Unreasonable ranting

[Serpentine]

I'm permanently bored during most lessons...But boredom is rife. I feel too smart... I'm alone; bored and scared.I've seen you mention this before, and (how sad) have been thinking about it. I would suggest that you need to challenge yourself. Get all the work you need to do out of the way as quickly as you can - for added challenge, time yourself, see how much you can get done in how little time. Then, do extra work that's closer to your level. You could ask your teacher to assign you an extra essay, or write your own thesis on something you're interested in, or come on here and ask someone to assign you a question (especially if it's something I know about, I'd be happy to try to think of something for you. I'd even try to get it at university level :smallsmile:). I'm sure you've seen me lament before that I've never studied any Shakespear. I mentioned it to my sister when I was in high school, and that I'd been reading Hamlet, and she said that if I wanted her to she'd give me a question to write on that she'd then mark. I never took her up on the offer, but I still think it was a good idea. I strongly expect that you will find university to be a great breath of air. There's quote a few people there who perhaps, intellectually, shouldn't be (at least that's the case at my uni), but there will also be plenty of very interesting people around, too. If you go on to postgraduate stuff, I think you'll really enjoy that, too. In the meantime, try not to look down on the less naturally clever people, only the wantonly daft and deliberately ignorant.
On my side, I kinda had a nearly opposite problem. I think I'm probably a bit above-average intellect-wise, but I'm not very quick, so it doesn't count. For some reason I just don't seem to be able to go wrong in my Arts assignments (I can hand something I had to rush to finish a month late, and still get a HD :smallconfused:), but that's about it. Furthermore, I do my best to adhere to the idea that "it's better to appear less intelligent than you are than more so", and yet everyone still seems to think I'm terribly clever... Everyone seemed to expect that I'd get dux at the end of high school. I have a feeling I didn't even get in the top 10 (of something like 60 students. I know of, I think, at least 5 people who did better than me). Guess I sure showed them :smallconfused:

Girls treat me the same. But I feel more uncomfortable with them because they're so inane, asinine and dull. And they're female and I feel as if I shouldn't be there.*sniff* :smallfrown:
I do know what you mean about that, though... When I think about the people I feel particularly close to on here (yourself included, whether the feeling's mutual or not :smallwink:), I'm surprised to discover that there's more females than males. It's all just humans, though. Just gotta look for the right girls.

[T'ze'hai]

Stuck in life. Isn't that what most people feel at a certain moment? I know I do. I finished school. Finished another school. Found a job. Didn't feel myself right at home there, but hey, it payed the bills. Only it was temporary, and after a few of those temporary jobs as highschool teacher I still didn't feel right about it. Then there was no new temporary job, or even permanent job for the grab. So I tried something else. A new kind of job, which felt quite good. But All the same, I got bored again, after some months. But it pays well, it's close to home so not much travel time, and everytime there is something new to do so I don't feel that bored anymore. For a short period that is. I now have this job for one and a half year, and it will propably last for another while. Every time hoping to get a new task again to keep me from getting too bored.
Same with some hobbies, they seem to change every few years. But they did sound cool and nice when I first thought of doing it.
Will this be my life? Every thing I start doing will be boring in the end? Will I, in a few years, also be bored about my life, irrespective of what I do with it?

[Aereshaa_the_2nd]

Today I realized, I truly do hate school. I tell myself that I'm learning stuff that will help me get a start in the real world, but in the cold light of day, I don't really believe it. Everything -every subject, all the work and projects- seems so pointless. Do I really need to memorize all this trivia, do all these math questions, correct all these punctuation errors, in order to succeed? I can't believe it. :smallannoyed:
I do believe, however, that I haven't learned a single thing in the last 3 years of school. I certainly learned lots of programming tricks, how to read hebrew for my mitzvah, and got a start on learning lisp, but none of these things were learned at school. At school, I learned how to pass without doing much time-wasting homework, and that no-one really teaches technology anymore. :smallmad:
So, I think, through simple logic, that school it wasting whole YEARS of my time on this planet. This makes me very angry. So angry, in fact, that I am considering dropping out, because it doesn't seem worthwhile to waste any more years doing tedious work which doesn't teach me anything. It is 23:36, and I have just woken up. I hope today things change, but of course that's not happening.:smallfrown:

[BlackStaticWolf]

Today I realized, I truly do hate school. I tell myself that I'm learning stuff that will help me get a start in the real world, but in the cold light of day, I don't really believe it. Everything -every subject, all the work and projects- seems so pointless. Do I really need to memorize all this trivia, do all these math questions, correct all these punctuation errors, in order to succeed? I can't believe it. :smallannoyed:
I do believe, however, that I haven't learned a single thing in the last 3 years of school. I certainly learned lots of programming tricks, how to read hebrew for my mitzvah, and got a start on learning lisp, but none of these things were learned at school. At school, I learned how to pass without doing much time-wasting homework, and that no-one really teaches technology anymore. :smallmad:
So, I think, through simple logic, that school it wasting whole YEARS of my time on this planet. This makes me very angry. So angry, in fact, that I am considering dropping out, because it doesn't seem worthwhile to waste any more years doing tedious work which doesn't teach me anything. It is 23:36, and I have just woken up. I hope today things change, but of course that's not happening.:smallfrown:


First and for foremost, most schools are fundamentally an exercise in ticket-punching.

I didn't learn anything in high school (really, I actually learned everything at that age from independant study)... but if I hadn't gone to high school, I couldn't have gone to college. The number of classes in which I actually learned something of value in college can be counted on one hand. But if I hadn't gone to college, I wouldn't be in law school now.

You go to school because society demands it of you. Any decent job requires a college degree so you go get one.

[LurkerInPlayground]

First and for foremost, most schools are fundamentally an exercise in ticket-punching.

I didn't learn anything in high school (really, I actually learned everything at that age from independant study)... but if I hadn't gone to high school, I couldn't have gone to college. The number of classes in which I actually learned something of value in college can be counted on one hand. But if I hadn't gone to college, I wouldn't be in law school now.

You go to school because society demands it of you. Any decent job requires a college degree so you go get one.
Tell us about it.

I hear in Russia, they set you on a vocational track early on. (Not implying that this is necessarily superior as an educational method.)

So the way they tell if you're any good for being a doctor is that they give you a human cadaver and ask you to saw a leg off.

Something about that makes me laugh inside.

[Serpentine]

You go to school because society demands it of you.Speak for yourself. I went to high school to learn how to get along with other people, and the basics of sciences, maths, critical analysis, history and geography (though the latter two were largely duds). I'm going to university because I enjoy learning and because I want to learn more about sciences, history, and literature and I want to get better at critical analysis, communication and making arguments. If you're only "going to school because society demands it of you", you're not going to get anything out of it except maybe a buggered liver and a nasty disease. Some schools and/or education systems are less useful than others, but it seems bloody daft to me to dismiss all education as pointless.

Any decent job requires a college degree so you go get one.In Australia, at least, the trades are gasping for new blood. The traineeships and apprenticeships are still crap, but once you're a full-fledged plumber or electrician or whatever, I gather you can make a lot of money.

[Matticus]

I recently befriended a person. It was insinuated by a friend that the two of us wound wind up as an item, because apparently we're quite similair in personality.

If we are, then I'm a real jerk. ...Which I am. I mean, damn, she's a bitch.
But there was one thing I WANTED to say, and I couldn't. And it would've been really evil and unkind, and she was being unkind, and I just couldn't say it, because I'm not, apparently, evil. WHY am I not evil??? :smallfurious: I MUST BE EVIL! I HUNGER, GIVE ME PUPPIES! :smalltongue:

[BlackStaticWolf]

Speak for yourself. I went to high school to learn how to get along with other people, and the basics of sciences, maths, critical analysis, history and geography (though the latter two were largely duds). I'm going to university because I enjoy learning and because I want to learn more about sciences, history, and literature and I want to get better at critical analysis, communication and making arguments.

You've totally misunderstood my point. Quite literally everything you've said with regard to education... ALL of it. You can learn it all on your own. Science and math? Read books and do problems yourself. History and literature? Read books on the subject and study diligently on your own. Critical analysis? Read other people's arguments and formulate counters. An instructor might help in all of these things, but it isn't strictly necessary. There is no knowledge and no skill that cannot be obtained independently, if one has the drive and discipline to obtain it.

Formal schooling is only necessary because the easiest method for society to gauge whether or not you possess certain requisite skills and knowledge is the degree itself. It's certainly not foolproof (after all, there are totally incompetent people with degrees), but it's a lot more efficient than the alternatives.

That doesn't mean that there isn't a good deal of value to be had from traditional education. For one, it exposes you to subjects that you might not even realize are out there and can be quite interesting, even if they aren't of any practical use. For example, because of elective classes I possess quite a lot of useless information about the ancient Incas. Further, it can give certain experiences that you simply cannot duplicate with independent study. For example, one cannot gain experience with the Socratic method without actually being exposed to it first hand.


If you're only "going to school because society demands it of you", you're not going to get anything out of it except maybe a buggered liver and a nasty disease.

Uh... what? Your conclusion doesn't follow your premise. At all. How, pray tell, is "going to school because society demands it of you" going to lead to a buggered liver and a nasty disease?

Furthermore, your other conclusion in this statement ("you're not going to get anything out of it") is factually incorrect. Even if you go to school for what you think is a bad reason... you STILL get the degree. And, since actually passing classes and earning that degree requires work... you'll learn things in spite of yourself.


Some schools and/or education systems are less useful than others, but it seems bloody daft to me to dismiss all education as pointless.

And here you seem to have missed the overall objective of my post: it was not dismissing education as pointless, rather it was meant to give a person who doesn't think they're learning anything an explanation as to why they should keep at it anyway. Extolling the educational virtues of formal schooling isn't going to do that.


In Australia, at least, the trades are gasping for new blood. The traineeships and apprenticeships are still crap, but once you're a full-fledged plumber or electrician or whatever, I gather you can make a lot of money.

This statement proves my point. So... the traineeships and apprenticeships are crap... but once you finish them, you can make a lot of money... well... guess what that educational experience was? A ticket that you had to get punched to get the job. You certainly didn't have to do it to learn how to do plumbing or electrical work... the plethora of do-it-yourselfers are proof of that.

[Mauve Shirt]

So sick of papers.

[Dragonrider]

You've totally misunderstood my point. Quite literally everything you've said with regard to education... ALL of it. You can learn it all on your own. Science and math? Read books and do problems yourself. History and literature? Read books on the subject and study diligently on your own. Critical analysis? Read other people's arguments and formulate counters. An instructor might help in all of these things, but it isn't strictly necessary. There is no knowledge and no skill that cannot be obtained independently, if one has the drive and discipline to obtain it.

Formal schooling is only necessary because the easiest method for society to gauge whether or not you possess certain requisite skills and knowledge is the degree itself. It's certainly not foolproof (after all, there are totally incompetent people with degrees), but it's a lot more efficient than the alternatives.

*snip'd for brevity*

You've hit upon the exact reason I am homeschooled.

I have two genius parents. Mom jumped through all the hoops and was valedictorian of her class and Dad barely graduated from high school because homework bored him so much that he never did it. I've never attended a high school class in my life (unless you count drivers' ed, which was necessary to get insurance) and I never will.

What we've done is called "unschooling". The philosophy behind it is that "children learn as easily as they breathe" and, when taken out of the context of school, learning becomes natural. A two-year-old is always, always learning - every day he learns a new word or looks at the magnetic letters on the fridge and figures out that you can sort them by shape or color. The idea is that it shouldn't be any different with older kids.

So when my brother was four, what did he love? he loved the Civil War. So Mom got every book she could find on it and they read them together. For his birthday, we went to Gettysburg. He used to quiz my parents around the dinner table, delighted because he knew every shred of trivia and they didn't.

That's how it's always been. We're interested in something? we get books out of the library. We never had a television (and still don't). I don't miss it. We aren't allowed computer games either. Our lifestyle sounds a little hippie, but honestly it has worked; the only thing we were ever taught overtly is math, but I'm in 11th grade and I just finished calculus (one of my parents' friends is a mathematician and helped teach my brother and me) so I don't think I'm too far behind on that. I've been reading since I was four and -well, I love to learn. So it's worked.

Also? I'm happy. I would never, ever be happy if I had to go to a public high school.

Now, I plan on going to college. Like I said, I love learning and also it's something to do with my life while I figure out where I'm going and what I want to be. So in that sense, you're right; it's not necessary. I'm going for the experience and because I think it will be good for me. :smalltongue:

[CurlyKitGirl]

You've hit upon the exact reason I am homeschooled.

I have two genius parents. Mom jumped through all the hoops and was valedictorian of her class and Dad barely graduated from high school because homework bored him so much that he never did it. I've never attended a high school class in my life (unless you count drivers' ed, which was necessary to get insurance) and I never will.

What we've done is called "unschooling". The philosophy behind it is that "children learn as easily as they breathe" and, when taken out of the context of school, learning becomes natural. A two-year-old is always, always learning - every day he learns a new word or looks at the magnetic letters on the fridge and figures out that you can sort them by shape or color. The idea is that it shouldn't be any different with older kids.

So when my brother was four, what did he love? he loved the Civil War. So Mom got every book she could find on it and they read them together. For his birthday, we went to Gettysburg. He used to quiz my parents around the dinner table, delighted because he knew every shred of trivia and they didn't.

That's how it's always been. We're interested in something? we get books out of the library. We never had a television (and still don't). I don't miss it. We aren't allowed computer games either. Our lifestyle sounds a little hippie, but honestly it has worked; the only thing we were ever taught overtly is math, but I'm in 11th grade and I just finished calculus (one of my parents' friends is a mathematician and helped teach my brother and me) so I don't think I'm too far behind on that. I've been reading since I was four and -well, I love to learn. So it's worked.

Also? I'm happy. I would never, ever be happy if I had to go to a public high school.

Now, I plan on going to college. Like I said, I love learning and also it's something to do with my life while I figure out where I'm going and what I want to be. So in that sense, you're right; it's not necessary. I'm going for the experience and because I think it will be good for me. :smalltongue:

WANT!
I love college, I really do and it's probably more like the American college system in that you learn, interpretations and stuff. Although, remember, this is British college we're talking about.
Not fact, fact, fact, fact.
Anywho, my parents seriously considered homeschooling me until I was in Y9. not that I ever was, but even when I was little they knew I was too smart.
So much that apparentlly, I was the only child in primary school forbidden from doing homework. So that I wouldn't 'get too far ahead and maybe get too confused'. At this point I was in Y3 (7/8) and had nearly finished the very last Y6 (10/11) Math textbook they had; same with Science, but slower. English, I was so far ahead of people I never did any work.
By the time we'd moved it'd gotten to the point where I did no work at all really. Just what I felt like for fun, or in competition with a Y4 called Christopher who loved Math.
Secondary was mostly the same.
College is great; but I can still find myself easily bored. Example: I got back a practice question for Mediaeval History today: 33/40.
The next highest score was 23.
But to my standards it was barely average. Today we were doing another b) question. 35 min limit. I spent about ten minutes staring about doing jack. Ended up writing more than the next 'smartest' person in my side of the class (the fun side).

Which is why I'm now going to each myself Japanese; Old Norse and Old English while reading as many 'old and boring' (not my words) books written over 150 years ago.

On a rant:
I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE! Frenh orals. How can you talk for twelve minutes on Hunting in France with not a single note in front of you and only bieng prompted by the questions asked by Mr. Examiner and sub-headings on a sheet in front of you?
The other two are a presentation learnt by heart.
Spontinaity (I can't spell this) in another language; to a stranger; on a topic you've been researching for very little time. And I'm a cripplingly shy person.

[Mauve Shirt]

Spontinaity (I can't spell this) in another language; to a stranger; on a topic you've been researching for very little time. And I'm a cripplingly shy person.

*hug* Foreign language oral exams = 2nd least favorite exam. 1st being science or math.

[Jibar]

Damn you Curly!
For my bit of ranting, I want to rant about not being smart.
I unfortunately got landed with that stereotypical geek look, ginger, glasses freckles, the lot. I spent my early years of schooling being the smartest of the class and, honestly and without ego, this is because the people in my class were not that smart to begin with.
Ever since I started High School and especially now in College I've had to accept that I am not a genius. I am not the smartest of the class, and I have to work to do well. I have accepted that.
Now if only other people would.
Everybody, everybody, has this same ridiculous expectation of me that I can and will be the biggest and best in everything I do. I am constantly told by teachers that "I can do better" and friends often insist that I am "the smartest person in the room".
I'm not, okay?
I'm intelligent sure. I can do some clever stuff, but I have to work to do this. I can't just have it happen like so many of my other friends. Just because I look like a geek and use big words does not a genius make.
My skill lies in creativity, not logic or common sense. I was made for dreaming and hoping, not thinking and working. It's taken me 6 years to convince people of this, but still they have to constantly remind me that I am meant to be some form of super genius.
Thanks to all this, every time I get something below a B on a paper I am constantly reminded that "I should be doing better" and that this "isn't good enough"
The reason why I constantly and furiously gripe about the education system is that it's entire foundation is built around excluding so many people, myself included, who could be doing so much better if they had only a few apparantly key skills that come so easy to "intelligent" people.

*headdesk*

[Cristo Meyers]

I was going to say something, but our friendly neighborhood cat-muffin pretty much just said everything I was going to, word for word.

Yeah, I'm good, sometimes. I've got good instincts, that means diddly. I'm not the best, and I probably never will be, so how about when I get something done I actually get constructive criticism instead of "you can do so much better?"

[The Rose Dragon]

Ranting mode:

I am sick. I am sick and I have a midterm tomorrow. I have a midterm tomorrow and I haven't really listened to what the instructor said in classes. I haven't listened to the instructor and I can't study. I can't study because I'm sick.

I haven't been sick in two years, so I forgot what it was like. It sucks.

[Hoggy]

Ever since I started High School and especially now in College I've had to accept that I am not a genius. I am not the smartest of the class, and I have to work to do well. I have accepted that.
Now if only other people would.
Everybody, everybody, has this same ridiculous expectation of me that I can and will be the biggest and best in everything I do. I am constantly told by teachers that "I can do better" and friends often insist that I am "the smartest person in the room".
I'm not, okay?

Quoted for the epic, epic truth. It's been a steady decline since year 10, so steady that I'm the only one who seems to have noticed...

[Player_Zero]

Can I rant about the same topic with a different slant? Good.

Anyway, while I am and will always be the king of mathematics, (lest almighty Odin's vengeance rain down from the sky through bloody spikes of obsidian pain), I haven't done so well in everything else. While I reckon I could get 'A's in Chemistry and Physics, or at least I could have if I'd done better at AS, I have never found the time to sit down and learn the material. This is mostly due to being a terrible procrastination machine, in fact, right now I'm putting off going to bed because I know I have to wake up tomorrow.

It may be my ego talking, but I reckon I am a genius, but I'm not hardworking enough to pull it off in my subjects apart from mathematics, the subject where you don't have to remember anything about anything, since you can just work it out.

Sorry if this offends, what with the whole 'I am not a genius but I try' thing and me being a 'I am a genius but I'm also a lazy Catch You Next Tuesday' kinda' guy...

Oh yeah, and I have more to add on the subject of finishing school. In... Eight weeks time I will have finished A levels and will hopefully be looking forward to university. However, I won't keep in touch with anyone I have become acquainted with in school, since I'm not that close to anyone, regarding most everyone I know as simply people that I know, rather than friends. This erks me because I can't help but feel that university will be the same, in that I won't make any lasting friendships. This problem has undoubtedly arisen due to my antisocial behaviour in general, being irritating and definitively annoying, combined with my dislike of going outside, what with there being wolves out there. Anyway, the basic problem is that I have no friends and I won't have any friends in the future. Partly irrational, partly truthful.

[BugFix]

It seems like it's time for this 36-year-old married curmudgeon to de-lurk for just one post. A lot of what you guys are saying reminds me of me when I was young, and hopefully you might benefit from a lecture or two.


I am far too smart. [...] I'm alone; bored and scared. Am I really so smart? Is this so wrong?


I feel your pain. [...] In my house and here are the boards are basically the only situations, ever, when I'm not the smartest person in the room. [...] I have to explain half the words I use on a regular basis.

First off, both of you are being ridiculous snoots. I'm sorry to be so direct, but you are. The proper way to exhibit a talent in adult society is to demonstrate it, not declare it. This is the smart schoolgeek equivalent of an athlete smack talking to the opposition before a game. Stop it, it's rude.

But, that being said: I've been there too, and I know what you mean. It can be frustrating when you're young, and uninterested in all the junk your peers are doing with their lives, and convinced that you'll never fit in; and it's tempting to cling to stuff like academic accomplishment as the source of your difficulties. But here's the thing: it's not. You don't fit in because your interests and personalities don't match those of the people around you. It's got little to nothing to do with being the smartest kid in the room. Think of it this way: if you were the smartest person in a room filled with people who loved what you did and wanted to learn from you, would you still be frustrated? You might still be bored, but I doubt you'd be posting to complain about it. Basically: you're weird. You're weird in a "good" way, to be sure, but weird nonetheless. I'm weird too, and if I had the ability to go back in time and "fix" myself while I was still in school it would be to deliver this lesson.

The solution to your frustration is something the rest of us call "the real world". First, because the real world concentrates people of like interests and talents. You feel so much smarter than your peers largely because your are measuring your most developed talents and interests against the stuff they don't care as much about. Those same people (metaphorically) are going to look a whole lot smarter when they reappear as trained professionals working alongside you in a few years.

And secondly (and more importantly), the real world allows you to stop measuring yourself by ridiculous metrics like grades and test scores and see indications of your real value to society like praise, thanks, productivity, position, responsibility and salary. That's the stuff that's going to make you happy. Test scores are only good for bragging rights until the next test, and then only to your peers who care about that stuff.

So: stop telling us how fast you read, and start developing real expertise in a subject you can teach us about. Don't tell us about your test scores or grades, show us what you made/built/wrote/painted yesterday. That's the stuff society really wants from you. Grades and tests are just the measurements we use for kids who aren't competent enough yet to judge by real world standards. As you approach adulthood and reach adult-level expertise, they should be becoming less important reflections of self-worth to you, not more.

[Dragonrider]

probably deserved that. :smalltongue:

And thanks...you're right.

[Mauve Shirt]

snipped

<3:smallbiggrin:

[Jae]

I am so god damned tired. nothing even makes SENSE. and not in that obscure my-life-doesnt-make-sense way but in the more direct logical-sentences-arent-making-sense way. words are almost blending together, and i cant do homework because I dont UNDERSTAND homework. I dont understand school in general im a total idiot and how I wouldve ever fooled anybody out of that is beyond me.

I hate to sound pitiful and emo-ish but I feel a..weight, i guess. and not a lot of relief. and sleep makes things worse, with nightmares and all the other **** i do in my sleep. but all I want to do is rest. in any form.
but i cant.

and i got yelled at this morning about how my mom doesnt even know whats up with me lately and how Im so much more forgetful and i dont get **** done (her words, not mine) and she isnt the only one.

whats with me?

[Serpentine]

Ugh.

You've totally misunderstood my point. Quite literally everything you've said with regard to education... ALL of it. You can learn it all on your own. Science and math? Read books and do problems yourself. History and literature? Read books on the subject and study diligently on your own. Critical analysis? Read other people's arguments and formulate counters.You might be able to learn easily in this way, but I and a very great many other people do not. I learn best going to a lecture and taking notes and talking to the lecturer - you know, the guy who knows more than me and who has already read all these books and probably wrote some of them - about the things that interested me. It isn't just about "drive and discipline", it's about learning styles. I should have mentioned this before, traditional school really doesn't work for some people. In these cases, I think they'd be best to talk to their teacher about alternate teaching methods (they seem to be all the rage in Australia at the moment) or simply find your own way to learn - as, it seems, you did. To say that you can learn all on your own, if only you have the "drive and discipline" is a huge insult to all those people who simply learn differently to you.

That doesn't mean that there isn't a good deal of value to be had from traditional education. For one, it exposes you to subjects that you might not even realize are out there and can be quite interesting, even if they aren't of any practical use. For example, because of elective classes I possess quite a lot of useless information about the ancient Incas. Further, it can give certain experiences that you simply cannot duplicate with independent study. For example, one cannot gain experience with the Socratic method without actually being exposed to it first hand.You didn't mention any of this usefulness of schooling. The only useful thing you said you could see in education was the judgement and classification you'll aquire (that ever-important degree). In a number of my classes are mature-age students, older people who have any degrees they needed, they have their successful careers, their salaries, their lives. If the degree and the resultant job is all you get out of education, what possible reason could these people have to come back to university? Hell, I hope that once I'm secure, I can come back to do another degree, simply because I love learning.

