Help! I need somebody's Help!

[Lupy]

Hi, I'm Lupy. I'm here because I don't know anywhere else to go, and this didn't seem right for the relationship advice thread.

The reason I need help is family related, specifically why I can't fit with mine and why it's killing me, and how I need help. My problem is this. My family is Mom, Dad, me, and my brother 2 and 1/2 years younger than me. My age is... under 14 and over 10. My dad is a typical American guy. Middle class, in his 40s, coaches my soccer team (rec). He's a good guy, he goes to church and he's a good coach but he doesn't understand me at all. I'd rather sit at home reading Le Mort d'Arthur than go play tennis, I'm small, I don't get out much, I'm kind of nerdy... He just cannot relate to me. He thinks I'm girly for sure, I heard him say it to my mom, and I think he thinks I'm bi or asexual because I can't ever "get the girl" and he doesn't get it. He doesn't see why I respond to a fight with verbal abuse instead of hitting the guy in the face. He doesn't get why I write poems about Earandil instead of a story about my soccer team for school papers. I do things he doesn't get like go on 26 mile hikes with a big ol' pack, and all he understands is that I had the hardest time in my group. I don't know how to get him to respect me, that's my first issue.
My mom is a little harder to deal with. She is nosy and overbearing, and she micromanages my life. She has to control everything and she has to hear about everything. If I do anything she doesn't like she yells and yells and yells until I feel like leaving and never looking back. She makes fun of me and my friends, and she belittles me whenever she can, yet she plays up supporting me half the time. She also thinks I'm effeminate because of my fighting style (aim for pressure points and kick), and she screams about my grades after saying as long as I try it doesn't matter. For all her thinking I'm girly she throws a fit if I show any interest in a girl, even something so innocent as a hug or checking out a girl at the mall. She doesn't approve of any hobby until she's gotten so knowlegeable about it I'm already on to something else. So yeah, I just wanna placate her in a manner other than my current "grin and take it" method.
My brother, the source of my angst (generally). He is a compulsive liar and has an ego the size of our county. He is book smart and physically fit, with a build that is in shape no matter what. He always gets good grades (or says he does), but if he does something like flunk a test he's in trouble for the evening. I hear about it for weeks, usually in the presence of any relative my mom can find. He will attack me, and if I fight back, use tactics like biting after stating, fists only. He steals and breaks my things, but if I do anything to him I get screamed at, so he's untouchable and he knows it.


All I want is to not be the only person who doesn't want the weekend to come in the class, and to have respect instead of disdain. I have nowhere left to turn, and so I throw myself on the mercy of the playground.

Thanks,
-Lupy

[Da King]

Hey, you're not alone, there's lots of people like you who just like to read a good book. I can relate to a lot of your problems. You have my sympathy, but I need more time to think about how I can help you.

[Dave Rapp]

Hello, Lupy. Congrats dude, life sucks. 'tis a thing which is becoming more and more often nowadays.

Regarding your father... sadly for you, a jock has spawned a nerd. Please, don't misunderstand me, I do NOT use the term nerd in a derogatory way. Brawn is never going to understand brains no matter what you do. There's really no point in trying to make him understand you. I'm not saying you should give up, but just don't expect to have huge results trying to relate to your old man.

Your mom is crazy and overprotective and I know it's terribly unplesant. If she demands to know about every little detail, well...either stop telling her about stuff, or learn to lie. If she makes fun of your friends, then have you and your friends try to avoid her. Maybe go have fun at your friends' houses instead of yours from now on. In short, distance yourself as best you can.

The brother is a tricky one, but with any luck he'll mature and outgrow his destructiveness. But for not, if he steals your things, hide them. Or better yet, find ways to booby trap them. Surely a smart guy like you can outsmart a kid more than two years your junior. A simple locked door is often enough.

I can only suggest that you do what I did. Retreat into the only place on earth where the perils of the real world can't reach you; The Internet. Between webcomics, forums, movies, games, instant messengers, chat rooms, there's ultimately more for you in here than there is out there. If you that sounds bleak, that's your father talking. The Internet is a thousand times more fun than anything the real world has to offer you.

