans of Stinking Cloud (bad joke, I know. But really, what was the alternative?)

What other objects should I provide them with as options? Theres four (soon to be five) of them, so if they each get to pick one, I'll want at least ten or more.

shaggz076
2008-01-29, 08:10 PM
A scroll of Resurect self.
Wand of Melfs Acid Trip
Rod of Tasha's screaming hideous orgasm. lol
And a permanent casting of Leomund's invisible faithful girlfriend.

lmao

Solo
2008-01-29, 08:14 PM
"Magical Junk", eh?

Gives a whole new meaning to the spell "Magic Weapon".

13_CBS
2008-01-29, 08:15 PM
"Magical Junk", eh?

Gives a whole new meaning to the spell "Magic Weapon".

Ooh! Is it long and wielded deftly?

Solo
2008-01-29, 08:18 PM
Why yes. It is, after all, a masterwork item.

Jack_Simth
2008-01-29, 08:23 PM
Take a look at the minor magic item table in the DMG - if you grab every item under, say, 500 gp, you'll get a big listing of one-shot items that are generally moderately useful.

Shhalahr Windrider
2008-01-29, 08:26 PM
I hear Scrolls of Icarian Flight are quite trendy this time of year. (I know, not very original)

How about out of tune pipes of the sewers? Get a bunch of tone deaf rats on your side.

Or a deck of many thongs?

Lyre of building that's all g-strings?

Nolzur's marvelous pigs?

A quivering Ehlonna?

A robe made of eyes?

A scroll of it's all the rage? Instant trend-setter there.

Of course you could always give them magical orbs. What to they do? Well, they're magic, you see.
[hr]Seriously?

Well, along the line of Jack Smith's, any 1st level scroll or potion could do. And maybe a few wands with only a charge or two left.

CASTLEMIKE
2008-01-29, 08:26 PM
Cursed "Unlosable" basic magical weapons possibly intelligent and very opinionated so no selling them for the dough even if sold always turn back up which upsets the purchaser.

Glowing obviously magical, vocal, aligned, jewelled weapon like a Dagger that can only be utilized by Fighters or Rogues that relishes being used in combat as per the reduced cost magical item creation rules or a CG prankster quarterstaff (maybe with a permanent mage hand) that can only be used by a Paladin.

A 2 handed sword that can only be used by non multiclassed wizards.

A variant Eternal Wand of Color Spray or Sleep that is only usable 0 - 4 times a day and the DM tracks the charges.

UserClone
2008-01-29, 08:29 PM
I am a huge fan of the ring of Spell Turning. When you activate it (By shouting, "Spell turning!"), spells the word "T-U-R-N-I-N-G!" out loud so all nearby can hear it clearly.

Note: I didn't come up with this, I just love it!

Shhalahr Windrider
2008-01-29, 08:35 PM
Well, along the lines of cursed magical items, I've always been fond of the robe of blending, 5-speed. Woe be to the wearer that sets it to "liquifey." :smallbiggrin:

Actually, a nice joke idea from old editions is the helm of 40-watt brilliance, originally published in Dragon #156. It's a hemet with a crystal on the top. It only works on characters with an Int of 6 or lower. When the DM needs to break out the hint-hammer with regards to the PCs, the crystal glows and the wearer gets a bright idea: "D-uh, guys, maybe it's ah illoozhun!"

Lord Tataraus
2008-01-29, 09:30 PM
I did that once by going to a random item generator and ended up with a bunch of awesome stuff that the players had fun with. What was great was they used their imagination to make them useful (or more so).

Let's see, there was the...
Baton of the Benevolent Berserker - 3/day summon Bob the berserker (str 28, dex 12, con 20, int 30, wis 24, cha 16 *other stuff*)

Metallic Baton - roll d% to determine what the object hit is turned into from mercury and tin to mitril and adamantine (20 charges)

Baton of Fish Summoning - each charge summoned a tiny-sized fish (could be aimed to deal 1d2 damage) (50 charges)

Baton of Silver Chain - conjured up 20ft of silver chain that lasted for 2d6 minutes (as in the chain was made of silver and could hold about 5 lbs before breaking) (10 charges)

Immovable Harpsichord - +30 to perform, however, it is impossible to move besides wish which turns it into a normal harpsichord