Uh... what? Your conclusion doesn't follow your premise. At all. How, pray tell, is "going to school because society demands it of you" going to lead to a buggered liver and a nasty disease?And here, my dear, you have misunderstood me. I didn't say that the one leads to the other, I said that you're likely to not get anything except that. If the only reason you go to university is because you "should", then (speaking extremely generally), the only point to being there is to drink yourself sick and get with everything on two feet. You're obviously not there to learn. You might get that all-important piece of paper (though I've seen an awful lot who don't), but if that is your entire goal, then you have gotten nothing of value from the whole experience. You should learn because you enjoy it. If you don't, then 1. you're less likely to learn anything at all, 2. you may have gained something useful, but if you don't value learning, then you haven't gained anything of value, and 3. I feel really, really sorry for you.


Furthermore, your other conclusion in this statement ("you're not going to get anything out of it") is factually incorrect. Even if you go to school for what you think is a bad reason... you STILL get the degree. And, since actually passing classes and earning that degree requires work... you'll learn things in spite of yourself.Covered above. If all you ever wanted from your education was a piece of paper, well done, you've gotten something of value. You've also missed out on the great innate worth of your education.

And here you seem to have missed the overall objective of my post: it was not dismissing education as pointless, rather it was meant to give a person who doesn't think they're learning anything an explanation as to why they should keep at it anyway. Extolling the educational virtues of formal schooling isn't going to do that.Dismissing the whole thing as utterly pointless except as an institution of judgment isn't going to help, either. I think you're vastly undervaluing the worth of the entire educational system - which is itself hugely variable, varying between countries, states, even between individual schools or teachers. Learning is an innately good thing. To say that you can only learn by yourself, or that you can't learn anything of value from education, is a gross misrepresentation. For some people it's true. For the vast majority of people, I believe, at least some structure or guidance is necessary. Education can, and should, be obtained for the sake and joy of learning alone.


This statement proves my point. So... the traineeships and apprenticeships are crap... but once you finish them, you can make a lot of money... well... guess what that educational experience was? A ticket that you had to get punched to get the job. You certainly didn't have to do it to learn how to do plumbing or electrical work... the plethora of do-it-yourselfers are proof of that.It does nothing of the sort. The traineeships are crap now, but this is a recognised problem and steps are being taken to repair the system. If you really think that unqualified people are fine to do these jobs, then come look at the plumbing (drains always blocked, bath not actually connected to its drain) and wiring (we don't use one of the lights because the switch sparks, the dimmer lights always flicker, a qualified electrician gave up on one light because the wiring was such a mess) in my house and tell me that. If you're saying that you learn absolutely nothing about the job during a traineeship... Damn. That's undervaluation in the extreme. To say that you don't need the learning required to get your qualification, well, it's impressive that your home is still standing with all the unqualified idiots you presumably had building it.

My rant: I hate it when people make overarching generalisations and then "prove" them with "actual examples" and "real-life experiences" that are, in fact, the exception to the rule :smallsigh: I also hate it when people demand proof of things that 1. don't need proof, 2. can't be proven, 3. already have been supported with evidence and/or 4. it is impossible to prove to the ridiculous expectations of the person.

[Ceska]

On the topic of schools: If school taught me one thing, it is to obey. It is generally better to only do as much as you have to, only speak up if the teacher wants you to, only say what a teacher wants you to say.
If you know the subject, do not speak up, for the teacher has no time for anything but teaching the basics to people who do not care when he could give it to them in a summary to learn at home. Do not do something else, for the teacher will feel ignored, don't speak to others, for it disturbs lessons.
If you are asked, do not give a proper answer, only say what the teacher wants you to say with as little words as possible, for he has no time for you. If you get homework, do it as soon as possible, never do it well, just show you can obey to orders.

That is the only thing school ever really taught me. It could have taught me a lot, but from one point on I didn't learn a thing in the subjects I took interest in, and learned to just not listen in those I don't care about.
Nevermind if the teacher talks about her personal problems for fifty minutes, then blames others for the lack of time to get her subject through, and if two speak, she stops to teach until they stop talking.
That is acceptable behaviour. Doesn't matter if the system hurts all three parties, the teacher, who gets cynical about stupid students, those that hold interest in the subject, who learn they are only held back by others and the school, and those who don't, who learn to be calm and do the absolute minimum.
At least Austrian schools showed me how to destroy interest in a subject. By teaching a subject only from the front within an inflexible system that lets you attend school to sit there for fifty minutes and get information you can get in ten. The one major advantage of a teacher, a person you can consult and talk with about a subject, has to be neglected so he can get his information through.

[cabbagesquirrel]

as a teacher i can say schools in their current form, in australia at least, suck, way too much politics taken in concideration compared to whats important, ie the kids education.

that and teachers who have no real knowledge or passion for a subject are set to teach it. if you arent enthused you arent going to teach well and that leads to poorer students intellectually.

reggio emillia (spelling dunno) is a good school concept to look into, there are a few more but i cant get them out of my head lol, i dont pay attention to my uni classes, cause theyre boring and hypocritcal lol.

home school is good if you have parents who can do it, its a big deal, especially when many families have a duo of working parents.

[Hoggy]

My rant: I hate it when people make overarching generalisations and then "prove" them with "actual examples" and "real-life experiences" that are, in fact, the exception to the rule :smallsigh: I also hate it when people demand proof of things that 1. don't need proof, 2. can't be proven, 3. already have been supported with evidence and/or 4. it is impossible to prove to the ridiculous expectations of the person.

I demand proof of this statement. :smalltongue:

Also, rant: after eating a bag of greasy fried morrisons chicken and a litre of strawberry milk, I feel BLOATED like one of them inflatable fish.

[Aereshaa_the_2nd]

@^: You probably don't have my amazing metabolism (I'm thirty pounds underweight for my height despite eating some of the least healthy things possible), but I sometimes get the opposite, painful hunger after eating healthily. It gets annoying that eating "Good Food" makes me feel starved. Be grateful for your normal metabolism: A light-speed one ain't all it's cracked up to be.

@CSK: This is true everywhere I've been, and I've been to around 30 countries (Read: Every country my dad went to in order to talk to other mathematicians or professors or students :smallsigh:). Unfortunately the global culture mandates that children under 16 be kept for half the day in schools, so that their parents can work instead of taking care of them.
Since the Management is now in charge of most education, they mandate that a strict set of things be taught to all children in a specific manner, regardless of the children' interests, which in turn causes me to seem to have bad marks in most subjects, not because I'm stupid, or lazy, but because I don't have any real motivation or any interest in what is being taught, and because in some cases I already know it.
In the cases in which I already know quite a lot (Science, Computers), I have caught my teachers oversimplifying, hiding the truth, or outright lying to me. This causes bad marks because I give the right answers, not the answers the Mgt expects. In computer class, which I took as an easy credit, they use Windows, with IE, Outlook, and Word :smallfrown:.

[Jae]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

I posted a rant about how i have horrible luck and I misspelled my username
(which, if you'll look to your left, is three letters) and now its gone.

this was like, the most perfect example.
















the universe/karma hates me

[Amotis]

Elliot, my rat, has some stuff clogged in his stomach. Not sure what, as I'm quite anal about keeping stuff that might do that away from him. Probably from the so called rat-safe bed that he tore apart (even tho I removed it when he did he did spend some time with it). So vet says she can take an x-ray, but that costs $100 and if she finds something surgery will cost $600. So that's $700 I can't afford, which is really expensive...I think, but I guess vets have to make a living too. So if that doesn't happen he either will pass it over the course of 4-5 days or it'll get too painful for him and they'll have to put him to sleep. And so I feel guilty and am trying to constantly play with him, yet finals is but a week away and I really need to pass my classes this semester. So I'm trying to balance paying attention to Elliot and doing my hw/studying and it's not going too well. I keep having to deleted letters he types on my keyboard too. :smalltongue:


...:smallfrown:

[Koga]

My needyass friends.

"WahWah, I cut myself today [On purpose]"

Don't care...

"WahWah, I'm lonely and suicidal"

Don't care...

"WahWah, I think someone put cyanide in my food"

Don't care...

[Jae]

@ Amo-
awhhhhhhhhh :smallfrown::smallfrown::smallfrown: im really sorry. that kind of thing sucks more than words.

hah ohhh, koga. you're one of THOSE people. makes total sense.


"WahWah, I cut myself today [On purpose]"
On that subject, im naturally suspicious of anybody who is open about cutting themselves. moreover, anybody who SHOWS it.

[Cobra_Ikari]

@ Amo-
awhhhhhhhhh :smallfrown::smallfrown::smallfrown: im really sorry. that kind of thing sucks more than words.

hah ohhh, koga. you're one of THOSE people. makes total sense.


On that subject, im naturally suspicious of anybody who is open about cutting themselves. moreover, anybody who SHOWS it.

...you're suspicious of me? >.>

:smalltongue:

[Jae]

...you're suspicious of me? >.>
lol, i suppose so.
Online is a bittt different..

went to barnes and noble today and picked up a few books and this little self-scoring personality tests booklet. really simplistic, nothing i havent done before, but i guess im a personality tests addict. shut up. anyways.

Im pretty pissed that ALL my results were completely middle-of-the-road.

I was "a shade introverted" and "slightly extroverted."
and my strong-mindness ended up as "a balanced personality, dipomatic"

dude. whaaat? i payed money so you could tell me that im completely BALANCED :smallfurious:

this should maybe not bug me but it does. I think because I have always been told i was creative, and then told I was logical. And Im messy but my thoughts are organized. And Im quiet but Im still fairly outgoing. Im considerate and compassionate but ruthless and emotionless. AND IM EQUALLY AS RIGHT BRAINED AS I AM LEFT BRAINED! everything for/about me lies in moderation. seriously.

I would like to be all of something and not half of everything because half gets me nowhere :smallannoyed: i suck at art, because im creative in logic, but i suck at math because i cant see things one way. and people either think im way nice or way bitchy. and im too introspective for the loud people to be comfortable around me and too outgoing for the quiet ones to.

lol im exaggerating but STILL i wanna be a sumthin :smallfrown:


Also i think im very annoying. if I were you (general) i would not put up with me.

[Cobra_Ikari]

lol, i suppose so.
Online is a bittt different..

went to barnes and noble today and picked up a few books and this little self-scoring personality tests booklet. really simplistic, nothing i havent done before, but i guess im a personality tests addict. shut up. anyways.

Im pretty pissed that ALL my results were completely middle-of-the-road.

I was "a shade introverted" and "slightly extroverted."
and my strong-mindness ended up as "a balanced personality, dipomatic"

dude. whaaat? i payed money so you could tell me that im completely BALANCED :smallfurious:

this should maybe not bug me but it does. I think because I have always been told i was creative, and then told I was logical. And Im messy but my thoughts are organized. And Im quiet but Im still fairly outgoing. Im considerate and compassionate but ruthless and emotionless. AND IM EQUALLY AS RIGHT BRAINED AS I AM LEFT BRAINED! everything for/about me lies in moderation. seriously.

I would like to be all of something and not half of everything because half gets me nowhere :smallannoyed: i suck at art, because im creative in logic, but i suck at math because i cant see things one way. and people either think im way nice or way bitchy. and im too introspective for the loud people to be comfortable around me and too outgoing for the quiet ones to.

lol im exaggerating but STILL i wanna be a sumthin :smallfrown:


Also i think im very annoying. if I were you (general) i would not put up with me.

You are sumthin. You're Jae. :smalltongue:

Sldo, I deny your "suck at art". And your "annoying". So there. :smallamused:

[Koga]

@ Amo-
On that subject, im naturally suspicious of anybody who is open about cutting themselves. moreover, anybody who SHOWS it.
Ah, I aint suspicious. They're just attention-whores. They want someone to go "awww you poor thing, let me kiss your booboos".


Yeah, I might do that for my girlfriend (Infact, I do lol!)


But that **** don't fly when we're just normal pals.


Bassicaly when my friend asked me to help her stopped cutting, I got the razors and put them high up on some dresser where she couldn't reach lol! High objects... short people's worst enemy...

My girlfriend had the same problem, and instead I said whenever she fealt like cutting, just call me and I'd talk her through it.


That's the vivid difference between when I'm getting some from you and when I'm not lol!



I got another rant... I hate how you think you comeup with a brilliant idea and like ten billion other guys comeup with it too. :smallannoyed:


My idea was to makeout with my girlfriend (not the cutter, the other one) at church. I mean, who'd expect that right?!

Well turns out all the guys there thoughtup that plan. I don't wanna do it now if everybody else does it...:smallannoyed:

[Quincunx]

And men complain about the female hive-mind [this would have been a good spot for the 'angelic innocence' smiley, but it's not equipped here].

[captain_decadence]

snip

*standing ovation, if only from me*

I completely agree with you. No one mentions SAT scores, AP scores or even what colleges you got into after the first week of uni. In the real job market, nobody cares that you never got less than an A+ on an essay, if you can't do your job, you are a failure. Those people who get bored in school and end up almost failing, are probably going to fail in the real world. All that BS about smart people just finding something to challenge them doesn't mean anything if they have no motivation and no ability to to do work. "I didn't want to do it" is not a valid excuse anywhere but in middle school.

I love this forum very very much, but if there is one thing that I dislike its that everyone won't shut up about how smart they are. I don't care. Really, you may have aced those standardized tests we take in elementary school or got a 1600/2400 on your SAT's but I am holding down four jobs this summer so that I can stay in school. I have had a job since I was fourteen, from working on a catfish farm to being a camp counselor to being a bank teller, I have worked my butt off and I work during the school year also. You have to learn how to take your smarts that everybody claims to have and freaking use them.

that's the end of my reasonable rant.

[Jae]

Sldo, I deny your "suck at art". And your "annoying". So there.
lol k :smallsmile:
...
but i do suck at art. :smallconfused:


You have to learn how to take your smarts that everybody claims to have and freaking use them.
Can this start me off on another job-based/teen rant??

Ive hung around some of the "smartest" kids in my school, the ones ranked like blahblah out of 500 kids and whatnot, and they're all v. proud of this and what not. But ive also heard most of them say their parents WONT LET THEM get a job.
uhhh.....?
Thing is, when you get out of college or w/e and your mommy and daddy have paid your way through and you cant say that you've had any actual WORK, you're going to look ridiculous. What exactly do all these uber high grades mean when you cant say you've ever done a day of work?? You need those kind of skills.

and, this is kinda seperate now, but whatever. Parents baby their kids. What used to be raising your kids towards independency has become a pull closer, if that makes sense. Kids used to be able to scrape their knees and now parents play on the playground WITH their children.
In teen years, every move must be watched. because, yeah hey i trust you but if you screw up i wanna know about it.

whats the price??
anxiety, insecurity, an extreme fear of failure that will eventually control every move of your(<--general sense) LIFE. It's leading this entire flippin country toward a nation of cowards who cant step out of their life enough to make the wrong decision.

this is basically the opposite of how i was raised, luckily. I was able to make a helluva lot of wrong choices. my mom never let me take the easy way out just because i might mess up. lol i had to mess up a million times until I UNDERSTOOD. And it still basically sticks to now. my mom doesnt check my grades 24-7, and when she does..if they're bad i basically get a "better be fixed by the time it matters, you know the consequences." what she knows about my social life is exactly what ive told her.

so, i might not like failure much, but im not horridly afraid of it. I dont really like to be hurt, but ive been hurt before so I can definitely live with it. I can make choices that might turn out well without fear of either :smallamused:

[/rambling]

[Aereshaa_the_2nd]

@captain_decadence: I'm actually sort of betting on the whole "school grades do not matter in the real world" thing. I have abysmal marks except in a few select courses, so I am counting on this fact for my future.
I am a programmer, so I am focusing more on actual programming achievements to put on my resume. For example, I am currently adding an extra 20 levels to a retro space shooter game. I'm hoping my barely passing high school will not matter as much as actual programming achievements. In fact, I have plans to start my own game company in order to make money.
What bothers me is that our culture takes creative children who are eager to learn, and spews out anxious, school-bored adults. What went wrong in between? I only hope that I can keep myself afloat through my talents in programming and writing stories.
But now I'm becoming worried for those who have good grades, but no experience at actually working on a big project? Will they have a bad fate, or can our fetid monoculture find a place for them too?

[Jae]

Today was wierd.
dont read it'll be a waste of your time! im talking to myself
Despite unreasonable amounts of work/stress, im in a pretty good mood.

ever have those days where you just feel gah GROSS? I felt gross today for no reason at all. just bleh ugly. lol that sounds shallow but i dont know that i looked too different from every other day, I just FELT uglier. likewise, there are days where i feel prettier now and again, but today was not one of them. disturbing.

I love that my head is slowly getting out of some of this ridiculous high school drama crap. Today I actually debated in my head a few jungian theories, which felt amazing because i hadnt had the time in what feels like forever. my heads been full of...ridiculous high school crap haha. and i had a lovely chat with my Japanese teacher about how capitalism has manipulated times of crisis which lead to how we've been trained to throw out the ideals of socialism as a whole which lead to corruption in religion which lead to how Atheists are viewed as the least moral citizens in the USA but do the least damage. it was amazing. Despite my undying need to have either a political, philosophical, or psychological conversation nobody around me seems willing so that was great =]

AP tests will kill me. seriously. why am I trying so hard to study when i know im going to fail? guilt? whatever. and my teacher is piling on work when she should be backing off. 50 points for a stupid essay?! when you mark me down for being a few words short and writing too lightly?! dude..screw you. seriously.
and then ive got more blah things to worry about like stuff for this saturday and i dont know why I agreed to this:smallfurious:

Maybe I am pretty hard on people. But, I also think im pretty hard on myself so maybe it stems from that. It used to be that I was UNREASONABLY hard on myself and praised the ground everybody else walked on, but it gets old quick. Now maybe everybody is just kinda eh held to the same harsh standards. whatever.

I've got sixpence none the richer stuck in my head and it makes me smile =]

today was nice. :smallsmile:
i dont get me at all. :smallconfused:

[Matticus]

I hate school.
And this is why.

:smallmad: This isn't cool! I've just discovered, after a fortnight of not practicing my instrument at all or thinking about the ever-closer Solo Performance (A unit standard, I believe, which means it's important), and now I return to school and it is NEXT WEEK.
:smalleek: After last time, I was told that the teacher didn't just want to hear a succession of beats, he wanted me to utilize the many sounds of the drumkit.
My actual instrument teacher informed me I should have something prepared and practiced rather than risk winging it yet again.
ONE DAMN WEEK!

GAH!

Adding to this, my History teacher is giving us two Achievement Standards to do as one sort of big thing over the next three weeks. Now, he said himself he could give us four, or five, but apparently not. No, he's giving us three weeks to do this damn thing, and it involves much research and little being told exactly what to do. I suck at that.
And he estimated 10-15 hours homework involved. 10-15 hours I could be hitting things with sticks instead, ie, practicing my wonderful instrument.
Oh, and did I mention the drumming prodigy in my class? So anything and everything I do pales in comparison to him. :smallmad:
Damnit!

[Nychta]

Matticus: I'm not entirely sure what you're talking about with the Solo Perfomance and the Achievement Standard. NCEA thing?

I don't know how much I can help with this, but the cool thing about drums (for me) is that I can kinda practise them anywhere, like, tap out beats with my feet and fingers. (People have gotten used to this.)
15 hours homework over 3 weeks: assuming you don't do any the first week, to clear it all for drums, that's 15 hours over 14 days. About an hour a day? I like breaking things into small chunks, so...

[Mauve Shirt]

Dammit.

I had another seizure this morning, and I think more last night. Really bizarre ones, I was semi-conscious and violently shaking. :smallfrown: Another 6 months til I can attempt to drive.

[Jae]

Oh many. country-styled clothing do not do me justice. gah. oh well.
i scarcely care about how i look anyways, right??

have you ever thought of somebody and did the whole wonder-what-theyre-doing-now thing??
well. okay. nothing feels better than having that person tell you they've been thinking about you lately and that theyre so glad you're good friends :smallbiggrin:
i hope this boy keeps proving to me that they're not all jerks (because mostly all the other ones are proving to be....
mean. yeah. articulate of me, i know. but i have a habit of making a nice guy somehow turn to an inconsiderate jerk who doesnt care about others' feelings whatsoever. && i was feeling not so great about this so i lovelovelove him :smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin:

good day. :smallsmile:

[Matticus]

Matticus: I'm not entirely sure what you're talking about with the Solo Perfomance and the Achievement Standard. NCEA thing?

I don't know how much I can help with this, but the cool thing about drums (for me) is that I can kinda practise them anywhere, like, tap out beats with my feet and fingers. (People have gotten used to this.)
15 hours homework over 3 weeks: assuming you don't do any the first week, to clear it all for drums, that's 15 hours over 14 days. About an hour a day? I like breaking things into small chunks, so...

NCEA thing, yeah.
Well, seven days from now until my solo performance, and it's too late to practise at the moment. Anyway, practicing annoys my mum. And I never feel like practising. I am a master of procrastination.
And I have to PLAY something. Which means I'd have to LEARN something...

[Nychta]

NCEA thing, yeah.
Well, seven days from now until my solo performance, and it's too late to practise at the moment. Anyway, practicing annoys my mum. And I never feel like practising. I am a master of procrastination.
And I have to PLAY something. Which means I'd have to LEARN something...

*shies away from NCEA* Excuse my aversion.

I think my presence on this site is good enough to show my procrastination skills. Hooray for being able to cram at end of year for CIE!
Hang on. Doesn't your mum want you to do well? Mine's always insisting that I practise, though admittedly that's violin, which people find less intrusive. Anyway, come on, you can do it! :smallwink::smallbiggrin::smallsmile:

[Matticus]

She wants me to do well, so long as it doesn't disturb her. And we have a small-ish kinda house, and my drumkit is in the living room. And the walls are quite thin. So there's little escaping drumming.
:smallannoyed:
Why've you got an aversion to NCEA? Surely there's nothing wrong with NCEA. :smallamused:

[Nychta]

She wants me to do well, so long as it doesn't disturb her. And we have a small-ish kinda house, and my drumkit is in the living room. And the walls are quite thin. So there's little escaping drumming.
:smallannoyed:
Why've you got an aversion to NCEA? Surely there's nothing wrong with NCEA. :smallamused:


NCEA. Oh my gods.
Now, to be honest, I don't know all the facts about it. But from word of mouth/glances at the newspaper, I believe that you

cannot fail - only "not achieve"
are ranked in extremely broad bands: so you could be grouped with someone who did far less work than you
do not recieve a percentage mark
can be marked differently depending on whether a teacher likes you or not?
have "during-the-year" assessments. I prefer to slack off during the year, then cram.


*huggles my CIE*
CultDoctor might know more.

[Jae]

In this moment I feel like I could not be any clearer but nobody gets anything im trying to say, and nobody has been what im trying to say. and its making me kind of want to throw something.

lol i cant believe how obsessed i was with sublime when i was little, and how i thought all their songs were happy and cheery.
and did not realize they were basically all hophead songs. i love you, 90s.

get out of two classes tommorow.. yeeeah. life is good. still have to talk to my least favorite teacher. whatevskis, it'll be short.

this weekend will be great.

[North]

Dammit.

I had another seizure this morning, and I think more last night. Really bizarre ones, I was semi-conscious and violently shaking. :smallfrown: Another 6 months til I can attempt to drive.

Ouch. That sucks. Had a guy who used to work with me who was epileptic, had a grand maul seizure at work. He ended up quitting because he thought the lights were aggravating it.


In this moment I feel like I could not be any clearer but nobody gets anything im trying to say, and nobody has been what im trying to say. and its making me kind of want to throw something.

Well if your talking to a guy it is a genetic disability for us. :smallfrown:

[FoE]

I had another seizure this morning, and I think more last night. Really bizarre ones, I was semi-conscious and violently shaking. :smallfrown: Another 6 months til I can attempt to drive.

You have my sympathy. I had a close friend who had epilepsy and suffered terribly from it. My grandmother had it as well, and though I never knew her, I gathered from my mom that it was very hard on her.

[Jae]

Well if your talking to a guy it is a genetic disability for us.
lol but i can talk to some guys clearly!!

is there a way to get past your guys' disability??

[Mauve Shirt]

You have my sympathy. I had a close friend who had epilepsy and suffered terribly from it. My grandmother had it as well, and though I never knew her, I gathered from my mom that it was very hard on her.

Thanks
Yeah, I feel as if I have no right to complain about my epilepsy. As much of a pain in the ass as it is, my seizures are incredibly mild compared to some stories I've heard. One girl I spoke to, her seizures were actually painful. I don't even have grand mal seizures. Well, not before the surgery anyway, I have had one since then, 2 months ago. DAMMIT I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE THEM ANYMORE.

[Nibleswick]

Just some tired ramblings of someone who has lost some faith in humanity.
Sometimes it's hard not to feel that the rest of the world isn't against us. It's hard to avoid paranoia and persecution complexes when there is so much evidence justifying it. The other day in Arizona two boys were beaten simply because they replied "yes" to the question "are you Mormon?". Every year I hear about something like this, and every time I do my faith in people is shaken so much, it makes me hurt so much for the souls of the people who do this sort of thing, and would let it happen. Ya know in plenty of places it's perfectly legal to kill me because of my religion, ugh.