Believe you me, I know this from personal experience.

[thubby]

stop spending your time at home. if you genuinely feel this way, why stay near theses people more than necessary?

dad: getting the respect of others is a typically fruitless endeavor, just be respectable and take pride in your own efforts. you can talk to him too, explain to him how you feel, if/when he doesn't understand, simple tell him he doesn't have to, it is how you are, and you don't like how he makes you feel about your difference.

mom: the fact that she cares enough to ask is a good thing, enjoy it. as to her micro management, she can't really make you do much of anything, consider her advice, think about it, respect it, but make your own decision.

brother: meh, lock your doors, he'll grow out of it, eventually.
if you don't care to have a relationship with him (not recommended), be nasty, even if you get screamed at after the fact, it won't stop you from making his life hell for crossing you.

[Lupy]

Thanks to posters. My brother mastered lock picking last year and mom and dad refuse to let me buy and install a better lock (mine is fairly simple). As for booby traps, I like it, I'll give it some thought. My problem is that my school covers the whole town and none of my friends live within a 20 minute walk and my bike sucks (plus my mom would freak be worse than normal if I went on the highway connecting my neighborhood to town) so I'm stuck here. The web is cool, I love it and I try to live here, but I can't be happy here like I am when someone actually asks me how I am, or if I'm ok. The feeling when your best friend comes up to you and says, "Lupy, are you ok?" I just can't get that here. And what makes me sad is that my dad seems to be really trying to relate to me, he just has a hard time doing it (so I listen to all his random sports stories).

[Ishmael]

I can only suggest that you do what I did. Retreat into the only place on earth where the perils of the real world can't reach you; The Internet. Between webcomics, forums, movies, games, instant messengers, chat rooms, there's ultimately more for you in here than there is out there. If you that sounds bleak, that's your father talking. The Internet is a thousand times more fun than anything the real world has to offer you.

Believe you me, I know this from personal experience.

The internet might be more fun than the real world, but we call it the REAL world for a reason. It's real. The internet, at most, is an artificial and abstract entity, a virtual experience that dissociates us from truth. Using it to shield from life is doing nothing more than putting an illusion up to hide from the scary things in life. It's pleasant, but ultimately a veil, nothing more..

I have, perhaps, the opposite advice. You mentioned you liked to go on 20-ish mile hikes with a pack. Do that more. I don't care if you have physical difficulty with it--just do it. Hiking is an amazing activity, very healthy and satisfying. Plus, in the wilderness, there is a...power, one that seems to overcome any bounds. In nature, away from the stupid connections of mundane life, we stride closer to a transcendent, ideal form. We bear the hardships of life, and move on, hardening ourselves and becoming, ultimately, alive. Hike more! Who cares about what your father thinks about you? When it comes to the foundations, you will gain respect from your peers through your efforts.

God, your family seems difficult to deal with. Being a teenager sucks in many ways. Yet, you are young! Embrace that! Live! Screw your parents--they are irrelevant to your personal identity. Move beyond their perceptions and do what you will. You are your own person, for better or worse. Be yourself, and achieve, improve, and most of all, exist!

Plus, since you are a teenager, go read some Friedrich Nietzsche and start wearing all black...

[Solo]

Have a open and mature discussion about it?

Your mother is acting immature, your dad's insistence that you 'get the girl' is ridiculous at your age (what are you going to do with her once you get her?) and your brother seems to be a ****.

It might help if you found some outside activity to get you away from your family. I recommend martial arts, 'cause knowing how to bust heads is useful on occasion*.


*And it builds up self esteem, helps you make friends, teaches you self control, blah blah blah.