Monstrous Spectre's Tower Shield of Sludge Beams - masterwork tower shield that could fire a beam of nasty smelling sludge 3/day, didn't do much but make the person smell bad

Quilted Armor of the Exorcism of Deflect Timelessness - +1 padded armor, all effects that would otherwise deflect or end a time-related spell or ability (such as time stop or a monk's timeless body class feature) are countered

Dire Scintillating Ointment - an ointment that caused what ever it is applied to to glow in scintillating patterns, causing everything within line of sight of the object to take a -40 on all spot and search checks and need to make a DC15 will save or be dazed until the ointment wares off, lasts for 1d4+1 rounds

Past Immovable Throwing Knife of Mud Negation - +5 returning dagger with the ability to travel in time when thrown as well as automatically cast Mud to Rock at CL20 when it makes contact with mud, it cannot be moved or it becomes a normal dagger with a -2 penalty to melee attack rolls

Lotion of Chameleon Calling - a large number of chameleons are summoned onto the creature who wears the lotion, completely covering the creature. All spells and attacks hit one or more chameleons instead of the creature who is covered (counts as total cover), more chameleons are immediately summoned if some of the chameleons die, the chameleons cannot take any actions. All of the creature's speeds drops to 0ft. The lotion lasts for 1d6+1 minutes.

Savage Human's Elixir of Barbarism - the human who drinks this elixir has his intelligence and wisdom modifier reduced to 1 and his strength modifier increased by the largest penalty taken to int or wis. The human is considered raged but gains no additional strength bonus or constitution bonus. The human's strength is return to normal after the rage ends but the intelligence and wisdom penalty persists and recovers as normal.

Spectral Slayer's Throwing Axe of the Infamous Fish - +10 Ghost Touch Slaying Returning Throwing Axe, once thrown the axe turns into a small tuna dealing 1d8 damage. The tuna is considered ghost touch, but all other magical properties are lost (the +10 to hit and damage as well as the slaying ability) until the axe returns the next turn in its normal form. Using the axe in melee does not cause this transformation, but if the creature hit fails a DC24 fortitude save, both the creature hit and the user are killed and the axe shatters into a swarm of minnows. If a small tuna is caught with one of the minnows, the rest dissappear and the former user appears holding the axe (formerly the tuna), no other spell or ability can bring either victim of the slaying back to life. The hit creature does not return but may now be resurrected.

Bullet of Charisma - a standard sling bullet, when hit, the creature takes twice the normal damage and receives a +2 bonus to charisma.
Device of Good Sludge - A strange and intricate device, at will it will produce a disgusting smelling and tasting sludge that will provide nourishment and stave off thirst as a single meal. However, eaters must make a DC16, 18, 20, and 22 fortitude save. Failure on any save will cause the creature to be nauseated for 24 hours. If the creature succeeds at least until the DC20 save, it gains the nourishment, otherwise the creature does not.

Happy Dwarf's Sling - if a dwarf wields the sling it becomes a +2 sling that deals damage as a large sling, however, if the dwarf is ever not truly happy (DC20 bluff check to pretend) the sling begins to strangle the dwarf. The sling has a +25 grapple modifier and deals 3d10 non-lethal constriction damage each round it grapples the dwarf. If the dwarf is knocked unconscious, the sling stops grappling and becomes dormant.
Insane Snake's Coat of the Sigil of Sanity - The coat has a number of charges equal to the wearer's wisdom modifier. The wearer may use a charge to remove confusion and insanity effects immediately or spend 2 charges to automatically succeed on a will save. Each charge used permentally drains 1 point of wisdom, the wearer immediately knows the coat's abilities except for the wisdom drain and never realizes the loss in wisdom (in fact he does not act any differently while wearing the coat). Once the coat runs out of charges (and the wearer drops to 0 wisdom) the coat takes over the creature's body and becomes an insane NPC.

Pyramid of Lizard Calling - 1/day the pyramid will summon a fiendish dire lizard of legend right in front of the user. The lizard may not attack of move from its original location on its own behalf. The only actions it may preform are intimidate checks for which it has a +20 modifier or speak, otherwise it follows all instructions of the user. The lizard speaks only in a strange dead language, but understands all languages. If the user makes a successful DC15 untrained speak language check he accidentally commands the lizard to speak telepathically and thus the lizard can be understood.

