Oy, I need advice

[Zarrexaij]

Okay, here's the short story: someone who shouldn't be joining the club I'm in (not going to say the name because it would violate the rules :smallsigh:) wants to, according to the sponsor. Why they shouldn't? 1) We don't get along (She's just an overall bitty towards me, and I'm not too keen on her either). 2) She's bound to start fights either directly (i.e. to their face) or indirectly (by talking crap behind people's back). :smalleek:

Here's the long story:

The meeting I went to last week, I found out something that surprised me, and well... made me pretty damn suspicious. There's a wannabe goth chick at school that I've disliked ever since I met her two years ago(moving my stuff without permission and being unpleasant when I interject "Hey, that's mine!" doesn't score brownie points with me). She hanged out with people I used to, so I got exposed to how much of a pest she was. She was obscenely loud, she was obnoxious, she was rude, but most of all, she was a freaking huge bigot. She was always on a tyrade about gay people (turns out she has several gay friends- but she's all talking about how much she hates them and their [gayness] {replaced that with a 'nicer' word}). I got exposed to her even more when she began dating a friend of my ex. Over time, I decided there was next to nothing to like about her; she treated her boyfriend like crap and ended up dumping him for someone else before he could dump her because he was so fed up.

Then I got thoroughly disgusted with the people I hung out with. :smallsigh:

While I was at a school function, she sat pretty close, as in, right by me. I had a headache at the time... and she talked LOUDLY, right beside me. I told her to be quiet once when she started another homophobic rant... then went straight to talking about her black "best friend." I'm sure you can read in between the lines. I was getting fed up, and kept on telling her to be a little quieter, I had a migraine. She didn't seem to noticed and continued her blathering on about gay this, black that. I couldn't take it anymore, so I flat out told her to shut up (I had told her upwards of five times to be quiet), so she started mumbling things about me. :smallmad:

Ugh. And you know what makes it worse? The people I called friends, friends who proclaimed themselves the defenders of gay and colored people everywhere, just laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed, thinking it was so bloody hilarious this clearly out of her mind seething bigot was revealing how much of a prejudiced person she was. :smallfurious:

Needless to say, I don't think I've met someone with so many negative traits in my life. :smallyuk:

This year I haven't been around her much, but whenever I see her she glares at me, if I had done something horribly wrong towards her. :smallsigh:

And then I learn this same bigot wants to join our club. I told the sponsor flat out no, that she is horribly racist and homophobic and will most likely cause fights given the fact she's belligerent. We have a black kid and a Mexican in our club, so I doubt that'll go well, nevermind there's a gay person too. Of course, I doubt the others would exactly enjoy being around someone so toxic.

If she actually joins, I'll either quit or beg the sponsor to kick her out. I don't see anything good coming from this. At all. I hate drama like this too, and I avoid it like the plague, but for once the drama has found me.

I honestly don't know what I should do.

[SilentNight]

Wow, seem like a real SoaB. If you can keep her out of the club that's all well and good but as for dealing with her I got a whole lot of nothin'. It sounds like she needs to get her head out of her butt and get some perspective. Perhaps if an unfortunate accident were to happen to her or her possesions.:smallamused: Your "friends" were probably laughing at the rant either because A: They are moronic bigots or B:They were afraid to stick up for the gays and draw attention to themselves.

*Goes off on irrelevant rant about people who use gay as an insult* :smallfurious: ( No, I'm not gay)

Try Pming Serpentine or Syka if they don't see this thread. I'm sure they'll have better advice than me.

[Syka]

Um..wow...I'm being mentioned. :smalleek:

Anyway, at first I wasn't sure how to handle this. As for friends, I gotta whole lotta nothin' there. People can be idiots, especially in high school (and college, if that is where you are).

As for the club, all you can really do is talk to the sponsor. Make sure it's calm. Impress upon them that this girl has been known to cause difficulties with people, particularly if they stand up with her, and is known to be discriminatory and offensive. You are worried about how this will effect the group dynamic.

