Worst Lines

[Ethrael]

What is the worst line you've read/seen/heard? Whether it's ruined a character in a film or made you laugh at a funeral, post it here!!!!

((Apologies if this has been done before))

Mine: Halle Berry as Storm to Toad in X-men: "Do you know what happens to a toad when it's struck by lightning?
*Looks up into sky where a storm is brewing*
The same thing that happens to everything else!"
*Hits him with lightning*.

Completely ruined Storm for me, she was and is my favourite X-man but that just made me cry.

[Mewtarthio]

Michael Chricton may not be known for halfway-decent writing, but a scene in Timeline makes the rest of his works look like Shakespearian tragedies:

Scene: The female character has pinned a villain onto the rafters. He's dangling over a very large drop, held up only by the knife through his hand. This leads to the following exchange:

VILLAIN: "Rot in hell!"

HEROINE: "You first!" *removes knife*

...I have no further comment. Except that I've got no idea how the movie managed to be even cheesier.

[SurlySeraph]

"My hands! My hands! You took away my hands... show mercy?"

From the Daredevil movie. It doesn't make much more sense in context, either.

[Darth Mario]

The last line in Spiderman 2, MJ to Peter Parker:

"Go get em, Tiger."

And then they go and REPEAT it all throughout Spiderman 3.

[BlackStaticWolf]

Mine: Halle Berry as Storm to Toad in X-men: "Do you know what happens to a toad when it's struck by lightning?
*Looks up into sky where a storm is brewing*
The same thing that happens to everything else!"
*Hits him with lightning*.

Completely ruined Storm for me, she was and is my favourite X-man but that just made me cry.

That WAS pretty bad... I mean... with that set up, you're supposed to say "It croaks!"

Not "The same thing that happens to everything else!"

The whole point in that set up is to deliver a pun that makes the audience groan and chuckle despite themselves.

[Mewtarthio]

"My hands! My hands! You took away my hands... show mercy?"

From the Daredevil movie. It doesn't make much more sense in context, either.

I think the fact that it happened in a church, and then Bullseye spread his arms out in a crucifix-style pose as though he'd suddenly acquired stigmata, really put it over the top. Are they saying that Bullseye = Jesus? Or did they just figure, "Hey, we've got a fight in a church that ends with the villain getting wounded in his hands! Let's throw in a Jesus pose as well!"

Another thing to add: From The World Is Not Enough:

"Welcome to my nuclear family!"

That line made no sense at all. Um, they're on a nuclear sub that's being used as a nuclear bomb, so...? What's worse is that it's put less than ten minutes after the brilliant exchange with Elektra ("You couldn't kill me, James. You'd miss me." *BLAM* "I never miss.").

[Zencao]

I think the fact that it happened in a church, and then Bullseye spread his arms out in a crucifix-style pose as though he'd suddenly acquired stigmata, really put it over the top. Are they saying that Bullseye = Jesus? Or did they just figure, "Hey, we've got a fight in a church that ends with the villain getting wounded in his hands! Let's throw in a Jesus pose as well!"

Another thing to add: From The World Is Not Enough:

"Welcome to my nuclear family!"

That line made no sense at all. Um, they're on a nuclear sub that's being used as a nuclear bomb, so...? What's worse is that it's put less than ten minutes after the brilliant exchange with Elektra ("You couldn't kill me, James. You'd miss me." *BLAM* "I never miss.").

A 'nuclear family' is a family of one son, one daughter, a mother father and a cat and dog. It's meant to be the 'perfect family'

And note that the last one is an awesome line, if only by the fact that bond said it.

[Verruckt]

soccer mom to token hardass marine chick
"don't be crazy- the government doesn't lie to people!"

from avp2, i'm not sure if thats the best or worst line in the movie, it made me cackle.

[Mewtarthio]

A 'nuclear family' is a family of one son, one daughter, a mother father and a cat and dog. It's meant to be the 'perfect family'

And note that the last one is an awesome line, if only by the fact that bond said it.

I know what a nuclear family is; I just have no idea why Renard would bring it up at that point. If he was in the middle of some sort of cliched plot like marrying Bond's mother or if he'd just revealed himself to be Bond's brother or even if Elektra was Bond's sister (squicky!) it would have made some modicum of sense, but you can't just throw out random words that are vaguely related to the situation at hand and expect to be considered clever. It would be like having a climactic fight at the base of the Statue of Liberty opening with the line, "Buy two pizzas, and the third is free!"

