The Knight Rider Nightmare!

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Did anyone witness this travesty of television? UGH! First NBC took The Bionic Woman and butchered her beyond trilions of dollars worth of repair. Now they've taken yet another show I grew up with and massacred it.

I'll spoiler it to save space, as well as not reveal anyhting for anyone who DARES to try and watch it via repeat...or whatever.


Let's start with the fact that the commercials appeared to be rudely interrupted by a show. We were well-informed that the new KITT would be a Ford Mustang. But...well, does anyone remember Ford's slogan ages ago? "Have you Drive a Ford lately?" After attempting to watch this "movie," which I had hopes for, their slogan should be, "Have you been beaten over the head with a Ford lately?" If I was capable of driving, I'd head into a Ford dealership tomorrow and insist they PAY ME to drive one of their cars off the lot!

Okay...On with the show. The bad guys are bad. The leading lady is pretty and can act. The car can do nifty things...

Hang on. Before we do ANYTHING else, let's be sure to cast the leading man with an actor who has the emotional range of a toothbrush! Look, if you can't ACT like your mother was just killed, you can at least BE mad that your career has been murdered by your lack of talent! I'm not even talking about the writing. The "actor's" name is Justin Bruening, playing the role of Mike Traceur. The man has done soap operas. You'd think he could at least OVERact. Nope. The car, voiced by Val Kilmer, was a better actor...AND THE CAR IS TECHNICALLY A PROP!!!

BUT WAIT, there's less! Here we have the pretty car driving through pretty scenery. And here's some more shots of the pretty car in more pretty scenery. Oh! Wait! We have a moment where we might be able to have some story development? Let's replace it with this footage of the pretty car driving through some pretty scenery.

Oh, but then there's my favorite. Look, I don't mind if you want to use an up-and-coming band's music as part of a reactionary scene, where characters give meaningful looks to one another or do something that moves the story along. But I don't need a MUSIC VIDEO of the pretty car driving through some pretty scenery! It's like these dolts didn't learn from the mistake of The Bionic Woman, where they had music playing over the pretty girl batting her pretty eyes and working out. If I want a music video, I'll watch MTV...Oh, wait...they don't actually play music videos anymore, do they? :smallconfused:

Now to the writing. While I remain unpublished, I know just enough about it to rant. (This could take a while.)

I want to know...What genius thought the leading lady should bring up the "why did you leave me Mike" question while the man is relieving himself in the bushes?!? The question, all by itself, is awkward enough. Did the writers think it would be MORE awkward to ask while the man's bladder is being emptied? The whole aspect of the scene wasn't necessary. The xetended cut of Fellowship of the Ring is 208 minutes long, (that's 3 hours and 28 minutes), and not once did a hobbit say, "Hold up, everyone! I must go potty!"

Let me ask a question about the FBI agent. She's either bi or lesbian. Kudos for being chic. We're all very proud. She has a beach house and can surf. Nifty. These nuggets of information, however, moved the story forward...how? They show her surfing, come in, find what is supposed to be an obviously naked blonde woman in bed, and after a brief chat, FBI-woman is off to fight crime. The woman's sexual orientation didn't make me care any more or less about her, especially when they made it clear it was a one-night-stand. Her ability to surf certainly didn't help her fight the bad guys. And the beach house was pretty...which makes me wonder why they didn't drive the pretty car through it. :smallconfused:

Now, my studying on how to write a screenplay has taught me that the television variety should be written with a kind of mini-cliffhanger for the breaks. You want your audience to come back after the commercials, right? (See above to guess how many of these with which I had to deal.) Most of them were so cliché that a five-year-old could've predicted them. Allow me to demonstrate:

Some of the good guys have rented four motel rooms so that if the bad guys ever found them, they'd have to do some searching. The leading man and leading lady show up with the pretty car. The pretty car can lead the the leading man right to where the other good guys are holed up. Now we spend 30 seconds of showing a hand on a doorknob...a lock turning...a bad guy reaching for a door...the hiding good guys (with a revolver that seems to have come from nowhere)...a lock turning...another bad guy turning a key...a finger on the revolver's trigger...a hand on the doorknob...COMMERCIAL!

