Dealing with a red dragon.

[CaptainSam]

Our party is just about to face our first ever dragon. In combat, not just looking at it from afar. Pretty spine-tingling, eh!

A teensy bit of background for you. For the last eleven levels, we've been bimbling around Faerun, not really knowing what we're doing. We have a Rogue, a Wizard, a Fighter/Cleric/Ranger/Windwalker, and me, the Bard (applaud now!).

So, anyway, the pesky red dragon has nicked a large glass statue of a dolphin (don't ask, it's take too long to explain), and we're a bit peeved at it. we decide the beast must die! First, though, we need supplies, and head off to the capitol city of Aglarond to go shopping.

Being a bard, I do a bit of thinking and work out that the most terrifying weapon a dragon has is it's breath. So I come up with a cunning plan. A plan so cunning it could have been thought up only by a fox that has just graduated from Cunning University with a degree in Cunning.

I look for the nearest sweet shop and commission a large goat-shaped toffee from those clever little halflings, a quick trip to an abbatoir procured me a goatskin, and a couple of coppers gets me a cart froma small child (might have been a halfling, can't tell sometimes). Meanwhile, the rogue is off buying the most potent rat poinon he can find (also from a halfling, who'da guessed!).

You can see the plan already! We put the toffeegoat on the cart, cover it in poison and the goatskin and push the cart into the cave where the dragon is cowering in fear of us. The dragon goes "yum yum!" and eats the toffegoat, thereby not only poisoning itself, but also sticking it's jaws together! Sheer genius! It was at this point, we noticed a couple of potential flaws in the plan:

1: Why would any dragon eat a toffeegoat?
2: How would we get the toffeegoat into the cave without the dragon spotting us?

Everyone else said the plan would never work, but I lugged the cart and the toffeegoat up the side of the mountain anyway. Then I noted a couple of scrolls from a previous haul:

Ventriloquism, and
Unseen Servant!

The plan could go ahead! The trap was assembled, the Servant summoned and the cart tundled into the cave. Much hilarity ensued, with me making "meeeh, meeeh," noises to impersonate a goat. Finally, the moment of truth, the dragon sees the offering. It's doubtful, confused even. I then call upon the second-most powerful bardic weapon; the Bluff roll!

"Meeeh! Eat me! Eat me! Meeeh!" Says the goat, I roll a two, making the bluff a (for me) pitiful eighteen. It's never going to work. The GM rolls for the dragon....

"Ooh! A sacrifice! Nom nom nom!" It failed! The stupid bloody dragon believed that the local village sent a talking, suicidal goat to it! Sigmund the bard enters smug mode!

Then we ran out of time, so we have to fight it next week. After a start like that, we con only succeed!

Apologies for the long post, but I just had to share that one with you all. If anyone else uses this method, please credit it with the name of the Sigmund Gambit. Cheers!

[Toliudar]

First, hilarious. Complex, whacked, and very funny.

Also lucky. Very very lucky.

If your DM gave that plan even a shot at succeeding, then he/she's up for a bit of fun, and may not be trying quite so hard to maximize the dragon's intelligence and cunning. So...should be hard but fun.

Have fun!

[Sstoopidtallkid]

The dragon only had a 14 int and a 15 wis, so given the lack of Sense Motive, the bluff was pretty much an auto-success.

Also, awesome. I'm stealing that.

[Illiterate Scribe]

It's a better idea than you think. Sugar is known to foil the blindsense of a dragon; if you can get it to eat the toffee, invisibility suddenly got a whole lot better.

[Paul H]

Hi

:smallbiggrin:

Is this plan copyrighted or can anyone use it..........................?

wonder if my GM if our GM would accept it. :smallsmile:

Good luck with the rest of it

Paul H

[Werewindlefr]

Sometimes, I wonder how they could make such a crappy D&D movie when players can come with such cool ideas. I mean, why don't they ask the players?


A toffee-loving dragon cannot be that bad, anyway. I really wonder why you keep wanting to fight it. I'd adopt a dragon like that any time.

[FlyMolo]

Sometimes, I wonder how they could make such a crappy D&D movie when players can come with such cool ideas. I mean, why don't they ask the players?

A toffee-loving dragon cannot be that bad, anyway. I really wonder why you keep wanting to fight it. I'd adopt a dragon like that any time.

Good dragon. Have a Scooby Snack Toffeegoat. Now flame the village.

Truly an excellent plan, well constructed and well told. CaptainSam's Win counter+1.

Sigmund Gambit is going to be an NPC in my campaign now, as a tribute.

[Jerthanis]

Threads like this are the reason I read D&D forums.

Epic. Win.

[BRC]

I wouldn't trust those halflings you bought the stuff from. They proably all work, through subsidaries, for Big Toffeegoat.

