View Full Version : Funniest/most awesome quote said in a DnD session.

The Fighter
2008-04-18, 07:11 AM
This is a more light hearted post than my last I'd like to know what are the funniest or the most overly bad-ass things members of your adventuring party have ever said.

I'll start with a few of mine.

Clease (my character) talking to a child whos father just died from a sword which fell from a tower I was fighing on: "What killed my daddy" Clease removes his sword from the mans back "Freak weather inccedent"

Clease to the Half-orc barbarian Grok: "Grok you may know what the (Reguarding grok's High int score) arcane bomb is but at least I know not to eat it..."

Grok the Half-Orc barbarian "Grok not awesome but grok pretty darn close"

Grok (while sheaking into an orc labor camp): Grok you roll a 20 on your bluff check "Grok, not Grok! Grok Korg."

Vastadule the Dwarven Cleric: "I CAN SHOOT LIGHTNING BOLTS FRUM ME EYES!"

Grok after missing a reflex save to grab a ledge: "GROK HAVE TWO HANDS!"

Grok(again): "Grok, want sumbodi to love"

Grok: "Grok poop in hole."

Clease: "Grok my hate for you runs deep into my veines"

Clease: "No, I do not think severing the hill giants spinal cord and leaving it to suffer is evil, It's a freaking hill giant!"

Boot the halfling Rouge: "I use disable device on the spoon!"

2008-04-18, 07:15 AM
It's not from my group, and I don't remember exactly where this came from, but in response to a "Where did you come from?!" question, there is this:
"Well, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much..."

2008-04-18, 07:27 AM
It's not mine and its not DnD but.....

LEEEEROOOY JENKINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-04-18, 07:39 AM

Here's some funny/awesome stuff that the PCs have said.

Said by the Elf Cleric of Nerull to a bunch of starving, desolate villagers: "Why don't you guys have a library?"

Said by the Human Dread Necromancer to commoners who looked at him funny as he rode down the street on the back of a skeletal black dragon: "What? What? Hmm?"

Now, if you want stuff that my players have said, I've also got...

Cleric's player: "I stick my hand into the pool of liquid!" (turned out to be acid)

Dread Necromancer's player: "I use my Negative Energy Burst!" (he was trapped in the mouth of a Tendriculos)

Drow Rogue's player: "I put on the sunglasses!"

Dragon Disciple's player: "I wanna steal something!"
Me: "But you don't have any ranks in Sleight of Hand!"
Dragon Disciple's player: "So?"
Me: "Okay. You try to steal a shiny, ebony skull. The shopkeep catches you."
Dragon Disciple's player: "Drat."

2008-04-18, 08:23 AM
It wasn't D&D, but as the DM of a campaign I revolved one plot arc around me getting to say something awesome.

Basically, there was this farm field that was being raided by rats, and the only thing that could drive them out was a particular magical snowstorm. Unfortunately, the only one who could cast this spell was a certain reptile mage, and he needed entrails from a bird as a material component.

Once the PCs delivered said component, they found out what it was: The Lizard Wizard Blizzard Gizzard.

2008-04-18, 09:33 AM
I wish I still had access to some of our quote lists. For some odd reason I only remember my own quotes.

"I'll put you in the ground for three fiddy." Was how my OCD undertaker hit on the barmaid in Deadlands. Interring a body is usually five dollars, so he offered her a flattering discount.

In a mage game we were arguing over a plan to take out some evil factory. The plan involved hijacking two trucks, loading one with explosives, crashing it into the factory, and fleeing in the other one. One player couldn't quite grok it though. He kept asking how we get away if we crash the trucks or why we need two trucks if we're driving away. Ultimately I think it stemmed from a failure to do the math that two trucks plus explosion equals one truck. Here's how I helped the player realize what was going on:

"Listen. It's like thunderdome. Two trucks enter ... one truck leaves."

2008-04-18, 09:43 AM
DM: No, you can't make a hide check while jumping out a window!
(Or words to that effect)

2008-04-18, 09:55 AM
I wasn't actually playing in this game (I was playing Warhammer a few metres away):

PC's player: "I approach and enter the bartender."

My first real D&D game was as an Elf Wizard (generic, I know...). I was slightly obsessed with checking for magic items ("Is it magical?" became a bit of a catchphrase). Hence the following:

DM: You find 300 gold pieces.
Me: Are they magical?
DM: Give me 300 Knowledge: Arcana checks.

Dr Bwaa
2008-04-18, 10:16 AM
The Lizard Wizard Blizzard Gizzard.


Well, there was the time Dunno, LG Exalted Ninja of Tyr, and Mennic, CG Scout, were in a dungeon. Mennic fell into a 20-foot hole, while Dunno (he actually doesn't remember his name, so he named himself this) jumped easily over it (and occasionally ran up/down the walls of the hole to offer helpful advice). They're low on equipment (specifically, no rope), and Dunno, standing at the top, offers this little gem (completely seriously) as Mennic fails another climb check and falls: "Great, it's not like we have to vanquish evil today or anything!"

"I attack the wall of force"
(later, having found the edge of said wall) "Look, guys, I broke it! CHARGE!"

the same half-orc barb: "Uhm.. I botched my Gather Information to find a brothel"
DM: "You find a brothel by yourself, and damn the consequences. You realize this is a stable just before it's too late."
(yes, I and several of my friends DM with natural 1s and 20s on skill checks. Sue me.)

(I wish I could do the accent here): "My name is Anistarra Nova, but my friends and lovers just call me Anis, though typically at different volumes." (He introduced himself to everyone he met with this exact quote)

2008-04-18, 10:44 AM
Jee, the gnomish paladin from the 'hood: "Where I come from, prostitution is both lawful AND good"
I don't remember how we got on that subject though...

Hunter Noventa
2008-04-18, 10:52 AM
We were at a fancy dress party, where the Warlock made a Diplomancy check onthe local princess. The result was absurdly high of course, prompting the following from the DM:
"Your diplomacy check moves the Princess from friendly to Prone. Good job."

A very strange Rifts game, (granted, very strange is synonomous with Rifts) had us jumping to a magic portal after ramming a Macross Valkyrie into some sort of awful demon. Some strange potions and another portal later, my borg ended up having this happen:
"Clone ninjas stole my cyborg body!"

A Vampire game had us going to Canada to thwart a Sabbat plot or some such. The GM asked if any of us knew French to read the signs. It was pointed out that the signs are in both French and English. The result?
"Once again, the GM was thwarted by the Canadian legal system."

2008-04-18, 10:52 AM
Another, slightly disturbing one from a couple of metres away:

Sudden shouts of, "We have to kill the children!"

Turns out they were fighting some kind of evil jester thing with a load of mind-controlled kids and they couldn't hit it without killing them.

One from my Cleric of Olidammara:

Me: "Let's all get drunk!"
DM: "You gain a faith point."

2008-04-18, 10:53 AM
In a Cyberpunks game, we needed a briefcase that had been handcuffed to someone's arm and didn't have time to remove the cuffs, so we used a .50 to remove the arm. While driving away, the team drunken gunner says "I put the arm up in the window like it's mine". The GM roll, says "You barely manage to hold on to the briefcase as the arm tears free bounces off the side of your car, and lands in the middle of the street." The driver glances over "what was that?" Without missing a beat "Nothing, keep driving!" That is now our teams response whenever we don't want to give a response.

2008-04-18, 10:58 AM
DM: OK, you all hear what sounds like scratching behind the wall

Halfling rogue: Ok, lets ...

Shifter Barbarian (Me): Right, I rage, shift, and Power attack the wall for as much as I can

Rogue: errr, wont that make it hard to hit

Me: Yeah right, only a complete tw*t could miss a wall

DM: What did you roll?

Me: ... erm, 1.

Gnome Druid: you complete tw*t

Human Ranger: Harsh but fair.

2008-04-18, 11:04 AM
One of my friends rolls a d20 and it rolls off and under the table next to his feet and ends up slightly off-center.

My friend next to him looks over and straight down past his legs and innocently says: "Wow! What an awesome ****!(name for a rooster)"

He, of course, was referring to the d20 being cocked.

We never let him forget this quote, though :smallbiggrin:

(Edit: Wow. Got censored. Though I think you still get the picture.)

Lord Tataraus
2008-04-18, 11:25 AM
A rogue who revered Erythnul walks up casually to a guard, put's his hand on the guard's shoulder and very sincerely says "Can I talk to you about Erythnul?".

We couldn't play again for 5 minutes. There've been many others, but I have to rely on my players to remember them.

Edit: Just remembered one of mine as the DM. The rogue (different game) searched the floor of an alleyway where they found a dead body, stabbed in a city with a permanent Zone of Peace-like epic spell (no save).
Me (DM): "Searching the floor you find only a boot. Inside the boot you find a foot, the foot belongs to an armed man who looks down at you with a very displeased look. Roll initiative"

2008-04-18, 11:39 AM
We were playing a game of SWRPG once and the players were a Scout and a Jedi who'd been frozen as a padawan 100 years before Episode 1 and was thawed out by the scout during the Rebellion era. The Jedi was eventually noticed by the Empire and put on wanted posters all over the galaxy. He kept forgetting and saying his name and trying to salvage it, one memorable occourance was:

Stormtrooper: And who are you?
Scout: I'm Gibben.
Jedi: I'm Dest Kii---aahhhhhherrrrrrrmmmmm.
Stormtrooper: Dest what?
Jedi: Jest killing time sitting here talking to you. I'm a jeeeeeeeeuuuuhhmmm...Jet ski racer.
Stormtrooper: Um...
Jedi: "Move along!" (which was our code word for mind tricks)

Shadowrun has lots of fun ones, I can't remember many but:

As my hacker was invisble from a mage's spell he ran up to a security guard and slammed his Ruger Super Warhawk (massive revolver) into his face.

