My mom has cancer (now with 100% more updates!)

[TheMeanDM]

I'm writing on the hospital's computer right now, wish I was anywhere else than here, in truth.

My mother went in the hospital on Tuesday with pneumonia.

Today, she was diagnosed with small-cell lung cancer that has spread to a spot on her liver and possibly some lymph nodes in her chest.

From what I can find, prognosis is not good.

It's strange. I went to my phone to call someone..friend, coworker, whatever... to sort of "dump on" because it just....hurts...and I needed to share.

I was in such a daze that I couldn't think who to call.

So here I am.

Anyone know anyone that has had small cell lung cancer?

Having some support would be nice right about now. My wife is great, but can only do so much.

Thanks.

Peace.

Jason

[Syka]

I don't really have much help to give you other than a *hug* and an ear (eye?) to talk to if you need it.

I'm sure if you google it, you'll find a support group and survivors.

Cheers,
Syka

[Cobra_Ikari]

...

...*hugs*...

...I hope for the best.

[Bonecrusher Doc]

I have very little personal experience with cancer, and I'm certainly no oncologist or counselor. All I can say is, for what it's worth, we're here for you and your family. PM if you like.

Paul

[Gem Flower]

I agree that if you Google it, you'll probably find support. *hugs* My friend's dad survived cancer, I wish your mom the same.

[Moff Chumley]

All I can say is listen to music loudly and play/sing as much as possible. It's helped me get through lots of stuff, and I haven't met anyone who hasn't felt better after playing music for an hour. I'm so sorry.

[Talya]

So here I am.

Anyone know anyone that has had small cell lung cancer?

Having some support would be nice right about now. My wife is great, but can only do so much.



I'm so sorry.

My father is a cancer survivor (of a different type of the cursed disease), so I have some idea what things go through one's mind when this happens. The entire time they have it, it's a heavy weight around your neck. Everyone eventually loses their parents, but this type of thing brings you face to face with their mortality, while all the while your parents have supported you and been there for you. Suddenly you have to be there for them.

You have a long road ahead of you. I hope it goes well. Just remember others have been there first. You're never the first one to endure something.

[Chunklets]

I am very sorry to hear this, and I hope your mother recovers fully. * hugs *

[thubby]

my mom had breast cancer when i was younger. she beat it, but i know how tough it can be.

*makes sure no one's watching* *hugs*

[Vaynor]

I know how you're feeling, my mom got over breast cancer about five years ago. Hope for the best, it's tough.

[zerombr]

my grandmother has beat it TWICE, it's doable, trust me. She's not even impared from the fights, even at 80 odd years old.


Best wishes for your mom from a total stranger.

[zerombr]

my grandmother has beat it TWICE, it's doable, trust me. She's not even impared from the fights, even at 80 odd years old.


Best wishes for your mom from a total stranger.

[Nibleswick]

My dad had a rare and untreatable form of small cell lung cancer, remember that there are always people willing to help and comfort in any way they can.

[SmartAlec]

I think I know what you're feeling right now. I've been through something similar. My mother, cancer, and such. Unfortunately, she didn't get better.

My heart goes out to you and your family. Really it does. If you're anything like me, the full ramifications of what's happening haven't even sunk in yet. But you need to be strong now, man. Not just for your mother, but for yourself too. I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but the one thing you don't want to look back on this time and feel is regret.

[Jae]

I'm SO sorry. And I know that doesn't help much but I truly am. I really wish I could help more than I actually can =/

She can beat it, though. Best wishes.

[Sleet]

Crikey. That's... Damn. I have no words.

Vibes headed your way, mate.

[EvilElitest]

good luck, i certainly hope your mother gets through well. I'm sorry i can't help more
from
EE

[blackfox]

My condolences... I know several people (family friends) who have survived cancer. Your mom can do it too. I wish you and your family good luck. My PM box is open.

[TheThan]

Yeah, my condolences as well. I hope your mom beats it.

I’ve known too many people who have had leukemia; one lady that went to my church battled it for years before finally falling to it. While a friend of mine had it as teen, he beat it though so it’s not all-sad news.

[feghoot]

I don't know if it means any means anything to you, but I'll keep her in my prayers.

[Miraqariftsky]

Fare ye well through flesh's blight
I bid thee onwards in valiant fight


---Nexus

[Mountain_Faerie]

My mom had breast cancer. She is a survivor and is quite active now. My dad, kids and I all pitched in to take care of her. We planned a big Disney Vacation for 1 year after her surgery. Every time she would say that things were getting too tough, we'd say, "Yeah, but you get to go to Disney World when it's over!" The idea of a big family vacation kept her spirits up enough to get through the surgeries, medications, exhaustion, etc.