[thubby]

Thanks to posters. My brother mastered lock picking last year and mom and dad refuse to let me buy and install a better lock (mine is fairly simple). As for booby traps, I like it, I'll give it some thought. My problem is that my school covers the whole town and none of my friends live within a 20 minute walk and my bike sucks (plus my mom would freak be worse than normal if I went on the highway connecting my neighborhood to town) so I'm stuck here. The web is cool, I love it and I try to live here, but I can't be happy here like I am when someone actually asks me how I am, or if I'm ok. The feeling when your best friend comes up to you and says, "Lupy, are you ok?" I just can't get that here. And what makes me sad is that my dad seems to be really trying to relate to me, he just has a hard time doing it (so I listen to all his random sports stories).

public transportation, make friends near you, or hang out on your own, there is nothing about a book that stops you from taking it outside. go to a park or something, its good exercise, some sun, and you still get to read your book.
sounds to me like you have the whole dad thing on the right track. its entirely possible you are just different people. keep the lines open and it should work itself out well enough.

i think you should stop worrying about your mom, seems to me she'll freak no matter what you do, may as well enjoy yourself.

[Crispy Dave]

although it seems bad im in the same situation as you but..

1:I have a sister not a brother
2:my parents are divorced and live across a state border
3:I cant even see my dad because my step mom is such a *****

[Dave Rapp]

The internet might be more fun than the real world, but we call it the REAL world for a reason. It's real. The internet, at most, is an artificial and abstract entity, a virtual experience that dissociates us from truth. Using it to shield from life is doing nothing more than putting an illusion up to hide from the scary things in life. It's pleasant, but ultimately a veil, nothing more...

Riddle me this. If it's more fun than the real world, why then is the real world better? What is in the "real" world that makes it more "true" than The Internet? Granted, we still need food and stuff to live. But at the same time we still need social interaction to live, and the Internet provides this in ways never before seen in human history. You and I can't live any more without The Internet than we can live without "reality."

I say that BOTH are "real" and which one is more real depends ENTIRELY on the individual.

[The Extinguisher]

If you die on the internet, you die in real life?

[thubby]

Riddle me this. If it's more fun than the real world, why then is the real world better? What is in the "real" world that makes it more "true" than The Internet? Granted, we still need food and stuff to live. But at the same time we still need social interaction to live, and the Internet provides this in ways never before seen in human history. You and I can't live any more without The Internet than we can live without "reality."

I say that BOTH are "real" and which one is more real depends ENTIRELY on the individual.

because "fun" isn't everything.
people on the internet act differently than IRL, completely different if it suits them. compare the number of internet tough guys to actual bullies. we're all some awkward characatures of ourselves. and everything is more distant.
the level of interaction on the web is drastically reduced compared to reality, largely because internet communication can only mimic RL communication. even reading this you are missing my tone, inflexion, and body language, which is a big part of communication.
yes, in fact, we can live without the internet, we did it before computers, it's not that hard. in fact your grandparents probably still do it, mine do.

[Solo]

For your consideration:

I am not above throwing the Bible at Christians whom I find annoying - assuming, of course, that they are in fact doing something against what the Bible says.

In other words, I guilt trip people.

I haven't actually had a chance to do this to someone, but it's the kind of thing I would do if I had cause.

[Telonius]

Hey Lupy! Well, I can't say that I had the fights, but other than that it sounds pretty similar to my own upbringing. The first thing that I'd say is that no, you're not alone, and there are probably a lot of people around here that have been through similar things.

Your mom and dad love you. I know that's probably the corniest thing in the world to you right now, and it's hard to believe that when they're acting in a way that's absolutely bass-ackwards to show it. But your dad wouldn't be trying (though he might fail miserably) to get you into sports, and your mom wouldn't be trying (though she might fail miserably) to motivate you to do well in school. Parents are like that sometimes. They really do love you, they're just utterly incompetent at showing it. They might not even be fully conscious of the fact that they're acting out of love at any given time.

In my personal experience, it's really important that you realize this, and believe it. When you realize what's motivating people, you can take steps to address what it is they really want (rather than what they say they want). Your parents are being motivated by two things, love and fear. They love you and want to make sure you're doing well; but they're afraid that you're not getting everything they need, and maybe afraid that they're being a bad parent too. Their idea of what "doing well" entails might not match up to your own.

You did mention that your dad is trying to relate to you. That's a very good start. Just remember that your dad is into ESPN, not ESP. He can't understand what's going on inside your own head unless you tell him, and you can't tell him unless you're aware of it yourself.