For the record, I wasn't being sarcastic when I described Bond's exchange with Elektra as "brilliant." Renard's line is so cheesy because not only because it makes no sense but also because it's standing right after a really good line (and right before Bond pulls a particularly nasty taunt out of Renard's catch phrase).

[mikeloop86]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6i2WRreARo


End Topic :smallcool:

[Joran]

From Casino Royale:

Vesper Lynd: You're not going to let me in there, are you? You've got your armour back on. That's that.
James Bond: I have no armour left. You've stripped it from me. Whatever is left of me - whatever is left of me - whatever I am - I'm yours.

From Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith:

Padmé: Hold me, like you did by the lake on Naboo; so long ago when there was nothing but our love. No politics, no plotting, no war.

I'm fairly sure people don't talk like this...

[Kneenibble]

Yeah... that's why they're called characters, dude. I'm pretty sure people also don't wield swords with blades made of energy and fly fighter planes in outer space too.

I'm not saying it isn't bad writing, though.



I like the movie Willow a lot, but the worst damn line in the whole movie that just kills the mood when they're about to storm Bavmorda's castle, and Willow starts talking about gophers.
Madmardigan: "Willow, this is warfare, not agriculture!"
...and it's delivered so self-consciously, too, like, "Okay, you retard director, I know this is the worst line in the movie and I'm not even going to pretend I don't know it."

[Freshmeat]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6i2WRreARo


End Topic :smallcool:

...
He's right, people.

Nothing can top that.

[Emperor Ing]

...
He's right, people.

Nothing can top that.

O rly? (http://youtube.com/results?search_query=Legend+of+Zelda+CDi&search_type=)
...
end topic

[Illiterate Scribe]

O rly? (http://youtube.com/results?search_query=Legend+of+Zelda+CDi&search_type=)
...
end topic

HIVEMIND! I was just about to say that.

Actually, I'd say that everything else in this thread is stomped underfoot by the mighty opus of the greatest fanfiction writer ever:

Peter Chimaera. (http://www.fanfiction.net/u/181593/)

I'll quote his finest hour


"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.

Deep.

[ShinyRocks]

You can sort of see what they were doing with the Storm line - setting up a bad pun and then not delivering it can work really well. There, it did not.

From an awful movie called Sunshine, a family sitting around the dinner table and sing, one says, 'Oh lord, let us always please keep singing.' Just clumsy and clunky and BAD.

Talking of Star Wars, I particularly love Padme's reaction to Anakin killing the Sandpeople.
It's basically:

Anakin: 'I killed them! I killed them all like the vermin they are! The women and children too!'
Padme: 'I have never wanted you more.'

[Serpentine]

Speaking of Star Wars. Third of the new movies, Anakin's last line in the whole thing.
Srsly.

Also: Nearly all the dialogue in the second two of Cecilia Dart-Thornton's series that starts with The Ill-Made Mute.

[averagejoe]

The Fellowship of the Ring film:

Nazgul: Surrender the halfling, she-elf.
Arwen: If you want him, come and claim him!

Ahaha, get it? Because, the cleche line is come and get him, but to make it all medival-y they put claim instead. Most of the writing in those movies was pretty bad, but this part just causes me physical pain.

[SolkaTruesilver]

Ahaha, get it? Because, the cleche line is come and get him, but to make it all medival-y they put claim instead. Most of the writing in those movies was pretty bad, but this part just causes me physical pain.

Well... I am sorry to say, but I find the new lines way better than the old one. It sure sounded awesome in the trailers

[TheTruth]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6i2WRreARo


End Topic :smallcool:

Nicolas Cage > Steven Seagal

That was awesome.

[Da Beast]

From the game Tales of Symphonia

Regal: "What is this ominous light that threatens to engulf us?!?"

[averagejoe]

Well... I am sorry to say, but I find the new lines way better than the old one. It sure sounded awesome in the trailers

I'm sure it was a good line for the first thousand or so movies/comic books/novels that used it, but there's no excuse to use it ever again, except if it's funny. Wait, I take that back. It probably started out passable, at best, not good, but then it got cleched to death. And to death. And to death. It's spectacularly unimaginative, and especially in context, where they could have just stolen a much better line from Tolkien, such a thing is inexcusable.

Which isn't to say I hate that the movie is different from the book per se; I'm just saying that the screenwriters obviously put no thought at all into this line, and they might as well have just stolen it if that was the case.

The "claim" thing still bugs me too. Or, really, any time in those movies when they try to make the speech all Tolkien or medeval or whatever. It always just comes out forced, obvious and bad.

