The GM is an idiot

[MrEdwardNigma]

You were all sitting in Hank's basement, wondering why you came here in the first place. None of you really knew Hank that well, but from what you'd seen he was pretty much a lost cause. Hank was a geekish kid with thick glasses and asthma, but worst of all he was a complete idiot. Still, you'd agreed to come when he'd asked you to play in his roleplaying game, because hey, he had to be good at something, right? Besides, his big brother Dan was a legend when it came to roleplaying. Toughest GM in the state, you'd heard. Hank couldn't be all that bad, could he?

"Welcome, welcome you guys! I'm glad you're all here, this'll be so great, I almost can't wait! My mom made us some snacks and we even had some soda left, so feel free to take some, but not too much, or your character might get killed off! He-he-he-he-he-*cough* *wheeze* Eeeeeh, I'm only kidding off course. Or am I? He-he-he-he-he!"
Hank pauzed to use his inhalor.

"Riiiight. Anyways, I suppose we'd better roll up characters first. I'd like to start at the lowest possible level. Now, I've only had time to read a couple of pages of the book, so I wasn't able to find any information on level 0, howeveeeeer I was able to find some information about level 1, so I just tweaked it a bit myself so we can make beginner level characters. Now, level 1 characters are created by throwing six d20, but we'll be creating our level 0 characters by throwing five d20 and two d12! Aaaaand, as an extra bonus, you can even pick yourself what values to assign to what attribute. The attributes are Strenght, Intelligence, Wisdom, ehrm..."
Hank pulls out his sourcebook, which still has a huge orange sticker on it reading "DISCOUNT! Misprinted edition". He flips through it a bit until he finds the page he needs.

"Ah, yes, off course, Strenght, Intelligence, Wisdom, Constitution, Dexterity, Charisma and a homebrew attribute I call Awesomeness! Sounds good, doesn't it? Awesomeness is used to do all kinds of awesome stuff, but more about that later. Besides your attributes you'll also need to pick your class and race. Only sourcebook material guys, he-he-he-he-he..."
Hank pauzes again to use his inhalor.

"Sorry, guys, it's just the stress, I guess... Well, besides the stuff I've mentioned you need to think up a name, choose your sex and maybe think out a little character background, but not too much, we don't have all day, he-he-he-he-he. Good, there's plenty of paper to go around, and I gave you all some pencils too, so that's all you need to know, really. Get crackin'!"

Okay, so Hank does seem to be pretty much a disaster at GMing. What will he do next, come up with a GM player character? Well, you've promised Hank you'd play his RPG and he'd probably be really hurt if you left, so you might as well pick up that pencil and write yourself a character sheet!

The resulting character sheets:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Drek, the destroyer
http://www.unrulies.net/halfling.jpg
Race: Bard
Class: Halfling
Sex: Male
Player: Krono

Strength: 6
Intelligence: 6
Wisdom: 9
Constitution: 7
Dexterity: 10
Charisma: 14
Awesomeness: 2

AC: 14 (11)
Hit Points: 6
Experience: -350

Equipped: Lute, Clothes, leather armor (AC +3), short sword.
Inventory: Hammer.
Money: 58

Character Background: Teal
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Xian Li
http://www.enworld.org/Pozas/Pictures/Oddballs/elf_monk.jpg
Race: Elf
Class: Monk
Sex: Male
Player: Duke of URL

Strength: 8
Intelligence: 6
Wisdom: 17
Constitution: 8
Dexterity: 16
Charisma: 4
Awesomeness: 3

AC: 13
Hit Points: 8
Experience: -400

Equipped: Clothes, +1 sword
Inventory: Piece of rope.
Money: 3

Character Background: Read 23 pages attachment.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dragonborn of Bahamut chosen bonus: Wings
http://spiderman.ugo.com/images/favorite-villains/hobgoblin.jpg
Race: Dragonborn Fire Hobgoblin
Class: Wizard
Sex: ???
Player: Bayar

Strength: 9
Intelligence: 18
Wisdom: 11
Constitution: 17
Dexterity: 13
Charisma: 6
Awesomeness: 1

AC: 14 (11)
Hit Points: 4
Experience: -450

Spells: Fireball, Feather Fall.

Equipped: Clothes, leather armor (AC +3), short sword.
Inventory: Staff with pitchfork tied to it
Money: 15

Character Background: ???
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
John John Binks
http://langstrump.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/jar-jar-binks2.jpg
Race: Human (He's just wearing a weird hat, okay?)
Class: Rogue
Sex: Yes, please :smallbiggrin:
Player: Koga

Strength: 6
Intelligence: 4
Wisdom: 4
Constitution: 12
Dexterity: 18
Charisma: 4
Awesomeness: 8

AC: 14
Hit Points: 6
Experience: -500

Equipped: Clothes, dagger.
Inventory: Shovel, two dead rats.
Money: 4

Character Background: I think he was a senator once, but they fired him two days after.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jericho
http://redwing.hutman.net/~Mreed/Assets/necromancer.jpg
Race: Human
Class: Necromancer
Sex: Male
Player: The Necroswanso

Strength: 11
Intelligence: 16
Wisdom: 6
Constitution: 10
Dexterity: 7
Charisma: 13
Awesomeness: 6

AC: 8
Hit Points: 4
Experience: -500

Spells: Turn into Undead.

Equipped: Clothes, staff.
Inventory: /
Money: 4

Background: Seeking to gain the ultimate knowledge of undead and it's application of how it can be useful in the world.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dangalf the Black
http://partypazzazz.com/wizzardLrg.jpg
Race: Tiefling (Wait, wait, wait, aren't these supposed to be thieves?)
Class: Wizard
Sex: Male
Player: Silkenfist

Strength: 17
Intelligence: 13
Wisdom: 16
Constitution: 10
Dexterity: 3
Charisma: 2
Awesomeness: 18

AC: 6
Hit Points: 1 (4)
Experience: -350

Spells: Fireball, Feather Fall.

Equipped: Clothes, staff.
Inventory: /
Money: 4

Background: On a quest to become the most powerful wizard in the universe.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kam Gompizo
http://www.battleloremaster.com/images/game/clerictoken.gif
Race: Human
Class: Cleric
Sex: FeMale
Player: Quxelopqr Zimmia

Strength: 8
Intelligence: 11
Wisdom: 20
Constitution: 17
Dexterity: 3
Charisma: 11
Awesomeness: 2

AC: 6
Hit Points: 8
Experience: -400


Spells: Turn Undead.

Equipped: Clothes, Bible.
Inventory: /
Money: 4

Background: Sent by his God to go on a holy quest of some kind and probably slay some evildoers.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Physical
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/9/9d/D%26Dhank.jpg
Race: Human
Class: Ranger
Sex: Female
Player: LatemYvaeh

Strength: 14
Intelligence: 1
Wisdom: 2
Constitution: 3
Dexterity: 15
Charisma: 10
Awesomeness: 1

AC: 15 (12)
Hit Points: 8
Experience: -450

Equipped: Clothes, leather armor (AC +3), short sword, short bow, quiver: 10 arrows.
Inventory: /
Money: 4

Background: Apprentice ranger.

Mister Rat
http://www.orange.co.uk/images/editorial/remy_rat_17sep07_im_170.jpg
Race: Rat
Class: Rat?
Sex: Male
Player: /

Strength: 2
Intelligence: 2
Wisdom: 12
Constitution: 10
Dexterity: 15
Charisma: 2
Awesomeness: 0

AC: 14
Hit Points: 1
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Harry Rotter
http://www.dphotojournal.com/images/tutorials/zombie/zombie-tutorial-02.jpg
Race: Undead
Class: Wizard
Sex: Male
Player: Hank

Strength: 12
Intelligence: 20
Wisdom: 20
Dexterity: 12
Charisma: 20
Awesomeness: 50

AC: 14 (11)
Hit Points: 4
Experience: -400

Spells: Fireball, Feather Fall.

Equipped: Clothes, leather armor (AC +3), staff.
Inventory: Empty bottle marked resurrection, short sword.
Money: 3

Background: He learnt magic at a magic school! And then he died.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Quxelopqr]

Nick let out a small sigh. Other games he'd been in were actually, you know, run by someone who knew the rules. He had promised though, and so decided he'd press on with it. The food, soda, and some people he knew already being here helped the cause too.
"Alright Hank," he said, picking up his pencil and taking a character sheet, "I'll play a male human cleric, assinged by his God to go on a holy quest with the party or something. I brought some dice, so I'll get rolling." Awesomeness? That has potential, but let's see how I do.

I guess I'll roll here? And I like how this is set up by the way.
[roll0]
[roll1]
[roll2]
[roll3]
[roll4]
[roll5]
[roll6]

[Koga]

Koga grabbed himself and popped a can of diet moutain dew before Hank even meationed the word soda. He was drinking it and then heard this rolling dice crap.

"This sounds increddibly random. I like it! I'll decide my character once I see what my dice..." *Grabs Nick's dice*

"Rather what Nick's dice say..."

[roll0]
[roll1]

[Koga]

He looks over at Nick and takes another swig of diet dew.


"Your dice suck Nick.." -.-


Koga decides to play a a mad scientist wizard, he loves quantamn physics and he's going to pull off all kinds of wierd crap...FOR SCIENCE!

Koga assigns his stats thusly:

Strength: 3
Dexterity: 3
Constitution: 12
Intelligence: 18
Wisdom: 7
Charisma: 12
Awesomeness: 18

Yes, Koga cheated before the game even started! It'd be too obvious if he made a stat 20, he has to be...subtle... He then quickly picks up the dice and gives'em back to Nick.

[MrEdwardNigma]

Hank looked at Koga over the rims of his glasses.

"Hey, I saw that! Look, you guys, you can't cheat, okaaaay? If anyone tries to cheat from now on I'll make sure they pay!"

He opens up a can of Dr. Pepper and guzzles some down.

"Oh, and anyone who doesn't have inspiration, I still have three characters cooked up you can take instead of making one yourself. First come, first serve, he-he-he-he-he"

[Quxelopqr]

Nick assigns his stats as follows:
Strength: 8
Dexterity: 3
Constitution: 17
Intelligence: 11
Wisdom: 20
Charisma: 11
Awesomeness: 2

Nick also takes a can of pop and sips a little as he waits for everyone else to roll up. "Sorry Koga, my dice aren't the luckiest ever. Decent roleplaying out of it though, right?"

[Koga]

Koga says "pre-made characters eh? Could I see them?"

[RandomLunatic]

Jeff simply stands in stunned silence for a moment. This guy's not really related to Dan, is he? Damn, I wish I had not been kicked out of every other group in town-he is a complete mor... waiiiit a minute. A perceptive observer would be able to discern the sound of gears turning in his head.

He grabs himself a can of Root beer before seating himself, dice in hand.

[roll0]
[roll1]

Staring at the results before him, he turns and asks, "So what exactly does this 'awesomeness' do?"

[The Necroswanso]

Wide eyed, Danial had been listening is disbeleif. He couldn't possibley have heard right, but just incase he was going a litle hard of hearing, Danial went along with it.
Pulling his long, dyed a metallic purple hair from his face, he rose from his seat momentarily to remove his jacket, placed it on the back of his chair. Reaching into his backpack, he produced a velvet dice bag, a can of Mountain Dew's latest random color of energy drink, and began to roll and record.

"Well Hank, if you don't care I think I'll be shooting for a Necromancer."

And with that, he began the noisome rolling.

[roll0]
[roll1]
[roll2]
[roll3]
[roll4]
[roll5]
[roll6]

[The Necroswanso]

Danial snarled at his dice. They had betrayed him yet again.
He sighed exhasperatedly.

"Fine. If that's how you want it."

He began to assign his stats.

Strength 11

Dexterity 7

Constitution 10

Intelligence 16

Wisdom 6

Charisma 13

Awesome 6

"Pitiful."

[Koga]

"You could always take a pre-made character Danial.."

[The Necroswanso]

"You could always take a pre-made character Hank.."

((I did write Hank didn't I. One page in and I'm already mixing myself up with DM.))

"I'm not too much into pre-mades, thanks."

[Bayar]

[roll0]
[roll1]
[roll2]
[roll3]
[roll4]
[roll5]
[roll6]

Come on dice ! Give me the stats I need! says Keya.
Erm, can I re-roll that 1? Because a stat with 1 is just plain retarded. I mean, it would preety much mean you are disabled in one of your stats.

Please ?<insert puppy-dog eyes>

[H Savvy]

George looks around uncomfortably, his expression practically pleading for help. So many numbers... d-whats? d12? Which die was that one?

"uh... maybe I should get one of those pre-made characters... I'm a little lost."

[MrEdwardNigma]

((I suggest we use the usernames from these forums as the names of your players because else I'll have three names to remember for everyone and that's just plain confusing...))

"Randomlunatic, I think you'll have to roll again... Your dice seem to have fallen off the table... But if you mess up like that again I'm just going to give you a pre-made, okaaaaay?"

He looks at the tray of somewhat stale apricot cookies his mom made for everyone and picks up a cookie.

"Doesn't anyone want some cookies? They're pretty good, you know. Oh, and no, you can't reroll, bayar. You can take a pre-made if you like though. Oh, yeah, about the pre-mades, you don't get to see them before you're sure you want one. That way it's a surprise! He-he-he-he-he-he-hiiiiiiii *cough* *cough* erk"
Hank struggles for a bit but then manages to recover that bit of apricot cookie he was choking on. He looks at the bit of coughed up cookie in his hand, shrugs and eats it.

[Bayar]

Put a sock in it.

I will make my stats as followed:

STR: 9
DEX: 13
CON: 17
INT: 18
WIS: 11
CHA: 6
AWE:1

For what I am going to create, Awesomeness will get a +30 bonus. So dont care about a 1 there.

Domain wizard for me. Will have to choose what domain, that will be the tricky part. But I bet you are not prepared for what I have lurking in my dark and twisted mind.

[chrono]

Chrono dashes forward grabs the dice off the floor before Randomlunatic has had the chance to pick them up and gives him a slightly irritated look.
Oh gimme that!, he says as he snatches the dice off the floor.

{{OOC: the dice roller does not work with post preview, quote or post edit. Do not use or at least check your post AFTER posting.}}

Not wanting to waste any more time, Chrono throws the dice on the table with a sharp flick of his wrist.
[roll0]
[roll1]

Come on, COME ON, Jason the Male rogue. you can pretty much hear the emphasis on "male". Here goes for looting, pillaging and *cough* taking advantage of virgins with a low listen check. Chrono winks at the nearest player.

[chrono]

Holy crap those are some bad dice. Chrono shakes his head in despair, sits near the snacks and starts munching. On second thought, do you think I can get one of those pre-made characters? Maybe the most Awesome one. Chrono winks at the GM (you could all hear the emphasis again).

[MrEdwardNigma]

Hank looks at bayar nervously.
"Yes, I, ehrm... Yes. He-he-he..."

"Oh, you want a pre-made character, Chrono? Sure!"
He starts leafing through his papers, accidentally dropping some on the floor with information on a deathtrap. It has a large drawing with numerous spikes, each one of which is labeled "poisonous".
"Oh, here it is! You can have this one, Chrono. He's a halfling bard! His name is Drek, the destroyer! Pretty awesome, eh?"
Hank seems to be serious.

This is Chrono's character sheet:

---------------------------------------------------------------
Drek, the destroyer
http://www.unrulies.net/halfling.jpg
Race: Bard
Class: Halfling
Sex: Male
Player: Krono

Strength: 6
Intelligence: 6
Wisdom: 9
Constitution: 7
Dexterity: 10
Charisma: 14
Awesomeness: 2

Character Background: Teal
----------------------------------------------------------------

"I included a picture from the, ehrm, internet. Your halfling looks a lot like that but, you know, with a lute instead of a sword and bow"

[chrono]

Awesome? Chrono throws a quick look down the page, then back up. Yeah, I thought you'd be able to pull off something more... Awesome., Chrono sounds a bit nervous. Also that's not how you spell the name, but...
Even though he speaks fast you can see the idea striking him over the head like a hammer on an anvil.
What happens if your character dies? Reroll?

[Duke of URL]

Duke does his best to keep his jaw from hitting the floor once the session starts. Good lord, what have I gotten myself into? The chance of any good RP here is next to none!

He sighs, and picks up his (only) d20 and (only) d12 and rolls them as required.

[roll0]
[roll1]
[roll2]
[roll3]
[roll4]
[roll5]
[roll6]

Well, those suck... but a flawed character is a better chance for some good solid roleplaying action. After all, we all know that character power and roleplaying are inversely proportional. They're not good rolls for a Monk, but I'll make them work somehow, since I've got this 23-page background for a monk already written and I've been dying to try it out before I finish the other 90%.