Hacker: I know you can't see me buddy, but this is a Ruger Super Warhawk. You know what that is?
SG: Yes...
Hacker: You get up and take me to the hardpoint in here so I can jack in, or I'll splatter your face all over this ugly *** green paint yall got in here.
SG: The paint here is blue...
Hacker: Wait... I thought the floors were color-coded here.
SG: They are...
Hacker: *checks PDA* Oh ****! This is the wrong floor. Sorry man, nevermind.
SG: Whimpers.

2008-04-18, 11:42 AM
In one campaign I played in, the paladin had a dragon Cohort/Mount. He couldn't stop talking about, going on and on about how amazing it was. After a while, one player said (with some small disguist) it was just like a big sword in terms of being a phallic symbol. At that point, my sorcerer turned to the paladin and deadpanned "Sir, your real dragon is very tiny." At that point, we had to take a break.

In an Epic Level evil campaign, we are part of an invasion force of hellions into Celestia. To draw out the enemies (who were hiding in a fortified position) I used the "taunt" version of dark speech. While using fly to hover over their fortifications. And using a Gate to literally flood corruption from the nine hells over the very ground itself. What I said- "Where are your gods now?"

I found out when a few of their representatives appeared. Close fight.

Moff Chumley
2008-04-18, 11:56 AM
A player asked me right before we started an epic game, "Your on the Oots forum, right? You know of Emperor Tippy, right? You don't have a problem with epic magic, right?" After that I just said screw it, we're playing HALO.

2008-04-18, 12:43 PM
Rogue: "I use slight of hand to steal the orb the zombie's holding! *rolls 20*"
Me: "Congratulations, you took it without him noticing. Make three Will saves."
Rogue: "I use slight of hand to give the orb back to the zombie! Does it notice?"

2008-04-18, 01:17 PM
(If you're wondering how we were fighting warforged without knowing what they were, this was a Planescape campaign and we were on a different prime material than our home plane. Also, I'm paraphrasing a bit, but hey, it's slightly funnier this way.)

Me (as a rogue/scout: "Constructs? Drat! We fought undead last week! When are we going to fight something that's not immune to precision damage?"

DM: "These are warforged. They've only got fortification."

Me: :smallbiggrin:

-Some time later-

Cleric of Heironius: "Wait, I just remembered warforged are sentient constructs! We shoulda tried to negotiate with them!"

Me: "Negotiate! They're robots and they've got the cube we're after! We don't negotiate with robots!"

DM: "You don't know the word 'robots.' Nor do you know that warforged are alive."

2008-04-18, 01:30 PM
Well, our group was in some sort of underground cultist place. The party was a dwarven fighter, a cleric (me), a cook who specialized in throwing daggers, and his wizard traveling companion (IRL wife).

We had just caught a small group of the cultist in their sleeping chambers when an idea comes to me; an idea that occurs at least once in every adventure story. "Hey, we have a pile of dead cultists here, let's take their robes and dress up as members of the cult to take them by surprise!"

The cook responded, "That's just Cliché enough to work!"

2008-04-18, 01:52 PM
First ever session of the campaign I'm currently running. The party's arrived on a virgin island that is a large valley surrounded in mountains. The valley has a tropical jungle through the middle and is surrounded by open plains. They're trekking through the plains when they have their first encounter on the island. Pygmy elephants. The party is a hobgoblin Paladin of Freedom, a goblin ranger, a human cleric, and a gnome wizard. No one in the party has ever seen an elephant before, let alone a pygmy elephant. The hobgoblin's first reaction is to eat them. Before the elephants have a chance to react, they attack.

Hobgoblin: "I throw the gnome."
Gnome: "WHAT?"
ME: "Okay, make a strength check."
*hobgoblin hurls the gnome PAST the elephants. The gnome had no chance to react, so he basically lands in a heap on the other side*
Gnome: "Okay, you threw me. NOW what???"
Hobgoblin: "Cast fireball!"
Gnome: "Is there a reason I couldn't do that on the OTHER SIDE???"
Hobgoblin: "...uh..."

2008-04-18, 01:54 PM
Satyr Monk on defending himself when bound: Unarmed strikes. With my pelvis.

2008-04-18, 02:05 PM
Here's what I got:

1. I had a gnome wizard/rogue (can't remember the separation...) and my buddy was a kensei homebrew. He had taken up the leadership position. We needed to get into a castle, and he said "Does anyone have any ideas?" My gnome (18 Int, 14 Cha, 8 Wis) raised his hand (very polite gnome). "I got a plan! I'll need some rye bread, some saurkraut, some corned beef and some cheese!" "Great Ricros! How does that get us into the castle? Some cool new spell?" "What? No, I just thought it'd make a kickass sandwich... we're trying to do what now?"

2. I was DMing an Eberron campaign and the party druid was completely convinced being CN meant "act like a rogue". So he diced to hit on a girl he met in a bar and kept ordering her drinks. He sisn't have that abilitie that makes you immune to poison yet, and so he got incredibly drunk and had spider poison slipped into his last drink. She has a +12 on Fortitude saves (high level swashbuckler chick) and made all of her save on drinking, and left him with the tab. She left her purse behind, which he attempted to steal. The LG swashbuckler guy in our party put him under arrest. The final thing out of his mouth before the poison made him unconscious was "given the chance, I'd do it again."

2008-04-18, 02:05 PM
Have you gusy ever visited the site http://www.geocities.com/whoisceres2/dndquotes.html

I has some of the best quotes I've ever laughted about...

"You enter the castle of Jean Eric Villion" I could not stop laughting. :smallbiggrin:

Oh, yeah, have a spare time? Take a look on the Thread linked to my sign and give you opinion. Thanks.

2008-04-18, 02:12 PM

This is clearly quite unfunny without context, so I guess I'd better provide some. The group I game with IRL is distinctly non-serious. General silliness is par for the course. In any event, there was this big magical door we needed to get through. Our arcane caster popped a greater dispel magic on it, which removed some of the evil runes, but also dumped a fireball in the room. Our next idea? Have all the casters in the group throw a GDM at once. In the resulting magical backlash, my NG Cleric/Radiant Servant of Pelor was turned into a vampire. After removing my holy symbol, which was starting to get uncomfortably warm, I spider climbed up into a corner of the ceiling, because our rogue/light source (has a permanent Daylight effect thanks to some potions) had her brightness amplified by the door, which was generally unpleasant for my current form. There's also the fact that its a rather cleric-heavy party, and I'd rather not get dusted.

In any event, the Flamestrike-happy cleric decided to attach my holy symbol to the end of a 10' pole and poke the door with it. This opened it and reversed the funny things the door did to us, including my vampireness. I could only spiderclimb to the ceiling because of the vampireness. Cue the above comment, complete with appropriate hand gesture.

2008-04-18, 02:33 PM
"I challenge you to a duel to the death!"
"Because you killed me!!"
"What? That's ridiculous!" -Trull, Barbarian

2008-04-18, 02:58 PM
Well, I guess it is worth mention that in every game my sister has ever DMed, someone has, though entirely legitimate circumstances, had to declare "I attack the darkness".

As for my game, we have something that paralyses us all with laughter every single game. Sometimes every single hour. I just can't think of any of them.

There was the barbarian who declared "If I was going to die, I would have done it by now!"

Damn, I should be able to remember more.

2008-04-18, 03:00 PM
Though not from a DnD session:

"Ha! Let's see you dodge my dodge!"

Said as my character drove his dodge neon over some police officers, during a game of d20 modern.

hylian chozo
2008-04-18, 04:12 PM
The following conversation was between a Rogue and a Cleric of Kord with low intelligence:
Rogue: Kill them!
Cleric: Why? They not do anythin'
Rogue: But they're threatening the puppies!
Cleric: Wha' puppies? No puppies here. Me like puppies but me see no puppies.
Rogue: They're invisible!

That quickly became his battle-cry.

2008-04-18, 04:16 PM
After knocking out a party of bandits, the rogue grabs one of them by the arm, and beats the unconscious bandit with it saying "Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself" Then the warrior asks"Is there a squirrel around? I want to try something."
I never found out what he wanted to try

"You should play a male character that way you can hit on the priestess"
"Well, if by 'hit on' you mean with my greataxe, then sure"

2008-04-18, 04:26 PM
DM: "You find a Wand of Create Wand."
PCs: "What do the wands it creates do?"
DM: "They are Wands of Create Wand."

2008-04-18, 04:36 PM
That puppies quote reminded me of a quote of mine from a recent game. I was playing an anthropomorphic bat druid with a Wis of 24, but I was pretending to be from a nearby village who I swear had been inbreeding for centuries in order to get that dumb. Anyway, I kept up the charade, even in combat, though I'm not entirely sure why, and this led to the following comment after the guard dogs were released:


We were then promptly devoured by 35 or so dogs. They managed to land a crit or two each round due to their numbers, and we had no AoE available >.<

2008-04-18, 05:54 PM
The leader of our group had just seduced the Queen and her Daughter while we kept lookout for the King. After a couple of near misses, our satisfied leader comes out and my character justifiably complains.

"Yes, risking a truly hideous execution was so worth it just so you could have a little fun."

"Hey, I'm going to live the life I choose."

"Yeah, but I don't want to die the death you deserve because of it."

2008-04-18, 06:55 PM
DM: "So... you want to put the Rhino back in the bag, and charge instead?"