[Idea Man]

Should've laced the toffeegoat with Altoids-equivalent or just ray of frosted it solid. Give it an "ice-cream" headache. :smallamused:

[Chosen_of_Vecna]

The dragon only had a 14 int and a 15 wis, so given the lack of Sense Motive, the bluff was pretty much an auto-success.

Ever hear of believability modifiers for Bluff checks? If you haven't have you ever had a Bard that convinced everyone in town that their name was Luke and he was there father?

Seriously, bluffs have crazy situational modifiers of +20 for a reason. Talking suicidal Goats are one of them.

[The_Snark]

Ever hear of believability modifiers for Bluff checks? If you haven't have you ever had a Bard that convinced everyone in town that their name was Luke and he was there father?

Seriously, bluffs have crazy situational modifiers of +20 for a reason. Talking suicidal Goats are one of them.

That's what Glibness is for.

"Your faithful bodyguard was planning to assassinate you in your sleep, Your Evilness—we had to kill him! He had a talisman that would kill you and only you if you so much as looked at it; we're about to dispose of it now, so you should turn around and cover your eyes."

[Crowheart]

Man, I hope he replies soon.

I wanna know how things went! -.-;

[Chosen_of_Vecna]

That's what Glibness is for.

"Your faithful bodyguard was planning to assassinate you in your sleep, Your Evilness—we had to kill him! He had a talisman that would kill you and only you if you so much as looked at it; we're about to dispose of it now, so you should turn around and cover your eyes."

I am well aware that Bluff can become incredibly ridiculous. But in this particular example it was claimed that a +18 after the role was somehow unbeatable to a Dragon with 15 Wisdom. In any game I DMed the Dragon would succeed on a 1 since he would receive a +20 bonus to sense motive against a goat made of toffee dancing ect. Of course it wouldn't be an issue since I don't treat my Dragons as retards so I would actually play on the Int, the Spellcraft checks to identify Unseen Servant and the Spot check all of which the Dragon can make.

[InkEyes]

I am well aware that Bluff can become incredibly ridiculous. But in this particular example it was claimed that a +18 after the role was somehow unbeatable to a Dragon with 15 Wisdom. In any game I DMed the Dragon would succeed on a 1 since he would receive a +20 bonus to sense motive against a goat made of toffee dancing ect. Of course it wouldn't be an issue since I don't treat my Dragons as retards so I would actually play on the Int, the Spellcraft checks to identify Unseen Servant and the Spot check all of which the Dragon can make.

That would hold water if this thread were about how different DMs would run such an encounter. As it is, this is just a thread about a really awesome plan to take down a dragon. Sometimes DMs just feel the need to encourage that kind of creative thought by letting the PC's succeed in their crazy schemes now and again. Arguing the mechanics now won't change what happened. We don't know if they succeeded. With an immunity to poison and a poor roll from the PCs, the dragon could just be faking it.

[SamTheCleric]

Well, do they have confirmation that the bait was actually taken... or is the dragon setting up a trap of his own...

Dragon: "Oh, this talking toffee goat is soooo good... I can't believe they are actully stupid enough to think I'll fall for this, so hard to find good adventurers these days... So good. Mmm, it tastes like a little slice of heaven... They do realize that I breathe fire, right? I mean, they expect toffee to withstand jets of flame exhaled from a dragon? I sure hope the villagers bring me more of these magical talking candy goats... I'm going to burn the village down on principle."

[Triaxx]

I loved that. Personally my choice would have been Animate Any Object.

[FlyMolo]

Well, do they have confirmation that the bait was actually taken... or is the dragon setting up a trap of his own...

Dragon: "Oh, this talking toffee goat is soooo good... I can't believe they are actully stupid enough to think I'll fall for this, so hard to find good adventurers these days... So good. Mmm, it tastes like a little slice of heaven... They do realize that I breathe fire, right? I mean, they expect toffee to withstand jets of flame exhaled from a dragon? I sure hope the villagers bring me more of these magical talking candy goats... I'm going to burn the village down on principle."

Of course, now I want an intellectual sort of dragon in my campaign. Trouble is, there's no room. I've got an undead Dragon(the trope, not the scaly kind), some homebrewed fun planned, and maybe a psionic BBEG. No room for a big scary dragon!

[CaptainSam]

My GM (and also my better half) wishes me to point out that this campaign involves nearly all the trickster gods of Faerun. It is by far a serious campaign.

She would also like it pointed out that red dragons aren't the wisest of dragons. If it wasn't for the fact that this particular dragon is arrogant and vain, expecting sacrifices and so forth, the Sigmund Gambit probably wouldn't have worked. Just because it's a toffeegoat doesn't make it any less of a sacrifice. I had plans to become known as "That Bard With The Massive Toffee." It was also a very pretty goat with long eyelashes and stuff. What dragon could refuse a sacrifice like that! It was a great sacrifice to me! There were a lot of NPC's telling the party to not let me talk to it as I would have ended up as Crispy Fried Bard.

My GM would also like to point out that the dragon rolled a 1 on it's sense motive. It is a very arrogant dragon, it expects everyone to be scared of it.

