Amuse me with your horror stories

[Burley]

I know there have been threads about this before, but I'm trying to compile a big list of the worst gaming stories to amuse my friends and I with.

So, gimme your best of the worst and amuse my black heart! Out of Character are always hilarious, and the most twisted/sad the better. I'm a little twisted. :smallredface:
I know about Lankybugger's story (that the right name, yeah?), but a fresh link to it on this thread would be helpful.

[Chronicled]

Your requested link. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=23784)

[Moff Chumley]

This is a bit sad, but, I was playing with two friends, a Rouge and a Wizard. We created characters at level twelve. I was playing as a Warlock (Don't ask why), and on round one of the first combat, the Rogue sneak attacked me. However, the Wizard cast celerity to do some horrible necromancy spell on me first, but I didn't find out what, because the DM hit them both over the head with his books and left.

@V Well Nyah.

[SilverClawShift]

rouge [roozh]
noun
1. any of various red cosmetics for coloring the cheeks or lips.
2. a reddish powder, chiefly ferric oxide, used for polishing metal, glass, etc.

rogue [rohg]
noun
1. a dishonest, knavish person; scoundrel.
2. a base class in D&D.

Now you know. And knowing is half the battle!

[Ascension]

Come now, everyone makes mistakes every now and then. Forums are often like rabid pits of English teachers, poised to strike whenever anyone makes a typo...

That being said, I'm with your DM. If the party is determined to kill one of their own, hitting them in the head with books is the only answer.

[SurlySeraph]

Come now, everyone makes mistakes every now and then. Forums are often like rabid pits of English teachers, poised to strike whenever anyone makes a typo...

You mean pits of rabid English teachers. And that's ambiguously worded; the pits aren't poised to strike, are they? Be precise!

*foams at the mouth, gnaws on his copy of The Canterbury Tales* :smallwink:

[FlyMolo]

You mean pits of rabid English teachers. And that's ambiguously worded; the pits aren't poised to strike, are they? Be precise!

*foams at the mouth, gnaws on his copy of The Canterbury Tales* :smallwink:

The Canterbury Tales aren't English. They're weird French, and have lots in common with latin and caveman grunting.

[Moff Chumley]

And lo, Chumley derailed a thread by saying rouge.

[Icewalker]

This is actually the funniest thread I've read in a long time...

As to stories...I don't really have anything interesting.

[Dr Bwaa]

Back on the original topic of D&D horror stories(or at least funny ones)...

I ran ToH once with a couple friends without telling them precisely what they were getting into until the end of the first session (about six hours and about the same number of characters) :smallbiggrin:

Then there was the time it was revealed that one of my players was an Elven prince, so one of the other players got (mock) jealous and for the next campaign, wrote up an elaborate backstory detailing how his character is the reincarnation of an ancient diety who created the Universe, but in doing so brought about his own destruction, so no one will ever know that his character is the reincarnation of this deity, but he IS.

[The Cats]

And lo, Chumley derailed a thread by saying rouge.

Alright, it's over, you've won he thread.

[Moff Chumley]

Alright, it's over, you've won he thread.

Woooo!
Yes! Finally! Oh Yah! I'd like to thank the academy...
Ehem.
Right.

Also, there was the time one of my players asked, "Your on the GitP forum, right? You know this guy, Emperor Tippy, right? You said you wanted to play an epic game, right?"

[Ascension]

Also, there was the time one of my players asked, "Your on the GitP forum, right? You know this guy, Emperor Tippy, right? You said you wanted to play an epic game, right?"

Yeah, that definitely ranks up there on the "horror story" scale. You haven't seen epic magic until you've seen EPIC magic.

...and the "epic" sorcerers just keep on crying.

[Recaiden]

:smallfrown: Why were they both trying to kill you?

[Shademan]

well we do have the story of the cleric that got eaten by a swarm of dire rabbits...

[Emperor Tippy]

Also, there was the time one of my players asked, "Your on the GitP forum, right? You know this guy, Emperor Tippy, right? You said you wanted to play an epic game, right?"

Did that actually happen? If so you should have PMed me and I would have sent you some of my real epic spells, the ones that are too good for general distribution. You would have had fun then :smallbiggrin:

The LA on one of my Origin of the Species spells works out to something like Divine Rank 40 + 200 levels of Wizard.

[loopy]

Did that actually happen? If so you should have PMed me and I would have sent you some of my real epic spells, the ones that are too good for general distribution.

That reminds me of something I read in a Chick tract once.

"Chumley, your cleric level has been raised to the 8th level. I think its time you learnt how to really cast spells..."

[senrath]

The Canterbury Tales aren't English. They're weird French, and have lots in common with latin and caveman grunting.

