What are some good anger management techniques?

[stm177]

I have a co-worker who gets under my skin, and I'll just seethe for hours about it. I lost it today when I got home, and threw a drinking glass against the wall. Terribly unhealthy reaction!! Of course it shattered into a million pieces and made a giant dent.

So, I wonder if anyone has good, constructive techniques to manage anger in your life? I don't have many options at work but to suck it up. And the stuff I get angry about at work is pretty petty, but it's like he's trying to provoke a reaction from me sometimes.

Oh well, what do you think?

[Solo]

I have a co-worker who gets under my skin, and I'll just seethe for hours about it. I lost it today when I got home, and threw a drinking glass against the wall. Terribly unhealthy reaction!! Of course it shattered into a million pieces and made a giant dent.

So, I wonder if anyone has good, constructive techniques to manage anger in your life? I don't have many options at work but to suck it up. And the stuff I get angry about at work is pretty petty, but it's like he's trying to provoke a reaction from me sometimes.

Oh well, what do you think?

Stab him.


Or see a shrink.

[Phase]

Oh gods, I had this same problem the other day. Probably the best thing to do is assert to yourself that you're right, and they're wrong. Try to get someone else to help assert this if possible. Or count to 1000 (that is, as close as possible) using only prime numbers, much more distracting.

[Haruki-kun]

Best anger management techniques I know of:

-Let it out. Get a friend to listen to you and complain until you get a sore throat.

-Open a blank document and rant until you can't anymore. (Or rant here, if you prefer that.)

-Ignore. No, it doesn't magically fix everything. It never does. But it does reduce the stress a lot.

-Get something else to do. "Can't talk now, I'm busy WORKING!"

[Desgardius]

Personally, I think saying the phrase "I can only control how I treat myself and how I treat others, I cannot control how others treat themselves or others." in your head helps sometimes, other wise whispering "serenity now" may help. even a calming message on your cell phone can help. To sum it all up, try keeping relaxing things in your life as much as possible, so that the more annoying things, such as co-workers or things like that, are over ruled by them. You can also picture these comforting things when they frustrate you. Hope this helps, and good luck!

[Cobra_Ikari]

Do something physical? Whenever I get really angry, I go running. I usually end up running way faster than I intended to when I started, but it makes me feel better.

...other things I do are listen to loud, energetic music. Or I find someone to talk to about what's bothering me.

...does that help?

[Flickerdart]

Temple of Elemental Evil, Iron difficulty. You'll be so frustrated at getting murdered that other concerns will melt away. If you want to dish out the hurt instead of taking it, any FPS or Dynasty Warriors game throws plenty of fodder at you.

[Cobra_Ikari]

Temple of Elemental Evil, Iron difficulty. You'll be so frustrated at getting murdered that other concerns will melt away. If you want to dish out the hurt instead of taking it, any FPS or Dynasty Warriors game throws plenty of fodder at you.

I agree with the second one. Regardless of the mindlessness of play, there's nothing like killing thousands of simulated people for getting the violent impulses out. >.>

[Catskin]

First off, you've got my sympathy. I don't know anyone who hasn't lost it because of some petty jackbutt.

The advice that has worked for me in the past was to do two things.

First, recognize what's going on. So when he does something that makes you seethe, instead of seething try to just note it, like it's a TV show or someone else's story. Maybe keep your own list of petty stuff jackbutt does. Maybe turn it into a comic. Whatever works for you to detach from it.

Second, as weird as it sounds, be extra nice to him. It might help if you pretend like he's 5 (that works for me), or in some condition that will make you feel sorry for his pathetic jackbutt. The point is--you have to be the superior one. If you can be the superior one, not only will his behavior be less annoying he'll probably just stop doing it. At the very least you'll recognize that his behavior is beneath you and it's his business to deal with--not yours.