Edit: I just read the jokes thread and feel much better:smallbiggrin:

[Matticus]

NCEA. Oh my gods.
Now, to be honest, I don't know all the facts about it. But from word of mouth/glances at the newspaper, I believe that you

cannot fail - only "not achieve"
are ranked in extremely broad bands: so you could be grouped with someone who did far less work than you
do not recieve a percentage mark
can be marked differently depending on whether a teacher likes you or not?
have "during-the-year" assessments. I prefer to slack off during the year, then cram.


*huggles my CIE*
CultDoctor might know more.

I can recieve either Not Achieved, Achieved, Merit, or Excellence on any NCEA assessment. No percentage is generally given, but I don't understand what you said about someone "doing far less work than you". I've only heard of someone doing this in legend!
I don't think a teacher can mark someone poorly because they don't like them...The examinations go to impartial markers, I believe. We do have during-the-year assessments. I had two today, on Genetics and DNA. I've another two on Manfred von Richthofen, and a solo performance, which is worth credits, and I probably won't pass Music if I "do not achieve" that. And I've a group performance, again worth credits, and my group includes the ever-truant bass player, his useless replacement, the pianist who can play only one song, a guitarist who's actually good, and me, the drummer, who isn't good enough nor bad enough to merit an adjective.

[Copacetic]

I have hasd the most crappity crap crap day possible. I couldn't get to sleep last night till 1:00 P.M., meaning I'm running on five hours of sleep and whatever adrenalin my body's pumping through my system right now. I missed some history homework, forgot my English essay worth 50 points, and have tons of Math(my worst subject with a crazy as h*** teacher) homework, and missed the bus home, meaning I had to walk home over a mile and a half, barefoot, in the rain. Over concrete. My legs feel like a few rusty nails are hammered into my joints, my feet in particular. And I still have a huge concert tonight, but we'll see what at that screws me over as well.

[Jae]

ehhh im realizing a bit how I distance myself without even really trying. I may as well carry a sign stating "NO I DO NOT CARE TO TALK TO YOU AT ALL KTHNXBYE"
lol today we had our league track meet (did horrid, btw) and everybody huddles in a little circle and listens to music and takes pics and talk and stuff and im literally off by myself just kind of staring into space. i mean, i dont try to do that. It's just...eh. conversations only interest me if they hold some depth, i guess?? And Im not likely to expect much of people so rarely do I try to impress anyone/become friends. (Yes, i did just group the two together..)
lol than my madre came and shes so serious and independent and carries herself in a way that screamsss guarded. Which she doesnt try for, either. but I felt like everybody must be thinking oh, so THATS where she gets it.. it is where i get it, me and my mom are really alike. and apparently we look like eachother a lot too which is nice because everyone raves about how young/pretty she looks

then we ate out to eat and we were discussing my future over chinese and what I wanted to do with my life. background info? both my parents work in the medical field and ive been pressured a fair amount to go into the field, myself. ive always done the ehhhh no thanks its really not for me thing, despite the fact that it does interest me a fair amount. i beg my mom to let work in the ER which isnt entirely legal but im addicted.
well, newaiz, discussing how psych was my main thought but that research was just as important. then i opened my fortune cookie and it was like "you may succeed in the field of medicine"
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSTALKER

wierd.

thats basically all. now i have to study for an AP test, do any hw i have, and figure wth im going to wear saturday night. themes suck. done.

[Sewer_Bandito]

lol but i can talk to some guys clearly!!

is there a way to get past your guys' disability??

Abosultely. You have to talk like a guy would. If you have a problem with this, I'm sure you can find a girl to guy translator on ebay or something.

[Jae]

haha im actually not too feminine as is. i grew up with brothers and all guy friends. im one of the least er "proper" girls.

p.s. i want a hug :smallfrown:

[zeratul]

So this will only be understood if you've played Resident Evil 4.

I hate Las Plagas....like...a lot. I mean you get a nice clean headshot, then a plagas shoots out of their head and bites your head off. Not cool man :smallannoyed:. I would also like to take this time to say that the wolves, and crossbowmen in that game also get me seriously p.o.ed

[Shraik]

okay, problemo hear.
Two of my friends have been dating for almost as long as I've been friends with them(roughly 5-7 months). Well, what is happening is that they are soon to be breakin apart. The problems lay here.
1. The girl in the relationship will use me as her fallout. Which I don't want. Or need. Mostly because I am interested in two other girls
2. The guy fails to realize how badly it will affect her, and him.
3. The guy plans to ask out one girl who is part of our circle of friends (and dating in a circle is god-awful stupid). Problems will arise cause he's kinda an ass.
4. His other plan is to ask a different girl out, who he knows I like, and is most likely gonna do it despite the fact. He knows I like her. He knows I've been workin to the best of my ability(which ain't Much), yet he plans to cross a line which isn't good.
Oy this is a pain.

[Cristo Meyers]

So this will only be understood if you've played Resident Evil 4.

I hate Las Plagas....like...a lot. I mean you get a nice clean headshot, then a plagas shoots out of their head and bites your head off. Not cool man :smallannoyed:. I would also like to take this time to say that the wolves, and crossbowmen in that game also get me seriously p.o.ed

I feel your pain.

"Yes! Headshot!"

"Screeee!" (or some other creepy creature sound)

*chomp!*

"Crap! Counter headbite!"

Unfortunately I don't think there's any way around it, just gotta be quick on the trigger or something.

[Pyrian]

C'mon, Shraik, this is easy. Ask out each of the girls you're interested in and then don't worry about the rest of it.

[Cobra_Ikari]

haha im actually not too feminine as is. i grew up with brothers and all guy friends. im one of the least er "proper" girls.

p.s. i want a hug :smallfrown:

...you called?

*snuggles into oblivion* :smallsmile:

[Jae]

Cobra, you're a doll.
and the only reason it took me ever so long to say that is because this is actually the first time ive been home all weekend. MY APOLOGIES

[Hoggy]

Today has been so crap.

Got to bed at 4 (heavy night before), got up at 8 and had to work 10 hours in a sweaty greasy kitchen whilst weather was gorgeous outside.

Get home to find Rochdale are 2-1 down to Darlington after first leg of playoffs. Get it together lads.

Go out to mate's 18th, can't find him, spend 2 hours siotting in a flat doing... nothing. Go out to look for him again, get into scuffle with local chav populace. Possibly only redeeming moment of night. Am now home after just 1 pint and very very bored.

Argh.

[Mauve Shirt]

Just me again.

On Wednesday, I am either going to be ecstatic or completely and totally screwed. I have a depressing feeling that it will be the latter.
Grades come out. If my GPA is below a 1.6, I'm suspended and I can't go back to Mary Washington next semester. I need at least one A to bring it back over 1.6, and I'm not positive that I'll get that much.
I should have dropped English. That's the class I'm most concerned about.

What do I do?! You can't get a job without a degree. And if I flunk out, I'm sure my parents will think of me as the dropout child, the one that can't deal with academia. Meanwhile my sister has a thought out plan for her future, knows exactly where she's going, their only complaint about her is that she's a little irresponsible as far as money goes. I'm just unmotivated, lazy, uninterested, a complete failure. Unconditional love doesn't exist, I'll always be compared to my sister.

I don't know what I'd do. I either go to community college and get a degree there, or I go to some technical school to get skills that get me a decent job until I'm mature enough to go back to Mary Wash. There's absolutely nothing wrong with HCC, many of my friends go there. There's just the depressed and unmotivated part of me that thinks I'll just fail more and end up under a pile of bad credits and never get anywhere.
I just don't know what to do. My parents won't help me make a decision, because I'm an adult now and need to make my own decision. But how do you know that you're making the right choice if someone doesn't tell you?!

I won't know until Wednesday, and if my GPA is high enough I'll be back celebrating. In the meantime, I'm getting next to no sleep and I'm constantly worried about it.

[faerwain]

Go out to look for him again, get into scuffle with local chav populace. Possibly only redeeming moment of night.

I take it you won? :smallwink:
Sorry about that wasted day, pal.


Kicking herself

*hits Mauve above the head*
Would you snap out of it already?!?!

Sorry. You needed that, believe me. I have the strong impression that was not you, but your inner..eh..we call it "Schweinehund"('pigdog') in German, speaking. What's the english word? You know, that stupid voice in your head that keeps you from doing something, but is pretty active when it comes to kick yourself down.

Now, I can't judge whether your fears are justified or not, but no matter how the outcome will be, stop putting yourself down and talking bad to yourself about yourself.
(Nice surreal sentence, eh?)
What I noticed was that you not talked in the present, but in the future of your parents(they will see me..). That leaves me the question: Do you honestly have the feeling that they see you as a failure at the moment? Or is your fear of the future days clouding your judgement maybe a little?
Now, they may be worried, they might even be p** for a while if you actually fail, but from my experience parents who really actually divide their love between their children are very rare. They may have problems showing it clearly, but equal and great amounts of love to their different children seems to be parent standard gear.

Considering the job side, you seem to already have thought about other paths in case of need, which is a good tactic. But nobody could expect you to make a reasonable choice right now, while you still don't know and are in this state of mind anyway, so don't expect it from yourself, either.
(And far be it from me to deny the importance of education and degrees, but you are not doomed to lifelong unemployment when you fail the degree. And they can be achieved later, also. And yes, I do have the stories to back this up.)

Now, I'm a little worried that I come across very patronizing, that is not my intent. (And please keep in mind that English is also not my native language).
I just had the impression that you are starting the "Beating-yourself-up-Conga", (which somehow females seem to be very good at :smalltongue:) and I wanted to interrupt this at the beginning.
It's not like I can't understand you. Just you know, I made an attempt at studying combined with a moving, mainly with money from my parents they barely could give, didn't pass it and took the warehouse job I had as a sideline as a fulltime job. Telling them I didn't pass the test to continue university was not something I looked forward either.

So, I'm stopping being a smartass now. If you want, my PM is open for sharing expiriences with school and work or just talking.

[Matticus]

Hm...Okay, the day after tomorrow, I perform on an instrument in front of a large amount of people. :smalleek::smallfrown::smallannoyed:
Haven't practiced much, improvising anyway, and I was asked last time not to do the same thing I did last time, which was pretty much to play whatever I felt like for a couple of minutes. Oddly enough, this time around, I'm going to play whatever I feel like for a couple of minutes.
Probably behind schedule on my History project, too. Got an NCEA-credit film study in English, homework due Wednesday which I haven't touched and probably won't, and I do believe I failed my test on DNA.

Oh, and on GTA: Vice City, I can't win a freakin' race. The other guy has a Sabre Turbo, which anyone who's played will know is a pretty damn good car, and they stick me with a SENTINEL. Not a Sentinel XS, which has crap steering but decent speed on it, but a Sentinel. So I have to be an uncanny driver to beat Hilary. And I am (Not hard). Not uncanny enough, however, to evade the six billion police cars chasing me. Particularly when two of them come at me from either side of a blind corner. And it's particularly annoying when they hit me twenty metres from the finish line with Hilary almost behind me. :smallmad:

[Nychta]

So...

Why do my friend's crushes always end up liking me instead?:smallmad:

</eloquent rhetorical question>

[Cobra_Ikari]

So...

Why do my friend's crushes always end up liking me instead?:smallmad:

</eloquent rhetorical question>

...because you're awesome like that? *snuggles*



...not sure if this is the place it should go, but the prevalence of disturbing fantasies is getting on my nerves. :smallmad:

[Thanatos 51-50]

Why do my friend's crushes always end up liking me instead?:smallmad:

Any number of reasons: Let me list a few:
Are you cuter?
Smarter?
Funnier?
Do they know you better?
A wittier person is you?
How about intelligent conversations? Are you better at holding them?
The list goes on.

[Nychta]

Well seeing as she sometimes comes on these forums, I think it would be prudent to leave those questions alone.
But thanks, you've given me a bit to think about...

[Cobra_Ikari]

Well seeing as she sometimes comes on these forums, I think it would be prudent to leave those questions alone.
But thanks, you've given me a bit to think about...

*le gaspe*...another forumite?

*crushes on you both* ^_^

[Hoggy]

Tax runs out on my car soon, and whoopdedoo, there goes another £120 I can't really afford to pay. Meh. Need more shifts at work.

EDITO!


I take it you won?

In fights, there are no winners and losers, there's the guy who gets beat up more and the guy who gets beat up less.

That said, I was the guy who got beat up less. :smalltongue:

[Jae]

Why do my friend's crushes always end up liking me instead?
In the most inoffensive way possible, I hope you realize how entirely snobby that sounds.

sick of people sick of people sick of people sick of people...

i mean, eh. At least I know who my real friends are, right?? lol me and my friend were talking about this today and after we decided everybody should be as amazing as us, we decided that the real friends were few and far between. whatever. i have people i can whine to who get it and take my side when need be. ill live. but in the meantime i wish i had like...er. invisi power. yeaaah. :smallannoyed:

[Cobra_Ikari]

In the most inoffensive way possible, I hope you realize how entirely snobby that sounds.

sick of people sick of people sick of people sick of people...

i mean, eh. At least I know who my real friends are, right?? lol me and my friend were talking about this today and after we decided everybody should be as amazing as us, we decided that the real friends were few and far between. whatever. i have people i can whine to who get it and take my side when need be. ill live. but in the meantime i wish i had like...er. invisi power. yeaaah. :smallannoyed:

...I'll be your real friend...*hugs*...

[RabbitHoleLost]

In the most inoffensive way possible, I hope you realize how entirely snobby that sounds.

sick of people sick of people sick of people sick of people...

i mean, eh. At least I know who my real friends are, right?? lol me and my friend were talking about this today and after we decided everybody should be as amazing as us, we decided that the real friends were few and far between. whatever. i have people i can whine to who get it and take my side when need be. ill live. but in the meantime i wish i had like...er. invisi power. yeaaah. :smallannoyed:

If it makes you feel betters, aside from two or three "real life" friends, most of my real friends are online.

[Mauve Shirt]

I consider you guys all "real friends." You're not sick of me yet. Visibly. I mean, you might just roll your eyes every time I post, but at least I don't feel like I'm being judged when I post here. Unreasonable or not, ranting to you guys makes me feel much better about it, while ranting at any friends IRL just makes me feel like no one cares.

[Cobra_Ikari]

You guys have never beaten me up or humiliated me for entertainment, which places you a step above several of my real life closest friends...unfortunately. *sighs*

[Jae]

...I'll be your real friend...*hugs*...
lol thanks i dont think it works like that though.


If it makes you feel betters, aside from two or three "real life" friends, most of my real friends are online.
No, that does not make me feel better lol.
why do we always do that? it'd be v sick if other peoples bad situations made me feel good :smallconfused:

you guysss :smallfrown:

[Shraik]

Grr...
Third mention of this. Part of a circle of friends.
Now the other two have started dating.
Now me and my other friend with the same name as me aren't.
And I like someone...
and one kid is going after her, a friend, who seems to have no sense of decency to do that to a friend.

I hate this. Who wants to hang out with friends if their all dating. And I'm the one thats on a good page with almost everyone. I am tight with Everyone.
And still, I am being laughed at. Some extraplaner deity is laughing at the fact that despite the fact I can date, and despite the fact I like two girls. Despite the fact I feel confident to ask one out now. That still, everyone other then myself is handed what they wish(LITERALLY) and I must work and work to no Avail. Half of these people aren't even allowed to date.

Irony is a Bitch
So if life sometimes.
My friend said "Sometimes it seems things are just handed to you on a silver platter" More like "No, go get your own friggin platter"
And everyone complains after breaking up three weeks after a relationship and I wish I can say "aww... you know what would help? If you stfu, because you know what? You have your fun. You got to have your fun. And I am personally stuck watching everyone have their fun. And I want to have fun, maybe not with just another, but friends...but wait I can't because your all having fun with each other"
Gahh
I don't wanna do this. The second I stop hanging out with this people because I can't take it....BAM! The new group is gonna get lucky. I can't hang with my friends with grade school because half I am physically unable to see and the other one will be talking about the greatness of the Junior he was just with.
Two broke up, and now they're gonna be complaining, and will find ways to make me uncomfortable other then that.
Can I ever get a moment of peace in my life? Ever? First there was this kid ruining my life. Then all these people dating. And before the kid a fellow gamer. And before that my depression of crying myself to sleep nightly. And before that someone else. And before that all my teachers, and before that having two friends that weren't so great.
I just don't like seeing it. It makes things awkward. It reminds me of the things I want. It reminds me of the things I can't have.
GAHH
GAHHH
GAH

[Aereshaa_the_2nd]

I have exactly 3 offline friends. 3. Two don't go to my school, and never will. the rest are in forums for the webcomics.

[Jae]

Shraik, focus on that third sentence. Whilst your friends are dealing with mass amounts of complication due to what could only be described as the typical teen relationship, you get to deal with SIMPLICITY. everybody likes you! Love it! enjoy it! Because the second you get involved with another human being you're at risk, confused, and forever complicated. Rarely is it even worth it. Usually, three weeks worth of quote-on-quote "fun" is not the equivelant of a friendship...or ruining one, at that. This praised idea of a "relationship" is more or less a glamorized friendship SUICIDE.
haha. And, no, im not even feeling particularly cynical right now. It's just the simple truth. And at the end of most relationships/flings/whatevskis, I almost always wish I had never got in it to begin with.
so they can stick that in their juice box and suckkkkkittttt.

Psychosomatic illnesses sound so demeaning.

[Castaras]

If it makes you feel betters, aside from two or three "real life" friends, most of my real friends are online.

Likewise...

I have aquaintances. Not real friends though in real life, tbh.

It's the people on the 'net I'm most friendly with and talk most with. =)

[Mauve Shirt]

YES!!!!!

I PULLED MY GPA OUT OF PROBATION AND CAN RETURN TO MARY WASHINGTON IN THE FALL!!!!! :smallbiggrin::smallsmile::smalltongue::smallwink: :smallbiggrin:

You guys, you totally kept me sane during the most panic-ridden weeks of my life, and I love you all. *hugs every single person here*

[North]

Good job Mauve :smallbiggrin: Much woot!

[†Seer†]

YES!!!!!

I PULLED MY GPA OUT OF PROBATION AND CAN RETURN TO MARY WASHINGTON IN THE FALL!!!!! :smallbiggrin::smallsmile::smalltongue::smallwink: :smallbiggrin:

You guys, you totally kept me sane during the most panic-ridden weeks of my life, and I love you all. *hugs every single person here*

WOOOOT! *tackls and plys with many congrats* Keep it up!!


@ Topic...Hmm something unreasonable. My darn feet are still dry and they shouldn't be! (Not dry as in the absence of wet) I need more lotion :smallyuk:
And more motivation for my project which I have a BLAST doing when I work on it. I just don't want to work on it.. *Gasps* Oh noes! I must not want to have fun! It's a hari-kiri of amusement! *wanders off hoping someone'll chuckle*

[Jae]

Alright so, today itself wasnt bad at all but since arriving at my house a lot of things have been on my mind. bear with me.

I do not need people, I never really have. I used to be proud of the fact but I have been less and less the more people seem disgusted by it. Even when I was younger, I think I was always pretty independent of my family. I never asked my mother to show up at school or sporting events...idk. I never really needed praise for things. But the few times I get dearly excited at the thought of my mother being there for something I do, she doesnt really care to be there. And I get that shes busy, but shes not working. I dont know. A lot of my friends parents seem so involved in their kids lives and, no, I dont really want it to the extreme, but to an extent. And Im kind of mad about it. but I have such problems with being mad at my mom..and it doesnt seem like I should, because its a rather common thing. family gets mad at eachother, and mine is far from perfect. But I just..gah CANT be mad at my mom, cant say that Im mad at her. its wierd. and I know why, but I dont like that idea.
moreover, she has the nerve to go ahead and say (knowing im irritated at her) "I GOT YOUR PROGRESS REPORT TODAY! IT'S TERRIBLE! AND FOR WHAT?!"
uhhhhh. because I CANT DO IT? Im pretty sick of being told what I can and cant accomplish, being told of my own capabilities, being given this standard of "this is what you SHOULD be." No, you're wrong. everybodys wrong. and im not sure from where this idea has stemmed but Im dumb DUMB DUMB! accept it, i freaking have. I "can be" exactly what I am now.

I really did have a thought more important than whining but I forget it now. damn.

today was a nice day.

[Mauve Shirt]

Man, Jae, I'm like the complete opposite of you.
I find it difficult to do anything if I don't receive praise for it. It doesn't stop me from being mediocre, but I have trouble realizing that I am what I am, I don't have to make choices because they're expected of me. But that's what's done, you do what you have to do to make the people around you happy. That's what grades are all about. It's all about you in comparison to other people, very little about being "yourself." I mean, what ARE you like, actually? What qualities do you have that can't be attributed to something outside you? Without other people, I'd have no idea what to do with myself. Without expectations to meet, how do I make myself do anything? And if I don't meet those expectations, am I as complete a failure as I feel?
Enough reiteration of general Mauve mopiness! I have reason to be happy!

[Jae]

Ha yeah mauve that is..completely unlike me. And the phrase "Im proud of you" almost always warrants a "yeah, okay whatever."

And its a bad habit but if a choice or answer is expected I TRY not to use that one. It's the different, borderline rebellious, choice that I go for. I mean, I wont do stuff just to be rebellious because I never shot for the "without a cause" label. But I have NO issue doing the "wrong" thing with a decent reason. Actually, Im still thought of as a good kid..which is funny because most "good kids" are complacent and im quite the opinionated smart mouth with a fairly dominating and bad attitude. I think "strong" is what most people call it.

I know most of those questions are rhetorical but..what am I without other people?? Independent, zealous, the same exact person without all these obstacles and judgements??
and why are those even the standards, the expectations?? Because we were told, and we ate it undoubtedly. (and why do i always sound like some paranoid anarchist when i try and make a point??)

[faerwain]

YES!!!!!

I PULLED MY GPA OUT OF PROBATION AND CAN RETURN TO MARY WASHINGTON IN THE FALL!!!!! :smallbiggrin::smallsmile::smalltongue::smallwink: :smallbiggrin:

You guys, you totally kept me sane during the most panic-ridden weeks of my life, and I love you all. *hugs every single person here*

*sneaks in just to catch a hug*

I have no idea what a GPA is, but as it sounds as you made your goal, Congrats!!

[Solo]

*le gaspe*...another forumite?

*crushes on you both* ^_^

*Seperates Cobra and Nadia with a shotgun*

[Quincunx]

Jae: The New Holden Caulfield, Updated for 2008.

Qualifies for an Unreasonable Ranting because you were cut from the same rib as my younger sister. Whenever I drop by this thread particularly, the echo makes me think a rift has torn open in time. I am having to talk with said sister lately long-distance, and thanks to Jae's faultless posting, my idea of my sister's identity is frozen at age fifteen, still. They're two loudspeakers slightly out of sync.

@Cobra_Ikari, two posts down: Don't stress about that quite as much. You are a good friend to fragile people. However, fragile people can break without being touched at all, leaving their friends to wonder what they did wrong, when they did nothing outside of normal friendly interaction. The breakage rate is naturally higher among the glass sculpture souls of fragile people than the rusty iron sculpture souls of callous people.

[Nychta]

In the most inoffensive way possible, I hope you realize how entirely snobby that sounds.

sick of people sick of people sick of people sick of people...

i mean, eh. At least I know who my real friends are, right?? lol me and my friend were talking about this today and after we decided everybody should be as amazing as us, we decided that the real friends were few and far between. whatever. i have people i can whine to who get it and take my side when need be. ill live. but in the meantime i wish i had like...er. invisi power. yeaaah. :smallannoyed:

Yes. I'm really sorry. *headdesk* And no, I deserved to be told in the MOST offensive way possible, so thanks for sparing me. I only realised once I got out of my sugar high, and then I felt bad about it, but I don't want to edit it now, because that might confuse everyone.
And wow I didn't know I had it in me to sound quite that pretentious.

Also *appeals to Solo* Cobra is a good guy! He wouldn't hurt me ever ever!

Exams. Two weeks. I don't want to be in the Playground any less, but I also would like to do reasonably well. Balance is the key, but there is no BALANCE in my life at the moment. Like, at all. I go through week-long phases. And it sucks.

[Cobra_Ikari]

Actually, I seem to have a talent for unintentionally hurting the people I care about. *rawrs at self, sighs*

[Solo]

Also *appeals to Solo* Cobra is a good guy! He wouldn't hurt me ever ever!


Oh, i'm not worried aobut him hurting you...

[Jae]

Quincunx, not even entirely sure how to take that. So I suppose I wont.