Now, if she does join, don't quit the group- that'll solve nothing.

But you might need to take the next step if you see her still being bigoted and such, and talk to an administrator. Explain what you know and how she is highly disruptive and it is effecting the learning and extracurricular environment negatively.

If you're in college, though, there isn't much you can do beyond the sponsor I would think, unless you want to lodge a complain against her with the student judicial body or some such.

Cheers,
Syka

[SilentNight]

You run one of the biggest threads here about dealing with people so I figured you'd be more able to help than I.

[Syka]

You run one of the biggest threads here about dealing with people so I figured you'd be more able to help than I.

Thanks. I'm still not used to it, though. :smallredface: And you'll never get me to admit that I run that thread. :smallwink:

Cheers,
Syka

[Serpentine]

Um..wow...I'm being mentioned. :smalleek:Me too :smalleek:
I think Syka got it about right... Explain to the sponser exactly, and calmly, why you don't want her to join. As you mentioned doing, I think, make sure you emphasise how poorly she will reflect on the club as a whole. Then, if she's still allowed in, give her a chance. See how she goes for, say, a week. If she does poorly, have a meeting with the whole group and explain to her, as a whole (so it doesn't seem as much as though you're picking on her), how her behaviour needs to change. Give her another week, and if she doesn't pick up her game, write a list of everything she's done (and the action you've tried to take) to show to the sponser or whoever's in charge. After that, I don't know what sort of a club it is, so I don't know what the next step would be...

[Zarrexaij]

I'm in high school, and the sponsor said if they was a problem, that she'd (the sponsor) get a majority of the votes towards a decision.

That being said, I'll see about this Wednesday. I already told the sponsor what I thought. Now it's time to see if she (the one who wants to join) was actually serious. :smallannoyed:

[Milanius]

-snip, and:

If she actually joins, I'll either quit or beg the sponsor to kick her out. I don't see anything good coming from this. At all. I hate drama like this too, and I avoid it like the plague, but for once the drama has found me.

I honestly don't know what I should do.
There. You just described a solution to yourself [bold letters].

If the drama won't leave you alone, walk away from it.

[Crispy Dave]

ya i hate people like that i hate the term "omg thats so gay" i always ask somone who says it how it has anything to do with homosexuality and they usual come up with "um o your gay hehehe" i get realy pissed becaus ei have an aunt whos lesbian and two friends that are bi.

[Lady Tialait]

your problem is a walking problem....if you walk awayfrom it it won't be a problem

as for useing Gay as an insult...I only know one person who does that..and they only use it for themselves..and they are gay..and it cracks my mom up...

My brother will stay out all night long, when my mom asks him where he's been all night he'll say "Oh..um..i forgot to call. i was at a girlfreind's house." mom will say "Why did you forget?" he'll say something like "I guess i'm just gay like that"

[Jae]

I suppose I'll be slightly controversial here in saying I don't by any means you should just walk away from it. The stubborn and arrogant part of me is thinking then you just let her win. Which may or may not be a ridiculous reason for continuing with it.

Revenge and such aside, though, I still don't think you should just quit. It's not even a matter of drama, at this point. It becomes a question of how willing are you to let other people determine your life?? It's a little passive, to simply leave. Don't beat her, don't join her, but simply ignore her existence entirely.

And, she hasn't joined yet, correct? Can't fight a problem that has yet to arise.

[Dallas-Dakota]

I know two people in my class like this only they generally are disrespecting for practically everybody(except one for her *friends*)
They don´t rant about people being gay or black but generally fault everybody else but not them(also for things they did),
They are loud and obnoxious, and I have a very very very easy to get migraine:smallfrown: And I also have PDD Nos..... Both don´t make things easier...
And there´s nothing I can do about it:smallsigh: :smallmad: :smallfrown:
Anyway just needed to get this out, no real need for advice...