Um, they are in English. Middle English.

As for horror stories, would being overwhelmed by an army of cats one time and an army of puppies another time count?

[hamlet]

The Canterbury Tales aren't English. They're weird French, and have lots in common with latin and caveman grunting.

*is consumed by seizures and fits*

No, Canterbury Tales are in the dialectical english of 14th century English court (i.e., the Norman court).

They are not difficult to read if you use your brain.

[Khanderas]

*is consumed by seizures and fits*

No, Canterbury Tales are in the dialectical english of 14th century English court (i.e., the Norman court).

They are not difficult to read if you use your brain.
I don't wanna use my brain. It's tired and just wants to play WoW all the time.

[Quincunx]

Brain, nothing. Even if you hate reading aloud, do so with the Canterbury Tales. At some point you'll hit a word where your tongue just disregards the extra letters your brain is feeding it, and then your ears will tell your brain, "Hey! That was English!" It's easier than trying to look at a Magic Eye picture, at least.

[Brauron]

"The Wyvern, which you think is a dragon because none of your characters know what a wyvern is or what a dragon is or what the difference is, flies 180 feet at you, hits you with a wing claw, hits you with the other wing claw, bites you, claws you with its talons, initiating an automatic grapple, make a STR check DC 35 or be picked up and hurled off the Everest-sized mountain."

[Burley]

Wow... 20 resposes and... 4 were on topic?

I've read the Canterbury tales. Besides the fact that they aren't finished, and poorly written (even dialectic, they're poorly written) they aren't entertaining. It's just something that all English teachers feel they need to show their kids. Like Shakespeare and Poe. It's not deep anymore, it's not challenging their thinking anymore. It's antiquated and should be replaced.

Okay. Can we drop the Canterbury nonsense now and get back to amusing me?

[Hal]

Do non-D&D stories count?

I was at a small con a few months ago (my first). The major hindrance to this entire story is free beer. Normally that wouldn't be seen as a problem, but we were with the one guy in the room who didn't understand the idea of "moderation."

During the first game (mind you, this is starting at 10 in the morning), he kept grabbing beers at a rate of one every twenty minutes or so. Now, this wouldn't have been a big deal, except by the end of the 4 hour gaming session, he was pretty messed up. He was already a loud-mouthed, belligerent person, so it was rather difficult to actually DO anything with him in the group. At the end of each hour, he would get up for a smoke-break and demanded that everyone join him outside (despite the near freezing temps). We were playing a spy game, and we kept asking why the tech guy kept ordering around the only two people in the group with seasoned field experience. The game was saved by some awesome role-playing by other members of the group, but the drunk guy ended up shooting my character based on a gun-to-the-head confession from a terrorist. Swell.

I'd thought I was in the clear for the next gaming session, but wouldn't you know it that he sauntered over to my table for the next game and was welcomed in by the rest of the people, who didn't realize how drunk he was at this point. The worst part was that it was a Tour of Darkness game (Call of Cthulhu set in the Vietnam War), and he's an ex-marine. Of course he ends up playing the commander of our squad. So he's yelling and ordering us around and talking "like a marine," which means more gratuitous profanity than you can shake a rap album at. He also keeps making us marines "sound off," which was amusing the first few times, but became really annoying after the first hour or so. Now combine back in that he was STILL getting beers at a rate of one every 15-20 minutes, and demanding accompanied smoke breaks every 30-45 minutes. It came to the point that the game moved forward only when he was up getting drinks, going to the bathroom, or outside smoking. The game finally was able to proceed to some degree, though with a great deal of rushing due to lost time, when he "realized" (i.e. was told by the guys who brought him) he was too drunk to coherently understand what was happening at the table. During the third slot, we found him passed out at someone else's table. Good times.

The saving grace was the third slot, when I played a Savage Worlds game set in the world of Earthbound. In Savage worlds, you crit when you roll the highest possible number on your die, and you can reroll and add the new number to your crit roll. If you crit again, you keep rolling. This can result in ludicrously wild success. We were about to experience a boss fight (Pokey!), listening to the boss's monologue, when one of the characters walked up and kicked the boss in the junk. He then proceeded to crit FOUR times. The look on the DM's face was just priceless. "You . . . you just derailed my boss fight by exploding his testicles!"

Ah, good times.

[Kesnit]

No, Canterbury Tales are in the dialectical english of 14th century English court (i.e., the Norman court).

Hmm... Norman... From Normandy... Which is part of France...

Didn't Middle English have strong French influence..? Now, you were saying something about Cantebury Tales not being in French..?

