Falconer's Superbowl Theory

[Falconer]

WARNING: The following post contains half-baked logic and inherent silliness. If you have a rigid manner of thinking, a serious demeanor, or a lawful alignment, you may experience any of the following:

Disorientation, dizziness, ringing in the ears, shortness of breath, sneezing, itchiness, and irreversible insanity.


As many of you U.S. Playgrounders may know, the New York Giants won the Superbowl against the Patriots. :smallannoyed:

But of course, the Giants winning is a scientifically impossible fact. Therefore, a universal paradox was created (also known as a space-time cuffuffle), and the universe is confusticating around us as we speak, and will continue to do so until next Wednesday at 3:41 A.M. (pacific time). At this time, approximately 4.2 feet above the ground, a space vortex shall form, and the universe shall reconfigure itself so that the paradox is corrected, and the Patriots will have won the game, and I will no longer have lost $50.

We should be thankful, however, it's merely a paradox we're dealing with that will correct itself, with minimal effects on reality (except for the fact that turkeys will have forked tongues). If, for example, the Miami Dolphins won the Superbowl, the universe would have collapsed under the sheer impossible ridiculousness. :smalltongue:

I know this due to the equation Y=MX + B, which is, of course, a linear equation with the variable M. Eli Manning, the quarterback who made the winning throw, tossed the ball in a parabola that ended, which is impossible, because parabola lines are ininite. Therefore, the winning touchdown was impossible, as was the Giants victory, which means that the Patriots really did win the Superbowl and had a perfect season, just not until Wednesday.


....And to think I came up with all of this over coffee this morning. Ah, the wonders of caffiene. :smallwink:

[Shas aia Toriia]

I support this theory.

GO PATRIOTS!!!

[Raiser Blade]

I do not support this theory.

GO PATRIOTS!!! Giants!

I think this is what you meant right?

[Midnighter1021]

All I really have to say is. Wow. Talk about denial. Lets just look at the facts shall we
Facts
1. Tom Brady got Blown up all game and the only real chance they had was with Welker catching pretty much everything.
2. The catch was absolutely amazing.( you guys know which one that one is)
3. Eli Manning is now the Houdini of the NFL
4. My own theory that states that the Mannings are Brady's Kryptonite is now perfect.


and finally the fact that i won enough money to pay for the rest of my semester at school. All I really wanted to say is that now next year we need a superbowl with these two teams. AFC: Indianapolis Colts NFC: New York Giants ( AKA Battle of the Mannings)

now tell me that you wouldn't want to see that.

[Falconer]

All I really have to say is. Wow. Talk about denial.

I'll be honest: If you thought I was serious here, I have zoo i'd like to sell you.

[VeisuItaTyhjyys]

Disappointment reigns, and there are many patriots fans, and many who wanted to see a perfect season. They outnumbered those who wished the giants to win. The universe gave them their disappointment. It could happen no other way.

[purple gelatinous cube o' Doom]

First, dude (and I mean you Falconer), you have far too much free time on your hands.

@ VeisuItaTyhjyys
I wholeheartedly disagree with your statement. Outside of the media, NFL top dogs, and Patriot fans, nobody else wanted the Pats to win. Everyone I know, and many many others, rooted for the Giants. Did that mean they thought the Giants would win, no. But just because you don't think a team will win, doesn't mean you want them to win. I think it would be a safe bet that the majority of disinterested parties (non-Patriot or Giant fans) wanted to see the Giants win. This is almost solely due to the fact that Bill Belichick is a complete and utter jerk who doesn't have the decency to stay on the field with the rest of his players until the end. The only people who were crying last night about that game were Patriot fans, and odds makers in Vegas.

[Krade]

4. My own theory that states that the Mannings are Brady's Kryptonite is now perfect.
I take some issue with this one. If this were true, then the Colts would have beat them in their game earlier in the season and then would've gone on undefeated and won the Superbowl because if they hadn't lost that game they wouldn't have lost to the Chargers the next game due to their loss of momentum and self-esteem, and then lost to the Chargers again in the playoffs.

So, what have we learned here? It is all the Patriots fault the Colts didn't have an undefeated season and go on to win the Superbowl, and if the Mannings are Brady's kryptonite, I guess it's only Eli, because Peyton couldn't do it this year.