[lumberofdabeast]

I have a co-worker who gets under my skin, and I'll just seethe for hours about it. I lost it today when I got home, and threw a drinking glass against the wall. Terribly unhealthy reaction!! Of course it shattered into a million pieces and made a giant dent.

So, I wonder if anyone has good, constructive techniques to manage anger in your life? I don't have many options at work but to suck it up. And the stuff I get angry about at work is pretty petty, but it's like he's trying to provoke a reaction from me sometimes.

Oh well, what do you think?
Hmm... well, you're off to a good start, but it seems to me that you picked the wrong target for your aggression. What I think you need to do, is get some rope and head outside. Find a nice strong tree, wrap the rope around it, and beat the everloving hell out of that rope. But don't do it with the actual tree; trees hurt when you punch them.

[SpiderMew]

Anger eh... I've had allot of problems myself with anger...
I used to bottle it up, shove it off and ignore it.
This doesn't work. Nether does blowing up about it right away, that just makes you abusive. Different things work for different people, I would get away from the people stressing me out, go for a walk, and see a movie. Wouldn't matter what was showing, just would see anything almost that was there. If I didn't have the money for that, I would try to play a video game or work on some artwork or something, but this didn't help as much, as the object of most of my stress was right here and wanting to still piss me off.

[Trog]

SERENITY NOW!!!

Step away. Take a short break. Get some air. Working out helps. So does some nice loud angry music.

[Zeful]

Most things phyisical, running, hitting a roped tree, beating up muggers and defending Gothom city are good. But unless you do something like that often you won't be able to do it long enough to get a benefit.

If your not into exercise, an FPS like Halo or mindless hack & slash game might help you out.

Another good thing is to have a close friend that you can talk to about stuff and has no qualms calling you an idiot when you're being one.

[Cuddly]

Waterboarding.

[Alarra]

Mindful breathing relaxation.
Close your eyes. For five minutes, concentrate only on your breath, visualize it entering and leaving your lungs. Breath in light, breath out a color. You don't realize how long 5 minutes are until you spend it just breathing. Think through various parts of your body in turn, ease the tension from one area before moving to another.

Another good technique is visual journaling. Nothing gets out anger and frustration better than wearing down a crayon scribbling hurriedly on a piece of paper. Alternately, there are art techniques that are relaxing in themselves and could diffuse some of the anger. Try watercolor. Or clay, if you want to safely beat out aggression.

[Brickwall]

I prescribe music. One of two types.

The first is the soothing, calm stuff. Classical is best. If I were you, I'd sit down with a cup of tea and Beethoven's 6th on a bad night.

The second is really angry music. It will actually help you vent a lot. I, though much-knowing, do not know why loud, aggressive music helps, but it does. Just don't listen to it when dealing with this person. That'll make it worse. Oh, do feel free to headbang.

[Aereshaa_the_2nd]

I get angry a lot, due to my other emotions being muted, mostly sadness (which I very rarely feel) and fear (which I can't remember ever having felt). For me, those two never happen, and in situations where a normal person would feel them, I either feel calm or angry. Sometimes I get so full of vengeful, blue-flamed anger that I have to let it out.

For this purpose, I write rants, I listen to my collection of video game battle music, and I play quake till I'm better. Someday I'll publish a collection of my rants, maybe on a website. Meh. Until that day, those ascii representations of pure hatred are to scorch only my screen.:smallamused:

[Nibleswick]

My method is just to realize that being angry is just so much wasted effort, I mean that the world is so full of neat stuff to do and learn that it's not worth my time and energy to be angry, or sad, or [insert negative emotion].
Also, you can't change the past, so don't dwell on it. You can on the other hand change the future, so tell this person that what he is doing is annoying you and ask him to stop (be nice though, no need for more hard feelings). So with these words of (hopefully) wisdom, go forth and be happy.

[Dumbledore lives]

Well, I'm not entirely sure if this is a good anger management thing, but imagine something bad happening to them, possibly them suffering from there immense stupidity and/or ignorance. If you can't do these things in real life because they're illegal or there is just no reason to at least you can imagine them.