"Finesse, that's the ticket. Let me assign those rolls as... strength 8, dexterity 16, constitution 8, intelligence 6, wisdom 17, charisma 4, and 'awesomeness' 3. Now, I'll play this as en elf monk, so that's a plus two to dexterity and a minus two to constitution... so that's..." he writes down, as if it were a 1st level character, and not a "0th level character":

Xian Li
LN Male Elf Monk
Abilities: STR 8, DEX 18, CON 6, INT 6, WIS 17, CHA 4, AWE 3
Feats: Improved Unarmed Strike*, Stunning Fist*, Combat Reflexes
Skills: Listen +7, Spot +7
BAB: +0; Grapple -1
Attack: Unarmed -1 (1d6-1, 20/x2)
Full Attack: Unarmed Flurry -3/-3 (1d6-1, 20/x2)
HP: 6 (1d8-2)
AC: 18 (DEX +4, WIS +4)
Saves: Fort +0, Reflex +6, Will +5

and then drops a 23-page handwritten document on top of it, calling it "backstory."

(( Rather than actually write a 23-page backstory, I'll just be making random references to things that are supposedly in there, because no one is going to read it anyway. ))

[Bayar]

Drek, the destroyer
http://www.unrulies.net/halfling.jpg
Race: Bard
Class: Halfling
Sex: Male
Player: Krono

Strength: 6
Intelligence: 6
Wisdom: 9
Constitution: 7
Dexterity: 10
Charisma: 14
Awesomeness: 2

Character Background: Teal
----------------------------------------------------------------

"I included a picture from the, ehrm, internet. Your halfling looks a lot like that but, you know, with a lute instead of a sword and bow"

*jawdrop* You could use your rolls to make a better character than this joke of a bard. I mean, what the hell are those stats? Constitution should get the 9 at least. I would put a 10 there and a 9 in DEX, and look for a race that grants a DEX bonus.

Writing his sheet, you can see that he has the following info:


Race: Dragonborn Fire Hobgoblin (+4 CON, +2 INT, -2 CHA)
Class: Domain Wizard (Transmutation)

STR: 9
DEX: 13
CON: 21
INT: 20
WIS: 11
CHA: 4
AWE: 1

Dragonborn of Bahamut chosen bonus: Wings
Familiar: Raven (speaks common)

Items: Spellbook (free)
Clothes (free)
Spell component pouch (20 GP)
Ink+paper+quill (cheap as hell)

Spells: all 0 lvl spells (mage hand at caster level +1 - domain bonus spell)
1st level: Magic missile, Enlarge person, Lesser orb of fire, Shield, Mage armor, Ray of Enfeeblement, Expeditios retreat (at +1 caster level, bonus domain spell), Summon Monster 1, True Strike.

Spells per day: 3+1 - 0 3+1 - 1

Need to buy: UMD MW tool

<some other things scribbled down that you dont understand)



Ok, I am mostly ready to send my foes to the abyss. Need some gold for a couple of tools. Oh and a wand for my familiar.

[chrono]

Chrono stares at Duke, then at Bayar, then Duke, then Bayar again. He throws his hands up in despair. Well jeesh, I wouldn't be here if I just had workable rolls to begin with. I guess the only thing left to do is compensate with loot and stay behind the monk in combat.

Chrono doodles on his character sheet nervously and whoever cares to look would see a bunch of scattered daggers around his character's image.

[MrEdwardNigma]

Hank looks nervously at Duke and bayar's character sheets, seeing a whole bunch of stuff he doesn't really understand.
"Ehrm, wait, lemme see that, you guys"
He grabs the sheets and starts scribbling on them eagerly, mainly crossing stuff out.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Xian Li
http://www.enworld.org/Pozas/Pictures/Oddballs/elf_monk.jpg
Race: Elf
Class: Monk
Sex: Male
Player: Duke of URL

Strength: 8
Intelligence: 6
Wisdom: 17
Constitution: 8
Dexterity: 16
Charisma: 4
Awesomeness: 3

Character Background: Read 23 pages attachment.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Dragonborn of Bahamut chosen bonus: Wings
http://spiderman.ugo.com/images/favorite-villains/hobgoblin.jpg
Race: Dragonborn Fire Hobgoblin
Class: Wizard
Sex: ???
Player: Bayar

Strength: 9
Intelligence: 18
Wisdom: 11
Constitution: 17
Dexterity: 13
Charisma: 6
Awesomeness: 1

Character Background: ???
---------------------------------------------------------------------

"There you go, you guys. I know it's hard, but you really messed up on some of the numbers, and then there was all that clutter on your papers..."

Hank guzzles down some more Dr. Pepper and looks at Chrono in surprise.
"What happens when you die? Well, ehrm... I'm not sure yet. I... I hadn't thought of that. But I don't think we'll have time to reroll characters during the game, will we? I mean, he-he-he-he-he, that'd just be silly, right? I'll come up with something though, don't worry"

[chrono]

Chrono opens his mouth to reply. Before Hank had spoken, Chrono had the urge to ask what happens in the case of a TPK, hoping to arrange a reroll, one way or another.

In fact he just stared blankly for a moment, jaw dropped while a general expression of disbelief sat on his face. He eyed the other players with desperation, looking for support or at least a bit of a compassion.

He then shrugs, puts his character sheet away and focuses on the cookies.
So are we ready to start already?he says without looking up. Might as well do, I wanna see how much loot I can grab before we all croak.

[Koga]

Koga thought about the two options, on one hand he'd be completely under the mercy of the GM and his crappy pre-made sheets. On the other hand: His rolls sucked royally. He thought to himself this is worst then voting...


"I'll take a pre-made character sheet too! A hobbit destroyer sounds pretty awesome."

Koga also thinks he's the only one who gets the useless hobbit reference. Althought the original had a mandalin, not a lute.

[MrEdwardNigma]

"See, that's the spirit, Chrono! I can't wait to get started either, but there are still some people working on their character sheets. There's even two people who haven't made their rolls yet!"
Hank looks rather angrily at RandomLunatic and H Savvy over the rims of his glasses, but then the glasses fall off his nose and he has to go look for them under the table.

Hank eventually ends up in the lap of Koga. He puts back on his glasses and says, rather embarrasedly "Oh, you want a pre-made character? that's great! Here you go. I only have one left now, you guys, so if anyone wants one I'd hurry up to say so. I'm looking at you, H Savvy! Well, I'm actually looking at Koga's crotch right now, but I didn't really mean to, he-he-he-he-he-huuuurk *cough *cough* *cough* "

While Hank is coughing in his crotch, Koga has a chance to look at his new character sheet:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
John John Binks
http://langstrump.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/jar-jar-binks2.jpg
Race: Human (He's just wearing a weird hat, okay?)
Class: Rogue
Sex: Yes, please :smallbiggrin:
Player: Koga

Strength: 6
Intelligence: 4
Wisdom: 4
Constitution: 12
Dexterity: 18
Charisma: 4
Awesomeness: 8

Character Background: I think he was a senator once, but they fired him two days after.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Koga]

Koga ignores the uncomfertable position he was in for a moment, guys wanting to get close to him was nothing new. Like if he was wearing a cursed ring of charm person...


He looks at his sheet and for the first time he's not talking. He just stares at it blankly, blinks alot.. then looks at everyone else, then looks back at the sheet.


"All in all I gotta' say you did a good job of making the character simaler to the person playing it..."

[RandomLunatic]

{OOC: That explains it-I always preview posts for spell-checking}

"That's what you get for taking my dice. I'll have those back, thank you very much," RandomLunatic says as he reaches across Chrono's face and retrieves his wayward polyhedrals.

[roll0]
[roll1]

[Koga]

Koga gets up to get another soda.

"I cast stinking cloud on you RandomLunatic, with the meta-magic feat silent spell..."


It was a silent fart. XP


He then comes back with two and cracks them open one in each hand. Spraying a little at RandomLunatic.

"I also have two-weapon fighting.." XP

He drinks one and the other, one and the other


"Did any of you remember to invite a sister or something?"

[RandomLunatic]

{Look, I am still learning the forum roller, OK?}

[roll0]
[roll1]
[roll2]
[roll3]
[roll4]
[roll5]
[roll6]

Ugh! RandomLunatic chokes out. Noting the numbers, he grabs a book of his, a eice of paper, and a pencil, and gets up, retreating to the corner and starts scribbling furiously on the sheet.

[Duke of URL]

Duke tries to rally the troops. "Guys... remember, it isn't about having the most powerful characters, it's about having fun. And conversation. Lots of conversation. Lots of conversation about our characters, their past, the future, what they're feeling. Character weakness are roleplaying strengths!"

Looking over at Koga, he continues, "that face-in-the-crotch thing actually reminds me of something in Xian Li's background... lemme see..." He flips through pages. "Yes, here on page 14. 'Xian was surprised when the Master grabbed him by the'... well, you can read the rest for yourself," he says as he pushes the tome over.

[chrono]

{{OOC: you should use 'rollv' instead of 'roll' if you want to see stats that work in our context. Pity, those were remarkably above-average rolls.}}

Chrono points at Koga's sheet and his hand hangs in the air for a bit. He speaks at nobody in particular and his voice is quiet, so with all the action around him and Koga attracting attention his words can be easily missed.
Hey...
I wanted to be the rogue, this one has pure awesome Dex too...
I could...
I could have had so much fun killing off enemies before the party can react...
And sleight of hand...
I...

It is pretty clear that Chrono has resigned to his fate, as he looks down and munches a few more cookies.

[RandomLunatic]

He returns a few minutes later, the top left quarter of the sheet marked with a semi-legible scrawl. One taking time to decipher the handwriting would learn it says:

Grogg
Race: Water Orc Dragonborn (Breath)
Sex: M
Size: M
Class: Lion Spirit Totem, Whirling Frenzy Barbarian
Player: RandomLunatic

STR: 24 (28)
DEX: 9
CON: 20
INT: 3
WIS: 2
CHA: 3
AWE: 16

Background: Grogg smash!

{Chrono: Now you tell me.:smallsigh:}

[MrEdwardNigma]

Hank gets out from beneath the table, knocking his head in the progress. He then grabs RandomLunatic's character sheet and looks over it.
"Heh, heh *wheeze* *cough* Ehrm, now, you didn't think you'd get away with this, did you? I mean, messing up the numbers can happen to all of us, but a 28? Here's the corrected version"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Groggy
http://img399.imageshack.us/img399/4500/orc3oe.png
Race: Orc
Class: Barbarian
Sex: M
Player: RandomLunatic

Strength: 20
Intelligence: 3
Wisdom: 3
Constitution: 16
Dexterity: 15
Charisma: 4
Awesomeness: 11

Character Background: Grogg smash!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

[Quxelopqr]

Qux sits calmly at the table, taking another drink when he finished the first one. "Here's my sheet Hank." Please don't screw it up too much.

Kam Gompizo
Race: Human
Class: Cleric
Sex: M
Player: Quxelopqr
Strength: 8
Dexterity: 3
Constitution: 17
Intelligence: 11
Wisdom: 20
Charisma: 11
Awesomeness: 2
Background: Sent by his God to go on a holy quest of some kind and probably slay some evildoers.

[MrEdwardNigma]

"He-he-he-he-huuurk. I think that's the first real good character sheet I've seen, Quxelopqr. I'm not going to change anything about it"

[Koga]

Koga thinks to himself and he rubs his hands together:
We are dealing with a mastermind here! Oh sure... he pretends to be a n00b, but all our attempts at cheating and powergaming have failed! And now I'm stuck being the rogue! They're going to want me to disarm traps and stuff! I saw that poison spike bed! If they think I'm gonna' be a 3.5 rogue they got another thing coming! Mo' like a first edition rogue! Mwahahaha!

[The Necroswanso]

"There we go, got the bare bones down. Tell me what yuh think Hank."
The Necroswanson hold his paper up for the GM to review. He keeps it within his posession however and keeps one hand over some text, obviously blocking it from being seen.

Name: Jericho
Race: Human
Class: Necromancer
Level: 1st level
Gender: Male
Player: Necroswanson
STR 11
DEX 7
CON 10
INT 17
WIS 6
CHA 13
AWE 6
Background: Seeking to gain the ultimate knowledge of undead and it's application of how it can be useful in the world.


The Necroswanson raises an eyebrow at Koga, who was apparently rubbing his hand together.
"A little cold for you Koga?"

[Duke of URL]

Duke sees the smile crossing Koga's face. "That's the spirit! I assume you've just thought of a few amusing anecdotes about your character that you'll casually drop into the game, right?"

[Silkenfist]

Silkenfist runs into the room, darting around the table, clapping his hands furiously: "Ooh! Ooh! May I play, too? May I? May I? Can I play a Wizard? I heard someone say on the internet they are awesomz? Prettyplz?" Before anyone can even think of interrupting him, he grabs a fistful of dice and tosses them across the table, scattering them between the other ones. Undeterred, he just picks up seven of them and declares them to be his rolls:

[roll0]
[roll1]
[roll2]
[roll3]
[roll4]
[roll5]
[roll6]

[Silkenfist]

"Yes! In your face, suckers! In your face!" Silkenfist jumps up and down and hits the table, causing soda to spill over all other character sheets.

Okayy.....
19 goes to Awesomeness, since Wizards are awesome
17 goes to Strength since Wizards are strong, too
16 goes to Wisdom cause he is also wise and ancient and badass and stuff.
13... 13 goes to Intelligence, I think someone on a forum said something about it.
10...10 goes to Constitution...I guess...
3 goes to Dexterity because I..uhm...I have no idea what it means
2 is Charisma cause y'know any more and he would be a queer pansy, right?"

He laughs childishly and runs upstairs to tell Hank's mum about his rolls and his awesome wizard.

[Koga]

-.-* <---This is Koga's annoyed look.


But the look quickly passes... The damn annoying child could be useful to him. For he is the key to controlling the game-master! He thinks to himself laughing inside his head:

I win L!
Err....Hank...

[The Necroswanso]

Necroswanson watched the newcomer, eyetwicthing, teeth grinding, digging his nails into the table. This was already shaping up to be quite a night.
As the child ran up stairs Necroswanson clutched his head as though he had just received a migrain, and let out a blood-curddling scream. A terrible high pitched shriek almost like you'd imagine that of a banshee.
When he was finished he took a drink from the large can he had removed from his backpack.
"Much better.
Did anyone else catch him saying his wizard would have 13 intelligence?"

[Duke of URL]

Duke smiles. "Yes, I did. He'll have a hard time playing up to a 13, don't you think?"

[Koga]

Did anyone else catch him saying his wizard would have 13 intelligence?"[/COLOR]
"Ah well, if he dies he dies. Let's get this party started!

Get it?! Party?! I made a funny!"

[Bayar]

I grab the GM's neck. Not to be rude or anything, but I have a switch-blade in my left pocket and an axe in my car.

The Dragonborn Fire Hobgoblin gets bonuses to his inteligence and constitution, and a penalty to charisma. So it is nothing wrong. (no really, it is true)

I appear to be kinda frustrated. But I will kill him if he tries to mess with my character again.

[Koga]

"Oooh!"

Koga gets out his webcam and takes a picture.


"This is going on my myspace lol!"

[Duke of URL]

Duke looks shocked for a moment, then his expression changes to one of interest, as he says, "Ooh... that gives me an idea for Xian Li's background," and starts scrawling some notes on some loose-leaf paper he has next to him, completely ignoring the fact that he is, indeed, sitting right next to an ongoing assault-and-battery case.

[chrono]

Chrono bites on a cookie, sighs, then in a flash jumps up, grabs bayar by the shoulders (from behind) and shakes him violently.
Come on, give it a rest. Let's just get this over with... Err, let's start, I mean.

[Quxelopqr]

"Heh, yeah. No sense killing each other here, save it for the game." How long until rocks fall and he dies? I give it 5 minutes. Quxelopqr takes another sip of his drink, knowing full well that a small kid with athsma wouldn't try anything on a kid with a knife with him.

[The Necroswanso]

Necroswanson snarls through his hair.
"And I Bayar have a buck knife in my backpack. I will not have you threatening our host. He was generous enough to invite you, it is his game and you should feel honored that he has not rejected it entirely.
If he sees it needing to be fixed he is GM and that is his perogative. Now pelase, take a seat."
His voice was harsh, cruel and biting. He did not infact have a bucknife, but he did remove his jewelry before entering. What he did have infact in his backpack were two iron maidens, several rings an a necklace with a pentagram. They were sitting for all the world to see however, so anyone could have called his bluff, but then again, the iron maidens would work just as well in his opinion.

[Koga]

"Damn you Necroswanso! You're ruining the fun! Hank could probably putup a fight. Did you know there are steroids in inhalers?!"

[Silkenfist]

Hasted steps announce the kid running down the stairs again, waving his sheet victorously. Completely oblivious to the growing conflict he pulls a chair with him and forces himself right between the DM and Bayar.
"Can we start now? Right now? Can we fight some monsters?" Silkenfist looks around, noting the irritated looks. "Oh, right. My sheet."

