I need advice

[V Junior]

There's no easy way to say it - I'm really depressed and I need help fast.

I have a medical condition where, if I have artificial colours, flavours or sweeters, I go 'hyper'. This has changing effects, but it means it's really not safe to give me any.

My friends, of course, know, and this is where the problem starts. They call me 'mad' for a joke. It's a joke for them, but it hurts me. But I hide it. I don't know why... I don't know if I should get help or not. It never helps if I try, though. It just starts all over again.

This has stretched into other things. Recently, I've been called 'ginger' - I'm brunette, people! - and other times I've cried. In front of all my mates. They comfort me, say 'God you can't take a joke'... and it starts all. Over. Again.

I just hide from who I really am. I avoid other people at break and lunchtime, and I talk to myself so I won't be alone. I have an imaginary friend to combat the lonelyness. And then, people tease me because of those things.

I've got ot the stage where I am teased and mocked almost 24/7. The computer is my only retreat. Sometimes, I hide in my bedroom for hours.

The thing is... I don't try to get help, because it doesn't help. I feel that I can't go to anyone, so I just sit on this slight depression. I've destroyed hundreds of rubbers in the fight to avoid going emo. I feel guilty about what I'm doing to myself, and I stress eat in the mornings.

Recently, I started a new school, and I've made a few friends who are, in short, better friends then my old ones. I've made friends with Emily from my old school, and then there's Demi and Lottie too.

But still...

My school has a Peer Counseler system - should I go to them? Or should I go to the nurse, or a teacher? I don't want to get my mates in trouble. They're my mates. I think...

[Cobra_Ikari]

There's no easy way to say it - I'm really depressed and I need help fast.

I have a medical condition where, if I have artificial colours, flavours or sweeters, I go 'hyper'. This has changing effects, but it means it's really not safe to give me any.

My friends, of course, know, and this is where the problem starts. They call me 'mad' for a joke. It's a joke for them, but it hurts me. But I hide it. I don't know why... I don't know if I should get help or not. It never helps if I try, though. It just starts all over again.

This has stretched into other things. Recently, I've been called 'ginger' - I'm brunette, people! - and other times I've cried. In front of all my mates. They comfort me, say 'God you can't take a joke'... and it starts all. Over. Again.

I just hide from who I really am. I avoid other people at break and lunchtime, and I talk to myself so I won't be alone. I have an imaginary friend to combat the lonelyness. And then, people tease me because of those things.

I've got ot the stage where I am teased and mocked almost 24/7. The computer is my only retreat. Sometimes, I hide in my bedroom for hours.

The thing is... I don't try to get help, because it doesn't help. I feel that I can't go to anyone, so I just sit on this slight depression. I've destroyed hundreds of rubbers in the fight to avoid going emo. I feel guilty about what I'm doing to myself, and I stress eat in the mornings.

Recently, I started a new school, and I've made a few friends who are, in short, better friends then my old ones. I've made friends with Emily from my old school, and then there's Demi and Lottie too.

But still...

My school has a Peer Counseler system - should I go to them? Or should I go to the nurse, or a teacher? I don't want to get my mates in trouble. They're my mates. I think...

*hugs*...your old friends...really aren't good ones. Good friends would not hurt you for the sake of a "joke", even after you've asked them not to.

...I think you should talk to someone if you think it will help you. Because that's what's important here. You being healthy. *nods*

[Flickerdart]

It seems like there's hardly anything anyone except you can do. How nonchalant are you, exactly? Maybe being a little (or a lot!) more brash will convince them to treat your condition as a serious matter. You might think that it makes you less attractive, but some guys like a girl who's got spunk. :P
The easiest way out would be to develop a superiority complex, though that's like solving global warning by turning off the sun. A little bit of confidence is all you need, so find something you're really good it and make it painfully clear that the fools who surround you cannot begin to approach your mastery of ________.

[Diva De]

Your friends would not keep saying things to hurt you. Period. These are CLEARLY not friends, or mates, or chums, or any such pleasantry.