[Saihyol]

Non-D&D

So the DM had been running a campaign for five or six sessions when he decided to buy a pre-written adventure. One of the characters was playing a traveler - really well travelled, almost all of the languages mentioned in the core materials, diplomacy, con, bureaucratic skills, geographic knowledges, survival etc. I was playing a scout/hunter/guide type – moderate toe to toe combat abilities, but awesome archery.

We started the session and met with our employer, a duke who told us he had visitors coming from this unknown place (really xenophobic land which doesn’t allow outsiders).

Traveler “Yeah I’ve been there, know the language and understand the diplomacy and hierarchy of the place.”
DM: “Ah, no you haven’t.”

The DM then proceeds to cross out half the guy's character sheet.

We then go to meet up with the envoy who’s first action is to draw a sword and attack me. I respond in like fashion and a duel ensues.

DM: “You get the impression he is not attacking full force, is much more skilled than you and is trying to show he is a better swordsman.”
Me: “Great so he’ll stop attacking once he’s proved it.”
DM: “Actually you get the feeling you might have to surrender.”
Me: “Well my character isn’t likely to do that with someone who attacked him from nowhere.”
DM: “He beats you into submission and unconsciousness”

No more rolls, no anything, just overwritten with DM fiat, but wait it gets better. My character when woken up by the party and healed a little finds a tall building overlooking the inn where this guy is staying. Waits, takes careful aim, gets bonuses from one of the party who decides to help me with revenge. I roll a natural crit (under this system a crit roll always hits and does extreme damage/crippling effects).

DM: “You miss.”

I walked.

D&D

Not so much horror as ludicrous. We work our way through an ancient keep and the catacombs below. There’s supposed to be some big bad in here that we’re trying to stop. We finally have beaten our way through the lower levels when we come across twin massive portals, we open them to find a perfectly circular room 80’ across. The rogue spends a lot of time checking for traps and eventually we wander across the room to find a huge treasure horde. We split it up, cart it out and are back in town spending it when the DM says:

“Oh, we need to go back, there was meant to be a 40’ sorcerer snake in that circular room.”

We spent ages arguing that the snake had been on an extended toilet break.

[SpikeFightwicky]

Here we go:

- I just joined a D&D group a bunch of friends were running (back in 2nd ed.). Here's the catch: the DM is one of the player's girlfriends, and isn't a good DM at all (more railroads than CN, spotlight stealing DMPCs, and worse). We were chasing this one bad guy and he summoned some crazy dragon monster thing to stop us. The boyfriend's PC was returning this sesssion from and wasn't yet joined up with the party. We all attacked the monster, and one by one failed our saves and wound up unconscious, paralyzed, stunned, etc... When the thing was about to finish us off, DM's boyfriend's PC shows up and goes through about a half-hour would-be epic duel with it (apparently only he could kill it). When we were all 'saved', the DM expected us to be all grateful for the intervention of the BF's PC. She ended the session there, and we all started up our own seperate game.

- (This one's a nightmare for one of my player's due to a stupid house rule they insisted on using despite my misgivings) So back in 2nd ed., my group decided to institute a few house rules regarding natural 1s and 20s. If you roll either of them, you roll the dice again. If you roll two 1s in a row, roll again. Your character somehow manages to break his weapon, unless you roll a third 1, in which case your character somehow managed to kill himself (autodeath). If you roll two 20s in a row, roll again. You deal triple damage uless you roll a third 20, in which case you automatically kill your opponent. I'm running a game, and the party was on an old castle rampart when they encountered some skeletons (simple skeletons, the party was level 13). The only player with a magical weapon (+3 frostbrand longsword) charges the closest skeleton... then proceeds to roll three 1s in a row. I described that his character lost his footing due to a loose rock giving way, then the PC lost his balance and lurched toward the edge, and flipped over the side and fell to his doom. Only one person wasn't shocked, and he asked how far the guy fell. After I told him the bottom was obscured by a thick fog, he said he wanted to jump down and go after his sword.

- Same natural 20 or 1 rule as before, I'm a PC in a game with the same group and level 1. A dragon shows up and a DMPC is supposed to deal with it while we watch. I decide to attack it anyways (my character was very proud and overconfident), and roll three 20s in a row. According to their silly rule, I managed to slay the dragon. The party went up about 7 levels and threw the adventure for a loop it never recovered from. Good times!

[batsofchaos]

Okay, so Canterbury Tales is written in MIDDLE ENGLISH. English was born when the isles were invaded by the Normans in 1066. Prior, those conquered, the Anglo-Saxons, spoke German (not quite German, but then again the Normans didn't quite speak French, either.) English then evolved from the mixture of French and German, where the upper-class spoke the former and the lower-class spoke the latter. This influence can be seen in modern English. One example would be words for pigs: swine is German in origin, and pork is French in origin. Makes sense; the lower-class raised the animal and the upper-class ate the meat.