Dangalf the Black
Race: Tiefling
Class: Wizard
Sex: M
Player: Silkenfist
Strength: 17
Dexterity: 5 4
Constitution: 10
Intelligence: 15
Wisdom: 16
Charisma: 0 1
Awesomeness: 19
Background: On a quest to become the most powerful wizard in the universe.

"Guys...look at this. No, LOOK. I've been on the net again and they said wizards need more Intelligence. So I made him a Tiefling. Now he's super smart and his daddy is a Succubus...and the best thing is, he loses 2 Charisma and has 0 Cha. He's TOTALLY badass now."
As he stops to breathe, Silkenfist notices the rolling eyes around him. After one of the other players takes the time to explain to him what 0 Cha means, he pulls out an eraser.

"Boo. Rules lawyer. You're not fun. OK, I change Dex and Cha and then I remove two, that means..." he counts with his fingers for a while "I have 1 Charisma now. As badass as it gets, right!" He looks cheerfully at Necroswanso.

[The Necroswanso]

Necroswanson sighs.

"As abdass as it gets if you have the charm of roadkill.
Charisma is you ability to deal with people around you. Your personality. 1 is about the same thing you're doign now, only you're what, 12? What's your characters' excuse?"

[Koga]

"Don't listen to Necroswanso Silkenfist! He just wants all the glory for himself! I think your sheet is impressive!

You can trust me to help your character get all kindsof cool stuff. The character is only as badass as the player, these guys don't have the chutzpuh you do..":smallwink:

Koga just grins when he stops talking.

[Silkenfist]

"Bah...Charisma is something for weak little girlies. You don't need to deal with people around you if you're an all powerful wizard yourself, right? You need nobody, just go around and throw Forcecages at anyone who disagrees. Got it?"

Hearing Koga's praise, Silkenfist's eyes begin to glow. "Really? You want to see how it goes on, too? I thought of making him Evoker, right. So he gets more Missiles and Fireballs and stuff. And this Abjuration and Transmutation stuff you don't really need."

[Koga]

"Really? You want to see how it goes on, too? I thought of making him Evoker, right. So he gets more Missiles and Fireballs and stuff. And this Abjuration and Transmutation stuff you don't really need."
"That sounds really good.. But I personally would keep transmutation.

I mean think about it like this... would you rather fry your opponents with a fireball?

Or crush them down to sand by using space and time itself? With my knowledge of quantamn physics, you could litterally make the sky fall on us if you wanted...

But then, fireballs work too. The principle is the same. Don't mess with the wizard...":smallwink:

[The Necroswanso]

Necroswanson raises an eyebrow.
"Forcecage!? Isn't that World of Darkness?"

[Koga]

Necroswanson raises an eyebrow.
"Forcecage!? Isn't that World of Darkness?"
"Yeah, you'd know alot about world of darkness gothboy...

LET'S FRIGGIN GET ON WITH THIS! WHILE WE'RE YOUNG!"

He looks over at Silkenfist;
"So Silkenfist, you got any female friends at school?":smallwink:

[MrEdwardNigma]

Hank seems to be hyperventilating because of the sudden activity of the players. First off all there's that brat Silkenfist who came running in uninvited
((No, seriously, I don't even recall Silkenfist being in the recruitment thread... I mean, I 'd like to let him in because he's playing his character very well and above all entertainingly, but that'd give other people a reason to just barge in too... Sorry, Silkenfist, but unless H Savvy is okay with you replacing him since he's the least active player, you're not in)) and then there was everybody suddenly discussing stuff and throwing character sheets around, but just when Hank is about to protest he's grabbed by Bayar and threatened.
Bayar gets pulled away by the others soon enough, but the damage is done and the GM fals to the floor crying, occasionally pauzing to wheeze for bit, only to go back to crying some minutes later. As far as getting the game going is concerned, this probably wasn't too good a move.

The upstairs door opens and Dan enters the basement. Dan, the roleplaying legend. Dan looks nothing like the cliché D&D geek but with his thin and muscular body, his tan, his long blonde hair with streaks of brown and his goatee he looks more like a surfer. His T-Shirt however gives him away, reading "Feed the GM" with a humorous drawing of a GM chomping up some character sheets.
"Hey, what's going on here? Who upset Hank like that? Don't you guys know roleplaying games are about having fun? Does this look like fun to you, eh? Does it?"

Dan shakes his head and walks down the stairs. He then consoles his brother a bit and drags him back up on his seat.
"Make sure that doesn't happen again, you brats" he says, and then he returns to the upstairs, dragging out the uninvited Silkenfist with him.

Hank fixes his glasses and dries his last couple of tears. He then adresseshis players, avoiding the gaze of Bayar.
"A-All right... Let's continue"

Hank grabs Necroswanso's character sheet, accidentally ripping off the part he was covering with his hand.
"O-Okay... That looks good, I guess... Oh, I, ehrm, added a picture..."

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Jericho
http://redwing.hutman.net/~Mreed/Assets/necromancer.jpg
Race: Human
Class: Necromancer
Sex: Male
Player: The Necroswanso

Strength: 11
Intelligence: 16
Wisdom: 6
Constitution: 10
Dexterity: 7
Charisma: 13
Awesomeness: 6

Background: Seeking to gain the ultimate knowledge of undead and it's application of how it can be useful in the world.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

((For clarity, Hank doesn't know abour racial bonuses. Don't even try explaining it to him. Each and every character sheet ever posted by Hank is a final one, and will not be changed. Also, threatening the GM in real life will only lead to being kicked out of the game or being crushed by rocks in the game. Sometimes to both. Besides, this might be a silly game, but you don't go aroudn threatening your GM, do you?))

[The Necroswanso]

Necroswanson groaned at the picture.
"Couldn't even be Ming the Merciless, damnit."

He shot Bayar a murderous look.
"I trust you won't be pulling that bull**** all night will you?"

Having just been struck by his muse Necroswanson digs through his backpack finding his colored pencils. He begins scribbling on the picture, blocking any from viewing.
"heh heh, fumanchu"

If you choose to thwart his attemtps at hiding the picture however:
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y158/selkhet/1copy.jpg

[Koga]

Koga thinks to himself how his plan is ruined...

Or is it?

Koga writes down a note and gives it to Bayar.


Yo, I think you were perfectly in the right man. You worked hard on your character. You and I should work together. We could easily crush these mongrels! Specially gothboy, I don't like him...

Make sure to tear this note-up when you're done reading it. Claim it had to do with out of game stuff that I didn't want getting around.

PS: Do you have a sister? : )

[RandomLunatic]

After engaging Hank in a short but fruitless debate about the concept of 'racial bonuses', RandomLunatic idly drums his fingers on table while sipping his soda and waiting for the game to start-since none of the commotion involved killing, looting, leveling up, or threats to his personal well-being, it was not worth paying attention to.

[MrEdwardNigma]

The upstairs door opened again and Silkenfist snuck back in. It was just as well, really, because H Savvy had just eaten some cookies off the wrong plate and was now hanging over the downstairs toilet looking all green.

((Yes, this means Silkenfist is in and H Savvy is out. H Savvy bended out to give him a chance to play. You'd better honour this chance given to you, Silkenfist. Hilarious picture by the way, Necroswanso))

Hank looks a lot better now, and he seems to have forgotten about most of the incident with Bayar. He seems to have made some changes to his papers though.
"All right, I'm going to get these last three character sheets in order and then we can start playing! I just can't wait, you guys!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dangalf the Black
http://partypazzazz.com/wizzardLrg.jpg
Race: Tiefling (Wait, wait, wait, aren't these supposed to be thieves?)
Class: Wizard
Sex: Male
Player: Silkenfist

Strength: 17
Intelligence: 13
Wisdom: 16
Constitution: 10
Dexterity: 3
Charisma: 2
Awesomeness: 18

Background: On a quest to become the most powerful wizard in the universe.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

[The Necroswanso]

Necroswanson snarls as he bears witness of the note passing from Koga to Bayar.

"Oh now I'm not one to jump to conclusion, but please dear sir Koga, I hope you are not plotting a misdeed are you? Or do you just have something to say to your lover you cannot say infront of us. Please, have no fear, we accept you. Speak aloud, I will not judge your life decisions, atleast, outloud."

[Bayar]

Sry for LARP'ing. He seems to be tearing apart a small piece of paper. Nah, that wont work. *smirk*

[chrono]

Well...
Chrono eyes Hank and you can feel the impatience in his voice.
I suppose we're all sitting in a tavern looking for trouble... err adventure? 'Tis your turn, Hank... We need to get started with the looting.... Which reminds me - don't we have some killing gear on our person already?

[Bayar]

heh, gear is for fighters. A tome of magic is better.

[Silkenfist]

((Woo! Thanks a lot Savvy *bows to his benefactor*, I shall honor your sacrifice with all the juvenile arcane badness I can muster))

Silkenfist takes a seat at the table quietly. Apparently, Dan had a 'talk' with him earlier including proper etiquette at the table of his brother and consequences of not abiding its rules. After ten seconds of sitting still, sweat is already visible in his palms and not before long, he starts fidgeting with the other player's dices again. When he notices that someone looks at him, he tries to stop immediately, which causes a stack of d6s to fall of the table. He opens his mouth to ask why they haven't started yet, but closes it again when he remembers the talk with Dan. Instead, he slumps around on the chair, trying to collect the d6 with his feet without someone noticing.

[chrono]

Chrono gives Bayar a look of desperation.
You're right... I need a lute.

[Bayar]

Lute's are nice, but overused. Get an axe and add some strings to it. You can now play songs and bash your foes. Or just learn to sing with your mouth good enough. It is the same thing as a lute.

Just dont get that "Summon instrument" crap spell. It is a trap !

[MrEdwardNigma]

((Sorry about my earlier post, I had to go somewhere urgently and couldn't finish the three character sheets. After this post I will update the first post to include all nine (yes, nine...) character sheets))

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kam Gompizo
http://www.battleloremaster.com/images/game/clerictoken.gif
Race: Human
Class: Cleric
Sex: Male
Player: Quxelopqr

Strength: 8
Dexterity: 3
Constitution: 17
Intelligence: 11
Wisdom: 20
Charisma: 11
Awesomeness: 2

Background: Sent by his God to go on a holy quest of some kind and probably slay some evildoers.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Harry Potter
http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/151/PP0597.jpg
Race: Human
Class: Wizard
Sex: Male
Player: Hank

Strength: 12
Intelligence: 20
Wisdom: 20
Dexterity: 12
Charisma: 20
Awesomeness: 50

Background: He learnt magic at a magic school!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I hope you guys don't mind I rolled up my character before you arrived, but I only did it to us some time. I mean, Dan always says you should make proper preparations before your players arrive. Anyways, you guys, on to basic equipment. Bard's get a lute, barbarians get a sword, wizards, and necromancers I suppose, get a staff, rogue's get a dagger, monks get a piece of rope and clerics get a bible. Wizards get ehrm... Fireball and Feather Fall as their basic spells, clerics get Turn Undead and necromancers get Turn Into Undead. You all have some regular clothes as well, off course. Anyways, let's get this campaign started!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The mythic land of Europe is in trouble as a dark lord has risen. He who shall not be named came from the depths of hell itself and has raised an army the likes of which have never been seen before upon his arrival in this world. This army has taken over most of Europe as the dark lord led them from his stronghold in Shkl'dk'tk, a barren land full of rock and volcanoes. It is still possible to travel freely through Europe, but the Orcs who serve the dark lord are everywhere and freely raid and pillage. These are dark times, but there's plenty of money to be made by adventuring.

Our story begins in a small tavern called The Small Tavern. It's in a small village called The Small Village. The Small Tavern only has few chairs and tables, as it's too small to fit in any more, and they serve nothing but beer, because it's only a small tavern. Here our heroes meet by fate, while being served by Bob, the bartender.

[Bayar]

I get up from my chair, walk slowly towards the nearest wall and bang my head in it. Then I calmly get back to my seat. If you are wondering, it is an allergic reaction... . I go to Bob and tell him to give me some money. It is for a good cause. To save the world !

After a few moments...I am tempted to kill Harry Potter. He is evil and probably undead.



Harry Potter
Race: Human
Class: Wizard
Sex: Male
Player: Hank

Strength: 12
Intelligence: 20
Wisdom: 20
Dexterity: 12
Charisma: 20
Awesomeness: 50


No constitution score. So that means he is a undead spawn of hell.

[MrEdwardNigma]

No constitution score. So that means he is a undead spawn of hell.

"That's...actually a good point, Bayar. Lemme fix that..."

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Harry Rotter
http://www.dphotojournal.com/images/tutorials/zombie/zombie-tutorial-02.jpg
Race: Undead
Class: Wizard
Sex: Male
Player: Hank

Strength: 12
Intelligence: 20
Wisdom: 20
Dexterity: 12
Charisma: 20
Awesomeness: 50

Background: He learnt magic at a magic school! And then he died.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Bayar]

I write a note on a piece of paper and give it to Koga.


Lets kill the dead character first. Then we can slaughter the retarded wizard.

Rip this note when you are done reading.

PS: No, I dont have a sister. Do you ?

[The Necroswanso]

Necroswanson motions as Bayar bangs his head ont he wall.
"My sentiments exactly."
He begins to contemplate his actions.
"I cast a fireball at him and BoB."
He motions to Bayar again.
"They're obviously in cohoots with this dark lord."

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
"He-he-he-he, forget who you are playing already, Swanso? A necromancer can't cast fireball!"

In-Game
The door of the tavern opens and Harry Rotter walks in. Some of the townsfolk cheer on this awesome undead wizard and someone offers to buy him a beer, but Harry refuses as he's underage. Instead he lurches up to the bar, leans on it and asks for a glass of milk. He looks around the bar and nods at Jericho and Dragonborn Of Bahamut Chosen Bonus Wings in acknowledgement, raising his glass of milk to them.

Out-Game
"See, that's how you do a proper character introduction, you guys. You guys just sorta wanted to start attacking the barkeep without roleplaying the slightest bit! You really are going to have to do better, you know. Don't worry, I'm confident you'll learn. Oh, and Bayar, can I just call your character Wings for short, because that name you chose is really long!"

[The Necroswanso]

Necroswanson scratches his head.
"Wait. A Necromancer is a specialist wizard. If I don't get fireball, what spells do I get?"

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
Hank sighs loudly.
"I know it's hard sometimes, but you really have to try to remember stuff like this. You get Turn Into Undead. I-It's basically a spell that allows you to make a zombie out of a corpse, okay?"

[Bayar]

[Really OOC - God, you are playing him too well. I mean, if he was my DM in real life, I would kick him in the crotch and call the police to arrest him on the charges of being an ass. Ah well...]

Out-game No. :smallannoyed: . It is a being so pure and powerful, it would use the holy powers of bahamut to smite your abomination of a character. You can call it...Jirix.

In-GameSo, you called us here to kill Hitler a certain dark lord? I would rather kill someone around these parts rather than go all the way across Europe to stab a guy. Bob, do you need any help in eliminating the undead scourge plaguing your tavern?

Out-Game Just use your necromantic powers to control bony ass over there...

[Koga]

Koga nods at Bayar in agreement then rips up the note.

"John John Binks goes to look for some liquor bottles to steal. Something to take with him on the road.."

He writes another note, this time to Silkenfist.


Silenfist, when I get the liquor, I'm going to "accidently" drop it on Harry Potter. Then you can use a fire spell to light him abalze. Liquor is flammable, it'll have a simaler effect as dropping gasoline on him.

If Harry Potter lives, you will never get the glory as the most badass wizard! Look at those stats! Harry Potter must die!

Also tear this note up when you're done. Not all of our comrades are as clever as we are... They wouldn't understand...

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
Hank laughs.
"He-he-he *snort*. Look, you guys, first of all Harry Rotter didn't call you there, he's just another player. You just all happen to be in the inn at the same time. No-one really called you there, I'm just trying to let you have a bit of character introduction. Also, there's no liquor in the bar, just some kegs of beer. I did say Bob only served beer, right?"

In-Game
Bob, the bartender, looks at Wings.
"Who? Harry Rotter? But he's so awesome! I do have something you could help me out with though, but it is a dangerous quest...Many have fallen..."

[Koga]

Koga says "Oh yeah, I guess you're right..."


Koga then goes to greet this Harry Potter and grabs a big mug of beer to go give to him. He then stumbles a little "WHOOPS!" and spills beer on Harry.

(NOTE: In character talky will be in bold text)

[The Necroswanso]

((Jesus H Christ this reminds me of when my firends and I first started playing.))


Necroswanson simply shrugs at his ability to simply make dead things, undead.

"Alright then. Well, guess I'll get into character.

