Jibar
2008-02-11, 03:48 PM
I decided that in order to quell my rather dark influences (damn you Tim Burton. Damn you for producing the greatest works mankind has ever known), I would try and write something for children.
And, as much as I would love to start writing that script for Seseme Street, I know if I was given free reign with it nothing but trouble would occur.
So, instead, I now introduce to you perhaps the Ultimate Guide to Cat-Muffins Ever, Now In Verse.
It ended up coming out kinda... Seussish, with hints of Spike Milligan.
Anyway, read, criticise, tell me what you think.
And if you have kids, please find out if they like it.
Anyway,
The Curious Conundrum Of The Common Cat-Muffin
The Cat-Muffin is a curious beast,
Baked to perfection from flour and yeast,
With little cat ears and a long cat tail,
In a range of tastes from chocolate to snail,
They hop along merrily all through the day,
Bouncing up and down when they have something to say,
They can talk and talk for many days or weeks,
On topics and news that are not for the meek,
They are particularly fond of costumes and disguises,
And while they are not fond of shocking surprises,
Any gift of food fills them with joy,
As long as there is not meat but soy,
Now for the Cat-Muffin I am to introduce,
His flavour is similar to chocolate mousse,
While of normal Cat-Muffin bready exterior,
Chocolate chips fill his pouros interior,
He goes by the name of the exalted Jibar,
And is well known for his skill at air guitar,
As Cat-Muffins go he is very weird,
Especially his desire for a full human beard,
He supports communism, which you don't understand,
And uses recycled pencils to mark out his land,
He builds marvellous machines from bits and pieces,
Like automatic pogos and robotic meeses,
The most curious and weird thing of it all though,
Apart from this cat made of chocolate and dough,
Is his home, a castle made from boxes of cardboard,
And his loyal followers, a friendly koala hoard,
Who spend their days eating eucalyptus,
Arguing over their plants but with little fuss,
They love their ice cream, their favourite treat,
Which they eat by holding the spoons with their feet,
With their half open eyes and a wide mouthed yawn,
They scratch at their ears with which they are born,
And every day, in the afternoon at three,
The koalas all nap, no matter where they may be,
Now to the curious conundrum you've come to expect,
It is this one Cat-Muffin's curious defect,
For while he enjoys catapulting rubber bands,
He does not know how he pings without any hands,
Nor how he walks without feet or legs,
Or how without a bottom he may produce eggs,
Though this one is pointless, as Jibar does not lay,
Cat-Muffin children are made a different way,
But back to the hands, this Cat-Muffin's issue,
As sneezing is difficult when you cannot grasp tissues,
He also cannot work out when he has an itch how to scratch,
Or just how he picks up cookies from his latest batch,
Every scientist he knows hasn't the simplest clue,
And while observation seems to the logical thing to do,
None can quite say how food makes it to his face,
Nor where the mouth is found on the Cat-Muffin race,
It's true, they defy all natural thought,
Which means that by collectors they are highly sought,
Hunters and poachers may search far and wide,
But thanks to being so tiny Cat-Muffins easily hide,
And yet once we are thrown off the track,
And so it is to Jibar that we hurridedly zoom back,
For while his lacks of hands may always confuse,
He has found a number of solutions from which he can choose,
His first option was to wear gloves where his hands might be,
So that then their position he could finally see,
But the biggest problem with this little solution,
Was that he was not aware of his hand's location,
So then he tried standing in front of a light,
So that his limb's shadows would come into sight,
Yet this failed too for whenever he tried to pose,
The koalas would come and make shadow shows,
Eventually he thought simply of diving into paints,
But this idea just drew koala complaints,
For if the paint set and trapped him in a cacoon,
It would be the lazy koalas who had to free the loon,
So Jibar sat and thought of what could be the remedy,
And finally it struck him, telepathy,
What if Cat-Muffin limbs were not there to find,
But instead there were special tricks of the mind,
Special powers brought about by Cat-Muffin ingeniuty,
Or at least through the make up of Cat-Muffin anatomy,
The sauce, their one organ, where their soul is found,
Must be from where he draws his powers so profound,
With this idea lodged firmly in his brain,
Jibar swore never to think of it again,
When next he wondered how he strummed on his guitar,
He would simply forget it and rock all the harder,
And so is this Conundrum brought to a close,
Without even more difficult questions, like the nose,
How does he smell when this organ is lacking,
(Chocolatey is what the koalas would say with backing,
But as they spent most their days with heads inside buckets,
This witty response was never delivered, so they shut it),
Or even his mouth, which again was not there,
And how the food just dissappeared into thin air,
But when you are dealing with a cross breed of muffin and cat,
There are more important things to ponder than any of that,
Though as for Jibar, he's as happy as may be,
Now that his questions have been answered finally.