[Logic]

For me, nothing calms my temper quite like splitting wood. So, if you have an axe and a tree, get to work! Plus you have something to show for your anger, a nice stack of wood to keep warm with. (Provided you have a fireplace or wood stove.)

[Charity]

I find the only way to deal with repeated irritation is at source.

If this guy is annoying you on purpose, letting him get to you is allowing him to get what he wants.
The best course of action is to simply disregard anything he says or does, treat him like an annoying small child, that usually has one of two effects:
1. they give it up, it is not a big thing for them and it's no longer fun.
2. they ramp it up until everyone notices that they are being a jerk and they get the boot, or at least a warning.

If they are not doing it on purpose then you are just gonna have to learn to be more tolerant or tell them they are annoying you.

In extremis there is always the soothing sound of cricket bat on temple to fall back on.

[SnowballMan]

I suggest polycarbonate cups and foam padding on the walls.

Or perhaps one of these (http://www.google.com/products?q=punching+bag&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&sa=N&tab=wf&oi=property_suggestions&resnum=0&ct=property-revision&cd=2) would be more practical.

[Castaras]

Note: All these solutions are to both anger and depression. They might not work for you, but they're all solutions I have used at one time or another.

I always find ranting to someone helps. Normally, it's someone over the net. I always find it helps me calm down to just type furiously about my day, complain about everything. Talking to someone you know very well in real life can help as well.

Blogging helps as well. Got a livejournal account somewhere, where if I was feeling crap, I'd go and just type about my week, month, or whatever. Explain my problems, rant, etc. At the end of it, I'd always do my utmost to write about good things. Right at the end, after all the ranting is over. Sometimes, I won't even hit the post button, and just close it, deleting all that I wrote. Either way I do it, whether it's posted publically, privately, or not posted at all, it helps.

Music I'll add my voice to. I always end up listening to my heavy metal or Enya if I'm angry. Recently, it's been heavy metal for anger, and Enya for depression(I was hooked to Enya for about a week after my cat died. *shrugs*). Different music works for different people. I always find Rush and Genesis help cheer me up, as does Pink Floyd, to a lesser extent. Cheering me up helps alot with anger and sadness.

If you do get music, with lyrics, I always find it best to sing as much as I can. No idea why, but it helps for me. Dunno if it'll help for others, but I'll offer it up as another solution.

And if none of the above work, scream. Scream long, hard, and loud. Into your pillow if necessary.

Okay, so those would be anger management techniques that could be applicable to any situation. To yours in particular:

- As Charity said, solving the problem at the source is very useful.
- If it's on purpose, laugh it off. It's amazing how long it takes for the annoyer to stop if you laugh and joke about it, seeing as Joking about it is likely to be the complete opposite to what the annoyer is wanting.
- Not on purpose? Talk to him about it. Yes, it might be a horrific idea to be able to go and *talk* to this annoying little beggar, but it can help. Sort out your differences.
- Ignoring works wonders, so I've been told. I'll half agree with this - it hasn't actually worked that well for me. With those who have annoyed/bullied/teased me, ignoring it has only made it continue and get worse. It does help you though. At your work, I don't suppose you could use mp3 players and the such like? Absorb yourself in your music, disappear into your own little world, where these little annoyances can't reach.
- Sometimes, just flipping completely can help. If someone is annoying you, get angry at them. Yell at them. For me, the one time I did this(with the added advantage of the geeky quiet never-violent girl slapping this guy. Hard.), he stopped almost instantly. He hasn't troubled me since(I think he might actually be a tad nervous of me still...). Unlikely that violence would work in your situation. Just throwing the possibilities out there.

...

Wow, that's a long post. O.o

[Bag_of_Holding]

I second ranting/gossiping. Nothing helps me better than rambling on about my problems to my mates. It makes me feel refreshed and organised- ready to see things by taking a step back and looking at a larger picture.