Pill of the Gods' Spell of Death - the taker of the pill is erased from all existence as if the creature never existed (so he obviously "dies" and can't be restored to life, all memories are lost, all children of his are removed as well, etc.)

Unspeakable Ruler's Shield of Absorbs Springing - +1 heavy steel shield causes all jump checks within a 50ft radius of it to automatically fail except for the user's jump checks which gain a +40 bonus

Yellow Atal - +1 atal deals double damage to green things

Blasphemous Gown of Wonderful Copper - a beautiful wedding gown made entirely of rust-free copper. If worn, the wearer and one target selected by the wearer is effected by a blasphemy spell CL20 every round the gown is worn. Nothing can destroy the gown or stop the effects except a Holy Word spell.
Prismatic Claymore - +2 greatsword, when it deals damage roll a d% and the claymore deals the indicated damage type instead of slashing: 01-15 sonic, 16-30 cold, 31-45 fire, 46-60 acid, 61-75 negative, 76-90 positive, 91-00 force

Scintillating Shield of Deflect Magma - +2 heavy steel shield, the user takes no damage from lava

Suit of Conjure Cold - at will the wear can cause the suit to freeze, dealing 20 points of cold damage each round to the wearer as well 1d10 cold damage to any opponent attacking the wearer with a non-reach melee attack. A successful fortitude save DC16 to take half damage (both an attacker and the wearer)

Thunderous Garment - whenever the wearer moves or takes any action requiring movement or is hit with any type of attack he becomes deafened and all those within a 60ft radius must make a DC20 fortitude save or become deafened. All sonic damage within a 60ft radius of the wearer is doubled.
Cursed Stranglers' Contraption of Health Negation - a garrote that causes the wielder to take damage whenever he would normally be healed. Once wielded it may not be put down.

Sharp Machine of Ooze Bolts - the device creates 4d6 +1 acidic crossbow bolts. Taking a bolt deals 5 slashing, 5 piercing, and 5 acid damage per bolt taken.

Shirt of Security Control - this red shirt provides a -10 to AC and removes all damage reduction. After every combat if the wearer is alive he must succeed a DC14 will save or die. 1/day the wearer of the shirt may cause all enemies to attack him and only him for 1d2 minutes. If the wearer would be killed during that time he is immediately resurrected as true resurrection CL20 1d4 hours later.

Vorpal Anklet of Slime Assault - all weapons the wearer wields gain the vorpal magical ability. Each time the wearer makes an attack roll, roll a d%, on a result of 95 or more the anklet becomes a green slime taking up the space the wear occupies and grappling the wearer.

Pyramid of the Exorcism of Everburning Conjuration - at will the pyramid will dispel all continual flames and other continual illumination effects within a 20ft radius.

Thundering Bar - 1/day the user and one target become deafened for 1d4+1 hours.

Unspeakable Drink - the drinker becomes permanently mute, removable only via a wish or miracle

Blowgun of Fish Calling - this acts as a normal blowgun except that it does not require darts, but rathe shots out small fish that deal non0lethal damage. Any darts loaded into the blowgun turn into fish but retain all magical properties.

Happy Monk's Cube of Seduce Ogre - when used by a happy monk, all ogres have their attitude changed to friendly towards the user. This effect does not work if the monk is not specifically happy though a DC26 bluff check can fool the cube.

Voyager_I
2008-01-29, 09:32 PM
Movable Rod: This magical rod may be picked up and moved by the user.

Folded Boat: An entire boat compacted marvelously into a single plank. The plank floats on water, and can support any number of creatures totaling no more than 400 pounds.

Token Feather: This feather is very pretty. It would look most dashing in your cap.

Pointy Stick: At first glance, this appears to be an ordinary stick. Closer inspection reveals that it has been carefully sharpened on one end. It provides a +2 circumstance bonus to Survival checks made to cook marshmallows over a fire.

Bag of Molting: This bag opens to an extradimensional pocket on the Plane of Poultry. The interior lining sheds feathers continuously, filling the bag every hour.

Flaming Sword: This bright pink sword is very fond of other swords. It especially likes sundering.