Blah blah blah, obvious necromancer guy walks in. Sits next to the wet Harry Rotter and nods."

"Hey, how's it goin'?"

[Bayar]

IC: I see dead people. Or, to quote the raven...
Raven: Holy ****.

[chrono]

OOC: chrono totally ignores bayar and starts roleplaying:
IC:
As Drek hears the barkeep's words, he swipes loudly over the string of his lute a few times. The loudness and tonality are likely to attract everybody's attention:
Mannyyy have faaalen
and they can not get up
as the ale
was stale
and the quest was a trap!
The vertically-challenged bard looks around and continues.
You guys wanna hear the story of an epic adventure?

[chrono]

OOC: chrono totally ignores bayar and starts roleplaying:
IC:
As Drek hears the barkeep's words, he swipes loudly over the string of his lute a few times. The loudness and tonality are likely to attract everybody's attention:
Mannyyy have faaalen
and they can not get up
as the ale
was stale
and the quest was a trap!
The vertically-challenged bard looks around and continues.
You guys wanna hear the story of an epic adventure?

[The Necroswanso]

"Jericho gives Drek a very unhappy stare."

"No, for the love of everything good and delicious in the world, no."

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
"You guys, you do realise Harry Rotter is my player character, right? There's no need to be mean to him"

In-Game
Harry Rotter groans as the beer gets thrown on him.
"It's okay, I guess, you didn't mean to. Say, adventurer, have you heard of any good quests in the area? My name is Harry Rotter, the undead wizard, and I'm looking to destroy the army of the Orcs"
Harry extends a hand to John John. He also nods in a friendly manner to Jericho.
"I'm doing pretty well, the beer on my clothes is not so bad"

Some of the people in the inn look up expectantly at Drek.
"Yes, go on, tell us a story, halfling!" Bob the innkeeper yells.

[Quxelopqr]

IC: Kam walks into the bar, and sits down to listen to the halfling's story. He seems wary of the undead wizard, and keeps his Bible handy, ready to turn it at a moments notice.

OOC: Quxelopqr chuckles to himself at the note passing. "Oh come on guys, let's hear what mary sue harry potter has to say."

[Koga]

OOC:
"Hey Bayar, you know any fire spells?"

IC:
John John shakes his hand. "Thanks! Me'sa so clumsy! Me'sa would love to make it up to you and help you destroy the orcs! Are they bad?"

[Bayar]

OOC: yeah, Lesser orb of fire.

IC: I cast a spell at the ambulant corpse. (the one above)
Damage: [roll0] And you should spontaneouslty combust right about...now.
The raven says: burn ***** burn ! (this was self censored BTW)

[Silkenfist]

OOC: Silkenfist keeps hopping around on the chair, reading Koga's note. When he feels like someone is watching him, he quickly puts it away, immediately forgetting, where exactly he had put it. Eagerly, he chimes in: "Ooh, Ooh, Dangalf does something too. He takes a bucket of water, throws it at the burning corpse-ting, then casts Feather Fall on it, so it gently falls, quenching the fire."

IC: "Anyone here called for a... wizard?"

OOC: Silkenfist turns around to the others, smiling broadly and begging for applause.

[Koga]

OOC:
"Silkenfist what were you thinking?! Uhhh...wasting spell-slots like that... It's...Uhhh... It's too early, to be using up all your spell-slots. Be more conservative with your spells next time..."

Koga scribbles a small note and gives it to Bayar.

Ok, the little one is useless.

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
"Now what did I just say, Bayar? Harry Rotter is a player character! My player character! He is not evil! At least Silkenfist is still paying attention. Also, bayar, you have no raven. I don't know where you get this stuff, really""
As Hank says this he looks at Silkenfist who is hopping around on his chair rather worriedly.

In-Game
You cast fireball at Harry Rotter for some reason but luckily Silkenfist immediately puts it out.
"Thanks, sir wizard! You are mighty brave! Would you like to join me and this man here on our quest to destroy those foul Orcs and their dark lord?"

[The Necroswanso]

Necroswanson rolls his eyes.

"Shouldn't play with fire dear sir. You might burn the tavern down."

[Silkenfist]

OOC: Silkenfist clenches his fist under the table, withholding a cry of triumph. This time when he brushes against the table, the soda cans even remain standing. Happily, he looks around the table and speaks in a mock adult voice and mimicks stroking a beard, only emphasizing the fact that he lacks both the hair and voice to do so accurately.

IC: "Why yes, good sir. I see you are a good man. I shall join you on your quest to..."

OOC: Silkenfist stops and looks around. Nervously he leans over to one of the other players and whispers: "What was the quest again?"

[Quxelopqr]

IC:"Kill some orcs and stop a dark lord." Kam finishes for him. "I'll come along as well, throwing fireballs all over, you'll likely need a healer."

OOC: Qux said his piece and waits for a response. Finally, some plot.

[The Necroswanso]

"If you're in great need of help, I'm sure my ability to make the dead arise may come in handy."

Necroswanson considers his comment a moment. Hank's book seemed to be having him work things backwards, or atleast, he chose to do so.
"Please Hank, refresh my memory. What do you mean by, I can turn dead things into undead. Do you mean like Harry Rotter over there and I can make zombies, and morgs, and wights; or do you mean I simply make them not dead anymore?"

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
"Well, Necroswanso, a necromancer can turn dead things, like a skeleton or a corpse, into an undead thing, like a skeleton or a zombie! Isn't that just awesome?"

In-Game
"Very well, that makes us six! Would anyone else like to join our group? perhaps we can even take the perilous quest this innkeeper here is offering, or perhaps we could talk to that mysterious stranger in the black cloak who's smoking a pipe in the corner of the room"

[The Necroswanso]

or perhaps we could talk to that mysterious stranger in the black cloak who's smoking a pipe in the corner of the room"
(((OW!)))



"Oh ofcourse, it all makes sense now. Got it."
Inner monologue-> *What's his angle? There's something he's up to.*

[Bayar]

OOC: Now this game would lead to flaming IMO...I am considering a withdraw. I mean, no raven familiar?!? Is this guy a total moron ? Why the **** would I make a wizard in the first place? And since when can a wizard cast create water? It is a ****ing divine spell not a ****ing arcane spell.

Out-game: I have a raven FAMILIAR. Look at the wizard class description.


In-game: Ok. I will join you. Just dont expect me to save your bony ass anytime.

[Silkenfist]

OOC: Is this guy a total moron ?
((*silently points to the title of the thread*))

In-Game: ...on your quest to kill the Orcs, right. Where do we start?
Out-Game: Seeing there is no combat already, Silkenfist's attention fades somewhat. Absent-mindedly he takes a small piece of paper and starts doodling on it.

[Bayar]

OOC: ****. :suicide:

[chrono]

chrono looks around the room for a moment. What do you need a familiar for? Those things are damn near useless - you can't kill stuff with them and you sure as hell can't snatch loot... On the other hand you did get a staff, and Everybody knows wizards fly on their staffs.
Chrono winks at Bayar. It is somewhat obvious that he's trying to see if playing a bard made him king of the bluff.

So anyway, Drek pulls the strings of his lute to attract attention.
Are you sure you want to hear an epic legend? I mean I've picked up lots of dwarven songs about beer and bar brawls.
He then gives Harry a glance.
You'll need someone in this quest who knows how to find places and people of importance. Everybody knows we bards are unbeaten in that regard.
After the people in the tavern have pretty much settled down, Drek starts off with a catchy tune on his lute:

Long ass f*** time ago in a town called Kickapoo
There lived a humble family, religious through and through
But yey there was a black sheep and he knew just what to do...

If Drek doesn't get interrupted the tale continues to describe the adventures of a young man who went off into the big world. There is surprisingly few battles in this story, but the hero gets plenty of praise, rewards and loot throughout the epic. Virgins too, lots of virgins.

[Bayar]

Add some CC skill points in Use magic device, and presto ! If your familiar can speak common, it can use wands. and other magical items. And it uses YOUR use magic device modifier.

And it is long ass ****ing time ago. Dont **** with Teanacious D's lyrics.

[chrono]

Chrono shakes his head, his bluff being called. He then shrugs:

The epic is told through the bard's perspective. Looking at Drek's stats you would probably know he's not one to care for grammar or correctness of any kind.

[Koga]

OOC:
"Looking at ALL OUR STATS you would probably know we're not one to care for grammar or correctness of any kind..."

IC:
"Well what'sa we waiting for?! There's some bad-men to stop!"


OOC:
"Yo GM, there's really been no description what exactly makes the orcs bad. I mean sure they're orcs, and they got a leader, whoopty friggin doo. So does every culture. I mean what do these guys do that's evil? Do they throw babies in volcanos to appease their fire god? Do they rape our women? Do they have Obama posts in their yard? I'm rolling a friggin skillcheck on my knowledge of orcs and their culture to see what makes them so incredibly evil..."
[roll0]

[Silkenfist]

OOC: Silkenfist stares at Koga with a blank expression, waiting for a few seconds whether he would explain what he said. "But...they are Orcs...aren't they?" He keeps staring at Koga with a puzzled expression, not knowing what his actual point is.

[The Necroswanso]

Necroswanson sighs.
"It's safe to assume Bayar that he's playing with a defective copy. Just roll with it until you find out what your staff is good for."


"They probably eat babies. Human babies. They taste like cookies."

[Koga]

OOC:
"We should all roll a knowledge check to see what we know about orcs, we could piece together what we know, and use that as a tactical advantage against them. Like are they more solitary or do they huddle together in big family units? What sortof weapons do they use? Are they adept in more primitive magics like wildshape?


We don't want to get caught off guard, I don't trust the rotting flesh wizard. I mean sure he's a good guy... apparently... but he's undead, he's probably forgotten how easily it is to die when your mortal and have internal organs and crap holding you back!"

[Koga]

OOC:
"We should all roll a knowledge check to see what we know about orcs, we could piece together what we know, and use that as a tactical advantage against them. Like are they more solitary or do they huddle together in big family units? What sortof weapons do they use? Are they adept in more primitive magics like wildshape?


We don't want to get caught off guard, I don't trust the rotting flesh wizard. I mean sure he's a good guy... apparently... but he's undead, he's probably forgotten how easily it is to die when your mortal and have internal organs and crap holding you back!"

[Silkenfist]

OOC: Silkenfist just keeps staring, nothing what Koga said made any sense to him. "But we... we can just look online. There is the System... System Retro Document. There we can read just that." He feels a little bit of pride, telling an older gamer something. Still he wonders whether Koga could really be as dumb as his questions.

[Koga]

OOC:
Koga puts his feet up on the table and kicksback.

"Ok fine, don't listen to me. Infact I think I'll stay safely in the tavern while you all go fight an army of orcs and their savage leader when we know nothing about them. I'm sure you'll do fine..."


"I have plans, but I'm not going to tell you them unless either
A) Out of the grace of God a chick gamer comes through that door.
Or B) I'm promised all the good ****..."

[MrEdwardNigma]

OOC: Now this game would lead to flaming IMO...I am considering a withdraw. I mean, no raven familiar?!? Is this guy a total moron ? Why the **** would I make a wizard in the first place? And since when can a wizard cast create water? It is a ****ing divine spell not a ****ing arcane spell.

Out-game: I have a raven FAMILIAR. Look at the wizard class description.


In-game: Ok. I will join you. Just dont expect me to save your bony ass anytime.

OOC: Bayar, you're taking this way too seriously. I suspected so when I saw your last OOC post, but it's pretty obvious now. It's a comedy game! It's not about who ahs the most awesome character, it's about having fun. Were it about having awesome characters I wouldn't have given Chrono such a horribly underpowered pre-made, nor would I have given Hank such a terribly overpowered GM PC (In fact, he wouldn't have one at all were this a serious game...). If you're not going to be able to behave and enjoy this game, I strongly suggest you bend out. Also, Dangalf never used a water spell, he simply used a convenient bucket of water nearby, which the GM allowed because it was convenient.

Out-Game
"I haven't got to that part of the book yet, Bayar... Just get on with the game, will you? Oh, and as for what the Orcs do, people, all of the above. The baby eating, throwing them in volcanoes, raping, LARPing, everything... I'll check your knowledge check to see if you know anything more about them..."

Hank takes out a sheet of paper and starts scribbling on it, pearls of sweat appearing on his head.
"Right, so 14 as luck score, add the zero and the four for wisdom... Carry the one... Difficulty class 10... One extra bit of information for every extra 5..."
He looks up rather pleased with himself and wipes his forehead.

In-Game
John John remembers that while the Orcs live in large clans most of the ones in the dark lord's army travel around as relatively small warbands or guard encampments in larger numbers. The Orcs worship the dark lord as their god and disobedience to him is a mortal sin. They will give their lives for him.

The people in the bar cheer for the bard and ask for another tale, but they do suggest a little bit more violence. The belt lashing alone wasn't quite enough.

"Yes, I agree, we should destroy the Orcs! But we cant just go over there and kill them, we should have a plan... Maybe we should even get some experience before engaging the Orcs?"

[Koga]

OOC:
"Wander around outside and level-up?! Did someone teleport me into a final fantasy campaign?! Blaaaah!"

Koga thinks to himself how if they're small orc bands, the PCs could easily take out the armies one by one. Even if the lord sends all his men after them they'll be expecting that, and the orcs don't know we got wizards...

Koga also knows that his party is never gonna' give him ****! So he rubs his hands together and sneers under his breath.


"I have a plan! And it doesn't involve wandering around outside and leveling up!

I will disguise myself as a beautiful human harem, yes.. and you will take me to the orc camp as sortof a gift, think trojan horse Only... it's a transvestite...

Anyway, once I get in there, I can assasinate the orc lord while his guard is down, preffbly when he's naked and my poison daggers can stab his soft fleshy parts...


Without the orc lord, the orcs will erupt in anarchy! They need a pack leader..

From then on we can just slaughter them or leave them to rip eachother's hair out, it doesn't really matter, tthis plan is fool-proof!"


In-character JohnJohn explains the plan in suggestive mannerisms and slang terms. Then goes to put on his "diguise". It's implied that though the PCs see what JohnJohn looks like under the mask, those out of of character will never know, leaving anything to the immagination.

http://anime.osiristeam.net/images/reviews/ls_suzukona.jpg
"There! Mwahahaha! Those orcs are gonna' get rick-rolled!"

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
"Riiiiiight... The orc lord is the dark lord, right? Even though he's, like, not really an orc? Aaaaaand your character wants to kill him right now? In the beginning of the game? Despite the fact he lives deep within the orc lands and is the most well guarded person alive? And rumored to be immortal? Well, I didn't tell you about that yet, but I assumed you weren't going to try killing him right away. He's all the way across the continent, you guys! Also, I'll need a disguise roll for that disguise... A reeeeeaaaally good one"

In-Game
Harry laughs at John John's suggestion.

[Koga]

OOC:
".......Well I'm keeping the disguise on. Even us amoral rogues like to feel pretty once in awhile....":smallyuk:

[Silkenfist]

OOC: Silkenfist takes his chair and shuffles away from Koga as far as possible. This WAS getting scary. He tries to think of a good offbeat comment for Koga's...plan. Failing to come up with one, he starts doodling again, drawing an anatomically modified version of John John while trying to get his voice into character again.

IC: Fool of a Binks! We are heroes. And heroes don't dress up to... to... to go to bed with the villains. We shall rightly defeat them with our powers.

OOC: No, really? Silkenfist had calmed down somewhat. Why can't we just go out and attack these... he fails to remember what the Knowledge check had yielded.these groups of Orcs. And if they're too big for us, we'll move on and look for a group we can beat until we level up.

[Quxelopqr]

OOC: Well, given that we are at level 0, we probably should level a little bit." To chrono he adds "Nice TD reference."

IC: Kam tells Harry "We can get experience by fighting the orcs as well as from other sources, but the orcs would not only get us experience but further our goal. The disguise plan, while crafty, might not work. Does the dark lord even like human women?"

[Koga]

OOC:
"You know, I actually had an idea for a sidequest, it could get us the level-up we need..."


Koga passes a note he takes out of his pocket to the GM.


The sidequest involved us finding an ancient relic, which is a lightsaber! And only the chosen one (that'd be me) can activate the lightsaber!

The functioning properties of the lightsaber is bassicaly a hilt that the chosen one can activate and pure scorching flames comeout! It creates a vorpal effect combined with the 2d6 basic fire damage! It can be used with your dexterity check instead of strength, and can also be used to deflect melee and ranged attacks.

[The Necroswanso]

Necroswanson raises an eyebrow as Koga explained his insane plot.

"You know those plans Koga, those ones that are so crazy they'd automatiocally work? Yours was the opposite. So crazy it is in fact, doomed to fail. Lord knows someone who has obtained the mantle of Dark Lord isn't fooled by men dressing as women, and his keep is most likely not a tent, and he's probably too smart to fall for something like that. Especially if he was more interested in watching, if you catch my drift.
Oh well, onto my knowledge check.

