Why are there only half-humans?

[Frosty]

Now, I don't have *all* the DnD books, but it seems like most, if not all of the half-breeds are between humans and something else. Why is that? I mean, are Dwarven women just too ugly to have affairs with their -2 Charisma? Are Elven women too picky and haughty and stuck-up to sleep with non-humans? Do Dragons only seduce humans while polymorphed? Do orcs never rape non-humans? Halflings and Gnomes not coupling with Medium-sized races I understand, but where are the Frodo Sparkmasters and Bilbo Tinkers?

Or maybe is it that human women (and men) are too loose?

[SilverClawShift]

Yup. D&D just assumes humans are slut-puppies who'll build their cities anywhere and breed with anything nearby.

[Smiley_]

You make a point. Orcs and dwarves should be just as compatible as humans and elves, and reptiles shouldn't be able to impregnate mamals at all.

Gnomes should be able to cross-breed with dwarves (since supposedly, one is derived from the other) and halflings with goblins or something.

I blame lazy developers.

[Bag_of_Holding]

Half-dragon template can be applied to any living corporeal creature, including oozes. So beat that.

Anyways, the explanation, iirc, is that the companionship between, say, a dwarf and an elf does not breed true or something. So they may have an intimate knowledge of each other but can never have a half-elf-dwarf produced as a result of their procreation.

On the other hand, humans and changelings (who can take any humanoid shape within the size limit) can breed true with quite a lot of diffferent races. Something to do with genetics, I guess.

[Jasdoif]

The half-celestial, half-dragon and half-fiend templates can be applied to the vast majority of living, corporeal creatures; and those are just the ones in the MM/SRD.

[Collin152]

It's a racial feature of humans.
They can create viable offspring with anything they mate with.
Half-orcs, Half-Elves, Half-Dragons, Centaurs, Satyrs...
Gargoyles.

[FMArthur]

We're just too sexy.

But there is a race called Mongrelfolk in Races of Destiny that is entirely composed of cross-bred humanoids of nearly every kind. Charisma gets -4.:smallamused:

There are probably tons of others, though.

[MeklorIlavator]

This was posted by Randel originallyI can't find the original, But I think this joke sums it up:
Human: Hey elf, you look like a girl.
Elf: To a human, everything must look like a girl.
Human: What?
Elf: Half-orcs, half-ogres...
Human: ... shut up.
Dwarf: Half-dragons, half-kobolds.
Human: I said shut up!
Elf: ...
Dwarf: ...
Human: ...
Elf: Centaurs.

[DraPrime]

Because humans enjoy kinky interracial sex more than any other of the races.

[shadow_archmagi]

I can't find the original, But I think this joke sums it up:
Human: You look like a girl, elf.
Elf: To a human, everything must look like a girl.
Human: What?!?
Elf: Half-Dragons, half-elves
Human:Hey!
Dwarf:Half orcs, half ogres
Human:Stop it!
Elf:....
Dwarf:....
Human:....
Elf: Centaurs

Well stated.

[Danin]

In 3.0 there was a book to cover this called Bastards and Bloodlines. It detailed a number of... interesting mixtures. I think that wizards just wanted to distance themselves far enough from the half elf half centaur. And no, a wizard did not do it.

[Ponce]

Proof of the human "master mold" creation theory. We are also naturally inclined to dilute the blood of lesser races by flooding it with our own.

[Azerian Kelimon]

Yeah, you see, what happens is that humans have this strange racial feature that makes everything else look as if it had +32 APP to them...

[Various]

What about Gnomelings or Hwarflings from Everknights? Of course they're kind of a joke but still. I've read about half-dwarves before. A half-Kender once. Now THAT must have been kinky.

[Artanis]

Half-dragon template can be applied to any living corporeal creature, including oozes.
Gee thanks, you just HAD to go and give me that mental image, didn't you? *shudder*

:smallwink:

[AslanCross]

Do Dragons only seduce humans while polymorphed?
As has been mentioned, Dragons mate with more things than humans.



Do orcs never rape non-humans?
We used to have the Orogs and the Ogrillon, one of which was the product of an orc father and ogre mother, while the other one has it the other way around. I don't want to get into any specifics, and I'm just glad these disturbing creatures have been mostly taken out. (Orogs are now the orc equivalent of drow, being stronger and smarter from living underground.)