Patashu
2008-01-29, 09:45 PM
How about a perpetual motion slinky? Or one that goes up hills?

An adhesive yo-yo?

Fhaolan
2008-01-29, 11:18 PM
Well... there's always the useful junk. Meaning it has one specific use that will rarely ever come up, or something like that. Or they're really just masterwork tools, with a minor bonus, or drawback.

Such as:

Salve of Bruise Reduction: +2 to healing of subdual damage

Saddle of Broco Riding: +3 to Ride checks on any non-intelligent, untrained animal. Can't be used once the animal is trained to ride.

Chef's Knives: +3 to cooking skills. User must yell constantly at everyone else in the area while using them.

Paddle of Punishment: +1 magical club, only does subdual damage and is only effective against underage opponents.

Book of Immersion: While reading the book, the user is immune to mind-control or sonic effects. However, the user cannot deffend himself against any other attack, losing all dodge and dex bonuses to AC, and cannot attack or cast spells himself.

Architect's Level: +3 to skill when building any structure larger than an outhouse.

Collin152
2008-01-29, 11:39 PM
Flaming Sword: This bright pink sword is very fond of other swords. It especially likes sundering.

So, if swords are... hm. Funny.

Any object, enchanted with a Nystul's magic aura effect, only functioning on itself; it has the magical ability to apear nonmagical (or magical, if you desire).

Blackadder
2008-01-30, 12:18 AM
Useful if you have smart players
Wand of Negative Light: As per a wand of Light, but when used (DC 12 UMD Check) it negates any light source. This does not extinguish the light sources, merely causes them to stop giving light. It affects Light spells or light items of the 2nd level or lower. It can also be used to extinguish the light coming from a medium sized or smaller fire. This does not put out the fire, it still gives off heat and the flames still burn the fuel, but the fire does not give off any light. The effect of the wand of Negative light lasts 1d10 minutes

Amusing

Hat of Distraction:When activated via it's command word(Look at me I'm a distraction!)1 time/1day this hat provides a +15 bonus to attempts to keep up to d20+10 people's attention. Those affected may make a DC20 will safe or otherwise give the Hat's wear their undivided attention, all those affected suffer a -8 to Spot and Listen checks to anything except the person wearing the hat. This effect lasts for 3d6 minutes or until the wearer removes the hat willingly or unwillingly and ends the effect at once.

Talic
2008-01-30, 03:02 AM
Really Big Gem of Attraction: This gem, when freely given to another humanoid of at least 3 Intelligence, will provide the giver with a +10 enhancement bonus to charisma-related chacks involving the recipient for 1 week.

Ring of Lie Detection: As a standard action, the user can Detect Lie. This is similar to detect magic, except that it detects all living or undead creatures in the prone position.

Ring of Force: This item lends itself to forceful personalities, providing a +4 enhancement bonus to all attempts to force open an object, or to bull rush. However, even conversation is forced, providing a -2 penalty to all charisma based checks.

Fuzzy_Juan
2008-01-30, 03:15 AM
There was once a strange item in our game called 'The cloak of Blending'...a strange cloak that when worn cast blade barrier on the inside of the cloak and could not be removed until one was dead.

fasten the clasp and hit puree so it was...

random11
2008-01-30, 04:43 AM
Magical, even useful, but not very practical for adventurers.


Endless glass of lemonade: Refills with tasty lemonade once a day.

Eye compass: The arrow of the compass will point toward where the holder is currently looking.

Sphere of air conditioning: slightly reduces or increases the temperature around the holder of the item.

leperkhaun
2008-01-30, 05:38 AM
Feather tokens are great.

Taliesan
2008-01-30, 07:31 AM
If you were in SA...

Eskom's rod of light: Casts darkness.

shadow_archmagi
2008-01-30, 08:19 AM
1. Lotion of Chameleon Calling - a large number of chameleons are summoned onto the creature who wears the lotion, completely covering the creature. All spells and attacks hit one or more chameleons instead of the creature who is covered (counts as total cover), more chameleons are immediately summoned if some of the chameleons die, the chameleons cannot take any actions. All of the creature's speeds drops to 0ft. The lotion lasts for 1d6+1 minutes.