[roll0]"



"Indeed getting our strengths up by ridding the world of the lesser pests seems quite the plan. We work our way up."

EDIT: (((Hey, who'd'a thunk it. Rolling inside color code makes your roll colored too.)))

[RandomLunatic]

{OOC: Sorry I dropped off the map there-been covering for everybody at work this weekend. No time to post.)

OOC
At the mention of leveling up, Random zones in. "We can start by killing everyone in the tavern and then burning it down. Last time I did that, the DM gave me 750 XP. He called it 'Roleplaying XP', which I thought was a strange name for a tavern, but hey," he shrugs, "I was not complaining.

I will start."

IC (Sort of)
"I grab the the guy sitting to my left, and use him to club the guy sitting to my right. That is-" and starts rolling dice-"24 to grab, 26 to grapple, WOO-HOO!!! CRITICAL HIT, BEYOTCH!! For 36 damage!!"

OOC
He looks up glefully at Hank.

"They are dead, right?"

[Koga]

OOC:
"Am I the only one here who isn't bat**** crazy?"

IC:
JohnJohn hides under a table. Hoping the madman doesn't come trying to kill him for EXP...

[The Necroswanso]

"It may be very safe to assume so."
Necroswanson takes a sip from his drink.
"Jericho is going to crack Random's character over the head with his staff. It's at +15 due to Wizard's staff profficieny, plus his 'Silence the ridiculousness' Wizardness."
he rolls a die.
[roll0]

[chrono]

IC:
Well this singing halfling needs a drink or three. Drek looks around in expectation. Throat is dry, I'll try something with more violence. Maybe a tale of the Dark Lord's conquest, his one weakness and the hierarchical organization of his secret assassin army.

As some more violence unfolds, he adds: Or maybe I should just stick with the dwarven bar fight songs. I'll tell ya about the Dark Lord in a more plot-critical moment.

OOC:
Chrono scratches his head and smiles weakly: Heh, I didn't expect so many people to get the reference. Well, moving on.

[RandomLunatic]

RandomLunatic shook his head in bemusement. There was always one one in every group that would go and try to screw things up. Sure, they always said something about 'Preserving the plot', or 'Keeping the character in line', or 'I have been wanting to do this out of game all &^$@ing night', but in truth, their reason was always the same.

He smirks at Swanso. "You are just jealous you did not think of it first."

[Silkenfist]

OOC: Silkenfist leans on the table, chin braced against the palm. He doesn't actually understand what happens around him but the fighting seems to be PvP and is probably just toying around with their character's personalities. He takes a few d6 from the players next to him and rolls them on the table absent-mindedly again and again...when he suddenly remembers something.

"I GOT IT!"

He leaps up and leans over the table, causing more d6 to be thrown off the table.

"The barkeeper! He said something about a quest. We can do that!"

[Duke of URL]

OOC: Duke looks up, all of a sudden, from the dozen or so new pages of text he's scrawled. (( If I'm ever behind in posting, let's just assume that I'm lost in writing the multi-part novel of Xian Li's extended backstory. )) "Oh, we've started? Good."

IC: Xian Li considers his choices carefully. The correct course of action seemed obvious, but his many years of training have led him to be a disciplined, rational person, and not a creature of habit or instinct. Every choice can have a ripple impact on the world around, and therefore must be considered deeply, and with full awareness of how it reflects, and is reflected by, the experiences of the past.

As Xian considers, he bears in mind his many lessons from the monetary; how each of the Masters stressed control and discipline. Oh, how his legs still ached from the punishment levied out when he...

OOC: (( At this point, I'm going to assume that someone by now has said something to the equivalent of "shut up and get on with it!" )) Duke scowls. "Just setting the mood, guys."

IC: Yes, it was time to make a decision, and Xian Li went for the bold one. "I'll have the wine, please," he says to the barkeep. The he hears talk of fighting orcs, and he agrees to go along without hesitation.

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
"Suggestions won't be necessary, Koga, I think I can handle DMing just fine, thank you. As for you, RandomLunatic, you can scream you got a 26 or a 24 all you want, but don't you need to actually roll the dice first, eh? And Necroswanso, please stop making up suff. I mean, wizard's staff profiency?"

Hank picks up another of the apricot cookies and munches it down, soon turning pale.
"Urggggg..."

He then rolls a die as he tries to wash away the cookie with some Dr. Pepper.

((Post continued below...))

[MrEdwardNigma]

[roll0]
"Right. Knowledge roll. Now, let's see, 20 wisdom, add the one and the zero, difficulty 20..."

In-Game
"I remember that the dark lord was some form of demon, Kam, but I can't seem to recall if that means he doesn't like human women... If only I could remember if he had tentacles..." says Harry. before he gets time to further ponder this question though, Dangalf shouts out and suggest they take the innkeeper's quest.
"Yes, sir Dangalf, that does seem like a splendid idea!"

Drek, the destroyer, is offered a beer by one of the guests in the tavern to encourage him to sing on.

Xian Li asks for some wine, but the innkeeper shakes his head.
"Sorry, lad but we only sell beer here. Nothing else. At all"

[Bayar]

I try to use my staff, to determine it's magical properties.

In-Game: Umm...waves the staff around...Abracadabra...no...Ingy-bingy ! ...not that either...please? ...not a real magic word...mellon ! :confused: Ok, I will just make a knowledge check to see how to use my staff's powers (not how to bash things with it).

Knowledge (arcana): [roll0]. 4 from my inteligence bonus and 4 from my 4 ranks in knowledge arcana.

OOC: Will try to have fun. I kinda get the concept of the game now :smallbiggrin:

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
"Wow, when did I say the staff had magical properties? You just use it to lean on and look impressive... Also, no-one has any ranks in any skill. We're still at level zero here, you guys, he-he-he-he-he *snort*"

[Duke of URL]

IC: Xian Li frowns, but accepts a beer anyway. A disappointment, but life is full of them. He muses over the disappointments suffered in the past, speculates about the ones in the future, and finally settles on those in the present, complete with the pain and heartache that they cause, while he drinks his disappointing beer.

"Before we set out, we should probably get to know one other, so that we can be a more effective and unified team."

OOC: "C'mon guys, let's hear your characters' backstories -- at least the parts you aren't keeping secret for later. It's way too early to just be rolling dice around!"

[The Necroswanso]

RandomLunatic shook his head in bemusement. There was always one one in every group that would go and try to screw things up. Sure, they always said something about 'Preserving the plot', or 'Keeping the character in line', or 'I have been wanting to do this out of game all &^$@ing night', but in truth, their reason was always the same.

He smirks at Swanso. "You are just jealous you did not think of it first."

"Oh but ofcourse. The first thing I wanted to do with my low wizard strength was start a fight and burn the bar down. Makes perfect sense.
Are you done making weird accusations yet?"

[chrono]

IC:
Hey... wow... hehe. Thanks!, Drek exclaims.
I haven't had such a good reception since, well... Since last night I guess. Which reminds me... where did that chick go? That one... the red haired...
She said she'd call...
The halfling shrugs and gulps almost half his mug in one go.

OOC:
Chrono glances around the small room nervously. Come on you guys, I swear that if we don't go out of the tavern this very instant you will hear the entire Lord of the Rings epic, idiot halfling bard adaptation style. And have no doubt that Drek will not shut up until he's recounted the entire story... twice!

IC:
The halfling pulls the strings of his lute, this time a lot more gently.
Well then, something with more thrill, a bit of violence...

The halfling started playing a quiet tune, as the introduction of his story was a narration, rather than song.
It was a small village, much like this one when I come to think about it, and not too far from here. Many passed through, but few stayed. Their beer wasn't much good, see?
You're lucky to have decent brew I tell ya.
The halfling raises his mug in salute to whoever got him the beer, then puts the mug down and continues.
{{OOC: and next post he will continue unless he's (hopefully) interrupted.}}

[Quxelopqr]

IC: "Name's Kam. I'm a cleric, sent by :insert God of choice here: to go on a holy quest and slay some evil. This sounds like a holy quest to me."

OOC: "Hank, is there any specific God my character worships? You never gave me a pantheon to choose from."

[The Necroswanso]

"I must end this madness."


"Good sir bard. I'll give you four beers, to stop playing.."

[MrEdwardNigma]

IC: "Name's Kam. I'm a cleric, sent by :insert God of choice here: to go on a holy quest and slay some evil. This sounds like a holy quest to me."

OOC: "Hank, is there any specific God my character worships? You never gave me a pantheon to choose from."

Out-Game
"Oh, errrrr, yeah... I'd ask a knowledge check, but you should probably know your god by default... This campaignworld has only one god: the allmighty benevolent Hank! So I suppose you could be a worshipper of Hank. Sounds great, right?"

[The Necroswanso]

"Almighty Hank!? You're kidding, right?"

*Is this a game, or masturbation?*

[Koga]

OOC:
Koga looks at Quxlopqr when the GM declares the only god is the great Hank.
"Now you know why I'm a nihilist..."



IC:
Sense everybody else is either sensely attacking npcs or rolling knowledge checks just for the hell of it. JohnJohn goes outside, where's it's safe, and noone will think he was partof this massacare.

[Koga]

OOC:
Koga looks at Quxlopqr when the GM declares the only god is the great Hank.
"Now you know why I'm a nihilist..."



IC:
Sense everybody else is either sensely attacking npcs or rolling knowledge checks just for the hell of it. JohnJohn goes outside, where's it's safe, and noone will think he was partof this massacare.

[Duke of URL]

OOC: Breathe... breathe... in with the good air, out with the bad air... try to relax... this group probably isn't so bad if you give them a chance... awww, screw that!

"Look guys, I thought we were here to ****ing roleplay, not start lobbing fireballs at everything that moves or tear up a tavern on a whim. Even if it is the crappiest tavern I've ever heard of." At this, his eyes dart to Hank for a moment, with a brief and silent chastisement for his complete and utter failure to have prepared a richly detailed, vivid world for them to adventure in.

"We're all in the tavern, there's a quest laid out for us... can't we just stop the silly stuff, make some proper introductions, and start actually playing the g*****n game?"

Shocked by his own outburst, he quickly blushes and hunches over his stacks of paper, at least pretending to write again.

OOOC: Here's what I have for the roster, please let me know what I've got wrong:

{table]Player | OOC Persona | IG Character
Bayar | Serious player, powergamer, slightly psychotic | "Wings", Fire Hobgoblin Wizard
Chrono | Resigned to the session, somewhat rash | Drek The Destroyer, Halfling Bard
Duke of URL | Thespian stereotype, "can't we all get along" attitude | Xian Li, Elf Monk (with 35+ page, and growing, backstory novella)
"Hank" | Idiot DM | Harry Rotter, Undead Wizard (DMPC/Mary Sue)
Koga | Powergamer, metagamer, obnoxious | John John Binks, Human Rogue (with a cross-dressing fetish and a desire to sell out [or kill] the party at the first opportunity)
Necroswanson | Goth | Jericho, Human Necromancer (who'd have thunk?)
Quxelopqr | (???) | Kam Gompizo, Human Cleric of Hank (on generic "holy mission")
RandomLunatic | (???) | (???)
Silkenfist | Kiddie noob | Dangalf the Black, Tiefling Wizard[/table]

[The Necroswanso]

Necroswanson sighs.

"If we must. However much as a man always introduces himself first before asking a name, you have volunteered yourself to start."

[chrono]

{{OOC (no, really :smallbiggrin: ): I resent that, Duke, I'm trying to pull off a somewhat rash and unpredictable (although you got "resigned" right) persona. I guess I'll try harder.}}

IC:
The halfling pauses for a second and looks up.
Well, there's an offer of 4 biers here. I ain't one to disappoint the crowd, but my dad always told me that you can read what the people want by how much drink they offer you... or by how many tomatoes you have to dodge...
So I guess we'll have to leave the epic for tomorrow.
He puts the lute down.
You know, everybody was so nice. If I'm still around tonight I promise I'll tell you the story.

OOC:
Okay, that's settled. Now how's about we go kill some orcs and put a 1 in front of that 0 level deal?

[MrEdwardNigma]

In-Game
The people in the tavern decide to top the four beers and offer the halfling seven to tell the tale.

Out-Game
"Yeeeeeeah, look, I forgot to mention this, buuuuuuut you each only have about enough money for three beers, ssssssso...Yeah"

OOC: You got Hank right, Duke of URL, but you forgot Silkenfist in your roster...

[Duke of URL]

OOC: Duke looks up, still somewhat red-faced. "Of course..."

IC: The elven monk stands and bows slightly to the assorted adventurers. "I am Xian Li, student of the arts of unarmed combat. Ever since my old master Kong Shei was killed by a band of marauding orcs, I have sworn to seek his vengeance on his killers. Since I know not which band of orc was responsible, I must therefore destroy all that I can find."

"Of course, I am no stranger to idea of taking on a task that may seem impossible to some, but..."

OOC: Duke trails off as he starts rifling through his stack of papers that apparently got out of order during his previous outburst.

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
Hank sighs as Duke trails off and there just doesn't appear to be an end to his story. Eventually he interrupts.

In-Game
"Right, and my name is Harry Rotter. I have learned the art of wizardry in the greatest school of, ehrm, wizardy. Dogwarts was the name of the school and it's teachers all liked me, doing personal favors for me and such. This was because I was the chosen one. I was, ehrm, chosen to destroy an evil wizard who threatened the world. I fought him on many occasions, but during my final year at Dogwarts it was finally time for our showdown. I was face to face with the evil wizard, fighting his evil magics with my youthful innocense and bravery. And then I, ehrm, died... It was rather unfortunate, really"

[Koga]

JohnJohn is outside laughing at the chaos probably going down inside the bar.

OOC:
"I look around for something, anything that could be useful to me.."

Koga goes to get the blue dice, blue are always lucky! Specially for a search check!
[roll0]

[chrono]

Ey! Get a grip.
Drek yells out and waves his (somewhat stubby) hands.
I'm flattered and all, but... Do you think this here halfling can down eight beers? Come on, I had a few last night and I still can't find my damn keys! Not to mention I can't remember that redhead's name let alone where she lives! It ain't easy being this lightfoot, let me tell you that.
So since I'm pretty sure we'll be going in a bit, I'll just tell you a short story and we'll leave the epic for later like I promised, OK?

The halfling sits down again and plays a soft tune, and starts telling the story of a calm small town just outside a deep and mystical forest. The people there worked hard and lived more or less happy lives, trying to make the best of it and help the town grow. One day a professional barber and also traveling salesman (working on the side, you know *wink*) arrived at the town, liked it very much and decided to stay. The people were overjoyed, since only civilized towns could boast with a population that gives a damn about their beard's trimming. Also in small towns you went to the market to buy junk. In modern towns junk was brought straight to your door for a nominal fee (or so the barber said).
So people tried to befriend the newcomer, going to his home buying his murky brews. They had some effect, that's for sure as people felt stronger and fitter after drinking them. It was strange that their skin grew pale and their eyes sank more and more, but the barber said it was fashionable in the big city, so people were even happier. Few went in the bars and taverns and fewer still heeded the words of the wise bards telling them to stop the madness or at least run far away.
So one full moon when the wolfbane bloomed, the pale townsfolk suddenly felt ill and died instantly. But they didn't stay dead for long - they arose as ghouls to feast on the flesh of their former families. The townsfolk got to arms...
*insert detailed bardic account of heroic fight and lots of blood and torn limbs*
Just when it seemed that the villagers were winning, out came the barber and struck them down with a razor sharp blade and flaming potions. He tore the beating hearts out of his victims and put them in his salesman bag. He was then seen leaving the town and as he did the ghouls collapsed, but their souls stayed to haunt the town forever!
One bard heard the salesman sing a dreadful song that could not be repeated as it would drive a lesser man insane. But the bard being of the fearless and talented persuasion wrote a song of his own for this account, and the song went something like this:
The halfling's voice soared (pretty unexpected, which probably startled more than a few of the customers who were by now used to the tone of the tale).
Never more to feel the pain,
the heart collector sang
"And I won't be feeling hollow for so long"
never more to feel the pain,
the words fall out like fire
just believe when you can't believe anymore.

OOC:
Chrono takes a deep breath, actually sings this almost at the top of his voice, to the horror of the others. He then sighs, takes another deep breath and says the following so fast that Hank doesn't have the chance to interrupt:
Hank, are you messing with me? Cuz I'm pretty sure you are. I'm also sure that you're trying to have us stay in this basement for a day listening to my interpretation of the LOTR while we slowly starve and start gnawing on each other's limbs. Is that what you want? Eh? Eh? Then stop offering beers and let's go outside and kill some orcs already.
Chrono takes a deep breath and you realize he probably didn't inhale while saying the above.
Hey, come to think of it, do you have a beer?
(chrono's not underage)

[Koga]

Koga is now scribbeling notes comparing costs and factors into if it would be more practical to purchase (IE: steal) magic scrolls of poison or just buy normal mudane poisons.