[SoD]

I'm a little hypocritical in this aspect: I used to be a peer leader at my old school, and would recomend that people see them with problems, but personally, I wouldn't because my problem is trusting people. Try trusting your new friends with this (if you haven't already), or, if you're not that confident yet, if you've got a school phycologist, or a school consulor, you should definatly see them. I think it's in their job description that they can't talk to others unless you let them. If you're not confident enough for that (or don't trust them), see a professional outside of school. The advantage: they're probably better qualified than the lot in school. The disadvantage: it'll probably cost you. But it'll be worth the money (maybe get your parents to pay?).

Also, no matter what happens in real life, the people on the forums will support you (not that I'm saying you should shut yourself away and stay here 24/7, mind you).

Best of luck with everything.

[Hazkali]

There's no easy way to say it - I'm really depressed and I need help fast.

I have a medical condition where, if I have artificial colours, flavours or sweeters, I go 'hyper'. This has changing effects, but it means it's really not safe to give me any.

My friends, of course, know, and this is where the problem starts. They call me 'mad' for a joke. It's a joke for them, but it hurts me. But I hide it. I don't know why... I don't know if I should get help or not. It never helps if I try, though. It just starts all over again.


Everyone has their sensitive points. There are things I really would not like to be called, even by my friends. If they are your friends, then they don't mean to offend you. However they won't know they're offending you unless you tell them, and that involves letting them know exactly how you feel about it, and asking them to stop. Friends will stop.


This has stretched into other things. Recently, I've been called 'ginger' - I'm brunette, people! - and other times I've cried. In front of all my mates. They comfort me, say 'God you can't take a joke'... and it starts all. Over. Again.


Anyone with vaguely red hair is in the line to be called "ginger". Again, make sure they know how you feel and that it isn't a joke to you.


I just hide from who I really am. I avoid other people at break and lunchtime, and I talk to myself so I won't be alone. I have an imaginary friend to combat the lonelyness. And then, people tease me because of those things.

I've got ot the stage where I am teased and mocked almost 24/7. The computer is my only retreat. Sometimes, I hide in my bedroom for hours.


This isn't healthy. Whilst we all have our own little worlds we like to retreat into, but presuming that you aren't just a really literate 9-year-old, having an imaginary friend is not good.



Recently, I started a new school, and I've made a few friends who are, in short, better friends then my old ones. I've made friends with Emily from my old school, and then there's Demi and Lottie too.


Friends are good. Human contact is good. Your teenage years are for developing social intuition and a sense of yourself as a person, and you can't do that sat in front of a computer screen.



But still...

My school has a Peer Counseler system - should I go to them? Or should I go to the nurse, or a teacher? I don't want to get my mates in trouble. They're my mates. I think...

Go to whomever you think will help you the most, if you think it's what you need. Your friends are the first place to go, especially as this will test whether they are actually your friends or not. If they aren't...well, then there are always other people.

[V Junior]

@Cobra: The problem is, they're really nice when they're not doing that. KT shares her chocolate with me, and Mdh is quite nice and chatty. That's just a couple of examples. And, I really don't want to get on their wrong sides, because I'd be losing like ALL my friends. And, I don't want to be alone (hence imiganary friend).

@Flicker: You're right about the 'serious matter' thing - the worst that happened was two Jaffa cakes. I kicked a pregnant teacher and bit a dinner lady. I am ashamed of myself.

I already know that there's somethin I can do better... I'm smart. Very smart. Smarter then most of the people in my year. I'm pretty much top in every class except Orchestra. But, if I say it, I get called 'nerd' and 'show-off' and 'know-it-all'.

It makes me really sad, sometimes, though... what they do... I sometimes feel so alone...

[Telonius]

A couple words jumped out at me there, "depression" and "stress eat." That alone suggests to me that you really do need to talk to somebody. School nurse would probably be better than peer counselor. If this actually is for-real depression, that's a medical condition and the nurse will be able to help much more than peer counselors. She'll also be better able to recognize the symptoms.

Your friends really might not understand that it did hurt you - nobody ever went broke betting on people being oblivious. But it is good that you've found some new friends that are more willing to help you. Don't worry about getting anyone in trouble. If calling somebody "ginger" is the worst thing they've done, they probably won't get in any trouble. Unless that's a much harsher term where you are. In the US, making fun of someone for having red hair seems pretty ridiculous - it's generally considered a mark of beauty here - so I really have no idea.