And wow I didn't know I had it in me to sound quite that pretentious.
we all do. no worries.

rant?? im thinkin yeah.
its a good'un.
These last few days have actually been really nice. I like to not worry about anything. and, of course, theres been plenty to worry about and ive just been in fun situations where I didnt HAVE to stress it. track banquet yesterday, out to lunch with some friends today. it was nice.

haha even school wasnt bad. well, chem was. and the movie in english made me want to punch a baby..but I think the others were okay.
hahah my p.e. teacher is a jerk (in a good way? lol) what did he say today?
"-insertmyrealnamehere-, You're much better at poetry than golf." HOW DO YOU FIGURE?!? ha

In Japanese me and my friend were talking about just stuff, yknow. we usually chat everyday about nothing in particular. And this kid whose really really beyond creepy and nobody really likes him, but we're nice to him because he's not really a jerk and I try to be nice to people I feel sorry for. But today he turns to us and goes "WILL YOU GUYS JUST SHUT UP?! GOSH! YOUR SO ANNOYING!" ha and my friend was like "uhh...will you? because unless you want to get hit, I would." and my japanese teacher is just like wtf and the kid is just like "I just dont understand why they always have to talk about stuff thats not important." and my teacher was like "...are you seriously talking about how trivial THEIR conversation is?" lol it was like, completely ridiculous in a really funny way. but wtf. i was nice to this little punk, what is he acting all high and mighty for?

math me and a friend helped this other friend figure out his girl troubles. which is always exciting.

ap euro ALWAYS makes me want to punch a baby.

the end :smallsmile:

[captain_decadence]

*sneaks in just to catch a hug*

I have no idea what a GPA is, but as it sounds as you made your goal, Congrats!!

GPA+ Grade Point Average

It's what your grades are on a 4 point scale in most universities in the United States (I don't know the scales for other countries, but I know they are different). You usually have to keep it above a certain level to remain at uni.

My unreasonable rant is that my new apartment is not ready but my lease runs out on my old apartment tomorrow. I may soon be a hobo if one of these two problems aren't solved. My land lady is not going to give me an extension (even though I paid until the 20th...grrrr) but the other apartment needs to be cleaned/renovated before I can move in. There is nothing I can do but it just frustrates me sooooo much.

[Aereshaa_the_2nd]

My sleeping problems have gotten a bit worse.:smallannoyed: I had 3 hours sleep yesterday, 2 hours the day before, and only three days ago did I have eight hours... and yet I'm not tired. Dammit.:smallmad:

[Jae]

If you arent phsyically nor mentally tired, whats the problem??

LONG LONG LONG UNREASONABLE RANT! YOUVE BEEN FOREWARNED!
its come to my attention that ive always got something or other on my mind. that i ask far too many questions because i want far too many answers. And I think maybe I DONT remember conversations as well as I think I do, but I remember answers. even if I havent asked a question, if somebody gives me a fact i can work with in some kind of analysis ill replay it over until ive taken it from every viewpoint. by that time, of course, its embedded in my memory and i can take out said fact whenever its going to help prove a point. i never used to think this was bad, and im still not sure I do, but its definitely the cause of some detatchment being that I engross myself in analysis without putting myself in the situation. and its been a long time since I actually put any of this to good use. people used to come to me with their problems for answers and specfication. Now? idk. People seem...uncomfortable or scared or something.

Today we were talking about pretty girls, me and two friends. one of these friends a girl ive known almost my whole life and a guy ive gotten to know this year. He was saying how track girls (me and him being on track) should not be so hot which somehow led to how well I pull off the track uniform and how most girls cannot. I do NOT pull it off at all and I feel kind of trampy, I dont like showing skin. Short shorts make me feel like a slut. ANDDD I do NOT under any circumstances look good in them let alone "hot." which of course led to how Im pretty and when I denied this he goes "you looked damn right gorgeous at the track banquet the other day." which at first made me go awww but since we tease eachother all the time I had to come back with "OH, SO IM UGLY THE REST OF THE TIME?!" His reply was that I just dont seem to try to look good for guys..ever.
which yeah is true. but everybody keeps saying it like its a bad thing. Why should I?? What do I possibly gain out of dressing up for other people? I end up feeling like a barbie doll. a walking, talking doll without a purty lil thought in my purty lil head. yeah,no. give me a good enough reason.

on a final note, i think i have an extreme lack of..empathy. and i dont try to, but I never..get peoples feelings. I get peoples thoughts, thoughts I can work with, feelings are only the reactions to thoughts. And I cant help with feelings unless I know the mindset behind it, which means if somebody is upset and refuses to talk with me I WONT get it. and ill try but it wont work. this is not usually a problem for me because im not usually a person of conflict. not that im compliant, im just so overly uncompliant most people dont really dare to challenge me in a way that would involve fighting. but i dont really mind fighting if I get to know about it. ambiguity will piss me the hell off, though. to no avail.
soo when I ask if somethings up, I like to be told. and when I ask why im being ignored, i dun wanna hear psuedo cluelessness. and, yes, you, because you're more apt to listen if you read it elsewhere than me telling you.

im not a nice person, and this is genuine. care for my sake because if you dont how will i be genuinely nice to people in ze future?

[Mauve Shirt]

Dude, Jae,

When someone compliments you, take it as a compliment, and take it politely. Don't consider everything a veiled slight, especially something meant to me nice.
Also, "care because if you don't I won't be nice in the future"? Given that you assume that people don't care, would it even matter if we do? How do we show we care, exactly?

[Jae]

I did take it as a compliment. And politely. I said "thank you, I appreciate it"
all else was joking that, trust, he'd understand because its an on-going thing with us.

I dont think I ever assumed that people dont care, in general. That statement was very specific. So idk if you'd like me to answer in general or specifically.

In general, you show you care by listening, talking, etcetera. im kind of under the belief that if you do truly care all else will fall into place and compassion will represent itself in its own way, depending on the situation.

Specifically, this person would talk to me in a way that they know they arent currently. but i dont think thats something they dont know.

EDIT: and "care or i wont be nice" is not at all what I was getting at. More that if you burn me now, its going to be so much harder for me to be nice to other people because im already on such a defense all the time

[Gaelbert]

Bad day.
I worked a snack bar all day in a gym with no air conditioning. The temperature got over 100 degrees F here, and I do not react well to heat. I nearly got heat sickness or whatever they call it. Then, when I was still off kilter due to the temperature thing, my mom starts being upset at me for things I honestly cannot remember as I'm writing this, yet they happened today. This leads me to believe that they were fairly insignificant. However, I'm no less grounded, and that isn't fun. Last night I had a pretty big argument with a very good friend. He can be very inconsiderate at times. And now today I'm about 90% sure that a "supposed" friend of mine has been badmouthing me behind my back, and when I confronted this person, they said it wasn'yt them. Which means they are telling the truth and someone else doesn't like me, or they are a lying -. And I've put up with a lot from this friend and for this friend, so that's no good.

[Jae]

He can be very inconsiderate at times.
Sounds familiar.

A lot for and from them, eh??

Im not bad mouthing you. I dont really think any of that except what I specified. But if I just said that, you wouldnt have listened. If it sounded mean, if it sounded completely bitchy, I was sure you'd actually pay attention. Go figures, ruthless or not at all. Nice lesson, "buddy," you'll ignore polite questions and listen intently the minute im as spiteful as youve been to me in the past.

The most Ive said "bad" about you is when Im whining to my close friends about how everything is different and i feel talked about wherever I go and how i feel sick. You know me. I talk TO, not ABOUT.

I could tell you exactly who does badmouth you. Thats the irony here. Ive stuck up for you when you were quiet for me. And thats fine. I handle things better than you. But it isnt fine if you dont realize it..dont realize how much Ive put up from and for YOU. Did you know, although I may not have been liked too much, I didnt have any real conflict with anyone all year? I know people have been giving you crap for "being my friend" but flip it around. For being your friend, people now talk about me. constantly. your just the guy who hangs with this girl, im this girl. Im this girl whose friend, who is indirectly the cause of unhappiness, wont even talk to her without acting like he wants to be anywhere but. Girl who cant do a god damn thing right anymore, both in and out of this situation. Girl whose held her tongue when it was inconceivable.

So dont discredit me for getting your attention the only way i thought would work. I never blamed you, and you seem to shift it on me a lot. I cant even explain how sickeningly stressed ive been, I want to cry because I cant BREATHE, and how little ive said about it.

Im so sorry people are laughing at your friend, im so sorry this friend still defended you when she was pissed beyond all belief, im sorry she basically would embarass herself when it made you more comfortable. Damn her in all her misery.

I may be speaking off a lot of hot anger right now, but take me seriously. for once.

I just want to go back, man. a month backwards. id give up a lot for that much.

my day??
mother thinks im a whore and is horrible at hiding it. shes so quick to assume Id like to reveal myself in every way possible and doesnt realize that how i dress is anything BUT revealing. but, still, she must monitor me because im such a tramp. whatever.
missed school today. I actually wouldnt have minded going today, wanted to talk with some people. but noope. slept on my brothers bunkbed because i locked myself out of my room and he warned me five times about hitting my head on his ceiling fan, which i still did. I really love my brother though, maybe more than anybody I know. But I really hate that he's like me...****, he's really like me.
tried to get a "supposed" friend to understand, to not ignore me for once. He didnt, until I was vicious. and maybe I was too vicious, and maybe I am sorry, but I swear I couldnt keep going on in a "friendship" where even when I felt at my worst, I was ignored. and now i get that he'll take it/took it the completely wrong way, but im hoping he'll believe me that i really just wanted him to wake up a little. Im not sure that he did, or that he will, but i cant change it now.

EDIT: I think ive cooled, a little, and I realize that my intent of this whole angry rant wont match the result. I want to make you..idk...get it, but I think Im really only going to make you hate me. and i know that i dont want you to hate me. lately its been...wierd. and i miss you in the most nostalgic of ways. and there are about a million nicer memories running through my head that id rather tell you about, but probably in a uhhh more personal setting. And if you want, you can hate me. In all truth, I dont actually expect you talk to me like...ever again. but id really like it if you'd talk to me, actually talk to me. a conversation that lasts and where nothing is omitted and then idk maybe things will get nicer. but not without talking more than we have been. your choice, though

[Gaelbert]

You're right. I fail. Don't worry, I won't bug any of you again. That includes you, Jae.

[Generic Archer]

hmm, rant topic. i like... and just the place to be now so i can fume about television stations.
Australia seems to be worse than most as far as tv goes, most of the stuff we import from the US or UK. the rest is mostly atrocious reality TV. IMO there are only two channels worth watching, the ABC (Australian broadcasting corporation(not american:smalltongue:)) and SBS, and the other channels just keep reinforcing this. of the only two series i have started to watch on other channels in the past 2 years, both were on prime, and both were axed before the end of the season.
the most recent of these, "Moonlight" i was still able to watch via downloads from the US... but now even their channel has axed it:smallmad:
This is most of the reason i don't even have a television. just the laptop

[Jae]

A few months back I met this kid. We actually had classes together all year long but he was always really quiet and from the people he hung out with I figured he'd never really take the time to say anything to me. But he said hi to me afterschool once and we only spoke for a few minutes and, oddly enough, he actually changed my opinion within those few minutes. He caught my attention within those few minutes. I dont know that he ever looked back on it, but he at least knows now that people who work months for my attention rarely get it. And just because he said hi to me that one time I talked to him at a basketball game that night. Even more oddly, this led to an online conversation that same night. which lasted until..what? Midnight? one in the morning? And I wouldnt have minded it last longer.
This actually went on for awhile. I dont think there was a day within those next few weeks we didnt talk for HOURS on the internet. Until we exchanged phone numbers, which meant we talked for hours online and then on the phone..and through text message...and on this forum...and I believe he even sent his first email on his account to me. More importantly, through these hours of conversation, I dont remember fighting once. I remember arguing constantly, and never fighting. It was great. And I miss it.
I miss movies where I get to hear all about the logistics of why that COULD NOT HAPPEN and accidentally spilling popcorn on the people in front of us and being bought corporate capitalism. I miss hearing his mother and little sister listening intently to the phone conversations. I miss that, even when he was out of town, he actually called everyday. I miss saltwater taffy. I miss book cover fights. I miss the serious conversations about the worst parts of life. I miss philosophy. I miss the conversations I couldnt figure out, to this day. I miss borrowing books (i still have one of yours, please dont only demand it back after reading all this...) I miss giving you books for your birthday.

But people talk. And I dont blame this boy, I blame myself for being so universally disliked in a high school setting. I blame me, for confronting it and thus making it so much bigger. And I blame me for always blaming him. But I swear, I only ever acted the way I did because it was so hard knowing that the connection we had was gone. That he just didnt..care the way he used to. That he felt no need to talk to me with the intensity he used to. I swear, I just cared way too much. I still care so much, this kills.

What this boy doesnt know is that I woke up about six times last night, and everytime I couldnt breathe. and everytime, I was shaking and I felt sick and I had to avoid all thought just to get back to sleep. And me, the girl who sleeps till one, was up at six. Counting down the hours until it might be an appropriate time to call, literally begging for this last chance. I failed, not you. I always fail. I can never do anything right. I hate me. I hate me more than you ever could. And writing about everything I miss and how things used to be has been the first time ive actually breathed. and maybe I cried. (Have I ever talked about me crying in all this time?) I just tried to stand, actually, and felt literally...weak. I know, im being pathetic. you can say that. But how often am I pathetic? You know me, in all my strength, my stubborness, you've likened me to a stone before. It means something that im saying all this, publicly, because its the only place I think you'll read it.

Im so, so sorry. I suck. but youve always been pretty amazing. just..please? if any of this means anything to you?
Id really, really like it to. I dont think you want to hate me. please dont.

forgive me because ill be more miserable if you dont. and no matter what I say it really wont ever match the feeling =/

[Inanis]

I feel sorry for you Jae, you remind me of a girl I used to call A LOT.
But I kinda lost interest.. because of her pessimistic attitude.. and meeting another great girl.

Negativism really drives people apart..

I can only say.. never make your happiness depend on someone else, see yourself as the most important person in the world, be your own best friend and supporter.

[Dragonrider]

Jae DOES think that way. At least, that's what she says. :smalltongue:

(But I find that a form of negativism as well?)

[Jae]

Jae DOES think that way. At least, that's what she says
No I..definitely think that way. Im the epitome of independency. You know the type...chick who never took or needed anything from anybody. But I have my close friends. I mean, usually it just takes like years to get into the place of close friend but (even though i frequentley made it clear i didnt) i trusted this kid from the start.
And I dont know that I feel romantic toward him, but he was always really important to me. he still is. and i hope he knows that. (do you?)

I dont know. i have a feeling none of this matters because i dont think he much cares about what i care about. im a bitch, i always have been, and i have a horrible temper. and i acted on it. it was a mistake, but i dont think he cares

=/ damnit


I feel sorry for you Jae
Are you reading this?? ****, YOU KNOW ME. You know the last thing I wanted to be was this whiny little girl everybody felt sorry for because shes pathetic in every way. Im the one who fakes strength just to avoid pity. This is how bad I want to change things.

and dont feel sorry for me, i was entirely in the wrong. im a rather horrid person..

[Cobra_Ikari]

*hugs Jae tight*

...wow. That's...wow.

...I wish I had more friends like that.

[Cobra_Ikari]

*hugs Jae tight*

...wow. That's...wow.

...I wish I had more friends like that.

[Jae]

Not sure whether you mean more friends like him or me.

because if you mean him then yeah, me too.

but if you mean me then just..lol no. and dont fight me on it because i am very sick of fighting. literally. so just..yeah no.

[Cobra_Ikari]

Not sure whether you mean more friends like him or me.

because if you mean him then yeah, me too.

but if you mean me then just..lol no. and dont fight me on it because i am very sick of fighting. literally. so just..yeah no.

...then I won't fight you. *hugs tight*

...you're a great girl, Jae.

[Jae]

haha, no. and dont fight me on that either.

[Cobra_Ikari]

haha, no. and dont fight me on that either.

Then I'll maintain that as a silent belief, hun. *snuggles*

People always seem to think they're awful. I've known truly evil people, and I also know that the people I've met pale in comparison to some of the people out there.

...and even if you're not going that far...you're still not bad. Aww, crap. Am I fighting? :smallfrown:

[Saeveo]

im a rather horrid person..

I call bull-sh*t. You say you are, but everything else you say screams otherwise. You care about him. You miss him enough to cry about it. And you feel bad enough about what happened to hate yourself. That is the bloody anti-thesis of a horrid person.

When you don't give a damn about anyone and you can hurt people without remorse, then you can call yourself horrid.

[Jae]

Ive done that. Ive hurt people and not cared at all. So, yeah, im a horrid person. And, yes, I care now, but my caring doesn’t actually change anything, does it?
But I wasn’t joking around when I said I didn’t want to be fought on it. Seriously, I don’t want to hear that im a good person or really anything good about me. Im not, and the next person that says otherwise Im just going to ignore.

And I have a feeling the more we talk about how im a “good person” the more somebody else is going to want to come and say otherwise. I don’t need another reason to piss this person off, and I don’t need to hear how horrible I am from them. So, stop.

[Scintillatus]

If I hear one more "LOL EMO/GOTH" comment I'm going to tie the offender's arse hairs to his nose hairs and roll him off a bloody cliff.

I am sick and bloody tired of people who have ZERO knowledge of the subcultures either passing judgement on them or using them as an insult. It is extremely irritating by this point. People quoting lyrics they do not comprehend is demeaning and insulting to the artist's original experience.

Being something short of a ditzy buffoon sailing through life as if it were one long acid trip does not make you a ****ing cutter, and liking music with emotional content doesn't mean you cry all the bloody time.

Rrrgh.

[Thima]

I agree with that.People on my bus say things like that everyday and ita angers me ever so much.Every time I hear someone saying a comment like that,no matter what thier age,I turn around and voice my opinion on how they are acting.
I'm also sick of people ridiculing other people(a.k.a. me) because they don't wear skirts,dresses,and makeup or because they are intelligent.:smallfurious:

also how do you put up spoiler tags:smallconfused:

[Mauve Shirt]

[spoiler]content[ /spoiler] without the space.

I've never heard "goth" used as an insult, but "emo" is used all the time.
I have had people ridicule me for not dressing up, you should keep a list of witty insults to throw at them.

[Thima]

thank you so much for telling me how to use spoilers.

Goth is used as an insult quite a bit in my school as well as emo.and that is good advice to keep witty insults to throw back at them.Thank you *gives cookie*:smallbiggrin:

[Serpentine]

Nothing wrong with goths (I've been friends with a wanna-be goth, an ex-goth, and a friend of goths, but oddly enough I've never even met a "practicing" goth...), but emos, as I understand it, wear "depression" like a fashion accessory. This, in itself, is enough to make me ridicule it for being bloody stupid and superficial.

Generic Archer, I'm with you on this. Unfortunately SBS seems to have cut all its most interesting films (I never even got to see Orgasmo, Killer Condoms or Vampiros Lesbos :smallfrown:), and ABC is BBC: Australia Edition! but they're both still leaps and bounds beyond the other stations. Occasionally they get something good - Simpsons is an old staple, and then there's Futurama, Heroes, Torchwood, Lost (before it got just stupid), Stargate, Star Trek, Family Guy, American Dad, Kingdom Hospital, Scrubs... that's all I can think of right now - but they almost always completely shaft it. For example, the one season, or maybe two, of The Simpsons seems to be repeated over and over for years before they decide to move onto another one. Star Trek is gone long ago, Futurama is on and off, and most of the others are lucky to get on TV before 10pm. And, of course, almost every single one of those is US of American. And the one that isn't is English (British?). With a US character.
And then there's Channel Nine's Hard-Hitting Journalism :smallsigh:

[Jae]

When you get something the first try, it seems unrealistic. easy. If you made a house of cards the first time, you wouldnt have a problem if you knocked it all down. Because, hey, you could do it again. It was easy, simple. And it never really clicks that maybe, by a stroke of luck, you made all the right moves the first time. And you dont realize until the second time around that it was really really lucky that it all happened that way. Because how on earth are you going to build this up to be what it was in the first place?? I mean, you cant. Nothing ever falls the right way. And you will compare every other attempt to that very first time and get mad and watch as it gets worse and worse, never better. never closer to that semi-perfection you seemed to hit the first time around.
Rarely do we get things right the first time. We're human. We're supposed to learn, so we assume that we can be the superior of every original idea or project or whatever. And usually this is true. And then sometimes, well, if it isn't broken...

I realized this when I was eleven. Only then I think I likened it to a broken CD. I think I was more logical, more thoughtful, and deeper when I was eleven. That was probably wierd for a kid, but mann. id be lying if I said I wouldnt kill to be that kind of different again. And I used to be right. People used to come to me and ask about their situations and lives and it seemed I was ALWAYS RIGHT with people and I knew exactly how to fix things. and now lol I am wrong when its most important. or people like me to think im wrong. but mostly i think its the actually being wrong thing..

My friends still like me. They still think im smart, they can still take my opinion in trust. but now I just wonder why.and i dont know that im pitying myself as much as..punishing myself? Because i really do not like me right now. but im feeling a little better about it. idk. I have a feeling those who hate me have always been right, and my closest friends feel sorry for me. This is not a great way to think. I need to trust people more. But I think I only am so paranoid right now because I did trust this last time and everytime i let my guard down so dramatically it ends up like, well, this. because i am totally and completely a screw up. whatever. i just need to..whatever. i dont know. damnit.

But I am not feeling entirely sick right now. I think maybe that is good. And I can wait. i do not like waiting, but im not killing myself for a stress relief at this moment.

I dont think you want to hate me. I dont know that you really want to not speak ever again. (Or maybe I do. the self-deprecating part of me thinks yeah you really do but the other part that remembers the way you used to talk to me thinks..no, he wouldnt torture me like this. the part of me that knows you knows that you're way so considerate and that regardless of who i was you're likely to care that im really genuinely sorry. thats you.) but you should let me know before i flip. just. yeah. little reassurance. maybe? =/

[Gygaxphobia]

I'm not feeling the anger any more so this isn't going to be a proper rant...

I'm really into my martial arts, I love the spirit you get between people when training and the buzz you get from exercise, especially pulling off cool moves.
I get really focussed, not to oserious, but I'm there to train and what to get things right.

So two guys are waving plastic knives at me and I'm going through the paces. Time and time again they gang up and try to stab me. Now right, that is the point of the exercise, but seriously we're there to train and learn techniques, so what's the point in me running from them the whole time (the best evasion technique!).
Then one of them kicks me in side of the knee while we're practising. I get p*ssed off, naturally I think. I didn't rage or shout, I just said "I give up, I'm taking a break while you carry on." Everyone was all over me with like "Whats wrong?" and I didn't want to talk about it in front of everyone else so I put them off but they wouldn't leave me alone.
So finally I said "I'm here to learn, not screw about. I busted my knee once and I was out of action for 3 years. So how can I trust you not to go overboard if you're going to screw around?"
Man I hate getting treated like a kid, but my instructor was all worried about my feelings getting hurt. I just wanted to practise, nothing else was wrong.

SO we get back into some stuff, and eventually I come back up against the guy who kicked me. I ask him what he wants to do and he goes "Well whatever as long as you're not going to cry again." I laughed at him and replied something reasonably nasty and then felt crap for it.
But I mean, what is the deal with that sort of t*sser? What could I do to handle that better?
I need to be able to trust the people I'm working with, at least to be able to explain what I'm comfortable with doing. It just sucks and makes me want to quit the class if it's going to be out of control and putting me at risk of serious injury.

bleuh.

[Jae]

Is there a name for like..an item-attachment disorder?? lol because I have it. I have the hardest time throwing things away, even trash sometimes. And then there are the things I COULD NOT throw away FOR THE LIFE OF ME (fortune cookie fortunes, movie tickets, tickets in general, etcetc.) And only recently have I gotten over the breaking of my old phone (last summer) and now this phone is breaking. which is actually okay because I have kept my distance from this phone and we are not close and have no real connection. I NEVER LET IT INTO MY HEARTZ!!!!
However, like material items, I cannot throw away...words. that sounds wierd. emails, messages, etc. uhmm like, for example, i have over 9000 messages in my myspace inbox which date back to aboutttt april 06. lol and I have over 1,500 text messages in my inbox (not counting the sent messages) which dates back to february. uhhh yeeeeeaaaaahhhhhhh...
I am not looking forward to losing those. dumb crap phone THAT I HAVE NO CONNECTION TO BECAUSE I DONT LOOOOVEEEEEE YOUUUU!!!!!!! :smallfurious:

haha okay yeah that is def. quirky...
I also have named my computer (Todd) and love him very much. And I havent named my new camera yet because nothing has STRUCK ME and also im giving up on photo. This whole attachment with objects that are not actually living thing is maybe GENETIC?! lol idk. I remember my mom bringing together a family meeting one time and being like "So, I do not care who broke my clothes iron...but from now on, nobody can use this new one without asking. Me and the only one had a connection. We loved eachother. And now I have to make a connection with this new iron and I do not want anything to happen to him!"