:elan: Dun dun DUN!

...we come back from commercial and we spend ANOTHER 30 seconds of showing a hand on a doorknob...a lock turning...etc., ad nauseum. They spent so much time trying to build suspense that I didn't care if Captain Kangaroo walked in and they shot him. (And I happen to LIKE Captain Kangaroo!) It's not real suspense anyway. The bad guys have to look. The good guy KNOWS where to go because the pretty car told him. So if the hero was at a door with a bad guy, the doorknob-turning would've stopped and there would've been a fight scene.

I can write poetry better than this tripe. Wanna see?


I love you.
I love you.
I love you so well.
If I had a peanut,
I'd give you the shell.

And my little Elan shtick there? No joke, after an hour of this nonsense and praying that it would magically improve, I was doing that...alone...in my apartment...disturbing my cat's sleep.

You would think that somewhere along the way, an NBC executive would say, "Hey! Let's stop trying to re-invent the wheel. We'll use the old, successful formula that worked decades ago, put modern technology to use so it looks even cooler, and we'll take it from there." Nope. Instead, it's more along the lines of, "Let's try to get a cast as large as The Lord of the Rings saga, with half of them talented and the rest just pretty faces, shove plot-lines A, B, C, and D down the audience's throat, along with sub-plots E, F, and G, as well as hinting at sub-sub-plots H and I, which might later link all other plots together, do nothing about character development, ensuring that no one in our audience could care less about the leads, and then guess on which date the investors all run for cover and we have to pull the plug."

It had potential. The commercials for the "movie" had me stoked for it. Instead, I got a 120 minute long Ford commercial. :smallyuk:

[factotum]

I find it somewhat amusing that you're criticising the main character for not being a good actor when the role in the original series was played by David Hasselhoff... :smallwink:

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Ah, the irony. "The Hoff," which is the only way of spelling the man's "name" I feel safe with, made a cameo. His bad acting could win awards compared to the lead.

And when did the Hoff get so...jowly? :smallconfused:

[estradling]

This is a can't win for losing situation...

Because if they had a lead actor that could act, took the focus away from the car, and had better plot, they would be accused of straying to far away from the source material. :)

[dehro]

Ah, the irony. "The Hoff," which is the only way of spelling the man's "name" I feel safe with, made a cameo. His bad acting could win awards compared to the lead.

And when did the Hoff get so...jowly? :smallconfused:

haven't seen this masterpiece of moviemaking (I'll pass, thank you) but about hasselhoff's jowls...
it could be a remnant of when he famously pulled what now is known as a hasselhoff (slobbering and gobbling down junk foood in a drunken stupor while lying on the floor)... or after this.. which is something I've always envied adam sandler for:
envy mode: full throttle (http://it.youtube.com/watch?v=HgiZ1BO2U9M)

[Raistlin1040]

...I liked it. *Hides*

[TheEmerged]

...I liked it. *Hides*

Why are you hiding? It's allowed. Any form of fandom will have people that like it, and people who believe it's their life's calling to insult it.

To the original poster, you're making two mistakes.

1> As others have pointed out, you appear to be judging the new series without taking into consideration the original series. With the exception of the female/female thing, everything you described would have fit right into the Hoff-era Knight Rider. It's rather like criticizing a new Sesame Street series for not properly displaying the pathos of Oscar.

2> Let me recommend a skill that will save your sanity now that you're studying screenwriting, or writing in general: turn "editor" mode off when viewing entertainment. The purpose of mindless entertainment like Knight Rider is to entertain, not to serve as a seminar on screenwriting. This skill takes a while to develop, it still kicks in on me when a movie/book starts to bore me.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Ahhhh! Points of discussion. This is why I come to these boards, and avoid the American Idol boards at all costs. (Ever been there? It's scary, man...scaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrryyyyyyy! :smalleek: )


In no order whatsoever....

