What to Do for an MC

[GrandMasterMe]

Myself and two other friends are going to MC our high school variety show, we would like your input on any funny sketches or jokes that you may come up with please:smallfrown:

[Conrad Poohs]

I always like to start off that sort of thing with "Good evening ladies, gentlemen and anyone in between". Of course this would be after you've sat down behind a desk, squashing a pig and thus prompting someone to cross a(nother) pig off a blackboard (as in sketch#1 of Monty Python's first episode). Numerous comedians have also played around with lip-synching, by having their dialogue recorded and miming it - successfully at first, but then progressively badly; e.g. Shaun Micalleff or 'Not the Nine O'Clock News'.

I guess you are just providing the format for the existing acts at this do, so you're probably not left with too much creative freedom, but you can still do Pythonesque introductions for each of the acts. There are plenty of Monty Python variety show sketches from which you could grab ideas pertaining to presentation, e.g.:
('The refreshment room at Bletchley', from 'Episode Nine: The ant, an introduction')
Compère: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Refreshment Room here at Bletchley. (applause) My name is Kenny Lust and I'm your compère for tonight. You know, once in a while it is my pleasure, and my privilege, to welcome here at the Refreshment Room, some of the truly great international artists of our time. (applause) And tonight we have one such artist. (grovelling) Ladies and gentlemen, someone whom I've always personally admired, perhaps more deeply, more strongly, more abjectly than ever before. (applause) A man, well more than a man, a god (applause), a great god, whose personality is so totally and utterly wonderful my feeble words of welcome sound wretchedly and pathetically inadequate. (by now on his knees) Someone whose boots I would gladly lick clean until holes wore through my tongue, a man who is so totally and utterly wonderful, that I would rather be sealed in a pit of my own filth, than dare tread on the same stage with him.Ladies and gentlemen, the incomparably superior human being, Harry Fink!
Voice Off: He can't come!
Compère: Never mind, it's not all it's cracked up to be. Ladies and gentlemen, we give you Ken Buddha and his inflatable knees.

As far as the end of the night goes, I think you could end it with the way Kenny Everett ended the final ever episode of his TV show, by saying an emotional farewell and thanking the producers for kindly giving you the role of MC, while the set is dismantled around you and a member of the crew comes on and carries you off while you're still talking. Or of course there is "Well, wasn't that act truly wonderful. I mean that was really... Oh I don't want to do this any more! I didn't want to MC a bloody high school variety show! I always wanted to be... a lumberjack!" and then on into the lumberjack song.