Me: Wait, so could I use action points for... this?
DM: I guess so...
Me: Gimme a minute
*A minute later*
Me: I use 11 action points and blow up all 121 of them.

DM: Roll a perform check
Bob Dylan (our bard): I rolled a 1... I start playing Country songs.
DM: Roll a perform check
Bob Dylan: I got a 16. Sweet, I start playing Highway to Hell.

"Okay, it's actually a Temporal Filcher. Do you still want to Grapple it?"

DePwnzor (Our goofball fighter): I charge full force at it!
DM: You fall into a pit.
DePwnzor: Oh...

Me: Okay, I use mage hand and life the ten foot pole up, and move it over towards the door. I position it next to the--
Bob Dylan: I open the door.
DM: It's protected by a Summon Monster V rune. A hellhound is summoned in the middle of the room.
Bob Dylan: That wasn't so bad, was it?

Kallur (Our Rogue): So, what happens if there are more of them in the middle of the circle, but we can't see them because they're invisable? You really should've taken See Invisibility...
Me: Then I blow them up with a fireball.

Alright, that's all I got.

The Fighter
2008-04-18, 08:14 PM
My Gnome Wizard while fighting a centaur
Centaur- "Surrender friend I'd rather this not get messy"
DM- "You deal 24 damage with you scorching ray, yo made the centaur angry"
A few turns later
DM- " O.k. Cobble Knocker (my name) it's your turn what do you..."
Later that night
Me- "ok guys I'm tired I'm going to bed some one play my character"
PC- "What do you want to do ?"
Me- "Assume scorching ray"

Clease my human fighter ran away from his party because they were being deceived by a pompous wizard. Upon his route he met a man who was carrying a huge glowing magical sword on his back.
Clease- " Nice sword"
Man- "If you can defeat me in combat I will give it to you"
Clease- " I think I'll pass on this half-assed attempt and plot exposition"
Walks away, Man sulks

Vastadule (in dwarvish)- I'M SPEAKING DWAVISH

DM- "you come across a cave"
Me- "I enter"
DM- "Roll a reflex save"
Me- " i got a 4"
DM- "a Kobold crits you in that back of the head with a spear 15 damage"
Me-" Kobold I shall strike the down!"
Me- " I rolled a one"
DM- " The Kobold crits you again"

Clease and his band of do gooders just saved a town form destruction
Mayors duaghter- "Sir clease, my father sent me as reward your valor"
Clease- "Im sorry im not the type of man who could accept that, for my team and i doing the right thing is a reward in it's self "
Clease gives the girl a pat on the head and sends her off
Grok runs by naked shortly afterwards with a girl in each arm

Clease- "only thing worse than a man loosing his testicles is loosing his sword."

2008-04-18, 08:21 PM
An extraplanar being had just dimension door'd in front of us, and as all our arcana checks fizzled (I think the highest was a nine) we had no idea what the hell this being was. So I tried to do the most logical thing, as we were hidden in case this thing was evil, and I tried a knowledge (the planes) check

Natural 1

Me - "Guys, I think this thing just fell off a boeing 777"

2008-04-18, 08:26 PM
DM: "You find a wooden chest, it has been smashed and the pieces lay everywhere."

Leading Bard: "I guess they got here first. We'd better head back and try to find them."

Barbarian (OOC): "Can I take the broken chest with me?" He has a habit of doing stuff like this.

DM: "No."

Barbarian: "Please?"

DM: "Fine. You pick up the broken pieces. You get a splinter and take 68 damage. Then it gets infected with gangrene."

2008-04-18, 08:28 PM
A wizard to the a frenzied berseker.

''You know what is a lightning bolt''

Barbarian ''No, you know spaff tock''

Wizard ''No, is this a new spell. Does it a DPS spell...''

Barbarian ''It's the sound that my sword make when i hit you...''

Dwight T. Barns
2008-04-18, 08:32 PM
Long days followed by no sleep then D&D make some interesting conversations:

DM: anyone want too make any checks before we head into the dungeon?
Dwight T. Barnes: I wanna make a search check.
DM: anything particular you are looking for?
Dwight: I search for Flying Potato Demons. (roll of 19 plus 5 from ranks and 2 from ability)
DM: alright, off the the left of you is ah tiny flying potato demon.
Hitler Cleric: I SMOOSH IT!
DM: congratulations, you get negative four XP for killing a poor defencless potato.

not really funny outright, but it was spotaneous and random. Later in the same session, Dwigh was miffed about something or other and Samuri got his rear kicked by an NPC rogue that Dwight thought the DM was gunna make into a plot hook. Dwight had told the rogue to meet him out back in the ally, the plan was sleep spell than kill him.

DM: alright, after the tournament you go tot he main Inn in the town, the fighter is in the back and the Rogue waits for Dwight out back.
Paladin(D.D.):i want to make a gather information check in the tavern.
DM: looking to learn about the Rogue or the fighter?
D.D: I want to find a prostitute. (rolls 17)
DM:congrats, you spend the night at a brothel, you catch herpes.

2008-04-18, 08:42 PM
SWSE I'm playing a custom droid scout. I've taken it upon myself to be the comic relief for the party (as well as the blood spattered ninja assassin, but that's secondary). In response to the PC who "owns" my character saying that the droid character is crazy, I responded:

"I'm not crazy, I'm Broken!"

2008-04-18, 11:28 PM
Trying to be a descriptive DM instead of saying "They spider webs you" I said "The spider raises its body and a stream of liquid covers you. It quickly coagulates into a sticky substance that you find hard to move in." I failed to remember that I was DMing a group of teenagers.
On that same note, the entire world is now lacking water based rodents that build dams and turtles. Don't ask about the turtles, you don't want to know.

2008-04-18, 11:31 PM
SWSE I'm playing a custom droid scout. I've taken it upon myself to be the comic relief for the party (as well as the blood spattered ninja assassin, but that's secondary). In response to the PC who "owns" my character saying that the droid character is crazy, I responded:

"I'm not crazy, I'm Broken!"

That's awesome.

One from tonight. We have been magically pulled into an Onyx Wizard tower. After briefly doing battle with the Wizardess because we pulled her out of her trance, we decide to help her out by repainting the huge, evil mural on her wall to something more cheerful. Note that this is at her request, we weren't deciding to do random redecorating to someone who had been trying to murder us a few minutes earlier.

So, the Spirit Shaman gets started on the painting, and I go downstairs to try and find a stepladder for her so she can reach the top.

DM: Ok, it looks like the library down below. There's an ottoman you could use as a stepladder, and rows of bookshelves. The carpet looks...comfortable, but..
Me: Oh, then I take my boots off.
DM: ...But utterly, utterly unnatural and evil.
Me: ...And I'm putting my boots back on.

2008-04-19, 03:20 AM
Back in the old days, when Keen and Improved Critical still stacked, our party had just finished clearing the dungoen under a monastery from nasties and was in the abbot's office, to report.

Apparently our DM thought we got off to lightly. At any rate, a portal opens inside the office and some bug-demon-thingy comes through.

DM:"Ini everyone."
DM:"Okay, Fighter, Monster, Cleric, Rogue, Abbot. Fighter what do you do?"
Fighter:"How far is the thing away?"
DM:"Just 10 feet."
Fighter:"All right. Quickdraw, then step and full attack..."

2 confirmed crits and a normal hit later:

Fighter:"Okay, that will be 92 sweet points of damage then."
DM:" ... the bug-creature crumbles and shrivels into a pile of unholy goo, which thankfully evaporates quickly."

The look on his face was priceless. :smallcool:

But wait, that's not it, here it comes:

Cleric:"What the hell was that thing?"
Fighter:"*shrug* Dunno. Probably nothing dangerous."

That paused our gaming for the next few minutes.:smallbiggrin:

Bonus points for those who can guess why a guy named 'Elliot' was figuring in these minutes of uncontrolled hilarity. :smallamused:


2008-04-19, 04:37 AM
I still think one of the better quotes to be uttered in one of our session is by Nayaire, an evil Druid, to Trosky, a rather unintelligent (George knows how to play dumb characters irritatingly well at times) half-giant psywarrior with a tendency to mess up our diplomacy by blabbing on our... rather expedient at times methodology. One of this mess ups prompted the druid to hit him in the groin with his staff and whisper to him this:

"Trosky, if you open your ******* mouth again while we are in this building, I will summon a mass of poisonous briars with foot-long thorns and order it to sodomize you through every orifice in your body in the most painful way possible. Now, Shut. Up"

Though it might very well come second to Tim the wizard's:

"I roll Perform: Tetris to fit the pieces of the rogue in the safe. Is an 18 enough?"

2008-04-19, 05:39 AM
During one session we were facing some goblins on top of a tower. The goblin sorcerer amongst them drank a potion of fly then began to zoom off. Our sorcerer/ranger hit it with a sleep spell that succeeded. He and our party rogue nailed it with arrows, killing it. Since spells don't vanish on death it remained floating in midair. After the battle the rogue suggested they could hook the still flying goblin with a rope and drag it along as a kind of floating trophy. I suggested we check nearby villages for a blind girl, then hand the rope to her and tell her it's a party balloon.

2008-04-19, 11:57 AM
Ok, so this fresh from our game tonight.

Fighter: So let me get this straight, you just sold me to those elves over there. The same elves who got me drunk at that party where that magic dancing circle made all my clothes came off and I couldn't stop dancing. Those elves over there who took me home and anally raped me. You just sold me to THEM...?

Sorcerer: Shut up and take one for the team!

Fighter: Don't you mean take six?

Don't ask how this situation came about. Just, just, don't. Those crazy Elven parties, anything goes.