Did you know... That there is yet another Super Manning-o Brother in college who is, you guessed it, a phenomenal quarterback.

[Mauve Shirt]

As PGC o' Doom says, many people who were indifferent were rooting for the giants. We watched in the lounge at my school, and the amount of Pats fans was GREATLY outweighed by the number of people who just didn't care. And since the patriots fans I know IRL are all incredibly cocky and irritating about it, it's hard not to root for the other team.
Plus many people love an underdog.

[Tormsskull]

Did you know... That there is yet another Super Manning-o Brother in college who is, you guessed it, a phenomenal quarterback.

Don't do that! You had me looking up information on the Mannings because I thought you were serious. Though I did learn that they have an older brother who might have been in football professionally except for a spinal injury of some kind.

[Krade]

Don't do that! You had me looking up information on the Mannings because I thought you were serious. Though I did learn that they have an older brother who might have been in football professionally except for a spinal injury of some kind.

I was being serious, I really thought there was. I guess I should have learned a long time ago to never listen to anything my brother says. EVER.

[Skippy]

I was being serious, I really thought there was. I guess I should have learned a long time ago to never listen to anything my brother says. EVER.

Well, I heard the same thing about the Manning lil' bro...

[Midnighter1021]

I actually meant that in terms of the "big games". last year Peyton lead the colts in the second half and their offense had one of the best comebacks I've ever seen ( and I mean that just by the amount of points that they needed to get to win) and now Eli did it this year.

And I didn't think that you were serious Falconer I just thought that maybe you were a depressed New Englander who couldn't bear the feeling of complete and udder torment of losing in the championship.

WAIT THERE IS ANOTHER MANNING STILL IN COLLEGE???....Sweet maybe now Chicago can get a decent QB.

[purple gelatinous cube o' Doom]

WAIT THERE IS ANOTHER MANNING STILL IN COLLEGE???....Sweet maybe now Chicago can get a decent QB.

You're right about there being another Manning, but he's not in college. In fact he's actually the oldest of the three. He did play football, and was recruited by D I schools, but was diagnosed with spinal stenosis, thus ending his football playing. He's married and has two kids.

[KindaChang]

What you have seems like a sound theory. However, you neglected one very crucial variable, known as the Leonidas factor. On the recieving end of that game winning play, in which the ball traveled in a parabola that ended, was a Spartan. Now, as is well documented, when a Spartan is involved the normal rules no longer apply. 300 soldiers can hold a pass against 250,000 until betrayed, for one example. Millions of straight men will pour into theatres to watch barely clothed and highly muscled men run around on screen for two hours, as another.

So in fact, with a Spartan in play on the field there was no paradox, and yes, parabolas could end. Especially if that Spartan was the one ending them.


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v51/KindaChang/burress.jpg

[Zeb The Troll]

I'm one of those who thought the Pats would win but (not so) secretly hoped they wouldn't. Why? Because it was proved early in the season that Belichik is a cheater. Even if they would've won that game anyway (which I'm sure they would've) I don't feel they deserved The Perfect Season. In fact, I think it's kind of poetic justice that they're now the only team to go 18-1* and lose the Superbowl.

*The '84 49ers and the '85 Bears are the only other teams to go 18-1 and they did not have 16-0 regular season records. The '07 Patriots' are still the only team to do that.

[Felixaar]

Unless new continents inhabitated by giant crabs arise from the depths, im not buying it.

And please dont talk about Parabola's. Just the word gives me a headache.

[Quirinus_Obsidian]

It's as simple as this: the Patriots got owned.

They looked ahead to hoisting the trophy and forgot they had to play a game against a very good Giants team. I for one am ecstatic the Giants won; someone needed to beat the Patriots down from their self and media-inflicted pedestal.

The offensive line was a sieve; the G-men had 800 lbs of Defensive line in Brady's face every time he dropped back to pass. That was the deciding factor. Oh, that and probably one of the best catches to ever be made in the big game. This was probably the best SB in a very long time.

[Supagoof]

Problem is that Chuck Norris is a giants fan. Nobody noticed that in fact, Tyree was out of the game, and hidden under his jersey was Chuck Norris. He caught the football with two hands, because as you know under Chuck's beard is another fist.