Let your mom cry a little and then start planning some really fun trip so she will have a good excuse to get through all this.

And here's a great big hug for you to get you through it, too.

[Zakama]

My mom also survived breast cancer, and I'll pray for yours.


Fare ye well through flesh's blight
I bid thee onwards in valiant fight


---Nexus
Best of luck.

[Halna LeGavilk]

My condolences friend. I feel for you. Ever need to talk, just PM me.

[TheMeanDM]

Thanks all for your positive thoughts and prayers. It is greatly appreciated.

After doing some research and listening to the oncologist today, small cell lung cancer is one of the most aggressive and..well..crappiest..kinds of cancer to have.

She told us that on average, she sees people survive 6 to 12 months. If they're younger, they can survive on the longer side, and beyond most times. Older, not so long.

My mom is 54 (I'm 33).

That's not to say she couldn't survive longer....but I saw one figure from 2004 that said there is a 1% chance of a 5 year survival.

The problem, she said, is that once the cancer goes into remission, small cell comes back. If it doesn't respond to the original chemotherapy, they try a different one....basically exhausting the options until the end.

This is a toughie.


This may sound preachy, or obvious, or stupid to some...but this has so completely opened my eyes.

Never, ever, take life for granted. Not yours, not your parents, not your kids. Each day is a blessing/gift/whatever, because we know not the number of our days (as a somewhat famous book says).

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

I...

That is, you should...

What I mean is...

Crap. :smallfrown:

HUGS!!!

[Nibleswick]

This may sound preachy, or obvious, or stupid to some...but this has so completely opened my eyes.

Never, ever, take life for granted. Not yours, not your parents, not your kids. Each day is a blessing/gift/whatever, because we know not the number of our days (as a somewhat famous book says).

It doesn't sound preachy, obvious, or stupid, it sounds perfectly accurate. There are a great many things I wish I could say to my dad, and things I wish I hadn't said. You just have to keep a longer view of things, life doesn't end with death after all.

[someonenonotyou]

hey umm sorry dude (uhg im bad at this kinda of stuff) i hope she gets better but everyone has to go some time *gives a hug*
i have a freind whos about the same age who has excacte same thing anyways i hope she gets better

[Creeps]

Godspeed, man.

[mockingbyrd7]

I'm sorry for you and your mother... I really hope she recovers as quickly and safely as possible.

Luck and prayers,
byrd

[SoD]

A friend of the families has been diagnosed with breast cancer several years back, they can't seem to get rid of it (the bumps just keep coming back), but (if you can say this about any cancer) it's not that serious. Well, yes it's serious, but she's expected to last years and years before it gets her. Oh, she's only in her mid 30's, but should last a long time.

[Jokes]

*Hugs* I hope you have the strength and support to get through this difficult time in your life.

I know how much of a shock all this can be. A few months ago my dad was diagnosed with cancer in his neck. At the time the doctors said there was a 90% chance he would get through it with radiotherapy and chemo. He only had one (out of three) courses of chemo, because the docs were worried the stuff would send him deaf. At the end of the radio, the new scans showed the treatment had no effect at all. He has an appointment with the oncologist next week about continuing the chemo, though the docs say there is a slim chance that it will even shrink the tumour enough to operate, and even then an operation in that area will be tricky (possible facial paralysis) and they don't think they can get it all.

It is really weird listening to him say things like "after I'm gone."

[CrazedGoblin]

i really hope everything turns out alright.:smallsmile:

[Nychta]

I'll join the crew of people who're hoping for the best, but can't actually do anything but give you an online glomp.

[Castaras]

*more hugs*

G'luck. Really all I can say.... not really had to cope with cancer, only know the facts from Biology...

:smallfrown: Best wishes to your mother.

[phoenixineohp]

I am very sorry to hear that. I don't really know what to say or how to say it. I hope that she isn't in pain and that you get to spend some wonderful time together as a family. I hope that you can find strength in each other and become closer from this. And of course I hope she will be alright and you and your family as well. Take care, and you will be in my prayers.

[Thes Hunter]

I am sorry to hear about your troubles.

Be there for her, it's going to be rough for both of you and the rest of your family. Shy might always be in the best of moods because she has a lot of stuff to go through. However, be there as much as you can for her. Also try to find some fun things to do together.

[Jayngfet]

well I did read that certain types of cancer can be cured if caught early enough, and there is a chance after that it can be cured.