[Nebo_]

There's a Green Ronin book called 'Bastards and Bloodlines' that's full of unusual half breeds. Most of them are magically created, but the Dwarf/Winter wolf isn't o_O.

[FMArthur]

Maybe there are silly origins stories to be had here:
-Dwarf + Dryad = Human
-Human + Dryad = Elf
-Elf + Ogre = Orc
-Human + Gnome = Halfling
-Orc + Gnome = Goblin
-Elf + Horse = Centaur
-Kobold + Hill Giant = ...

etc.

[Azerian Kelimon]

Because of that, you can have a Half Giant Half Dragon.

Obligatory Link. (http://www.feartheboot.com/comic/default.aspx?c=24)

[Avor]

Well, if you are DM, this is what you do.

Stack, add level ajustment.

You realy want to be a sin to both Dwarven and Elven gods? Add the racial bonuses of both race together, and give it a +1 Level adjustment.


But if you are not god DM, remember that everything in D&D is based on real myths, legends and stories, that all humanoids are twisted variations of humans.

For example, elves are just tall, pointed eared, long lived humans with a thing for magic.

Orcs like are just green, violent and hairy humans in need of dentist.

They are all variations of humans, so natualy a human would try to do it.

[The Extinguisher]

They should just make a half-human template and be done with it.

[TheThan]

Reminds me of the half elf half orc race I homebrewed once. never got the fluff quite right though.

[EvilElitest]

Now, I don't have *all* the DnD books, but it seems like most, if not all of the half-breeds are between humans and something else. Why is that? I mean, are Dwarven women just too ugly to have affairs with their -2 Charisma? Are Elven women too picky and haughty and stuck-up to sleep with non-humans? Do Dragons only seduce humans while polymorphed? Do orcs never rape non-humans? Halflings and Gnomes not coupling with Medium-sized races I understand, but where are the Frodo Sparkmasters and Bilbo Tinkers?

Or maybe is it that human women (and men) are too loose?

We should get together, i've come up with a lot of other half breeds actually, half dwarves, half gnomes, and half orcs with other breeds.
from
EE

[GrassyGnoll]

Half-dragon template can be applied to any living corporeal creature, including oozes. So beat that.


Woot, found the new dragon for my BBEG slime lord.

[Jayngfet]

I once made all the combinations of hobgoblin, orc, and goblin.

[Sstoopidtallkid]

A Half-Elf/Half-Dwarf is just a Halfling.

But seriously, the BoEF actually has a chart of what crossings will produce children. I'd suggest looking it up.

[EvilElitest]

A Half-Elf/Half-Dwarf is just a Halfling.

But seriously, the BoEF actually has a chart of what crossings will produce children. I'd suggest looking it up.

that would require me reading the book. And i would have to kill myself
from
EE

[FMArthur]

Avor, that is a really good idea. It would be nice if all races simply were templates to begin with, though. :)

[Rutee]

Yup. D&D just assumes humans are slut-puppies who'll build their cities anywhere and breed with anything nearby.

I thought Elves were just as big a group of offenders. I mean, you never hear about a Half-Gnome, do you?

[Ascension]

I can't remember the publisher, but I've seen a third party book that had rules for crossing any of the PHB races with any other PHB race. Basically what it did was divide the racial bonuses up into two halves, and depending on who was the mother and who was the father you'd take half of one racial bonus and add it to the other half of the other racial bonus and come up with an admixture. I almost bought it, but it was kind of overpriced and I figured you could just as easily homebrew the stuff.

It always offends me somewhat that this sort of thing always ends up implying that all half-orc races are the product of rape. I've always wanted to play the resultant offspring of a Romeo and Juliet-style forbidden elf/orc romance.

[Jayngfet]

I can't remember the publisher, but I've seen a third party book that had rules for crossing any of the PHB races with any other PHB race. Basically what it did was divide the racial bonuses up into two halves, and depending on who was the mother and who was the father you'd take half of one racial bonus and add it to the other half of the other racial bonus and come up with an admixture. I almost bought it, but it was kind of overpriced and I figured you could just as easily homebrew the stuff.

It always offends me somewhat that this sort of thing always ends up implying that all half-orc races are the product of rape. I've always wanted to play the resultant offspring of a Romeo and Juliet-style forbidden elf/orc romance.

why would orc's even rape in the first place, thats like a guy raping a chimpanzee?

[Collin152]

why would orc's even rape in the first place, thats like a guy raping a chimpanzee?

And we all know that never happens...
Psh.

[Jayngfet]

And we all know that never happens...
Psh.

not enough for the phb at least.

[Randel]

I can't find the original, But I think this joke sums it up:
Human: You look like a girl, elf.
Elf: To a human, everything must look like a girl.
Human: What?!?
Elf: Half-Dragons, half-elves
Human:Hey!
Dwarf:Half orcs, half ogres
Human:Stop it!
Elf:....
Dwarf:....
Human:....
Elf: Centaurs


I typed that up a while ago here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3423588&postcount=13). Glad to see it still brings a laugh. Also, I think Dragonmuncher has it in his sig.

[Mewtarthio]

Perhaps humans are specially engineered to conquer worlds. They invade a plane, then mate with the locals. In so doing, they spread their human taint, creating half-breeds and whatnot. Nobody notices that the human half is always stronger, and by the time the natives notice that they're being bred out, it's too late to stop them.

That also explains the bonus feat. Humans unconsciously adapt themselves to fit any environment, so they can scatter themselves like weeds across the multiverse.

[Rimx]

In basic d&d there were the N'djatwa half ogre/elves.

[Archpaladin Zousha]

This is one issue that's always irked me about D&D, and about fantasy literature in general. Humans and elves seem to be the only things that can breed true with other species. I would love to play a half-elf-half-dwarf, but the only way I can do that is through homebrew. Plus, you don't see those kinds of crossbreeds in literature either. I challenge you to name one fantasy character that is a dwarf/something-or-other crossbreed. Syou simply won't find one.:smallannoyed:

[Frosty]

Well, maybe both Humans and Elves are sluts then?

[Wooter]

I've always wanted to play a half-elf-half-orc.

It wouldn't be based rape or anything, it simply that a Elf nobleman with... unusual tastes fell in love with an traveling Orc woman. Then they got married at a very open minded church.

[SurlySeraph]

It always offends me somewhat that this sort of thing always ends up implying that all half-orc races are the product of rape. I've always wanted to play the resultant offspring of a Romeo and Juliet-style forbidden elf/orc romance.

Sounds like it'd turn out more like Othello to me...

Yeah, basically humans are the sluts of the universe and elves are the whores (accepting payment in souls, artifacts, entire trees, and artwork). Though this human holds himself to higher standards. *looks proud, strokes his Vow of Celibacy*

@V: The vaguely creepy implied sublimation was intentional, you know. Wait, what am I saying? Of course you know, you're the goddamn nightmare-eating incarnation of deniable yet clearly present pervyness!

[Collin152]

Sounds like it'd turn out more like Othello to me...

Yeah, basically humans are the sluts of the universe and elves are the whores (accepting payment in souls, artifacts, entire trees, and artwork). Though this human holds himself to higher standards. *looks proud, strokes his Vow of Celibacy*

Yes, aren't you a good boy?
*Strokes his vow of celibacy*
Yes you are!
Who's a good boy?

[Ascension]

Sounds like it'd turn out more like Othello to me...

*facepalm*

Why did I not say that? It's the obvious parallel... I guess I'd just prefer for my character's parents' cause of death to be poison and stupidity rather than treachery and asphyxiation.

[LibraryOgre]

In prior editions, orcs were fairly prolific. Ogrillions and Orogs were two different sides of the orc/ogre crossbreed, for example.

[horseboy]

Perhaps humans are specially engineered to conquer worlds. They invade a plane, then mate with the locals. In so doing, they spread their human taint, creating half-breeds and whatnot. Nobody notices that the human half is always stronger, and by the time the natives notice that they're being bred out, it's too late to stop them.

That also explains the bonus feat. Humans unconsciously adapt themselves to fit any environment, so they can scatter themselves like weeds across the multiverse.
Humans: The tyranids of the multiverse. :amused:

[Tsotha-lanti]

why would orc's even rape in the first place, thats like a guy raping a chimpanzee?

Somebody needs to read Berserk.

Ugh.

[Jayngfet]

Somebody needs to read Berserk.

Ugh.

Its like I want to read it, but I don't want to read it... where can I find it?