[Cyrano]

Peter Chimaera. (http://www.fanfiction.net/u/181593/)

Uh, dude? This is a WORST lines thread. Peter is amazing. Read his Halo fanfic...that is just...I laughed, I cried, I learned solar physics.

[feghoot]

The weather beaten trail wound ahead into the dust racked climes of the baren land which dominates large portions of the Norgolian empire. Age worn hoof prints smothered by the sifting sands of time shone dully against the dust splattered crust of earth. The tireless sun cast its parching rays of incandescense from overhead, half way through its daily revolution.

Thus begins THE EYE OF ARGON by Jim Theis, a story where every sentence is the worst line ever. Think about that for a minute.


Also,

That WAS pretty bad... I mean... with that set up, you're supposed to say "It croaks!"
That was beautiful, it made my day.

[Trazoi]

From the game Tales of Symphonia

Regal: "What is this ominous light that threatens to engulf us?!?"
There are tons of bad lines in translated RPGs. The one that strikes my mind first is a line near the beginning of Grandia II, when the hero, a mercenary named Ryudo and his talking bird sidekick Skye return to the starting town of Carbo and meet Millenia for the first time. Millenia says some lines about how she doesn't like the town, then calls forth a magical lightning storm that darkens the sky and lays waste to the entire town around her in an impressive display of carnage.

Skye then chips in with "Careful Ryudo, she's dangerous!"

Yeah, thanks for that insight, eagle eye. I never would have figured that one out for myself.

[Mr._Blinky]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6i2WRreARo


End Topic :smallcool:

Oh God, that is hilarious.:smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin:

[GrassyGnoll]

Oh if only you guys were in my physics class.

"Hey baby, I'm made of sugar so I stayed in all weekend" You don't want to know
"I'll show you my big and nasty [equation] if you'll show me yours"
"Why a fish?" Regarding elevators and the things inside them
"Ah, Jesus tits"
"Fuggin' Buddha gooch"
And the exploits of Kepler as the mysterious "traveling mathematician"

[feghoot]

You know, in retrospect my "line" was a description rather than a line of dialogue. I just thought of it as a line because its supposed to be read aloud.

Oh well, here's the first two lines from the story.


"Prepare to embrace your creators in the stygian haunts of
hell, barbarian", gasped the first soldier.
"Only after you have kissed the fleeting stead of death,
wretch!" returned Grignr.

[Dumbledore lives]

There are a couple of lines in the Harry Potter movies. In the fourth there was "I love Magic". That line was just terrible. Also in the fifth there was, when they where walking along talking about breaking rules. "Who are you and what have you done with Hermione Granger?" These lines where just horrible. You where thinking , Did he just say that?:smallannoyed:

[BlackStaticWolf]

There are tons of bad lines in translated RPGs. The one that strikes my mind first is a line near the beginning of Grandia II, when the hero, a mercenary named Ryudo and his talking bird sidekick Skye return to the starting town of Carbo and meet Millenia for the first time. Millenia says some lines about how she doesn't like the town, then calls forth a magical lightning storm that darkens the sky and lays waste to the entire town around her in an impressive display of carnage.

Skye then chips in with "Careful Ryudo, she's dangerous!"

Yeah, thanks for that insight, eagle eye. I never would have figured that one out for myself.


To be perfectly fair... such blistering statements of the obvious occur quite often in real life too.

For example, while he was teaching my sister to drive, my father uttered the following gem of brilliance:

"Remember, going backwards is the opposite of going forwards."

[Nerd-o-rama]

There are a couple of lines in the Harry Potter movies. In the fourth there was "I love Magic". That line was just terrible. Also in the fifth there was, when they where walking along talking about breaking rules. "Who are you and what have you done with Hermione Granger?" These lines where just horrible. You where thinking , Did he just say that?:smallannoyed:
I say things like the second one all the time...maybe not in that exact context.

Discounting lines translated from silly foreign languages (or abuses of foreign languages)...honestly, the Eye of Argon wins it. You can't beat it for sheer crappiness.

[Raider]

Just watch the Disney channel for a few minutes..........who writes that stuff?

[Mewtarthio]

Just watch the Disney channel for a few minutes..........who writes that stuff?

I've got this theory that it's all intentional. Disney Channel gets its stars young, and does its best to keep holding on to them until they've squeezed every last drop of talent from their bodies, and then reanimates their dessicated, withered souls to run around acting like twelve-year-olds on TV. Figuratively speaking, of course. Basically, they intentionally make their TV shows so horrible that anyone connected with Disney Channel acquires a horrible, irrevocable stigma that can never cleansed from their record. They're damaged goods, and whenever they try to leave, they discover that humanity shuns them, the only options available to them to starve and expire unmourned in a gutter somewhere or run back into the embrace of the cold, rubbery tentacles of the Disney Corporation.

Or maybe they've realized that they automatically sell whatever they put out, so they've stopped caring about quality.

[GrassyGnoll]

I've got this theory that it's all intentional. Disney Channel gets its stars young, and does its best to keep holding on to them until they've squeezed every last drop of talent from their bodies, and then reanimates their dessicated, withered souls to run around acting like twelve-year-olds on TV. Figuratively speaking, of course. Basically, they intentionally make their TV shows so horrible that anyone connected with Disney Channel acquires a horrible, irrevocable stigma that can never cleansed from their record. They're damaged goods, and whenever they try to leave, they discover that humanity shuns them, the only options available to them to starve and expire unmourned in a gutter somewhere or run back into the embrace of the cold, rubbery tentacles of the Disney Corporation.

Or maybe they've realized that they automatically sell whatever they put out, so they've stopped caring about quality.

I prefer the first idea, it explains why the guy who played Kenan never did anything else.

[Kjata]

I prefer the first idea, it explains why the guy who played Kenan never did anything else.

1) Nickelodeon (sp?), not Disney.
2)Ahem, BULLSH**! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenan_Thompson)

[Premsyl]

Kenan was Nickelodeon as stated, and he's starring in a movie this year called Wieners (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0800268/)

[CharlieSmiles]

Then where is Kel?

[Athaniar]

Worst line? Check this (http://youtube.com/watch?v=FPxY8lpYAUM).

Also, a piece of PeterChimera's HalfLife fanfiction. It's not that bad. If you've never read anything else before in your entire life, that is.



CHAPTER ONE: WHAT IT MEANS
Gordon Freechmen was studying in his was studying laboratoried.
Fellow scientist cow-orker Jimm said "Gordon Freemant what are you working on"
"UI have discovered new radoactive isatope but it is so vollatile that it does not have a half-life but quarter-life so we must observe with hasty"
Juts then a headcrab went on Jimms head OH NO WHERE DID HEADCRAB COME FROM! GHordon wents to get his crowbarb ut it was missing so hhad to borrow a claymore sword. He hits teh headcrab and Jimm was okay but his head was cut
"Watch where you swings at me just kidding thanks"
" HAha" They laughed
"Whait oh no where id isotop?"
"UIt is been stoled!"

Also:


ATUHOR'S NOSE:
Uncycylopedia (which is online encyclopidia like wikiped) said I was writing story called Quarter-Life: Halfway to Destruction and dontn't know where come but I decide to write anyway.

[averagejoe]

Quarter life? Eh... but... what... That's the most horrible thing in the history of things. :smallmad:

[Gaelbert]

To be fair, when going backwards, you steer backwards from what you do when you go forwards to get the same result.

[GrassyGnoll]

1) Nickelodeon (sp?), not Disney.
2)Ahem, BULLSH**! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenan_Thompson)

You got me there, same strategy though. For every Squarepants/Zim they put out there were 20 "slice of life" preteen shows.

Gee, sorry I overlooked Kenan's pivotal secondary role in Snakes on a Plane.

[BlackStaticWolf]

To be fair, when going backwards, you steer backwards from what you do when you go forwards to get the same result.

Yes, that is what he meant. But what he said was hilariously awesome.

[SurlySeraph]

Also, a piece of PeterChimera's HalfLife fanfiction. It's not that bad. If you've never read anything else before in your entire life, that is.

*dies*

And I thought that John Freeman (http://johnfreemanjohnfreemanjohnfreeman.ytmnd.com/) was bad fanfiction. That piece doesn't even count as writing.

[Tom_Violence]

You know, in retrospect my "line" was a description rather than a line of dialogue. I just thought of it as a line because its supposed to be read aloud.

Oh well, here's the first two lines from the story.

.

I feel strangely compelled to acquire a copy of this, as it sounds like it may well be full on hilarious.

Also, I'm pretty sure that that PeterChimera guy is rather intentionally having a laugh with his so-called 'writing', and you can't really call it 'bad' when its meant to be satire. This also takes away from a lot of the funny in it - its a lot less amusing when you realise that its just someone writing silly things to get a chuckle out of people.

[Helanna]

Alright, but be warned: If you want to read the Eye of Argon, try and find a version that has snarky and sarcastic comments inserted at convenient points. That is the only way I managed to get through the entire thing.