[The Rose Dragon]

Threaten to punch someone. Like, really hard.

Works for me, anyway.

[Kaelaroth]

Don't threaten. Punch him. Or spread malicious rumours about him.

If you're not quite up to that, get a pillow, and just punch it till you feel wiped. If you can draw, that can help with anger. Draw whatever comes into your head, whether that's a pretty giraffe, or you punching him, before kissing a Swedish lap-dancer, and jumping onto a train to Santa Monica.

[Charity]

Cas I would suggest ignoring doesn't work either, from my experiences as a yoof I found taking the moral high ground and remaining aloof just encouraged folk to go further. (Doing this in a work environment is quite different from school though, bullying in the workplace is much more difficult to get away with and overt bullying is quite easy to prove.)
On reflection it may have seemed that I was suggesting this course of action in my previous post, not so. I would suggest actively treating this fellow as a small child, patiently explain things to them, twice; display his immaturity for all to see and treat him like he's 'hard of thinking' it won't make him like you, but it will make him think twice before he try’s it on with you.

[Arioch]

When I'm really annoyed by someone at school I go into serenity mode, when I can take anything and respond with a calm stare. This is usually achieved by repeating something like "I'm better than them." or "They are insignificant." over and over in my head. No, it doesn't foster a terribly healthy mindset, but it's very good for dealing with annoying people.

[Felixaar]

I agree with the second one. Regardless of the mindlessness of play, there's nothing like killing thousands of simulated people for getting the violent impulses out. >.>

Yes... Out...

Seriously though, I know how you feel. Theres a guy at my job who is a real jack ass terrible employee who should never have been hired ever, but we still all have to put up the fact that when he doesnt feel like working he just walks right off the job and doest come back till someone calls him over the PA (and even then not often).

Best way of dealing with it is to get the anger out, both verbally and physically. If you dont want to bother anyone else, then verbally could just be typing into a blank document, the saving it away to never be read, and physically could just be doing a lot of excercise. The important thing is not to let these things make you do things you wouldnt normally do.

If they dont work, you may have to confront him, but sounds more to me like he's the kind of guy who would enjoy a confrontation.

Thus, we must return to the first suggestion - Stab Him.

[Dallas-Dakota]

Stab him.


Or see a shrink.

What I want.

What I do.

[WalkingTarget]

I don't get angry. In my post-pubescent existence, I can probably count the number of times I've been genuinely angry on one hand. I get annoyed rather easily, but that's as far as it gets, usually. Even while a teenager and people made fun of me, I managed to be one of the people that "ignore them" seemed to be a valid strategy (I'm a big enough guy that I never actually got bullied, just mocked).

I stumbled upon it (as in, I didn't make a conscious choice to behave this way), but I've found that my outlook is pretty close to the old Stoic (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism) school of thought and I think that is likely the reason I've managed to avoid being angered. I find this quote from Marcus Aurelius particularly applicable.

"Say to yourself in the early morning: I shall meet today ungrateful, violent, treacherous, envious, uncharitable men. All of these things have come upon them through ignorance of real good and ill... I can neither be harmed by any of them, for no man will involve me in wrong, nor can I be angry with my kinsman or hate him; for we have come into the world to work together."

Of course, Stoicism isn't for everyone.

[Trog]

@ Original Poster

Question: Does everyone react to this person the same way or are you the only one? Something to possibly examine is why you are having the reaction of being annoyed. Because that is something you can control. Whereas controlling another's behavior is downright impossible. Or at least very very difficult. 'Mjus'sayin'. :smallwink:

[Jagg]

@ OP

I had issues with anger when I was young... my 2 cents


1) If you are going to type out your frustrations remember to NOT do it at work. Plenty of workplaces have key logger applications and your boss doesn't need to read that you'd like to *&%(^*^$ this guy until he *&%&^% ^%^* his *%^ with a &(*%(^ .