The cost of normal alchemy poison is stiffer, but scrolls can burnup, be misread, or even be ruined with a smudge, alchemy poison is more realiable. More importantly, alchemist poison is more controllable when you want it to infect a foe.

Koga loves poison. OM NOM NOM NOM delicious cake... Infact he scribbles down his big scheme.


Step one: Steal everybody's gold and buy poisons
Step two: ?????
Step three: PROFIT!


It has a little stick figure of him ontop of a hill of corpses that say "---blaaah! we've been poisoned!" and Koga's ontop of them
"--That's right bitches! I'm your god now! Bwahahahaha! Delicious cake!"

[The Necroswanso]

Necroswanson begins banging his head on the table. To accomidate the noise his forhead is making he shouts in his most heroic tone.

"AND I AM JERICHO! MASTER OF THE-
STUPID STUPID STUPID
ARCANE ART OF RAISING THE FALLEN FROM THE DEAD! I HAVE STUDIED COUNTLESS YEARS THAT I MIGHT AID MY KNOWLEDGE IN THE FIGHT AGAINST THE DARK LORD!!!"
And with the last bang he does not lift his head. A small trickle of blood runs onto his sheet.
"I will lend you all I can in the fight against these orcs."

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
"Oh, yeah, Koga, I forgot you went outside..."

In-Game
Well, there's the stables where there's a few horses parked and some typical stable stuff, like hay and pitchforks, and then there's a couple of houses in the village and a small chapel for Hank; The village is on a hillside and lower down are the farmlands whil higher up on the top of the hill there's an Orc encampment with a single windy rock road leading up to it. There's several guardposts along this road.

Out-Game
"It's pretty much up to you guys where you go, you know, Chrono. Oh, and nooooo, I don't have beer. My mom doesn't even allow me to come near it. My brother Dan has some up in his room if you want to go ask him though"

[Bayar]

Since when are horses parked? Arent they suposed to be stabled? In a stable?

I go and start the complicated process of invoking a familiar. Something your puny minds cannot even comprehend without it leaking out through your ears. it will take about....24 hours.

If not, I will start meditating, so that I may focus on training my concentration skill.

[MrEdwardNigma]

Since when are horses parked? Arent they suposed to be stabled? In a stable?

I go and start the complicated process of invoking a familiar. Something your puny minds cannot even comprehend without it leaking out through your ears. it will take about....24 hours.

If not, I will start meditating, so that I may focus on training my concentration skill.

OOC: You're probably right about the horses thing. Guilty as charged. I have heard English people say it though, but that's no excuse. Maybe me not being English is, but hey, on to more important matters.

Out-Game
"Errrrrr, you only have two spells, Bayar. Feather Fall and Fireball. I never did say you could invoke a familiar... And meditating? I doubt I'm going to give you much skill points for that"

OOC: Fun fact: I once ran a campaign where one of the characters could meditate as a skill. Now, this wasn't D&D and I had made clear that meditating would only work once in every long period that passed (this was a game that lasted several in-game ages) but the player would just keep on spending his turns meditating on the off chance it would help him. This meant that he didn't go out adventuring like all the other players but sat in a cave and meditated. It also meant his turns weren't very long. I imagine it was probably not a very fun game for him, but he wouldn't listen when I told him all this meditating was a waste of time...

[Bayar]

Hmm...so I have feather fall...useless spell for me because i have ****ing wings, and fireball...now that sounds promising.

I go out into the vilage, grab a random guy and tell him to give me a sharp weapon or money or join my side as my ...ehm... "familiar".
If he refuses, burninate him with a fireball and repeat with a new guy.

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
Hank laughs heartily.
"No, no, no, you got it all wrong! Your name is Wings! Well, it's actually loooonger, but that's just too much of a mouthfull. Anyways, heading out, are you?"

In-Game
You grab a random person in the village and ask them for a wapon. after you realsie it's John John you're holding you drop him and grab someone else instead, a poor farmer wearing rags this time. Then you shouts something about needing weapons and money in his face and the guy is clearly more scared than he's ever been. He quickly tosses four coins out of his pocket and stumbles "This is all I have! Please spare me, I have a wife and children!"

[Koga]

OOC:
"I go to that rocky road to meet with some orcs, mind you I'm still in disguise.."


IC:
Koga runs up the rocky road to see if he can find orcs, if he does. He acts really girly and defenseless. Out of game he even tries to put on a girly voice to give you the feel of his character. (He puts on a lisps and ends up sounding like dane cook when he puts on the high-pitch voice)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ok5L_5LO8jk

"Orcs! The villagers! They got together a band of psychotic adventurers to come slaughter you! I know you don't know me, but one of your top officers is my boyfriend! He uhhh....he's just ashamed of me cause I am a human, but this is serious buisness! Those adventurers will come and kill you all! Prepare and don't let my hubby die!"

Bluff check: (Pink's good for charisma!)

[Koga]

Bluff:
[roll0]
Or maybe that was green lol...

[The Necroswanso]

"TRAITOR!"
He shouts, his face still planted firmly on the table, and pointing in the general direction Koga's voice came from.

[Bayar]

OOC: Wait, but I have wings, that let me glide. It is all in my racial description...I mean, why the hell would I go through the rite of passage to transfrom myself from a hobgoblin into a dragonborn (a dragon actually) ? To get one of those bonuses. Sure, I cant fly with my wings, not yet. I can use them to fly at level 6, but until then, i can glide 20 Ft for every 5 ft that I go down.

It is in the rulebooks. Check Races of the dragon !

IC: ****. I didnt want to scare the guy. I only wanted help. Ah well...money for a good cause.
I search for a weaponsmith or a weapon shop in town.

[chrono]

Chrono waves his hand in dismissal (he's obviously not going through all the trouble of getting up for the sole purpose of getting beer).
Now that we know what we're up against, I know where Drek wants to go.

IC:
Depending on how the people took his violent epic, Drek passes a hat around. Once that's done, he tries to get a little bit of info on the orcs (especially for alternative routes) and once that's done he goes outside and stares in the direction of the orc base.

[roll0] (gather information: orc base)

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
"Koga, you still haven't made that disguise roll, and until you roll a thirty on that or something I'm not allowing that disguise, I mean, seriously!"

In-Game
Wings lets the terrified villager go, who runs up the hillside. His search for a weaponsmith or weapon store isn't very usefull as there are only a couple of houses, a tavern and a chapel in town. There's a small setup in the stables for fixing horseshoes, but that's it.

Meanwhile Drek manages to earn as much money with his singing as Wings did with his robbing people: four coins. Each coin is worth one of the terrible beers they serve in The Small Tavern. Also, you can't make out much of the orc camp as it's terribly far away. This is a very big hill. As for alternative routes to the camp, you see none from where you're standing.

Out-Game
"Fine, Bayar, I'll allow you to glide" Hank says, sick of this discussion. Then he adds "When it's convenient for me..."

[Bayar]

My name is not Wings.

Lets go to the orc encampment, kill them all for some petty racial conflicts (since most of us are racists) and take their stuff. I need a sword or something sharp.

Oh, and I go to the stables to see if I can get a horse.

[chrono]

Drek gathers the coins in his pocket, says farewell to his audience and joins Wings on the way to the stables ("Wings" rolls off the tongue better than "Dragonborn" - you're stuck with that as a name or a nickname :smallbiggrin: ).

A horse would be good. A pointy stabbing implement would be better. Drek would settle for any weapon more fashionable than a pitchfork (assuming the absence of swords and daggers, a scythe will do if he can find one).

OOC:
Hey, racism or not, they eat babies. And kick puppies from what I gather. I'm assuming various odor offenses in addition to a total lack of table manners.

[Koga]

OOC:
"Ok fine, I guess I don't go warn the orcs about our plans of genocide... hmmph..."

He thinks for a moment...

"I have an idea!"


"With my mad skillz in disguise guys, we can take these pitchforks, and I'll dress us all up as devils right? And we go up to the orcs with our horses and arm ourselves with the pithforks and tell them if they don't change their amoral ways we'll take their immortal souls!


Thus scaring the orcs straight, saving the village, and not having to lose a damn bit of HP..."

[Silkenfist]

OOC: Silkenfist rests his head on his forearms, waiting for time to pass. It has been almost an hour and still none of them had gained any XP. At that rate, it would take a while until they were level 20. Also, it appeared that everyone else was running around wildly. Is that really how pen & paper is being played? He thinks about it for a split second and gives it a try on the off-chance to get involved again.
"Dangalf leaves the tavern, too. Then he..." Silkenfist pauses, thinking for a while "he goes out and around the town until something happens."

[Silkenfist]

OOC: Silkenfist rests his head on his forearms, waiting for time to pass. It has been almost an hour and still none of them had gained any XP. At that rate, it would take a while until they were level 20. Also, it appeared that everyone else was running around wildly. Is that really how pen & paper is being played? He thinks about it for a split second and gives it a try on the off-chance to get involved again.
"Dangalf leaves the tavern, too. Then he..." Silkenfist pauses, thinking for a while "he goes out and around the town until something happens."

[The Necroswanso]

"you know Koga, that would almost work. However we would have to hope the aren't aligned with such monsters. Afterall, you don't become Dark Lord by associating yourself with a good aligned higher power.
So, unless the orcs are in cohoots with Asmodeous himself, you plan has a chance of succeeding, other than that, we're screwed. So, rather than going with your one line suicide runs, how about we figure out a real plan."
He sits upright, blood smeared across his forhead.
"If that's alright with you. Because I don't think the rest of the group is going to run off and die simply because you want them too. It would help you if you weren't blatantly obvious about your attempts to kill us."


"Perhaps we should form a plan. First, we can find out everything we can about these orcs. Battle plans, who they're allied with. What they're capable of. Then, we go around, get stronger. Then, we come back, and strike in the dead of night."

[Duke of URL]

OOC: Duke chimes in, "and develop our characters, too, remember! It doesn't matter how many levels we gain or what loot we find if we don't have deep, interesting characters to play!"

IC: Xian Li nods. "Yes, this would be an excellent time to develop my skills and seek to probe the deeper meanings of my actions."

[Koga]

OOC:
Koga's mind now wanders sense nobody wants to listen to his crazy and often life threatening plans...

"I wonder if dragons use pitchforks as like... dinner forks?"

Koga scribbles his team-mates being eaten by a dragon and offering the dragon a pitchfork to use to eat them more sophisticated-like and trees and vines are in a big bowl with his screaming team-mates as an adventurer salad...



He fiddles with a red d20, trying to think up a plan that doesn't involve jeopardizing his team-mates. In a bored sigh fiddeling with the die he says;


"I guess I could disguise us as orcs to infiltrate their base... maybe..."

[The Necroswanso]

"Getting warmer, but we are still currently 'Level 0',"
Makes the quotation hand sign.
"Which means we lack the basic abilities, regardless of what we can cast, to make that plan useful. I think we're stuck killing vermin for a good while.
Either way, infiltraiting and orc encampment is NOT a good idea. Figure it out."

[Koga]

Koga writes down his plans to dip into assassin and shadowdancer. (Two viable options for the rogue) but not excell at either. Just enough that he can dimension-step to flank a foe then stab them in the ribs with a death attack. Preffbly a longblade or rapier type weapon with a high probability of success rate.


He also writes down the probabilities of killing his comrades as this "backstabbing whore" build. The necromancer will be tough, what with the undead hordes and the immunity to save-or-dies, (not to meation he could rebuke JohnJohn's shadow minions if he even went that far into shadowdancer..) the monk's evasive possibilities will be too sick for him to flank successfully, the evoker mage would probably be the easiest to kill as he would suck in close-range, but he's just stupid enough to blow us both up.

And the bard? The bard could possibly enthrall JohnJohn, but that would require and outside force to then destroy his JohnJohn.


Evidently it doesn't look as if even at his optimal build he'll be in any position to smack these oafs around. His only hope is that the other power gamer thinks up a plan to dispose of some of the threats.

As he writes all these graphs and percentages that look like when a football coach goes over a game plan.

[The Necroswanso]

Necroswanson sighs as Koga begins scribbling again. He casually stands, abandons his post, and just as casually take a seat next to Koga. He sits, hands folded, and whispers quietly, and professionally.
"Now I know we haven't gotten off on the right foot. But you and I, we're not that different. Don't take that for face value of course. Now, if our gentlemen friend Silky overthere had even half a brain he'd know what was going on. The only people who could possibley be oblivious are Hank, whom I'm considering to be some sort of mastermind, and our gentleman thespian. Though he seems too caught up in his novel of a character than anything else.
I know what you're doing. And you know it. And we both know it's not going to succeed. You don't have the power, you'd have to catch us all in our sleep, and that will get very hard considering our strange little DM, even harder knowing I can smell treachery a mile away.
However, you and I have the same goals. These other people are sheep. Too lost in the game to forsee the grand scheme. However I know exactly what's going on, and I couldn't be more ashamed. You're too obvious. You can do better, and I'm willing to offer you better. We could easily trick these other morons out of the loot, atleast most of it. Enough to get us the kind of power required, and then show them to be the livestock they are. Make lackies out of them. However being obvious won't get you where you want to go, and neither of our plans will function if we're working against each other. So I'm offering you a shaky little truce, atleast, an accord to work together for these means, and when it's all done, then we can battle for supremacy. But until then it will be far too difficult, maybe even impossible, for either of us to gain any ground here."
Necroswanson stood up, the entire time he hadn't even looked at Koga.
"If you understand, simply nod."
He returned to his seat, making no attempt to remain quiet during the last statement.

[Koga]

Koga nods and scribbles more. He also starts scribbling ideas for monsters.

Were-platypus!
Sexual harassment panda!
One eye, one horned, flying purple people eater!


Stuff he might summon... if he wants to dip in spellcaster...

[MrEdwardNigma]

In-Game
There's about three horses to steal in the stables, but the only things remotely like weapons seem to be four pitchforks, a hammer, a shovel and some ropes.

The man robbed by Wings seems to be talking to some of the Orcs up the road.

For those still in those still in the tavern, the stranger in the black cloak who's smoking a pipe in the corner seems to be getting impatient. Bob, the bartender, also seems to be getting quite desperate.
"C'mon now, I've got a perfectly good quest, isn't there anyone who'll take it?"

Harry Rotter puts down his glass of milk and smiles at the innkeep, which is quite unfortunate as his dead lips don't make for a charming smile.
"I'll take this deathdefying quest of yours, innkeep. I'll help you if it kills me. Who'll join me on my epic quest?" he yells.

"Very well, brave sir adventurer. I need help with my basement. There are some terrifying monster in there, rats, big as houses"

This gives Harry Rotter a scare. "Big as houses, sir innkeep?"

"Oh, did I say houses? I meant mouses"

OOC: Yes, I'm aware it's mice, however, Hank is not. Thank you, that will be all.

[chrono]

IC:
Drek examines the slim pickings, takes the hammer and returns to the tavern just in time to learn of the new quest.

Tossing the hammer into his hand, he murmurs. Ah well, boring tools like pitchforks could be expected. Rope too, but I'm way too skinny to be dragging shovels and ropes around. Not to mention I don't wanna. But a hammer... It has a ring to it, it has potential. I should pick a battle cry, something along the lines of "It's hammer time", except better since that one isn't really cool and will never catch on. And then I'm all set for glory - a hammer-wielding bard is a sight so stunning that it will surely be remembered - instant classic.
He then suddenly stops his monologue, looks at Harry and says:
Well then, we're set. Let's go, unless you feel you need more help to kill a few rats.

OOC:
Ahh, rodent bashing, Chrono says, classic quest for level zero adventures. Now let's go level up. I'm going right now, whoever's lost touch with reality can just keep babbling on.

[Duke of URL]

OOC: "Hey, wait a minute... I thought you said they only served beer here? How did Mary Sue... er... 'Harry' manage to get milk? Oh, never mind... let's do some mindless rat killing so we can get on with the business of actually advancing the story." Duke does, by the way, know exactly what Koga is up to, but couldn't care less, as it's the closest anyone else at the table has gotten to developing any kind of character, except maybe Chrono/Drek.

IC: "Yes, vermin can be a nuisance. One of my many chores at the monastery was searching for signs of rat infestation, although we did have cats to take care of the problem. There was one cat in particular, Samson he was called, I believe, who I had a special bond with. I would bring him scraps of meat from the kitchens and he would try to claw my eyes out to get at it. It was an excellent way to practice my defensive techniques, you see."

OOOC: I'm going to add "metagamer" to Koga's OOC persona description, all the better to differentiate him from the other "powergamer" variants.

