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Calinero
2008-05-08, 09:10 PM
Everyone loves an epic campaign, with nasty villains, engaging NPC's, and good plot/character development. However, I'm sure everyone also loves to occasionally kick back and just goof off during a D&D session. From time to time, such goofing off will invariably result in hilarious TALES OF INSANITY. These are those stories, feel free to post your own.

My first game started off in a bar. I was a level three wizard, and we had just begun the campaign. My friends were using characters they had used in other campaigns before, and the DM introduced a little goodie they all appreciated--an NPC who was actually the DM's PC from another campaign, doing a little cameo. His name was Turgon, and he was a rather uber warrior, whose tales of awesomeness were told throughout the land. His skin was green and metallic due to eating some sort of magical metal (long story.) This metal skin gave him very high damage reduction. We ended up getting into a drinking contest with him (and losing badly), and getting our quest from him as well. This was the time when an intelligent person would leave. We laugh at intelligence!

The party rogue decided to attempt to pick Turgon's pocket, for 'kicks.' He succeeded, and a sort of evil grin spread across the DM's face.

"All right, you reach into the pocket. You feel a sort of....stick thing."

"What is it?"

"It looks like a stick."

"I appraise it." (rolls fairly high. The DM stares at him, and nearly bursts out laughing.)

"It appears to be made of metal. It's green."

So, the Rogue puts it in his pocket and we leave the tavern. When we get outside, he attempts to appraise it further, and rolls more successfully...and we finally learn the truth.

"It's crap. You reached into his pants, and pulled out a piece of his crap." It turned out, apparently Turgon was so tough, he actually ate, and digested Starmetal, then crapped it out. And we sold it to a blacksmith for quite some profit. As you can tell, this was not a serious campaign at all.

Anyone else have good stories?

Avor
2008-05-08, 09:25 PM
Kinky Kiki, the half orc transvestite.

The PC first met her in a fight pit on a prision island. She was kicking there assed untill once of the PCs kicked here in the groin.

From then one she's a my back up NPC, in case players get to horny.

In my most recent campain, she runs a brothel.

Hal
2008-05-08, 09:30 PM
Well, not nearly as good as that, but something a bit amusing.

Our DM was as tired of mostly RP sessions as we were, so we were on a standard dungeon crawl through a haunted mansion. We encountered an animated candelabra, but it was too small to reliably, and its hardness was too high for any of us to overcome even when we did hit it.

Eventually, our halfling rogue wrestled the thing into something resembling submission and we stuffed it in a box. It calmed down when we closed the box, but we're pretty certain the thing is going to act like a pissed off jack-in-the-box.

So we have a fun little toy now. We just have to decide which NPC we dislike enough to give it to.

Avor
2008-05-08, 09:35 PM
So we have a fun little toy now. We just have to decide which NPC we dislike enough to give it to.

The perfect wedding gift! :smallbiggrin:

Calinero
2008-05-08, 09:38 PM
I've got another one I just remembered, from a different campaign. This time we had a different DM, and the guy who'd been DM of the other campaign was actually playing Turgon.

The party consisted of me (I don't even remember what class I was, but I was lawful good), a chaotic neutral cleric (who wore creepy looking red robes), Turgon, and another cleric whose player wasn't there. While a farmer we had recently helped was having a party outside, our group went into his deserted barn cause we saw some children go in there. It was dark, and they were hiding in the hayloft whispering.

Apparently, one of their fathers had told them that the chaotic neutral cleric worshipped the Devil. (The DM made sure to give all the children incredibly annoying voices). When the cleric tried to explain himself, they threw a brick at him that did three damage. Turgon climbed up the ladder, but rather than try to stop them they 'inducted' him to their secret club. He threw another brick, doing two more damage.

The cleric was getting annoyed, and I was getting a headache because I wanted a serious campaign. Alas, it was not to be. One of the kids handed something to Turgon, and told him to throw it. He did, and it turned out to be a makeshift Molotov cocktail. The cleric was not happy. He left to get oil from the farmer so he could set the children on fire, and I spent about fifteen minutes trying to talk him out of it. That campaign (which later involved time travel, lasers, and zombies) was generally insane.

Avor
2008-05-08, 09:50 PM
A bag of holding packed if full of dwarven exposives. The player lit the fuse and closed the bag, stoping time in the bag.

So, the very next time the bag was opened, exposives would happen.

A nuclear shot gun. Super fire damage, no recoil. Good anti-thief trick too.

Maxymiuk
2008-05-08, 10:03 PM
I title these, The Stories of The Party That Broke My Brain.

They were: Kergen - a mercenary (later mercenary warband leader), Aine - a psionic on the run from mages who sought to control her kind, and S'ialla - an elven seductress thief.

Where to begin. There was the time when Kergen, having taken offense at an arrogant lieutenant of a town's garrison sought revenge when the latter was having an evening drink in the tavern. The result was a fire (isn't it always?) that spread through half the town, forcing the party to flee by boat.

There was a fishing village they've encountered later where Kergen threatened an innkeeper who threatened to hit him with an oar that was part of the inn's decor. Kergen took it away from the man and beat him unconscious with it.

There was the time Kergen (are you detecting a theme here yet?) found a white, woolen robe somewhere, bought a flock of sheep, and tried to impersonate a priest to get a discount in the next tavern.

Aine enjoyed beating things to death, being versed both in unarmed combat and picking up heavy things with her brain. Particularly memorable was the time she used a fallen tree like a baseball bat on a giant swamp lizard.

At one point the party was joined by a rather shifty type introducing himself as Gunther. S'ialla set out to immediately seduce him. She succeeded. Then, after their first night together, she disguised herself as an effeminate man and greeted him in that guise.

S'ialla, when not hiding her "assets," had a habit of stuffing whatever she pickpocketed into her bodice, turning it into a veritable junkyard. The other players would frequently make wild guesses about what would be the next thing she'd pull out of "her chest."

After completing an infiltration mission within an enemy fortress, Aine and S'ialla found their egress blocked by a few guards who appeared in the meanwhile. Their solution? S'ialla stripped naked and Aine lifted her into the air, where she floated like an elven goddess, distracting the guards until Aine kicked them down the stairs.

The less said about the giant turnips, the better.

There is more that I don't recall right now, I'm sure. Maybe it's for the better.