[Zimmia]

Words are all one can offer online, although sometimes it helps just to know that people do care and are thinking of your and your moms. I can't sugar coat that it's going to be a very difficult and trying time for all of you, but it can also be a time of understanding and closeness.

Good thoughts, energy, prayers - whatever you call it - works in truly mysterious ways, and although the results aren't often what you'd like them to be, we find that those energies in fact went just where they were needed.

Blessings
-- Zims

[Sxoa]

My thoughts go out to you and your mom. Best wishes.

[Faramir]

Best wishes. My mom is currently in the hospital with a host of things wrong with her (doctors hadn't expected her to live out last week) so my condolences on your pain, it isn't easy.

In the hopes that my experience can be of help to you and your family, here it is. Obviously you and your mother are different people but maybe some of this will help.

If she wants to talk about her death and plans for her funeral, etc., let her. Different people react differently, some want to avoid the subject but my mother felt much better and more in control planning exactly what she wanted read at the funeral, what she wanted on the stone, etc. You might broach the subject by saying while you hope it won't be necessary if she ever wants to talk about how she wants things done that you are willing to listen. I've done some reading about this and many (though not all) patients are upset by their loved ones' unwillingness to discuss these things (my brother couldn't talk about it, he just kept insisting that she wasn't going to die). The key is to allow her to talk without pushing her to.

If she hasn't thought about a medical directive/living will you might ask if she'd like to do so now.

Any things that you think you might like to do for her - do it now. Hopefully you'll have many years but it's possible that suddenly she'll need a wheelchair or suddenly she can't get out of bed. If the illness progresses you don't want to be thinking that you really wanted to do x with your mom and now you don't have a chance.

If she does need a wheelchair at some point be aware that many large drug stores will rent them and that some locations will provide them free of charge (for example when I took my mom to the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens two years ago they provided a wheelchair so I could wheel her around).

Let her know that whatever the outcome that you love her. If there's anything you feel you need to forgive, do so now.

If her illness progresses, then you have to accept that the scope of what you can do for her decreases. Right now I can just sit in the hospital room with my mom and hold her hand. Don't kill yourself wishing that you could do more (since what you want to do is just make her well again and that's out of your power). Value the chance to help, even if it seems like something too small to make a difference. It isn't.

By the same token, take care of yourself as well. It's much too easy to feel guilty when you're not with her. Don't run yourself ragged and get into a position where you're totally exhausted and not thinking clearly. That doesn't help either of you. If you have some spiritual/religous practice then engage with that. Don't neglect light hearted distraction (read OOTS :) ). It can help your mood which in turn will help her mood when you're with her. Don't be afraid to find things to laugh at with her (maybe renting a funny movie). There's a reason that "laughter is the best medicine" became a cliche.

If she does end up in the hospital for a long period, it can help if you bring someone in to do her hair, manicure, etc. I remember when my cousin was dying of bone cancer some years ago that was one of the few things that made her feel better.

I generally use the excuse of going to the bathroom if I need to cry. I try not to do it around her as it makes her sadder to think that her condition is upsetting me that much. There's nothing wrong with having to cry or not having to cry. Everyone reacts to grief differently, there's no right or wrong way.

Good luck and best wishes. My prayers are with you and your mom.

[PhallicWarrior]

I can't really say I've had too much first hand experience with cancer.

WAIT A MINUTE. What am I saying? I know at least two people who've gotten cancer and beaten it! It's not going to be easy, and my heart reaches out to you and your family.


Have Hope. At least then you have something to fall back on.

[fendrin]

Best wishes.

Many years ago my aunt fell and shattered her hip. It turned out that she had breast cancer that had metastasized. Her hip had become more cancer than bone. The doctors said she would only have 6 months, and would never walk again. She proved them wrong on both counts, living for an additional 5 years.

[Agthorr]

That's awful. I'm so sorry. :-(

[Adumbration]

You have my sympathy and compassion. I hope she makes it, despite the odds. Stranger things have happened.

Good luck!

[perpetualnoise]

I'm writing on the hospital's computer right now, wish I was anywhere else than here, in truth.

My mother went in the hospital on Tuesday with pneumonia.

Today, she was diagnosed with small-cell lung cancer that has spread to a spot on her liver and possibly some lymph nodes in her chest.

From what I can find, prognosis is not good.

It's strange. I went to my phone to call someone..friend, coworker, whatever... to sort of "dump on" because it just....hurts...and I needed to share.

I was in such a daze that I couldn't think who to call.