As for your brother... Brothers are trolls. Can't help you there. :smallbiggrin:

[Yoritomo Himeko]

Hi, Lupy, welcome to the group.

Anyway, it sounds like you're parents just don't understand why you're so different from them. Parents usually expect their kids to be just like them. Your younger brother is everything they like, but you're not, and they can't understand why.

You could always do better in school. That might help a little. I'm afraid it's not going to do much to appease your parents, but there's not much you can do about them.

Your brother sounds like he's headed for trouble. Especially if he's a compulsive liar.

I'm afraid you all need some kind of help, least of all, you. You're the only one who realizes there is a problem.

I suggest you talk to your school counselor, he or she can provide you with a lot more help then I can.

[Aereshaa_the_2nd]

God, after reading that I feel so lucky. My parents are annoying, but at least they understand who I am. Your father is sexist and homophobic to think that because you're smart you're 'girly' or bisexual. Your brother has definitely crossed the line in terms of hostility, and at that point is where I would be taking out my homemade pepper spray*, for I possess no physical might. Your mother.. sometimes my mom does that, but I win by simply keeping totally calm, and explaining my case calmly until she has lost her voice and cannot continue. The secret to dealing with angry psychopathic people is to forgive them, but not give in.

*one bottle of sour spray, empty, fill with 1/4 lemonade, 1/2 hot sauce of your choice, 1/4 halls cough drops dissolved in water (makes it have a stronger smell).

[purple gelatinous cube o' Doom]

First, welcome to the world of most teenagers. Many, including myself for several years fought constants with my parents, didn't get along with my brother at all. I had one friend to my name, hated every day etc, etc. But, once I got to high school things got much better. Anywho, the first thing I can think of to say to you, is try your best to just shrug all of it off or ignore it. You've got to learn not to let these things bother you. If you can't find a way to do that, it will eat you alive until you snap. Now, my second piece of advice is seek professional help. I'm not saying that the advice you get here on the boards is bad, it's actually quite the contrary. But, as good as experiences and comments of other OOTSers are, a professional therapist will likely be able to help you the most. I would highly suggest going to your school counselor and make an appointment.

[Crispy Dave]

sorry i didnt have time to post my advise in my first post.

Just get out of the house whenever you can go to a friends house. You said you go to church I am sure the church would be fine with you orginising a group to meet at times if there was an adult there.

[Bitzeralisis]

The internet might be more fun than the real world, but we call it the REAL world for a reason. It's real. The internet, at most, is an artificial and abstract entity, a virtual experience that dissociates us from truth. Using it to shield from life is doing nothing more than putting an illusion up to hide from the scary things in life. It's pleasant, but ultimately a veil, nothing more..

If the internet wasn't real, we wouldn't be chatting here.

It has mass.

The internet has mass.

The internet is made up of data, right? And we represent this data in the form of the presence or absence of electrons, yah? And on average, there are as many electrons present as there are electrons absent, so the internet must be made up of at least some electrons.

Also, electrons have mass.

The internet is made up of electrons.

So the internet has mass.

Which makes it real.

@V: The internet is a collection of data, not data traveling through tubes. Physically, the internet is a bunch of electrons that are either there or not there.

[Solo]

Of course the Internet is real. It is, after all, a series of tubes.

[RabbitHoleLost]

Help! I need somebody! Help! Not just anybody~
Getting the obligatory Beatles out of my system, I join the others in welcoming you to being a teenager.
However, I'm not going to lie. Being 18 and on my own, having been in a very similar situation( My father was the controlling one, my stepmother the one who thought something was wrong with me because I preferred arts to sports), I think being an "adult" is much easier. I would never, ever want to be a young teenager again.
There isn't much to say about what to do right now, aside from talking with your parents on a serious and mature level.
Hopefully they will, unlike my parents, understand. If not, you'll have to do what I did; live with it. Howeverm try to convince your parents to atleast let you talk with a therapist.
It would have helped me so much when I was in your shoes, except my father refused then, and even now, to admit there is something wrong with us.
Not that taking me to a therapist would mean that, but in his eyes it implies that.
Best Wishes <3
Rabbit

[Felixaar]

Hey Lupes. While I never had these specific problems with the dad and the brother, I can probably still give you some general advice on them.