Haha uh yeeeeeaaaah. anyways.

im feeling alright because i think i cleared the air with somebody I wasnt too excited about clearing it with. (i am stubborn, didjyaknow?) but it is nice. im happy.

thee best friend (or, one of them..) is coming over soon. Which makes me HAPPY because she tends to help me fix things. we will swim because it is hot and it should be pure BRILLIANCE. :smallsmile:

Today should be nice. what more could i ask for from a day?? :smallamused:

[Jae]

Yesterday was nice. so was today.
I knew today would suck. or, i figured. But I didnt like this idea very much so i set myself up for a day that WOULDNT suck and..it didnt. it was pretty amazing.

I think I made an effort today to look nice. And I tried to spend awhile figuring out why and I think, honestly, its because I had..absolutely nobody to impress. There really wasnt anybody to look nice FOR, so I did. thats me. I wanted to prove to myself that idk..i could? or couldnt? but not on anybody elses terms. sometimes i wish i was a little less stubborn, sometimes it works for me.

And I got asked out on a date yeaaboiii. Idk that I WILL, lol, but its nice to be asked. I used to get that a lot and as of late notsomuch. so that was nice. hearing that you're pretty is nice. i feel really shallow. not something i want to be engulfed in but..for today? it was nice.

On another point, I was talking to some friends and they gave me....an entirely different perspective on a situation. Im not going to explain, but it cleared up a lot in my head.

&&edit, got a whole lot better.

[Cobra_Ikari]

Yesterday was nice. so was today.
I knew today would suck. or, i figured. But I didnt like this idea very much so i set myself up for a day that WOULDNT suck and..it didnt. it was pretty amazing.

I think I made an effort today to look nice. And I tried to spend awhile figuring out why and I think, honestly, its because I had..absolutely nobody to impress. There really wasnt anybody to look nice FOR, so I did. thats me. I wanted to prove to myself that idk..i could? or couldnt? but not on anybody elses terms. sometimes i wish i was a little less stubborn, sometimes it works for me.

And I got asked out on a date yeaaboiii. Idk that I WILL, lol, but its nice to be asked. I used to get that a lot and as of late notsomuch. so that was nice. hearing that you're pretty is nice. i feel really shallow. not something i want to be engulfed in but..for today? it was nice.

On another point, I was talking to some friends and they gave me....an entirely different perspective on a situation. Im not going to explain, but it cleared up a lot in my head.

...hey Jae, you wanna go out sometime? :smallredface:

*snuggles* :smallwink:

[Jae]

I am ridiculously paranoid. unrelated.

It sounds cliche, but I want nothing more than for it to be summer. I want to run and think of only running. I dont want expectations from parents or teachers or anybody. I'd like to engulf myself in only that which I want to. I am my best in the summer, I am most proud of me in the summer.

And I really want to just..idk be able to surround myself around people I KNOW care about me and dont dislike me or anything.
I want to see my friend from oregon, whom I only get to see a few weeks a year..all during the summer. I want to be with my friends who have already made plans to swim and hot tub constantly. I want lunch in fast food places that we can afford and then late evening track practices to burn it all off. I want to walk six miles to mcdonalds because thats how you cut runs in xc. I want the lake and my camera and not care WHO thinks Im horrid at it. I want inside jokes and purple slushies. I want the railroad tracks and tresspassing for the sake of beauty. I want thoughts deeper than that which currently consumes my mind. I want parties as much as I want to sit at the house of one of my best friends and do literally nothing at all. I just want LIFE in the way I cant get it feeling this..restricted. This is me, and regulations are the work of the devil.

I have a lot to look forward to. My friend in the army will be home in a week! next wed! I think that saturday we're going to have a movie party at another one of my good friends house. And like I said, my friend from Oregon will be down..in july, but still! We'll have an amazing few weeks.

Things are going to get amazing. And Ill leave this crap behind :smallamused:

[Quincunx]

This is the point in the thread where, if this were real life, everyone else would mysteriously scatter, with one or two of them dropping obnoxious hints about letting the happy couple spend time together.

Oh crud.

That's me.

Feel free to throw soft and/or padded things at my head for the next several days.

[Raider]

I'm stuck in the world of public education where every facet of my life is decided for me and I'm part of a generalized group with nothing making me unique in their eyes, all I am is grades to them and I can give that.

I have 3 final exams this week, a writing competition during the week which forces me to take 2 during one bell.

My friends don't really get me and adults consider me a smart mouthed nothing. I don't want their praise I'm tired of useless words!

Okay thanks, great thread by the way

[Mauve Shirt]

AAAAH I AM SUCH A BAD PERSON!
I totally didn't do the questions that I was supposed to do for homework! I did the reading, I forgot about the questions, THIS IS THE KIND OF THING THAT GOT ME HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!
Also, THE RAISINS SINK TO THE BOTTOM OF MY CEREAL BOWL SO I DON'T GET TO EAT THEM TILL THE CEREAL IS GONE!!!

[Serpentine]

Also, THE RAISINS SINK TO THE BOTTOM OF MY CEREAL BOWL SO I DON'T GET TO EAT THEM TILL THE CEREAL IS GONE!!!I always dig my sultanas out and eat them first to get them out of the way...

[Mauve Shirt]

Turns out the schmociology questions weren't turned in, and I wasn't the only one to not write them down. Today will be a good day.

[Aereshaa_the_2nd]

Yesterday my friends almost got killed. We were watching the "official" (as in done by my neighbors, professional SFX technicians) fireworks at my local park, for Victoria Day, 2008, when some teenage morons tarted launching their own fireworks while holding the tubes! :smalleek: Then they started firing the things at trees, the school, and at my neighbors who were doing their fireworks. :smallfurious: I shouted at the ####tards to stop, but they didn't, so I and my friends went home, and called the police.

Why do they let bastards like them purchase fireworks? They should need to have a license, if not permission from the fire department. Anyway, hopefully those guys were arrested and jailed, so they don't do it again.

[Jibar]

I totally didn't do the questions that I was supposed to do for homework! I did the reading, I forgot about the questions, THIS IS THE KIND OF THING THAT GOT ME HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!

I stopped doing work around Christmas time.
That could serve as my bit of rant actually.
Before Christmas, first half of the year, I did everything. I did all the homework, all the classwork, got all my coursework in on time (only person) and did all the extra work.
And I got nothing.
No recognition, no praise, not even a mark for my extra essays.
And then when I stopped, when I decided "Screw this" and just stopped working entirely and spent my time in lessons writing, nobody noticed. Nobody mentioned a new lack of homework, nobody noted a lack of work, nobody cared.
My friends are all amazed that I could get away with this, while I'm still pissed off that none of my teachers seem to care enough to even check their little list of Homeworks Handed In.

I miss my drama teacher. Now she did give me praise for getting my coursework in. And then she left to prague.
I liked her. :smallsigh:

[Trog]

You know what I am tired of? I am tired of when people talk down to one another on the internet. More specifically on this site. Even more specifically in the d20 forums. :smallsigh:

[Jae]

I'm stuck in the world of public education where every facet of my life is decided for me and I'm part of a generalized group with nothing making me unique in their eyes, all I am is grades to them
Story of my lifeee. So sick of school, so sick of being a statistic. Who cares, man? I dont know. I really hate that I cant follow regulations sometimes. I know it makes people hate me, but im not trying to do this rebel w/out a cause thing. I just..my head doesnt wrap around rules and stereotypes. Yeah, Im stubborn, and it's going to stop me from a lot of things. But at least I know Im living the life I want to?? ehh.

Likewise, I dont think I can say surrounding students "get me" very well. Some adults like me. haa adults are more interesting than people my age, who are extremely predictable. I like real conversations, and usually this is appreciated by most teachers and stuff. But I do have a strict policy of respect, give it to get it. And I do correct where needbe, I guess Im pretty cocky in that way. At least I have my facts straight.
I'd say that I cant wait till school is over, but thats so wrong. School is giving me time to mess around that I wont have later. I hate it, but Im not looking forward to my later life without it :smallconfused:


AAAAH I AM SUCH A BAD PERSON!
I totally didn't do the questions that I was supposed to do for homework! I did the reading, I forgot about the questions
Seriously this is the kind of freak-out that scares me so much about (dareisay?) society.

my own rant? :smallamused: always
Today was a great day. I got my favorite book from the library (i really should get my own copy of it..) and I can HONESTLY say...
everything I learned in my entire life I very well could've gotten from Alice in Wonderland. :smallbiggrin:

wow, that is actually all i have to say today. Nothing amazing really happened, but I liked the simplicity. definitely something to say about simple. I've got weekend plans to see somebody I really need to see, one week EXACTLY until my friend comes home for nine days! yep. life is grood.

oh and i think my day is going to get better! =] @ approx. 4 o clock
yeeeeeah

[Pyrian]

I wish there was an option that would let me read a given person's posts, but prevent me from ever making the mistake of responding to them.

[Lyesmith]

I have just been to see a great play (The Woman In Black)
And on the way back fro being picked up, my dad has a go at me for not taking French seriously "mneh mneh mneehh you need it for a good university no plymouth polytechnic" SHUT UP I DON'T CARE ABOUT A LANGAGE SPOKEN BY A PEOPLE WHO CANT TALK IT THEMSELVES RAAAAH of course i'd never say this to him because i love him and am being unreasonable, but really. i don't care about like, 3 of my GCSE's. I know i've failed. Also, THE WORLD SPEAKS ENGLISH.

(it may not, but UNREASONABLE ranting here. Also, as a Brit, <obligatory anti-french racism>)

*channels Grampa from Jackie Chan*
ONE MOOOORE THING!

Football.
It's pointless.
And it's just...ugh.:smallsigh:
"man he cried because he scoared a goal"
"How pathetic."
"dude his mum died of pneumonia and he dedicated the goal to her."
"..."

That was more or less a transcrpit of a conversation i had about some big game that happened tonight ad people were screeching like howler monkeys about.
I want a sterilisation gun.

[Mauve Shirt]

Seriously this is the kind of freak-out that scares me so much about (dareisay?) society.

I wasn't saying I'm a bad person because I didn't do that specific homework, but because I promised that I wouldn't fall back into my old habits of not doing the work until the morning it's due, habits that caused me to fail this class first semester. Breaking promises to myself is something I do all the time. Probably contributes to my constantly guilt-ridden life.

[Jae]

Guilt in general is pretty scary.

I feel genuinely sorry for the person "I will possess your heart" was written for.
creepiest.song.ever...

Sometimes I think games are funnest when you dont know how to play. In fact, I'm positive they are. I dont want to learn the rules to another game again.

There are some people I could probably stand to strangle as of right now. Understatement. But I wont because Im trying really, really, really hard to be in control of hot anger. UNDERSTATEMENT. But it doesnt seem as much a matter of "if" as "when."

Two songs cheered me up today. uno, wonderful tonight (dude idk it just seems like such a happy song! lol even if it has nothing to do with me at all atm) and Hallelujah for its pure brilliance in every aspect. Friggin brilliant lyrics.
Well, maybe theres a god above, but all i really ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who outdrew yaa.
yep. amazing.

lol literally i have nothing to even say. my life is getting boring, i fear. maybe im excited about it.

[Trog]

Why the **** am I still at ****ing work!!!! :smallfurious::smallfurious::smallfurious:

[Mauve Shirt]

Trog's rant wins the thread.

[SilentNight]

I want a sterilisation gun.

Properly used, that would solve almost all of the world's problems.:smallwink:

[Jae]

I have a lot of thoughts today, i apologize in advance.
And, please, feel free to converse with me on ANY of the following random events/thoughts/whatevskis =] Im truly missing genuine conversation, rambling about nothing and everything at the same time. maybe this will start off my random rant..
I miss long, drawn-out conversations that last until 2 in the morning. Where you are speaking the most sense in ridiculousness than you ever have in your entire life. Where you dont understand your own words but never understood another person better in your entire life. Ive had a lot of those conversations, they're always amazing. And you cant plan that kind of thing out, but ive never been happier than I have been with a sincere connection to another person. So much for being so independent, haha

I fell asleep afterschool. On the ground. I rather desperately wondered how pathetic I must look, but I was too tired to care. People have been telling me a lot lately that I "look so tired." the other night, my brother asked me, "Did you do something to your eyes?" my brother is a smart kid, so I was not looking forward to any explanation to this odd questions so I told him "Nothing is wrong with my eyes. Somebody told me today I had pretty eyes. they're blue and nice." and he said "No...it has nothing to do with color. They look bored, droopy, really tired. Kind of depressing." I dont wear my heart on my sleeve, but apparently I can wear them on my eyes.
the wierd thing? Im not sleeping less. if nothing, Im sleeping more. I feel like so much has been taken out of me, though. I feel like the world is asking me to give a little more and it doesnt quite realize that ive given it my all already. I sincerely, truly give up. I guess, in reality, Im glad that the only way you can see this is in my tired eyes. Im so much more than tired right now. but i dont even completely know it.

And that sounds wierd, I know. but I realize my words are full of this..futility. A futitility that im not feeling. I dont feel sad nor hopeless nor downtrodden. Truth be told? I feel fine. Empty, but fine. Im not on the verge of crashing, I wont break down just yet. But I know me, and this is a cycle. So dont sympathise with me just yet, Im not feeling it. It wont make sense to me. But Im willing to bet that my feelings will soon match my state of mind, it just takes my heart a little longer to catch up. And if im thinking this hopelessly, Ill crash. no doubt. its just not now. and for right now, im enjoying the security that comes so easily with apathy...

I really want to listen to someone. and by someone I actually mean anyone I know. I just miss when people thought I had a heart, you know? people used to come to me with their problems and for some kind of comfort and I never turned them away and idk somewhere down the line I because a cold hard bitch and Jet wrote a song about me. (actually that would be pretty cool because i always pictured the chick in that song as a major hottie.) I just miss that part of friendships. Too many friends have listened to my bs lately. I want to hear them!

Im always shocked when adults are so completely RIGHT about your life. I was talking to a teacher of mine today about me being angry and irritated at most people and he said "You know what?? You should be. People are self-centered, they are their main concern. You cant expect them to care about you, you just have to surround yourself with the people that do and know you care about them in return. Move on from people like that, it isnt about who you thought was best, it's about who proved it." and the irony here is that I didnt tell him much of anything too specific about my anger and his words actually make complete sense. It's good advice, and I knew it already but maybe I needed somebody to say it.

Speaking of saying things, a good friend/old flame said something to me that completely...ah! lol. thats all. just..ah! Ill explain in relationship woes, actually. funny that I now have a reason to go there when I didnt last night. life, life, life. twists twists twists. I think Im starting to like them more and more, though.

How Alice saved me today:
"'It was much pleasanter at home,' thought poor Alice, 'when one wasn't always growing larger and smaller and being ordered about by mice and rabbits.. I almost wish I hadn't gone down that rabbit-hole. And yet-and yet- it's rather curious, you know, this sort of life! I do wonder what can have happened to me! I used to read fairy tales, I fancied the kind of thing that never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one."

This week was a lot. Im really pretty glad for it.

[Cobra_Ikari]

I'd talk with you, Jae...but I feel like you don't want to talk with me. *shrugs*

[Jae]

It's not that as much as sometimes Im talking to a lot of people that I know irl. Im sorry, I know that is kind of offending and im not trying to be. It's just, there really is a difference between holding a conversation with somebody youve never seen before and people you talk to and look at everyday. I just like talking to the people I know sometimes. People im already comfortable with and can feel connected to. sorry!

[Cobra_Ikari]

It's not that as much as sometimes Im talking to a lot of people that I know irl. Im sorry, I know that is kind of offending and im not trying to be. It's just, there really is a difference between holding a conversation with somebody youve never seen before and people you talk to and look at everyday. I just like talking to the people I know sometimes. People im already comfortable with and can feel connected to. sorry!

'scool. *hugs*

...it'd be nice if you were like "Bug off, Mike, I'm busy!", though. I hate being ignored. :smallfrown:

[Jae]

Oh, I usually do say something like that. But, for the record, I never sign off AIM if i go to do something. So often I come back to 8 IMs and by that time its been too long to be like "im busy" haha. If Im around, I usually do say I dont have the time.
which, i havent lately. Busy week. or..interesting, I might say.

[Cobra_Ikari]

Oh, I usually do say something like that. But, for the record, I never sign off AIM. So often I come back to 8 IMs and by that time its been too long to be like "im busy" haha. If Im around, I usually do say I dont have the time.
which, i havent lately. Busy week. or..interesting, I might say.

Oh, ok, that makes sense. I was so sure I'd be able to provoke a response with mention of your real name, miss...*looks around mischievously, whispers in ear*...

And I'm really glad you've been so busy with RL friends. *snuggles*

[Jae]

Well, I dont know that Id say that. I havent been spending any more time with friends than usual..
More, its been busy with people who I wouldnt in a million years consider friends. Not really a good kind of busy, methinks. But not horrid. Learning.

[Cobra_Ikari]

Well, I dont know that Id say that. I havent been spending any more time with friends than usual..
More, its been busy with people who I wouldnt in a million years consider friends. Not really a good kind of busy, methinks. But not horrid. Learning.

Ooooooooh.

...well, I hope all your busy-ness becomes good. *nods*

[Jae]

Oh, it's going to. I said so.

Also, Ghandi was amazing but how he was amaizng i will srsly never understand. EVER.

[Jae]

hoookayso.
I havent actually ranted on here in awhile but now im in that mood where i just wanna..gah write down my every thought. so this might be extremely long, you're just going to have to deal. or not read it, thats a better option :smalltongue:
really, though..i just have way way too much running through my head. Fortunately for me though, it's all quite different from what ive been forced to concentrate on as of late...

about this year ending:
seems like i never really got outside myself until the end of this year, i dont know. it seems like ive changed a bit this year, but i could never explain how. i cannot honestly believe it's over, as cliche as that sounds..
i have a lot of friends im going to miss. seniors, i mean. I didnt realize I had made friends with so many seniors.. im going to dieee without some. it just wont be the same. My friend left back for texas today =/ i only got to see him a few days and i missed our annual&&EPIC movie nights. i mean, words could never describe kind of nights. and it feels like it was the last REAL one before some people are leaving and stuff =[ i dont get to see my friend for another six months now...ugh.....
EVERYTHING IS CHANGING! I hate change. i cant believe im halfway through highschool. i cant believe how upset i am over it. i cant believe im already making plans for my future. i cant believe how different they are from what i originally expected. not that i dont think things will work out for me..ill make them. but im going to miss people. never know what you had kind of thing. ughhhh.

about next year:
today was the day where we got to listen to all our next-year AP teachers and get our summer assignments.
i
want
to
kill
schoolwork.
I made a vow to myself that I will try GENUINELY next year. and it'll work out. ill do well because i can do well, or so ive kind of always believed. but the assignment we got for english seems overwhelming in length. It doesnt really seem hard, it seems like a lot of reflection and writing. i think the scary part is that..idk. people have always told me that i was good at both writing and reflecting and when those mix its good and whatnot. But what if im not, yknow? what if i write and i try and i still dont do well?? There will be no excuses, i'll be in my element, and ill still do horribly. I have a feeling english next year is just going to crush my spirit when i realize im not even close to good enough. =/ idk.
on that same subject, my AP US History teacher talked to us today. he made it a point to say that AP classes should be the "cream of the crop." The top ten percent of students. and all i can think is damnit damnit damnit that isnt me. i mean..idk. im average, maybe slightly above. but ive always had this imminent fear that im going to learn average is all i'll ever be. i know i havent tried grade-wise, so its hard to use that as a comparison (if i did, id prolly be far under average) but if you were to just TALK with those other students and then me Im afraid there might be an extreme difference. Maybe I have a harder time articulating or maybe my ideas are completely cliche and doomed to be unoriginal forever. maybe these are all irrelevant fears and im fine, maybe im not underneath anyone. but i have a feeling i really am.
I think Im cursed to know WHAT intelligence is, and never be able to imitate it. well, because it cant be imitated. you just have to have it. and the last thing i want to know is that i dont, and im average, and these classes are going to chew me up and spit me out.
Im taking (if i remember correctly and dont get kicked from any of these classes..) an AP english, history, science, and statistics class.
CHEWED UP
SPIT OUT.
:smallfrown:

those are pretty negative and fearful and paranoid and all that but MY FUTURE FEARS ASIDE, im in an amazing mood. for several several reason. butttt...
about this weekend:
besties house tommorow. chill and make dinner and eat dinner and it should be cool. and her boyfriend will be over so i get to have a talk with this kid! :smallamused: haha no but he seems very sweet and he just got back from another state where he was located for SIX MONTHS and my friend has missed him dearly. and another friend should be over and even though me and her arent uberly close, we have my best friend in common and shes always really fun to hang out with. so tommorow night should be great.

we dont know what we're doing yet but me and an amaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzziiiiiiinnnggggg person who makes me feel good regardless of the situation and surroundings have decided we're doing something. apparently, im to decide. we'll probably go out to eat and catch up and wander around town and do nothing in particular..and its probably what ive been the most excited for in awhileeee. just, yeah. words will never be able to describe, i dont know that there anybody in this moment id rather spend my saturday with :smallbiggrin::smallsmile::smallredface:

uhhmm i have a lot of options for sunday. i just havent decided yet. i may stay home and study for finals all day, which will be lame but i think after saturday ill be content to do absolutely nothing :smallbiggrin:

then i had some better thoughts i forgot about. oops.
i think youve all suffered through enough of my life, though :smallwink:

[Hoggy]

I just had a 3 hours English Lit. exam and it SUCKED.

[Jae]

omg haha okay so school was..whatevuh. afterschool we made dinner at my friends house and ate with her boyfriend and such and that was nice. joking around and laughing and meeting. and then me and my other friend went to this yearbook signing party and that was cool. we danced in the car and spun in the street (NOT in the car) haha. it was all fun and i have little to say when im happy (lol isnt that horrid?!) but omg.
yearbooks.
im usually not in any other pictures besides sports and my own school picture (Which turned out fine this year..although it helps that the chick next to me has bright red dragon eyebrows.....) my track and xc pics were lame but the teams so big you can barely see me anyways. but just to make sure i was not elsewhere i checked me in the index and i was on FOUR pages.
one, my pic. two, xc pic. three, track pic. 1+1+1=THREE and not FOUR so i was all wthwth i hate candid pics so i went to that page and i was like whattheheck im nowhere ON this page.
EXCEPT YES I HAD BECAUSE I HAD BEEN QUOTED AND GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

i mean, at the time, i mustve known that i was going to be quoted but i probably was tired or didnt think they'd use it..ahh idk! i sounded so dumb though. lol it was in the RELATIONSHIPS ON CAMPUS THINGY ARTICLE! and i was dating somebody at the time. aka, i was deluded.

haha actually i said, in simpler words because i talk hella hella complicated (how does anyone ever understand me?), relationships shouldnt be the most important thing in high school and friends&experiences should be. haha and i said that relationships dont distract me because im basically completely daydreamy anyways wteff! i am so lame. grrr @ being lame. i guess its pretty funny.

tommorow is going to be amazing yayyyy!!!

[Cobra_Ikari]

I feel so...

...replaceable?

...and angry.

...and...empty.

...

...I want it all to end...

[Mauve Shirt]

*sigh* I probably should stay for second semester. I don't WANT to. My parents are afraid that when I come home I'll never do anything but sit at the computer, but the thing is, that's all there is to do here! I go to class, I do my homework, I eat dinner and I compute! The only difference is at home I have no class, and here I have no privacy.
I do go to the gym almost daily. Something I guess I can't do at home.
It's not like there aren't people at home! Friends =/= Andrew Ballard! Many of them are employed, but they have days off, and there's more to do in HC on their day off than there is to do in Fburg in a weekend. Every weekend here is the same. In Fburg there's "reliable" transportation to Central Park, but that's it. Downtown is food and antique shopping. There's nothing to do here but schoolwork!
It shouldn't matter I suppose, since I spend most of my time on the computer either way. I just don't want to be here anymore! I want my own room, I want food that's not from Seaco or a microwave, I don't know, I'm just sick and tired of this place.
But apparently math classes are easier in the summer. >_< ARGH

Cobra: :smallfrown::smallfrown::smallfrown: *hug*

[Player_Zero]

So who's up for some asinine self-indulgence? Okay, good, because obtuse incipient inanity is what I do best. Also, using big words to make me sounds clever.

Either way, since noone actually reads the rantings of anyone else and merely waits and hopes on replies to their own rants due to self-absorption I guess it doesn't matter what I write, but anyway...

I don't really feel like doing anything anymore. I don't want to do things and I don't want to not do things. A state of ambivalence which I consider annoying without parallel.

[Nasrudith]

I know the feeling. I've felt in two flavors ennui and pessimism of diminishing returns of good but the bad still growing.