So here I am.

Anyone know anyone that has had small cell lung cancer?

Having some support would be nice right about now. My wife is great, but can only do so much.

Thanks.

Peace.

Jason

*Tear*
I know exactly what you're going through... 4 years ago this month my mom passed away from cancer. you can IM me by PM or on aim perpetualnoise85 if you need to talk or vent... it was what i needed most at the time and i'd be more then willing to talk with you about it.

[Zephra]

that's awful. I'll be praying. I don't know what else to say; I doubt I can cheer you up from here...

[EllysW]

MeanDM,

I wanted to wish you all the best. My aunt is currently fighting small-cell lung cancer. She's 70, and I think it's been almost a year since her initial diagnosis, and she's still hanging in. So there can still be much time with good care. Like your mother's, the cancer had spread by the time they caught it, but it responded well to her first round of chemo. I hope your mother will fare as well.

It's a really hard thing to come to terms with, especially for an immediate family member like yourself. I wish I could say that I'd heard about miracle cures. But it sounds like you're doing the best thing I could recommend, namely cherishing your time. Keep well, yourself, so that you can be there for her. Best wishes.

[Darius Midnite]

My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer 2 years ago, what a horrible time that was. But now she's all better and off the cigarettes. Cancer is not a death sentence, and never have been. I hope that your mother, and you, manage through.

[dyslexicfaser]

I'm really sorry to hear that, DM.

A friend of mine has a type of bone cancer: they originally gave her 2 weeks to live. It's been 6 months, and though she's getting worse (her hip crumbled and her spine may be the next to go, leaving her paralyzed), she's hanging in there.

All I can say is; good luck. A lot of the time, in the face of cancer, the best you can do is to try and be there for her. Every day is a gift. And sometimes you get lucky.

[Zakama]

I think this fits, if you interpret it right.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=KZHA9_AwBTM

Still praying man. Updates?

[paddyfool]

...

My Dad died of pancreatic cancer that metastasised elsewhere. Like some of the posters above said, the docs still don't know enough about cancer and never know enough about their patients to make precise estimates; some patients live longer than expected, others shorter, and he lived shorter. Which may not be what you want to hear, but it can happen.

It's good that you sought support, and I wish I could offer more, but I was 11 at the time, and obviously the psychological reactions are different for adults. Never mind all the other unknowns about you, and your mother; it's probably best that you find others who are better qualified to advise you. You will need their help, to support your mother, to support your other loved ones, and to cope with your own reactions; all of which is nothing to be ashamed of. All I can say is - hang in there.

[Danin]

I know you don't know me but my heart does go out to you. Having seen my best friend through lukimia 3 times before he finally succumbed to his illness his 4th round I know first hand what it is like. This is going to be hard. There are going to be times when you don't think you can keep going. There are going to be times when you feel numb and sick all at the same time. Just remember, there is always hope. Never forget that. And while you may talk about the future with her and not like what she is going to say, don't be afraid to talk about it. Whatever is happening, remember, there is always hope.

My friend battled cancer 4 times and each time they said he wouldn't make it. He survived 11 years since his first diagnosis. Theres always hope.

Regardless of what happens, just know that there are people who care about you. There are people who are willing to listen. There are people who know what you are going through and will do whatever they can to help you along the way.

When my friend had passed away I was told something and, although it didn't make much sense at the time, it means a lot to me now. Whatever happens, things will work out how there supposed to. I know it may not sound profound or anything, but I take comfort in it now. Even if things don't work out how you want them to, if they cause you pain or might be impossible to understand, they work out exactally they way they should.

Good luck in the commming days, I wish you the strength and determination you are going to need to face whats ahead. God bless.

[The_Snark]

Oh man, I'm so sorry to hear about this.

There doesn't really seem to be enough I can say, or at least not anything that expresses how I feel, so I'll just say I wish you, your family, and especially your mother the best of luck in dealing with this.

[TheMeanDM]

Thanks everyone, I truly appreciate the thoughts, prayers, stories, energy...everything.

Reading through your posts I do know that I'm not alone in this. It's a big relief to know that whatever I'm going through, there are people out here that have had similar experiences. Yeah, it sucks that we all have had to go through these experiences, but sometimes we don't get to choose what life throws at us.

Mom started the first round of chemotherapy on Saturday. So she got 2 drugs on Saturday and then 1 on Sunday and Monday. Carboplatin and Etoposide, I believe, were on Sat, then just the Etoposide on Sun/Mon.