I have to agree with the Disney thing. Does anyone know exactly how long ago they stopped making classics and descended into an evil, mind-sucking corporation caring only for money?

[TwoBitWriter]

I know that by its very nature, the show is completely full of lines that just make you want to cry.

The show I am talkinga bout is American Gladiators.

The character by name of Wolf, who really overplays the name, has tons of cheesy lines. The best/worst of them all is:

"I smell blood, I smell fear, and I'm gonna eat you"

Its a big, muscular dude saying this to a much smaller guy. It just bugged me so much...

[Athaniar]

Alright, but be warned: If you want to read the Eye of Argon, try and find a version that has snarky and sarcastic comments inserted at convenient points.

I love snarky and sarcastic comments (therefore, I love the Agony Booth)! Can anybody link me such a version?

[13_CBS]

Behold, the worst Halo fanfic of all time. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2977058/1/)


Joe Chief had to fly fast and go a round tings liek alien ships and things. Then out of no where BOOM happend and the back of the espcape ship fell open n one of the army guys fell out and explodd in space then another one closed it and said "NOOOOO HE WAS MY BROTHER!" and then got tired and slept.

[Quezovercoatl]

I love snarky and sarcastic comments (therefore, I love the Agony Booth)! Can anybody link me such a version?

There is a MSTed ( http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MST) version here ( http://www.cowlark.com/parodies.dat/eye-of-argon-mst.html)

[feghoot]

Cool site Quezovercoatl. :smallsmile:

Here's the plain. (http://www.dcs.gla.ac.uk/SF-Archives/Misc/Eye_Of_The_Argon)

Edit: it helps if you get together with your friends and take turns reading it with each other.

[Sixscimitars]

We've come this far without mentioning that creepy "I don't like sand" line? Not to mention "are you an angel?" It's even parodied in KOTOR 2 with Atton's pick-up line being the same, then him wondering if some poor kid's ever going to use it.
Also:

Worst line? Check this (http://youtube.com/watch?v=FPxY8lpYAUM).

Also, a piece of PeterChimera's HalfLife fanfiction. It's not that bad. If you've never read anything else before in your entire life, that is.



Also:
AAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!! MAKE LINK STOP TALKING BEFORE I DESTROY MY OWN EARDRUMS WITH A PICKAXE!

[VanBuren]

We've come this far without mentioning that creepy "I don't like sand" line?
Also:

AAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!! MAKE LINK STOP TALKING BEFORE I DESTROY MY OWN EARDRUMS WITH A PICKAXE!

Well excuuuuse me, Princess!

[Sixscimitars]

:furious: GAAAAAHHHHHH:furious:

[Sixscimitars]

The Eye of Argon... just... *shudders*
At one point the main character, whose name is GRIGNER-no, that's not a typo- , tells someone he's not a barbarian when he's slaughtered every single person except that one who he...uuugh... Jim Theis should never be priveleged to detail human procreation.
On top of all that, he's a blatant Conan ripoff.
EDIT: Thanks, Death Dragon! I can't say if the pain was from sheer, side-splitting Narm (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Narm) or my brain trying to commit ritual suicide.

[Helanna]

I hate to say it, but yes, that actually is a typo. His name is Grignr - no 'e'. It would have made it too pronouncable.

Don't worry - we know what you're going through . . . the horror fades. Eventually.

[Emperor Ing]

at the end of the awesome anakin vs obi wan fight scene, the last dialogue just makes me cringe whenever I hear it



Obi-Wan: Its over Anakin. I have the high ground. (tolerable)
Anakin: You underestimate my power! (GAAAHH!! :smalleek: )

[AslanCross]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6i2WRreARo


End Topic :smallcool:

LOL XD

"NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEES! MY EYES! MY EYES! BLAARGHGHG!"

[Zenos]

Behold, the worst Halo fanfic of all time. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2977058/1/)

Oh my god!
Oh my god!:smalleek:
Was that written by an eight year old or something? No, wait.
Eight year olds learn some grammar at least.

[AslanCross]

All of Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way's Harry Potter self-insert fanfics are composed entirely of bad lines.

Warning for content that tries very hard to be explicit, but is just so phenomenally bad that it doesn't really matter.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2828044/1/

[Mewtarthio]

at the end of the awesome anakin vs obi wan fight scene, the last dialogue just makes me cringe whenever I hear it

I can accept some poor lines from Anakin, given that he's stark raving mad at the time (plus he's not exactly got a good track record to begin with). However, I can't ignore the line from Obi-Wan before the battle, if only for the glorious irony:

"Only a Sith deals in absolutes!"