[Kurald Galain]

On the other hand, humans and changelings (who can take any humanoid shape within the size limit) can breed true with quite a lot of diffferent races. Something to do with genetics, I guess.
Genetics don't work that way!

[/morbo]

I blame Star Trek. Kirk, to be specific.



I can't remember the publisher, but I've seen a third party book that had rules for crossing any of the PHB races with any other PHB race.
Probably either the Book of Erotic Fiction, or the Portable Hole full of Beer.




I've always wanted to play the resultant offspring of a Romeo and Juliet-style forbidden elf/orc romance.
I think there's a Romeorc and Julielf tale on the web somewhere. Also, YAFGC (the webcomic) has a quite well-written non-rape-based half-orc character.

Anyway, I agree that assuming the entire half-orc race (or even the majority thereof) was the result of rape, is ridiculous. Yes, orcs have less-than-average charisma. But guess what? Half of all humans have less-than-average charisma, and still manage to get a girlfriend or boyfriend. Plus there's always people that are attracted to the exotic or the unusual. I'm sure that to some humans, orcs would be distasteful; but by that same reasoning, to most elves, humans would be distasteful, and yet people never assume that half-elves are always the result of rape.

So yeah, if you put a human village and an orc village near one another, you'll end up with some of them cross-marrying. It's humanoid nature.

[Sstoopidtallkid]

I think the rape has more to do with the Usually Evil mindset than any actual thought on the part of the developers, and gets trashed whenever I run a half-anything character.

[Kami2awa]

Gary Gygax said he didn't want anything beyond half-human half-something else "because of the potential for absolute madness in the game". In a magical world with Polymorph, Enlarge Person and Love Philtres and where nearly anything can breed with anything else then pretty much any cross breed is possible...

[Kurald Galain]

Gary Gygax said he didn't want anything beyond half-human half-something else "because of the potential for absolute madness in the game". In a magical world with Polymorph, Enlarge Person and Love Philtres and where nearly anything can breed with anything else then pretty much any cross breed is possible...

Nevertheless - Driders.

[Cinnamonbunnies]

Although there are rare exceptions, halfelves are predominantly also half human; elven genes cannot typically cross with anything other than human genes.

From AD&D2e. Which would indicate that it is possible with other mixes. Or, used to be at least. I could have sworn I saw a halfelf/half dwarf somewhere recently.

[Charity]

It's ever since they released this album...
http://www.cynical-c.com/archives/bloggraphics/picking_up_s.jpg
Classy.

[Valairn]

Genetics don't work that way!

Wait why are we talking about genetics in DnD? Who says Humans in DnD even have DNA?

[Occasional Sage]

And we all know that never happens...
Psh.

You know, I was going to reply with a link to that news story from a couple of years ago about the Enumclaw ranch, but... man, I just can't bring myself to do it.

I like the Forbidden Love concept, really. It seems like it would often be used just to justify cheesey stat bonuses, but nonetheless it's unusual and can lead to a good story. Has anybody actually made it a focal point of their character?

[Partysan]

There was indeed a Green Ronin book. A Races of Reknown book titled: "Bastards and Bloodlines - a Guidebook to Halfbreeds".
It had quite a few races (houri (nymph/elf), wyrd (ogre mage/elf), alicorn (elf/unicorn), decataur (centaur/elf), kestrel (halfling/harpy), mind ripper (humanoid/mind flayer), wendigo (dwarf/winter wolf) etc) and some templates like half titan, half elemental and even half creature (biped and quadruped).
was funny...

[Frosty]

It had quite a few races (houri (nymph/elf)

Ooh...I wonder what their racial attributes would be.

[Person_Man]

In my games, you may be half (or quarter, or whatever) anything for roleplaying purposes, and you must choose 1 race to use for statistics. So if you want to be a half dwarf/elf, you can be, and you can make your appearance a combination of the two. But you have to choose dwarf or elf for bonuses and racial type.

It works surprisingly well. It also improves Half Elves and Half Orcs, because most players use the stats of Humans and Orcs.

[alchemyprime]

I have Bastards and Bloodlines. That book has some scary combos.

Elf + Unicorn
Gnome + Umber Hulk:smalleek: :roach:
Mind Flayer + Any Humanoid
Orc + Ogre:thog: wait, that's not right...
Frost Giant + Orc (hm... Gerti and Obould settled their differences...):yuk:
Elf + Nymph...


Actually... I want to meet one of that last group!:smallbiggrin:

[Roderick_BR]

I like the Forbidden Love concept, really. It seems like it would often be used just to justify cheesey stat bonuses, but nonetheless it's unusual and can lead to a good story. Has anybody actually made it a focal point of their character?
I am yet to find a DM that allows me to play an half-orc, that is the half-brother of an half-elf. And no, they are not trying to kill each-other. They'd be actually very close.
Their human father is a very, very weird individual...

And just to be funny, the half-orc is a barbarian, the half-elf is a ranger. Their mothers would just be commoners. Their father, however, would need to be something interesting, like a paladin.
Yes, I can have some weird ideas sometimes.

Edit: Just read that Fear the Boot link... that fits perfectly:smallbiggrin:

[Frosty]

I have Bastards and Bloodlines. That book has some scary combos.

Elf + Unicorn

So what, the Elf is Beloved of Valarian and the Unicorn is the one she mounts? :smallbiggrin:

[The Rose Dragon]

So what, the Elf is Beloved of Valarian and the Unicorn is the one she mounts? :smallbiggrin:

Arrggghhh! Puns burn my flesh! They hurt! Oh gods, why was I programmed to feel pain?

[fendrin]

I blame Tolkein. In his works, we see both half-elves (Arwen) and half-orcs (uruk-hai). Yes, I know, in that second example, a wizard did it... but it should still be possible because orcs were originally elves, and human-elf is possible without wizardly assistance.

Of course, half-elves were (IIRC) present in the norse and germanic sagas/mythologies that Tolkein 'borrowed' from.

Also, dark-sun had half-dwarves. They were called 'Mul' and like a mule were sterile.

[Frosty]

Arrggghhh! Puns burn my flesh! They hurt! Oh gods, why was I programmed to feel pain?

Haha! What, you don't like the image?

[LibraryOgre]

Nevertheless - Driders.

Take a look at what driders actually ARE... they're not the freaky offspring of drow and spiders. They're drow who are being tortured by being turned into monsters, who are subsequently unleashed upon the foes of Lolth.

Oh, and half-elf/half-nymph? Elf with the half-fey template. Boom. Given the prevalence of templates in 3.x (half-celestial, half-fiend, half-dragon, half-CONSTRUCT, for Boccob's sake! How do you have a half-construct? They don't even breed!), I don't think you can really accuse humans of being the exclusive horndogs of the universe anymore.

[raygungothic]

I think this is one of those (many) cases where a gap in the published material (why these halves and not others?) invites individual solutions. It's up to everybody to worldbuild something they're happy with. "Humans are more suitable to hybridize than most species" is fine. "Humans are more willing to try it with other species" is fine. "Humans are somehow part-ancestral to everything anyway" is fine. Just pick something and run with it!

My current campaign world has aggregated an alarmingly deep archaeology (I know what was going on right back to the late Neolithic!) and somewhere along the line it became obvious to me that the species the PCs know are relatively recent (as in, arose a mere few thousand years ago); the original humanoid was something quite distinctive, and the dominant species of the present - humans and halflings - are actually stable hybrids (with neanderthal-likes and fae respectively). Not plausible real-world biology, but it ended up explaining so many things... including who can hybridise with what* and how (and why all sorcerers are halflings)... and as long as it works why not stick to it?.

It's a parameter, people, play with the (multi-dimensional) slider and see what sort of pretty world comes out.

An enumeration of the options could be entertaining, of course.

(disclaimer: this post brought to you by work-stress and armagnac. No coherency, legibility or liability is stated or implied)

*(well... I'll admit to being influenced by player pressure there too)

[Frosty]

(half-celestial, half-fiend, half-dragon, half-CONSTRUCT, for Boccob's sake! How do you have a half-construct? They don't even breed!).

Does anyone have the half-construct statsitics? I wanna see what a half-construct Warforged would look like :smallbiggrin:

[Azerian Kelimon]

Half construct, though is not a classical half-template. Bioroid or Cyborg would be more fitting a name, as you just attach construct parts to your body.

Though Lust Golems are always available for the lonely adventurer.

Also, Frosty: In fact, I saw a Sacred Prostitute/beloved of Valarian build that gave the horn-horse scary bonuses and managed to skirt the preqs at the CharOp boards. Never think something dirty hasn't been tried before.

[Frosty]

Half construct, though is not a classical half-template. Bioroid or Cyborg would be more fitting a name, as you just attach construct parts to your body.

Though Lust Golems are always available for the lonely adventurer.

Also, Frosty: In fact, I saw a Sacred Prostitute/beloved of Valarian build that gave the horn-horse scary bonuses and managed to skirt the preqs at the CharOp boards. Never think something dirty hasn't been tried before.

On the wotc boards, I once (like a year ago) asked whether or not a Beloved of Valarian can keep her unicorn while...gaining bonuses...with her unicorn. The thread got to a decent size too as people debated whether or not that activity violate the BoV's celibacy clause. Iirc, I argued that wording says the BoV can't sleep with any mortal, and the unicorn is a celestial being sent from another plane to aid you, so he didn't count as a mortal.

[Azerian Kelimon]

Aahh. This goes to show how incredibly lulzy and incredibly interesting ideas persist.

[shadow_archmagi]

Wait, doesn't that mean that dragons, elves, and numerous other creatures don't count under the vow?

[Frosty]

Elves are native to the material plane aren't they?
Well, anything ageless really are now fair game. So Warforged, Constructed, Elans (are they ageless?), most Outsiders, Elementals, etc are cool.

[Smiley_]

Elves, mortal

Dragons, live a veeeery long time but mortal unless they attain true immortality somehow.

Most things on the material plane, mortal.

Off the top of my head, the only thing that might be immortal and a denizen of the material plane is the rakshasa who is a native outsider, but they are evil (but they do not have the evil discriptor, intrestingly enough.)

[Azerian Kelimon]

And of course, Undead. 'Cause, you know, Lichloved. :smalltongue:

[Smiley_]

Bad, Azerian! No mixing exalted and vile feats!

[The Rose Dragon]

And of course, Undead. 'Cause, you know, Lichloved. :smalltongue:

With a ghost, so at least you are doing it with something that's good.

No, I don't care about the impossibility. We're long past that.

[Azerian Kelimon]

Actually, you can become incorporeal via some effects. Guess that could work.

[Smiley_]

Impossible? Hah! Just get a necklace of natural weapons with the ghost touch enhancement.

[The Rose Dragon]

Impossible? Hah! Just get a necklace of natural weapons with the ghost touch enhancement.

OK, that doesn't work unless you're a monk. Or you take "this is my rifle, and this is my gun" a little too literally.

[Azerian Kelimon]

Effects that grant Incorporeality SHOULD work.

And if they don't, hey, that's where Imagination Kicks in.

[Smiley_]

The way I see it, you can use it to 'enhance' one or more of your natural weapons, why not 'enhance' a different kind of 'natural weapon'.

Dear lord! This is getting out of hand. I feel so dirty.

But why monk? Is that some poorly veiled 'flurry of blows' joke?

[The Rose Dragon]

But why monk? Is that some poorly veiled 'flurry of blows' joke?

Because the entire body of the monk can be used for unarmed strikes, which also count as natural weapons for enhancement purposes.

[Azerian Kelimon]

No. Another reason. repeat after me:

Tongue of the Sun and Moon. Immunity to Disease. Fast movement.

[Smiley_]

Soooo....monks are responsible for all those half-breeds out there? They feel left out because of their ineptness as a class so they have to use their class features to their...ahem...advantage?

[Azerian Kelimon]

You are quick to grasp the concept, Padawan. What do you think is the class of whores? Gods (AKA Sacred Prostitutes) notwithstanding.

[Eldariel]

Midnight actually makes sense in this regard; Humans don't mix with any races and the only mixes are natural ones in Halfling+Elf (they're both Fey in the setting) and Dwarves et Gnomes and Dwarves et Orcs. In fact, it also models Languages better. Maybe we should use Midnight modifications as Core, except at Core powerlevel :o

[Frosty]

You are quick to grasp the concept, Padawan. What do you think is the class of whores? Gods (AKA Sacred Prostitutes) notwithstanding.

Well, Paladins are also immune to disease, but some people are put off by them. See, not everyone likes anal, and Paladins have this whole "stick up her ass" aura going.

[Azerian Kelimon]

Well, Lay On Hands is still a nice bonus, and for the kinky, the smites are godly.

But let's not talk about the Celestial Mount....

[Gorbash]

There's a half-troll half-dwarf in the Shackled City AP...

[Moff Chumley]

I invoke rules 34 and 36: monks.

*Shudder*

[Azerian Kelimon]

Don't forget Rule 35.

Oh...gods, what have I invoked on our precious game? I must do The Cobain.

[Jayngfet]

Don't forget Rule 35.

Oh...gods, what have I invoked on our precious game? I must do The Cobain.

you have invoked awesome.

[Moff Chumley]

First, cut out 34. Not necessary, but probably available via 70s erotic french films. Also, not familiar with 35...

[Azerian Kelimon]

It's Rule 34's corollary. Here:

'If it is out there, the likelyhood that there is furry porn of it approaches 100%.'

[Jayngfet]

It's Rule 34's corollary. Here:

'If it is out there, the likelyhood that there is furry porn of it approaches 100%.'

have you seen the core MM? furry porn is the least of what can happen, hell think of what you can do with a mindflayer and a gibbering mouther.

[Azerian Kelimon]

Thankfully, Mindflayers cannot do it. It's been explicitly confirmed by the devs.

[Jayngfet]

Thankfully, Mindflayers cannot do it. It's been explicitly confirmed by the devs.

tell that to bhu (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=74654&page=3)

[Smiley_]

So Mind Flayers dont have equipment or the equipment just doesn't work?

Wow, you learn something every day!

[Rutee]

Well, Paladins are also immune to disease, but some people are put off by them. See, not everyone likes anal, and Paladins have this whole "stick up her ass" aura going.

FROSTY ;.;

You were supposed to be innocent ;.;

Witness my sadness and displeasure (http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j227/RuteeKatreya/YukiAvatar.jpg)

I am a sad panda.

[Sstoopidtallkid]

So Mind Flayers dont have equipment or the equipment just doesn't work?

Wow, you learn something every day!Correct, they are super-advanced humans from the far future, but their equipment has shriveled into near-uselessness.

And yes, taunts about that are how my tank gets them to ignore the casters. :smallbiggrin:

[Azerian Kelimon]

Good thing that's a homebrew. Mah was spekkin' 'bout the official stuff.

As far as I know, Mindflayers are martial artists. They do not carry heat. It's the reason many people are outraged at the Illithid Bloodline feats., becuase they're impossible.

[Smiley_]

Oh, I dunno. I can think of something.

Maybe things like otyughs are compatible...

Perhaps said otyugh did it with a doppleganger who did it with an elf who did it with a human...

Maybe a wizard did it (they can do ANYTHING, remember?)!

[Azerian Kelimon]

Meh. Wizards have Shapechange among other things. They're out of the equation anyway, since a wizard Cannot Get It On, by the rules.

[JoshuaZ]

Now, I don't have *all* the DnD books, but it seems like most, if not all of the half-breeds are between humans and something else. Why is that? I mean, are Dwarven women just too ugly to have affairs with their -2 Charisma? Are Elven women too picky and haughty and stuck-up to sleep with non-humans? Do Dragons only seduce humans while polymorphed? Do orcs never rape non-humans? Halflings and Gnomes not coupling with Medium-sized races I understand, but where are the Frodo Sparkmasters and Bilbo Tinkers?

Or maybe is it that human women (and men) are too loose?

We may be dealing with an example of a ring species (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ring_species). Essentially, in real life you can have three collections A B and C such that A can interbreed with B, B can breed with C but A cannot breed with C. So if humans are B and say elves and dwarves are A and C that could happen biologically. This is probably overthinking this question.

[Jayngfet]

Meh. Wizards have Shapechange among other things. They're out of the equation anyway, since a wizard Cannot Get It On, by the rules.

can't or won't? because I think with a howler's out of the question given those hit dice.

[Falconer]

And lo, Falconer brings this thread to a new low in inter-species relations in saying but two words.....






Greek. Minotaur.

[Azerian Kelimon]

Can't. It's stated on their Background.

As for the greek mino...Meh.

Much worse would be some sort of Elan/Warforged. It's like a new version of the Unstoppable force vs. The Immovable Object.

[Jayngfet]

two words


Tojanida, Ettercap

[Azerian Kelimon]

Ima scale it up.

Two Words,

Half Dragon Umbral Blot/Half Celestial Ooze.

[Jayngfet]

oh now it's on:

half fiendish gibbering mouther/zombie astral deva

[Azerian Kelimon]

That one won't work. If a deva dies, it's fully dead and can't be brought back.

Now, for my next move:

Titanic Multiheaded Tentacular Cockroach/Shrunk Small Greater Doppelganger who was turned into a Ghost.

[Jayngfet]

half black dragon pixie, fifteenth level minotaur sorcerer lich

[FinalJustice]

It's Rule 34's corollary. Here:

'If it is out there, the likelyhood that there is furry porn of it approaches 100%.'

LOL!

Are those rules written somewhere? If yes, please, where?

[Jayngfet]

LOL!

Are those rules written somewhere? If yes, please, where?
encyclopedia dramatica (http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/5/50/Rules_of_the_internet1.gif)

[Azerian Kelimon]

Welcome to:

Tvtropes.org (http://tvtropes.org/)

That's the safe one. If you want the original...

You're gonna have to take a dive at 4chan.

Now, for Jayngfet's move:

Epic Archlich sorcerer + Eidolon from when s/he still was alive + Lust Golem + Unseen Lover + custom Anaxim + The aberration that manipulated time.

[Jayngfet]

touche

half celestial balor, fiendish imp, grimlock wizard, nimph, medium monsterous scorpion,
mimic, black pudding, ogre mage rouge6/crimson scourge2

[Azerian Kelimon]

Hmm...since we cannot definitively one up each other, and I'm scared that we'll summon 4chan if we keep at it, maybe we should call a tie and simply focus our efforts to mentally scarring others?

[Flickerdart]

Wait.

This means you can combine two half-templates? Did somebody say Half-Celestial half-Demon? Half-dwarf half-giant? Half-gnome half-halfling (quarterling?)?

Although that last one is, I admit, a bit useless.

[Jayngfet]

Hmm...since we cannot definitively one up each other, and I'm scared that we'll summon 4chan if we keep at it, maybe we should call a tie and simply focus our efforts to mentally scarring others?

agreed, and there are places on the net darker than 4chan, where the sane rarely approach, it would have gotten ugly if I had to rely on that place.

[Azerian Kelimon]

Wait.

This means you can combine two half-templates? Did somebody say Half-Celestial half-Demon? Half-dwarf half-giant? Half-gnome half-halfling (quarterling?)?

Although that last one is, I admit, a bit useless.

Of course. Didn't you see the link on the first page I posted? It's easy to have a Half Giant Half Dragon Half Celestial, who is actually made up of four halves.

Jayngfet: DARKER THAN 4CHAN?

I have this disturbing urge to pull my munchkined immunizing trauma to the limit...

[herrhauptmann]

This was posted by Randel originallyI can't find the original, But I think this joke sums it up:
Human: Hey elf, you look like a girl.
Elf: To a human, everything must look like a girl.
Human: What?
Elf: Half-orcs, half-ogres...
Human: ... shut up.
Dwarf: Half-dragons, half-kobolds.
Human: I said shut up!
Elf: ...
Dwarf: ...
Human: ...
Elf: Centaurs.

I think part of it is that we're just a victim of Naughty Tentacles
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NaughtyTentacles

[FinalJustice]

encyclopedia dramatica (http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/5/50/Rules_of_the_internet1.gif)

Epic win. Thanks =D.

[Azerian Kelimon]

But that is not all. As I said, 4chan has the original 132 rule compendium, which deals with every quirk of porn known to man.

It's like facing Cthulhu in rule form.

[Sstoopidtallkid]

I thought that was FATAL?

[Jayngfet]

I thought that was FATAL?

No, it just twists your sanity and slowly kills you on the inside...


...hmm, guess thats more fatal than I thought.

[Flickerdart]

Of course. Didn't you see the link on the first page I posted? It's easy to have a Half Giant Half Dragon Half Celestial, who is actually made up of four halves.


Ok, that makes no sense. The separate templates should be diminished when you put in FOUR.

Also, I want a quarterling template.

[Azerian Kelimon]

Seems like not. If I have a Half Giant screwed by a dragon, it's babies become part dragon, while being part humans and giants. Add a Celestial doin' the love after that, and we have four halfs of two.

[Sstoopidtallkid]

No, it just twists your sanity and slowly kills you on the inside...


...hmm, guess thats more fatal than I thought.Not fatal, FATAL (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FATAL).