She's tolerating them well from what we can tell. A bit queasy, but nothing serious thankfully.

She was discharged today, and we got her settled in at home.

We talked through some things yesterday about the future and her wishes, got the Medical Power of Attorney taken care of, and she declined the Living Will. Her being a strong/dedicated Catholic sort of made that decision for her. Apparently the Roman Catholic faith basically teaches that you should die "naturally" and that you shouldn't be hastened by withholding food/water. So pretty much, if my mom were in Terry Schiavo's situation, she'd want to continue with food/water as long as her body will accept it--but if her body can't breathe on its own, then she doesn't want a respirator. That was good to know.

We also talked a bit out final arrangements and some stuff. I've known for awhile what she's wanted, but never expected to really need to know more than a brief outline until..well..later *shrug*.

Ah well. I'm sure it took some stress/worry off of my mom's mind, which is fine with me.

***

My wife and I were talking Sunday night...as we've been doing a lot lately :smalltongue:

The subject of this particular conversation was "balance".

Like she said: "I want to hope that she lives this long." (raise your hand up to the top of your head). "But I know that realistically, she may only have this long." (move your hand down to your chest level). "I just don't know how to balance the two."

I understand what she meant, because while I hope that mom will be able to have 12+ months, I know that I need to take a little bit of a "realistic" view of the situation.

Yes, this doctor said she sees people on average of 6 to 12 months.
Yes, my mother has many other health problems that may inhibit her recovery (high blood pressure, obesity, COPD...just for starters).

So it's like....how much do I dare to hope, you know?

I suppose there's a lot of truth in the saying "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst."

I'm sure there will be a time when that sort of balance will feel...comfortable...but right now, it's just...not.

***

It's amazing how much people can "change" when tragic situations arise.

My wife and mother have always been "ok" with each other. It's not been as great a relationship as my wife has wanted, and she's done things during our marriage to try and bridge the gap between them...but my mom's been a pretty "guarded" and "private" person since her divorce 14 years ago, and another failed relationship about 8 years ago. Even with me sometimes.

But since Friday, she has opened up so much...she has been so accepting of help and of change in general...it's amazing.

She's taken recommendations from us, like getting a home-health-aide to come in. The biggest surprise, though, was when she accepted our "nudge" to rent a "lift chair" to help her get up from sitting, get her feet in the air, and to "support" her on days when she might not be feeling the best. It was amazing!

Also, my wife and mother are now getting along like...well...like my wife and her own mother get along (extremely well). That's been hard for me because now they're both picking on me :smallbiggrin: But, I'll gladly endure that kind of abuse for as long as they can give it out. It means that they're both still with me to give it out. :smallsmile:

Like I told my wife "That is my mother. That is who she really is."

It's sad that it took this situation to bring her back, but I'm thankful that she went "this way" instead of another, less "desirable" direction.

Thank you again for sharing everything that you have. I'll keep you all posted in this thread as things happen.

[Danin]

I'm glad to hear that things are going about as well as they can be under the circumstances DM. Still, if you ever need to talk you know where to find us. Make the best of this time though. I never got the chance and its one regret that has followed me around for a while. The time you've been given is a gift, don't waste it.

Were all here for you.

[TheMeanDM]

So, she started Chemo in the hospital, as I said. She was discharged on a Tuesday (April 15th).

After 1 week at home, she was relatively symptom/side-effect free.

But then she noticed that her right hand was going numb...three of her fingers felt "asleep" as she described it.

She also was having trouble communicating and remembering things.

Examples:

She couldn't remember how to operate her TV remote, and when she did, she couldn't "work it" very well (failed her Dexterity check, obviously).

She also had trouble expressing herself. She would be trying to tell me/wife/etc something, and just...stopped...in mid sentence because even though the words were "upstairs" they weren't coming out. Or, sometimes, she just plain couldn't think of the words to say.

She had been getting in-home-nurse care 3 days a week (M, W, F). These were nurses that would come in and do Blood Pressure, weight, etc. Nothing "serious". When we/she told them about her side-effect/symptoms, they said "sounds like a side effect of the chemo." and one mentioned "chemo brain" (forgetfulness) as a possible side effect.

Well.

They....were.....W R O N G :smallfurious::smallfurious::smallfurious::smallfu rious:

And there was NO apparent communication between these nurses and the ordering doctor (unsure who it was: pulmonoligist, primary care physician...we're going to find out, though).

We went to the out-patient cancer treatment center on Monday (two days ago) to do her 2nd chemotherapy treatment.

