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UndeadJames
2008-02-13, 05:52 AM
Playing D&D for 2 years, I began to get a strange feeling, at first I thought it was coincidence, perhaps a statement of fashion, or just a hint of the personal grooming habits of my fellow players. This feeling became stronger as I noticed it even more.

About 90% of my fellow (male) players have beards. Why?

I can hear the tone of contempt in your voices as you dismiss my observation as mere chance. I was inclined to follow your line of thinking once, but then I grew to believe there was power in the almighty beard. After some research, I began to grow one myself, despite protests from my girlfriend and peers. Herein follows further observations on the ecology and habits of the beard.

Pecking Order

In a varied age group of players, hierarchy is often established by the length, colour, texture, and style of the beard. In my first group, my mosher's goatee gained me the prestigious title of Party Leader, while Scott and Joe became my lieutenants, thanks to their scruffy full-face beards. Alex, a beardless adolescent, was the Omega of the party, with not even the merest hint of stubble to gain him some footing in our discussions. Of course, we all paled in comparison to the James Hetfield-style face-fur adopted by our Dungeon Master, John, who could quell a rules-inspired uprising among the group with a simple stroke of his moustache.

A Thinking Tool

When troubled by a riddle, a maze, or even a dilemma as to which enemy to eviscerate first, we would waste time discussing such actions amongst ourselves, ignoring the most powerful tool at our disposal. The Beard. With a simple stroke, we felt enlightened, acting decisively to save the day.

[Feel free to add further uses to this thread =]] ]

Learnedguy
2008-02-13, 09:27 AM
A good a reason as any to roll Dwarf!

Burley
2008-02-13, 09:56 AM
I've found my beard to be a great role-playing aid. I grew mine after creating a character who wears a cowl (due to facial burn scars). Before I grew it, I had to hold my hands up when I spoke in-character for dramatic effect. After the beard, I simply had to change the tone of my voice, and everybody understood and got a much more vivid image of my character and the inability to see his face.

AslanCross
2008-02-13, 10:54 PM
Does this apply to DMs too? Maybe my scruffy 5 o'clock shadow helps me narrate better. Or is it simply a sign of spending countless hours preparing statblocks? D:

theMycon
2008-02-13, 11:17 PM
I've found, as the night goes on and I experience more as a player/DM and get more "in" the role, my beard grows noticably larger.

horseboy
2008-02-13, 11:17 PM
You know, I did notice about 10 years ago I was the only guy in the group without a goatee.

Farmer42
2008-02-13, 11:26 PM
I started out a lost, confused player with scraggly stubble and and unkempt beard. I have since grown manly and a powerful DM, with my porkchop sideburns of primal authority.

Zincorium
2008-02-13, 11:30 PM
While I'm not, due to uniform standards, allowed to have a full beard, I do have the world's worst 5 o'clock shadow. And back in the days when I played a lot more, I had a very nice goatee.

Well, I was proud of it anyway, not too many 13 year olds have more than a few straggly hairs.

Admiral Squish
2008-02-13, 11:32 PM
I have five-week shadow.

metalbear
2008-02-13, 11:40 PM
I used to get by as a noob with but a mere goatee, but in time as I began to understand to game more, I was able to grow a full and glorious beard. This beard soon became the envy of my gaming friends, and for some inexplicable reason I had become the party leader (even though I missed about one out of every three gaming sessions). The beard gave me a greater authority that transends little things like experience in playing the game or knowledge of the game mechanics.

SilentNight
2008-02-13, 11:45 PM
Grow it big and store your dice.:smallbiggrin:

Swordguy
2008-02-13, 11:52 PM
Meh. I grew mine when I started working Ren Faires years ago and got used to it. RPGs had nothing to do with it (I really missed it during my Army days - I grew it back as soon as I was discharged).

Durendal
2008-02-13, 11:54 PM
I'm currently rocking the soul patch, but it was originally a full goatee that I used to unconsciuosly stroke at the game table whenever something perplexing came up.

Mewtarthio
2008-02-14, 12:08 AM
I've found, as the night goes on and I experience more as a player/DM and get more "in" the role, my beard grows noticably larger.

...!

...I will not make a dirty joke... I will not make a dirty joke...

Worira
2008-02-14, 12:37 AM
Mandatory reference. (http://drmcninja.com/page.php?pageNum=12&issue=10)

theMycon
2008-02-14, 12:45 AM
...!

...I will not make a dirty joke... I will not make a dirty joke...
A note to those following my last posted thread- the DM is meeting me for "coffee" later this morning (Valentines), we're probably watching a movie "for class" after that, and we're hanging out for a few hours later on, before he goes out to dinner at late-night half-off-Indian with the mentioned "girlfriend". And he is an unbelievably sexy man, IMO, so...