[Cobra_Ikari]

@Cobra: The problem is, they're really nice when they're not doing that. KT shares her chocolate with me, and Mdh is quite nice and chatty. That's just a couple of examples. And, I really don't want to get on their wrong sides, because I'd be losing like ALL my friends. And, I don't want to be alone (hence imiganary friend).

Ah. See, I had help in that situation in that I realized my only friend also had a complete disregard for human life, and I was more afraid of him than friendlessness.

*hugs*...find new, good friends. And then wean yourself off your old ones?

[Narmoth]

You'll have to tell your old friends that joking abouyt this is hurtfull for you, and you don't want them to joke about it. Stress the point that you understand that they aren't serious about it, and say it only for fun, but that you are still, despite their good intentions (or more corectly lack of bad ones) are hurt by it.
Also, when meeting new people, point out that your condition is not a topic for jokes, and that if they want to be your friends they should refrain from such.

Good luck with solving this.
I would also like to point out the depression thread, a thread where you can find other forumites with problems and can get good advice and suppourt, as well as suppourting others

[wxdruid]

I was born a redhead...I've been called carrottop. It's a term I hate. I also hate it when people shorten my given name to Jenny. I'm not a female donkey. My friends all understand this. They don't call me things I don't want to be called. And if someone does? I simply don't respond, and to me, they aren't one of my friends.

In elementary school and junior high school I was made fun of, that's 10 years worth of being bullied. I was chased around the playground once. Part of it was because I had red hair. I was ridiculed for years for having my hair color. It wasn't until I was in the later years of high school and college where those people finally grew up and stopped throwing sunflower hulls into my hair, stopped holding a knife to my throat at the bus stop, stopped jabbing me with pencils, stopped raiding my locker whenever they felt like it and many other things.

I think I remember talking to a professional counselor sometime in there, maybe it helped me cope? I simply don't remember. But over time, I've discovered something. You can't change anyone else, you can only change yourself.

[Raistlin1040]

I'm no doctor, and I don't really want to become one, so the medical condition and imaginary friend are better left to a profession. I can't recommend or not recommend counseling. That's really up to you. This is just life advice in general.

The easiest way is try and convince yourself that other people's opinions don't matter. Be yourself, and shrug off what people say.

Most people can't do it. I can't do it. I don't know anyone at my school that can do it. My little sister can't do it. I'm a teenager too. Despite what your teacher may say, it's not that easy to say "Screw you world! I don't care what you say about me!"

Most people that frequent this forum probably are or were the people who are teased in school (No offense guys). We're smarter than the average joe, we play roleplaying games, we read a webcomic about D&D made by a professional game designer. Of course we're different. Of course we'll be made fun of.

And it's not just that. Jacob over there reads Manga during study hall. Ben made his own computer out of spare parts. Alice wears clothes that are totally last season. Those kids are not the kind of people that have 50 friends. Those kids have a few close friends that like what they like, and they are much better friends than the captain of the football team, and the third-string kicker who hangs with the captain for better status.

If your friends aren't being good friends, get new friends! It's not too hard, you can do it. I can almost guarantee that there are people at your school, at your church, in your neighboorhood, on a sports team, whatever, that like the things you do. Seek them out, make an effort to be friends.

I will close this statement with some advice that came from my mom when I was having a similar problem. You don't need to declare yourself unfriends. You don't need to slap them, or punch them (Which, admittedly, was what I did, but he deserved it.), or look them in the eye and say "We are no longer friends!" Just start hanging out with them less. If they really make an effort to stay in touch, then they are probably your friend, and you should just tell them what hurts your feelings, and go on as friends. If they don't make any effort to stay friends, well that's ok.

I know I can't say it as well as all the really nice people on the forum like Cobra, Serp, SMEE, and all the rest, but you have friends here. We like you for who you are, quirks and all.

Edit: And like I've said in the depression thread at least twice, if you (or anyone else) ever wants to talk, drop me a PM and I'll give you my MSN, and we can.