As a further repetition, she would like to point out that it is a COMEDY campaign.

Anyway, we'll have to wait until next Monday to see what happened. If the poison-toffeegoat didn't work, our rogue is going to spiderclimb onto the cave roof and shoot the dragon in the ear with a crossbow bolt coated in poison. Poison, I might add, that has been bought from the halflings who got it from some sea elves. We don't know what the poison does, the halflings didn't know what the poison does, they traded it for a barrel of rum. The sea elves weren't sure if it came from a plant or an animal, neither were the halflings.

It is possible that we could become Crispy Fried Party in the very near future.

So, in the spirit of the campaign and the post, to those of you arguing the rules and stuff.....

nyah nyah nyah!!! :tongue:

[GoC]

While fun it's still mechanicaly infeasable. And we all know it's rules first then fun!:smalltongue:

[Kol Korran]

so refreshing seeing posts not dealing with "is this broken/ the perfect build for/..."

as lord of my realm (so i'm delirious, who cares? do you care Mr Elephant?) i heartily applaud your amusing tale! all the bards, tellers and entertainers of the land shall go at once to spread the tail far and wide! (riding trained juggling Forminas!) Sigmund's Gambit shall be told to the young, to encourage them to play more creativly, to the goat shepereds, so they'll know that someone realy appreciate their work, and of course, to toffee monster under the bridge, for giving up it's... um... bodily functions.

So CaptainSam, do come again, and tell us more of your amusing anecdotes! of halflings and dragons, poisons and daring baits, but most of all- of good spirit, and what sounds like a bloody awesome fun campaign!

ok, gotta go now, the people in the wall are getting testy. time to feed them (don't you hate it when they nag? i swear!).

seriously- thanks, and i'd realy like to hear more (as i'm sure others do as well...)

[CaptainSam]

Dear Mr Kol and Mr GoC (presuming you're Mr's, you can never be too sure on teh intarwebs),

Thank you for your kind words. I feel that sometimes there's too much seriousness in the world and we all need to be cheered up with a bit of light-heartedness.

More stories? You want more? Are you mad? Oh wait, you have people living in your walls, of course you're mad. I will point out that most of these stories are told from the bard's point of view because that's who I'm playing and I'm the storyteller and I'm the best...nyar nyar.

*ahem* Well, there were these drow, you see, and they were being nasty to a small, defenceless village (more about the village later). Anyway, these eeeveeel denizens of the Underdark (which all bards hate, by the way. A place where you have to be quiet? Inconceivable!) were popping up and stealing the poor miners' rubies. The miners' job was hard enough since we had passed through and stolen their shovels as a form of "shovel tax" earlier in the day (completely forgot about that until just now).

Anyhoo, we, the party, that is (we still don't have a name for our group. Just as well, it makes it harder for the Church of Helm to track us down...long story), decide we should help these poor, defenceless villagers with their vermin problem. As an aside, we could also settle a long-running arguement; are Drow black all the way through, like a stick of rock?

"Drow?" We say, "No problemo! When do they attack?" Well, obviously the answer is at night since noone's invented sunglasses and SPF 4,000,000 yet. We come up with the cunning plan of leaving a pile of "red rocks" (yeah, the villagers were that dumb) in a clearing in the woods and ambush the hell out of the nefarious night-stalkers! Easy-peasy.

However, we took so long setting up the trap, and made so much noise, we were counter-ambushed by the drow. Oops!

So, to recap, it's night, there are drow, and they can see better in the dark than us. It was time for a spur-of-the-moment flash of inspiration! Sigmund, the bard (that's me, folks!) turns to the ranger, says,

"Give me an arrow," casts light on it, a simple cantrip. He then hands it back to her, she shoots a drow with it. Hey presto! One instantly illuminated battle zone! What we didn't count on was the drow going "Eeek!" like a bunch of little girls and chopping the the illuminated one into chutney.

From that point on, it was a cake-walk. We shot them with lighted arrows. Them, being stoopid, low-level males on their first foray into the scarey upper-worlds, would chop the light to pieces.

Sigmund had his first experience of smug-mode that day.

Now, before all you rules-lawyers go, "Wah wah wah! That's not how the drow are! They wouldn't do that!" I would like to point out a couple of things:

1. The GM (she's luverly. Have to say that, contractual obligations), decided that they were rubbish drow.
2. They didn't have a girl along to tell them what to do.
3. It was really, really funny!

So, having mopped up the last of the drow, we return to the Village Where We Live (yes, that's it's name) victorious! We didn't need to tell the villagers that over half the drow casualties were due to "friendly stab" incidents.

We even gave the shovels back...eventually.

Then there's our ongoing saga with pack animals. But it's late and I have work in the morning.

[Triaxx]

Hmm... Pack Animal problems. Temple of Helm after you... I smell Donkey Show.:smallamused: :smallbiggrin: