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GammaPaladin
2008-03-25, 12:57 PM
What do you think are the most terrifying words a GM can say when running a game?

Personally I think Champions has the most terrifying possibility:
"Combat phase one. Villain acts."

Mr. Friendly
2008-03-25, 12:59 PM
*arbitrary die rolls behind screen*
*big smile*
"You are absolutely certain that your meal isn't poisoned"
*bigger smile*

Duke of URL
2008-03-25, 01:00 PM
"Everybody, tell me exactly where your character is and what he's doing, and roll initiative."

Darkantra
2008-03-25, 01:08 PM
"For this game my NPCs can use the diplomacy rules on you."

Ascension
2008-03-25, 01:10 PM
I personally think "Make a spot/listen check." followed by silence is the worst thing you can hear... or rather, not hear, as the case may be.

SamTheCleric
2008-03-25, 01:10 PM
"Roll for initiative."

Sofaking
2008-03-25, 01:10 PM
"For this game my NPCs can use the diplomacy rules on you."

HAHA! QFT!

LongVin
2008-03-25, 01:13 PM
"Hey, can you roll your <skill> for me?"
*rolls* "I got a <number>. Why?"
"hmm...Don't worry about it."
"Uh..what was the roll for?"
"Don't worry it's not important." *DM makes some rolls*

elliott20
2008-03-25, 01:14 PM
"hey guys, I just got these new books with these new rules in them. I so wanna give them a try"

Hadrian_Emrys
2008-03-25, 01:15 PM
I don't think my players ever really listened to me after the first session I ran. They just stared REALLY hard at my face, looking for signs of a sadistic look in my eye or that subtle lift on the right side of my mouth. Something like this actually: :smallamused:

Xuincherguixe
2008-03-25, 01:19 PM
"For the next part of the game, there will be no violence."

Mauril Everleaf
2008-03-25, 01:19 PM
This one was from a session just a few days ago.
"Heh, if you screw this up, you are going to hate me."
This was followed by the characters bickering behind a door for 6 rounds.

The second worst was from the last session: "You weren't supposed to have killed him..." It was the commander of our cleric's army.

Lairship
2008-03-25, 01:19 PM
"The dragon is in season."

Armoury99
2008-03-25, 01:21 PM
Personally I'd go with the "are you sure?" question that tradditionally means 'you're insane, but now at least I've warned you' - the dread is usually confined to other PCs in the (sometimes literal) blast radius.

I also regularly borrow my favourite quote from Knights of the Dinner Table, which is "Saving throws are a crutch for the weak." (thank you Wierd Pete)

My all time favourite from a player-point of view was when I was playing Elric! a few years ago, with a GM who brings new meaning to the words Low Fantasy. Having stolen cabbages to survive in a previous game, he was keen to point out that his new campaign would be more High Fantasy... After one of the characters ended up in prison for a few weeks he proudly proclaimed his High Fantasy credencials by saying: "I didn't even roll to see if the guards sexually abused you during your stay."

And he was being serious.

Azerian Kelimon
2008-03-25, 01:24 PM
Of course, the worst thing to hear actually isn't heard. Rather, it's seen: A Gigantic Cheshire Cat smile. While a sadistic smile tells you that it's gonna hurt, the cheshire cat smile tells you the DM is planning something truly malevolent.

gm_rand
2008-03-25, 01:25 PM
“Hmm I'm out of minatures and have used all my dice as well. I'll be right back with some tin foil.”

Telonius
2008-03-25, 01:26 PM
I'll second "Are you sure?"

"Does anyone have any extra minis?" is a close second.

The Rose Dragon
2008-03-25, 01:27 PM
"You win the game. Congratulations."

That evokes the following reaction from the players:

"You mean we'll have to wait until you prepare a new game? That sucks."

Ganurath
2008-03-25, 01:27 PM
"Make a Bluff check."
"Hah! I rolled a 19!"
"..."
"What?"
"..."
"WHAT IS IT?"

Glawackus
2008-03-25, 01:28 PM
Really, 'roll for initiative' is pretty hard to beat.

Sir Enigma
2008-03-25, 01:32 PM
"Well, that's amusing" after making dice rolls

Ganurath
2008-03-25, 01:35 PM
Really, 'roll for initiative' is pretty hard to beat."I'm sick."

The Gilded Duke
2008-03-25, 01:36 PM
In this situation I'm going to house rule that...

-

I really hate unannounced and undocumented house rules, especially ones made up on the fly. I think that it is one of the worst things that can happen in a game.

Sstoopidtallkid
2008-03-25, 01:38 PM
"Oops", during combat, right after a NPC gave a prophecy that the one currently fighting had to be present at a certain event in order to save the world, was pretty dread-inducing. (turned out, he'd just critted and rolled 98 on the percentiles to confirm. Not fun)

Number 6
2008-03-25, 01:39 PM
This is Shirley, our new player. She's also my girlfreind.

Rutee
2008-03-25, 01:45 PM
"The DM's girlfriend" isn't really that bad. Though I'm used to Nerd Couples so there you go.

I'm going to say, in general terms, that big grins are the worst communication signals a GM can ever give. In specific game terms, well.

"Let me explain to you about the Kukla.."

Duke of URL
2008-03-25, 01:46 PM
This is Shirley, our new player. She's also my girlfreind.

You win the thread.

Ecalsneerg
2008-03-25, 01:58 PM
It's not really a phase, but my DM has two tubs of figures. One is the 'safe' Malteasers tub, containing Medium/Small critters. We use it every session, due to general low-levelness.

So, we're in trouble when the whisky container of Large upwards figures comes out...

sonofzeal
2008-03-25, 02:04 PM
DM-who-strongly-believes-in-dice-mojo: "*eye twitch* Hang on, I'm going to need my pewters for this."

Squash Monster
2008-03-25, 02:19 PM
That gives me an idea.

spotmarkedx
2008-03-25, 02:26 PM
[after some sorting of dice]"Hey, does anyone have some extra d6s that I can borrow?"

Godna
2008-03-25, 02:28 PM
My favorite

*rolls dices*
*checks papers*
*rolls more dice*
*search in book or notes*
*evil grin*
ooh hoo hoo this is gonna be fun
Roll a _____ check

Chronos
2008-03-25, 02:32 PM
I personally think "Make a spot/listen check." followed by silence is the worst thing you can hear... or rather, not hear, as the case may be.It could be worse... It could be followed by "<Player>, what's your Will save again?"

I heard tell of one fellow on here who did this a few times with his players, and after a while, asked one of the players to step outside the room with him. Whereupon he explained that he wasn't rolling the dice for any particular reason, but he was going to stop now, and don't tell the other players.

Falrin
2008-03-25, 02:38 PM
"What are these Tuckers kobolds everyone is talking about. I realy should check this out.

"I feel the monk is a little overpowered. Should i nerf him or just give the Druid a better animal companion?"

" With a mighty blow the shining knight smites the final goblin, saving the day. He sheads his flaming, briljant, +6 greatsword and dismounts his celestial, warbeasts unicorn. I'm Sir S. 'theshow' Teal, he proclaims in a loud voice, and you sir should stop asking rewards from these poor farmers, I'll accompany you to look after you and make sure you follow the plot do good deeds. " Insert hour long explenation about motives and abilities.

"I bought ToB/BoVD/Draconomicon."

Proven_Paradox
2008-03-25, 02:43 PM
"That is a Rust Monster."

Indon
2008-03-25, 02:45 PM
Earlier editions of D&D - "So, are you wearing a helmet?"

Vortling
2008-03-25, 02:48 PM
"I don't care about your fun. In my game players need to make their own fun." A GM said this to me once. I left the game soon afterwards.

Hadrian_Emrys
2008-03-25, 02:51 PM
"The panicked goblin lights the cluster of fuses-"

Drascin
2008-03-25, 02:52 PM
Some of the things that have freaked out my players lately...

"Oh, don't worry, make your character as brutal as you wish, barring Pun-Pun levels. You're gonna need it" :smallamused:

"Hoo, boy. Gonna need more dice... hey, Sete, can you lend me about a dozen of yours?"

*roll* "Innnnnteresting..." :smallbiggrin:

"And the big door crashes, and forth comes a very big arachnid... you all played Metroid Prime, right?" (yes, I have used a Metroid Prime in my game. You tell me a more fitting enemy for the ultimate creation of a cabal of high-level daelkyr worshippers :smalltongue:)

"Well, yeah, you did kill him, I guess..." :smallamused: (they already know that kind of evasive means "yup, he's back by now, and plotting your demise". Given we're talking about a pretty powerful cleric who hates their guts, this was enough to have them burst into full-on Paranoia Mode)

Accersitus
2008-03-25, 03:05 PM
In this situation I'm going to house rule that...

-

I really hate unannounced and undocumented house rules, especially ones made up on the fly. I think that it is one of the worst things that can happen in a game.

Then you also have the situation where a player finds a too nice combo of spells
or feats, and instead of saying no, or making a house rule about it. The DM is
looking over his notes mumbling about how his encounters can use it
to totally wipe the PCs. It works quite well to prevent power gamers :smallamused:

loves_to_laugh
2008-03-25, 03:06 PM
As of lately, the phrases have been:

"Hmm... I'm gonna need more dice."

*sharp inhale of breath almost sounding like a sssss...*
followed by "Ooo... Don't hate me..."

More recently, "Can I borrow some paper?" Now our dm will cut out shape to be the huge and bigger creatures but he always needs to borrow paper for it.

Eldariel
2008-03-25, 03:11 PM
"Clouds are starting to form above..."

Paul H
2008-03-25, 03:12 PM
Hi

1) Players just sat down, still getting their character sheets/minis out.. "Roll for initiative."

2) Players just expended all their spells & badly hurt killing what they thought was end level big monster. As they start to organise watches for rest. "Roll for iniative.."

3) Party of all fighter types sit down & GM announces.."This will be an investigative mod with little or no combat.."

4) Large (heavily buffed) bad guy swings at party arcanist with a Scythe & GM asks.... "Does AC 39 confirm..."? :smallyuk:

5) Only party fighter asked to make high will save when facing either group of Umber Hulks or a Vampire Lord.

Just a few off the top of my head. 4th one tends to be conversation stopper.

Cheers
Paul H

metalbear
2008-03-25, 03:29 PM
Grins and says "Make a spot check", chuckles to himself, you can no longer hear anything, and this is followed up by me being sneaked up upon by Yaun ti.

SuperMuldoon
2008-03-25, 04:00 PM
"You don't find any traps"

Draz74
2008-03-25, 04:09 PM
"You were supposed to get the pizza tonight, right?"

"The NPC casts Mordenkainen's Disjunction."

DementedFellow
2008-03-25, 04:11 PM
Gelatinous Cube.

Enguhl
2008-03-25, 04:18 PM
I'm a big fan of kobolds, and thusly traps. So for my players there are two phrases they dread more than anything.

"The hallway looks safe."
or
"Sorry guys, [rogue] just called and said they can't make it."

JamesHowlett
2008-03-25, 04:24 PM
Two rounds into combat with the BBEG who's attacking the cleric:

*DM rolls*

*DM winces*

"The Bard and Druid have healing spells right?" :smalleek:

Corlis
2008-03-25, 04:30 PM
*rolls*
"heh..."
*rolls again*
"...mwehehehehe..."
*rolls yet again*
"...ahahahahaha..."
*rolls one last time"
"....BWAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Alternatively:

"Think the copy shop is still open? I only have one blank character sheet for you..."

FinalJustice
2008-03-25, 04:32 PM
Player: "Ok, +30 to identify the dragon's spell, what's it?"
DM: *grims* "Mordenkainen Disjunction"
(Actually happened to me)

"As it breathes, all the metal in the way is turned into dust, it's, without doubt, a Rust Dragon"
(Again, happened to me and I was a half dragon dwarf fighter inside loads of adamantium)

an kobold
2008-03-25, 04:33 PM
Universally:

"Um . . .how much hp do you have again?"
"So, anyone feels like trying out Elder Evils?"

The following two apply only to the Iron Kingdoms setting, both have been experienced personally :smallfrown: .

"As the train comes to a halt, you hear a yipping sound coming from the woods. A pack of doglike animals emerges, a few of them with blackish stains around their snouts. They all appear to be making it towards the powder car."

"While you are talking to the guildsman about the fee for your latest job, you notice from the corner of your eye that the mechanic you hired is finally tending to your warjack. He rummages through his tool box before taking out two skull shaped lanterns, clearly intending to hang them on the shoulders. . ."

Admiral Squish
2008-03-25, 04:33 PM
Gelatinous Cube.

Oh, god, my DM is absolutely in LOVE with them. I fought three in the last campaign, and it was only a level one campaign! Of course, we all had great scores, and he gave us tons of magic items, but it was still rather unpleasant. I think he's going to be stingier and try designing for intelligent characters next time.

The_Werebear
2008-03-25, 04:35 PM
*rolls some dice* "Huh... That's going to be interesting.

"So, is that what you guys are doing/saying?" Usually said right after we make some comments/suggestions for actions of dubious OOCness, followed by everyone at the table frenzying to change actions.

RTGoodman
2008-03-25, 04:38 PM
This is Shirley, our new player. She's also my girlfreind.

Yeah, I'll second that.That's happened to me twice, campaigns going down the tubes soon after in both cases.

Also

Rogue: Alright, I use Disable Device. <Rolls natural 1>
DM: Oh. Um. Where exactly is everyone standing?
Players: By the door on the other side of the room.
Rogue: :smalleek:

Azerian Kelimon
2008-03-25, 04:41 PM
Rogue: Alright, I use Disable Device. <Rolls natural 1>
DM: Oh. Um. Where exactly is everyone standing?
Players: By the door on the other side of the room.
Rogue: :smalleek:

To quote The Emperor's new groove: BOOM, BABY!

Cruiser1
2008-03-25, 04:45 PM
My group enjoys combat, so "everyone roll initiative" is usually met with excitement instead of apprehension. The following however does induce dread:

"Make a Fortitude save." (Negative levels, ability damage, death effects, nothing is worse than failing a Fort save.)
"Ooh, that is so cool! I didn't know they could do that." (DM with his nose in MM during combat.)

Gorbash Kazdar
2008-03-25, 04:45 PM
"Now, where did I put that critical hits table?"

Animefunkmaster
2008-03-25, 04:50 PM
"You think he is telling the truth"

The_Snark
2008-03-25, 04:54 PM
Any time the DM takes what seems like unusual interest in seemingly mundane actions is rather ominous, but I'll have to second the phrase "Okay, make a Will save." Especially when you aren't in combat. Is your mind being read? Are you being dominated? Did you just pick up a cursed sword? (I distinctly remember nearly killing a party member on a failed Will save against a particularly nasty cursed weapon. Figures that I was the cleric, rolled a natural 1, and was standing next to the poor-Con sorceror...)

(... in retrospect, we really should have known better than to touch a weapon that was chained to the wall.)

Animefunkmaster
2008-03-25, 04:58 PM
"You think he is telling the truth"

Edit: sorry for my laaaaggggyyyy double post.

horseboy
2008-03-25, 05:00 PM
"You're in a bar."
Either the players are about to burn down the town, or something extremely random is about to happen to us.

Kurald Galain
2008-03-25, 05:05 PM
I agree with "Are you sure you want to do that?"

Or, the worse form, "You're doing what?!"

marthais
2008-03-25, 05:10 PM
"That? Oh, that was his bodyguard..."
"Oooo...no [Reflex] save?" (I play a very high dex rogue)
"Can you *points at cleric* tell me your health please?"
"Anyone got a calculator?"

Just a few...
You may want to check this out: www.karmakaze.org/flw
~Marthais

Number 6
2008-03-25, 05:13 PM
This is Shirley, our new player. She's also my girlfreind.

I don't mean to say that women make bad players. I just had a bad experience with a person who was sleeping with the DM who go everything he wanted, including some of my stuff.

The_Snark
2008-03-25, 05:20 PM
"You think he is telling the truth"

Oh, that's a good one. Nothing like that for inspiring paranoia.

KillianHawkeye
2008-03-25, 05:34 PM
In my most recent game:

"They all four jump out of the water and use their breath weapons. Yes, they have breath weapons."

Sanzh
2008-03-25, 05:39 PM
"I believe you're forgetting something."
This was said by my DM in our Star Wars campaign when I entered the Kessel system. In a stolen TIE Fighter.
Needless to say, I got intercepted by around 4 Star Destroyers. We kinda rewound the game from there to prevent total annihilation.

AslanCross
2008-03-25, 05:40 PM
A tossup between "Are you sure?" and "You do not see anything."

senrath
2008-03-25, 05:45 PM
"Alright, I let my dad design this dungeon."

While for most people that might not sound scary, but while the difficulty of his campaigns comes from him overestimating our abilities, his dad is known for actively trying to kill each and every player within about 5 minutes of in-game time. And this is done through various stupid, inane, silly, or otherwise groan inducing ways. *twitches* so...many...cats...

Roythebattousai
2008-03-25, 06:10 PM
DM- "You know, I think you guys should roll new characters."

Us- "Nah, this is fine."

DM- "...Okay, so you find yourself in front of a hungry Tarrasque."

...Eh?
2008-03-25, 06:16 PM
"Rocks fall."

Prometheus
2008-03-25, 06:32 PM
"It hits, roll three Fortitude saves"
Poisonous Diseased Swarms are fun for everyone.

"What's your hp?"
My catch phrase when I think I accidentally killed a PC.

Paul H
2008-03-25, 07:10 PM
Hi

One that happened to my 9th lvl char, being targeted by Enervating Ray:
"Does AC xx Touch confirm"?

Yep, it did. Played rest of that combat as 2nd lvl char. :smalleek:

Cheers
Paul H

Enzario
2008-03-25, 07:23 PM
"What's your <insert random, highly important number here>?"

followed closely by

"What? Oh, no reason. Just making sure."

"I made my own snacks today!" (no, seriously, this was really scary)

"You know what, I'm gonna let you guys gain three levels right before you go into the room."

shadow_archmagi
2008-03-25, 07:35 PM
A few I've uttered on more than one occasion
"Wait, why would you- oh. Oops."
(players just did the EXACT opposite of my plan and went the most dangerous route possible)

"Actually, if you'll READ THE DESCRIPTION..."
(comically followed by "What the hell! Daylight doesn't kill vampires!? Well thats a wasted spell slot. Run mike!)

expirement10K14
2008-03-25, 07:47 PM
So you epic warriors think your so tough? Eat a pack of epic rust monsters.



Our party was so stunned it took five minutes to roll initiative. That was an evil, evil adventure indeed.

Copacetic
2008-03-25, 07:51 PM
*DM cracks knuckles*
DM: "Okay Gentlemen, this dungeon should be intresting. I was inspired while creating it."
Players: " By what? Barney? Finding Nemo? "All you need is Love" by the Beatles?"
DM: "Nope, The Tomb of Horrors."
Players: *Wordless Scream*

shaddy_24
2008-03-25, 09:39 PM
I just like the malevolent laugh. It makes them jump every time. Same with the random rolls, followed by "oh my. Interesting..."

Collin152
2008-03-25, 09:44 PM
"Good news everyone!"

Brauron
2008-03-25, 10:19 PM
"Please make a Sanity check."

Hadrian_Emrys
2008-03-25, 10:21 PM
"You see a white bunny hop out of the cave."

kirbsys
2008-03-25, 10:32 PM
How many hitpoints do you have again?

TheCountAlucard
2008-03-25, 10:43 PM
(after the highest-level member of the party attempts to turn an undead monster)

"It snickers."

RTGoodman
2008-03-25, 10:45 PM
"Good news everyone!"

Since I started watching Futurama in the past two months or so, I've been planning on starting the next session I DM with that. :smallbiggrin:


Also, another from earlier tonight.

DM: "Alright, that'll be... seven attacks of opportunity."
Wizard: :smalleek:

[Note to self: If I ever play a Wizard and am confronted by a 7-headed Hydra, I will not get within melee range of it, even if it's to polymorph the Warblade into a shark. Also, I will not polymorph the Warblade into a shark - it's not a good choice when fighting a freakin' Hydra.]

The_JJ
2008-03-25, 10:49 PM
"So... who has Aware?" (I use a pretty obscure version where, to reduce paperwork, a lot of skills are just replaced by feats. Aware is the Listen/spot equivlent)

"Ahem... so what order are you walking in?"

*snort, giggle, snicker* "REALLY?"
other players "NO!"
player "Hell yes!"
gm "Oh god, this is fun."
Other players: *grab new charactor sheets*

Zeful
2008-03-25, 10:50 PM
"Good news everyone!"

This is the worst thing any DM can say to players. It's always heralded by something bad happening.

Collin152
2008-03-25, 11:06 PM
This is the worst thing any DM can say to players. It's always heralded by something bad happening.

So... do I win?

Paragon Badger
2008-03-25, 11:17 PM
"Roll a- Oh wait.. This one doesn't force a save."

Stycotl
2008-03-25, 11:21 PM
i will admit that i take in excessive amount of pleasure in making the players sweat. i make them roll random skill checks and saving throws that do not actually have anything to do with anything, then writing the 'results' down on my notepaper. and the occasional quiet, overly amused smile seems to get some good mileage as well.

RandomLunatic
2008-03-26, 12:35 AM
"Will save."

*After rollimng some dice*
"Ew."

"You do not think/see/hear anything out of the ordinary."

And one that really works, 'cuz I was there:
"He had a Clone."

Draz74
2008-03-26, 01:27 AM
"Now, where did I put that critical hits table?"

Worse: "Now, where did I put that critical fumbles table?"

(Especially after you roll a natural 1, obviously.)

Talic
2008-03-26, 01:30 AM
"You see the illusionist 60 feet ahead of you."

...or...

"So, I was toying around with building an advancement progression for the tarrasque."

...or...

"Encounters in this campaign will be Status Quo, rather than balanced to character level."

turkishproverb
2008-03-26, 01:43 AM
"Rocks fall, everyone dies"

when he does this seriously, its one of the great indicators of a bad gamer.


another would be "Make me leave." (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=23784)

Kekken
2008-03-26, 01:44 AM
"For this game my NPCs can use the diplomacy rules on you."

Although I agree that NPC diplomacy shouldn't be able to railroad PCs into anything, a good player should at least take into account that the NPC in question is quite likeable, even the DM cannot exactly bring that across as well.

After all, I may not be the smoothest, sweet-talker in the world, but that doesn't mean that I can't have NPCs that are.

TheOOB
2008-03-26, 01:47 AM
"You hear a loud whistling sound ringing in your ears"

Haikiah
2008-03-26, 02:03 AM
Most dread inducing thing our GM ever used to say:
"Can I borrow all of your dice for a moment?"

leperkhaun
2008-03-26, 02:11 AM
DM: Roll me a D20.
Player: i got a 11
DM: ok
::DM grins::

Quietus
2008-03-26, 04:23 AM
"Looks clear!" Used by my co-DM on Vethedar and myself any time people are looking for traps, whether there's nothing to find or simply nothing they noticed. Not exactly earth-shaking fear, but I know from being subject to it that in person, that line, delivered properly, can bring a twinge to the stomach.

I think the most I've ever seen someone concerned, though, was in the last game I ran. I've got a giant wooden face carved out of a wall, with a riddle underneath it. The face is made to look like it's screaming, and there's a switch in the back of its throat. Successfully solving the riddle tells you how to safely flick the switch. Attempting to put anything into this thing's mouth causes it to immediately bite down (Treating it as a Huge creature for terms of damage, and that 2d6+7 smashes objects pretty well. Also, since the players are first level...). One of my players decided to stack up a lot of books in the corners of its mouth to try and prevent it from closing on his arm, and was going to reach in. My explanation of what would follow was as such :

"Alright, then what I'm going to do is roll THIS d20 when you reach your arm in. This is a strength check to simply smash the books. If I succeed - and I likely will - then you'll have a reflex save to get your arm out of there. Fail the save, lose the arm."

Normally I roll the dice off to the side, so that the players can't see what I'm doing. This being the player doing something stupid, I instead leaned forward ready to roll on the table, so the player would know I wasn't fudging anything. The hesitation he showed was wonderful.

Sstoopidtallkid
2008-03-26, 04:27 AM
"I'm gonna make up a results table for you guys"
This is the prelude to him asking for a d20 roll from whoever is feeling the luckiest, when our own abilities won't plausibly influence the outcome. They have ended up with a 15% chance of TPK on an untrained navigation check, with about a 40% chance of major consequences and rolling a second time. We've grown to dislike tables.

Ashtar
2008-03-26, 04:44 AM
"Are you really sure you want to do... that?"

Is usually sufficient to send my players into endless paranoia trips...

GammaPaladin
2008-03-26, 04:53 AM
I think I should clarify my first post, for those who've never played Champions. See... It's a superhero game. So they had to take into account super speed. So, instead of each player having one turn per round... There are basically 10 turn phases in each round. Most characters will only get to act on 3 or 4 or those phases. Acting on phase one means a character has a maxed out speed, and will act on every single phase.

Speedsters in Champions are scary It's like being up against someone who gets the effects of time stop for free every single round. And sane DMs usually limit player access to super speed.

So when the DM says the BBEG acts on phase one, you tend to see stunned, terrified players ;)

Tengu
2008-03-26, 05:00 AM
This is Shirley, our new player. She's also my girlfreind.


"I feel the monk is a little overpowered. Should i nerf him or just give the Druid a better animal companion?"

" With a mighty blow the shining knight smites the final goblin, saving the day. He sheads his flaming, briljant, +6 greatsword and dismounts his celestial, warbeasts unicorn. I'm Sir S. 'theshow' Teal, he proclaims in a loud voice, and you sir should stop asking rewards from these poor farmers, I'll accompany you to look after you and make sure you follow the plot do good deeds. " Insert hour long explenation about motives and abilities.


"Rocks fall, everyone dies"

when he does this seriously, its one of the great indicators of a bad gamer.


another would be "Make me leave." (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=23784)



Couldn't agree more with these. Also...

"From now on we're going retro *pulls out some obscure first edition DND-ripoff game*".

"Time to play the game darker and edgier."

"I hate paladins - stupid self-righteous jerks."

"<npc> rapes your character." (especially when said to a female player)

"Your character wouldn't do that, s/he is a <class/race/gender>."

"In my game I houseruled it to work different. I didn't tell you before? Well, I tell you now."

"Because I said so."

Sstoopidtallkid
2008-03-26, 05:04 AM
"From now on we're going retro *pulls out some obscure first edition DND-ripoff game*".Has it's good points.
"Time to play the game darker and edgier."See above.
"<npc> rapes your character." (especially when said to a female player)If the player is okay with that, it can be an excellent tool for development and roleplaying.

The others are bad, but these have at least some situations where they're a benefit to the game.

Tengu
2008-03-26, 05:10 AM
It's bad if the GM does so without consulting with the players first (and without them agreeing). Although, to be just, so would be going the other side without doing so.

Also:

"You want to play a role? This is a game about killing monsters!"

"Who needs balance in a roleplaying game? Stop being such a powergamer!"

Khanderas
2008-03-26, 05:10 AM
"Roll a- Oh wait.. This one doesn't force a save."
You mean
"Roll a- Oh wait... This one doesn't allow a save

Rift_Wolf
2008-03-26, 05:21 AM
Our DM always asks "You sure?" before any potential character death. One time he asked when we said the whole party was moving together down a corridor (All within the area of a cave-in), another time he asked when a Scout 8 tried to solo a dire tiger, which went something like this;
Scout: "I levitate 20ft up and shoot."
DM: "Okay, the tiger leaps up 5ft..."
Scout: "I'm 20ft up"
DM: "I stand on my back legs and have 5ft reach, give me a grapple check"

DrowVampyre
2008-03-26, 05:23 AM
"Make a will save." is always good, yeah.

"How many HP do you have?" No, that's not the scary one...the one ym DM liked to use was "How many HP did you have?"

The worst though isn't said. It's when you declare an action, especially one that sounds perfectly reasonable, and all you get in reply is a long, expressionless stare... :smalleek:

JBento
2008-03-26, 05:51 AM
"Roll Init - oh, wait, you don't have to, this guy has Greater Celerity. And Time Stop."

Mordokai
2008-03-26, 06:10 AM
"<npc> rapes your character." (especially when said to a female player)

I can see why that would be a problem :smallyuk: However, as someone mentioned before, this can turn into great roleplaying opportunity. But if it's railroaded... Lets say there isn't a deity powerful enought to save the DM.

Personaly, I always dreaded the :smallbiggrin: and :smallamused: smiles that come from DM. And the "Are you sure about that?" is a gut wrenching too.

senrath
2008-03-26, 06:50 AM
"Because I said so."

Actually, I have to break that out quite often. I have one player in particular who doesn't seem to understand who the DM is. He often confronts things I do, asking why the heck they work that way, or why is such a thing happening. I explain to the best of my abilities, but he usually keeps arguing. It usually takes the "because I said so" to get him to stop.

Of course, he's a good friend, and a good player when he's not arguing.

SoD
2008-03-26, 07:02 AM
A conversation between me and my DM:

Me: OK, my turn. Rocks fall-
DM: You can't do that! That's a DM trick!
Me: -and that goblin takes 1d4 damage.



But one I love doing: ''OK, what's the marching order? *to person at back* What's your listen modifier? *roll dice* Uh-huh, and your flat footed AC? *roll dice* ...o...kaay, and can I have a fortitude save?''

Player: *stunned silence* .........what happened?

Me: Oh, nothing. Just got a bit bored.

Totally Guy
2008-03-26, 07:34 AM
"You leave the Dungeon of a Thousand Days with all the money you have amassed heading to the nearest town.

Make a spot check. You see that the children are playing tiddlywinks in the street and building toy houses out of discs.

Make another spot check as you approach, you see the children are not playing with toys they are playing with gold coins.

Make a knowledge local check. You remember that before you entered the dungeon the duke had started a new mint and has obviously created too much currency. The children are playing with money as they can't afford toys. I guess that makes your dungeon loot... fairly worthless."

Skaven
2008-03-26, 07:48 AM
The DM just bought a new set of books. You hear the dreaded words.

Okay, roll a spellcraft check. Okay, he's casting maximised(or empowered) shivering touch. Whats your touch AC?

Saph
2008-03-26, 07:59 AM
"Looks clear!" Used by my co-DM on Vethedar and myself any time people are looking for traps, whether there's nothing to find or simply nothing they noticed. Not exactly earth-shaking fear, but I know from being subject to it that in person, that line, delivered properly, can bring a twinge to the stomach.

Well, yeah, especially if you've seen Pitch Black. :)

Johns: "See anything?"
Riddick: "Looks clear."
(Johns starts to advance up the slope. A huge lethal flying monster bursts out and nearly decapitates him. The monster screams and flies off into the darkness.)
Johns: "What the ****! You said it was clear!"
Riddick: "No, I said it looks clear."
Johns: "Well, how does it look now?"
Riddick: (takes a look, turns to Johns, and grins) "Looks clear."

- Saph

Indon
2008-03-26, 08:39 AM
You remember that before you entered the dungeon the duke had started a new mint and has obviously created too much currency. The children are playing with money as they can't afford toys. I guess that makes your dungeon loot... fairly worthless."

You realize the adventurers' solution to this involves rounding up all the gold they can and then frantically crossing the world until they find a nation in which gold is still valuable. :smallwink:

KazilDarkeye
2008-03-26, 08:47 AM
"How far underground are you?"

"Whoa, you got hit by all 7 colours" (I know it's not technically possible, but if a DM did say that I reckon it would cause much dread)

"Let me just roll to see which plane you were thrown to"

Totally Guy
2008-03-26, 09:23 AM
You realize the adventurers' solution to this involves rounding up all the gold they can and then frantically crossing the world until they find a nation in which gold is still valuable. :smallwink:

That is if they are gold.

I had this whole currency system, with Human money, which were dirty coins, dwarf money which were stone axe-heads and girly flowery non-decimal gem money for the sissy elves. I spent every night for a week crafting up those coins and the group never uses them.:smallfrown:

Winterwind
2008-03-26, 09:23 AM
You can turn any sentence into the most dreaded phrase the players can expect to hear from you rather easily, really.

How? Just follow the following recipe:
1.) Take one generic villain of arbitrary power-level (ranging from slightly dangerous to godlike)
2.) Add a healthy dose of vengefulness.
3.) Mix with about 2 large spoons of sadism.
4.) Add a bit more vengefulness for good measure.
5.) Now for the main ingredient: Give the villain some unique quirk or ability that nobody else in the campaign possesses: Maybe his wounds close immediately if he gets wounded by ordinary weapons (this is good to show off his bad-assness, too), or maybe he just likes to make origami and leave it behind.
5b) If you are so inclined, spice things up by making the villain a shape-shifter, who can only be recognized by the quirk. This is optional.
5c) It is important to equip the villain with an easy means of escaping from the PCs whenever he feels like it - some inherent teleportation ability that cannot be interrupted without some very elaborate means should work just fine.
6) Have the PCs anger the villain by preventing his schemes early on. Let him have vow vengeance and disappear.
7) Wait for 6-24 months. Have the players forget about the villain.
8) Have the villain have a sudden return in which he totally screws over the PCs if they are not very wary (this is where the sadism part kicks in). Maybe he makes the PCs kill somebody whom they like by making them believe that person turned to evil (this is where shapeshifting comes in handy), or makes them help him in his new evil scheme (which succeeds).
8b) If the villain was low-powered before, use the last part to power him up to a terrifying menace.
8c) Do not forget to emphasise the villain's quirk from step 5) in the most dark, menacing context possible.
9) Make it clear the villain is out to get the PCs - possibly actively trying to not kill them, but to make their life hell (until they come closer to vanquishing him once and for all, anyway). Have him appear every now and then - not every adventure, not every two, but often enough for the PCs to never forget the danger in which they are. Do not overuse him. Have the PCs always recognize that they are currently dealing with him again by means of the quirk from step 5).
10) Congratulations, whenever you utter anything pointing towards the quirk you introduced in step 5), the players will scream/cower in fear/weep bitterly.

Nooooo, I wouldn't ever do anything so mean to my players. Like, ever. Totally. Why are you asking? :smallcool:

ColdBrew
2008-03-26, 09:43 AM
Definitely one more for "Make a Will save."

Ganurath
2008-03-26, 09:56 AM
You're probably wondering why we're playing at my neighbor's house. You see, she wanted someone to look after her cats...

Pollux
2008-03-26, 10:26 AM
"You see a floating skull... with rubies for eyes."

Eorran
2008-03-26, 10:29 AM
Similar to "you want to do what?"

Player: I take action X (Typically, something the DM did not expect)
DM: ...
Player: What?
DM: No, it's OK.

When the DM says "It's OK", that typically means it's not.

Azerian Kelimon
2008-03-26, 10:32 AM
"You see a floating skull... with rubies for eyes."

AAAAAH! ACERERAK! VADE RETRO, BITCH!

*recovers form bout of hysteria*.

Another one:

"98 point point buy, not limited to 18".

Shishnarfne
2008-03-26, 11:58 AM
"Okay, I need to talk to you for a moment... We'll be right back..."

Another example:
"Roll a Will Save"
"Uh... does a 17 make it."
<DM smile, while looking through PhB>
"What was that for?"
"Never mind."<repeat smile, scribbling notes>

(Usually, I use this for when I have the Party scried... or Dominated)

CyberKat04
2008-03-26, 12:08 PM
Personal Favorites:

"How many hitpoints do you have left?"

"You're fine as long as I don't roll a critical"

"You're fine as long as I don't roll max damage"

"I need you to fill out an index card with player and character name and save checks"

"Are you sure you want to do that?" *My fave for inducing paranoia in my players*

Ivius
2008-03-26, 12:15 PM
"Tonight we'll be trying out my new homebrew critical hit system. It makes them come a bit less often, but they count for a lot more."

kjones
2008-03-26, 02:34 PM
"Tonight we'll be trying out my new homebrew critical hit system. It makes them come a bit less often, but they count for a lot more."

Damn, you took mine.

As somebody who played AD&D with its "Hit your buddy when you fire into melee!" rules, I always dreaded, "Ok, who's in melee with <badguy> then?". This phrase usually meant that you were about to take some friendly fire.

As a DM, it tends to inspire fear when I leap up from my chair and dance about with glee, cackling madly. This will happen a few times a session, and it generally precedes somebody getting reamed.

Quxelopqr
2008-03-26, 03:01 PM
I'm a fan of 'make a will save', but the most dread inducing ones come from prior experience in campaigns. Seeing a gray choker, for example, will scare the heck out of my party since we know the dm has an cr18 choker variant with 52ish AC that can drain constitution on a grapple that he enjoys using. Anything named 'ballroom' frightens us, after the pit fiend who's name sounded like ballroom almost tpk'd us.

Our dm also never tells you there are no traps/the way is clear. The way always 'looks clear', or 'you don't think there are any traps' (even when I rolled a natural 20). I've used that too, but the players start to get annoyed (PC: "we're first level and I rolled a 26 spot. Is there something there or not?" Me: "You don't think there's anything there.").

senrath
2008-03-26, 03:06 PM
Our dm also never tells you there are no traps/the way is clear. The way always 'looks clear', or 'you don't think there are any traps' (even when I rolled a natural 20). I've used that too, but the players start to get annoyed (PC: "we're first level and I rolled a 26 spot. Is there something there or not?" Me: "You don't think there's anything there.").

I always do that as well, though sometimes I change the language slightly, for instance "You are completely certain that there are no traps". And I don't let my PCs see the dice roll.

Eldariel
2008-03-26, 03:09 PM
There're no natural 20s on skill checks, which makes it all the more amusing. I often run players' Search- and Spot-checks for them so they won't know if they missed something.

gm_rand
2008-03-26, 03:13 PM
I used this one in my last session.

The party is out of spells with two players droped to negative HP but stabilized.

"Good you guys survived. Was that a good fight?"

"Hell yeah!"

"Good they only get harder from here on out."

I could hear a pin drop in the house next door.

Pauwel
2008-03-26, 03:37 PM
*puts on One-Winged Angel*

"Roll initiative."

Pie Guy
2008-03-26, 04:02 PM
Once our DM had us work for an evil guy with a love of delayed blast fire ball.
We all ran whenever we saw a bead on the floor.

DM "A bead drops on the floor in front of you."

Mauril Everleaf
2008-03-26, 04:39 PM
In the campaign I am currently playing, the current BBEG is actually a little girl in a red dress who giggles....and then turns you into a quivering puddle of goo. In our last session, she turned the epic level mage that was our "quest giver" into a pool of blood.

There are few things more humiliating than several grown men shouting in terror when the DM says, "You hear a giggle..." or "You see a little girl in red."

Dancing_Zephyr
2008-03-26, 05:28 PM
"Will saves, everyone."

Grommen
2008-03-26, 05:54 PM
My favorite is from back in 2nd ed when the thief had a percentage to find and remove traps. I always rolled for em.

"You have detected no trap.", especially when they are fairly sure it's a trap and they have a 90% chance of finding them.

Close favorites are always asking for how many hit points they got?
"What is your save for that?"
"I remembered to give out those +5 Holy dancing vorporal adamantine luck blades didn't I?"
"No...Humm wonder how your gonna get out of this one then?"

drengnikrafe
2008-03-26, 06:59 PM
One day, right after we were finished crawling through a dungeon, my DM thought he would give us something different.

As we walked into his house, we saw his living room was covered in various chess pieces, set up in very intricate formations.
"Hey, guys, you were tired of dungeon crawls where you only fight one monster at a time, right?"
I don't know about in general, but that battle was brutal.

Avor
2008-03-26, 07:12 PM
"I got a new book"*pulls out the dragnomicon*

Collin152
2008-03-26, 07:14 PM
"I find your lack of faith disturbing."

Querzis
2008-03-26, 07:52 PM
One of the PC, a rogue, was actually a spy for the BBEG and of course our characters didnt knew that. The BBEG had a psychic connections with him to give him order. So the most terryfying things our DM did is when he whispered something to the rogue and then the rogue said in a panicked tone:

«You know what guys, I'm gonna go scout. Stay in this room».

And of course we did since none of our character had a sense motive worth a damn. TPK ensued.

But if you are really asking for a phrase and not an action, I gotta say that this phrase after a guy told us that the king is corrupted and hes the one who tried to kill us was really scary:

«Does any of you got more then 15 in sense motive? If you dont then its useless to roll.»

I'm always maxing sense motive with that DM now.

Uncle Festy
2008-03-26, 08:14 PM
I've heard it referenced a couple of times in this thread, but... what's so horrible about Draconomicon?

Avor
2008-03-26, 08:26 PM
I've heard it referenced a couple of times in this thread, but... what's so horrible about Draconomicon?

It's book of just dragons, and dragon are unplesent to encounter.

Gorbash Kazdar
2008-03-26, 08:47 PM
"How many HP did you have?"
Hey, I do that!

Anyways, I think the various "Will save" versions are probably the most dread inducing - even if you're playing a cleric, you know the results of a failed save are always going to be extremely unpleasant. Ref save? That's just damage. Con save? At worst, the gamer speedbump, death. Will save? 9 times out of 10, death is the sweet, sweet release at the end of what ever horrible, devious thing the DM has in mind.

Mushroom Ninja
2008-03-26, 09:14 PM
I've always dreaded some of the stuff my DM has pulled on our group:

"So, does a 50 hit you?"
"Crap! I keep rolling low! Does a 34 hit?"

drengnikrafe
2008-03-26, 09:19 PM
I've got another rediculously specific example that doesn't apply to anyone else, and would go better in a "fun stories about campaigns your DM set up for you" type of thread, but.... bear with me.

"No, you've got to open all three doors at the same time" (The doors were trapped. One would throw the PC into a rage and he would attack everything around him, one would freeze the PC in place for a few rounds, and the other would've summoned something via Summon Monster V).

Turcano
2008-03-26, 09:34 PM
*DM cracks knuckles*
DM: "Okay Gentlemen, this dungeon should be intresting. I was inspired while creating it."
Players: " By what? Barney? Finding Nemo? "All you need is Love" by the Beatles?"
DM: "Nope, The Tomb of Horrors."
Players: *Wordless Scream*

I read the Tomb of Horrors module for the first time last night, and frankly most of it doesn't live up to the hype.

Lord Tataraus
2008-03-26, 09:42 PM
I read the Tomb of Horrors module for the first time last night, and frankly most of it doesn't live up to the hype.

That's because you've read it. It is never as impressive to read as to play (or seen play). I DMed and realized how vile it is. If you know nothing, you won't survive to the end. Actually, it is almost literally impossible to complete it without at least a single death, read the last room.

FlyMolo
2008-03-26, 09:44 PM
I read the Tomb of Horrors module for the first time last night, and frankly most of it doesn't live up to the hype.

Well, it isn't an instant death. Just almost.
All the ways it can kill you fairly arbitrarily: The false entrance that kills you by collapsing. Ref save or be crushed to death. Those pillars that make you float into a teleport sphere, stripping you of your gear. Sphere of annihilation in the statue's mouth. The Siren in a lake. The button which is trapped. The lever in the box opened by said button, that, when pulled, kills you. The automatically reforming arrow traps accompanied by doors that open weird. The doors which open on a brick wall, which is actually a secret door. The several magic items which kill you or inflict negative levels. The room which fills up with blood. The room which squishes you against the ceiling. The room with levers on each side, and when you pull them all, the floor vanishes and you fall hundreds of feet. The illusory/not illusory spheres which do stuff to you. The arbitrary gem-crushing gargoyle thing(this one doesn't kill you, just confuses you.) I'm sure there's more.

AslanCross
2008-03-26, 09:55 PM
I read the Tomb of Horrors module for the first time last night, and frankly most of it doesn't live up to the hype.

I think it's meant to be horrifying for the players, who aren't supposed to know what to expect.

Turcano
2008-03-26, 09:56 PM
That's because you've read it. It is never as impressive to read as to play (or seen play). I DMed and realized how vile it is. If you know nothing, you won't survive to the end.

True, but the majority of it is standard fare by my standards. (although that may say more about me than it does about Gygax.) The stuff in the pillared throne room onward is pretty inspired though, as is the ring slot in the chapel.


Actually, it is almost literally impossible to complete it without at least a single death, read the last room.

Well, if you have a wand of command, a wand of shatter, a ghost touch weapon, and your cleric wins initiative, it would actually be fairly smooth sailing.

Idea Man
2008-03-26, 10:39 PM
"An orb-shaped creature with several short tentacles with eyes on top, and a large central eye, floats down from the hole in the ceiling."
Let's face it, only hyper-protected characters would risk three instant death effects each round. Although, I found it disconcerting when the barbarian grappled the poor thing. She couldn't do anything but punch it, and it couldn't beat her impressive Fort saves. Hilarity ensued. :smallbiggrin:

Another contender might be: "...and, with the final blow, the wizard melts away."
Said after said wizard (casting 7th level spells) was defeated by a 12th level party. :smallamused:

Chronicled
2008-03-26, 10:57 PM
Well, if you have a wand of command, a wand of shatter, a ghost touch weapon, and your cleric wins initiative, it would actually be fairly smooth sailing.

That's a lot of ifs you've got there.

Lord Tataraus
2008-03-26, 11:10 PM
Well, if you have a wand of command, a wand of shatter, a ghost touch weapon, and your cleric wins initiative, it would actually be fairly smooth sailing.

I was referring to actually getting into the room. One character is virtually screwed unless you have a good/lucky rogue with you. Read the words: never miss.

And as Chronicled said, that's a lot of ifs that an ignorant party would probably not have. Heck, I let my party get free ressurctions every day and they are still having a hard time (each have died twice already and are only halfway through!).

turkishproverb
2008-03-26, 11:11 PM
*puts on One-Winged Angel*

"Roll initiative."

LOL. that brings back memories.

If i face ONE more BBEG that is obviously sephy, I swear...

Magnor Criol
2008-03-26, 11:19 PM
I think a simple well-placed ominous chuckle after your characters do something is more threatening than any phrase.

Turcano
2008-03-26, 11:44 PM
That's a lot of ifs you've got there.

Using shatter is a standard way of taking out a demilich, so that should be a given if you know that there's (supposed to be) a demilich there, and you should have a ghost touch weapon as a matter of course (unless you like getting whaled on by incorporeal monsters), and the (second) false Acererak has +0 Initiative, so that's about two ifs at most.


I was referring to actually getting into the room. One character is virtually screwed unless you have a good/lucky rogue with you. Read the words: never miss.

That trap has an onset delay (albeit only 1 round) -- which is true of all Never Miss traps -- and allows a Search check (which you should really be used to by then, and DC 30 isn't that bad for a 9th-level module). Your rogue doesn't have to be lucky, just quick and attentive (which is his job anyway).

BadJuJu
2008-03-27, 01:01 AM
...Sorry man...

or the "Vampire looks deep into your eyes, roll a will save"

or "Whats 292 times 5...?"

Ominous
2008-03-27, 01:55 AM
If you've DMed right, your players should sob uncontrollably when you chuckle to yourself.

I'm a big Babylon 5 fan, so my players have also learned to never answer mysterious strangers that ask "What do you want?"


*puts on One-Winged Angel*

"Roll initiative."

I've pulled this one before.

Winterwind
2008-03-27, 03:50 AM
I'm a big Babylon 5 fan, so my players have also learned to never answer mysterious strangers that ask "What do you want?"Heh. That's a good one. :smallbiggrin:
Alas, I'm pretty sure all of my players would get the reference and figure it out immediately if I tried it...

Tengu
2008-03-27, 05:48 AM
"The thief, <name> did not find the poison trap and I declare him/her dead."

Sstoopidtallkid
2008-03-27, 05:59 AM
"The thief, <name> did not find the poison trap and I declare him/her dead."OH NO, NOT BLACKLEAF!

Shademan
2008-03-27, 05:59 AM
"so what is your character.... wearing?"
wait a second....that was me saying it....
i have a GOOD explaination! REALLY!

Quietus
2008-03-27, 12:53 PM
Well, yeah, especially if you've seen Pitch Black. :)

Johns: "See anything?"
Riddick: "Looks clear."
(Johns starts to advance up the slope. A huge lethal flying monster bursts out and nearly decapitates him. The monster screams and flies off into the darkness.)
Johns: "What the ****! You said it was clear!"
Riddick: "No, I said it looks clear."
Johns: "Well, how does it look now?"
Riddick: (takes a look, turns to Johns, and grins) "Looks clear."

- Saph


Yeah, I expect that's where Delfon got the phrase from. He also made a character whose entire "thing" was using improvised weapons - inspired by something he saw in a movie where some guy killed a random mook with a teacup. That may have been the same movie, I'm not sure.

SamTheCleric
2008-03-27, 12:59 PM
It's actually the sequel to that.... Chronicles of Riddick.

Guard: Is there a name for this private little world of yours, huh? What happens there when we don't just run away? You'll kill us... with a soup cup?
Riddick: Tea, actually.
Guard: What's that?
Riddick: I'm going to kill you with my tea cup.

Drascin
2008-03-27, 01:30 PM
*puts on One-Winged Angel*

"Roll initiative."

I myself intend to do a little more teathrical version of that - timed, rehearsed monologue and everything - with Dancing Mad, taking advantage of its minute and a half buildup, in the last fight of the campaign. I am hoping it should be enough to get the players into the mood for BBEG slaying :smallamused:

ColdBrew
2008-03-27, 01:42 PM
It's actually the sequel to that.... Chronicles of Riddick.

Guard: Is there a name for this private little world of yours, huh? What happens there when we don't just run away? You'll kill us... with a soup cup?
Riddick: Tea, actually.
Guard: What's that?
Riddick: I'm going to kill you with my tea cup.

Of course he sets down the teacup, guard charges in, gets stabbed in the heart with the open end of the teacup and dies horribly. Riddick proceeds to set down a paper clip (or some little piece of bent wire), and the rest scatter.

That movie was so ridiculous, but it had its moments.

Mushroom Ninja
2008-03-27, 03:38 PM
There's a back story to this one. The DM had a tendency of taking the PCs by surprise by having vampires and other such things with spider walk jump down on them as soon as they would enter an apparently empty room.

DM: You walk into the room, it's empty.
PC: I check the ceiling, do I see any vampires?
DM: *checks notes* Why in fact, you do! Roll initiatives.

Grommen
2008-03-27, 06:00 PM
Wile not uttered by me wile running the game it was at the time scary none the less.

Those of you who remember the old D6 version of Star Wars will remember the time when you grabbed a hand full of D6's and they all came up "1" or close to it.

Well we broke into an Imperial base and was in the process of setting up charges to blow it to hell when the Demolition "expert" managed to role a whopping "6" on 5 dice, resulting in missing his target number by a large margin.

In character mind you he turns to the party leader and calmly said.

"So ah what happens if I were to accidentally dump all that detonite into the thermo-neucular core?, with the timer set to like ah...I don't know...Sixty seconds?"

SurlySeraph
2008-03-27, 10:19 PM
"Roll all of your dice and the dice of the person to your left."

Fawsto
2008-03-27, 10:29 PM
*Ok guys, tonight we will be playing the Tomb of Horrors."

or

*You see the big enemy! He is definetly a Wizard, but around his neck you see a strange black spherical collar and near his right hand you see a 2ft. wide sphere of pure darkness. Roll Initiative.*

or

*You missed... Wait, weren't you charging? Yes? Nice... You missed.*

Dark Knight Renee
2008-03-27, 10:41 PM
"I'm stumped," "I'm out of ideas," or any variation thereof. I hate nothing more than frustraition and boredom, which are the results of these phrases. :smallannoyed:

Avor
2008-03-27, 11:05 PM
"You what"

-Me

It's ok that players are create, and do everything in their power to circumvent anykind of quest, encounter, or plan I had for them, but when they do, I don't know to do.

So I wing it, the problem is that when I wing it, I have a habbit to throw over powered things at them. I don't want to easy time with it, the game should be challange, not a exp handout.

I don't want to be a player in my own game doing that. Why couldn't they just go down the river? :smallfrown:

Tyrael
2008-03-27, 11:09 PM
You can turn any sentence into the most dreaded phrase the players can expect to hear from you rather easily, really.

How? Just follow the following recipe:
1.) Take one generic villain of arbitrary power-level (ranging from slightly dangerous to godlike)
2.) Add a healthy dose of vengefulness.
3.) Mix with about 2 large spoons of sadism.
4.) Add a bit more vengefulness for good measure.
5.) Now for the main ingredient: Give the villain some unique quirk or ability that nobody else in the campaign possesses: Maybe his wounds close immediately if he gets wounded by ordinary weapons (this is good to show off his bad-assness, too), or maybe he just likes to make origami and leave it behind.
5b) If you are so inclined, spice things up by making the villain a shape-shifter, who can only be recognized by the quirk. This is optional.
5c) It is important to equip the villain with an easy means of escaping from the PCs whenever he feels like it - some inherent teleportation ability that cannot be interrupted without some very elaborate means should work just fine.
6) Have the PCs anger the villain by preventing his schemes early on. Let him have vow vengeance and disappear.
7) Wait for 6-24 months. Have the players forget about the villain.
8) Have the villain have a sudden return in which he totally screws over the PCs if they are not very wary (this is where the sadism part kicks in). Maybe he makes the PCs kill somebody whom they like by making them believe that person turned to evil (this is where shapeshifting comes in handy), or makes them help him in his new evil scheme (which succeeds).
8b) If the villain was low-powered before, use the last part to power him up to a terrifying menace.
8c) Do not forget to emphasise the villain's quirk from step 5) in the most dark, menacing context possible.
9) Make it clear the villain is out to get the PCs - possibly actively trying to not kill them, but to make their life hell (until they come closer to vanquishing him once and for all, anyway). Have him appear every now and then - not every adventure, not every two, but often enough for the PCs to never forget the danger in which they are. Do not overuse him. Have the PCs always recognize that they are currently dealing with him again by means of the quirk from step 5).
10) Congratulations, whenever you utter anything pointing towards the quirk you introduced in step 5), the players will scream/cower in fear/weep bitterly.

Nooooo, I wouldn't ever do anything so mean to my players. Like, ever. Totally. Why are you asking? :smallcool:

I did this with a 17th-level Swashbuckler/Duelist, created to be a BBEG for a 13th-level party. He wore a big black greatcoat (the thing pirates wear, it's a bit like a short trenchcoat), black clothes, black hair, everything else black, but a white, featureless mask with eye slits and spotless white gloves.

I originally had a long elven-y name for him (since he was an elf), but my players instantly named him "V" from "V for Vendetta". The name stuck. :) Anyway, he was the ringleader of the classic "evil twins party". I had the evil wizard teleport him into the tavern where they were, then cast some spell I found in Spell Compendium to make an important quest item staff be sucked out of the good wizard's backpack, sailing right into V's white-gloved grip. He sneered, "Ah, lovely. You know, I saw this walking around town, and of course, well..." V paused, pretending to stroke the staff lovingly. "...Such a thing is faaaaar too pretty to be left up to you. Tah!"

He then threw down a homebrewed ninja smoke pellet and disappeared as flashily as he entered, leaving only a small calling card in his wake, with a city building circled, and the words, "Let Us Dance".

The party bickered for about 2 hours about it, then finally decided to walk cautiously into the trap. They use Disguise Self, walk into the bar/casino that was circled, and after winning a few games with some nice Sleight of Hand checks, the party leader ask to see the manager.

The maitre'd takes him to the back room, behind the bar and main showroom floor and everything, and leads him into a small, dark room with a wooden table, a chair, and a candle. The PC sits down and begins talking, commenting on how bad he thinks the place is, etc, etc. I forget the precise words used, but he ended up by claiming, "Don't you know who I am? I'm the famous poet, Erasmus! How dare you treat me like this?"

DM: "There's silence for a moment. Then, a creepy laugh comes out of the darkness....."
The players lean forward. I allow a cruel grin to grow on my face.
DM: (softly)"...and two.....white.....gloves....appear, clapping."
I sit back and do a slow, sarcastic clap, imitating the BBEG, as the players all shriek in shock.

DM: " 'Oh, I don't think so,' the voice from before says. 'I've read Erasmus' work. I've studied him. And you.....Jack Bartleby...are not him.' He snaps his fingers--" I snap my fingers, imitating. "--and a rapier appears in his hand, pointing at your throat over the table."

The party freaks out again. I just sit back and indulge in my most villainous laugh. I think that was the most cinematic use ever for Gloves of Storing. :smallbiggrin:

RTGoodman
2008-03-27, 11:57 PM
Here's another I remembered from a fight with Hydra I ran once (I think in RHoD). We use the "roll all the dice at once method" so things are faster, and I freaked the players out a little bit.

Me (DM): [Dumps out dice bag.] Alright that's... 3 d20s and... 3 d10s. Alright guys, I need some more dice.
Players: [Hand me one of each.]
Me: Nope, a couple of more.
Players: [Hand over a couple more.]
Me: Not quite...
Players: :smalleek:
Me: What? It only has seven heads!

Dr Bwaa
2008-03-28, 02:46 AM
I'll throw in my 2cp as to needing to see the Tomb be played before you'll truly understand its beauty/evil.

Otherwise, my additions:

"Make a <save>... no, wait, don't bother."
*claps hands, makes other gleeful noises*
"That looks fun"
(consulting notes)"There's no save against that??"
"In the Halfling's house, you find a plain, gold ring. The urge to take it for yourself is overwhelming..."
*Flurry of activity involving copious mysterious character sheets, notes, books, etc* "Don't mind me, you'll understand soon enough"
Anytime the DM takes a moment at the computer to turn on music...

Funkyodor
2008-03-28, 02:57 AM
Phrase said by the DM when the odd's of success are unbelievably high.

"Just don't roll a one..."

kentma57
2008-03-28, 08:14 AM
"Suprise round" when the enemy gets one it is bad.

Roderick_BR
2008-03-28, 08:15 AM
"Um . . .how much hp do you have again?"

"Okay, make a Will save."
Add in "What's your AC/touch AC again?" and you have the most classic dreadfull lines a DM can utter to screw you.

For actions, I ran the Tomb of Horrors:
In the first trap, when I started to literally fill my hands with dice, taking from several bags, and asking the players some of their d6, the wizard (that failed his Reflex save) just tossed away his character sheet.

SamTheCleric
2008-03-28, 08:24 AM
Wait, I have a new one...

"So... I saw something neat on the Giant in the Playground Forum today..." :smallbiggrin:

hotel_papa
2008-03-28, 08:31 AM
For me, the most dread and pain any GM can inspire follows fifteen minutes of rifling through books and liberal use of the word "ummm"....

Or "Wait, what was I doing?"

Or, especially, "I never got around to preparing anything, so I'm just going to make it up as we go along."

Mind you, there are probably a lot of people who can handle seat-of-the-pants DMing. I just don't know any of them.

I think my least favorite phrase, though, the one that ruins my... ever:

"This is too hard, can't you DM again?!"

Talic
2008-03-28, 08:31 AM
Definitely one more for "Make a Will save."

"Everyone go and stretch for a bit. 5 minute break, while I discuss that last d20 roll with Jim."

Works really well with the line, "what's your will save modifier?" right after the roll.

Chronicled
2008-03-28, 08:36 AM
Wait, I have a new one...

"So... I saw something neat on the Giant in the Playground Forum today..." :smallbiggrin:

I've seen a DM use this. The party was in an arena challenge (with some plot reason why they wouldn't actually die), and he threw similar level builds he'd seen online against them. They mostly didn't have a chance.

However, I did have the pleasure of helping the monk PC take out a spiked-chain fighter build. :smallbiggrin: (DM had neglected to give the fighter any extra reach, and got right into range for a tumble in + stunning fist, followed by grappling. Said fighter somehow was able to use magic missile when the monk initially decided to run away and climb out of reach :smallannoyed:.) Quoth the DM: "What? They said online this was a really good build..." Yeah, let's make encounters the PCs have no chance of overcoming, or even running away from. Choo-choo!

I'm just glad I'm not in his campaign.

Greyen
2008-03-28, 08:37 AM
The one that really had my players flinch is the "Oh, sorry...." after rolling some dice behind the screen. After a while I just did this randomly to mess with them.

RTGoodman
2008-03-28, 08:41 AM
Wait, I have a new one...

"So... I saw something neat on the Giant in the Playground Forum Wizards CharOp boards today..." :smallbiggrin:

Fixed it for you. :smalltongue:

Dethcom1
2008-03-28, 11:27 AM
Anything the DM says after a roll to find a trap (besides "You find a trap," of course) is bad, but I find that their phrasing just isn't sinister enough. Therefore, I present the following phrase (and continuation);

DM: You don't find the trap.
Player: Alright, so let's... wait, did you just say there was a trap?
DM: If there is a trap, you have not found it. The trap exists in potentia, a state of both existence and non-existence. It may both exist and -
Player: Damn you! Don't you start Shroedingering on me!

Lasada1984
2008-03-28, 11:49 AM
Wow its been a while since I posted

Some of my favorites (as the GM)

1) (For mid level characters)
Players: Does a 30 Will save make it
DM:....No

2) (In the dwarven stronghold)

DM: Blocking the way in front of you are two dwarves, with huge shields, who seem to be set in some kind of defensive stance. Peeking out from behind them is a gnome wearing a robe with arcane symbols and a long staff.....