Translation: "You see everything in stark black-and-white, with no room for compromise! That makes you EVIL! EVIL! Die, die, die!"

[The Rose Dragon]

LOL XD

"NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEES! MY EYES! MY EYES! BLAARGHGHG!"

"Wow, plot thickens. Didn't even know you had a plot."

"No kidding."

That may be the greatest and truest line ever uttered by Nick Cage.

And you thought the guy couldn't act.

[Celitholar]

O rly? (http://youtube.com/results?search_query=Legend+of+Zelda+CDi&search_type=)
...
end topic

MY EYES!!! IT BURNS!!

[Squidmaster]

This entire thread makes me want to cry. Particularily the half-life and harry potter fanfic

[VanBuren]

HIVEMIND! I was just about to say that.

Actually, I'd say that everything else in this thread is stomped underfoot by the mighty opus of the greatest fanfiction writer ever:

Peter Chimaera. (http://www.fanfiction.net/u/181593/)

I'll quote his finest hour


Deep.

You know what? Somebody on YTMND decided to make it into an audiobook of sorts.

http://fanfictionredux.ytmnd.com/

EDIT: That actually seems to be a fairly common practice with his works on YTMND. Apparently several of them have been dramatically read.

[VanBuren]

Worst line? Check this (http://youtube.com/watch?v=FPxY8lpYAUM).

Also, a piece of PeterChimera's HalfLife fanfiction. It's not that bad. If you've never read anything else before in your entire life, that is.

It got such great reviews though.


Quarter-Life: Halfway to Destruction - Review

...I really have trouble finding words to describe Peter Chimaera's latest piece. I guess I'll just put simply "by far, the greatest fanfic (no, forget fanfiction, fiction ITSELF) I have ever read". The way it was written, the characters, it just inspired me to pick up a pen and write my own stories.

There was a tense, heart-stopping atmosphere throughout the whole piece. The expertise with which Chimaera manoeuvers his settings, his characters, you actually care about them. One character, I must point out, that Chimaera truly fleshed out was Jimm. Jimm is the co-worker of Gordon Freeman, and the subtle ways in which you slowly come to know and love this troubled, though caring, man are one of the cleverest of recent times.

The shocking, ruthless end of the poor soul in the penultimate chapter where he is killed by his very own project shows how Chimaera has absolutely brutalised the whole story and turned it into a relentless, anything-can-happen world of pain, which the protagonist Gordon Freeman must best with his wits and stamina.

Cliffhangers may be considered a cliché in modern day writing, but Chimaera simply grabs this ignorant statement and crushes it beneath his feet. The end of the story, which sees Dallas steered from harm's way, suddenly sees one more, final conflict between Gordon and a mystery man, all in a single line of speech. The story ends uncertainly, and Chimaera leaves the very last section of the story to the reader's decision.

Following classics such as "DIGIMON SAVEZ THE WROLD!!1" (Chimaera's stunning debut as a professional author) and "Doom: Repercussions of Evil" (widely regarded as one of the greatest fictions of all time) Peter Chimaera has once again proven that no author can even hope to touch the professionalism of his writing and that through tension, atmosphere and loss, the modern-day library of books has no need of the cutesy, pathetic stories that litter the place when Chimaera is around.

99.8/100


Well I'll start off this review by commenting on the parts of this story I truly thought were fantastic. The first is the your ability to draw me in with the great amount of scientific detail. If you dont truly know your stuff then you did a fantastic job of camoflaging it! I was especially immersed in the monologue of Gordon Freeman as he explained to Jimm that an isotope with a quarterlife had been created. Great job in that aspect! I would also like to commend you on the sudden inclusion of the head crab in the story. The lack of buildup towards such an occurance practically made me leap from my very seat! This battle scene was engaging and exciting and had me on the edge of my seat for the entirety. The comic relief brought about my the character Jim gave me just enough time to recover from the auxilerating battle before you thrust us once again into the meat of the story with the stolen Isotope. The final thing I would like to commend you on however not at all the least was your creative and ingenious ending to your story. I never would have been able to concieve such an ending. Mostly because the dropping of Dallas into the ocean would most likely cause every citizen to die either by drowning or by predatory fish.