We met with her oncologist and told her the symptoms/side-effects she was having. The oncologist said "Those shouldn't be affects of the chemotherapy." and ordered an MRI of mom's brain.

This was to check for any possible/new tumors in her brain. They did one in the hospital and didn't find any tumors, but the doctor said that small cell cancer can spread fast.

Tuesday morning we did the MRI. At around 3:30pm they called with the results: possible stroke.

They wanted her to come into the hospital for overnight observation and then dopplar ultrasound tests on her Carotid arteries and calf veins.

(Long story short, we didn't see a nurse for 2 hours, and only after I went to complain did a supervising nurse come and get mom assessed/completely admitted)

So this afternoon they did the ultrasound.

Both of her carotid arteries are "occluded" (blocked). The severity of which is still unknown (but must be fairly serious).

A surgeon is going to be consulted to possibly perform the necessary operation to clean out her arteries.

Problem is: chemotherapy can screw with your reaction to anesthesia, so it may not be possible to do surgery either now, or in the future. The surgeon needs to consult with mom's oncologist and see what she says.


*************

Now...here's where things get me....pissed off.

While mom was in the hospital for her initial admit (April 8-15) my wife and I cleaned up her table, going through piles of papers, bills, etc.

We found a lab report that measured (among other things) Triglycerides.

We seem to remember a January date on the report (very possibly January 2008..but we're not 100% sure).

Her Triglyceride levels were WAY high (I seem to recall them in the 500's).

Normal levels are less than 200!!

A year or so ago, I had a blood workup done on myself, and I was found to have high triglycerides (high 300's).

They put me on a triglyceride lowering medicine because, as they said High Triglyceride can lead to heart attacks and strokes.

http://www.webmd.com/cholesterol-management/tc/high-triglycerides-overview

My mother was never prescribed any medicine like I was!!!

So what's happened, very possibly as a result of no treatment?

She's had a stroke.

I am not a very...litigious...individual. I believe that lawsuits don't usually do much good.

To me, though, it seems that this situation (on its face, so far) seems like some....punishment....is necessary.

Anyone ever sued a doctor for malpractice before....and won? :smallconfused:

[Da King]

My Aunt Inez died a slow and painful death (over years) from a radiation overdose from chemotherapy. She did indeed sue for malpractice(although she didn't want to) and won.

[Rogue 7]

Son of a Kroot, that's rough. I can't say anything without feeling inadequate, and lucky that I've never had to deal with anything similar. (Closest I've come is driving my 90 year old grandmother to the doctor's, where they were polite and fairly prompt all things considered for a minor checkup.)

[Felixaar]

That's tough, man. I don't know a lot about cancer, but I always seem to pic up a little knowledge on everything. As far as small cell cancer goes, I dunno, but out of curiosity is your mother a smoker? Cancer getting into the Lymph nodes is not a good thing. I mean, cancer getting into the anything is bad, but the lymphatic system is one of the worst places to get it.

Also, I'm not very good at comforting.

Seriously though man, best of luck to both you and your mother. Just remember that while it's difficult, it can be done.

[TheMeanDM]

Here's the latest update from the world of mom (and me).

The stroke mom had in April/May seemed to be "getting better". She was getting better "fine manipulation" use out of her right hand, and her confusion (more accurately called Aphasia (http://www.google.com/url?sa=X&start=0&oi=define&q=http://www.health.harvard.edu/dictionary/A.htm&usg=AFQjCNFecG0mJEa1SnsZU3HRTYkjEWi9mg)) was pretty well gone.

The docs ordered ultrasound tests of her Carotid Arteries (run along both sides of your neck up to your brain and face) and it was discovered that her arteries are 70%-75% blocked.

The doctor at the hospital said that he wouldn't do anything about it.

We (my wife and I) were pretty pissed about this comment (especially since he told the nurses this, and didn't come in to tell us!). Fortunately (or unfortunately? it's a long story) my wife and I had experience with a Vascular Surgeon in Des Moines who was an AMAZING doctor.

So we setup an appointment for a 2nd opinion with him. We all went down, and mom really liked him.

His recommendation was to do Stents in the arteries, since it's much less invasive than the traditional surgery to clear them out.

He advised us that doing nothing was always an option, but that mom had a 30% chance of having another stroke over the next year.

We all were on the same page that this kind of procedure was merely going to be a "quality of life" fix--it was going to eliminate/lessen the chance of mom having a massive stroke in the future so that instead of her body trying to recover from BOTH a stroke AND cancer, that her body would be able to concentrate all its efforts to fighting cancer.