[Agamid]

I was teased all through high school, so were my three brothers. My eldest brother was too smart for people to deal with it, my older brother was too much of a rebel, I cared too little about what people thought and about conforming, and my little brother was too smart and too quiet.
My eldest brother had the usual insults thrown at him, like 'brain' and 'nerd' and some that i won't repeat here. My older brother's antagonists were very colourful in their insults, the people who teased me liked 'gothic lesbian freak' as a nick-name for me, and those who teased my little brother weren't very creative, just persistent (and occasionally violent).
My older brother and i both suffer from depression.

Now i can say that am one of those people Raistlin1040 is talking about, who can let everything all of the jocks and the preppys yell at me slide off my back and ignore them, but i do have difficulty taking constant insults from friends or family (unless i am damn sure that it's playful), so i can understand how hurtful that can be, and, at the risk of repeating what everyone else has said, you need to talk to your friends about how you feel and tell them how much it's upsetting you.
I always had, and continue to have, issues expressing myself through speech, and so wrote people notes. I also found that this gave people time to think about their response which was great, especially if you were saying something that might upset them, so that when they did respond it wasn't the first smart-arse/hot-blooded thing they could think of.
Also, if you can (i don't know what your family life is like) talk to your family about it. My mum, cousin and eldest brother have been better help to me than any counsellor ever could be.

I'm in two minds about seeing a therapist.
See, i had cancer when i was 9 and thus see a doctor every 6 months for check-ups, said doctor told me one session what i already knew; that i was depressed (or that he thought i was at least, since generally doctors who don't have a degree in psychology can't actually diagnose mental illnesses). Anyway, he referred me to their free clinic where i was recommended, but under no obligation, to attend counselling sessions, first with my mum present, then just with the therapist.
I went to councelling for 2 reasons, firstly for my mum, and secondly because it got me out of wednesday afternoon sport. I stopped going to counselling for 2 reasons, that i didn't feel it was doing anything, and that i had a fight with my therapist.
Now, my other mind, tells me that my cousin, older brother, and two best friends have all seen counsellors too and it has helped all of them heaps. Three of them are now on meds, which have kept them from feeling like they are going cry every time they call someone and they don't answer the phone, and the other has cut down on their illegal drug-use heaps and has actually finished their course.

Now, maybe I'm just still smarting from experiences with my own high school counsellor, but i would not recommend that you see yours. Generally they are grossly under-qualified for dealing with anything more than timetable changes and, at least my my nook of the world, they are not bound by any confidentiality laws. This means that anything that you tell them, they can tell anyone.
This meant, at my school, one of my very good friends had that fact that he thought he was gay spread around by everyone, because the school counsellor told the school president (because she thought some knuckle-headed jock could help a petite dance excellence boy through the coming out stage??).
I never saw the school nurse, so i can't comment on them, but i know that doctors can refer you to a therapist, so i would recommend starting there if you want to see one. Else, asking around to see if anyone you know sees one as usually this is how you will come across the good ones that will actually help you.

Ignorance is the root of all evil, so tell your new friends about your depression and let them know that it's not to be made fun of. Sometimes you have to go into a bit of detail about your depression too, as a vast number of people still just think that depression is just feeling a bit sad every now and then.
I remember an old friend of mine, who knew my brother and i suffered from depression but didn't actually know anything about it, complaining that my brother didn't come to an event our medieval group were attending, she got really nasty about how he was just being a wuss and feeling a bit sad was no excuse. She of course had no idea that my brother's depression was so bad at that point that he could not even bring himself to leave the house.
So, ignorance may also be to blame for the callous attitudes of your old friends too.

Anyway... before i turn this into an essay...

You do have people here that you can talk to if all else fails, and high school and high school friends are fleeting. So hugs and well-wishes and if you need someone to talk to i'm also very happy to listen, just drop me a PM.