3) 'k. The Wizard casts a spell....I need to borrow all the D6's (there were like 20 or so....)

4) From behind the pulsing black hole in the wall you hear a chuckle...

5) You all wake up in the temple arena....

6) (Said by super high level wizard bad guy)

"Why are you in my tower?

As a player

(All from one campaign)

1) The squirrel casts "Finger of Death"

2) You are now married to the chipmunk.

3) Here's a ring of wishes

4) Pick any item out of the DMG. Its yours....

5) Sure you can go back in time before the beginning of history....

6) I'll play your character while your gone (my character ended being wished out of existence by the party....)

Ominous
2008-03-28, 11:20 PM
"Do any of you remember which thread on GiTP discussed anti-osmium?"

Quxelopqr
2008-03-28, 11:35 PM
DM-:rolls a 2: "your ac?"
fighter- 20.
DM- it hits, you take x damage.
fighter- you rolled a 2?
(yucky evil wolf thing)

Another fun one,

DM: "AC?"
player: "100."
DM: (blinks, then smiles) "Touch AC?"
player: :smalleek:

Paragon Badger
2008-03-28, 11:46 PM
"Wh- You weren't supposed to fail that roll!"

Jayngfet
2008-03-29, 04:59 AM
I was on the internet last week and I found these cool new monsters!


though it may just be that I'm the least sane member of the group and a trap happy sadist (if teleporting the pc's into a room with a puzzle exit that shoots you every time you get it wrong and some zombies, they're also inside a cage, at first level)

quiet1mi
2008-03-30, 04:54 PM
DM-"you find a note on the dead goblins body"
player #1- "I try to read it"
DM-"you can not understand it for it is written in goblin"
player #2-" hey i can read goblin! what does it say?"
DM- " hey guys, can i borrow your d6s...."

Signmaker
2008-03-30, 05:01 PM
"So, I was thinking of making a BBEG with Bloodstorm Blade and Improved Sunder..."

TheCountAlucard
2008-03-30, 05:28 PM
"Your character's not wearing gloves, is he?"

Yeah, putting contact poison on unlikely objects is likely to get a player paranoid, and fast.

Dode
2008-03-31, 03:52 AM
"Did you know you can take 'Ability Focus (Energy Drain)'?"

Skjaldbakka
2008-03-31, 04:20 AM
I'm notorious for "ehh, I forgot I put that in there", or "wow, it can do that?", or "hmm, that's not good. that's really not good"

Of course the most infamous is "wow, that's only CR X?"

I've also been know to say "give me an X check. roll high"


The one that really had my players flinch is the "Oh, sorry...." after rolling some dice behind the screen. After a while I just did this randomly to mess with them.

Huh. I do that too.

GoldDragon
2008-03-31, 04:26 AM
Party at low health. One character currently very close to death.

DM: "Don't worry. These guys only have +1 to hit. What's the worst that could happen?"

Natural 20. Confirmed Crit. Dead Character.

tyckspoon
2008-03-31, 04:34 AM
What's the worst that could happen?"


Nothing good ever follows this phrase. See also "It can't get any worse" and "Everything is good forever!", although those are typically players inviting doom upon themselves.

Skjaldbakka
2008-03-31, 05:23 AM
I suppose there is also the infamous "don't roll a 1". I said this three times to one of my players over the course of a campaign. The first time she disintegrated the cover the party was hiding behind. The second time she disintegrated a party member who was in a grapple with a giant praying mantis (the party member killed by the disentegrate also needed a 1 to fail the save). The third time she was playing a dwarven defender, and failed a fort save vs. massive damage and died in the first combat the character was in. The cleric in the party had ressurection magic by then though.

Chineselegolas
2008-03-31, 05:53 AM
This is Shirley, our new player. She's also my girlfreind.
Not that bad a one. My current DM's girlfriend was in our game, went rather well.
Except that one week it was cancelled for their wedding and honeymoon.

One week when he was about an hour earlier to where we played than normal I had to comment "You're here early", his reply "Yeah, I had to get all the models set up"
It resulted in a TPK...

hewhosaysfish
2008-03-31, 07:00 AM
I'm notorious for "ehh, I forgot I put that in there", or "wow, it can do that?", or "hmm, that's not good. that's really not good"

Of course the most infamous is "wow, that's only CR X?"

I can hear my DM in my head, saying "Ohhh riiiiight! I forgot they could do that! Hah heh!"

Tiki Snakes
2008-03-31, 02:27 PM
As my character was being pulled out of a collapsed tunnel, (more earth/soil than rock)...

"Roll a dice."
"Which?"
"Any you like." *pleasant smile*

Lycar
2008-04-02, 02:25 PM
Failed will saves are onr thing. You know that bad things are going to happen. The question is just how bad. And then your GM only posts this:


Well, well, well... :smallbiggrin:
How interesting.

When something like that comes from someone from Great Britain, then you know that you are going to live in intersting times indeed...

Lycar

Thrawn183
2008-04-02, 02:50 PM
"Your character wouldn't do that."
or
"You have to, just do it."

And you get the sinking sensation that you are about to recieve an enema via railroad spar.

turkishproverb
2008-04-02, 02:55 PM
"Monks are underpowered. YOu want to play one, its not my fault."

This invariably leads to the GM getting pissed and trying harder and harder to specifically kill your monk, up to and including creating opponents on the spot designed to kill only him.

These suddenly appearing characters will have no other purpose than to prove the GM's misconceptions right.

Zenos
2008-04-02, 03:14 PM
"There's a pair of Rust Monsters in front of you, drooling."

I was the DM.

Jade_Tarem
2008-04-02, 03:17 PM
"This next part is kinda based on Tomb of Horrors."

Night10194
2008-04-02, 03:25 PM
"How many hitpoints do you have again?" "Well, I've g-" "UNIMPORTANT!" followed by laughter. Lots of it.

Taken from an actual session.

FoxHush
2008-04-02, 03:33 PM
Hearing from a dm.


"Your pet triggers/is seen/hit by X"

"No i'm pretty sure i said ___"


As a DM worse you could hear (i GM a fallout pnp)

"10 is instant death right?"-(critical affect table)

"You feel tired and achey, but your ghoul friend seems to be feeling quiet well." (200 rads per hour!)

tyckspoon
2008-04-02, 03:52 PM
"10 is instant death right?"-(critical affect table)

"You feel tired and achey, but your ghoul friend seems to be feeling quiet well." (200 rads per hour!)

"Deathclaw is critically hit in the eyes for no damage. The rush of air on its brain kills it instantly." Only way to take out some enemies in any reasonable time and expenditure of ammo.. shoot it in the head and eyes until you get an insta-kill crit. Or a damage multiplying through-armor burst crit for a thousand damage.

Most of the game zones are pretty clear about it if you're standing in an area that's radiated that heavily. I assume your players learned to carry Geiger counters after that incident.

Quorothorn
2008-04-02, 11:46 PM
"In the Halfling's house, you find a plain, gold ring. The urge to take it for yourself is overwhelming..."

I'm not sure if my personal reaction to that would be to shriek in utter terror or to unleash my best evil laugh and say "The Ring is mine!". I guess it'd depend on what kind of personality my character had.

LibraryOgre
2008-04-03, 01:01 AM
"I was going to ask if you're sure, but that's so stupid you have to be to even suggest it."

Jade_Tarem
2008-04-03, 01:04 AM
"Which one of you has the least armor on?"

"Everyone roll a d%."

"How does the sphere of annihilation work again?"

"Well daaaaaaamn..."

"You MUST face the gazebo alone."

Totally Guy
2008-04-03, 10:43 AM
"You MUST face the gazebo alone."

"You look through the keyhole to find your view of the room obscured by a Plated Escutcheon (http://www.hardwaredirectuk.co.uk/dooraccessorieshtm/esctcheonshtm/esctcheonshtm3.htm) on the other side!":smalleek:

its_all_ogre
2008-04-03, 11:20 AM
other day i got a text saying 'is the game still on?'
normally i reply something along the lines of 'yes and i'm going to kill you all'

this time i replied
'yes......'

apparently that player told all the rest 'we're in for a nasty session today people'!!

BadJuJu
2008-04-03, 11:40 AM
"So. youve been searching the room for about 3 rounds, right?"

chevalier
2008-04-03, 03:51 PM
"I know you're all anxious to continue where we left off last session, but tonight I thought we'd try something different..."

"Does anyone remember where the party was when we left off?"

"Where's that summary of grappling rules?"

"Who has a lot of ranks in heal?"

Shishnarfne
2008-04-03, 04:21 PM
Here are a few related ones:

"Did any of you buy wolfsbane or silvered weapons while you were in town? The full moon is tonight."

"Alright, let me check my notes to see when the next full moon is... while I check something in the Monster Manual..."

"You find what appears to have been a patch of wolfsbane... and it looks like it has been repeatedly harvested and tended to allow a continued harvest. You remember that tomorrow night will be the full moon, and there doesn't appear to be enough to harvest without killing the plant."