There's now triple entendre with a "growing beard" when we refer to my table. Any dirty jokes made will actually be ironic understatement.

evisiron
2008-02-14, 01:04 AM
I wanted to argue with the beard idea, but the only people in my normal group without beards are the girls!
Oh, and that one guy no one listens to...


As for uses, the beard can catch fallen foodstuffs, leading to a higher level of consumed energy by the bearer of the beard.

And yes, I have a beard :smallbiggrin:

Admiral Squish
2008-02-14, 01:47 AM
My beard is a psionic power, and my chest hair eats people.

Krusty Kobold
2008-02-14, 02:22 AM
I do not have a beard due to occupational reasons and tend to remain clean shaven, yet I was the acting strategist, comic relief and all around butt kicker in my last party.

I wonder if this is a corrolation to the fact that kobolds (character race) tend to be called "poo" for brains and smart "butts" leading one to believe that their brains are then in their rears. I do scratch my butt when thinking, in character of course.

hmm... interesting.

Would i then be immune to mind flayer brain eating. Does this also mean i go off the length, fullness, and style of my butt hair. I hope not

Maxymiuk
2008-02-14, 02:32 AM
Without my beard (I shaved it off a couple days ago just to remind myself how I look without it) I'm just a somewhat pudgy shlub. With it, I look like a cross between the best (or worst?) qualities of a Gypsy, a Viking, and a highway bandit.

I've had people run from me when I smiled at them from under my beard. Hells yeah I'm growing it right back.

Shademan
2008-02-14, 03:03 AM
i want a sly-looking flippbeard.
but currently all i get is like... three long strains of hair popping outta my chin.
beardgrowth comes late in my familly. but when it DO comes it gets MIGHTY!

Khanderas
2008-02-14, 03:07 AM
Mandatory reference. (http://drmcninja.com/page.php?pageNum=12&issue=10)
Curses !
I was gonna do that !
Well played Sir.... Well played... :smallannoyed:

UndeadJames
2008-02-14, 03:14 AM
Alas, in my new campaign. there is only one male player so far, and I'm DMing, so the remaining three players can neither grow beards, nor fall under the power of the beard. Those of the female persuasion seem immune to the mind-controlling aura of a well-grown beard.


Does this apply to DMs too? Maybe my scruffy 5 o'clock shadow helps me narrate better. Or is it simply a sign of spending countless hours preparing statblocks? D:

Yes, always. If anything, DMs should have the most spectacular facial plumage.


I started out a lost, confused player with scraggly stubble and and unkempt beard. I have since grown manly and a powerful DM, with my porkchop sideburns of primal authority.

Congratulations on your move up the food chain =]]


As for uses, the beard can catch fallen foodstuffs, leading to a higher level of consumed energy by the bearer of the beard.

Alas. my beard is kept trimmed to deter food particles from clinging to said beard. I couldn't think of anything worse than clots of soup hanging from any hairy region of myself.


i want a sly-looking flippbeard.
but currently all i get is like... three long strains of hair popping outta my chin.
beardgrowth comes late in my familly. but when it DO comes it gets MIGHTY

Your day will come, oh yes, your day will come.

theMycon
2008-02-14, 04:51 AM
My (rather stoned) friend Sean looks at this thread, thinks double-entendre, and says "so... gay dudes with girlfriends respect whoever has the fattest girlfriend? Is that like, 'I can still get interested in uglier chicks, so I'm closest to straight. Therefore, you should want me more.' or somethin?"

How I love the fratboy thinking process.

Eldmor
2008-02-14, 05:37 AM
I have attempted to grow the legendary Beard of Intellect but I have come across something far more interesting. My hair seems to grow uneven along the jawline and made a vague pattern. Then I consulted the local Magewright to cast Identify on it in case of some magical malady. To my amazement, I am the possessor of the first Stripes of the Zebrafolk.

Admiral Squish
2008-02-14, 06:02 AM
Appropriately masculine beards are like masterwork tools, but they work for every check EVER.


My beard is weird. I haven't cut it in months, yet it refuses to move beyond it's pupal stage. It's too long for five-o'-clock shadow, but too short for a full beard. I am saddened.

Armoury99
2008-02-14, 06:23 AM
"He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man."
- William Shakespeare

But taking an honestly dispassionate and scientific view... since I grew my goatee, I am more evil.

On the other hand, maybe that's something to do with the fact that my girlfriend won't kiss me anymore.

Swooper
2008-02-14, 06:57 AM
Now I feel weird. No-one in my group grows a beard. Those of us that can, shave.