In the 1470s the language became more unified with the introduction of the printing press; it was at this point the language was called "early modern English." Canterbury tales was written in the 14th Century, 300 years after the Norman invasion. At that point the language was very mixed and jumbled, and was starting to resemble English as we know it. It still held stronger connections to French, but to say it was written in French would be incorrect.

[Tsotha-lanti]

This is French, now?

To telle yow al the condicioun,
Of ech of hem, so as it semed me,
And whiche they weren, and of what degree,
And eek in what array that they were inne,
And at a knyght than wol I first bigynne.

It's so painfully obviously English, I don't comprehend how anyone could claim Canterbury Tales is written in French, of all languages. It's just written in non-standardized spelling typical of Middle English - it may require sounding out to comprehend some bits (although that one is quite clear).

Anyway, no RPG story collection is complete without a link to Simon Phipp's site (http://www.soltakss.com/#SillyStuff). The absolute best in crazy RPG stories. The convention scenario ("Having Fun") is piss-yourself-laughing hilarious.

[Ascension]

So back in 2nd ed., my group decided to institute a few house rules regarding natural 1s and 20s. If you roll either of them, you roll the dice again. If you roll two 1s in a row, roll again. Your character somehow manages to break his weapon, unless you roll a third 1, in which case your character somehow managed to kill himself (autodeath).

My current DM has house-ruled that any one leads to dire consequences. This has led to a drunk dwarf setting his beard on fire with a flaming greataxe, four crossbow strings breaking, and (when one of our enemies rolled it) a derro accidentally killing one of his henchmen. It's no insta-death, but can be quite annoying. We've had enough bow strings snap we've taken to carrying extras at all times.

[Kesnit]

This is French, now?

To telle yow al the condicioun,
Of ech of hem, so as it semed me,
And whiche they weren, and of what degree,
And eek in what array that they were inne,
And at a knyght than wol I first bigynne.

It's so painfully obviously English, I don't comprehend how anyone could claim Canterbury Tales is written in French, of all languages. It's just written in non-standardized spelling typical of Middle English - it may require sounding out to comprehend some bits (although that one is quite clear).

I was joking. Sorry for the confusion. :smallredface:

[Aquillion]

- (This one's a nightmare for one of my player's due to a stupid house rule they insisted on using despite my misgivings) So back in 2nd ed., my group decided to institute a few house rules regarding natural 1s and 20s. If you roll either of them, you roll the dice again. If you roll two 1s in a row, roll again. Your character somehow manages to break his weapon, unless you roll a third 1, in which case your character somehow managed to kill himself (autodeath). If you roll two 20s in a row, roll again. You deal triple damage uless you roll a third 20, in which case you automatically kill your opponent. I'm running a game, and the party was on an old castle rampart when they encountered some skeletons (simple skeletons, the party was level 13). The only player with a magical weapon (+3 frostbrand longsword) charges the closest skeleton... then proceeds to roll three 1s in a row. I described that his character lost his footing due to a loose rock giving way, then the PC lost his balance and lurched toward the edge, and flipped over the side and fell to his doom. Only one person wasn't shocked, and he asked how far the guy fell. After I told him the bottom was obscured by a thick fog, he said he wanted to jump down and go after his sword.

- Same natural 20 or 1 rule as before, I'm a PC in a game with the same group and level 1. A dragon shows up and a DMPC is supposed to deal with it while we watch. I decide to attack it anyways (my character was very proud and overconfident), and roll three 20s in a row. According to their silly rule, I managed to slay the dragon. The party went up about 7 levels and threw the adventure for a loop it never recovered from. Good times!
Those aren't so bad. At least the players / DMs seem to have rolled with them, respectively. It was just a very, very stupid rule.

(I recall that one edition of Ars Magicka had a similar rule regarding its critical fumble table, whose final entry explains how you embed your broken weapon in your own spine, in graphic detail, while accidentally staggering and attacking your nearest ally. Of course, Ars Magicka is far more lethal than D&D, especially to the expendable mooks with swords...)

[Moff Chumley]

Did that actually happen? If so you should have PMed me and I would have sent you some of my real epic spells, the ones that are too good for general distribution. You would have had fun then :smallbiggrin:

The LA on one of my Origin of the Species spells works out to something like Divine Rank 40 + 200 levels of Wizard.

I'm serious. I'd really appreciate if you could PM me some of your most broken stuff. Also, you should make a thread compiling your most cheesy stuff.

[Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll]

For an actual horror campaign, check out silvers campaign.

search "army of commoners horror campaign"

Edit: Here http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=59107&highlight=army+commoners+horror+campaign