Raistlin: Just because I went on a rant doesn't mean you have to be ashamed of liking it, or fear my wrath. (You should know how dangerous I am by now.) What I would ask for, however, are the reasons WHY you liked it.

Dehro: I have seen the pictures. The Hoff I grew up with is not the Hoff I know today. Then again, the Bor I grew up with isn't the Bor I am today. Funny how fame and fortune tend to make one decline, while poor health and poverty make one fight to improve. Go figure. :smallconfused:

Estradling: Because the car was an intergral part of the plot, and that there was plenty of dialogue with the car, I'm afraid I have to disagree. The writing for a character that is supposed to be purely AI was great. That "tons of knowledge with great innocence" has worked for KITT of the past, Data, Sonny in I, Robot, and probably numerous other characters I don't know about. Because the car was a focal point of the story and, quite often, the scene setting itself, the greatest actors in the world couldn't pull focus from the car.

As for the plot, I actually thought it was quite good, despite my ranting last night. It fed extremely well into the entire Knight Rider pathos. What killed it was what I would call "under-writing." As I said, the movie had SO MUCH potential, and it seems as though they took advantage of none of it. And the reason, I fear, is probably...AN EXECUTIVE!

:elan: Dun dun DUN!

From a marketing point of view, greater exposition into the Knight Rider of the past could have drawn an entire new generation into the old show. They could have piqued the curiosity of new viewers, and pulled on the nostolgic heartstrings of old viewers, enough to have DVD sales of the old show climb through the roof.

Unfortunately, the new car is a Ford Mustang. The show was sponsored by Ford. The script seemed to make a great effort to stay away from mentioning the old KITT as much as possible because it was a Pontiac Firebird. It received little mention, and...well, personally, I wouldn't have cared, even if I could drive. We see "product placement" all the time without realizing it. This movie's efforts were on the cusp of Wayne's World focus on sponsors. It would be nice if the folks in Hollywood realized their viewers have brains and can actually make choices of their own. :smallfrown:

TheEmerged: On your first point, if anything, I was thinking about the Hoff-era Knight Rider too much. They kept reaching backward over the years to touch on pieces of information, but failed to bring that information forward to build the story.

On your second point...Guilty as charged. I went into this viewing of a TV movie with nothing but hope. And I was pleasantly surprised when the opening sequence lasted more than two minutes. Then the commercials started, and the poor character development kicked in, followed by the "music videos," and before I knew it, "editor mode" was at full power. :smalleek:

Even if I could turn it off, which I confess I have a hard time doing, there are moments when something happens that SCREAMS for me to go into that mode. That scene of Mike trying to relieve himself and the girl starting a serious chat at that moment, for example. The editor in me believes we didn't need to know his bladder was full at all. But I think even the most common man looking for mindless entertainment and with no knowledge of how to write a screenplay must've though, "Dang, woman! Give the man a minute to empty out!"

As for my sanity...that was gone a loooooong time ago. :smalltongue:

[TheEmerged]

Ahhhh! Points of discussion. This is why I come to these boards, and avoid the American Idol boards at all costs. (Ever been there? It's scary, man...scaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrryyyyyyy! :smalleek: )

I played EQ. I play WoW. Believe me, American Idol has nothing on a MMORPG's "whineplay" boards :P

[Raistlin1040]

I've never seen the original Knight Rider, but I know what it was about. The plot was interesting, and today's special effects are good enough to pull it off. Visually, it was very appealing.

I rarely look at an actor/actress and go "Oh my god, s/he's terrible." I realize they're actors, and they're not actually in this situation, so I often grant them a bit of leeway when it's not the most realistic acting ever. And I disagree. I thought the actor who played Mike was fine. The actress who played Sarah was the one who I thought needed work.

Val Kilmer as KITT was awesome. Perfect voice/attitude for it. KITT was easily my favorite character (If you can call it that), and the scenery/music combo didn't bother me at all because I'm a music video junkie and would be more annoyed had there been no music.