I did grow a goatee for a larp session once, though... I was playing Merlin, and I got my powers from the devil, so I had to :smalltongue:

Roderick_BR
2008-02-14, 09:23 AM
My beard is a psionic power, and my chest hair eats people.
Mine casts magic missiles. In the darkness.
And my arm hair can deflect bullets. Not really. But would be cool. Though I'd look like Wonder Woman... a bearded Wonder Woman... hmm... no.

I should let my beard grow again. It grows very quickly. My brother takes twice the time to grow a beard as big, and is not as thick.

MorkaisChosen
2008-02-14, 09:59 AM
Interestingly, since I started playing D&D more, my facial hair has advanced from "ridiculous proto-moustache" to "ridiculous proto-moustache and slightly bristly cheeks." Mysterious...

(I shave it all off, by the way)

Kioran
2008-02-14, 10:23 AM
Harhar - my magnificient full beard confers upon me unique powers of strategy and cogitation (i.e.: I´m one of two guys halfway capable of optimizing), apart from immense awesomeness.

Yay for beards!

DrummingDM
2008-02-14, 10:43 AM
The Exception that Proves the Rule: The two most rules-savvy, and party-leaderish players in my group are COMPLETELY BEARDLESS. All other males (even players who have joined us for a session or two here and there) possess at least a modicum of facial hair!

GASP!

daggaz
2008-02-14, 10:59 AM
Two things I always take with me to my game..

1. My beard.
2. Beer

Coincidentally, I do play a lot of dwarves.. =)

Subotei
2008-02-14, 11:00 AM
The Exception that Proves the Rule: The two most rules-savvy, and party-leaderish players in my group are COMPLETELY BEARDLESS.

Mmm - they must be bearded on the inside... well where else does the hair come from?

I have a full beard - I've gone steady, not cross-classed or anything.

Some inspiration for those of you tempted to go for an Epic level campaign:

http://www.handlebarclub.co.uk/wbmcwinners.shtml

Worira
2008-02-14, 12:22 PM
http://www.handlebarclub.co.uk/wbmcwin/jurgenburkhardt.jpg

Jürgen Burkhardt's sideburns once fought off the entire army of Belgium.

Baxbart
2008-02-14, 12:44 PM
Meh. I grew mine when I started working Ren Faires years ago and got used to it. RPGs had nothing to do with it (I really missed it during my Army days - I grew it back as soon as I was discharged).

...


Thats what the Beard wanted you to think.

All hail the Beard!

Venerable
2008-02-14, 08:49 PM
Beard = automatic +1 to +5 to Intimidate checks, dependent on length, fullness, and amount of stuff stuck in it.

When another player does something stupid* all I have to do is lower my head a degree or two, lower my brow, and stare at them. The room gets very quiet when this happens.

I've got a foot-length beard. Intimidate +4, baby. :smallamused:


*To their credit, this pretty much never happens. But I have used The Stare on them a few times for comic effect.

Ashes
2008-02-15, 07:57 AM
Well, in my group three of us have a beard, two are either growing one or just being scruffy, and the last guy is totally clean-shaven.
I'd say that the clean guy, one of the scruffy ones (the DM) and myself (full beard, trimmed quite short though) are the "best" players, and take the most initiative. The other scruffy guy and one the other beardy guys are pretty good too, but usually assume more follower-like roles.

The last bearded one... Well, he still doesn't know the rules, and don't seem like he can be bothered to. He's not a very good player, and usually just sits there.

Project_Mayhem
2008-02-15, 10:42 AM
In my gaming group:

The halfling rogue, played by the only bearded player, is the boss.

The very bearded shifter barbarian, played by me with no beard is the second in command.

The non-bearded elven ranger, played by a non-bearded player sucks.

As does the non bearded gnome druid, played by another non bearded player.

However, the bearded dire badger companion of said druid is a solid reliable member of the party.

So, I postulate the following hierarchy of beardedness and effectiveness:

1) Bearded characters with bearded players
2) Non-bearded characters with bearded players
3) Bearded Characters with non-bearded players
4) Non-bearded characters with non-bearded players
5) Monks

Krusty Kobold
2008-02-15, 07:13 PM
... what aboud bearded monks???

and kobolds with horn goatees...

oh my god my character does have a beard...






i submit to the power of the beard.

Cuddly
2008-02-15, 07:27 PM
Yeah, my D&D playing really picked up this year, and I have a full blown chin beard. It's pretty disgustingly scraggly. Good thing I don't care if my girlfriend cares.

As for pecking order, I am the bearded DM, and the only one who rivals my authority is the 20-something law student who has been playing since 1st edition and has a beard.