She was scheduled to have blood work done on June 30th to see if she could start Plavix for a week, and then do the stents on July 8th (my birthday--of all days).

Well...

All that has been put on hold, at least for the next month or so.

You see, last Monday/Tuesday mom had a series of 3 to 4 small strokes that went across both hemispheres of her brain.

When my wife and I talked to her on Tuesday night, she didn't seem "right", and she knew it too. So some friends took her to the ER while we drove down.

The doctors opinion is that they were caused by her heart (http://www.medicinenet.com/stroke/article.htm). They did an echocardiogram, but didn't find anything in her heart. However, the doctor said they could do a trans-esophagial ultrasound, which would be more accurate and detailed...but if they found something, they wouldn't treat it any different than they were going to--so why put her through the procedure (and we agreed).

So, she's been in the hospital since Tuesday (6/24).

She should be there for awhile yet while she goes through rehabilitation.

The dilemma we are faced with now is:

Can (should?) she be at home by herself.

She fell once in the bathroom (even with a nurse helping her to shower) and because of the blood thinners and low platelet count, her whole back-side is one huge bruise (literally!).

With having only one "good" hand, I can't see how she expects to actually prepare anything for herself to eat.

Not to mention---
if she has a massive stroke, how long before someone finds her?
if she falls, being on blood thinners could cause her to bleed to death

Hopefully, the rehab/medical people will see what we are seeing and their opinion will fall in line with ours.

I don't want to have "force" my mom to leave home...but at the same time, I want to make sure she is safe.

On a more positive note, if she does require assistance, she will only be 14 miles from us (as opposed to 100) and will be able to enjoy her grandchildren more often.

[Sir_Norbert]

Wow, I'm sorry to hear all this :(

I guess I can understand some of what you're going through. Two years ago my mother was bedridden for ages with what the doctor told her was labyrinthitis. It actually turned out to be a brain tumour. In October they did an operation and took a lot of it out, but they told her it would eventually start to grow again, and she couldn't expect to live another year.

As I said, it's been nearly two years since then, so that's pretty good going. She's had to retire, which makes money difficult for all of us, but mostly she's in good spirits and in many ways easier to live with (though that's partly because I've bucked up and tried to stop being such an absolute lazybones as I used to be). Of course, what's difficult about it is that we really have no idea when it will start to grow again and cause her all sorts of pain and trouble before it finally kills her -- but we just have to put that out of our minds and try to move on.

Gah, didn't mean to ramble on about myself for so long. Really just wanted to say that you have my sympathy and support and I really hope things work out for the best for you and your family.

[Burrito]

Have you been in contact with the hospitals social worker? They may know of more assistance for you and your family. For the last few years of her life, my grandmother lived with my mom and dad, yet they still had a Home Health Aid come in every other day to help out with stuff. Or it may help in that they can just put you in touch with other agencies/groups/ etc and give you other options.

[TheMeanDM]

The oncologist came in Wednesday (July 2nd) and reviewed the results of the latest CT scan.

There has been NO further reduction of the cancer spots.

At this point, because the chemotherapy isn't affecting the cancer cells (they apparently become "immune" to it), the oncologist said that we would be stopping chemotherapy.

She specifically said to mom:

"Take the next month and do whatever you want to do. Go to a lake, take a trip, be with your family."

Pretty ominous, eh?

She then said to arrange a time with her in August to do another CT scan to see if the cancer has changed at all.

I'm going to put $1,000 on the line and say that it will have grown. Any takers? :smallmad:

Anyways...

At that time, we'll "re-evaluate" the situation.

*********

I think there may have been some "un-said" things from the doctor.

Why do I suspect this?

Because mom has a visiting nurse that can get access to the recods/reports for us (she is a Pallative care nurse--sort of like my mom's "link" between the docs and herself...someone who can get answers to questions and explain things better).

My wife and I found this report on mom's table (she has been getting her mail/papers and just piling them up there).

Anyways, this was the results of the CT scan in May (22nd).

It showed the following:

1) reduction in tumors in the Lung
2) reduction in tumors in the lymph nodes
3) no mention of the Liver (I don't think the reviewing doc saw it on this scan)
4) Atherosclerosis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atherosclerosis) in mom's heart/aorta
5) spot(s) on the spine indicating metastasis (spreading) to the spine & bones
6) new spot of cancer on one Adrenal gland

So, let's compare this with what the oncologist actually told us in May:

There has been a reduction of the cancer spots.

What could she have said?