Also,

Giants Defense > Tom Brady. He got shook up more times then freshly mixed paint at home depot.

To the Pats though, they went 18-0 before the game. The 72 Dolphins had 17-0. So it can be disputed which is a better team on the "if" factor.

If the opener to superbowl was 17 games long now as it was in 72...would the Pats be perfect?
If the season in 72 was 19 games long...would the Dolphins still had been perfect?

I mean, if you keep banging on something, sooner or later it's gonna break. The pendulum swung early for the Pats.

And yes, they did manage to slide past the P.Manning kryptonite this year, but perhaps that's because they've built a tolerance to it. Need to remind everyone in previous years it was Peyton, always Peyton, that rocked the Pats. This year, he probably just handed the formula over to Eli for the sucka punch. Maybe Peyton walked over to Eli sitting at the kids table at Thanksgiving and said "Look, Eli, I'm sick and tired of beating them. It just gets boring, so here use this when you get the chance."

Now Eli gets to sit at the grown-up table. :smallamused:

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Hi, there. I thought I'd pop in a moment to point a few little things out. Unimportant things, mind you, but things nonetheless.


See this? ---> .

That tiny spot is where the thread started. It was a fun spot, and it was silly. The silly spot was meant to remain silly, and the OP even said that this thread was not to be taken so seriously. Alas, it would seem people are trying to relocate the spot.


It's here now. ---> . <---

Now, if the spot gets moved all the way over here...

. <---

...I'm afraid there may be bloodshed, broken limbs, and/or someone could lose an eye. That would be bad.

Just making sure everyone stays safe.

Oh, and there is a younger Manning...We just haven't cleared him to leave the cloning facility. We're trying to reduce the size of his throwing arm. As of this moment, it's five times larger than his other arm, and that looks a little...suspicious. :smallwink:

[KindaChang]

I tried to get it back on the silliness route by refuting his theory with known facts, but it was in vain.

[Krade]

Good to see that Bor is filled with awesome humor as well as a wisdom that would put Yoda in his place. And THEN he combines the two in yet another wholesale awesome post.

YEA BOR!!! (I don't know why, but if you use more than one exclamation point, it has to be three because two looks wierd and dumb for some reason and any more seems to be over the top...)

Anyway...

*Looks for the silly dot*

Ah... there it is.

The only way the universe might collapse on itself due to a football game is if the Colts and the Giants faced each other in the Superbowl. Seriously, heads would ASPLODE!!! Could you imagine having two Mannings on the field at once? That is 200% your recommended dose of Manning, which is more than enough to send most people into severe anaphylactic shock! Everyone who watched the Superbowl would succumb to it for there would be no defense against the awesome. 27 minutes later the Snarl Mannings will undo reality as we know it.

[Duke of URL]

The Giants won because physics dictates that it is impossible for the opposing QB to win the game when he spends the entire evening picking his a** up off the ground that it was just driven into.

[JasonDoomsblade]

The Patriots deserved to win the Superbowl. The Giants only won cuz of that incredibly lucky touchdown in the last quarter.

[Krade]

Guys... serious discussion of the Superbowl should be taken to one of the other TWO Superbowl threads.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Hi, again. Just stopped in to let you all know that while we've made no progress whatsoever on getting the Manning clone's arms to match in size, we did find a giant spleen in the break room asking everyone for change for the vending machines. :smallconfused:

Really...stop making me come back here to show you where the silly spot is.

[North]

Speaking as a non-Pats fan, I wanted them to win. 35 seconds short of a perfect season is a shame.

[Krade]

Really...stop making me come back here to show you where the silly spot is.

I tried Bor, I really did.

[Supagoof]

Graklok comes running through the thread screaming.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGG GGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!

Giants could no win superb owl. Graklok throw rocks at dem, and dey no good throwing rocks back. Dey smash trees and stuff. Graklok don't know who manning giant is, but spect he cross bred like Hagger from Warthogs or sumtin like dat. And Graklok knows that nuttin beat good pat on back, so Pats for evybody.

Hello Evybody!

Graklok go see if girlie done with Brady her hair. Wha? Why Graklok speak dis way, well it's notta toomer!