2. Shirt of Security Control - this red shirt provides a -10 to AC and removes all damage reduction. After every combat if the wearer is alive he must succeed a DC14 will save or die. 1/day the wearer of the shirt may cause all enemies to attack him and only him for 1d2 minutes. If the wearer would be killed during that time he is immediately resurrected as true resurrection CL20 1d4 hours later.

3. Bag of Molting: This bag opens to an extradimensional pocket on the Plane of Poultry. The interior lining sheds feathers continuously, filling the bag every hour.

4. Robe of Blending+5 speed

5. A scroll of it's all the rage?
6. A scroll of Resurect self.
7. Hat of Distraction:When activated via it's command word(Look at me I'm a distraction!)1 time/1day this hat provides a +15 bonus to attempts to keep up to d20+10 people's attention. Those affected may make a DC20 will safe or otherwise give the Hat's wear their undivided attention, all those affected suffer a -8 to Spot and Listen checks to anything except the person wearing the hat. This effect lasts for 3d6 minutes or until the wearer removes the hat willingly or unwillingly and ends the effect at once.

8. Wand of Negative Light: As per a wand of Light, but when used (DC 12 UMD Check) it negates any light source. This does not extinguish the light sources, merely causes them to stop giving light. It affects Light spells or light items of the 2nd level or lower. It can also be used to extinguish the light coming from a medium sized or smaller fire. This does not put out the fire, it still gives off heat and the flames still burn the fuel, but the fire does not give off any light. The effect of the wand of Negative light lasts 1d10 minutes

9. Really Big Gem of Attraction: This gem, when freely given to another humanoid of at least 3 Intelligence, will provide the giver with a +10 enhancement bonus to charisma-related chacks involving the recipient for 1 week.

10. Ring of Lie Detection: As a standard action, the user can Detect Lie. This is similar to detect magic, except that it detects all living or undead creatures in the prone position.

11. Endless glass of lemonade: Refills with tasty lemonade once a day.


Very very good work guys! These are definately keepers. Got any more?

Funkyodor
2008-01-30, 09:24 AM
Message Stone: Use Message spell up to X times per day. Really great for that front hidden scout who doesn't want to make a sound, but still tell his friends exactly whats goin on.
Gauntlet(s) of Digital Strength: Increases users strength by +X for actions involving only his hands. This half asleep wizard only got part of if right. So bonus damage in a grapple, climbing, flicking somone with a vicious pinky, anything the player can think of within DM acceptance.
Boots of Stability: Gains stability bonus as if wearer was Dwarven.
Arrow or Bolt of Spidey Action: This arrow or bolt is enchanted to ignore the hardness of wood or stone structures and trails a thin, but strong and sturdy spider silk line. Once fired into a structure, this line can be used like a knotted silk rope.
Necklace of Firey Flashes: From the maker of Digital Strength Gauntlets comes Firey Flashes. The narcoleptic wizard has done it again with a weakend fireball so mild all it causes is a DC 14 (or higher if preferred) Reflex save versus blindness to all creatures within a 10 foot radius. This goes away in 1D4+1 combat rounds.
Energy Tablet/Drink: Fully delays all fatigue penalties for two hours and gives a general 'peppy' feeling. If four or more energy drinks are consumed within a twentyfour hour period, then add 1D4 hours to the required amount of sleep for that night.

EDIT: Can you let us know what players chose what item so we can claim some bragging rights, heh, heh.

Duke of URL
2008-01-30, 09:24 AM
Heward's Handy Stash

"Dude, they were so, like, amazed that they couldn't find anything on me. This little pocket was a life-saver, man!"

This device attaches to an existing pocket, holds up to 1 cubic foot of non-living, organic matter (and it's container(s), if applicable) not to exceed the total weight of 5 pounds. Only the owner may access the pocket, no one else can even detect it.

Useful for evading any searches or the roommate who bogarts your stuff.

Rod of Mighty Lording

"Okay frosh... kneel before my scepter of office. And then fetch me an ale."

This device allows its bearer to use suggestion, up to 3 times a day on any target if the following criteria are met:
The target is a member of an organization that the bearer is in OR has at least one character class in common with the bearer
The target has been a member of the organization or class for less than one year
The bearer has been a member of the organization or class for more than one year
The save DC is 10 + character level / 2 + CHA modifier. Unlike a normal suggestion spell, the bearer may make unreasonable, as in degrading or humiliating, suggestions without penalty. Also, as long as the target continues to fail the saving throw, additional suggestions may be given without expending any additional daily uses of the rod -- once the save is made, all active suggestions are canceled. Welcome to hazing, noob.