The lung and lymph cancers have been reduced, but the cancer has spread to one of your adrenal glands, and has also gotten into your spine. We could do radiation on your spine to help reduce that spot, and that may work, but really all of it is just going to delay the inevitible. The chemotherapy has only been partly successful, stopping the growth of your lung and lymph cancers. I think now would be a good time to have some important discussions with your family, if you haven't already.

Can I understand why the oncologist did not tell us the above information?

Yes, because it *could* be pretty disheartening to the patient to learn that the chemotherapy isn't doing much of anything and that the cancer has spread to the bones. It *could* drive that person into a deep(er) depression, and take away the one thing they have left: hope.

HOWEVER....

There is the possibility that it would actually do the patient a "favor" by making them face the tough talks and decisions that need to be made. It would kind of "frame" for them the time that they have left, and potentially get them motivated to do the things that they have always wanted to do with the time that they have left.

All in all, I think the oncologist was sort of blending the two things together and using a "soft hammer" approach.

She didn't feel it necessary to mention the spreading cancer, but emphasized to mom that she get out and actually do some of the things she's wanted to do.

Well, after reading this report, and knowing my mom like we do, my wife and I decided that to keep her spirits strong and to just stop "piling" everything on her, that we would not tell her of the spreading.

We did, however, keep emphasizing to her what the doctor said: take the time to do what you want to do.

****

So, we had a "come to Jesus" talk Thursday night about a few things. Mom had fallen once in the hospital (even with a nurse right there with her), and got bruised very badly across her back.

The bruising was due to the blood thinners that she is on to treat the stroke and prevent her (hopefully) from having another.

So, with the fall and the blood thinners, her limited mobility, and the increased risk of having another stroke....we posed the idea to mom of moving close to us, rather than being 2 hours away.

Once we addressed her concerns about a few things (like us not selling her place), mom was pretty agreeable.

So, sometime in the next week or so, we'll be moving my mom into a small retirement apartment about 6 blocks from where we live.

We'll get the piece of mind knowing that we can check up on her a couple times a day (her having a massive stroke and falling is my biggest concern), she'll get to keep what independence she has, and she'll also get to see her grandkids more often than she had been.

It really is a Win-Win for everyone.

Now, of course, we just need to be able to sit down with her sometime and have those other important talks: final wishes, funeral input, burial arrangements, etc.

I'm sure she's not looking forward to that more than I am.

[Krrth]

Now, of course, we just need to be able to sit down with her sometime and have those other important talks: final wishes, funeral input, burial arrangements, etc.

I'm sure she's not looking forward to that more than I am.

My heart goes out to you and your family. I can offer a bit of help that we give our clients. It's a "Dear Family" letter. The letter should mention everything about the funeral, such as where, and what the clothing should be, what songs should be played, and so on. It sometime smakes it easier to write it down instead of discussing it.

[TheMeanDM]

You know, I heard of something similar called an "Ethical Will", but I like your title better :smallsmile:

It's an old Jewish tradition dating back to biblical times, when the dying person would write down everything that they hoped for their surviving family members to do/accomplish.

[Jack Mann]

I am not a very...litigious...individual. I believe that lawsuits don't usually do much good.

To me, though, it seems that this situation (on its face, so far) seems like some....punishment....is necessary.

Anyone ever sued a doctor for malpractice before....and won? :smallconfused:

Two things. First of all, if people did not regularly win malpractice lawsuits, doctors would not need to pay so much for malpractice insurance.

Secondly, litigation is a useful tool for reform and redress of damage. Oftentimes, people or organizations will do something wrong, and will not stop until someone holds them accountable. Litigation is a good way to hold them accountable for their actions. It also helps you when they have caused you financial damages.

It should be noted that most frivolous lawsuits do get thrown out of court, and many that make it past are not as frivolous as they first appear. Remember, there are many, many lawsuits taking place around the country every day for a variety of causes, some large, some minor. You only hear about the most exceptional of these. Much like the way news always seems bad, because good news is not nearly as interesting ("In local news, Bob Slapnicker did not kill anyone. Congratulations, Bob!").

So yes, people win malpractice lawsuits at times, and yes, suing the doctors may be an option. If the doctors are in fact responsible for wrongdoing, then there is nothing immoral or unethical about seeking redress or punishment for them. At the least, I advise you to speak with an attorney and get their advice. It may be that suing the doctors is not practical in your case, but you should find out the particulars.

I do hope the best for you and your mother. My own mother is a hospice nurse, and she's become very familiar with this sort of situation. The best you can do for her is to be with her as much as possible and help her get whatever support she needs.