And, as much as I would love to start writing that script for Seseme Street, I know if I was given free reign with it nothing but trouble would occur.
So, instead, I now introduce to you perhaps the Ultimate Guide to Cat-Muffins Ever, Now In Verse.
It ended up coming out kinda... Seussish, with hints of Spike Milligan.
Anyway, read, criticise, tell me what you think.
And if you have kids, please find out if they like it.
Anyway,
The Curious Conundrum Of The Common Cat-Muffin
The Cat-Muffin is a curious beast,
Baked to perfection from flour and yeast,
With little cat ears and a long cat tail,
In a range of tastes from chocolate to snail,
They hop along merrily all through the day,
Bouncing up and down when they have something to say,
They can talk and talk for many days or weeks,
On topics and news that are not for the meek,
They are particularly fond of costumes and disguises,
And while they are not fond of shocking surprises,
Any gift of food fills them with joy,
As long as there is not meat but soy,
Now for the Cat-Muffin I am to introduce,
His flavour is similar to chocolate mousse,
While of normal Cat-Muffin bready exterior,
Chocolate chips fill his pouros interior,
He goes by the name of the exalted Jibar,
And is well known for his skill at air guitar,
As Cat-Muffins go he is very weird,
Especially his desire for a full human beard,
He supports communism, which you don't understand,
And uses recycled pencils to mark out his land,
He builds marvellous machines from bits and pieces,
Like automatic pogos and robotic meeses,
The most curious and weird thing of it all though,
Apart from this cat made of chocolate and dough,
Is his home, a castle made from boxes of cardboard,
And his loyal followers, a friendly koala hoard,
Who spend their days eating eucalyptus,
Arguing over their plants but with little fuss,
They love their ice cream, their favourite treat,
Which they eat by holding the spoons with their feet,
With their half open eyes and a wide mouthed yawn,
They scratch at their ears with which they are born,
And every day, in the afternoon at three,
The koalas all nap, no matter where they may be,
Now to the curious conundrum you've come to expect,
It is this one Cat-Muffin's curious defect,
For while he enjoys catapulting rubber bands,
He does not know how he pings without any hands,
Nor how he walks without feet or legs,
Or how without a bottom he may produce eggs,
Though this one is pointless, as Jibar does not lay,
Cat-Muffin children are made a different way,
But back to the hands, this Cat-Muffin's issue,
As sneezing is difficult when you cannot grasp tissues,
He also cannot work out when he has an itch how to scratch,
Or just how he picks up cookies from his latest batch,
Every scientist he knows hasn't the simplest clue,
And while observation seems to the logical thing to do,
None can quite say how food makes it to his face,
Nor where the mouth is found on the Cat-Muffin race,
It's true, they defy all natural thought,
Which means that by collectors they are highly sought,
Hunters and poachers may search far and wide,
But thanks to being so tiny Cat-Muffins easily hide,
And yet once we are thrown off the track,
And so it is to Jibar that we hurridedly zoom back,
For while his lacks of hands may always confuse,
He has found a number of solutions from which he can choose,
His first option was to wear gloves where his hands might be,
So that then their position he could finally see,
But the biggest problem with this little solution,
Was that he was not aware of his hand's location,
So then he tried standing in front of a light,
So that his limb's shadows would come into sight,
Yet this failed too for whenever he tried to pose,
The koalas would come and make shadow shows,
Eventually he thought simply of diving into paints,
But this idea just drew koala complaints,
For if the paint set and trapped him in a cacoon,
It would be the lazy koalas who had to free the loon,
So Jibar sat and thought of what could be the remedy,
And finally it struck him, telepathy,
What if Cat-Muffin limbs were not there to find,
But instead there were special tricks of the mind,
Special powers brought about by Cat-Muffin ingeniuty,
Or at least through the make up of Cat-Muffin anatomy,
The sauce, their one organ, where their soul is found,
Must be from where he draws his powers so profound,
With this idea lodged firmly in his brain,
Jibar swore never to think of it again,
When next he wondered how he strummed on his guitar,
He would simply forget it and rock all the harder,
And so is this Conundrum brought to a close,
Without even more difficult questions, like the nose,
How does he smell when this organ is lacking,
(Chocolatey is what the koalas would say with backing,
But as they spent most their days with heads inside buckets,
This witty response was never delivered, so they shut it),
Or even his mouth, which again was not there,
And how the food just dissappeared into thin air,
But when you are dealing with a cross breed of muffin and cat,
There are more important things to ponder than any of that,
Though as for Jibar, he's as happy as may be,
Now that his questions have been answered finally.