All that said, I liked two of the characters. KITT and Mike were cool. Sarah was annoying. Charles was too confusing, but I suspect I'll like him more later. The FBI agent was boring, and seemed to have little idea of what she was doing.

edit: Bor, I think your problem is that you're overly nostalgic about it. You watched it as a kid/teen/young adult, and loved it because you were at that age. When I was six I liked Captain Planet. And I'd probably be at least a little interested if they made a new version. And if it sucked (Which I'm sure it would), I'd be pissed, and say how the old version was so much better.

Now, having not seen the original show, I don't know. But I'd suggest you go watch an old episode and ask yourself, "Was the new movie so bad and different? Or have I just grown up and had a change of tastes?"

[bluewind95]

I fear watching the new Knight Rider... because I absolutely loved the original one. And I'll want to see something similar to the original and if it's THAT different.... I'm afraid it will be hard for me to enjoy it.

[SpiderMew]

Atleast it wasnt as bad as Knight Rider 2000 (remember that peice of crap movie anyone?!?!?! If not its in the dvd box set for S1)

Of corse your going to have the best actor play the car, the show is all about the car.
The first show was all about the car.
The Hoff is only big because of Knight Rider....
Yes the acting was weak, yes the plot was a bit shabby, yes i could have done so much better.
But then, it wouldnt quite be the movie about the super cool talking care then would it?

If you want expect good acting and plot, go watch shakespeare.
This is just for the fun of it.
I enjoyed it for that much, for what they were trying to do.
If anyone does want to watch it they can catch it on nbc.com

[FoE]

I'm glad to say I avoided this like the plague.

[Glawackus]

Someone else I know was complaining about this, and my comment was, "Dude, it's a show built around the idea of a talking car. If you come into it expecting War and Peace you're setting yourself up for disappointment."

I still stand by that. I thought it was good fun (even if it was a little stupid). So sue me. :smalltongue:

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Someone else I know was complaining about this, and my comment was, "Dude, it's a show built around the idea of a talking car. If you come into it expecting War and Peace you're setting yourself up for disappointment."

I still stand by that. I thought it was good fun (even if it was a little stupid). So sue me. :smalltongue:
War and Peace? My expectations weren't NEARLY that high. I went into it expecting a fun show. Instead, I got a two-hour-long Ford commercial.

Still, I won't beat up people who liked it. Opinions are like bellybuttons: everybody has one.

@ Raistlin: Y'know, I took your suggestion to heart and tried to find an episode to watch online. I could've sworn I saw episodes available the day before the movie was on. The day after, they'd all vanished. NBC marketing at work, no doubt. "You wanna see it? You gotta buy it!" Thus, unfortunately, I can't do as you suggested.

Still, I remember Hasselhoff having SOME kind of emotional range. As I told some neighbors yesterday, at least he could act like he was acting. Justin Bruening couldn't do that much.

Of course, another problem of mine is that some shows have raised my standards of what to expect on television. Heroes, House, Law and Order, ER, and even shows I don't watch, such as Friday Night Lights and Prison Break...They're written in such a way that you have an emotional investment in the characters. (The latter two, you can tell just by the commercials that the actors handing out some kind of emotion.) I have been spoiled by sophisticated writing and good acting. Thus, when they bring back a favorite of mine from long ago, I set myself up for a fall.

Oh...And Spidermew? SHAKESPEARE ROCKS! Especially when you get to see a live performance of any of his plays. For a good laugh, you should also try to see Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead. :smallsmile:

[SpiderMew]

Oh...And Spidermew? SHAKESPEARE ROCKS! Especially when you get to see a live performance of any of his plays. For a good laugh, you should also try to see Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead. :smallsmile:

OH i totaly agree. The first of his plays i ever saw preformed live was, Much Ado About Nothing, starting none other the Amy Jo Jonson (the pink ranger from the orginal Power Rangers) as Hero. The woman is a better actor then I ever expected!