Not only are my grades still not in yet from my previous college that has all the efficiency of the DMV but the one I transferred to I found out recently requires a blood count and maybe a tuberculosis test if they don't pay too much attention to the fact that my previous college had different TB standards which meant so long as I'm not from a third world country or in a poor high density city I'm okay. And I'm a severe enough trypanophobic to not only manage to have panic attacks while under the influence of tranquilizers to the point where my walking gait grew shaky, as well as to seriously consider forgoing driving from the risk of implied consent laws WHEN I'M A TEEOTOTER! Damn it why the hell do they want my blood! What the hell does my blood count have to do with anything academic! I can't give anyone anemia unless without inflicting blood loss which anyone can do or give them a weakened immune system by having a low white count. Even if I had a low count they couldn't stop me from attending because of disability laws if I could only survive in a hyperoxygenated bubble so why the hell do they want to know! If there's a right to die why can't there be a right to live uninspected but healthy!

Everything medical in general pisses me off enough so that I don't want to have to deal with a biological body. Its definitively designed to not be easy or pleasant to repair, diagnose or maintain. I wish I was a robot then, at least then I'd be designed to not have any issues with maintenance and repair.

I'm going to be a commuter on top of it so they don't have legal accountability for illness crap as an excuse. As for tuberculous who the hell has it in a developed country that isn't locked away in a quarantine already! Its pretty hard to miss the whole coughing up blood thing. Seeing as I already have asthma I'd kind of know if I had it. Especially when I only technically need it for the spring semester onward so if I already had TB I'd have contaminated every department I've been in and made Typhoid Mary look like an amateur.

Is it too much to ask that they keep their regulations to where its actually relevant and not invade my life with this crap! If I didn't like the amenities of civilization so much I'd be in a log cabin in the wilderness withdrawn from society as I can't eliminate the problems, let alone fast enough that I don't have to suffer through it.

[Jae]

yeeeeah. im happy! and sad! :smallsmile: :smallfrown:

This week has been really good. Like, it's shorter days so Ive been able to go out to lunch the last few days with different friends which is greaat. Yesterday I went with a friend and her mom and we had a lovely conversation, and today I actually went with a few people only my sandwhich turned out dumb and i was being kind of dumb cuz im dumb hahaha. It was cool though. Totally worked things out with somebody who I was never really good friends with but yeah just some dumb drama and i think we kind of had a thing where i hated him or he hated me or we hated eachother but we didnt but we did and yeah haha I actually learned that I really like to work things out! grr relief!! && yeah. then me and two friends went back to "study." but we did not "study" we said "what are we going to study?" and did not actually get around to it. well. i guess we did after watching tv and then eating ice cream cake and then cleaning the kitchen. okay either way hanging around with friends is cool!!
and tomorrow me and thee bestie && another person im getting to know better are hanging out I think. which will be crazy great fun. because we wont have to worry about finals YESSS!!!
AND IM SO EXCITED FOR SUMMER ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY!!!! like hanging out with friends all the time sounds a-may-zinggg. so yay!

uhmmm. now the sad part =[
..the year is ending ahhh. and ive actually got a few senior friends this year. i mean, i have a lot of senior friends but ill only really miss a few. lol my overprotective seniors :smallsmile: gah like seriously! you have no idea how much im going to miss them!! what am i supposed to doooooo grrrrrr!
i mean, we'll hang out this summer but then they go off to college on the other side of the stateeee and thats far away!!!! ahhh. reallyreally sad. it sucksss to have somebody all involved in your life and then they have to go and its hard for them to stay involved! blah. ill deal but its still uberly depressing... lol i do this every year. i missed my seniors last year too =[ but only one *REALLY* left and we still talk just he can only visit every six months. and this last visit i only saw him twice! and obviously this is not enough!!

sooo basically this week is both amazing and depressing. and this summer will be just amazing. except for the ap hw assignments....
lol every silver lining has a cloud?? wait no. thats cynical. flip it :smallamused:

[Gem Flower]

I'm really pissed off at the teenagers in my neighborhood. I accidentally forgot my bag at my school's BBQ, and I came a lot later. My bag was looted! All my school stuff was there, but the lousy ****ers stole my money!

[Castaras]

I forgot to take my hayfever tablet. :smallsigh:

Arrgh. Feel craptastic.

Good enough to survive one more lesson however...

Also kinda worried about losing my friends...but that's a post for depression, some day or year, when I work out what I want to say.

[Sir_Norbert]

Two songs cheered me up today. uno, wonderful tonight (dude idk it just seems like such a happy song! lol even if it has nothing to do with me at all atm) and Hallelujah for its pure brilliance in every aspect. Friggin brilliant lyrics.
Well, maybe theres a god above, but all i really ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who outdrew yaa.
yep. amazing.
Anyone who appreciates the divine awesomeness that is Leonard Cohen and his greatest masterpiece is someone I want to get to know better.

[Jae]

Anyone who appreciates the divine awesomeness that is Leonard Cohen and his greatest masterpiece is someone I want to get to know better.
Do it!
Truth be told, I don't always listen to the original. Im rather fond of Jeff Buckleys cover...but the entire song is genius regardless.

lol now you've got me listening to it again. :smallsmile:
awwwww.

[potatocubed]

I have conjunctivitis and it's driving me up the £$%&ing wall.

Grr. :smallmad:

[Sir_Norbert]

Do it!
Truth be told, I don't always listen to the original. Im rather fond of Jeff Buckleys cover...but the entire song is genius regardless.

lol now you've got me listening to it again. :smallsmile:
awwwww.
OK, so I'll try to get to know you better. Where should I start? :)

Jeff Buckley -- I'm afraid I can never forgive him for the heinous sacrilege of omitting the last verse. What's interesting is that Cohen (as he did with many of his songs) wrote a huge number of verses, maybe over 50, I don't know exactly, and chose just four that would fit together well. Uniquely, with "Hallelujah" he made two different songs by choosing a different selection of verses -- but the last verse is the same in both. It's not a coincidence. In nearly all Cohen's songs, the last verse is the one that's the real point of the song, what it's all leading up to, the message that it exists for the sake of.

(Sorry -- I'm a real Cohen obsessive. Love talking about him whenever I get half a chance.)

[Jae]

Start wherever you so do please! :smallsmile: lol but actually im almost always signed on aim...
uhm likewise, im almost always physically away from my computer but i never put up an away message. especially summer days, im almost never home anymore and when I am I usually want to spend time with my family. So yeah, but catch me when ya can?? :smalltongue:

I do have to agree on the last verse, and that him writing a bajillion different verses is pure brilliance. His lyrics really are amazing, and I dont know when else Ive seen a heartbreak be put in such an original and poetic light.
Which is the problem with majority of hallelujah covers.

[Sir_Norbert]

OK.... like I said in the other topic, I'm going to be away for a week, but I'll look you up as soon as I'm back!

[SoD]

I hate flight details. Simple as that. I get up a 0500 to be at the airport in time for a 0835 flight. My flying to Thailand should've looked like this: Helsinki-Arlanda-Kuala Lumpar-Bangkok. That's three flights, a Helsinki-Arlanda, an Arlanda-KL and a KL-Bangkok. At least that's what my itinery said. What was it actually? a Helsinki-Arlanda, an Amsterdam-KL and a KL-Bangkok. And when do I find this out? ONE AND A HALF HOURS BEFORE THE FIRST FRIGGIN' FLIGHT! It's too damn late to cancel the first flight, and I can't cancel the last, and, although I've been booked on a single flight Helsinki-Bangkok return (I'm not returning...yet they give me a return ticket. Go figure.) and it gives me an extra day in Finland (where I've speant a year), it means I've forked out the extra money for this flight, and I have one day less in Thailand (where I get to spend a week). Not to mention having to contact the exchange program, my host parents having to work everything out due to language problems on my part, contacting my blood family who are on holiday in China, the leader of STS Finland, who is on holiday in Paris, trying to get in contact with the guy who's meant to be looking after me in Thailand. Fortunatly, I didn't need to contact meAll this on 2.5 hours sleep and three cups of coffee. It's now 1440, and I just ate. The last time I at was about 22 hours ago. If I could only get my hands on the people at Terra Australis who screwed up in the first place...

[Jae]

ive been thinking..

I crossed a line, somewhere recently. I think it defined something important about me and i didnt really even think twice. Everything I used to admire I traded in for a weaker model.

There was this strength and this depth and I used to love my thoughts and I used to love that I was uncontrollable. More than uncontrollable, undefineable..even untouchable. And at any other time I'd feel cocky in saying all that..or, no. I wouldnt feel cocky back then because I was always damn arrogant. And I can only say it now because it's what I used to think.

It all seems like such a safe way to live..but if I was unhappy, I didnt know it. If I was sheltered, I had no clue. And I even stepped outside of myself on the important things-and the less important things, for that matter. I was less paranoid than I am now, less defensive, less irritating. And I LIKED me, is the important bit.. I was confident and nothing else mattered so why would I throw any of that away??

Approval. Approval that Im still craving because once you get a taste, it's impossible to not want more and even more impossible to not desperately fear losing it all. I was always paranoid, but in a different sense. I always had my doubts, but they were in small doses.

Ive always loved mirrors. Ever since I was little. And it's probably wierd, Im very odd, but I used to stare at myself until I didnt think the person I was looking at could possibly be me. I never thought that my thoughts and my personality at all matched with the way I look...haha and yes thats wierd and it would seem like a discomfort but it never was. I always thought if I felt I matched my face and tiny self, I was probably finally as fragile as I look.
As of right now, I never felt that I more matched my reflection. That is probably my biggest discomfort.

Im extremely happy with my life. In fact, I havent been this happy or this comfortable since I was a kid and playground days were never designated. I am complacent with everything that exists around me...
but I could stand to be happier with myself.

And I have to wonder if I could go back. If I could never change to fit what I thought other people would love. I could be this uncontrollable, strong person that could stand up for everything she believes with conviction and apathy could only exist in the area of what people think. If I could stop wondering who might be ignoring me and who Im annoying to and just exactly who REALLY likes me enough to become the person Ive strived my entire life to be.

I am weak, I give in to whatever anybody asks. I apologize even when somebody wont give my side a second look. I become needy whenever I think somebodys walking away. I'm stupid, I can no longer think any deeper than the surface. I read something and cant see where the line is drawn. I dont even think about the world around me anymore. And now IM the sensitive one in everything who gets too easily hurt, whereas I used to be the person who insulted people constantly due to a lack of sensitivity. (I just never could get why people cared so deeply for what seemed to matter so little in a general sense..?)

And I truly am happy, but I'm also truly done.

Im not going to be who ive been for any longer than it takes to change it. Im not going to care when somebody blatantly ignores me, I dont think Id like to talk to anybody who isnt interested in talking to me. I wont crave approval, at all. I wont think about everything superficial in the world before I think about all that really matters. I think I can be happy and like me all at the same time. And, if I cant, I know my first choice.

[Phae Nymna]

I bought a pair of emo/scene looking Nike skate sneakers yesterday because my brother was paying (and not with his money I might add!) and wouldn't let me get shoes that I wanted. Even though... It. Was. My. Choice. I hate them, but I can't return them now. :smallfurious: And this was ALL because he wouldn't let me buy a pair of Puma's when he was NOT using his money. GRAAHHHHHH!!!! :smallannoyed: I want those Puma's. :smallfrown:

[Serpentine]

Why is it that every time I pour my heart out to someone, vent a whole lot of stuff, they always latch onto one of the least important points, one of the things I least wanted to talk about? :smallsigh:

[FdL]

My rant today is short:

I can't help to feel indignated when I realise that more people know Buckley's version of "Hallelujah" than they know it's a Leonard Cohen song at all, let alone who he is and his works...

*walks away mumbling about the state of the world*

[Castaras]

*hiss* I hate that damned proxy message telling me that I've exceeded some weighted phrase limit.

What the Hell is a Weighted Phrase Limit anyway? All it's doing is not only blocking stuff I shouldn't be on(which weighted phrase limit doesn't block very well at all - aka, I'm on Giantitp + a few other forums I frequent), but blocking loads of the info I need for schoolwork and coursework. :smallfurious:

[Darius Midnite]

I'm off to a great music festival which goes by the name of Roskilde festival. It's gonna be the time of my life. Packed up loads of alcohol, and a spare liver in case mine can't take the pressure. So good times ahead. :smallbiggrin:

[Serpentine]

My rant today is short:

I can't help to feel indignated when I realise that more people know Buckley's version of "Hallelujah" than they know it's a Leonard Cohen song at all, let alone who he is and his works...

*walks away mumbling about the state of the world*I know who Leonard Cohen is. It's my mum's Suicide Music. She's only allowed to play it when her husband's not home, and he always comes in on this one song that has this long, broken, despairing wail.
Did he do Mellow Yellow, or was that just another album she always played in the same lot?

[Kyrian]

I HATE one of my supervisors at Wal-Mart.

So today, at noon (2 hours after I clocked in, means I get my break), I was on my break. I'd bought a small piece of cake and was eating it in the Subway we have in our store. Well, the supervisor in question is there at the next table over. And she's constantly giving me dirty looks as if I'm not allowed to be on break at the moment and as if I'm the laziest person in the store.

Well, Eguardo(possibly misspelled), who DOESN'T do anything but take breaks the moment more cart pushers are outside (seriously, this dude took at least five breaks between 10 and noon today), comes into Subway and TALKS to the guy behind the counter. For a good five minutes. Does the supervisor say anything? Of course not, this B**** thinks so damn highly of this guy.

But she'll gladly crawl up my ass and get on my case if I so much as enter the store for five seconds. Forgive me, I'm only pushing 10+ carts at a time in 80+ degrees of weather. For about eight hours a day.[/sarcasm]

[Jae]

Welcome to the high cost of a low price (http://youtube.com/watch?v=PULFg7erYGI)

In this space I actually wrote out a ridiculously long rant about everything thats bothering me, things I wouldnt want any random person to know, and it didnt help because all I can think is that Im only writing on here because nobody would ever actually want to listen to me irl.
and i think i lied when i said i wasnt going to be so pathetic anymore.

[randman22222]

Welcome to the high cost of a low price (http://youtube.com/watch?v=PULFg7erYGI)

In this space I actually wrote out a ridiculously long rant about everything thats bothering me, things I wouldnt want any random person to know, and it didnt help because all I can think is that Im only writing on here because nobody would ever actually want to listen to me irl.
and i think i lied when i said i wasnt going to be so pathetic anymore.

Hey, I listen to anyone, and everyone, no matter what. I happen to know that IRL, people don't like hearing me whine, though, so I don't. Whatever the rant is, just go ahead and rant.

In other news: I HATE HOW FAST BEARDS EFFING GROW! :smallfurious:

[Mauve Shirt]

Welcome to the high cost of a low price (http://youtube.com/watch?v=PULFg7erYGI)

In this space I actually wrote out a ridiculously long rant about everything thats bothering me, things I wouldnt want any random person to know, and it didnt help because all I can think is that Im only writing on here because nobody would ever actually want to listen to me irl.
and i think i lied when i said i wasnt going to be so pathetic anymore.

We all listen hon! This thread is called unreasonable ranting, you're allowed to use it for all your ranting needs! I certainly do. Half of the whining I do here I would not allow myself to do IRL, what with whining being annoying and all.

[Dallas-Dakota]

I HATE one of my supervisors at Wal-Mart.

So today, at noon (2 hours after I clocked in, means I get my break), I was on my break. I'd bought a small piece of cake and was eating it in the Subway we have in our store. Well, the supervisor in question is there at the next table over. And she's constantly giving me dirty looks as if I'm not allowed to be on break at the moment and as if I'm the laziest person in the store.

Well, Eguardo(possibly misspelled), who DOESN'T do anything but take breaks the moment more cart pushers are outside (seriously, this dude took at least five breaks between 10 and noon today), comes into Subway and TALKS to the guy behind the counter. For a good five minutes. Does the supervisor say anything? Of course not, this B**** thinks so damn highly of this guy.

But she'll gladly crawl up my ass and get on my case if I so much as enter the store for five seconds. Forgive me, I'm only pushing 10+ carts at a time in 80+ degrees of weather. For about eight hours a day.[/sarcasm]
Welcome to the mystery that women are and how frustrating they are.
That is ofcourse, not the females who post on gitp.

[randman22222]

Welcome to the mystery that women are and how frustrating they are.
That is ofcourse, not the females who post on gitp.

*My jaw drops from my incredulous thoughts.*

Wait, so he mentions the director from hell, and you notice that it's a she, and then automatically associate all these 'frustrating' aspects with women?

BS alert has gone off.

That's utterly ridiculous, and I would say more, but it's too late for me to think straight.

EDIT: This is why it's called unreasonable ranting.

[Dallas-Dakota]

True. That post just was actually a mini-rant with how frustrated I was with the love of my life.

[randman22222]

Fair enough... Just don't extend one person's actions to a whole half of the Earth's population. :smallwink:

[CurlyKitGirl]

Beware the all-encompassing rant that follows.

Dogs. Let's talk about dogs. I don't hate them, hell, we have two at home. Probably eight and probably five years old; both collies of some sort and both black.
Our house comprises of three floors, the middle floor having a very narrow corridor and currently has half the majority of its width taken up by a bookcase. And the lighht is almost never used. The girl's bedroom being the attic means it has its own, very narrow and very dark (even with the light on in the room) bottom of the staircase so you open from drakness into blac.
Moreso than normal because of our very dark blue carpet. At one of of middle floor corridor is my parent's room. My door opens no more than three feet away. The dogs like to sleep in front of the parents door. And as such, are now invisible to all human sight.
Especially as across the corridor (all two feet of it) is Littlest Brother's room. Also lightless. so four times out of five I step on a dog. Who will then yelp, bark, scarth or nip me. And ruin my stealthy escapes. If they aren't there they'll be perched on the big step at the top of the staircase from middle to bottom floor. And nearly every single night there'll be one of the big step and one outside my door.
Which not only pees me off, but endangers everyone because the dogs are invisble and have something like forthy pointy, blood-drawing implements apiece.
And you know what else? Generally the reason why I'm sneaking downstairs is because the shows I actually enjoy watching, mainly on Dave and almost always comedy shows are on so fleepin' late. And you know what the main show is for night TV again? Big Brother. I won't even start on the morbid stupidity and worthlessness of the entire concept which surrounds this vapidity as I'd break the word limit for a post so let's move swiftly on. And if it isn't that show it's a fleepin' soap opera. The likes of whose plot has not only spiraled beyond any possible similarity to real life and involves some of the most jadedly carboard non-actors-posing-as-actors that have ever strolled the world outside of a school producion. At least in school productions they actually put effort into acting.
That or some depressing documentary is on. And I don't know about you, but TV is for relaxing and I'd rather not come home tired and or stressed from being away from home and my books for eleven hours a day just to hear how the economy's gone to hell in a fecal bucket or how Ruined My Life or similar. I want to have fun, but intellectually. Or how about you know, have fun while experiencing originality? I mean, no wonder I've turned to the internet. It's where all the good shows seem to be now.
Can TV possibly be becoming outmoded by teh majik of teh interwebs? I hope not. But it seems so bloody likely. I can't even find or watch half the films I want to anywhere but the internet and don't you dre tell me that Stardust is too obscure to be shown that often. Or Land before Time. Or pretty much three-quarters of what I want ot watch.
And if what I want to watch is on TV tey'll naturally manage to schedule boths shows [I]to be on at the same time and not repeat the show later on in the week as some channels do.
And another thing! Are actual children's TV presenter becoming a myth or what? I like watching CBBC for some of the cartoons, but by Io, Thor and Sekmet the presenters areso hammy they even shame BRIAN BLESSED in all his hammy glory. And they're wooden, overexaggerated and are so damn apathetic it's almost put me off watching my beloved cartoons which I can't find anywhere else on TV. If you can see the presenters. It seems like most the time they rely on stock voiceover footage of some lame arse, lazy twit or some stupid piece of 'really cool' animation while they switch from show to show. PUT SOME EFFORT IN BEFORE YOU BLIGHT HUMANITY!
They're putting me off my cartoon source.
I mean, Channel Two doesn't even show Danger Mouse any more!! And I love that show. And they took away Thunderbirds, Captain Scarlet, (the good one with the puppets. Don't you dare try to tell me they made a CGI version of it because it didn't exist) Stingray, The Munsters, Top Cat, even those really surreal teachy, but cool shows like El Nombre (writing numbers in the desert sand El Nombreeeeee) and the one where it's a cross between the Court of Cards in Alice in Wonderland and learning about math. Instead it's all these ridiculous little cartoons noone actually likes. At least back in the 60-80s they knew how to make good cartoons and kids shows. I know for a fact that every one of my real life friends loved those days off school when they were ill and could watch the transition from CBBC on Channel Two into those old cartoons that everyone knows were there for the adults to watch (and no wonder; they were amazing!) and some kids were even 'ill' on purpose to watch them Hell, I was one of them.
Who didn't love that Top Cat nearly always got away with things, or that the Thunderbirds were almost always in actual physical (puppet) danger every episode. That was before PC became law.
Why couldn't they just reruns those shows? Hmm? We've been subjected to the terror that wasn't CGI Captain Scarlet (because it never existed); I'm just surprised they haven't done the same thing the Thunderbirds - oh wait, they did.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HOLLYWOOD!?! They screwed with one of the best shows of all time. Set it in America (admittedly, the puppets were voiced by Americans and barely anyone in America knew it was from Britain even though it was explicitly stated so in the credits), made one of the 'main children members' wear lipstick and perverted the entire franchise. The Thunderbirds DON'T HAVE KIDS FOR A REASON. It sucks big time. And why the hell have so many aesops in there and then mix it with mystical magical mind control eyes. And then terminate it in such a way asto remove any wish to see the real Thunderbirds from anyone who hadn't already seen it.
This is just like how the British accent is always belonging to the Big Bad. Unless of course, the book/show/script was written by a British person or stars wholly British people or involves it being set in Britain.
Naturally, this's being overturned by the sheer awesomeness of British acting and I know of American actors who're famous for acting with British accents but still. Use. Your. Own. Acc - wait. I can't stand the American accent. It's so whiny. I frequent this site where you get popups from local American newstaiona and they're embedded into the webpage itself so you have to find them and mute them/pause them and By Io the accents grate across my ears in a way that makes me cringe. I can stand softer accents but what is it with that accent?! Is it deliberately crafted to annoy people as much as possible? Now, I know for a fact that all America doesn't have the same harsh, torturous accent so why don't they put the nicer sounding ones on TV?
And there's another thing too! America. Remakes. Shows. From. Britain. Spoken in English. And dubs English English with American English. Or even subtitle it! IT'S THE SAME LANGUAGE PEOPLE AND NOT ALL OUR ACCENTS ARE THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND! And why do you rewrite shows? Isn't the humour crossing the Atlantic? Is it too subtle or wierd? Why did you remake The Office? With entirely different actors. And script. And concept. Why not just air the episodes from here over there?
I've no doubt we do the same. But not on that size. I wouln't be surprised at all to hear that some moronic uber-corp fromAmerica rewrites all Dr. Who episodes to set them IN AMERICA! with American plots and actors and rewrrites it in such a way that entirely bowdlerises the show and means it's only similar to the original in name only.
America subtitles shows fromEngland and acte in English. I really can't get over that fact. America is far larger than the UK. You therefore, have more accent and dialogue variation than over here so why. Just why subtitle or redub from ENglish English.
And one more thing. American English is not a real language. Computers do not need an English (UK) and an English (US) language setting. Just use English English. Oh how I hate having to define English like that.
And now there's a freakin' huuuge moth in my room buzing around my light and I have a cold with one runny nostril/blocked nostril and it's annoying the heck out of me and I need to rant some more but I think this solid block of tect's enough and my cold is distracting me, same with the moth and my mind's running all over the place.

[Jae]

Hey, I listen to anyone, and everyone, no matter what. I happen to know that IRL, people don't like hearing me whine, though, so I don't. Whatever the rant is, just go ahead and rant.
I think you said it better than I could...


We all listen hon! This thread is called unreasonable ranting, you're allowed to use it for all your ranting needs! I certainly do. Half of the whining I do here I would not allow myself to do IRL, what with whining being annoying and all.
Yes but it's called the unreasonable ranting thread because, well, that's what I titled it. And I'm probably the one person I SHOULDNT rely on, as of late.

Respectively, I don't want to rant about what Im thinking about not only because I don't want the world to know what are probably the worst parts of me, but because it wouldn't help to type out all my problems to a computer screen. When it all comes down to it, the only thing that is going to help is somebody I actually KNOW caring. Not that theres anything wrong with online, I guess I just kind of want the reassurance you cant get with somebdoy you dont really know. And you cant comfortably hug a computer screen. haha so i guess thats my whiney, pathetic, mini-rant.

really, really pathetic.

[randman22222]

I think you said it better than I could...


Yes but it's called the unreasonable ranting thread because, well, that's what I titled it. And I'm probably the one person I SHOULDNT rely on, as of late.