[Silkenfist]

OOC: Yes! Silkenfist chimes in. Finally some action. We shall fight those monsters and...oh, wait. He tries to pitch his voice deeper and slower as he continues.

IC: We shall fight those monsters for you. How many XP will they bring?

OOC: Silkenfist notices that the others look at him again ((I sure hope, you do)). Don't look at me. Maybe the guy in black has more.

[Quxelopqr]

(ooc: sorry about the lack of posting, my internet's been shaky lately.))

ic: Kam goes along with the group to kill the rats, commenting to Harry "But aren't you already dead? How can you die twice?"

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
"The milk? Oh, ehrm... I suppose they serve milk too. They ahve some cows outside. Yeah, that's it! Cows!"

In-Game
"Good question, sir cleric. Let's go find out! There's five of us, that might be enough to face this terrible threat!"
Bob, the innkeeper, gives Harry the key to the cellar and you all head outside and into the cellar door you had somehow failed to notice earlier but is obviously there nonetheless.

There are some crates downstairs and barrels lined up against the wall. At the back of the cellar there is a squeaking and several rats can be seen in front of a large hole in the wall. They don't seem to notice you, despite the fact that you're not that far away from them.
"All right, men, what's the plan?"

[Koga]

OOC:
"I take the shovel! The shovel is all mine! The versatility of the shovel is paramount to a rogue and his brilliant plans!"


Infact Koga goes over a plan he just thought up when he heard the word "shovel"...

"You assclowns lead the orcs down to the village right? They charge into battle and I dig holes lots and lots of holes and they trip and fall in them! They'd be easy pickings to kill at that point because they're prone, flat-footed, and unable to make any actions besides strength checks to get out of their predicament. Not to meation I get sneak attack bonus untill they get out of the hole and even then still have like a round of sneak attack...


This has to be my best plan yet!":smallbiggrin:

[The Necroswanso]

"Rats Why does every ****ing adventure begin with killing rats in a cellar?
Whatever, Jericho goes along. And I guess since they're unarmed he'll just start stoomping on them."


"Wretched beasts! How dare you...Burrow holes under this tavern. BEGONE!"

[Duke of URL]

IC: Xian Li enters his combat meditative state. In the blink of an eye, he ponders the existence of a rat, it's purpose in the Great Wheel of Life, and it's soft, defenseless points. Strike like a cat...

OOC: "Yes, we can use our contributions to the plan as a way to reflect the personalities and desires of our characters! Perfect!"

[The Necroswanso]

"Or you can quit annalyzing everything before you get the Freaudian slip and just play the damn game."

[Koga]

OOC:
"I refuse to degrade myself to fighting little rats, I don't play Final Fantasy for a reason! I implore that if we just come up with a decent plan and use our common sense, we can tackle any ordeal! With this shovel I could defeat a red dragon!"


Koga scribbles a stradegy drawing depicting him digging a hole, and the dragging tripping over the hole and falling prone, sneak attack to his eyeballs, the dragon is now blinded and suffers a 20% concealment penalty to all attacks, against anyone...


"If I can do that to a dragon just immagine what I could do to those orcs! I'll fight them myself if I have too... I'll show all of you!"


IC:
JohnJohn refuses to fight stupid rats when there are orcs to contend with. And gets up on a horse with a shovel holsterd on his back and kicks it to move up hill so he can takeon the orcs.


OOC:
He passes a note over to the GM.

When I meet the orcs I'm going to ask them to trust me and help them attack my comrades. Cause they're morons...

[The Necroswanso]

"That's an all well and good idea. Except that if there's ANY semblence of the original rules in that book you'll need a strength score of atleast 20 to hit anything. You're level 0, you have a base attack bonus of 0, AND you're wielding a shovel, which is an improvised weapon at a -4 penalty. Just because you say you can kill a collosal red dragon with a stare doesn't mean you actually can. If you wish to kill yourself fine, go ahead, hell, I'll even help you by sending undead rats at you.
BUT if you actually WANT to play the damn game, the rest of us will be here NOT acting like stuck up spoiled retarded mongoloid children. SO, ARE YOU DONE YET!!!? Because if you're so god damned willing to derail the ****ing game, you don't actually have to play! Just because you have no intention of enjoying it does't mean others don't aswell. So, anytime you're willing to cut this **** out, is good.
I'm not going to pretend to know what's on that paper you handed Hank, but I'm willing to guarentee it's along the lines of, "I don't like where this is going, I'm selfish, they should die now." And everyone here knows I'm right.

NOW HANK! WHAT DO I ROLL TO STOMP ON AND DAMAGE THE RATS!!!!!!!?

[Silkenfist]

((I think I know what is expected (http://www.casual-gamers.com/comikaze/comics/00000010.jpg) of me here :smallwink: ))

OOC: The rats are there? Waste no time! Fireball! All of them! Silkenfist nearly jumps up from his chair at the first sign of some actual roleplaying happening instead of directionless blathering. He settles down again as he sees the others don't share that much of his enjoyment. Calmer, he asks Hank: How much damage did I?

[Koga]

OOC:
"You said so yourself, we're at level zero, that means no awesome undead spells for you! Less by undead minions you meant you were going to throw the dead rats at me...

Granted this level zero thing does make my flanking stradegies a bit weaker, but level zero or not, attacks of oppurtunity still apply! And who said I'd hit them with the shovel? By the time they came running down here I'd have my knife in hand to stab them in the head or something. I'm always two steps ahead!


And that note so did not involve killing you guys. I don't know where you would get an idea like that... Heh-eh-heh...." Koga looks around the room as he laughs nervously..


"I would help you kill the rats, if these were like.. sewer rats or something. But they're fricking domesticated city-rats. They probably don't even have filth fever. Even if they did and I were to lace my knives with their blood, the incubation period is around 1d3 days. I don't have friggin three days to waste on the enemy! Tactical advantage is paramount!


So you all can sit around playing whack-a-mole while a genious.. that's me.. goes out and stops the orcs single handely! And an orc princess falls inlove with me, and we have wild, sweaty, orc sex! THE ROGUE LIFE IS GOOD!"

[The Necroswanso]

"Well have fun. But as you're the only one doing it, pelase do it quietly so that you're not interrupting the rest of us who are actually playing the game. You'll be mature enough to pull that off won't you?"

[Koga]

Koga thinks to himself: This is what I get for gaming at a sausage factory. A girl would've seen my uncanny ability to logicaly plan out a solution to the encounter and then lose control of all her basic verbal functions and ravage me...


He scribbles the possibility of super glueing his knives together to the shovel and creating a reach weapon morningstar. However that would detirorate it's usefulness as a shovel...

Koga officaly nicknames himself "The Think Tank". Seeing as the tank is always asscosiated with fighters, and he's a combat genius...

[The Necroswanso]

Koga thinks to himself: This is what I get for gaming at a sausage factory. A girl would've seen my uncanny ability to logicaly plan out a solution to the encounter and then lose control of all her basic verbal functions and ravage me...


He scribbles the possibility of super glueing his knives together to the shovel and creating a reach weapon morningstar. However that would detirorate it's usefulness as a shovel...

Koga officaly nicknames himself "The Think Tank". Seeing as the tank is always asscosiated with fighters, and he's a combat genius...
(((I just rofl'd my pants. It's sad because I used to game with a guy who had the exact same thought process... In fact he thought he was so smart that his Sorcerer didn't even need charisma. It was funny gaming with him until he stopped thinking and instead said the same crap aloud. It was agreed that he needed to leave, we killed his character, and I jumed him in an alley because he couldn't duck out like a gentleman if you know what I mean. However watching all of his plans fall apart during the game was fun times.)))

[chrono]

Chrono's eyes go obviously wide and a trickle of sweat runs down his forehead.

Wow, Necrowanso, thank you for bringing up improvised weapon penalty at this crucial point in time when most of us are in fact using improvised weapons. Which didn't seem like such a bad deal a few seconds before you opened your mouth.

Chrono takes a deep breath. He seems to be doing that more often. If it weren't for the lack of inhaler, you might have concluded he has asthma too.

Maybe we can take our zero-level behinds armed with improvised weapons, wielded through our negative modifiers and follow Redmage... err... I mean Koga's plan. I can see this ending well.

[Koga]

OOC:
Koga kicks his feetup
"Besides, just cause I'm the first one going into battle doesn't mean I'm going alone.

Bayar, how do you expect to get the exp you need fighting little rats? How much exp could these guys possibly be worth? Not enough to gain you levels that's for sure. It's offenssive to your skills as a mathamatician.

Duke, your monk is lawful good, would he in good judgement waste his time dealing with pests when there are brutal orcs terroizing the villagers?

Silkenfest, you want an oppurtunity to display your glorious evocation skills. You will never do this cooped up in a dinky tavern killing rats, you must set fourth against all odds and scorch the flesh of your enemies.

Chrono, you expect to write tales of people extertimnating little mice? Or would you rather take a little risk and have the inspiration to sing about a war waged on the orcs for attacking innocent villagers and witnessing heroism at it's finest?



Last I checked, we were the good guys.. And good guys don't pick on the weak... That's why we want to fight the orcs in the first place, cause to the orcs, these villagers are the mice..."

[The Necroswanso]

"All well and good points, but level 0, does not beat level 1. Just as if we were trying to go after a dragon we'd still have to find some other way of becomming stronger.
The only insult here is your pathetic attempts to have people following your hair brained schemes. Thinking that using a skill you don't even have ranks in will help you trick warlords. You may think the odds revolve around what you think is right, but they don't. Any moron could tell you from the start the odds are automatically stacked against you. And we're apparently stating off without class levels. If these peasents, whom apparaently have sharp implements couldn't fight off the orcs, what makes you think any of us are capable of doing it?"

[chrono]

Drek scratches his head.

Well I s'ppose the rats are a bit underwhelming. Not much has been said about rats in song, as far as I remember... Owh, maybe except the great plague of the Northern Lowlands, which was caused by vermin. And the great were-rat attack on Quel Thalan. And that one time that rats ate the Seven Scrolls of Godly power right after they were uncovered by an epic adventuring party. And I have a vague memory of ratmen besieging a settlement in the wilderness with their ratapults, but I'm not sure how that went.

The bard scratches his head again.

On the other hand killing off orcs is kinda common. Chances are that with lots of luck you can kill rats and be famous. With orcs, everybody does it, so it's pointless. To be famous it's either rats or dragons, and we're a few spears short of dragonslayers.

[Koga]

OOC:
"I think you're forgetting we have Harry Potter on our team, he's powerful enough to give us the edge.

Infact, the very fact that you will not go along with Harry's plans to kill the orcs should come as an alignment penalty, seeing as Harry is an undead and you're a necromancer..."

[The Necroswanso]

"Maybe you haven't noticed, Harry got his ass beat, thus him not being able to count himself amongst the non-rotting. Now, he has chosen to undertake this rat slaying quest, I informed him I was with him.
And what edge are you talking about? You're a rogue. What's the sneak attack bonus for a zero level rogue now? We apparently don't even have class features. One strong character does not a living party make. You go commit suicide, leave the rest of us alone to advance the plot.

And for the record, Necromancer's don't have a set aligmnet. About the only thing that would conflict their class features would be to cast a healing spell. I control undead, I'm not influenced by what an undead says. "

[Koga]

OOC:
"What plot?! You're killing rats in a barely succesful tavern!


Waitl... an idea is coming to me...."


JohnJohn decides to postpone running into battle and instead talks to the villagers, asking them if they would get together and build a moat around the village. They could dig a large moat and thus prevent orcs from coming into the village.

[The Necroswanso]

"Oh...my...GOD! Was it that hard to do something constructive?"

[Quxelopqr]

"Sadly guys, the best I can see to do is to go along with the railroad plot and kill some rats. We'll be taking out orcs before you know it." Qux tries to give a smile, but the fact that somehow he feels the rats might tpk them holds it back.

IC: Kam goes with the group down the stairs, wondering how he is to harm the rats with a Bible.

[Silkenfist]

OOC: Silkenfist observes The Necroswanso and Koga, deciding once again that they are once again overthinking stuff.
Dudes, what's with you? It's just a First...uhm, Zero Level Quest. We mop up the rats quickly, then move to the next one, right. Hey, speaking of quick... A broad grin appears on his face and he clenches his fist, turning to Hank.
I got it! The rats, they were coming out of a hole in the wall, right? So I can go right next to the hole and throw a Fireball into it? I'll do that.

[Duke of URL]

OOC: Duke raises an eyebrow at Koga. "Who said anything about lawful good?"

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
"Impro...vised weapons?"
Hank starts leafing through his D&D book eagerly.
"Oh, that just adds a whole new dimension to the game..."

Hank puts down the book and straightens his glasses.
"Well, that's nice 'n all, but we'd really better get this combat going... Let's see, Silkenfist said he was attacking first and was castin fireball... Let me look up the rules for that..."
Hank leafs through the book again.

Oh, well, this is a surprise... Fireball: 1d6 damage per level, 20 ft. radius... It has a radius? And... per level? Well, I guess that makes this spell pretty useless at level zero, right? Anyways, the rats notice you casting and attack"

In-Game
Harry Rotter quickly pulls out his staff and whacks one of the rats on the head.
[roll0] + 12 to hit. (Rat AC 14)
[roll1] + 1,5*12 for damage.
22 Damage. One of the five rats is smashed by Harry Rotter, the rest attacks, each picking a victim.

[MrEdwardNigma]

Attack on Dangalf
[roll0] +4 +2 +2 to hit. (Dangalf AC 13)
[roll1] +2 for damage.

Attack on Kam
[roll2] +4 +2 +2 to hit. (Kam AC 13)
[roll3] +2 for damage.

Attack on Xian-Li
[roll4] +4 +2 +2 to hit. (Xian-Li AC 26)
[roll5] +2 for damage.

Attack on Drek
[roll6] +4 +2 +2 to hit. (Drek AC 21)
[roll7] +2 for damage.

"Well, errrr, I guess those are all misses. Boy, you guys sure are lucky!"

[Koga]

OOC:
"If you guys die I'm not carrying your carcases to a cleric.


....

Not that I think I could find a cleric in this hick town..:smallannoyed: "


Koga scribbles into going full-fledge assassin//shadowdancer so he can cast stealthy spells, and it might just be what he needs to destroy his jerkass team-mates.

He'll level up in rogue more after he's acheived his abilitiy to cast shadow spells.

[The Necroswanso]

Necroswanson waves his hands.
"Hello, Hank. Did you so quickly forget I was attacking the rats?"

[Koga]

OOC:
"I'm still gathering the villagers together to consider a plan to solve the orc dillemma. Besides the moat, I had one idea that could strongly put Chrono as the lead role... but he'd never go for it..."

[Silkenfist]

OOC: Silkenfist stares at Hank dumbfounded. But... I hurled Fire at them. How can they not be hurt?. Of course hitting the rats with his staff is out of question. A wizard doesn't hit others with his staff. That would make him just a lame dude with a stick. A monk, almost. No, there must be something else. I... he thinks for a few seconds before cotinuing I cast another Fireball. I can wear them down.

[Koga]

OOC:
"When you all are ready to swallow your pride you can ask for my help. I've concocted a plan that will get rid of the rats AND orcs..."

[Koga]

Koga writes another note to the GM:

I took the liberty of expanding on his he was a senator origin. Hense my attempt to appeal to the villagers. He was wrongly impeached. Justice must prevail!

No point in telling the jackals we call players about that.

[The Necroswanso]

"WHEN YOU'RE DONE, being a jackass Koga I'm sure we'll be glad to accept you joining us but until then shut the hell up as you're contributing nothing.

Now Hank, what do I roll to hit and damage for stomping on the rats?"


(((I'm beginning to think we're level zero because I'm so tempted to have my character's character waste yours simply out of principle Koga >.<)))

[Koga]

Koga grumbles and writes a note to Chrono.

Chrono, why not use your bardic music and lead the rats outside of town into the orc camp? You know, like that one fairy tale?

Necroswanso is being a dildo and will only hold us back. I'm sure as a bard you don't just want to sit around and do nothing, this is your time to shine man!

[Koga]

(((I'm beginning to think we're level zero because I'm so tempted to have my character's character waste yours simply out of principle Koga >.<)))
http://i176.photobucket.com/albums/w179/kingpoopa84/1176387326941.jpg

[The Necroswanso]

(((No offense, but dem pictures is annoying.)))

[Koga]

OOC:
The Koga flicks a peanutbutter cracker at Necroswansen's miniature and makes it topple over.


"Mwahahahaha!"

He then grabs it and eats it, but before he swallows he opens his mouth and shows Necro the chewed up goo then swallows cackeling.

[chrono]

OOC:
Chrono grins as he sees the rats miss. It's obvious that he was pretty sure Drek was a goner
Hey, what do you know... AC 21, that's not so bad. I guess I'm wearing the "Solid Halfling Underpants of Extra Armor" or something.