EDIT: ooh, I almost forgot this one. Also from tonight.
So two of the party members are being introduced to the king of the forest, some kind of giant with a stag's head. A totally uninterested centaur is about to introduce them.

Centaur: Your names?

Sorcerer: Oo oo! I wanna be Vincent the Mighty!

Barbarian: Then I shall be Grit, Waster of Weaklings!

Sorcerer: I get to be the Mighty!

Centaur: *stamps twice* My Lord, I introduce: Grit, Waster of Weekends, and Vincent the Alrighty!

2008-04-19, 12:09 PM
I was sitting around watching some friends play through the Wreck Ashore module (We had too many people for us all to play). The party was interrupted in the night by the sound of something moving around in the brush near their campsite.

Rogue: I'm going to sneak over towards it and see what it is.
DM: Ok, roll Move Silently.
Rogue: Natural 20!
DM: Your feet practically float across the ground, making absolutely no noise at all. Now roll Hide.
Rogue: Natural 1.
DM: You take a torch.

[Insert Neat Username Here]
2008-04-19, 12:29 PM
Both of the following are from this forum.

My character, Tramlaw, had just saved another character's life. "Tramlaw! I owe you two drinks. Saving my life is worth exactly two drinks."

Another from a game I'm DMing: the party wants to interrogate a goblin and decided to intimidate it by showing one of its companions' heads. The party's unintelligent Orc volunteers: "I can get head."

2008-04-19, 12:39 PM
"While the sword is not beautiful, it is in the eye of the Beholder."

I got that here (http://www.geocities.com/whoisceres2/dndquotes.html).

2008-04-19, 01:25 PM
DM: "The entire room radiates an aura of evil. There is a table in the middle, and a chair in a corner. There is blood on the floor. The evil is so strong it almost makes you collapse"
Rogue "I Search the chair" (gets a 10 modified to 15)
DM "Someone very evil once sat in this chair"

2008-04-19, 01:53 PM
In a Star Wars Campaign

DM: Under some old parts, you find an old droid motivator
Player 1: What's a droid motivator actually do?
Player 2: Ah, it's the thing that makes droids get up in the morning rather than spending all day in bed in their underwear.

2008-04-19, 02:49 PM
not from DnD, but from the only large LARP event i've ever been too (its too nerdy even for me). All of these occured in the space of a weekend:

*This was a year after theTwo Towers had come out (i think), and there was still a standing bounty. The year before, the games organisers had placed a bounty that could be claimed by anyone who over the course of the weekend killed ALL 47 blonde wigged elves named "Legolas"

*"CRUSH! CRUSH! CRUSH! CRUSH! CRUSH! are you dead? Good... sorry im a deamon and i've eaten your soul. Go to god and make a new character. But give us your gold first"

*The weekend i was there, i was camped with a faction know for their heavy drink/fun-time attitude. Game rules said that game on time was 12 o'clock noon. The unnofficial rule was "don't attack the viper before 2pm" as they need extra nap time. One morning theres an early sneak attack on our faction camp.
Mid battle i hear
"sorry, hung over!"
"serves me right for attacking at half 12"

*One of my friends was playing a female dark dwarf cleric/healer type. She wore a beard (as all good dwarfs should). After one battle, she was running round healing people, and bends down to heal a fallen Orc. He 'regains consciousness' and grabs her long, platted facial faux-hair and says "mmmmm, pretty beard"

*Hanging round near a notorious bridge (it was a choke point - and lots of muggings happened there), we see a player walking past, decked out in all his dorky glory, big sword, BAD black face paint
One of my friends (playing a mardy dwarf character) was bored and said
"Oh god, its a drow..."
"Im not a drow! Im a deamon!"
"Look like a drow to me - like a piece of coal. Only 2 good things worth doin with drow - killin n burnin!"

A few days later, same 'deamon' is walking past our faction while we wait to go and have a barny with another faction. More cat calling, more abuse. Same "only 2 good things worth doin with a drow - killin and burn him" line is said. Someone else from the faction hears this and yells "GET HIM!" - que being peppered with a hail of arrows

*I was OOC walking back from the camp site port-a-potties (bag of loo paper in hand infact) one morning when i walk past a group of guys, already suited up for the day, weapons in hand. One of them steps out weapon raised, and this conversation followed
"Im out of character, dumb-ass"
"yeah... well.... rule #6 clearly states that through participation you may run the risk of being hit with foam or latex weapons"
"True, but by hitting me, you may run foul of rule #784 - hit me now, and i'll beat you to death with toilet paper"

He looked heart broken

*and the final, and most memorable moment -a mental image scared into my brain. We were all round the camp fire chilling out one evening - game time is STILL active, so player death is still possible - so people are usually back with their factions to avoid hassle. One of friends is working his way througha stella minikeg all by himself, and is quite suggestable at this point. So we dared him to run into the neighbouring factions camp without clothes.

he goes one better

he strips down. No Weapons. No Armour. He is left in just boxer shorts, socks, trainers, and - and this was the real winner - his fake dwarf beard. We watch as he runs down through our camp, over to the next faction 300ft away (pale white boys stand out a treat in the dark), runs through their beer tent (for LARP nerds, their faction was ORGANISED), and back out into the middle of their faction square, and yells:


People ran in terror

He got a mention and a huge cheer at the morning muster. 400+ people people giving him a round of applause for being drunk.

So we took this to the next level. Next night, 7 grown men, running round a LARP event at 11 at night, all topless, no weapons, no armour. People refused to fight us. Some ran away. The head of the armourers guild had his personal guard surround him and protect him from us. Not a single person tried to fight us. Proof that nerds are early scared.

2008-04-19, 03:06 PM
Aww, does it have to be DnD?

*reads thread* Apparently not. On with the post! :smallbiggrin:

My group is in the initial planning stages of a Heavy Gear campaign, and last session we were deciding on whether to fight for the North or the South...

Legacy: If we play for the South, do we get to call it "The War of Northern Aggression"?
GM: Sure, that's what the South would call it any...
Legacy: I vote South
JayJ: I vote South
Shadow: South here too
GM: ...South it is

This set the tone for pretty much the entire session, with several references to Deliverance, Dale Earnhardt, and gun racks. Near the end...

Legacy: OMG
Legacy: I just had the most awesome, most groan-worthily terrible idea EVER.
Legacy: We make a mecha, paint it bright orange, and call it the General Kerensky
JayJ: Battletech reference?
Legacy: And Dukes of Hazzard
JayJ: ...
JayJ: That is quite possibly the most terrible idea I have ever heard. You HAVE to do it.
Legacy: Yes, yes I do

2008-04-19, 03:14 PM
Legacy: I just had the most awesome, most groan-worthily terrible idea EVER.
Legacy: We make a mecha, paint it bright orange, and call it the General Kerensky
JayJ: Battletech reference?
Legacy: And Dukes of Hazzard

That. Is. AMAZING! I literally laughed out loud.

I have got to do this at some point. :smallbiggrin:

2008-04-19, 03:17 PM
Pancake: That is the most wonderful LARP story I've ever heard. :smallbiggrin:

2008-04-19, 03:32 PM
LARP can be fun if you turn up with a bunch of friends who have epic level ranks in Profession (Jerk)

2008-04-19, 03:41 PM
-for LARP nerds are a lot like sand people. :smalltongue:

2008-04-19, 03:49 PM
Two I heard from friends:

Town being raided by bandits. Party arrives to fight them off, and find their lair. When they arrive, they decide to tranquilize the townsfolk to avoid panic. Enter the low Int paladin, simply walking into the center of the town, and yelling:
"Don't worry, we'll kill everyone!"

Group spending all night playing. The fighter finds a new magic sword and wants to test it, but they don't have time to go to the florest, going to the castle, instead. After hours of investigation and social encounters, the fighter's player looks to the clock and says out loud:
"It's past midnight, and we didn't kill anyone yet!"

From my group:

First time playing 3rd edition. Party at a inn. Someone starts a fight, people start to draw their weapons. The innkeeper orders everyone to calm down. People with heavy crossbows in the 2nd floor appear in strategic points to take down any trouble maker.
Fighter: "So what? You'll hit me with crossbows? Hah! I can shrug it off without sweat. They are too weak. I'm standing up."
DM: "Do you know that in 3rd edition, heavy crossbows now deal 1d10 points of damage each?"
Fighter: "As I said, I'm sitting down and getting in silence."

Party with a wizard sirine, a ninja-like veggie-pigmy (or whatever you call it), a bard satyr, and the only weird one, a human cleric.
We are investigating some secret organization. We find their lair, and sneak into. The human (me), the sirine and the veggie guy stand behind a door listening. The door suddenly opens, and the bandits inside sees us, and sound the alarm. The sirine uses her greater invisibility ability, and the veggie guy rolls some high hide/move silently checks.
Me: "Hey, there's only 4 of them. We can take them out, guys.... guys? Crap..."

2008-04-19, 04:58 PM
Unfortunately, the best I can do for RPGing is a freeform session, and I can't quote the time my fighter tried to examine his (werewolf-savaged) dead SO plot hook to see what had done it, rolled a critical miss, and almost decapitated a passing mouse with a horrible cry of agony. He got a few long looks from the town watch.

Nor can I recite the time the group's beer mage (yeah) rolled a critical success on her Intoxicate spell on the bandits we were interrogating, making them both consider us their bestesssth buddiesh in the wo, wo, whole wor'd (hic!).

As for the way we got captives:

DM: Okay, you hit the bow guy with the dagger guy, leaving them both crumpled in a heap. Congratulations for re-enacting a 1960s Batman episode. The second bow guy reloads and - **** that, he takes one look at what you did and legs it.