Special: If the target perceives the bearer to be a figure of authority in the organization (or a "mentor" in the class), or otherwise has a motivation to "suck up" to the bearer, the target takes a -4 penalty to all saving throws, or may, at the target's discretion, forgo saving throws entirely.

iBard

This trendy, sleek, pocket-sized device is able to provide its owner with any type of sound-based performance upon demand; only the owner can hear the performance. The owner takes a -20 penalty on all Listen checks while using the device, but that's nothing compared with the "coolness" factor of owning one of these hip items.

Shhalahr Windrider
2008-01-30, 09:34 AM
iBard

This trendy, sleek, pocket-sized device is able to provide its owner with any type of sound-based performance upon demand; only the owner can hear the performance. The owner takes a -20 penalty on all Listen checks while using the device, but that's nothing compared with the "coolness" factor of owning one of these hip items.
Ooh! I need me one of those!

I hear they're making one that can also reconstruct visual performance, too.

Funkyodor
2008-01-30, 10:10 AM
Heh, heh, the new visual iBard that grants a -20 spot and listen check penalty? Priceless. I see it now, "hey, hey, Hey, HEY! Fighter McFighteypants! Pay attention! Charge that guy!"

Duke of URL
2008-01-30, 10:11 AM
I hear they're making one that can also reconstruct visual performance, too.

At that price, you can just hire your own flesh-and-blood bard.

Shhalahr Windrider
2008-01-30, 10:16 AM
At that price, you can just hire your own flesh-and-blood bard.
Yeah, but then you got to feed him and let him take potty breaks.

Telonius
2008-01-30, 10:28 AM
Magical Junk. This junk is the envy of everybody. Although it begins as a miniature, anyone can enlarge your junk. At full size, it is longer and wider than anyone else's junk. Be careful, that doesn't last forever - 3d10 minutes without other enhancement - so anyone riding your junk may be surprised. Be sure to use adequate protection. Don't worry, though, your junk can enlarge again after waiting 4d4 minutes.

(Thank you, Lord Hinjo (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0418.html)!)

AKA_Bait
2008-01-30, 10:39 AM
At that price, you can just hire your own flesh-and-blood bard.

Yeah, but if you have a real bard you have to feed him. Also, it would be a lot of reduce person spells for him to be pocketsize.

Roderick_BR
2008-01-30, 10:49 AM
A scroll of Resurect self.
Wand of Melfs Acid Trip
Rod of Tasha's screaming hideous orgasm. lol
And a permanent casting of Leomund's invisible faithful girlfriend.

lmao
Reminds me of the movie "Orgasm", where the main character have a weapon that literally rendered foes helpless by forcing the afore mentioned feeling several times.
And no, it's not a porn movie, it's a humor movie :smalltongue:

Now, what kind of magic itens you want? Barely useful? Useful but awkward? Something useless for a cheap laugh? Using the rules for cursed itens, you could use the limited variation, where the item works, but has some drawback, or doesn't work all time.

Flaming explosion sword: +1 long sword (or other melee, non-throwing, non-reach weapon type at DM's decision), that on a critical hit, sets off a fiery explosion that deals 1d10 points of fire damage. Drawbacks: It doesn't give the base 1d6 points of damage on normal attacks. The wearer is not immune to the fire, meaning that he takes the same fire damage he deals. Others sources of fire resistance apply as normal. Reach doesn't work, because the arm is still caught in the explosion. If thrown, it doesn't deal the extra fire damage. Everyime the wielder picks it up, hem must remember to deactivate it's power, that is always on by default. When on, it sheds light like a normal torch.

Dr Bwaa
2008-01-30, 11:41 AM
Really Long Spear of Power: This Large Longspear requires the user to attack as though possessing the Power Attack feat, sacrificing as much BAB as possible. They take normal penalties for using an oversize weapon.

Wand of Toads: With a DC12 UMD check, this slightly slimy wand begins disgorging toads at a rate of 30 toads/round for 2d4 rounds.