2) My stress therapist (when I was young) also mentioned rythmic breathing (someone has already done that one so I won't repeat), medatative music (very different from normal music - uses sounds like the ocean or rainforest as part of it's composition) and exercise.

Now for the more serious one....

3) Workplace bullying is a serious issue. People win millions of dollars in court for serious cases because it breaches OH&S (Occupational Health & Safety). By tacitly allowing this jerk to bully you your place of employment becomes negiligent in providing your a safe working environment. (Bullying is a breach of provision). Of course to breach it your employer needs to be MADE AWARE OF IT. Not sure which country you are in and you may want to check but it's highly likely that you are allowed to secretly record a conversation if you are a party to it. Do so and take other records of this guy being a jerk. Inform your boss and HR department and provide them with documented proof and an impact statement. (I am under stress from the actions of Mr Jerk that have nothing to do with my work function, his contstant actions of XX and YY - see attached recordings and event log, are damaging my ability to perform my function.) A helpful quote of the relevent OH&S legislation to make sure your employer know that you are aware of your rights will also help. If your HR department is anything like mine Mr Jerk will soon back so far off they'll have to import daylight to him. If they DON'T get Mr Jerk to back off, keep recording and your event log up to date and begin taking time off work for stress relief, go see a therapist, and then take your employer to court for a breach of OH&S regulations, win millions and retire.:smallcool: :smallcool:

[stm177]

No, everyone notices that this guy is trouble, but nothing has been done about it. As far making documentation, like I said, everyone already knows since it's a small company.

Eh, I have enough money to try to find a job elsewhere. Moving costs etc wouldn't be a problem. The reason I keep this one was the health insurance (I have some health problems) and that there's been a serious recession in my state for years.

I'm unmarried, so maybe I should find a state or region that is unaffected by the recession and try to find a job in that area. I don't really need a lot of money, but health insurance and steady work are the two things I'd need/want. I just need enough for a car and a small apartment. My work record has gaps because of my health problems, so I wouldn't be able to get a job in a big company. Luckily, my health has been really good for the past year.

The suggestions everyone has are pretty good as far as anger management goes though. I wish I could let things roll off my back, but people in general stress me out, and this guy at work in particular is a terrible nuisance. I'm pretty introverted and unfortunately I'm happier the less I have to deal with people.

I wish I could be one of those self-motivated people that could write for a living (like an unnamed webcomics author whose site I visit from time to time!)

[Vuzzmop]

Does this guy single you out? While you can't confront him, treat him with a serface level amount of respect and lead him into making the first move towards aggression. Remember that you are better than him, his motives are pathetic, and you have the higher ground.

On the topic of keeping the higher ground and not losing your temper, I recommend finding a way to take out your aggression in an environment where it is acceptable. Paintball perhaps? Nothing is better for relieving stress and aggression than hunting down and shooting another man, and still being able to go get a drink with him after.

If all else fails, play horrible pranks on him. I and the cast of the Office suggest putting his office stationary in jelly moulds.

[Winter_Wolf]

Stephen Lynch would suggest that you Kill a Kitten. (It's a song he sings, I don't know how to link URLs. It's on YouTube.)

I'd suggest you follow Jagg's advice, and if it's a well known thing that the guy is a jerk, make a formal complaint to someone in HR. It may well be that the only reason he's still around and acting like an ass is because no one's bothered to make a formal complaint.

Dangit, now I've gotta listen to some Stephen Lynch.

[Copacetic]

Pull some lose change from your pocket. See how old it is, compared to old you are. Imagine what it must have gone through for it to end up in your pocket. Thnk of some of the craziest thngs you can that can happen to a coin. Then pull the next coin out and repeat untl you'r not angry or your out of change.:smallbiggrin:

[Half-blood]

2 Answers

1 "Funny/comical Answer" Get Harder Glasses and walls (buh-dum Kshh)
2 "Helpful Answer" Go on the forums. Helps Me.