However you may want to add a little bit more butter if you know what im saying. Obviously you my good sir can believe it's butter. I would also add a bit more meat to this masterpeice. Maybe a little hamburger or chicken. Add a couple more condiments such as cheese tomatos and lettuce. Before you know it your plain bread will become a royale with cheese. THATS A TASTY BURGER!


the way you tell this story and craft such intricate plot details intrigues me to no end. I occaisionally frogot that this was, in fact, a work of fan fiction. The plot twists happened both so conveniently and brilliantly. I was literally on the edge of my seat when the headcrab attacked. And my thirst for action was quenched when Gordon heroicly used the calymore to save his ally's life. Needless to say, i was also captivated by how beautifully you weaved the remainder of the story; it was sheer briliance when the isotope was mysteriously stolen and the quest to retrieve it began. It was depressingly tragic with the death of a man as great as jimm. And the ending was cataclysmic, leaving me wanting a sequel as soon as possible. Even if it would only be half as good as this one, it wouldn't disappoint even the most pessimistic person in existance.


This story is a gripping, pulse pounding, edge of your seat, high octane rollercoaster, that will keep you guessing until the very end and then some. The first chapter is an action-packed buddy comedy that will remind readers of their childhood and the friends they had at the time. The relationship between Gordon and Jim clearly goes back some time.

The Second chapter is when the story kicks off the main thread. The villianous plot will grip you by the back of your neck and will refuse to let go. The loss experienced here leaves a profound effect on the reader when one of the characters experiences a tragic loss.

The final chapter is the miracle moment that ties the whole story together. The everyman like resourcefulness of the main character connects deeply with the reader. The author kept the conclusion of this chapter as rooted to reality as he could.

This author has a clearly distinct style such as a writer of the caliber of Stephen King. This saga has the potential to rival the "Lord of the Rings" series. This story seems similar to a concept that Stephen King himself mentioned in a recent interview.

This is the story he mentioned in fact. You sir must have stolen a manuscript from Stephen King. Sir I commend you on the cunning and guile that had been required to steal this manuscript. I award you a "Dirty Double Cross" for this. I rate your story as a Pulitzer Prize/10 and I await anxiously for your next installment into this great series.


After that wonderful extravaganza called "Desert Bus Ride", Chimaera returns to his usual, more mainstream oriented works. Sadly, this looked like more like a commision work, something to put food in his table until he can afford to let loose his more artistic side.

Although that does not mean it was bad, by any means. Far from it, we can still find his genius in sentences like "and teh room was slowly become vaporize", and the shocking "but Jimm was already blowed to smitheroons".

Chimaera mixes lighthearted moments with terribly powerful and thrilling scenes which makes for a rollercoaster of reading fun. His newfound skill for humor also hits the mark, moreso when he uses it to relieve tension after a particularly chilling scene. Only a few awkward moments detract from what it is otherwise a great novel.

Two thumbs up.


Peter Chimaera has done it again! In the work of art known as Quarterlife: Halfway to Destruction, Chimaera provides a subtle allegory for the turmoil of 1960's America. He fully captures the paranoia of the Cold War with the sudden appearance of the Headcrab, which would appear to represent soviet agents. He paints a beautiful image of the final fight in Chapter Two in which he writes "Gordon and Jimm arrived at teh alien scene where a bad guy from the game said...". The utter sense of urgency is very well captured in this page turner. If you have a spare two minutes, make sure you read this masterpiece of literary fiction.

[Archpaladin Zousha]

Here's my selection, from so many movies I forget which ones:

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOO*gasp*OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

If you read that whole thing, then you have more patience than I do.

[TheEmerged]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6i2WRreARo


End Topic :smallcool:

You owe me some braincells, Mike... :smalltongue:

[TheRiov]

Oh there are worse lines out there.

From the Star Trek Series episode "Spock's Brain." (the title alone was bad enough)


McCoy: "Jim.... his brain is gone...."


As well as the following turkeys:



Kara: "Brain and brain! What is brain?"




Kara: "You are not Morg.... You are not Eyemorg!"


http://www.cbs.com/classics/star_trek/video/video.php?cid=649548575&pid=dOpdEDA9UjNk17p_mGPiWOxKsiyHmRJF&play=true&cc=2

single worst episode of Star Trek ever... and that includes Star Trek Voyager which had Tom Paris Turn into a newt. Kidnapp Janeway. Turn her into a newt too. They have baby newts togeather. Then the crew helps Paris & Janeway get better. The baby newts they leave behind.

[Leper_Kahn]

They're eating her!

And then they are going to eat me!

Oh my god!
Dude... white is just meh... MEH I SAY!

[HamsterOfTheGod]

Keaton's opening line of "I'm Batman" in Burton's Batman.

Worst Batman EVER.

Worst superhero movie EVER.

Worst line in a movie EVER.