Otiluke's Staff of Resilient Hemihemishperes: Expending one of this staff's charges creates 1/4 of an Otiluke's Resilient Sphere at CL 5, facing the direction the user intends. It grants the user concealment from that direction, and grants everything in that direction total concealment from the user.

Crazy Eye of Vecna: Gouging out your eye and replacing it with the Crazy Eye of Vecna grants a -2 penalty to CHA, but an inherent +15 bonus to Intimidate. Each day, the user must make a DC 15 Will save to avoid suffering the effects of insanity.

Spanish Avenger: This +2 keen longsword functions as such only while the user is questing for vengeance for some terrible wrong. In this case, the user also gains the benefits of Endurance, Diehard, Fast Healing 1, and automatically makes all fort saves vs death from massive damage. If the user is not questing for vengeance, the sword actively attracts people to wrong its user however possible without killing him, and functions as a -2 longsword. All natural ones rolled while the sword is in this state are automatic botches; no confirmation roll is needed.

Nystul's "Magic" Armor: This armor seems magical somehow...

Talisman of Ygaz: This talisman was once worn by a renouned sorcerer and bestows a +2 morale bonus to all saves and skill checks. However, each day the wearer must make a DC19 Will save (without the +2 bonus) to avoid diametrically changing alignments and instantly exactly reversing his attitude towards everyone he knows (enemies become friends, etc). This effect is permanent, and once it has occurred, the amulet no longer bestows the +2 bonuses.

Crimson Avenger
2008-01-30, 12:10 PM
The Ugly Stick: A +3 quarterstaff that causes whoever picks it up to immediately beat himself about the head and shoulders until his effective Charisma is 3.

Ring of Sudden Defecation: I believe the name says it all.

Hammer of Dwarven Throwing: This +2 Throwing hammer is usable only by Dwarves (or those under the effects of a Belt of Dwarvenkind). Whenever the wielder goes to throw the hammer, he is himself hurled at the enemy with a range incrument of 20 ft. (Was put to interesting use by a Dwarven battlerager with spiked armor. Can we say toss, and shake vigorously??)


Don't forget the gems that Rich has given us in the extras, Beets of Striding and Springing, Staff of Pies Alteration, Gauntlets of Ogre Stench, and the others. (The Bokk of Exalted Deer comes to mind.)

BRC
2008-01-30, 12:20 PM
Critical Blade
This +1 Keen Longsword deals triple damage on a critical hit (instead of the normal double), however, it is capable of speech and often points out some flaw
concerning the wielder, usually involving their lifestyle or fashion choices, their choice in party members, their fighting style ect. Changing these things to what it suggjests does not stop this effect, it will suggjest somthing else, and proably also say that you can't think for yourself. Every day that you possess the Critical Blade you must make a Will Save (DC 10+1/Days you have possessed the sword), if you fail then you throw the sword away and try to forget about it. You cannot attempt to retrieve it.

Telonius
2008-01-30, 12:32 PM
Some other ideas...

Beard of Force
Censor of Air Elemental Control
Cloak of the Jackalope
Cloak of Misplacement (minor and major)
Inefficient Quiver
Eversmoking Pipe
Goggles of Hour Seeing

shadow_archmagi
2008-01-30, 01:52 PM
In answer to the above question

An ideal item would:

1. Be easily useful in slight, rare circumstances
2. Be humorous
3. Not do what they were expecting
4. Require creativity to be useful in any other situation.

Dr Bwaa
2008-01-30, 02:01 PM
I like the Critical Blade!

Potion of Inwisibility: Drinker is immune to mind-affecting, but automatically fails (or cannot make, whichever is appropriate) wisdom-based skill or ability checks.

Crying Pool: Bound to a person by a ring, the Crying Pool follows the ring-wearer around, catching all his tears. When the crying pool is full (DM discretion), it can be distilled into three potions, each with one of the following properties:
-owl's wisdom
-grants +10 to Diplomacy checks wherever sensitivity can be a virtue
-grants +10 to Bluff checks to appear intimidated
Whichever property is used, at the end of the potion's duration (2d4 hours), the user feels inconsolably empty inside for a period of 1d3 hours.
The Crying Pool continues to refill as long as the ring is worn.