{{OOC: sorry for the following "real OOC", but I found it funny:


OOC:
The Koga flicks a peanutbutter cracker at Necroswansen's miniature and makes it topple over.

"Mwahahahaha!"

He then grabs it and eats it, but before he swallows he opens his mouth and shows Necro the chewed up goo then swallows cackeling.

So what, Necro got his miniature eaten?
End of OOC}}

Chrono raises his head and stares at Koga for a solid few seconds. You... I... I actually like this plan. I'm all for it, maybe we can all get XPs for that and then we can use my rat army to extort other villagers. BRILLIANT!

IC:
Drek tucks the hammer into his belt, takes a step back and sings the tune about the little kid leading the frog infestation away from the city. He tries to make an impromptu replacement and sing "rat" instead of "frog", but that doesn't always work out so great. Hopefully the rats won't notice. If that doesn't enthrall the rats, at least there's a decent chance that the song will motivate his companions - after all it's a song where a kid obviously headed for liberal arts major easily does the work that five or six future epic adventurers are attempting right now.

OOC:
Chrono looks startled and you can tell by his expression that he has just remembered something important. Protect the bard, if that rat attacks again use my flanking to kick some ass.

[The Necroswanso]

(((We have miniatures?)))

Necroswanson zips his backpack and grabs his jacket.
"Whatever. When you are done running an immature game Hank, then you can give me a call. But there is only so much bull**** I'll put up with. When you're willing to run a conspiricy free game, one where even the disrupter will act his age, let me know. Good day."
He begins to leave.

((Seriously, out of simple character principle. Sometimes immaturity and gamebreaking players drive people to leave. I certainly wouldn't have put up with half of your character's crap.)))

[Koga]

OOC:
Koga says "Fine, be a stick in the mud, I can always invite one of my friends over to the next session!"

And he flicks a peanut butter cracker at his forehead.:smalltongue:

[Bayar]

I tie the shovel to my staff. Now I have a reach weapon that can do piercing damage if I wield it as a lance/polearm and bludgeoning damage as a mace/hammer.

I take a horse, mount it, and instruct it to carry me into town, like a veritable paragon of good and hope. Like an almighty god of vengeance that shoots fireballs into the wicked. Like the almighty cleric of Bahamut, the platinium one (damn, that is a horrible adjective).

OOC: Want to kill some orcs? With a reach shovel ?

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
"I'm afraid Koga already has the shovel, Bayar. Hey, wait, Necroswanso, where are you going? I'm sorry I forgot to have your character attack! l'll do it right now, see! And we don't even have miniatures, that was just some mould on the table Koga ate! Don't worry about it!"

[roll0] +11 to hit. (Rat AC 14)
[roll1] +1.5*11 damage.
Another rat is flattened.

In-Game
The villagers refuse to build a moat. I will take ages and the Orcs are sure to notice. Meanwhile, a troop of Orcs makes it's way down to the village. There's five of them. The villager Wings attacked is with them.

The second fireball by Dangalf has pretty much the same effect as the first :smalltongue:

Out-Game
"I've got to check if you can do that, Drek... Wait a second"

OOC: I'll update the character sheets with spells, inventories and AC classes.

[MrEdwardNigma]

In-Game
Drek attempts to tame the three remaining rats with his music.
[roll0] +14. (Difficulty 20 + 1)
And miraculously succeeds! The rats become calmer and follow Drek outside.

There is still some squeaking going on inside the hole in the wall though. You could probably crawl through one at a time.

[Bayar]

I pick any pointy farm tool I find in the ****ing stable then and tie it to my blinkin staff. Then I go and cut out the orcs and burninate their remains. While riding a horse. And looking kickass doing it.

[chrono]

Chrono listens in disbelief as Hank says his check succeeded.
It... did? Alright then, Koga, this is a very good time to suggest what the hell I'm supposed to do with 3 formerly pissed off rats, who changed their evil ways, most likely temporarily, on account on a lame fable reenactment. Since it's pretty sure I can't lead them in the orcish granary, the only thing left for me to do is march away... with three rats!

Drek keeps singing, adding a slightly more cheerful tone. He starts to dance and hop away from the building toward the assaulted villager and the orcs. He tries to incorporate some hints into his song:


And the little piper said
to his friends that munched on bread
"A little help would be nice
To get rid of all those mice!"

[Silkenfist]

This sucks. There aren't going to be many great stories of Dangalf the Rat-Slayer as it stands, especially not if he fails to kill even one of them. But maybe the spell just needs an extra kick...
Hey Hank. We're in some kind of basement, right? I pick up all the oil and flammable stuff I can find. And then I... he pauses. Did someone just say, Orcs were coming? I'll go pick up the oil and then go to... to where the Orcs are.

[The Necroswanso]

Out-Game
"I'm afraid Koga already has the shovel, Bayar. Hey, wait, Necroswanso, where are you going? I'm sorry I forgot to have your character attack! l'll do it right now, see! And we don't even have miniatures, that was just some mould on the table Koga ate! Don't worry about it!"

[roll0] +11 to hit. (Rat AC 14)
[roll1] +1.5*11 damage.
Another rat is flattened.

In-Game
The villagers refuse to build a moat. I will take ages and the Orcs are sure to notice. Meanwhile, a troop of Orcs makes it's way down to the village. There's five of them. The villager Wings attacked is with them.

The second fireball by Dangalf has pretty much the same effect as the first :smalltongue:

Out-Game
"I've got to check if you can do that, Drek... Wait a second"

OOC: I'll update the character sheets with spells, inventories and AC classes.



Necroswanson sighs.
"It ain't you that's bothering me. You'll figure it out soon enough. Peace out."
and with that, he left.

[Duke of URL]

OOC: Duke watches Necro leave and glares at Koga. "Would it kill you to try and play this as a group activity? Ticking off other people in character is one thing, but being so personally annoying as to drive a player away from the table is another."

IC: Xian Li looks at the hole. "I do not give in to fear. I will go in first."

OOOC: Necro -- are you leaving this game for good, or is it your OOC persona, with the idea of being dragged back in?

[The Necroswanso]

(((I'm leaving leaving. So, have fun.)))

[Koga]

OOC: Duke watches Necro leave and glares at Koga. "Would it kill you to try and play this as a group activity? Ticking off other people in character is one thing, but being so personally annoying as to drive a player away from the table is another."
OOC:
"Sacrifices must be made young Duke... all will be understood in time... trust me...:smallwink: "



"chrono, just move the rats up-hill, you don't have to know exactly where the orc camp is, but as soon as the rats sniffout food and shelter closeby they'll migrate to it.. thus, the rats will then be the orc's problem.."

[MrEdwardNigma]

OOOOC: Pity you're leaving, Necroswanso. Is it really because of Koga or did the game simply suck? Anyways, I'll be recruiting a replacement.

Out-Game
"There's no oil down there, Silkenfist, but there's plenty of kegs of beer. I suppose you'll be taking one of those then?"

In-Game
Both Drek and Dangalf exit the cellar, one carrying a barrel of beer and the other playing his lute. Meanwhile the Orcs reach the village, only to meet Wings, storming at them on horseback with a pitchfork tied to a staff.
[roll0] +9 -4 to hit. (Orc AC 24)
[roll1] +9 damage.
Wings manages to impale and kill one of the five Orcs.


Meanwhile, down in the cellar, Xian Li ventures forth into the hole in the wall. Beyond it, there is a treasure chest with on top of it a huge rat. There's also a whole bunch of baby rats in an alcove beyond the chest. The huge rat attacks Xian Li upon sight.
[roll2] +4 +10 +1 to hit. (Xian Li AC 26)
[roll3] +10 damage.
The rat misses.

[MrEdwardNigma]

In-Game
The four Orcs attack the horse Wings is sitting on.
[roll0] +4 +17 to hit. (Horse AC 25)
[roll1] +1.5*17 damage.
Miss.

[roll2] +4 +17 to hit. (Horse AC 25)
[roll3] +1.5*17 damage.
The Orc kills the horse.

They start attacking Wings, now on foot.
[roll4] +4 +17 to hit. (Wings AC 23)
[roll5] +1.5*17 damage.
A hit.

[roll6] +4 +17 to hit. (Wings AC 23)
[roll7] +1.5*17 damage.
And another heavy hit.

"I can't help but feel I'm doing something wrong with these calculations..."

Hank starts flipping through his rulebook.
"Now how do I calculate hit points? Well, that can't be right..."

[Duke of URL]

IC: Xian Li attacks the rat, proceeding to exterminate the entire nest if he can.

OOOC: I suggest taking Pink as the replacement, especially if she'll play the "didn't want to be here but can't say no" girl.

[Koga]

OOOOC: Pity you're leaving, Necroswanso. Is it really because of Koga or did the game simply suck? Anyways, I'll be recruiting a replacement.
(Zimmia is ready and willing, I told her all about the game and she's prepared to bring herself "to the next session")

[Koga]

OOC:
"They're friggin RATS! How hard can it be to kill them?! They got like what? 1hp?!


I can understand their massive AC for being small and fast, did it ever occur to any of these villagers to just get some cats?!


And Duke, Chrono is taking care of the mice with his bardic music. Your attacks are unesscary.."

[Duke of URL]

OOC: "If you'd been paying attention to the game instead of plotting how to kill the rest of the party, you would have known that Xian Li found another group of rats. Oh, and a treasure chest, if that'll actually make you interested."

[MrEdwardNigma]

OOOOC: I've re-opened recruitement. Pink or Zimmia or someone else can apply there. Also, Randomlunatic, are you still posting?

Out-Game
"Yeah, I'll resolve this Orc thing in a second, lets get this rat combat done first"
[roll0] +8 to hit. (Rat AC 29)
"Which would basically be an automatic miss... That doesn't quite make sense, he-he-he-he-he"

Hank uses his inhalor and leafs through the book some more.
"Oh, so a modifier isn't just your score? Lemme fix that in both battles"
Xian Li attacks rat:
[roll1] -1 to hit. (Rat AC 15)
[roll2] -1 damage. (Rat hit points 5)
That's a miss.

Orc attacks Wings:
[roll3] +3 to hit. (Wings AC 11)
[roll4] +3 damage. (Wings hit points 4)
That's a hit.

Second Orc attacks:
[roll5] +3 to hit. (Wings AC 11)
[roll6] +3 damage. (Wings hit points 4)
That's another hit, you're at minus nine, also known as almost dead.

[Koga]

OOC: "If you'd been paying attention to the game instead of plotting how to kill the rest of the party, you would have known that Xian Li found another group of rats. Oh, and a treasure chest, if that'll actually make you interested."
OOC:
"JohnJohn's spider senses begin to tingle and he senses treasure nearby!"

He skips down to the cellar and finds Rock Lee or whatever the hell his name is getting his ass kicked by Ratzilla.

JohnJohn decides to stay up the staircase, where's it's safe. Err...SAFER... As I'm sure the rat could make a bull-rush check if it really wanted to.

[chrono]

When Drek comes near the orcs, he suddenly stops his song and runs screaming past them. The screams go something like Nnnnnaaaaargh! Help! There's a rat infestation in town and they're AFTER ME!

OOC:
(Edit: just in case it's not clear, Chrono says:)
Bayar, I can't believe I'm saving your ass. Hopefully the rats will attack on sight now and I'm not the closest target, plus I was nice to them. So with a bit of luck the rats will engage the orcs and we'll figure out what to do.

[Quxelopqr]

Kam goes into the hole after Xian and attacks the rat, seeing as he has nothing better to do.

OOC: "Sorry to see him go, but if he isn't having fun he shoudln't bother right? And Hank, do I have a weapon or am I literaly throwing the book at him?"

[Koga]

OOC:
"I have an idea!"


"Sense I'm blocking the door path between getting in and out of the cellar, I kick Kam downward, I kick him in such a way where he will fall on the mamma rat. SPLAT! Even if not enough damage is done to kill her, the mamma rat will be too burdend by weight to move and Lee can deliver a coup de grace'..."

[Quxelopqr]

"That idea won't work Koga. That thing's got a crazy ac and it'd probably just bite me when I missed it. Do we still have that shovel?"

[Silkenfist]

OOC: Silkenfist slumps around on the chair, not really paying attention to what is happening in the cellar. The orcs are what would bring glory. Finally, his patience ends. Hank...what's about the Orcs, now? Are we there yet? I'll take the barrel and roll it towards the Orcs, then explode it with a Fireball. BOOM! He underlines the idea with a gesture that causes him to hit the guys next to him with his elbows.

[Koga]

"That idea won't work Koga. That thing's got a crazy ac and it'd probably just bite me when I missed it. Do we still have that shovel?"
"It's simple mathamatics Quex, you're a humanoid, your mass is greater then the amount of space required for the rat to dodge you.

Me pushing you down the stairs is like... an automatic critical... THIS PLAN IS FULLPROOF!":smallbiggrin:

IC:
JohnJohn pushes him down to make the mamma rat go splat.
"You'sa save Bruce Lee!"

[Quxelopqr]

"...I have to give that to you, that does indeed make sense."

IC: Kam tries to manuver himself to land with all of his considerable weight on the rat, hopefully breaking its neck or something.

[chrono]

Chrono glares at Silkenfist. He then pauses, obviously thinking about something, then shrugs and waves to get Hank's attention:

Hank! Rats, orcs, bayar, combat, come on!

[MrEdwardNigma]

((I've updated the first post with somewhat more realistic ACs and Hp))

In-Game
Drek manages to get the rats to attack an Orc.
[roll0] -4 +4 to hit. (Orc AC 13)
[roll1] damage. (Orc hp 5)
A miss.

[roll2] -4 +4 to hit. (Orc AC 13)
[roll3] damage. (Orc hp 5)
A hit, but not quite enough to kill that Orc.

Meanwhile in the cellar Kam literally throws the book at the huge rat after crawling through the hole (so, no, you can't kick him down from the stairs, Koga).
[roll4] -4 (Dexterity Modifier) -4 (Improvised Weapon) to hit. (Rat AC 15)
[roll5] -1 (Strength Modifier) damage. (Rat hp 5)
That's a miss, obviously...

After the attack of the rats outside, Dangalf kicks a barrel of beer towards them and ignites it. It's rather unfortunate the dying Wings is still among them, isn't it?

Out-Game
"So, how do I make this explosion work? Ehrrrrm..."

Suddenly he cellar door swings open and LatemYvaeh enters.
"Oh, hi, Latem, what are you doing here?"
Hank turns towards the group and says "Everybody, this is LatemYvaeh. I met him at the local gaming store, you know, D21? Would you like to join, Latem? One of my players just quit"

[LatemYvaeh]

---Latem Yvaeh---
(A fairly tall overweight middle aged man with a large backpack enters the basemen he nods to everyone)
Hello Hank so you still set on running a 0 level starter campain I haven't seen one of these done in years As he sits down he unzips the backpack and pulls out a laptop and a small notebook a wood backgamon box which he opens to te reveal a crown royal bag which dumps the dice out of into the left hand side of the box. The dice range from some that appear to be brand new to a set of well round dice with the numbers filled in with crayon. He also pulls out a first edition copy of the Unearthed Arcana and with out looking flips the book open to the section on starting as apprentice 0 level characters. As he glances at the sheets on the table he say I see you decided to go with single die roll instead of a multi roll system well this certainly makes me glad to see some one firmly believing in rule 0
He reaches out and grabs a hand full of d20s and laughs A haha the d12;s of doom

[roll0]
[roll1]
[roll2]
[roll3]
[roll4]
[roll5]
[roll6]
[roll7]

[LatemYvaeh]

---Latem Yvaeh---

Latem begins to write on his notepad
Physical
Str: Con: Dex:
Mental
Int: Wis: Char:
Special
Awe:

He looks over at Hank So mighty master of the Table how do you use these stats so I may properly perpare myself. And do this rolls provide the necissary stats to be a Ranger of the Wild or well the apprentice to a Ranger of the Wild.

While waiting for Hank to give him some rule details he begins typing on his laptop anyone that cares to peek at the screen can see several documents open the one currently active is {War of the Dragons} PC Actions and changes to the time line. Typed in there are names, times and dates for an ongoing campain with what appears to be NPC that have been killed let live and how those actions change the over all flow of the campain. With notes on personalities and the NPCs feelings about the PCs they have met and long term goals Any one that continues to read will notice that the King of the Main city is trying to turn his country into undead ruled by him as a Lich King with the help of a Green Dragon well on the path to becoming a DracoLich

[chrono]

Yo, chrono waves absentmindedly at the new comer and stares at the dice Hank just threw on the table. Anyway, Hank, weren't there three rats that followed Drek? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's what you said but it seems only two rats attack the orcs... Or am I missing something.

OOOC: I'll be MIA for anywhere between 24 to 48h. NPC Drek if needed (it's simple, he'll try to get the most XPs and loot without risking his neck).