[Serpentine]

I know I can't say it as well as all the really nice people on the forum like Cobra, Serp, SMEE, and all the rest, but you have friends here. We like you for who you are, quirks and all.Now, the ironic thing there is, I don't think I've ever said that :smalltongue: (it is true, though)
On the subject of bullies, I was thinking a while ago... (le gaspe! =O) I had my bully/ies in high school. They mocked me and made me feel stupid and wouldn't let me pass and the like. Then I got to uni, and came on this forum and heard what extremes bullies could get to. I thought about looking up one of these guys in particular on Facebook and sending him a message, something along the lines of:
"I would like to thank you for being my bully. I would like to thank you for mocking me and making me feel stupid and blocking my way and the like. I want to thank you for this because what you did not do was threaten me with a knife, attack my pets, beat me up, follow me home, throw things at me, cut me, throw me in a rubbish bin, set me up, steal my stuff, go through my bag, sabatage my locker, harrass me into doing things I didn't want to, poke me or set out to systematically destroy my mental and emotional well-being. Sure, you made me feel like crap for years at a time, but at least you didn't physically abuse me. So thanks, for being among the better of the bad."
Of course, reading this makes me realise that it's so stupid it's a good thing I couldn't find the guy on Facebook. Anyway...
The crap some of you people put up with, seem to be expected to put up with, boggles the mind and horrorfies me. An illegal act is not made any less illegal by virtue of taking place in a playground.
Fortunately, it looks like V isn't having anything that extreme done to her. If your friends do something that makes you cry in front of them, and then do it again, they need to be gotten rid of. If they are, you think, really your friends "the rest of the time", then when they start doing that, get up and leave. I recommend keeping a book handy. Furthermore, if you have new friends anyway, you don't need those unworthy ones anymore. You'd be better off focussing your energy getting to know these new ones than trying to salvage a relationship with mean old ones.
Do try to get help. If it doesn't help, well, you can just quit that and try something/one else. There is no rule saying that if you start getting counselling with someone then you have to keep getting counselling with that person. Try it, and if you don't like it, don't do it any more. I don't know anything about the psychology of having an imaginary friend, but I'd've thought that it'd only be a real problem if you weren't aware it's imaginary, and/or if it starts to intrude on the rest of your life - talking to someone who isn't there when there are other people present probably isn't a good idea, for example.

[dehro]

try a theatre course
try martial arts

as for your "friends", bite their heads right off and find some better ones, both at school ('cause otherwise a big part of your day will remain miserable and it will affect your results) and out of school.

[Emperor Ing]

There's no easy way to say it - I'm really depressed and I need help fast.

I have a medical condition where, if I have artificial colours, flavours or sweeters, I go 'hyper'. This has changing effects, but it means it's really not safe to give me any.

My friends, of course, know, and this is where the problem starts. They call me 'mad' for a joke. It's a joke for them, but it hurts me. But I hide it. I don't know why... I don't know if I should get help or not. It never helps if I try, though. It just starts all over again.

This has stretched into other things. Recently, I've been called 'ginger' - I'm brunette, people! - and other times I've cried. In front of all my mates. They comfort me, say 'God you can't take a joke'... and it starts all. Over. Again.

I just hide from who I really am. I avoid other people at break and lunchtime, and I talk to myself so I won't be alone. I have an imaginary friend to combat the lonelyness. And then, people tease me because of those things.

I've got ot the stage where I am teased and mocked almost 24/7. The computer is my only retreat. Sometimes, I hide in my bedroom for hours.

The thing is... I don't try to get help, because it doesn't help. I feel that I can't go to anyone, so I just sit on this slight depression. I've destroyed hundreds of rubbers in the fight to avoid going emo. I feel guilty about what I'm doing to myself, and I stress eat in the mornings.

Recently, I started a new school, and I've made a few friends who are, in short, better friends then my old ones. I've made friends with Emily from my old school, and then there's Demi and Lottie too.

But still...

My school has a Peer Counseler system - should I go to them? Or should I go to the nurse, or a teacher? I don't want to get my mates in trouble. They're my mates. I think...

Be firm with your friends. Let them know that it does hurt. Its a lot easier said than done, I know, but a little ":smallannoyed: hey, just stop with those 'mad' jokes okay?" goes a long way.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

@ V Junior: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, and pray you don't shoot the messanger, but there are some facts I'd like to share with you. They may not cheer you up right now, but they may give you hope.