Respectively, I don't want to rant about what Im thinking about not only because I don't want the world to know what are probably the worst parts of me, but because it wouldn't help to type out all my problems to a computer screen. When it all comes down to it, the only thing that is going to help is somebody I actually KNOW caring. Not that theres anything wrong with online, I guess I just kind of want the reassurance you cant get with somebdoy you dont really know. And you cant comfortably hug a computer screen. haha so i guess thats my whiney, pathetic, mini-rant.

really, really pathetic.

Well, write it down somewhere. It helps.

[Kyrian]

:furious::furious::furious:

GRRRRR!!!!

I've spent a week looking for this damn song and it's proven to be IMPOSSIBLE to track down.

"Dim Memory" by Soul Circle.

I KNOW it exists, it is in the movie, Eight Legged Freaks. Listed there in the credits. But it's impossible to find anywhere. And the movie doesn't even have the full song. This is really pissing me off at the moment.

If anyone manages to find it, PLEASE let me know.

[Jae]

I love my life right now.

First day of school today, which i expected to be horrid and irritating. For the most part, it wasn't. Don't get me wrong...i think I got into more than I should've. I shouldn't have taken all these AP classes, I don't know when Im going to actually remember my lack of intelligence when I sign up for next years classes..but I haven't yet. Photo is both my easy A and first period, so it'll be nice to wake up to simplicity. Honestly, though, I can't help be intimidated by the fact that theres so much equipment im unfamiliar with...particularly film/dark room type stuff. All the proff. lighting my school has, I've used in shoots. Not WELL, but at least Im familiar with it and not like..scared haha. I'm terrified this class will make me realize what I do not care to realize.

I have at least one person in every class that Im good friends with, usually more than that though. I actually prefer to have a few in each class..this way, I have to decide between people and that makes me feel like a jerk. eh. Good thing is basically all my friends have my lunch. Literally, there are only a few with the other. majorrrr relief! And for the first time in awhile I do not feel disliked or anything. well, i mean, of course I am. there are always people who arent fans of me. But they back off and when Im around, they leave. which is cool 'cause Im sure not going to leave for them lol. I actually decided I dont mind people who dislike me to be around, it kind of makes things interesting. another relief. and while i usually get bored of having nobody new around, I think somebody has interested me. not in like a...well, idk what kind of way. but its not to be interested in somebody, conversations are better that way. looking forward to see how that turns out.

already making plans with friends, cant wait to get into this year! sounds really lame but its true, i just want to get into a routine. wow thats wierd for me to say, i hate routine. but i think this might end up a good routine. and i think this might end up a good year. just ahhh im excited! its ridiculous haha.

but i think things are gonna change, or are changing, and that seems kind of amazing. idc if im lame :smallbiggrin:

[Mauve Shirt]

I know how you feel Jae :smallbiggrin: I hate routines, but new classes and new plans make me feel like I'm doing something better than what I was doing, and that everything will be good. I hope this year's new classes high lasts for you.

[Jae]

okay dont read this. and if you do, dont say anything about it. seriously. i just want to type out all my unreasonable feelings without feeling completely judged or bothering any of my friends.

I honestly like..cant even stand me right now. and idk why. and i honestly have no reason to. but im disgusted at the thought of...me.

Im way too thin. Im ridiculously, underweight, creepy thin and i cant stand to see me in pictures or anything looking so thin. its disgusting. but not as disgusting as how I feel I look as a whole on a daily basis. just..i dont even want to see me anymore. and no, i dont want to be told that this isnt true. im not searching for compliments it just makes me feel stupid and desperate. obviously other people dont see what I see, but it's what I see that matters. I just really would like it if somebody was upfront with me..just like..you're disgusting and ugly and I cant even stand to look at you while I talk to you. its horrible, im horrible.

but the horror of my appearance is nothing to that of my personality. Im so selfish, self-absorbed, unreasonable. I take but i never really give back. when have i ever done something for anybody beyond myself?? Im so cold, so ruthless, so insensitive. I cant even REACT to people being emotional im just completely clueless. I dont even feel like I can be emotional half the time. right now I feel sick to my stomache with utter disgust and i'd like to cry but really i cant. literally cant. so when other people do or are i just..dont get it. and i dont like to be touched or talked to out of my regular routine or give anybody a chance because im really sick of being close to people and then feeling like it was not only a waste of my time but a major blow the pride. so i blow off anybody who couldve actually been my friend, and then complain how I dont have anybody close to me. but i MADE IT THAT WAY. that was my choice. i need to stop being so damn whiney. and i know im whining right now but im hoping nobody will actually READ this

but if you are, I know how it works on here. do not tell me that i am pretty or that i am a decent person or that I have nothing to be disgusted by. but most of all, please dont go out of your way to say that I have everything going for me. you have no idea of what I have going for me. and im not this pretty, intelligent girl that i seem to be made out to be. and i dont even know where people freaking get that from! and im not asking. im just sick of it and sick of hearing it and sick of how i think of myself and sick of myself in general. im just..done.

[Cobra_Ikari]

*hugs Jae*...I won't say what I think, then, because you already know it. I'm always here for you, though, if you need me.

[FdL]

I know who Leonard Cohen is. It's my mum's Suicide Music. She's only allowed to play it when her husband's not home, and he always comes in on this one song that has this long, broken, despairing wail.

Well, I think the term "Suicide Music" is highly pejorative. Even though it's not necessarily depressing, I guess it's not for everybody, but then again, there's as many musical moods as people in the world. I like to listen to all different kinds of moods in my music.

In any case, you don't have to like it, just do know that he's a relevant artist in this century's music and poetry. One that it's worth knowing.



Did he do Mellow Yellow, or was that just another album she always played in the same lot?

I think that's Donovan.

[randman22222]

okay dont read this. and if you do, dont say anything about it. seriously. i just want to type out all my unreasonable feelings without feeling completely judged or bothering any of my friends.

I honestly like..cant even stand me right now. and idk why. and i honestly have no reason to. but im disgusted at the thought of...me.

Im way too thin. Im ridiculously, underweight, creepy thin and i cant stand to see me in pictures or anything looking so thin. its disgusting. but not as disgusting as how I feel I look as a whole on a daily basis. just..i dont even want to see me anymore. and no, i dont want to be told that this isnt true. im not searching for compliments it just makes me feel stupid and desperate. obviously other people dont see what I see, but it's what I see that matters. I just really would like it if somebody was upfront with me..just like..you're disgusting and ugly and I cant even stand to look at you while I talk to you. its horrible, im horrible.

but the horror of my appearance is nothing to that of my personality. Im so selfish, self-absorbed, unreasonable. I take but i never really give back. when have i ever done something for anybody beyond myself?? Im so cold, so ruthless, so insensitive. I cant even REACT to people being emotional im just completely clueless. I dont even feel like I can be emotional half the time. right now I feel sick to my stomache with utter disgust and i'd like to cry but really i cant. literally cant. so when other people do or are i just..dont get it. and i dont like to be touched or talked to out of my regular routine or give anybody a chance because im really sick of being close to people and then feeling like it was not only a waste of my time but a major blow the pride. so i blow off anybody who couldve actually been my friend, and then complain how I dont have anybody close to me. but i MADE IT THAT WAY. that was my choice. i need to stop being so damn whiney. and i know im whining right now but im hoping nobody will actually READ this

but if you are, I know how it works on here. do not tell me that i am pretty or that i am a decent person or that I have nothing to be disgusted by. but most of all, please dont go out of your way to say that I have everything going for me. you have no idea of what I have going for me. and im not this pretty, intelligent girl that i seem to be made out to be. and i dont even know where people freaking get that from! and im not asking. im just sick of it and sick of hearing it and sick of how i think of myself and sick of myself in general. im just..done.

Thin, underweight, ugly, check here. Self-absorbed, another check here. And I have had several times when I question if my friends are really my friends. I always feel so superior to them, and really frown upon a lot they do. And I do the same things. Err... Getting on track here.

I just accept myself as far as appearance goes. People SHOULD NOT judge on appearance. Ever. If they do, then they're stupid. (Or so I tell myself. Whatever. It works.) And so the only appearance management I do is making sure I'm at least healthy. For my own good. And some half-assed attempt at making my hair look good, for some random cosmic reason...

Oh, and emotion is typically overrated. Sure, you can't live without, and absence of emotion is wrong, but... Don't worry too much about emotionally affected or not. Just stop to think...

Wow, that was rambling. And I doubt it'll do anything to help. But... Huh. I had a fairly big depressive episode a few months back. (Not like manic depressive episode, just... depressed.) It went away. Somehow. I think what helped is that I decided humanity sucked, and that I'd hate myself more if I didn't do a damn thing to help out. Which, admittedly, I'm still not really doing (helping.) So I decided to take up saving the world. And going half-crazy.

Wow. Rambly. Don't think it'll help, but I hope it does...

[FdL]

but if you are, I know how it works on here. do not tell me that i am pretty or that i am a decent person or that I have nothing to be disgusted by. but most of all, please dont go out of your way to say that I have everything going for me. you have no idea of what I have going for me. and im not this pretty, intelligent girl that i seem to be made out to be. and i dont even know where people freaking get that from! and im not asking. im just sick of it and sick of hearing it and sick of how i think of myself and sick of myself in general. im just..done.

What do you want us to tell you, Jae? That it's true? That all your insecurities and fears are true, that you actually are ugly or something? Well, I'm not gonna do that, but sounds like you're not willing to hear what I have to tell you.

After all, I barely know you.

In any case, I really hope you feel better about this and snap out of it *hugs*

[Jae]

Technically I didnt really want you to tell me anything, since I stated pretty clearly

dont say anything about it. seriously.
but w/e.

Im feeling pretty flipping good, or I'm feeling ridiculously bad. I haven't decided that yet.

I have decided, though, that I'd quote an unreasonably irritating Relient K in saying who I am hates who I've been. There have been a few times lately that people keep repeating to me how they admire my strength/bravery/ability to state opinions in confidence. Lately, though, I've felt pretty weak with fear completely running my life, and i mumble. In CLASS. even when I know answers, I whisper them. and today I think I mustve turned nearly red when my history teacher pointed out my "extra effort." (interesting story in itself, considering I dont know that ive been publicly acknowledge as a decent student since jr high...)

So, not that I can suddenly choose to be less insecure or paranoid or fearful, but I can certainly choose not to be so vocal about it. I dont need to complain about it. More importantly, I dont think I need to have anybody to confide in. Im making a concious choice not to rely on people, not to go to anybody when im feeling particularly down, and not to expect too much of them. This shouldnt be too extremely hard, I used to live soley on my independence. and, eventually, ill get sick enough of my own problems to get rid of them. but i dont need anyone to help me with that, especially since people i did kinda rely on seem slowly disinterested. which isnt a complaint as much as a fact. so this'll be good for some of my friends, too. def wont have to worry about me talking too much or being particularly clingy.

and i can engulf myself in school, activities, running, and volunteer work.
im excited.

[Gaelbert]

NHS advisor chewed me out today because I was going to leave the meeting early, after picking everything up, to go to soccer conditioning. He basically told me that NHS is more important than soccer. I walked out on him. He has this thing called AAA. Attitude first, then academics, then sports. And he brought it up to me today. I didn't respond, because I left, but if I did, it would have been something to this effect: "NHS. Extracurricular. Let's see... nope, sounds like it's after athletics on the list."
Good thing I didn't because I have his class and he's already grading tough on me.

[sktarq]

NHS advisor chewed me out today because I was going to leave the meeting early, ....I have his class and he's already grading tough on me.

National Health Service?

you lost me....

Attitude, Academics, Athletics I think I get but NHS no.

[Gaelbert]

National Honor Society. Basically college application padding.

[zeratul]

Gah

I need something interesting to happen. All I've been doing is working out, using the computer, and watching Tv. I'm pissed because the rest of my band isn't here so I'm not feeling motivated to write new guitar riffs since they aren't here to write drum and lead guitar stuff :smallyuk:. In general I just feel like I'm wasting my time and that I should be doing something artistic again with music or getting in touch with nature or something. Just general annoyance at blandness here.

[Lerky]

I know how you feel zeratul. I alway felt like I should be out there doing something. I'd recomended going out on the town look around meet new people, learn new stuff. The world if your oyster and you can take advantage of it if you try:smallbiggrin:

[Cult_of_the_Raven]

may I join?

keeping it short to start - I also know how you feel, zeratul - I did absolutely nothing all summer, and I feel like I've been wasting my life/time doing nothing.
I should have been learning or crafting or something - anything, but it was so hot, and I kept making excuses. Now I feel like I won't be good enough for when classes start at college.

the other thing I have an issue with is that I'm continually frustrated in my current long-term relationship. we never get to see each other, and I miss him so much, all the time. but when I do get to see him, I get so nervous that I never do what I really want to. plus, both our parents are very strict and keep our schedules full, so we never get to make any plans without them falling completely apart. I really want to spend more time with him.

I'm wasting away here stuck at home, vegging in front of the constant barrage of tv/internet garbage. no creativity, no learning, no romance, no nothing. I should have at least read a book or two, but I didn't even do that, I was too danged lazy.

[Jae]

zer ive discovered a cure for this very such thing!!
okay i lied. but i really did figure out something that works for me
when i get bored with my life, which happens a lot because i flipping hate routine, i've decided to just add something totally new that ive never done before and that im probably very bad at but can improve upon!! Or, I make an effort to have regular conversations with somebody ive never really talked to before. that way, conversations with somebody new are scarcely regular at all and always interesting and i can feed on the randomness later :smallbiggrin:
its a good system. im enjoying it.

except then i read lerkys post and found out it says all i just said in like one sentence and this is a dissapointment :smallfrown:

[Em Blackleaf]

I've been really busy, so busy that I've gotten so used to being busy that I'm uberly bored when I'm not assigned something. And when I'm bored I get annoying. So, I actually can't wait until school starts (which is earlier than usual) but I loathe finishing my Summer English assignments.
Which are these totally lame literary analysis worksheets. And I truly hate that kind of thing.
So, also, with being all busy, I'm either at school, helping with something (I was at school very early today just to wave a sign around, honk a bike horn, and convince people that the dance tickets I was selling were the best thing they could buy. All without very much caffiene or nutrition in general), or working on my ridiculously put-off homework.
I should've planned my summer better.
Also, I had to set up this stereo system that didn't make any sense to me.
Thankfully, someone came to my rescue before too long.
And, I have a song that goes, "Oh hot damn, this is my jam"
Stuck in my head.
And it's a mixture of horrible and funny.

At least I got to talk to my friends.
And wear a grass skirt.
And dance around a cafeteria.

I did not realize how unreasonable this was going to end up...
I just want to be able to not worry or be thrown into something early in the morning without coffee for one second (they had coffee at school, just no cups... T_T).

[randman22222]

I have one and a half weeks to read Hamlet, MacBeth, and A Doll's House.

I am an idiot. :smallyuk:

[The Rose Dragon]

God of War II in Titan Mode is murder.

It takes me over fifty tries to beat Theseus, who is the easiest boss in the game, I almost die after I get Cronos' Rage, even though I have infinite magic so I can try it out freely, then I can't beat four minotaurs (just four!!) so I can get back to the island from the Steeds of Time.

The official guide says I should have level 3 Athena's Blades by now, but guess what? I get red orbs only from killing monsters, long combos and brutal kills. Red chests and breaking objects don't give me red orbs at all.

I'll be lucky if I have level 4 Blades by the end of the game.

[Eldpollard]

I have one and a half weeks to read Hamlet, MacBeth, and A Doll's House.

I am an idiot. :smallyuk:

Hamlet and Macbeth you should be able to read fairly quickly. As for A doll's house, I don't know what it is. So perhaps not good.

I don't think I have that much to rant about really. Most of my rants happen on my blog. Hmm, perhaps I can dig one out and post that here. Hurray for laziness!

Round teabags, simply put are normal (rectangular) teabags but they're rounded off. And so are circular in nature. So you may be thinking "Why does he care? It's a teabag." But I'm British you see, it's what we do, we complain and drink tea. Often at the same time. My first grievance with them is the waste they must generate. Normal teabags tessellate, that is to say they fit together, this leaves no extraneous teabag material. Which is good. But think of circles. They don't fit together you know. So there must be a lot of teabagness being thrown away. Without ever feeling the caress of hot water. Poor thing. So why bother really? It's like someone going "CDs are a stupid shape, let's make them shaped like corn." A cornular disc.

They're also harder to use. Rectangles by their nature are easy to pick up. Corners you see. When you leave the bag to brew you can deftly reach into the cup and snatch away the bag. This is not the case with round teabags. Circles don't have corners. In fact, they're known for their lack of them. A floating circle teabag is much harder to grab without endangering your fingers.

It seems like alot of effort to reprogram all the machinery to make the bags a different shape. For no point whatsoever. Then there are the PG tips pyramid ones. But that's another rant for another time. So I say boo to the circular teabag tyranny. Booo.
That was written when I was jobless after college and had nothing to do. Now I have a job so I tend to complain about that. Perhaps tomorrow I will treat you with another and original rant about work in the public sector. This being from a socially maladjusted misanthrope that chose a customer service job in a library.

If you liked the rant then (apart from having no taste) you can read it here (http://eldpollard.livejournal.com).

[nothingclever]

All these rants are hilarious, especially the ones about socializing and self-image. Don't worry, eventually if you're lucky you'll realize life has no meaning and nonexistence is the only way to achieve peace and perfection so you can forget any expectations you feel you aren't fulfilling since nothing truly matters.

[zeratul]

I have one and a half weeks to read Hamlet, MacBeth, and A Doll's House.

I am an idiot. :smallyuk:

Here's a tip that will actually work quite well. Get a tape of a performance of the plays or a DVD of one. It's the exact same words, plus there's the actors inflections so you can understand it better. Plus it will actually be entertaining. Hamlet and MacBeth are great, so watch a good production and enjoy, don't drudgingly read it, since that can get pretty boring.

[Drascin]

All these rants are hilarious, especially the ones about socializing and self-image. Don't worry, eventually if you're lucky you'll realize life has no meaning and nonexistence is the only way to achieve peace and perfection so you can forget any expectations you feel you aren't fulfilling since nothing truly matters.

Ah, nihilism. Is there anything it can't solve? Aside from lack-of-drive-induced absolute uselessness or undeserved smugness, of course :smallamused:.

[nothingclever]

Ah, nihilism. Is there anything it can't solve? Aside from lack-of-drive-induced absolute uselessness or undeserved smugness, of course :smallamused:.
I have no drive and yet I am able to do plenty. I wouldn't say I'm smug but I felt like saying something like that since I found these rants very humorous and silly. I'm glad you agree that nihilism is so great anyway.:smallwink:

Honestly I'd prefer to care about nothing and feel empty than get worked up over what should be seen as trivial things. The three emotions I've felt most in life are depression, indifference and emptiness but by constantly experiencing them I build up a natural tolerance and can't sink much lower so I'm actually happier than most other people. Besides emotion in general is overrated.

[Gaelbert]

Round teabags, simply put are normal (rectangular) teabags but they're rounded off. And so are circular in nature. So you may be thinking "Why does he care? It's a teabag." But I'm British you see, it's what we do, we complain and drink tea. Often at the same time. My first grievance with them is the waste they must generate. Normal teabags tessellate, that is to say they fit together, this leaves no extraneous teabag material. Which is good. But think of circles. They don't fit together you know. So there must be a lot of teabagness being thrown away. Without ever feeling the caress of hot water. Poor thing. So why bother really? It's like someone going "CDs are a stupid shape, let's make them shaped like corn." A cornular disc.

They're also harder to use. Rectangles by their nature are easy to pick up. Corners you see. When you leave the bag to brew you can deftly reach into the cup and snatch away the bag. This is not the case with round teabags. Circles don't have corners. In fact, they're known for their lack of them. A floating circle teabag is much harder to grab without endangering your fingers.

It seems like alot of effort to reprogram all the machinery to make the bags a different shape. For no point whatsoever. Then there are the PG tips pyramid ones. But that's another rant for another time. So I say boo to the circular teabag tyranny. Booo.
So chuck the tea bags in a harbor. That's how we do it in the states.

[Jae]

hehe im just dissapointed in myself that I cant read the word teabag too many times consecutively before busting up in ridiculous and rather perverse laughter :smallbiggrin:


Also, I had to set up this stereo system that didn't make any sense to me.
Thankfully, someone came to my rescue before too long.
Ahh I hate my schools stereosystem. Im probably just electronics stupid, but I swear it's the most complicated thing I've ever seen. And Im the one left to set it up for all club involved activities :smallannoyed:


Honestly I'd prefer to care about nothing and feel empty than get worked up over what should be seen as trivial things. The three emotions I've felt most in life are depression, indifference and emptiness but by constantly experiencing them I build up a natural tolerance and can't sink much lower so I'm actually happier than most other people. Besides emotion in general is overrated.
For starters, INDIFFERENCE is not an emotion. It's a lack of that very thing.
And, honestly, you believe that but the second you actually feel happiness and are forced to live without it by things that are out of your control, you won't believe you're too "happy" in your "immunity." Nobody is ever actually immune to being human. And, in such a mindset, I couldn't blame you for seing the futility in existence.
You should know, however, that it's only you.

My rant.
FDAKHFWUEA club work! I'm replacing some of my officers which means I need to go through the process of training them asap. and I already have a job for my art director which i dont know if shes too thrilled about. i really dont want to pile things on them, but ive got this pressure to do this paperwork asap and go to this club rush meeting and decide who im going to bring and get my account work done and uhblah. Im not that organized at all. And I have this small fear that attendance to my club is going to be strongly determined upon the people who do not like me. and then I think well yeah people dont but theres a lot of people who now do. ill figure it out.

ive got to get this drama script down before flipping auditions. flip flip flip! why did i agree to such a thing!

I wonder if pretty does me more bad than good, sometimes. I keep hearing it way more often anymore. like..daily. more than daily. which isnt a bad thing, i do like to hear it. and i dont think i get too cocky about it, unless im around somebody I can be jokingly cocky around. haha or unless i want to be seriously cocky in front of somebody I want to anger. (yeah im manipulative but what else is new??) But more im reminded of anything that has to do with appearance, the less I hear about my intelligence or strength, two things i value quite a bit. I used to be called witty quite often, and that simply doesn't happen anymore. I do not get by on wit, i do it on my pretty blue eyes. Maybe its good, though. maybe ive got something to prove now.

[Foeofthelance]

Add rant here:

The drums thump as Coldplay launches into their second song, the lights flashing as Clocks begins. The crowd surges to its feet, and the clapping begins, that damned clapping! I surge to my feet as well, my vision filled with red, even though the lights are green…

The sword sings through the air as it comes off my back and over my shoulder, cleaving through the housewife in the seat before me. I twist the blade to the slide as I follow through, passing it between her ribs and into her daughter. By now the screaming has started, but the spilled blood has made the floor slick and the small confines make it difficult for people to escape. Liz ducks, allowing me to skewer the older son, and I lay open the father’s throat with a backhanded swing.. He stumbles backwards, trying to stem the bleeding by clutching at his throat, choking as his own blood pours into his lungs. Their last child cowers before me as the crowd starts to stampede, crying for his dead parents. My blade flashes as I raise it over my head, reflecting the still dancing lights even as I bury it in his body, not halting the swing until I hear the crunch of bone. A sharp tug tells me I’ve lodged the blade in his pelvis, so I let the sword drop as his body crumples and tumbles down the stacked seats.

By now the crowd is too far away for the sword to be effective anyway, so I pull a pull of matched pistols from their place at my hip. Three shots from the left and three shots from the right are all it takes to kill those two air headed blondes sitting to our right, their heads exploding in a welter of gore and brains. The next salvo bowls over the pair of preppies who are trying to escape, still clutching their cellphones even as I cut them down. I make these deaths last, putting the first rounds into their knees, stopping them from running. The next rounds smash into their backs, so that they can get a good look at their intestines as the bullets pass out. The final bullets are a mercy, smashing into the back of their necks and nearly decapitating them. Their bodies fall to be trampled by the panicked crowd. The last rounds are so kindly donated to the ******* in the seat behind me, who kept kicking my chair in some sad attempt to dance.

“Reload!” the woman beside me cackles, tossing me a fresh pair of guns…

-------------------

Ok, none of that actually happened, but it makes for an entertaining fantasy. (Well, entertaining for me, at any rate. I am sure there are those who are now convinced I’m psychotic, and, well, they’re probably right.) While I did not think a concert could possibly inspire me to homicide, that was before I attended the recent Coldplay show in Hartford. I feel I should make it known plainly right away that this was in no way the band’s fault, at least as far as I could determine. They were actually quite amazing. The problem seems to be more a variation of Sturgeon’s Law, with a healthy dose of Murphy thrown in. Let us examine, in detail, an evening that would eventually inspire Liz to not only ask me to kill people, but to, in her own words, “Make it painful. Not too long though, maybe a minute, because you’re going to be busy.”