[Zarrexaij]

She joined, alright. It's only a matter of time before she does something stupid. :smallsigh:

[Jae]

Perfect, then.

Wait for her to do so.

Obviously, such a thing would require her to leave the club. No problemo.

[Fester]

The best way to get her to leave you alone and immediatly cease all involvement in anything you are remotely interested in?

Start hitting on her.

[Zarrexaij]

The best way to get her to leave you alone and immediatly cease all involvement in anything you are remotely interested in?

Start hitting on her. :smallamused: It would be a little hard to be convincing when I don't even like her. :smallwink:

[Fester]

Oh crap, I didn't even notice that you were a girl.

Well, seeing as how she's a goth, she might be into that kind of thing, so kibosh on that plan.

[Lady Tialait]

Wiat...she is from oklahoma...*hugs a fellow okie* I'll be moving there in june...well that state..what part you from?...ya'll....*had to prove she an okie*..

Anyway...she has joined...that will be fine. If you know that she will mess up. Then grin and bear it...

[Zarrexaij]

Oh crap, I didn't even notice that you were a girl.I thought the point was that I was a girl and that would scare her if I hit on her.... :smalltongue:


Wiat...she is from oklahoma...*hugs a fellow okie* I'll be moving there in june...well that state..what part you from?...ya'll....*had to prove she an okie*..I'm from the south-western part of central Oklahoma. About an hour from OKC and Norman (which I don't mind revealing; I'll be going off to college in August anyways :smallwink:)

[Lady Tialait]

I'll be moving soon to Enid. .....about 2 hours from the city...*notes that her Oklahoman kicked in there. she called OKC...'the city'

[Fester]

seeing as how you post on this board, i simply assumed that any social endeavor you embarked on would have the opposite result

[Zarrexaij]

seeing as how you post on this board, i simply assumed that any social endeavor you embarked on would have the opposite resultIt tends to be that way, true. :smallsigh:

[Milanius]

I suppose I'll be slightly controversial here in saying I don't by any means you should just walk away from it. The stubborn and arrogant part of me is thinking then you just let her win. Which may or may not be a ridiculous reason for continuing with it.

Revenge and such aside, though, I still don't think you should just quit. It's not even a matter of drama, at this point. It becomes a question of how willing are you to let other people determine your life?? It's a little passive, to simply leave. Don't beat her, don't join her, but simply ignore her existence entirely.

And, she hasn't joined yet, correct? Can't fight a problem that has yet to arise.Eh. Nothing too controversial by confronting the source of the problem, rather than walking away from it. In fact, it is much healthier way of dealing with things ['tis a bit hypocritical, coming from me >_>]. However, it is hard to discourage loud, obnoxious, insulting people who ram their way trough to get things they want.

But, since that little bugger has joined now, all she has to do is to prove to the team that she is a troublemaker, a racist, bigot etc. and she will probably be voted out faster than you could say "pancake".

[Jimblee]

What is this whiny "talk it through" crap? Doesn't solve a thing.

Get in a fight. Best way to do it. I mean, if you're good at it. If you can't hold your own in a verbal joust, go straight for the fisticuffs. Straight one-two to the choppers out to put her in her place.

Secondly, total war. Don't go halfway with your attack. Trust me, vermin like this take any advantage to stab you in the back. Get 'er down at every opportunity - knock over books, shove into walls, all that some crap. Be the proverbial bully to rain on her parade each and every day.

The best part is that soon she'll be the weak one who goes off to cry to parents and all that some such. How horribly ironic! A racist homophobic pseudogoth, a creature born of false arrogance and pretentious wealth, going out for help! Oh, yes, thats the best part. And thats when you lay off - almost. Odds are they'll have a conference with the two of you; thats when you bring up all the anti-semitic, racist, homophobic rants she gave to you specifically.