[HamsterOfTheGod]

Padme: We used to come here for school retreat. We would swim to that island every day. I love the water. We used to lie out on the sand and let the sun dry us and try to guess the names of the birds singing.

Anakin: I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything is soft and smooth.

From Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones

Worst romantic dialog EVER

Worst Anakin line EVER.

Second worst Star Wars movie EVER.

[Sixscimitars]

Dude... white is just meh... MEH I SAY!

No, actually, it's:
"They're eating her! And then they're going to eat me! Oh my GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I mean... the line's bad enough, but when you toss in 'Gosh' instead of 'God' (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/GoshDangitToHeck) it just becomes Episode 2 love scene bad.

[Jorkens]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6i2WRreARo


End Topic :smallcool:
Ha ha.

That said, the original had "killing me won't bring back your apples," which is genius in its way.

[ElfLad]

I can accept some poor lines from Anakin, given that he's stark raving mad at the time (plus he's not exactly got a good track record to begin with). However, I can't ignore the line from Obi-Wan before the battle, if only for the glorious irony:

"Only a Sith deals in absolutes!"

Translation: "You see everything in stark black-and-white, with no room for compromise! That makes you EVIL! EVIL! Die, die, die!"

"From my point of view, it is the Jedi who are evil!"

"From my point of view, your mother was a whore!"

"From my point of view, my mother was a saint! You take that back!"

Obama-Clinton Debates, 2008.

[Project_Mayhem]

Hang on, hang on, hang on.

I absolutely refuse to believe that the Peter Chimaera stories arent piss takes. There is absolutlely no way anybody over the age of three writes like that.

Except maybe Evil Elitist


And, my favorite bad line? It's more like bad translation, but in Battle Royal:

'Yeah, I was bummed after I quit baseball'

[InkEyes]

All of Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way's Harry Potter self-insert fanfics are composed entirely of bad lines.

Warning for content that tries very hard to be explicit, but is just so phenomenally bad that it doesn't really matter.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2828044/1/

I prefer the movie version (http://youtube.com/watch?v=Y2LmXUL5EuU), myself.

Best lines:

"Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn’t cause he had a headache. “What have you done!” He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) “Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists.”

"I jumped sexily in2 da Pensive."

"Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed ‘avril lavigne’ on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…………………………………DUMBLYDORE!"

"I ran suicidally to my room I sexily took a steak out."

and the Crème de la Crème

"Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen. He was wering long blak hair, kinda like Mikey Way only black. He had gren eyes like Billie Joe Amstrung and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans. It was…………………….Tom Bombodil!1111"

[Ghal Marak]

I spoke this gem while I was watching 'The Golden Compas'. It must have damaged me in some way for me to say the following.

I turned to my buddy next to me, and with all seriousness said "Well, either she is lying... or she is telling the truth." I didn't even realize how stupid that was untill he started laughing at me. :smallsigh:

[Project_Mayhem]

Oh no, I just read the gothic Harry Potter thing too. Now this one sounds like actual bad writing instead of a parody.

Gotta love the serious and emotional look at self harm


I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC

Thats powerfull

Or the romantic power of


He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko

[SurlySeraph]

Hang on, hang on, hang on.

I absolutely refuse to believe that the Peter Chimaera stories arent piss takes. There is absolutlely no way anybody over the age of three writes like that.

Except maybe Evil Elitist

No, nobody over the age of three. EE does have an inimical relationship with spelling, grammar, and punctuation, but his sentences make sense once you figure out the orthography.

I don't think the goth Harry Potter fanfic has the worst lines ever written (well, except "I jumped sexily in2 da Pensive," which hurt my soul), but it's a strong contender for worst ideas. Not to go all meta-textual analysis on you, but I'm going to go all meta-textual analysis on you. In Lord of the Rings, Gandalf the Grey's return as Gandalf the White was an emotionally powerful and symbolically rich moment. Dumbledore's return as Dumbledore the Black... erg. He's fighting a freakin' Dark Lord! Making him wear black just symbolically equates him with his enemy, suggesting a moral ambiguity that is clearly not the author's intention. Whitened hair can be seen as a gain in age and experience, and it doesn't screw up versimilitude because hair lightens naturally. Perhaps you could see Dumbledore's black hair as a symbolic return to his youth, but... but... it's stupid. It just is. And I'm just not going to touch the Avril Lavigne robe. Not going to even think about it. In fact, I didn't read that part. I completely overlooked it. No knowledge of it. I doubt it even existed. What's for lunch?

[thubby]

naruto dub: "believe it" *shotgun blast*