Getting into the show was no problem, as the crowd was rather well managed, and we quickly took our seats. I almost immediately regretted not bringing a book, a mistake that I do not plan on making again. I had seen footage of Coldplay concerts before, and was expecting a rather impressive lightshow (they did not disappoint in that regard). The tickets said the show would start at 7:30, and the lights promptly went down at 7:40. We were then treated to the most lack luster professional performance I have ever had to suffer through. The singer was some contest winner, who apparently believed that she could carry Avril Laveigne style lyrics with Vanessa Carlton style music. It didn’t help that she had been provided with a Rent-a-Band, which, admittedly, was pretty decent. The violinist provided a good sense of flair, and the drummer made a valiant effort at drowning out her whining. What didn’t help was them apparently neglecting to tell her that opening acts are meant to be exciting . Based off her choice of songs, one couldn’t help but be convinced that not only had her boyfriend just left her probably got tired of listening to her voice) but that he shot her father and ran other her cat on his way out. Her bare attempts at being upbeat were so forgettable, that I have to sit here and convince myself that they actually happened. Fortunately mercy shined on us and it was over after a mere five songs.

There was a slow intermission as the roadies busied themselves on stage, and then the lights went down and…we were treated to another opening act. If the first singer was suffering from split personalities, this one qualified for her own personal musical psych ward. She started off with a song made me immediately think of Madonna during her “Material Girl” phase, and those ridiculous striped tights that her back up dancers were wearing didn’t help convince me otherwise. What followed was the strangest variety act, ranging from 80’s pop music to some vague attempts at modern rap. By far the crowning moment of travesty was her (thankfully) final song. An attempt at a “hard” rap song, it started off with this bizarre “Ayiyiyiyi!” like scream which left me laughing so hard I was surprised that they couldn’t hear me on stage. I couldn’t help it, my first thought was of Alpha from Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers. The singer and dancers then began to go into some sort of seizure, all while continuing to babble away. They must have been touched by God or something, because even the band was stunned into paralysis and silence by this sudden turn of events. Fortunately the poor girl eventually managed to regain control of herself and departed the stage rather meekly.

There was another lengthy pause as the stage was once more rearranged. Why, oh why didn’t I bring a book? Book next time James, book! The time was instead passed with much teasing, and plotting of body disposal. Finally, at 9:20 the lights went down, the band came out, and the jam began.

To say that the band was good is an understatement. I was hardly familiar with Coldplay before, having only listened to what was played on the radio and few music videos, but I can assure people that I will soon be purchasing the new album. I have been to four live performances now, not counting the aborted Lifehouse travesty but counting the trip to Popeye’s, and Coldplay did not disappoint in living up to the previous experiences. Admittedly, it was also a much larger concert, with a larger arena and thus more showmanship, but it was done well, and that is what is most important. Their first song was off their newest album, and their next was the fabled Clocks. The crowd loved it, and by mixing old favorites with new tunes they kept the crowd from issuing demands.

The biggest problem during the performance? The fans. When there is seating for everyone, there is no reason to be standing, especially when everyone else around you is sitting. The arena provided more than ample space for the seats, so even though the walkway was narrow there was no reason to fret, even if the person sitting in front of you was twelve and half feet tall. Also, it is not a karaoke bar, so there is no reason to be singing along with every song! I know there are certain songs where fans will always sing, and are even often encouraged to, but not Every. Last. Bleeding. Number! And no, you do not need to be clapping along with the beat every single time, especially when you aren’t actually on beat! Good god was it annoying. I’ve been to metal shows where the mosh pit is better behaved than these people. I’ve nearly been run over several times, and had no problems. Metal fans are simply polite to one another. Maybe it has something to do with size, or the fact that we’ve all got massive attitudes and enough metal on our persons to back them up. Or maybe we all realize that when we go to a concert we are there to see the band, not the ass of the person in front of us! Does seeing more popular groups automatically involve dealing with more idiots? The Musical Form of Sturgeon’s Law: the more popular the group, the more idiots they attract. Consider yourself warned!

Ah well. At least my bullets will be free…


Warning: I can be a little bloody minded at times...

[zeratul]

Not to rant again so soon but

Ugh DRUMMERS. My band has been in the making for a while now. I have an mazing lead guitarist, im a decent rhythm guitarist, but we have been having the worst luck with drummers. The first one is going to college this year so he cant exactly drive all the way back here once a week to practice. The other one we wanted just decided that he wants to focus on his other bands and doesn't have time for a third. This whole damn issue is putting the entire band on hold. You can't have a metal band with no drums. I'm going to try putting posters up saying drummer needed for auditions up at a few schools around here, but the whole things really pissing me off.

[nothingclever]

hehe im just dissapointed in myself that I cant read the word teabag too many times consecutively before busting up in ridiculous and rather perverse laughter :smallbiggrin:


Ahh I hate my schools stereosystem. Im probably just electronics stupid, but I swear it's the most complicated thing I've ever seen. And Im the one left to set it up for all club involved activities :smallannoyed:


For starters, INDIFFERENCE is not an emotion. It's a lack of that very thing.
And, honestly, you believe that but the second you actually feel happiness and are forced to live without it by things that are out of your control, you won't believe you're too "happy" in your "immunity." Nobody is ever actually immune to being human. And, in such a mindset, I couldn't blame you for seing the futility in existence.
You should know, however, that it's only you.


Actually plenty of people feel the way I do and it is not simply an emotional matter. It is a matter of logical reasoning. If I chose to believe life was not meaningless I would be lying to myself because I have logically came to the conclusion it is.

A simple sample of why it is meaningless is the fact that the only way to end all suffering in the world is for everyone to die and cease to exist consciously. As long as people continue to live they are guaranteed to suffer to some degree but when they cease to exist consciously they are guaranteed to be unable to feel any pain. The only reason to somehow believe otherwise is if you believe in God which is just wishful thinking. There is no reliable evidence of God's existence and the burden of proof falls on believers to prove he exists. If they can't prove it then by default we should assume he does not exist the same way we dismiss other ridiculous claims. There are plenty of other reasons as well.

[Pyrian]

None of that is "logical" at all. It's depression rationalized.

Meaning is assigned, and is only relevant (internally or communicated) to an intelligence. "Life is meaningless" is a choice, not a fact.

All suffering could be potentially ended without ending people (not long term with existing technology - yet), although I think the consequences of such an act could very well be worse than the cure, so I'm not entirely clear on what the point would be. Suffering is appropriate sometimes.

Sure, you could wipe out all suffering by wiping out all life, but you'd wipe out all joy, too. Not a net benefit, IMO.

EDIT: I've always been most amused by the old saw that "objectively speaking, nothing matters", since it's really just a reversal of the basic meaning of objectivity, "to think objectively, pretend nothing matters".

[zeratul]

A simple sample of why it is meaningless is the fact that the only way to end all suffering in the world is for everyone to die and cease to exist consciously. As long as people continue to live they are guaranteed to suffer to some degree but when they cease to exist consciously they are guaranteed to be unable to feel any pain. The only reason to somehow believe otherwise is if you believe in God which is just wishful thinking. There is no reliable evidence of God's existence and the burden of proof falls on believers to prove he exists. If they can't prove it then by default we should assume he does not exist the same way we dismiss other ridiculous claims. There are plenty of other reasons as well.

Who cares? Might as well have a good time while you're here anyway instead of choosing apathy. If you don't care about anything it is impossible to be happy therefor I would say unless a person is prone to being constantly unhappy it is not an even trade off.

[Cult_of_the_Raven]

hmm. this looks like a discussion that belongs in the depression thread. :smalltongue:

I can see the validity of both sides of this argument, I mean, there are times when all of us wonder why we're here, and what our real goals are. I'm still struggling with wondering what I really want to be shooting for, and how best to get there without feeling miserable the whole way. I can see that life is meaningless, but not because of suffering vs. happiness, but because there's really nothing we can change that affects anything outside of us. Really, what will happen will happen whether we care or not.

However, why let that bring you down into a pity-party when you could be doing something to make yourself feel good, or at least make others feel good. I like to take my mind off of that kind of stuff by focussing on closer goals, like improving this skill, or putting this idea on paper, or mastering this math problem, or even just surviving until this day, when I get to hug my boyfriend again. Small goals make you happy, long goals make you think.

Does that make sense?

[Pyrian]

There are people in the world who really are locked into their lives to a large degree. (Interestingly, they're not at all prone to nihilism.) Most people who have access to the internet don't fall into that "helpless" category, and can change their life path or upend it altogether fairly easily and quite probably still land somewhat on their feet. And yet, I think it's precisely an overabundance of options that starts to inflict that feeling. It's amazing how quickly the possibility to try virtually everything can feel like an inability to do anything.

[Em Blackleaf]

Obviously, the earth is just a computer, built to find the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything. We're run by mice. We're all part of the program.
Don't you guys know anything? :smalltongue:

But really, for most people (hopefully) the good times outweigh the bad, and while we're here, we might as well keep making good times.

So have fun while you're alive. :smallsmile:

I agree with Cult_of_the_Raven.

[Hoggy]

It's 8.45 in the morning, I'm about to head to work, and I'm still rather pissed. Why, why oh why oh why.

[Jae]

I know that everyone gets scared, but ive become what i cant be.

I wonder how much body language gets you noticed, and how much people understand from my own. hmm.

Im not a particularly emotional person, I never really have been. Or I guess I was at some point but I made sure I wouldn't be anymore a long time ago. As of late, though, my feelings have been incredibly messy and unexpected. Where I used to control everything, I'll now explode with no logical reason. And I dont mean unlogical as in my reasoning doesnt make sense, because Im pretty sure it makes sense most of the time, but unlogical in the way that it does not benefit me or anybody else to explode. Some people, of course, will argue that this is a good thing. I guess it makes me more human. but i dont like it. I dont like the way Im thinking or reacting and, most importantly, feeling. It all seems so negative and it all ties my stomache up in ridiculous knots that tangle an already complicated mindset. I used to think that, regardless of feelings, I would do what was best for me if I was sure of it...regardless of how hard the right thing may be. But when it comes right down to it, I'm not that person. It's easy to be strong and decisive when you've got nothing to lose. But when you'd be losing either way?? The right choice gets a lot harder. Maybe I just need to make it, but I dont want to seem wishywashy and i know I'd never stick to it. I just, desperately, want the easy way out. and, for once, there isnt one.
I can't remember the last time I felt this torn. I can't remember if I've ever felt like this at all.

I went to my mothers work today so she wouldnt be alone when she had to fill out her time card thingy, and nobody I knew was working so I had to get reintroduced to a bunch of people ive never met. My mom says I seem friendly, but I think Im really bad at meeting people. As usual, there were a few jokes like going "Hey, -name of my mother here-" and nudging me instead. I think this is supposed to mean that we look really alike, which I hear more and more lately. (My mother is very pretty so I am proud of this.) At one point, though, somebody said "Oh, she's very cute. Have to watch those boys with her, huh?" and my mom said "She's been pretty good of keeping them out the door, this far." And, another first, I wondered why exactly this is..

I think I feel good right now, I feel nice.
It wont be lasting too long.

[Hoggy]

Results day tomorrow. Still got 24 hours to go, but already got that horrible nervous feeling in my stomach and my hands aren't nearly as steady as useful. These things mean so much to me, yet I'm scared to the point where I don't really want to go pick them up.

[Cristo Meyers]

I don't do this often enough (or maybe I do it too often, just not here...)

Stop asking when we're going to have kids! Seriously, just stop. We're not, and this is a point I have made explicitly clear on multiple occasions. I don't want kids, I never did, and I never will. If there was ever anything that fell under the heading "None of your damn business" it's our love life.

Asking is at best rude, and at worst genuinely hurtful. We don't all think that children are necessary components to a family or a happy life.

Also, stop compounding your offense by adding "But you'd make such a great father." No, no I wouldn't. I know this and I think I know myself better than anyone else. Congratulations, you've just gone from out and out rude to rude and presumptuous.

And, stop asking the Lady behind my bloody back, she doesn't appreciate it any more than I do. The only thing worse than looking at your "shocked" faces when I tell you for the umpteenth time that I don't want kids is having to listen to her tell me about how you wouldn't let the bloody subject drop.

Only one person is exempt from this, and that's because she's developing Alzhemier's.

All of a sudden I'm pretty glad gas is making it too expensive to make trips home...

Wish I could say I felt better...

[Serpentine]

Well, I think the term "Suicide Music" is highly pejorative. Even though it's not necessarily depressing, I guess it's not for everybody, but then again, there's as many musical moods as people in the world. I like to listen to all different kinds of moods in my music.

In any case, you don't have to like it, just do know that he's a relevant artist in this century's music and poetry. One that it's worth knowing.Ummm... Yeah. Pejorative. Pretty much, yep. I do, I think, like some of his work. That doesn't make much of it - or at least much of what my mum listens to - any less horribly, wrist-cuttingly depressing. Especially that wail I mentioned.

My rant can be boiled down to:

The usual.

And:

I am sick and tired of feeling like crap.

The only person/place that made me really, truly, genuinely happy for a while is a 12.5-hour-bus ride away :smallfrown: Well, there is one other, but he's off in the arms of someone compared to whom I'm a steaming cow pat.

[FdL]

Ummm... Yeah. Pejorative. Pretty much, yep. I do, I think, like some of his work. That doesn't make much of it - or at least much of what my mum listens to - any less horribly, wrist-cuttingly depressing. Especially that wail I mentioned.


Which song exactly is the one that has this "wail" you keep mentioning? I don't remember anything I would call a "wail" in any Cohen song I know. It's usually mostly low key, sparse and sung in a speak/sing cadence in a very low voice.

Sorry but I can't help to get the feeling you're mistaking someone else's music for his. This is why I'm curious to this "wail" song.

And yeah, in any case I think that those negative qualities you put in the music as being "depressing" and "suicidal" are probably in you, not in the music. But it might have to do with the bad time you're going through, it's understandable.

[Zarrexaij]

I am so bored, yet I know there is easily a bunch of things I can do. I could go to the rec. center here and feel alienated 'cause it's full of athletic people (which I'm not) and can't do anything very long (it's called asthma, and it's a pain in the ass). I mean, I'd like to be in shape, but my asthma really does prevent me from doing much of anything for long, except for walking. :smallsigh:

Also, I NEED TO GET MY BOOKS ARG. I keep on putting things off. Dammit.

[mangosta71]

I'm not certain that I'm qualified to post here, as all of my ranting is completely reasonable and justified.

[randman22222]

RGH! [NOT-COUNTING-OTHER-BLESSINGS]The air-con's dying again! And I live in a desert! Where it is 45 C + on an average day. And now my air con is dying! :smallfurious:[/NOT-COUNTING-OTHER-BLESSINGS]

[Cobra_Ikari]

The only person/place that made me really, truly, genuinely happy for a while is a 12.5-hour-bus ride away :smallfrown:

I am in this exact same place. I miss her, and it's been all of a day since I last saw her. =\

[nothingclever]

I know that everyone gets scared, but ive become what i cant be.

I wonder how much body language gets you noticed, and how much people understand from my own. hmm.

Im not a particularly emotional person, I never really have been. Or I guess I was at some point but I made sure I wouldn't be anymore a long time ago. As of late, though, my feelings have been incredibly messy and unexpected. Where I used to control everything, I'll now explode with no logical reason. And I dont mean unlogical as in my reasoning doesnt make sense, because Im pretty sure it makes sense most of the time, but unlogical in the way that it does not benefit me or anybody else to explode. Some people, of course, will argue that this is a good thing. I guess it makes me more human. but i dont like it. I dont like the way Im thinking or reacting and, most importantly, feeling. It all seems so negative and it all ties my stomache up in ridiculous knots that tangle an already complicated mindset. I used to think that, regardless of feelings, I would do what was best for me if I was sure of it...regardless of how hard the right thing may be. But when it comes right down to it, I'm not that person. It's easy to be strong and decisive when you've got nothing to lose. But when you'd be losing either way?? The right choice gets a lot harder. Maybe I just need to make it, but I dont want to seem wishywashy and i know I'd never stick to it. I just, desperately, want the easy way out. and, for once, there isnt one.
I can't remember the last time I felt this torn. I can't remember if I've ever felt like this at all.

I went to my mothers work today so she wouldnt be alone when she had to fill out her time card thingy, and nobody I knew was working so I had to get reintroduced to a bunch of people ive never met. My mom says I seem friendly, but I think Im really bad at meeting people. As usual, there were a few jokes like going "Hey, -name of my mother here-" and nudging me instead. I think this is supposed to mean that we look really alike, which I hear more and more lately. (My mother is very pretty so I am proud of this.) At one point, though, somebody said "Oh, she's very cute. Have to watch those boys with her, huh?" and my mom said "She's been pretty good of keeping them out the door, this far." And, another first, I wondered why exactly this is..

I think I feel good right now, I feel nice.
It wont be lasting too long.
PROTIP:
It's illogical, not unlogical.

[Jae]

Are you kidding me? there are probably about twenty words that arent gramatically correct. I know its illogical, but its also a rant where obviously my greatest concern isn't grammar.

[nothingclever]

I was kidding. Anyway, care to give an example of what is making you "explode" emotionally? One time someone said I dropped my pocket and insisted I had looked to see if I had even though I did not fall for it. I damn near killed him. It was truly a tragic event.

[Serpentine]

Which song exactly is the one that has this "wail" you keep mentioning? I don't remember anything I would call a "wail" in any Cohen song I know. It's usually mostly low key, sparse and sung in a speak/sing cadence in a very low voice.

Sorry but I can't help to get the feeling you're mistaking someone else's music for his. This is why I'm curious to this "wail" song.

And yeah, in any case I think that those negative qualities you put in the music as being "depressing" and "suicidal" are probably in you, not in the music. But it might have to do with the bad time you're going through, it's understandable.As I believe I said, mum had several CDs on shuffle, so yes, it is possible that it was someone else, but I'm pretty sure it was Leonard Cohen. I don't remember what the name of the wailing song was, and it was normally turned off as soon as mum's husband got in. And considering the last time I heard this I was in high school, or more than 5 years ago, and it was Peter who called it Suicide Music, and some types of music are more than capable of simply being depressing, it has absolutely nothing to do with my present state of mind and I'll thank you to move on from the "it's not the music, it's you" argument which frankly I find to be pretty insulting and weak. In fact, this whole argument is pretty pointless anyway, what with it being just a random comment.

[mangosta71]

Cursed Vision of Sargeras (http://www.wowhead.com/?item=32235)^%@ing shaman ninjaing my best in slot hat. I've always said that leather should count as offspec for shamans, hunters, and warriors. Total bull&!#$ that I have to bid against all of them, plus the other rogues and the feral druids for my gear.

[FdL]

Done, finished then.


As I believe I said, mum had several CDs on shuffle, so yes, it is possible that it was someone else, but I'm pretty sure it was Leonard Cohen. I don't remember what the name of the wailing song was, and it was normally turned off as soon as mum's husband got in. And considering the last time I heard this I was in high school, or more than 5 years ago, and it was Peter who called it Suicide Music, and some types of music are more than capable of simply being depressing, it has absolutely nothing to do with my present state of mind and I'll thank you to move on from the "it's not the music, it's you" argument which frankly I find to be pretty insulting and weak. In fact, this whole argument is pretty pointless anyway, what with it being just a random comment.

[Serpentine]

Sorry FdL, I'm just really not in a good frame of mind for someone to have a go at me for something so trivial, especially not in such a cheap way.

I could rant but, again, it's just the Usual, and I have little doubt that people are sick of hearing it.

edit: [rant removed because there was, as usual, a Perfectly Reasonable Explanation]

[8ronte]

Read Spoiler If You Wish To Hear About How Much I HATE SCHOOL!

Now don't get me wrong when i say that i hate school. it isn't like a regular teenage "i hate school" routine. I used to LOVE school. I LOVED to LEARN. It gave me so much joy but now all this work is building up. I have slept more than 5 hours since the holidays. Being in the top class, they put so much FREAKING PRESSURE ON US!!!! Its bad enough that we work harder and faster in class, but then we get more home work than everyone and get marked harder in our assigments. I spend all of my school day working. I come home. I spend all night doing homework. Then weekend comes. I spend the weekend studying for a test or doing assigment. I go back to school on monday. I do test, hand in assigment AND LO AND BEHOLD I GET ANOTHER TEST TO PREPARE FOR AND ANOTHER ASSIGMENT!!!! It's a vicious neverending cycle that keeps wearing me down. I have always been blessed with good health and i hardly ever get sick but the school work is wearing me to the ground and i can't sleep properly and I'm sick all the time and i dont seem to be getting any better. Parents want to send me to a psychologist. I DON'T NEED A PSYCHOLOGIST, I NEED SLEEP!!!!!


school induced insomnia......


wow it feels so good to get that off my chest.

I think i'll go burn my school books now.....

[Artemician]

Read Spoiler If You Wish To Hear About How Much I HATE SCHOOL!

Now don't get me wrong when i say that i hate school. it isn't like a regular teenage "i hate school" routine. I used to LOVE school. I LOVED to LEARN. It gave me so much joy but now all this work is building up. I have slept more than 5 hours since the holidays. Being in the top class, they put so much FREAKING PRESSURE ON US!!!! Its bad enough that we work harder and faster in class, but then we get more home work than everyone and get marked harder in our assigments. I spend all of my school day working. I come home. I spend all night doing homework. Then weekend comes. I spend the weekend studying for a test or doing assigment. I go back to school on monday. I do test, hand in assigment AND LO AND BEHOLD I GET ANOTHER TEST TO PREPARE FOR AND ANOTHER ASSIGMENT!!!! It's a vicious neverending cycle that keeps wearing me down. I have always been blessed with good health and i hardly ever get sick but the school work is wearing me to the ground and i can't sleep properly and I'm sick all the time and i dont seem to be getting any better. Parents want to send me to a psychologist. I DON'T NEED A PSYCHOLOGIST, I NEED SLEEP!!!!!


school induced insomnia......


wow it feels so good to get that off my chest.

I think i'll go burn my school books now.....

Welcome to scholastic education.

If it makes you feel any better, I find that since you actually have time to complain, you can't be all that badly off.

[Lorn]

**** you, glandular fever. **** you.

There's a chance it isn't, but I'm STILL going to be unable to see people much for the next two-three weeks. Happens to be the remainder of my summer holidays.

And my family's out week after next, I had Plans... :smallfrown:

[Cid Fletch]

what are we talking about?

[Calamity]

A rant about independence.
What is with my parents? "Oh, you need to be more independent, get out more and look after yourself."
I spend nearly every day home alone looking after myself! It's not like I don't do everything that I should do!
And that part isn't what irks me the most. It's the going out part that troubles me. They encourage me to go out more, a lot, but the problem is that I'm never allowed! If they give me the option to go where I want I'd go out more, a lot more. It's not my fault if I have to be within a 5-mile radius of them, because this town has nothing to do!
And this is the reason I'm looking forward to be able to take driving lessons next year. Hey, maybe one day I'll get out of this county.

I don't want to wait another year or two, but it's the only way...

I hate how I never make much sense, too.

[FdL]

Sorry FdL, I'm just really not in a good frame of mind for someone to have a go at me for something so trivial, especially not in such a cheap way.

Serpentine, it wasn't my intention to "have a go" at you in a "cheap way", sorry if it came like that. You should know by now that I'm not your enemy. And it's not a trivial matter for me, else I wouldn't be discussing it.
But now I really don't feel like talking to you, sorry. Let's just try to leave this behind.

[Jae]

I was kidding. Anyway, care to give an example of what is making you "explode" emotionally? One time someone said I dropped my pocket and insisted I had looked to see if I had even though I did not fall for it. I damn near killed him. It was truly a tragic event
You asked me to say what's making me explode, and then gave an example of when you exploded..which are two different things. So, if you're asking WHEN I explode, quite often. when people correct my grammar, mayhaps. today I screamed at a kid who bugged me when i was trying to study at lunch, even though he was joking and even though he almost always jokes like that. My best friend made some little comment about how not everyone hates w/e the hell it was and since shes my best friend i didnt explode but i didnt talk to her for a bit. Getting a B on my science test made me want to punch a wall or myself for answers that i did ****ing know. and that not using two words, although the concept was explained, kept me from two points on a short answer that would otherwise have been a perfect score. And I want to scream at every person who is so naturally intelligent that make any of my efforts looks like CHILDPLAY and i did not used to feel dumb.

But, if you're asking me what is making me explode, I think I know. But it's nothing I feel like sharing.

[nothingclever]

Well think of it this way, you're lucky you have the ability to care enough about such trivial things in life that you can feel an urge to punch a wall.:smallwink:

Hardly anything moves me.

[Jae]

Hardly anything moves me.

and whose fault is that??

I happen to know, from experience, that if you're in a position where apathy rules over everything else you put yourself in that position. So, if you were really so broken up about the lack of emotion you'd be able to change it.

And you dont get what is or isnt trivial.

[RabbitHoleLost]

I think the both of you need to back away from this issue before it escalates.
Please.
This exchange between the two of you is making me severly uncomfortable.