2008-04-19, 06:13 PM
Alright here's one I enjoyed quite a bit from Deadlands:

After a rather poor sniper attempt from the party's gunslinger, one of the mexican vampires we were fighting and the gunslinger had this rather amusing exchange:

Vampire: Hey...Gringo...your a baaaaad shot when your scared.

The vampire then causually picked up a belt fed revolving shotgun off an uncounsious party member and proceeded to unload at the gunslinger, but wasn't able to hit him due to cover and distance and all that.

Gunslinger: Hey...Pendayho...looks like your a bad shot when your scared.

Also same battle (it took about three sessions to kill them all):

The vampires knocked out/killed (can't remember which) one of the party members and tied up his body like a marrionette puppet and were using it to try to get in the building we were locked up in.

Vampire (in heavily accented english): Hey fellow Gringos it's me your friend... let me in.

The Fighter
2008-04-21, 04:44 PM
Clease and his band of Do-gooders walk into a an orcish hut to discovery a quivering mass of ghoulish flesh from it's mouth spews green slime and it stinks like a dead animal.
Grok- "MOMMY!"
Clease- "That things your mother?"
Grok- "yup, grok loves mommy!"
Clease- "Grok your mother is an abomination unto the gods."
Grok- "..."
Clease- "Grok, I'm gonna have to kill your mother."
Grok- "O..kay..."

This one never happened in game but we were sitting around joking about it after I Drew a picture of groks mother

2008-04-21, 05:44 PM
Our top three. The first two from Shadowrun and the last from our adventures in the Bloodstone Lands of Toril in D&D

Been R. Shot (The "R" is for Repeatedly), and Bob Dodge, desperately wanted to get into this warehouse in the slums of Seattle. They were not getting paid by a Johnson, or a megacorp. They just figured that if security was that tight, something had to be of value inside. It should be noted that Been and Bob had long sense surrendered in their respective battles for humanity (essence hovering around .1 each). They had little moral issues for trailing a poor truck driver seen heading out of the compound. At a nearby stop sign they ambushed the driver, and drug him into a dark back alley. The following conversation occurred.

Bob, "Ok chummer, what is inside?"
Truck Driver, "I don't know they don't let me see!"
Been, "Fine tell us the code you used to open the gates?"
Truck Driver, "No code, it's a palm scanner!"
Been, "Sorry to hear that son.", as he removes a vibro-ax from off his back.

It should also be noted that Both Been and Bob hold shares in a Delta Grade Cyberwhere Clinic. So this was a win-win situation.


"Yonks and away!", screamed the immortal "Captain Oblivious".
Seattle's first, and as far as we know, only Cartoon Superhero Shaman.
A moment latter he leaped off the bow of a fast moving Yacht attempting to learn his latest spell, "Fly". Physics and game mechanics aside their exists no "Fly" spell in Shadowrun. It was probably wrong of us not to mention this to him, but to his credit he did try all day and night before giving up for a wile. Eventually we told him that he needed a cape and more spandex.


After a year of dealing with the Grandfather of Assassins in game time, and over two years of actual time, Quintin and his band of heroes finally breached the feared assassin's fortress. After dealing with several Baylor's and a really big dragon the heroes meet face to face with the source of their frustration, the Grandfather himself. Sitting atop an alter dedicated to the vile Demon Orcus himself, the undead death knight spoke down to Quintin.

The Grandfather of Assassins, "You have done well in falling into my final trap. Now that you are here you should know that you will not escape this time. My minions and I will utterly destroy you. YOU have no hope for survival. However seeing as you have come this far, and are about to die anyway I will answer any one question you have before you die."

With an ear to ear smirk, Quintin the Great replies, "Just one?"

He really meant to answer that way, cause the second every bad buy in the place groaned and lowered their guard for a split second, Quintin produced a pair of pearl handled Flintlocks and gave the Grandfather both barrels, blasting him from where he stood.

Come to think of it; the Grandfather never did answer the question.

2008-04-21, 06:41 PM
Alright, here's a few from a campaign I'm currently running.

Me: As soon as you walk onto the temple grounds, a feeling of peace washes over you and you know you'll be safe here.

Dwarven Fighter: That makes me very uncomfortable.

Next up, our cleric casts commune to speak with his god for the very first time of the campaign. This conversation is OOC, before the actual helpful stuff.

Cleric: Do you like pie?
God: You wasted 100 xp to ask me if I like pie?!

In a tavern -
Elven Sorcerer: I'll have some dwarven mead please.
Waitress: Very well, and some elven wine for the good dwarf here then?
Dwarven fighter: I drink it and (rolls diplomacy) avoid grimacing.

2008-04-21, 06:45 PM
I was giving my friend one of my favorite short role playing tests, the one about the small room with nothing but the iron door...
Anyway, his final words are as follows.
"Okay, I take off all my clothes, and cower in the corner". First, and only person who I administered that test to who died naked...

2008-04-21, 07:54 PM
I think for us, it's a toss-up between the oft-repeated "Stop touching my ears, you pervy elf!" and, while summarising the previous session, this sentence: "A paladin, covered in drugs, hitting a hellcat with an imp while a debauched noble has sex in the back."

2008-04-21, 08:22 PM
So last session I (as a sorcerer with maxed bluff, but no other social skills) bluffed our little (good-ish) party into the midst of a Drow fortress. We're hunting for a hobgoblin monk who's staying in the inn there. The CN dwarf can't be trusted in a social situation, so the gnome fighter and I left him with the NPC cleric and went to the inn. I rolled disguise (untrained) and got a good roll, so the DM let me shroud myself in blankets and hobble along with a staff, pretending to be a cloaked old man. The gnome put on an entertainer's outfit and pretended to be a bard. We take a look around but decide that there are too many strong-looking folk around to strike immediately, so we head upstairs to talk strategy. After a while we decide on a plan, which I won't detail here, but which involved the gnome pretending to be drunk.

As we come downstairs the DM says: "Picture this. A dirty old man and a little girl check into an inn, go upstairs for a short period of time, and when they come down, the little girl is obviously drunk. What does this look like to you? As you leave the inn, you hear several of the drow snickering."

Eksar Lindisfar
2008-04-21, 10:31 PM

did you meant pendejo ?

hmm...nopes, all my sessions are in spanish, attempting to translate them wouldn´t work, the social context is too different also...so I won´t bother trying

2008-04-21, 10:43 PM
Here's one from my first time DMing:

I was pretty jittery, since it was my first time behind the screen (though i'd been playing for about three months now). As luck would have it, I mixed up my notes on RP and such and let my players loose on some goblins who were in the room.

After they were defeated, I looked though my notes for their loots and to my horror discovered that the goblins were supposed to yell a clue at the party BEFORE DYING. Thinking on my feet, I ad-libbed a little scene:

Player 1: So... What's our loot?
Me: Uhmm... Before you can loot the bodies, one of the goblins rises and feebly raises it sword, yelling "FOR TUSENMAUG!" before collapsing on it's face again.
Player 2: Wait... Didn't we coup de grace them? How did it get up?
Me: ...Time Paradox?
Player 1: Who cares!? WHERE'S MY PHAT LOOTZ!

Whenever a DM messes up, we've taken to calling it a Tusenmaug, in my dubious honor :smalltongue:

The Fighter
2008-04-21, 11:45 PM
A rouge kid napped a princess. Wad, my Human barbarian was hired to save her.
Upon reaching the bandit's hold up he offered this ultimatum
Bandit Rouge Guy: "Your options are thus, do a little job for me and i let her go no harm done, or we fight and I tell you know I'm sure to win!"
Rogellio:(wad's partner) "What're we gonna do?"
Later on Wad killed the Bandit but not after the bandit sent a searing hot dagger into Rogellio's skull instantly killing him.

2008-04-22, 01:01 AM
For the better part of a year, I've been our group's semi-official quote keeper. Here are a few of the gems we've devised. Names have been changed to protect teh n00bz.

After quoting Rule Zero to my friend Seth, he responded, "Giving the DM ideas is great. It usually doesn't kill us. Usually."

While discussing Seth's ideal mecha: "'Brakes'? *evil laughter* I will brake on the twisted wreckage of my broken enemies!"

"I can't smite the terrain." -Party's paladin
"I say we take off, smite the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." -Me

"Knowledge (nature) to see if I know there are trees in the woods. *mimes rolling* Natural 1. I can't see the forest for the trees." -Me

"That sounds a bit pretentious." (It's funny because the paladin said it).

"That's a bad way to start a conversation: 'That reminds me of the time I stopped breathing.'" -Kev

"If my character was evil, he would have a better will save." -Seth

"Taking ten is for sissies." -Seth, regarding a Survival check
"Taking ten is for sissies who don't get lost!" -DM

"The Presinator playing D&D: 'How can there be terrorists? I took ten on my Diplomacy check!'" -DM
"But you didn't actually say you were using Diplomacy, so now there's terrorists!" -Seth

"Did you just hit on a dead elven woman? I've heard of low standards, but yours just went six feet under!" -DM

"Just go sell the wand. Stop roleplaying so much." -Seth again

"This is your brain. This is your brain on tentacles." -Me

After my cleric touched a cursed door that left him so itchy he peeled off all his clothes: "Is this the point where I burst through the door naked and scratching?"

"Enough nerdiness. Back to D&D." -Me, after an extended digression about anime

"You have an identity crisis and cast Disguise Self on someone else." -Camo

"I have Summon Undead. That's kind of like Remove Poison." -Stoner

When Stoner saw me reading Nietzsche: "'God is dead.' *pause* Sorry, hope you got to that part already."

"Cosplayer's a prestige class of otaku." -Stoner

"The hills are alive with the sound of half-orc." -DM. Don't ask.

"Does having one foot in the grave count as undead?" -DM

"I don't think dragons count as fey." -Camo

"Do ninjas have any mind ooby-dooby powers?" -Camo

Our druid once contemplated questioning a rat for local knowledge. This dialogue ensued:
"What do rats know?" -Druid
"Rat stuff." -Stoner
"They also know kung fu, and teach it to turtles." -Seth. The whole party got 50 XP for that comment.

Finally, our group has made a large number of references to a certain internet meme (I'm sure you can all fill in that number for yourself). This was the first:
"Morbidly obese: a six hundred-pound halfling." -DM
"His body mass index is OVER NINE THOUSAAAND!" -Me

Crazy Scot
2008-04-22, 01:43 AM
DM: Well, day breaks...
Me: I fix it!
DM: Roll a Craft check.

2008-04-22, 01:55 AM
"Isn't that like taking a level dip in a suicide-bomber prestige class?"
"It's not a dip - there's only the one level."

2008-04-22, 03:53 AM
DMing a group with a (slightly) idiotic half-orc cleric: the party comes across a hobgoblin wizard:

Hobgoblin Wizard: COLOUR SPRAY!
Bard and Rogue: *unconcious*
Sorcerer: Haha! Magic missle!
Cleric: ''We don't want a fight! We come in peace!''

Later on, in the lair of a dragon, the sorcerer tries to bluff the dragon...

Sorcerer: ''We're not here to kill you!''
Cleric: ''Yes we are.''

2008-04-22, 05:31 AM
In a Vampire Dark Ages game, one of the characters managed to challenge a
werewolf to a duel before he knew it was a werewolf. Since the character
was more focused on social skills rather than combat, he ended up searching
the city for a silver battle axe of all things and naturally botching the roll.
Thus he ended up in a shady warehouse with a group of Hunters who realized
that the character was after a werewolf.

Hunter: "We might help you with the silverware you are looking for,
could you tell us why you need such an unusual item?".
Player: "Ornamental reasons" (With a lousy bluff check, but very nice accent)

Naturally the hunters (paranoid bunch as they are) followed him, and a nice
chaotic battle followed with 4 Vampires, 2 Werewolves, 7 Hunters, and later a
group of city guardsmen(about 10).
(Had to simplify the mechanics a bit for this battle)

After this "Ornamental Reasons" became the standard I'm lying and don't
have a good excuse ready in our group.

2008-04-22, 11:33 AM
In a Rolemaster game the party scribe fell in love with one of the female N.P.C.s. But when she took him home to meet her dad. He being the bluff old soldier hated the Scribe but got on rahter well with the Troll warrior.
On the marriage today an observant P.C. heard him muttering sadly to himself. " Should have married the troll."
This caught on so much it was adapted for my character in a Warhammer game who was married to an extremely arrogant noble but had a Tzeentch cultust as a mistress, as " Should have married the Choas cultist."

The Fighter
2008-04-22, 01:46 PM
DM: "ok if you want to become an assasin you have to know true pain"
Boot: "Ok how?"
DM: "The assassin leader give's boot a child you will raise this child for 2 years and then you must kill her to join us"
Two years pass
Child: "I love you papa boot!"
Boot: " I love you too!"
Boot: "Woot assasin level!"

The Fighter
2008-04-22, 01:49 PM
Ferrick (Elven Ranger) : "note to self when the hafling wants to stab the demonic ghost child, dont let him do it!"

2008-04-22, 02:14 PM
This wasn't said in a session but about one.

"Ya big nerd, don't go to Botcon (a Transformers convention) play Dungeons and Dragons with us.

2008-04-22, 02:24 PM
Not actually mine, but happened to a friend's game. I promise I'm not making this up.

One of the unique items the character's received was an ivory statue of an elephant that, when used, summoned an elephant that could be commanded to bull rush or break down doors.

In one particular dungeon, the PC's come across a large door (I forget if they actually had a rogue and whether or not they could pick it, but whatever.) So they summon the elephant to break down the door. It promptly does so. The door leads to a large hallway with another door down at the end of it. They order the elephant to simply charge on through to the next door. Unfortunately, it fails its check, slams against the door, and collapses. Friend's immediate response:

"Well, if there's anyone on the other side of that door, looks like we lost the elephant of surprise."

Dr Bwaa
2008-04-22, 05:26 PM
Well, this is going to be repetitive, but the best one I've heard recently was last night (and is also in my sig); the physics geeks around will enjoy it:

The Players (In Order Of Appearance):
Dunno, LG Exalted Ninja of Tyr (doesn't remember his real name)
Me (the DM)

Dunno: "I poke the wall. Does it poke back?"
DM: "It applies an equal and opposite force to your finger."
Dunno: "Everything appears Normal here!"

2008-04-22, 05:46 PM
Well, this is going to be repetitive, but the best one I've heard recently was last night (and is also in my sig); the physics geeks around will enjoy it:

The Players (In Order Of Appearance):
Dunno, LG Exalted Ninja of Tyr (doesn't remember his real name)
Me (the DM)

Dunno: "I poke the wall. Does it poke back?"
DM: "It applies an equal and opposite force to your finger."
Dunno: "Everything appears Normal here!"

Ugh, that's a real groaner. I'll have to share that with my group.

2008-04-22, 06:29 PM
Not actually mine, but happened to a friend's game. I promise I'm not making this up.

One of the unique items the character's received was an ivory statue of an elephant that, when used, summoned an elephant that could be commanded to bull rush or break down doors.

In one particular dungeon, the PC's come across a large door (I forget if they actually had a rogue and whether or not they could pick it, but whatever.) So they summon the elephant to break down the door. It promptly does so. The door leads to a large hallway with another door down at the end of it. They order the elephant to simply charge on through to the next door. Unfortunately, it fails its check, slams against the door, and collapses. Friend's immediate response:

"Well, if there's anyone on the other side of that door, looks like we lost the elephant of surprise."

Yet I laughed so hard.

2008-04-22, 07:28 PM
I don't know why, but I couldn't stop laughing for about ten minutes after this one. Yet I was the only one who laughed. XD

Saucy Barmaid: What are you doing later, gorgeous?

Paladin: Praying.

2008-04-22, 07:47 PM
Group are on a mission to capture the leader of the local thieves guild. We debate how to take him alive and decide to change him into a creature that can't fight back.
We bust in on his hang-out and take-out his bodygaurds and the wizard zaps him into a porpoise.

2008-04-22, 08:30 PM
Me: 'Wait. Shouldn't we extinguish the dwarf?'
Elven Hitler: 'Unfortunately they frown upon that sort of thing around here.'
Bastard Hexblade: 'Obviously being on fire is the natural state for dwarves. Look how much he is enjoying himself!'
Dwarf: Y'aaaaaaaagh! Hot-Hot Hot-Hot-Hot! Too-Damn-Hot!'

2008-04-22, 08:42 PM
Well, this is going to be repetitive, but the best one I've heard recently was last night (and is also in my sig); the physics geeks around will enjoy it:

The Players (In Order Of Appearance):
Dunno, LG Exalted Ninja of Tyr (doesn't remember his real name)
Me (the DM)

Dunno: "I poke the wall. Does it poke back?"
DM: "It applies an equal and opposite force to your finger."
Dunno: "Everything appears Normal here!"

That is simultaneously quite corny and yet still genuinely amusing to me.

I love it.

The Sandman
2008-04-23, 02:04 AM
Me: 'Wait. Shouldn't we extinguish the dwarf?'
Elven Hitler: 'Unfortunately they frown upon that sort of thing around here.'
Bastard Hexblade: 'Obviously being on fire is the natural state for dwarves. Look how much he is enjoying himself!'
Dwarf: Y'aaaaaaaagh! Hot-Hot Hot-Hot-Hot! Too-Damn-Hot!'

You're playing an 8-Bit Theater campaign, aren't you.

2008-04-23, 02:11 AM
This is from a Savage Lands Torg game, not D&D, but:

Waylon: "Yeah, well the Living Land can Bite me!"

You can probably imagine what happened next to make this a memorable quote.

One random encounter roll and a botched stealth roll later . . . GRAAR, CHOMP!

2008-04-23, 02:33 AM
From an all bard D&D game:

The changeling had just done a rapid series of changes, ending in an over-the-top female form.
My mephet(who had just done the "humans mate with everything" speech) smart-ass said as the others were walking away "If the shows over and you're done playing with yourself, uh, I'm gonna go."

2008-04-23, 03:03 AM
From a battle where the PCs were fighting (and losing) against a group of devils.

Male Duskblade: "Okay. I break my invisibility and do my once-per-day Quick-Cast True Strike with full power attack on the nearest devil."
DM: "Okay, it looks like that might finish it. Roll."
Male Duskblade: *rolls*
Male Duskblade: *silence*
Male Duskblade: "1."
DM: "Too bad."
Female Barbarian: "That's okay. It happens to a lot of guys."
Female Rogue: "I'm sure it doesn't happen to you usually."
Female Barbarian: "Maybe you can try again in a few minutes."
Male Duskblade (to the DM): " . . . Your turn. Can you do me a favour and kill her, please?"

- Saph

2008-04-23, 09:17 AM
"Who needs a rogue when you have a spade?"

In an adventure involving kind of mystical trials. For some reason the bard took the trial of trickery instead of our rogue (I think he was expecting maybe riddles or something rather than traps?). Anyway, he managed to make it through almost unharmed by simply prodding the floor with a spade to check for traps.

2008-04-23, 08:14 PM
A bad pun, from online RPing.

Fashionista Bard: If you have no family design, it's a skirt.
Obstinate Tiefling: KILT! KILT! It's a KILT! I made my own family design.
Snarky Wizard: So it's Kilt by Association?

2008-04-23, 09:40 PM
Let's see, in a recent DnD campaign in which everyone plays a monster living in a dungeon, the mindflayer decides to disable some kobold guards on top of a gate by speaking to them telepathically.

Flayer: Hello!
Kobold 1: Er... hi?
Flayer: This is your god!
Kobold 1: Kurtelmak?
Kobold 2: What was that?
Flayer: That kobold next to you is a heretic! You, my disciple, must kill him!
Kobold 1: Kurtelmaak is speaking to me! He says I'm his disciple and that I should... what really? *stabs at kobold 2, rolls miserably, and misses*
Kobold 2: Knock it off *pushes kobold 1 off of the wall killing him instantly*
Flayer: ... Excellent my disciple! You have passed my first test...

That's the abridged version but it was wonderfully funny at the time. Another one hails from a campaign in which everyone in the group had either had to leave town (in real life), decided to change characters, been petrified, or simply couldn't show up. After the group fighter had been obliterated by Erythnul (as a lazy way of allowing him to change characters), my necromancer sighs and says, "Well I guess we should keep moving guys. Guys?"
*Looks around the room filled with exploded, electrified, ominously missing, and petrified former allies.
"Oh cra...."

2008-04-23, 09:55 PM
I have to say, it is a custom in any game i'm in that when characters, often random NPCs but anyone who is in a situation where they are about to die in an extremly painful manner, or suffer in a nasty situation where they know they are screwed but it is too late to do anything they simply mutter in a resigned voice

"Ah, Buggger"

Before suffering greatly

running gag

Also there is always an NPC name Burt Muggens who always dies in unique manner

2008-04-23, 10:17 PM
The High Capitol of an elven city got QUITE an interesting display courtesy of a sorcerer on day. He was on the roof of a major Lord's manor with a shady-looking character that had stalked the party, while myself and a rather intelligent half-orc cleric were on the balcony below, looking down at where the Lord of the castle was giving a speech. The man charges the sorcerer, who dodges and uses Burning Hands.

The assailant catches on fire and thrashes about, before falling off the roof, smacks off our balcony, and screams the whole way down to the ground as he bounces off various obstructions like a Plinko chip. He lands directly on the podium the Lord was using.

Nobody made a sound except for the half-orc, with his usual amount of tact. "..........Da-yamn!"

Da Beast
2008-04-24, 02:15 AM
The party had been framed for murder and thrown in jail. While escaping the heavily armored fighter rolled a 4 on his move silently check. Naturally a guard showed up so I went with the first story that popped into my head

Guard: Hey, what are you doing here?
Me: We're... salesmen.
Guard: Salesmen? Well what are you selling?
Me: Um... security systems?
Guard: Security systems, what's that?
Me: It's a series of traps and alarms designed to catch intruders. You see how easily we got in here? You need our business.
Guard: Well wait here, I'll go and get my supervisor.

And then we ran far, far away.

2008-04-24, 05:23 AM
This is from good old AD&D and will never die.

Here's the extremely overpowered party. All about 15th level or so.

Elven Sword-mage
Human - priestess of the Sun
Human- Priest of Death
Human Wizard
Dwarven Barbarian
Dwarven Fighter
Halfling Rogue

I forget the names, but thats okay. We're playing the Dragon Mountain adventure set, with some heavy mods by the DM.

After yet another kobold killing spree the GM pops up with the fact that we just killed off a village full of kobolds mostly due to the Cloud Kill spell. Once it dissipates we enter the area to loot. THe Death PRiest finds a dead kobold baby, and then proceed to turn it into a zombie, along with the rest of its family. The player was a little demented, funny though. The Sun Priest freaks and turns dead, rolls a nat 20 on her check and dusts the entire cluster of zombies. Someone, the fighter I think, walks over to the dusted baby kobold and says "Look, Baby Powder!"

Reel On, Love
2008-04-24, 05:33 AM
From a battle where the PCs were fighting (and losing) against a group of devils.

Male Duskblade: "Okay. I break my invisibility and do my once-per-day Quick-Cast True Strike with full power attack on the nearest devil."
DM: "Okay, it looks like that might finish it. Roll."
Male Duskblade: *rolls*
Male Duskblade: *silence*
Male Duskblade: "1."
DM: "Too bad."
Female Barbarian: "That's okay. It happens to a lot of guys."
Female Rogue: "I'm sure it doesn't happen to you usually."
Female Barbarian: "Maybe you can try again in a few minutes."
Male Duskblade (to the DM): " . . . Your turn. Can you do me a favour and kill her, please?"

- Saph

Comedy. Gold.

2008-04-24, 05:42 AM
Situation: Fighter scores a nat 20 three times in a row on the Priest of a temple, splattering the entire church with his entrails. The party then realizes they're in a town protected by the most hardcore police force they've encountered thus far. Druid looks out the door, sees a guard standing outside who just witnessed the entire thing, summons a bear, points at the bear and says,

"The bear did it. Honest."

The Fighter
2008-04-25, 07:38 AM
Clease and Vastadule go to a bath house after a long and testing quest as the two heroes settel down nymphs and dryads come to bathe them, the fay being to flirt and bathe the Human, Clease and scrub the Dwarf and his beard vigioursly one of the nymphs pulls a carp out Vastadules beard.
Clease: "What the hell is that!?"
Vastadule: "Me Lunch!"

Vastadule in all his Clerical madness challenges a necromancer to a fight, the necromancer was much more powerful than the dwarf, After a while of fending of the necromancer and his deciples he takes a sword to the back.
After this clease uses a magical item (Don't want to go into detail about it)
to blow the deciples away from his partner.

Clease: "You, know you would be 6 feet under with out me old man!"
Vastadule: "Wat'er ye talkin about ye blu me up!"
Clease: "We'll yeah, but out of love."

The Fighter
2008-04-27, 02:00 PM
DM: "You see a devilish portal into the nether realm what do you do?"
Clease and Grok In unison- Clease: "I throw a javelin into the hole"
Grok:"I jump into the portal"
DM:"Well the javeline hits grok in the ass role for damage"

2008-04-29, 05:26 PM
Me, opening my first campaign and out of pure spite for every person on here who has "78 % of DMs..." in their signature line:

"A dwarf and a Warforged walk into a tavern..."

Skippy, unpon learning that Rob's sword, which is on fire, has struck an enemy: "You know, if that guy's wearing padded armor...". (He was. They ended up starting a forest fire...)

Dwarf Fighter, upon being asked to stop by the creepy-NPC-who-gave-them-the-mission to stop by the manor later to get his treasure, alone and after dark: "... you're not some kinda freak are you!? *backs away in alarm*" this kind of undermined my attempt to create a creepy-but-suave NPC of a mafioso-type...

Ryan, playing a female sorcercer: " I offer to walk the waitress home" And yes, he meant it exactly the way a male player would mean it. This largely happened because I tried to go easy on him, and because of his low HP and crappy AC I figured I could give him mid-adventure treasure in the form of a very useful Ring of Protection, and "the waitress likes how you handled the situation earlier" was taken to mean "she has a thing for me! Woot!"

Ralph, in the midst of creating his Warforged Monk: "... I want tea and a tea set!"
Me: "...why?" (remember, folks: Warforged don't need to eat or drink. Turned out he just wanted it for the amusing aesthetics of a tea-"sipping" Warforged Monk. The mental image was hilarious enough that I actually gave it to him for free...)


2008-04-29, 06:09 PM
The (small and still pretty low-level) party is exploring the Underdark...

DM (paraphrased): As you make your way through the tunnel you soon come to a sturdy stone wall. A reinforced gate is set into the wall, and numerous arrow slits are in evidence over the gate. A drow warrior sticks his head over the wall and demands, in broken, heavily-accented common "What you want, topsiders?"

Me: Uhhh... his name isn't Drizzt by any chance, is it?

DM: No. Start negotiating.

2008-04-29, 08:47 PM
"I attempt to seduce the Balor." :smallannoyed:

2008-04-29, 09:12 PM
"I attempt to seduce the Balor." :smallannoyed:

I have to know what lead up to this, and what happened because of this.

2008-04-29, 09:16 PM
"I attempt to seduce the Balor." :smallannoyed:

That's certainly better than...

Player: "I attempt to grapple the Tarrasque."
DM: "...Why?"
Player: "I'm wearing spiked armor, duh!"

2008-04-29, 09:32 PM
That's certainly better than...

Player: "I attempt to grapple the Tarrasque."
DM: "...Why?"
Player: "I'm wearing spiked armor, duh!"

My personal favorite was in the "Guide for New DMs" thread that is stickied (I think).

Player: I jump into the spiked pit!
DM:.... WHY?
Player: Ahh, I can take it.

2008-04-29, 09:39 PM
We had this little gem at a point; a 5th level party of 6 characters in a tunnel with no light sources, aware of few Trolls in the presence. The following scene occurs:

Elven Fighter: I shoot at the Troll, guessing it's in this square.
DM: Ok, roll attack and miss chance.
Elven Fighter: *rolls* Crit! Hits past concealment. Confirmed!
DM: ...you just shot it in the eye without knowing its location. Well done. You hear a loud *thuck* and a very surprised-sounding howl of agony.

Of course, we had to grill it later on, but it was down for the count. I was playing the particular Elf (amusingly enough, I can't remember his name anymore - the incident was a few years ago in our first campaign) and I'll have to say, I've never had anything quite as awesome happen since.

Oh yeah, for some weird reason, whenever the opponents run from us, we never miss them. A funny fact; nobody ever escaped that party, except for a stupid level High Wizard who dropped to 1 from readied attack and made her Concentration to teleport out in the same dungeon.

2008-04-29, 10:05 PM
I have to know what lead up to this, and what happened because of this.

It's a bit of a long story that's best summed up with that one quote (I mean, really, you already know everything you need to know about the player just from the quote), but I'll explain anyway since it was a fairly silly session.

I missed a session, but the campaign I started playing in (not DMing anymore) this week got on the wrong side of a very powerful NPC caster of unknown class. I honestly don't expect it to turn out to be a by-the-rules summoning, because my group seems to know disturbingly little about game rules (but the DM is way more creative than me, so it still works out better), but I don't think it's significant in this case.

Anyway, the party Rogue is apparently trying to get the most of his social skill points before we dive into another dungeon or run off for a quest, so while we're in town he tries to steal everything not nailed down, abduct and masquerade as the city's nobility, and uses sneaking and lying and cheating even when it's more convenient - even crucial - not to.

Well, it turns out that one of the king's advisors is a powerful spellcaster of some sort, so when our stealthy Rogue sneaks up and knocks him out, ties him up in his own basement, steals his identity (along with quite a lot of other things), and uses his social standing to screw with the 'common folk' and the law enforcement, he doesn't seem to happy when we see him teleport into our path one day, along with 20 of the incompetent city guards.

He says he's going to have us arrested and put on trial. But since the guards aren't that good, our Rogue friend decides that he's not in enough danger to restrain himself from rolling a ridiculous Sleight of Hand to steal the caster's pants. So he summons up a Balor to do his bidding. "Come quietly, or bad things will happen." Notice that at this point, he's still only threatening us if we don't comply, so we're not in immediate danger unless we screw this up pretty badly.

Rogue then tries to seduce the Balor. Anyone not capable of magically teleporting the hell out of there died, including the Rogue. Luckily, 3 of 5 were able to escape.:smallannoyed:

2008-04-29, 11:22 PM
I was playing a binder in a 1 session horror game for Halloween and everyone was playing some sort of dark and mysterious character. On the hike back from the haunted mansion full of possessed dolls,an angry home brewed vestige made manifest and the ghost of a 6 year old girl I finished twice with my fire breath from binding Amon, me and my lone remaining hit point were not in a talkative mood. When we bumped into the local preacher of Pelor on the road he gasped in horror at our wounds and asked how it went. The conversation went kinda like this:

Me: "Ooh, it was good. I lit a little girl on fire"
Priest: "...What?"
Me: "Don't worry, its not the first time"
Priest: "What?!"
Me: "I'll tell you about it later, when I'm not holding my spleen in"

Come to think about it, I fled town before I actually told him what happened...

2008-04-30, 12:03 AM
I remember one session a few years ago where I was playing an Elven Ranger (with a bit of a trickster attitude) and a friend of mine was the a Half-troll Barbarian who had a severe phobia of water...

At one point... technicly the last point of the campaign, we were on a boat heading out to an island for some reason or whatever. While on the boat, the DM goes and asks everyone what they're doing at the time. When it came for me to answer...

DM "Aust, what are you doing?"
Aust (me) "Helping (half-troll, forgot name) get over his phobia."
(Half-troll) "You are?"
Aust "Yeah sure..."
DM "How?"
Aust "We're gonna go fishing... :smallbiggrin:"
DM "With what? Do you have any fishing equipment?"
Aust "Yeah sure..."

I ended up using the half troll as bait after a lucky strength check. I put him in some netting off the side of the boat and lowered it until he was partially submerged... Then I caught something.

A leviathan.

Alas... at level 4-6... the boat ended up sinking... the half-troll was lost...(the player wasn't mad at me, luckily... he wanted a new pc) and we got rescued... by pirates.

Admiral Squish
2008-04-30, 02:27 AM
From My first adventure:
ME: "I examine the spider!"
DM: "What?"
ME: "I go over and look closely at the spider."
DM: "Why?"
ME: "Could be something, I dunno. Animal companion? Familiar? Animal Messenger? I just wanna check it out."
DM: "Nothing interesting about the spider."
ME: "...I take 20."


ME: "I examine the spider."
DM: "You know what? Fine. Lolth gets pissed you're so suspicious of her kin. A drider teleports in behind you. Roll Initiative."

I ended up winning.

And, the phrase that has haunted me ever since my first session DMing:
(Said in a high-pitched british voice) "You don't know of the silver flame? Then what are you doing in flamekeep, hmm?"

2008-04-30, 07:39 AM
About a year a go i ran with a rather large group I was a good old fashioned Halfling Rogue (boooyaaah). Anyway there was another rogue in the party a female elf i believe. But everyone know that rogues dont trust other rogues and especially if your not from the same guild. hehe we werent. SO we constantly went through the dungeon trying to "ONE UP" each other. any way the good part we spotted a trap her actually haveing a better disable trap skill than me, i take off...this is how it went down:

my Rogue: Hey guys i got this, ill show you how to disable a trap.
Other rogue: ok whatever (something to that effect)
My rogue: Roll Nat 1 on the disable device .....
DM: OK you stand on the pressure plate trying to pry it up you are just heavy enough to cause it to sink and drop the 3 ton block on your head. Make a reflex
My rogue: Reflex nat 20. OHYEAH
DM: you jump out of the way but barely
other rogue: OMG YOUR such a newb.
My rogue: But i disabled it didnt I!!! followed with a :tongue:

so i htink i oned up the other rogue. lol but i eventually got killed and not by a trap

2008-04-30, 08:27 AM
We have a running joke in our group. (though its not very funny)

Every night when we rest if nothing actually happened the DM will state "The night (knight?) passed with out incident" To which one of us normally exclaims "Why doesn't that bastard stop and help us" (or something like that)

This also went on in a DC heroes game we played "The Dark Knight Passes Without Incident"

2008-04-30, 08:30 AM
We have a running joke in our group. (though its not very funny)

Every night when we rest if nothing actually happened the DM will state "The night (knight?) passed with out incident" To which one of us normally exclaims "Why doesn't that bastard stop and help us" (or something like that)

This also went on in a DC heroes game we played "The Dark Knight Passes Without Incident"It's night. And that second one also works if the wizard walks past you :P

2008-04-30, 10:46 AM
Me (DM): You see a dead man being eaten alive!!!

Me (Librarian): Yes, you can find the book in the fifth stack of rows...

Man I'm dumb...

2008-04-30, 12:50 PM
It's night. And that second one also works if the wizard walks past you :P

the (knight?) was the way the group interpreted it even thought the DM meant night. :smallbiggrin:

2008-04-30, 02:17 PM
From a Starwars campaign I was in a few months back. We were playing a group of underground Sith and had infiltrated the Jedi Acadamy(Set about a year after teh YVH books), while a few were outside and on command were supposed to assult from outside while we hit from inside. Things went to hell and Luke Skywalker showed up early. He offered us a chance to leave and one of my companions response was this:

"The time for words is over Skywalker." Luke fliped over, sliced him in half and that was that. He swears he just meant that he was going to leave and stop the banter...but thems the breaks with an at the time pissy Jedi :)

Other moment involving the same player. He was playing a Psion(their caster type) and we were defending a town fromseige from up on teh ramparts. Their wizard was acting a flying artilery and targed him with Finger of Death(new DM running this session), and he rolled typical and failed his save and died. The DM(A female mind you) then proclaimed he had been "Fingered to Death". got a good long 5 minute laugh out of that :)

2008-04-30, 08:07 PM
this one is rather recent, from my last session.

The party build up is as follows:
Half-Giant Psy-War (Me) named Andre.
Half-Orc Barbarian/Frenzied Berserker named Sugar (pronounced Soogar)
Human Rogue named Aria (female, played by a girl)
and Human Sorcerer named Judas

So, we were fighting a group of sahaugin (sp?), and they went down pretty easily. Problem is, Sugar failed his save to stop frenzying, and immediately attacked Aria, killing her in one hit.

WELL, we can't have THAT, now can we? Judas steps into the fray, and with a flick of the wrist, casts Shivering Touch on the Half-Orc, doing 15 points of Dex damage. Soogar has 14 dex. As he lays there paralyzed, I walk up to him, and right before the Coup-de-Grace, say (in an Austrailian accent):

"Sorry, mate, can't 'ave you goin' 'round killin' pret'y women."

2008-04-30, 08:09 PM
this one is rather recent, from my last session.

The party build up is as follows:
Half-Giant Psy-War (Me) named Andre.
Half-Orc Barbarian/Frenzied Berserker named Sugar (pronounced Soogar)
Human Rogue named Aria (female, played by a girl)
and Human Sorcerer named Judas

"Sorry, mate, can't 'ave you goin' 'round killin' pret'y women."

Excellent in every way. Well done on your build, btw. PsyWar don't get no love.

2008-04-30, 08:35 PM
rifts game after shoting a cs in the head with a plasma gun by mistake

"he needed that like he needed a hole in the head."

shadow run game(does not matter realy)

we had been playing with this guy for like a year

gm: "I need rolls to see what you see"
player 1 roll tell the gm:
player 2 roll tell the gm :
player 3 roll but does not tell the gm:
few sec pass:
gm: "um ah um what was your name" (looking at player 3 )
(player 3 just look back confused. tilts his head sightly)

(we give him a hard time about this)