Whip of Pure Ownage: This is a +5 Unholy Vorpal whip of Brilliant Energy. However, 1d4 days after coming into posession of the Whip, a Pit Fiend gates to the possesser, steals the Whip, and makes the former owner his slave for eternity.

Monk's Shoelace: Tying a shoe with this shoelace grants the wearer +5 base land speed, +(1d4-3) damage (never less than 0) to unarmed strikes, and the ability to take one extra attack at his lowest BAB 1/day.

Voltaic Key: When used as a spell focus, this small bronze key replaces any third-level spell cast with the following spell effect: turn any one creature or object weighing up to 800 pounds 90 degrees in any direction (east-->south / standing-->horizontal in midair etc). The save (both DC and type of save) is the same as the save for the spell replaced. If that spell allowed no save, the save is a Will save with DC 13 + ability modifier.

Prometheus
2008-01-30, 02:07 PM
Padded Armor +1
Deadweight: Although it's about the size of a baseball, it weighs 200 pounds. I can be dropped but not thrown. It has hardness of 10 and 200 hit points. Every time it loses hit points to anything else than falling damage, it loses a corresponding amount of weight.
Feanaro (yes that is Tolkein Elvish Quenya for Fire) Sauce: Very spicy hot sauce made by desert Salamanders sold to nomadic merchants. If ingested, the creature must make a Fortitude save of base DC of 20 (+2 for each additional dose, -2 for each full day's ration that it is spread over, -4 if particular attention is taken to eat it slowly). Failure cause the creature to become nauseated and silenced for 2d6 rounds and ageusiated (lacking the sense of taste) a minute for each round spent nauseated. The subsequent ingestion of milk or a similar substance (but not water, ale or juice) grants a cumulative -2 modifier to the DC of the Fortitude Save for each move-equivalent action dose - if this causes the save to pass, than the creature is no longer nauseated and silenced (but will still be ageusiated). Any creature that is immune to the effects of poison is also immune to the effects of Feanaro Sauce.
Whicker Basket of self-repair: With only 12 hp, a hardness of 1, and a break DC of 10 this whicker basket is easy to destroy. But in the event that it is dealt any less damage than needed to destroy it it regenerates instantaneously.
The World's Best Broom: This broom is enchanted with the magical property of cleaning any sticky or particulate matter as if it was subjected to the most power of moppings and scrubbings. In a single flick, the surface is swept clean. If used against a swarm or ooze, make a standard action touch attack to deal 3d12 negated by a Fortitude save equal to 15 + Str bonus

Also a variety of cursed items should do the trick.

Talya
2008-01-30, 02:11 PM
I've always been a fan of the defective flying carpet. It won't actually carry anyone, just dumps them off or lies on the floor the moment you sit on it. However, left on it's own, it will float to the ceiling, or cover the window, or generally be an irritant.

I created one for the insane gnome PC captaining the ship in a pirate campaign I'm running. He keeps it in his quarters, with a bedpost on one corner, his dresser on another, always putting weights on top trying to hold it down. It tries to trip people who enter the room.

Shhalahr Windrider
2008-01-30, 02:31 PM
Padded Armor +1
You win. That's the funniest suggestion ever. :smallbiggrin:

Speaking of defective items: ring of invisibility that turns the wearer, but non of her clothes or gear invisible. Gotta strip totally nude for true invisibility.

Had a character use this to terrorize a town as a rip-off of the headless horseman.

Dr Bwaa
2008-01-30, 02:34 PM
On the flying carpet idea, my friend put a magic carpet in one of our games that would attempt to eat anything that stepped on it. "Eating" consists of wrapping around it, winning a couple grapple checks to force the creature inside, and then turning inside out and shunting the creature off to somewhere on a random other plane.

Collin152
2008-01-30, 03:18 PM
You win. That's the funniest suggestion ever. :smallbiggrin:

Speaking of defective items: ring of invisibility that turns the wearer, but non of her clothes or gear invisible. Gotta strip totally nude for true invisibility.

Had a character use this to terrorize a town as a rip-off of the headless horseman.

But they could still see the ring.

Shhalahr Windrider
2008-01-30, 03:57 PM
But they could still see the ring.
Okay, I correct myself: The ring makes the wearer but none of her clothes or gear except for the ring itself invisible. :smallsigh: