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gnomas
2008-05-17, 09:33 PM
what are some utterly weird ways you can think of for using bardic music abilities? here's one: perform (painting)

bard: hey guys, I drew a duck!

barb: for duuuuckkks!

warlock: for pony!

bard: uh, it's a duck...

warlock: for pony!!

let the ideas flow

SamTheCleric
2008-05-17, 09:43 PM
Perform (Mime)

Works in a silence! Creeps out the party! Confuses them if you're ACTUALLY in a Force Cage!

Xefas
2008-05-17, 09:51 PM
Perform (Demoralizing Speech)

The more demoralizing you are, the higher the morale bonus!

The Faceless
2008-05-17, 09:53 PM
Perform (striptease)

Works well for fascinate and suggestion too, and maybe gives a circumstance check against individuals who find the bard desirable? (Note: If you use this method in a dragon centric campaign as a male bard, be prepared to be single handedly responsible for a sudden half dragon population explosion)

FMArthur
2008-05-17, 09:58 PM
Perform (Demoralizing Speech)

The more demoralizing you are, the higher the morale bonus!

I don't think this can be topped. So...

Congraturation!

Glawackus
2008-05-17, 10:02 PM
WH40K: Perform (Shoot Guy)

...hey, I figure the commissars have got to be inspiring courage somehow. :smalltongue:

Cuddly
2008-05-17, 10:10 PM
Perfom: Air Guitar.

gnomas
2008-05-17, 10:10 PM
perform (insult comic)

perform (air guitar)

or bring a long guitar hero and invite others to play...when enemies aren't eating them

edit: wow. ninja'd on the air guitar

MisterSaturnine
2008-05-17, 10:18 PM
Perform(ance art):

You take out a pineapple, slice it open and hollow it out, then violently smash cottage cheese into the opening whilst shouting, "SOCIETY! SOCIETY! SOCIETY!"

Regdar gets +1 to his attack roll.

Tsotha-lanti
2008-05-17, 10:22 PM
My favorites have always been Perform (comedy) and Perform (whistling), the first of which is actually a 3.5 Perform type, in the SRD and all.

The only problem I see with Perform (comedy) is that, surely, any good slapstick requires a partner. I guess you'll have to get Leadership and another bard as a cohort.

The Fascinate ability, at least, makes perfect sense with Perform (comedy).

Discworld battle-clowning, anyone?

Cuddly
2008-05-17, 11:25 PM
Perform: Metagame

"Alright, you all get +1 attack and +1 damage."

Soup of Kings
2008-05-18, 12:02 AM
Tordek: "Gimble, we need a bard song!"
Gimble: "I broke a string on my lute!"
Tordek: "Don't you have ranks in Perform (Beatboxing)?"
Gimble: "...Boom, chick, boom boom chick..."

Chronos
2008-05-18, 12:44 AM
A few months ago, I realized that a bard isn't actually incapacitated by [Otto's] Irresistible Dance, since he can just keep on inspiring the party while he's under the spell.

Aquillion
2008-05-18, 01:05 AM
The only problem I see with Perform (comedy) is that, surely, any good slapstick requires a partner. I guess you'll have to get Leadership and another bard as a cohort.Get a CW Samurai instead, to act as the straight guy. It makes perfect sense; Samurai are noble, traditionally uptight people who are incidentally also useless buffoons (though they'll never admit it.)

Dervag
2008-05-18, 01:15 AM
Perform (obscene gestures):

This one actually has a noble history. Alexander the Great once inspired his men before launching an assault on a walled city by making obscene gestures with a pickle (I never found out what they were, though).

And the infamous middle finger gesture began as a sort of rallying cry for English archers in the Hundred Years' War. French knights had threatened the longbowmen that if they were captured, the French would cut off their middle fingers, making them unable to draw a bow. Flipping the bird at the French army was the English way of saying they were ready and able for battle.

Xuincherguixe
2008-05-18, 01:21 AM
perform (organ puppet show)

You take organs from previously defeated enemies, and use them to do a puppet show.

Rutee
2008-05-18, 01:32 AM
perform (insult comic)

I've seen this work. It's amusing, because you inspire them through constructive heckling.

happyturtle
2008-05-18, 02:12 AM
Our bard is a dwarf in a kilt. He realized yesterday he needed a perform skill he could use during combat, so he threatened to buy skills in Perform(butt-trumpet).

Soup of Kings
2008-05-18, 02:33 AM
Oh, gods, I just noticed something...


Tordek: "Gimble, we need a bard dong!"

Whose idea was it to put the S key right next to the D key? :smalleek:

Corrected, and I can't believe nobody called me on it...

happyturtle
2008-05-18, 02:55 AM
Oh, gods, I just noticed something...


Originally Posted by Soup of Kings
Tordek: "Gimble, we need a bard dong!"


Whose idea was it to put the S key right next to the D key? :smalleek:

Corrected, and I can't believe nobody called me on it...


That brings a whole new dimension to the 'butt trumpet' http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/surprised/yikes.gif (http://www.thesmilies.com)

Soup of Kings
2008-05-18, 05:53 AM
Ooh, ooh!

Perform (One-handed handstand with grape jam smeared on one's stomach and a roller skate tied to a branch tied to one's head while balancing a squirrel on one foot, hanging a lantern from the other and playing paddle ball with one's unoccupied hand)

It's an adventure! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0206.html)

Kami2awa
2008-05-18, 06:23 AM
Perform (stand up comedy)
Perform (shibari) *
Perform (bagpipes)

Actually I think bagpipes can be fantastically inspiring, and their sound carries a long way (hence their widespread use as a battle instrument).

Perform (surgery)

*Don't google it.

DUSUCK
2008-05-18, 06:51 AM
I made a bard who used no instruments just a set of four hand puppets there was angry, furious, Klepto and singey (He sang opera)

MorkaisChosen
2008-05-18, 07:30 AM
A Tiny, blue-skinned Bard with Perform: Feegle Battle Poetry.

lthough that'd work better with a bard variant that gives penalties to the enemies...

Soup of Kings
2008-05-18, 08:04 AM
How in the Nine Hells is friggin' shibari supposed to inspire courage?

And no, I didn't Google it, I had heard the term before. Don't ask...

Player_Zero
2008-05-18, 08:10 AM
How in the Nine Hells is friggin' shibari supposed to inspire courage?

And no, I didn't Google it, I had heard the term before. Don't ask...

*Googles it* Bondage you say? Hmmm... Well then, I guess it'd work in the same way as Perform (comedy).

Newtkeeper
2008-05-18, 08:26 AM
Perform: Monty Python Sketch.

Arbitrarity
2008-05-18, 08:32 AM
Hm. Preform(weapon drill) is reasonable.

Ohh, preform(keyboard) with a piano!
*It's an instrument, so it only weighs a few pounds, right?*
Preform(Craft{Disturbing Mental Image})
Preform(Profession{Craft[Excessive brackets}])

The Gilded Duke
2008-05-18, 08:37 AM
My first Eberron game included an npc Warforged Bard with Perform: Dada

Keld Denar
2008-05-18, 09:15 AM
Perform(Keytar)
Perform(Air Keytar)
Perform(Macarana)
Perform(BlueManGroup)
Perform(Safety Dance)
Perform(Charades)
Preform(Gallager) (smash large fruit with comically oversized hammer)

Zenos
2008-05-18, 09:25 AM
Perform (Crowd Song)

KIDS
2008-05-18, 09:26 AM
Perform (striptease)

Works well for fascinate and suggestion too, and maybe gives a circumstance check against individuals who find the bard desirable? (Note: If you use this method in a dragon centric campaign as a male bard, be prepared to be single handedly responsible for a sudden half dragon population explosion)

That was so dirty but also awesome :)

MorkaisChosen
2008-05-18, 09:34 AM
Perform (Dentistry)
Perform (Blasphemy) for an atheist golem character ("I Don't Call That Much Of An Argument").

TakeV
2008-05-18, 09:42 AM
Perform(Keytar)
Perform(Safety Dance)


I see your Safety Dance, and raise you Perform(Thriller).

Zenos
2008-05-18, 09:49 AM
Perform (One liner)
Perform (Awesome Swordfight)
Perform (Badass entrance)

Mawhrin Skel
2008-05-18, 10:07 AM
And the infamous middle finger gesture began as a sort of rallying cry for English archers in the Hundred Years' War. French knights had threatened the longbowmen that if they were captured, the French would cut off their middle fingers, making them unable to draw a bow. Flipping the bird at the French army was the English way of saying they were ready and able for battle.

I don't think so. The British two-fingered salute began that way, but the middle digit is of Roman antiquity.

MorkaisChosen
2008-05-18, 10:08 AM
The Digitus Impudicus- I think it might be a phallic symbol.

Tengu
2008-05-18, 11:38 AM
Perform (Snarky Deadpan)
Perform (Eating Chips)
Perform (Juggling Geese)
Perform (Obscure Puns)

ashmanonar
2008-05-18, 11:40 AM
Perform (shibari) *

*Don't google it.

I'd be inspired. The Bard would still need the Leadership feat though, that one needs a cohort.

ashmanonar
2008-05-18, 11:45 AM
Perform (striptease)

Works well for fascinate and suggestion too, and maybe gives a circumstance check against individuals who find the bard desirable? (Note: If you use this method in a dragon centric campaign as a male bard, be prepared to be single handedly responsible for a sudden half dragon population explosion)

This sounds like a Perform skill from Arcanis, especially for a Larissan Bard (or cleric, really).

Sledge_bro
2008-05-18, 11:52 AM
Most of the ones on this list (while funny) don't really count, as bard's songs have to make "noise" for them to work.

Doesn't stop you tapdancing, or better yet, preforming whatever you were going to do in tapshoes to make it RAW legal (I am looking at you, Perform (striptease) , well, listening anyway)

Admiral Squish
2008-05-18, 12:02 PM
Know what I had once? A bard with a permanently animated piano following him around. It worked great, since he had a great big wall-object keeping him out of the main battle.

Wraithy
2008-05-18, 12:07 PM
Perform (Numa Numa)

ashmanonar
2008-05-18, 01:25 PM
Most of the ones on this list (while funny) don't really count, as bard's songs have to make "noise" for them to work.

Doesn't stop you tapdancing, or better yet, preforming whatever you were going to do in tapshoes to make it RAW legal (I am looking at you, Perform (striptease) , well, listening anyway)

Perform (shibari) makes noise.

I'll say no more on the subject, to avoid bannage.

Chronos
2008-05-18, 01:30 PM
Actually, there's no evidence that any sort of gesture, insult, or impolite word originated from the conflict between then French and the English archers. It's quite possible that said archers did indeed treat the French to a wide variety of verbal and somatic abuse as they kicked their butts, but they presumably fell back on the same forms of expression they and their ancestors had used for ages before the event.

MorkaisChosen
2008-05-18, 02:16 PM
Perform: Your Mum Jokes.

"I performed on your mum last night."

SurlySeraph
2008-05-18, 02:59 PM
Perform (screaming)

Perform (terrified weeping)

Perform (running away)

Perform (begging for mercy)

Anyone who can inspire courage by doing one of those is awesome.

MorkaisChosen
2008-05-18, 03:14 PM
"Brave, brave Sir Garrick, Sir Garrick led the way..."*

*Reference to Baldur's Gate referring to Python.

Cuddly
2008-05-18, 06:04 PM
Perform (Jerry Seinfeld stand up): "Swords, what's up with that? You take it, you put in a guy, then take it out! Amirite?"

*canned laughter*

Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll
2008-05-18, 07:03 PM
...

Next time someone says not to google something, listen.
Stupid Gwyn.

Perform: Goad.

"You lazy lot, swing that sword harder! Cast faster! My mother sneak attacks better than you!"

mabriss lethe
2008-05-18, 07:16 PM
Perform (trailer trash drag show)

Szilard
2008-05-18, 07:25 PM
*Googles it* Bondage you say? Hmmm... Well then, I guess it'd work in the same way as Perform (comedy).

I looked it up on Wikipedia...

evisiron
2008-05-18, 07:45 PM
Perform (Rick Roll'd)!

In the style of Richard (http://lfgcomic.com/page/144)

Hal
2008-05-18, 08:27 PM
The only problem I see with Perform (comedy) is that, surely, any good slapstick requires a partner. I guess you'll have to get Leadership and another bard as a cohort.


Get two cohorts. Then you can have Perform (Three Stooges).

Rutee
2008-05-18, 08:32 PM
How in the Nine Hells is friggin' shibari supposed to inspire courage?

And no, I didn't Google it, I had heard the term before. Don't ask...

Wouldn't that be Use Rope, not Perform?

FlyMolo
2008-05-18, 08:40 PM
what are some utterly weird ways you can think of for using bardic music abilities? here's one: perform (painting)

bard: hey guys, I drew a duck!

barb: for duuuuckkks!

warlock: for pony!

bard: uh, it's a duck...

warlock: for pony!!

let the ideas flow
You win this thread. Well done.

gnomas
2008-05-18, 08:56 PM
why, thank you. and lets not forget evisiron for giving this thread its second LFG reference!

and to keep things going, perform (tae bo)
perform (sarcasm)
perform (movie)

LibraryOgre
2008-05-18, 09:15 PM
Perform (infomercial)
Perform (Chicken Dance)
Perform (Macarena)
Perform (Cancer Self-Exam)

Soup of Kings
2008-05-18, 09:19 PM
Has Perform (Power Ballad) been mentioned?

Because I'm considering houseruling electric guitars into my medieval setting...

Gimble: "On a cold winter morning, in the time before the light, in flames of death's eternal reign, we ride towards the fight!"
Devis: *Wails on his guitar*
Jozan: "Why do we have two Bards?"
Tordek: "Bard double-dong, my friend."
Mialee: *Backs away slowly...*

Keld Denar
2008-05-18, 09:43 PM
Perform(Chuck Norris jokes)

*roundhouse kick*

I'M SO SORRY!!!!

Worira
2008-05-18, 09:49 PM
Perform (Eating Chips)


Epic skill check (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaoy1QKxGQs)

Chronos
2008-05-18, 10:06 PM
Has Perform (Power Ballad) been mentioned?

Because I'm considering houseruling electric guitars into my medieval setting...Have you read Alan Dean Foster's Spellsinger books? If you haven't, get off the computer and head to the library now. The main character is a college student garage band guitarist who gets transported to a magical world, and discovers that he's actually a Spellsinger, who can make magic with his music. One of the ways that his magic manifests itself is that his lute-like instrument, in his hands, sounds just like an amplified electric guitar.

LibraryOgre
2008-05-18, 10:50 PM
Perform (Belly Drum)

Tengu
2008-05-19, 12:18 AM
Perform (screaming)


Metal!


Has Perform (Power Ballad) been mentioned?


Isn't that a default way bards play their buffing songs? Well, if I were DMing a DNS game, it would!


Perform (Rick Roll'd)!

In the style of Richard (http://lfgcomic.com/page/144)

Hey, LFG got funnier over this whole time when I wasn't looking.

The_Werebear
2008-05-19, 12:34 AM
Perform(Self Immolation)- But you can only do it once.
Perform(Boot to the Head)- Perfect for high strength bards.
Perform(Haiku)- Your corpse falls to ground/ My blade has destroyed your face/ I kick major ass

quiet1mi
2008-05-19, 12:42 AM
Because I'm considering houseruling electric guitars into my medieval setting...

I rule all magically enhanced instruments work this way...

+2 guitar of thundering and shocking = awesome instrument that you can beat people with

Azerian Kelimon
2008-05-19, 01:09 AM
Here they go, in inverse order of coolness:

Perform (Flame)

Causes Rage on forum posters and -4 to AB and cha, gives +30 damage and AB when used on Twin Flames. Just be sure to get a Cohort who can enjoy the juicy bonus, or work it out with a fellow player.

Perform (Singing, Bass, Keyboard)

This one's a mean mean pride. Be Geddy Lee!

Perform (Physics)

The awesome way in which you kill catgirls inspires your pals. Catgirls are frightened by you and hail you as "The ultimate Annihilator".

And last and greatest, being serious now, Perform (Hard Rock, Rock 'n roll, and Heavy Metal)

'Cause nothing says "We can do it, hell YEAH!" Like Green grass and high Tides, Freebird, Stairway to Heaven, or Paradise city.

FinalJustice
2008-05-19, 08:42 AM
Perform(Enthusiastic Battle Cries):
Show me your moves!
Yes!!!
Falcon PUNCH!
Falcon Kick!
Diamond Nightmare Blade!

(Captain Falcon is that awesome)

gnomas
2008-05-19, 08:52 AM
here's some more, complete with quotes!

perform (the game)

redgar: gimble, we need a bard song!
gimble: you all lost the game!
redgar: **** you, gimble
kerwin: it's working! my AB went up!
redgar: that's one messed up bard

perform (ninja)

gimble: i swing my axe at the orc
tordek: i swing my axe at the....damn it gimble!

perform (bass)

gimble: inspires courage
jozan: why is playing a fish?

and some random ones without quotes: perform (game show), perform (reality show), perform (barry manilow's greatest hits)

SamTheCleric
2008-05-19, 09:00 AM
Perform (Family Feud Host)

"We surveyed 100 goblins, top 7 answers on the board... What's the best way to kill a goblin?"
"WITH MY AXE!"

Duke of URL
2008-05-19, 09:23 AM
Perform (obscene swordchuck weapon drill)

MorkaisChosen
2008-05-19, 10:09 AM
Perform (Rant About Update to Popular Fantasy Game Before It's Released)

Roderick_BR
2008-05-19, 02:07 PM
Perform (shibari) *
Gimble: There, I used my skill Perform(shibari), you gain a +1 to attack and damage rolls. Attack them now.
Regdar: Umm... how to I move to attack?

How can you guys forget Perform (Interpretative Dance)? :smallbiggrin:
Of course, that will give twice the bonus to anyone attacking the bard... including his allies..

Note, I have nothing against it, only against people that *think* they are good about it

Is it just me, or is Gimble simply owning this thread? I was going to use Elan in my example, but somehow I can't do that with Elan and Hoy.... (maybe Elan and Haley) :smallamused:

Soup of Kings
2008-05-19, 03:18 PM
That's why I also used Devis. :smallbiggrin:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dungeons_%26_Dragons_iconic_characters

gnomas: ReGDar and KerwYn. :smalltongue:

I can't wait until I post my Iconic Character Soupatar series.

Does anyone else find it odd that I've not only developed a personality for Tordek, but made him obsessed to an unhealthy degree with Gimble and Devis's "instruments?" To think, it all started with a typo... :smalleek:

Bayar
2008-05-19, 03:43 PM
Perform (one man band) , but this has been banned in most gaming groups :smallbiggrin:

gnomas
2008-05-19, 03:45 PM
ooh two misspelling:smalleek:

perform (procrastination)
perform (betray party members)

DrowVampyre
2008-05-19, 04:43 PM
Doesn't anyone watch Battlestar Galactica, or for that matter pretty much any military show/movie ever?

Perform (Drill Sergeant) is clearly the way to go!

gnomas
2008-05-19, 07:47 PM
not weird enough!

perform (vetirenary weapons drill)

i am not liable for any images you may imagine: perform (reptile/extinct mammal crossbreading)

Ned the undead
2008-05-19, 08:08 PM
Perform: Sexual Act.
I hump the air and you gain a +1 morale bonus.

drengnikrafe
2008-05-19, 09:02 PM
Perform: Stick weapon into enemy.
You attack and inspire morale, all in 1.

Perform: Make out with your DM's girlfriend (metagame).
This one gets you kicked out fast.

Perform: 3 hour anecdote.
By the time the bonus has begun, the battle has been over for 2.9 hours.

Perform: Seriously Injure Yourself.
Provides double bonus, because everyone loves to watch a bard get hurt.

Perform: Imitate a Bard.
Pretend to be yourself. Role Playing experience AND Inspiration.

Perform: Smoke
Sure, you start losing hit points and years off your life, but the nifty smoke patterns make everybody a bit better, so it's worth it, right?

ashmanonar
2008-06-03, 01:25 PM
Wouldn't that be Use Rope, not Perform?

Use rope just adds a synergy bonus to the Perform check.

Damn, this post is rather old. Sorry about the necro.

Bleen
2008-06-03, 01:27 PM
Perform: Sexual Act.
I hump the air and you gain a +1 morale bonus.

BoEF actually lists Perform (Sexual Techniques) as a skill.

Wooter
2008-06-03, 02:12 PM
How long do you think it will be until they release BoEF for 4e?

hamishspence
2008-06-03, 03:22 PM
L.E. Modesit Jnr's The Soprano Sorceress and sequels also did Music as Magic, but was not very bardic in tone: more Epic Wizard themed. Same concept though: singers gets transported to fantasy world where singing ability translated to Powerful MAgic.

Eurus
2008-06-03, 11:39 PM
Oh my god, this is the funniest thread... Perform: Striptease is definitely the best. It just is.

Perform: Gymnastics (Whee!)
Perform: Slapstick (Bonus points for not telling the Fighter he's your straight man beforehand)
Perform: Omphaloskepsis
Perform: Self-Mutilation (Hey, it's not as unrealistic as it sounds...)
Perform: Erotic Massage
Perform: Hare Hare Yuki
Perform: Fire Dancing
Perform: Juggling (Maybe not so much for Inspire Courage, but a neat way to Fascinate)

And let's not forget Versatile Performer;
Perform: Slapstick and Perform: Weapon Drill! (Ouch...)
Perform: Striptease and Perform: Tap dancing!
Perform: Sexual Techniques and Perform: Gymnastics! (Or worse; Perform: Contortion)

The possibilities are endless!

Jastermereel
2008-06-04, 04:21 PM
Use rope just adds a synergy bonus to the Perform check.

Damn, this post is rather old. Sorry about the necro.

Sir, you ressurected the thread and didn't even give an awful pun in return!

Use rope doesn't give a synergy bonus to Perform (Shibari)......you use whichever one gives you a better score.

llamamushroom
2008-06-05, 03:32 AM
Perform (Seppukku)

Shademan
2008-06-05, 10:01 AM
preform whistling
preform wedgie

Roderick_BR
2008-06-05, 03:39 PM
Perform: Sexual Act.
I hump the air and you gain a +1 morale bonus.
Somehow, it made me think of Michael Jackson. Sad, isen't it?
In the Moonwalker movie/game, he was an epic bard with mass suggestion and mass dominate person (mass dominate monster if you count the arcade version as some enemies are robots).

mabriss lethe
2008-06-05, 03:40 PM
Perform (Jerry Lewis Impersonation)

Perform (annoyingly vulgar acts)

Perform (Kegstand)

Perform (Gender Reassignment Surgery)

Eksar Lindisfar
2008-06-05, 03:46 PM
Oh, my cleric is still trying to find out how "La Cucaracha" can inspire courage and I'm still trying to find out why our DM is allowing that

Swooper
2008-06-05, 06:55 PM
Whose idea was it to put the S key right next to the D key? :smalleek:
Probably the same idiot who decided that putting backspace next to enter was a good idea. Seriously, that guy's a jerk. :smallannoyed:

McClintock
2008-06-06, 09:35 AM
Perform: Omphaloskepsis

If you can get a DM to allow you to stare at a belly button for courage.... more power to you!