From what I can gather, you're young. I will assume several years beneath the age of 18. So the first bit of bad news I have for you is that friendships that start before 18 rarely last. Of all the people I counted as a friend when I was younger, I still speak to one, and that's when/if he finds time in his utterly insane life to make a call; a call, I might add, that is usually interrupted when he receives a request for an emergency consult. (He's a radiology oncologist, and a rather successful one at that.) People change and fade away into their own lives. Such is the way of things.

The next bit of bad news I have for you is that people who continuously hurt you are not friends. Oh, they might be wonderful people to converse with from time to time, but friends don't cause pain; they help you through it. A proper friend even makes an effort to help you avoid pain. Either your current friends start taking your health and emotional status into consideration, or you have to let them go. It may lead to a lonely existence, but that will change.

You see, the "hope part" of this is that once you leave the petty circles of high school and move on to university or employment, you will start finding new friends. These new people won't know anything about you, and you can pick and choose what to reveal. Personally, I believe in being truthful. But that doesn't mean you need to confess all of your issues to them. In time, you can, and your true friends will reveal themselves when they say, "We don't care about that stuff; we care about you."

Now, it sounds like you could use a professional to chat with. You mentioned peer concelling. Not sure what that entails, but if it's someone whom you can talk to safely, then do so. If "peer" means that it's someone around your age to chat with, check to see if there's a school psychologist you can see, as it seems actual peers haven't been much help of late.

(See the bold print in my sig for further instructions.) :smallsmile:

[V Junior]

Thank you, all of you, for your help. I thought that since there's so many nasty people in real life, you guys might be a little like that. But you're not; you're really nice, sensitive people.

But it just got worse. They... they deliberately tricked me into setting off the craziness.

My mate Meadhbh (not so much now, but...) gave Katie a creme egg. Clare had a juicy pop, and Katie took it and squeezed a little onto the egg. Then, Tom (who I really don't like) snatches the egg and the pop, and stabs the egg with the pop, and covers it with the pop!

Then, Katie gives it to me... They don't tell me what happened until I had some...

Also, Meadhbh has begun 'blanking' (ignoring) me. She won't say why to anyone.

[RabbitHoleLost]

VJ, I hope this gets to you, and gets to you fast (I've been having internet problems...)
As someone who has been in a situation similar to this, I beg you GET OUT AS SOON AS YOU CAN.
I've always been...er... "emotionally fragile", AKA I broke into tears at the slightest provocation ,and I had "friends" all through Highschool who would take advantage of this, because they found it amusing. Of course, when they weren't after such an amusement, they'd act kind enough, though this was indeed an act to keep me around. Even now that I'm away at university, I still have an occasional message from one of them to hang out or whatnot when I'm home, and I don't even respond. I know what they're after.
Some people are not nice, and those people are not your friends.

[Raistlin1040]

OK, that's just not cool. I don't know how old you are, but I'd expect that kind of behavior from 7 year olds. Anyone over that age should know that exploiting anyone's weakness or conditions (especially your friends) for fun is not cool at all.

[bluewind95]

But it just got worse. They... they deliberately tricked me into setting off the craziness.


They did WHAT?! :smallfurious: Okay, no. Those are not friends. Far, far from it. That's not just a difficult-to-deal-with behaviour. That's outright harm. Be glad that at least one of them is ignoring you. It'll make it easier for you to get away. Please do get away from those people. Trust me, a bit of loneliness is FAR better than.... THINGS like that trying to call themselves your "friends".

[Cobra_Ikari]

Thank you, all of you, for your help. I thought that since there's so many nasty people in real life, you guys might be a little like that. But you're not; you're really nice, sensitive people.

But it just got worse. They... they deliberately tricked me into setting off the craziness.

My mate Meadhbh (not so much now, but...) gave Katie a creme egg. Clare had a juicy pop, and Katie took it and squeezed a little onto the egg. Then, Tom (who I really don't like) snatches the egg and the pop, and stabs the egg with the pop, and covers it with the pop!

Then, Katie gives it to me... They don't tell me what happened until I had some...

Also, Meadhbh has begun 'blanking' (ignoring) me. She won't say why to anyone.

...yeah, I'm sorry, but those aren't friends. *hugs*

...I hope you can find some good ones. And remember, we'll always be here, too.