Make sure to be really sneaky about it. Choose your battles, you don't want to get in more trouble than you already will get in. The key to winning is to be willing to go through the pain of punishment more than she's willing to go through the pain of you messing with her. Just remember that its impossible to combat people if you're not on the same level - theres no way to win it if you keep your head as the better lass.

Oh, and if you do get into fisticuffs, I assume you're not too great at this? Go for the dirty fighting. I'm not kidding, go straight for the eyes. Bite and scratch and kick, grab the back of her head and shove your thumbs 'till she pleads for mercy! Attack with intent to hurt, or else you wont hurt at all.




Of course, this is horrible advice that you shouldn't follow at all - go talk through your problems like the proper you are. I mean, unless you like a downward spiral of pain and violence that inevitably leads to incredible inner chaos and depression

[Shraik]

Try hitting her with a car, solves most problemsI'll do it for twenty bucks...and a car and a license

Seriously, avoid her. If she ever gets personnel with you, get personnel back. SPeaking your mind about a person usually gets to them. The second she gets personnel, spend the entire time until next time you see her, thinking of the most demoralizing thing to say imaginable.

If she doesn't get personnel, ignore her. She may be an irratance and a bigot, but just ignore her. Or, try to get her kicked from the club group thingy. At my local gaming store, there was this one person who would constantly mock me for every aspect of me. It got to the point, where I said something out right demoralizing which lead to someone else getting involved which lead to this person effectively being banned from the gaming store. Really, if she starts something, finish it. Still, trying the car works wonders

[Milanius]

What is this whiny "talk it through" crap? Doesn't solve a thing.

Get in a fight. Best way to do it. I mean, if you're good at it. If you can't hold your own in a verbal joust, go straight for the fisticuffs. Straight one-two to the choppers out to put her in her place.

Secondly, total war. Don't go halfway with your attack. Trust me, vermin like this take any advantage to stab you in the back. Get 'er down at every opportunity - knock over books, shove into walls, all that some crap. Be the proverbial bully to rain on her parade each and every day.

The best part is that soon she'll be the weak one who goes off to cry to parents and all that some such. How horribly ironic! A racist homophobic pseudogoth, a creature born of false arrogance and pretentious wealth, going out for help! Oh, yes, thats the best part. And thats when you lay off - almost. Odds are they'll have a conference with the two of you; thats when you bring up all the anti-semitic, racist, homophobic rants she gave to you specifically.

Make sure to be really sneaky about it. Choose your battles, you don't want to get in more trouble than you already will get in. The key to winning is to be willing to go through the pain of punishment more than she's willing to go through the pain of you messing with her. Just remember that its impossible to combat people if you're not on the same level - theres no way to win it if you keep your head as the better lass.

Oh, and if you do get into fisticuffs, I assume you're not too great at this? Go for the dirty fighting. I'm not kidding, go straight for the eyes. Bite and scratch and kick, grab the back of her head and shove your thumbs 'till she pleads for mercy! Attack with intent to hurt, or else you wont hurt at all.
That's one hell of an advice, if she [Zarrexaij] wants to get expelled, charged with assault, convicted etc. Nice going, lad, but I think you had just a wee bit more of Klingon Blood Wine [and trust me, me knows 'bout Blood Wine :smallamused: ].
Ever heard of Romulans, though? That is how the war is won. Sneakily. By all means, she [Zarrexaij] should let her [pseudogoth-bigot] work against herself. The racist s1ut has a big mouth, eh? Nice. Use every piece of evidence against her. Make sure everyone in the team gets to know just what kind of person they're dealing with and make sure the sponsor is well informed of EVERYTHING... then, rally everyone for one simple cause: to get her [the bigot] out of the team.

Less Blood Wine, more Sun Tzu.

[Cobra_Ikari]

...it's unlikely that this girl is the only bigoted ******* you'll ever have to coexist with. The answers usually aren't that simple. In the end, it looks like the only answer is tolerating the intolerant...

...or maybe I'm just giving up? Hmm.