Dad, forget about him. You dont need respect from him - He doesnt understand you, it's not your job to change for him. Sounds like when it comes to life, your dads in it for the destination, while your in it for the ride - a far better choice in my opinion. If he cant come to grips with his son, mores the pity for him. The best thing you can do is try to see it from his perspective so that if you can relate, you can atleast understand eachother.

Mum, ignore her. She's stressy and pointlessly worried. Look, when she asks you about your day, just tell her how she'd like to think your day went. Dont bother with her making fun of your friends. As tough as the ol' 'grin and take it' is, it's better than any of the alternatives. Just remember that she wants the best for you - if you can understand that, it'll be alot more bearable.

Bro, explosives. SERIOUSLY. Seriously serious though, the whole breaking stuff is the only bit that really worries me. Keep your most precious things under safe guard, and try to keep your bro away from your room. Dont fight him physically, just ignore him till he finds something else to be an ******* about. Then, when he's not lookin', the ol' fork in the eye.

At any rate loops, best of luck *hugs*

Oh, and I'd like to put in a note that this sort of thing is perfectly fine for the RWA thread, in that you have to have a relationship with your family (functional or no).

[Aereshaa_the_2nd]

The internet has mass because:
Data = Knowledge
Knowledge = Power
Power = Energy
Energy = Matter
Matter = Mass.
(with apologies to Terry Pratchett)

[Krrth]

I don't know if this advice will help, but a friend of mine was in a similar situation. As others have said, talk to your school councilor. If your family is at all religious, talk to our proest/pastor/minister/whatever. Other than that, see if you can get other family members on your side. If you can, talk to your grandparents. You'd be amazed at how much they can guilt your parents.
Other than that, see if you can keep anything (physical) that you don't want destroyed at a safe location, such as a church, school, or a friends house.

[Charity]

The internet has mass because:
Data = Knowledge
Knowledge = Power
Power = Energy
Energy = Matter
Matter = Mass.
(with apologies to Terry Pratchett)

As can be clearly seen when you pick up a server.


Lupy explaining how you feal calmly to your family is about all I can suggest.

[Ranna]

I have to agree with Telonius you parents really really do love you and they are trying ever so hard.

You say your mother learns as much as she can about your interests whenever you get them. Try to see the positive in that, she may disapprove but what she really wants to hear is a discussion about your new hobby she is just trying to get involved.

She may take the piss outta you and your friends cos that is what the TV moms do in a joking manner, she might be just trying to be "down with the kids" - However, my mother does nothing but put me down but she honestly doesn't realize it. When I tell her she does, she gets upset and shouts at me... think it might just be a mom thing to do...

Your dad trying to relate to you is also very sweet just he cannot, because he is not just different from you in hobbies but he is from a completely different era, things in his day were probably what we consider to be old school stereotypes. You say he talks about you being bi or asexual. What is his tone like with that? Angry? He may be worried because you cannot talk about it to him and doesn't like the idea of his son not being able to share things with him.

You are probably too grown up for them to handle at the moment maybe you just need to pretend to need their help sometimes and really appreciate it when they can give it.

Brothers, brothers sisters any child close of age to you will do your head in. Fact! Unfortunately your parents just like mine show massive favoritism your brother being younger has seen where you have fallen down and has built upon your actions to improve himself in his parents eyes. If he lies he does it too look better, he will try to put you down in your fathers eyes by fighting with you to act all strong etc etc. You really shall just have to ignore that I am afraid and keep valuables on your person at all time. IF you have to see him, make sure it is within your parents eye view then if he attacks you for no reason you can show him up.

Finally all this talk about fighting styles and what-not, where the hell do you live the back-end alley of gangsterville???

[LCR]

I'd suggest talking to your father. You say he's an alright guy, so maybe all that is needed is a talk to straighten things out. Explain to him, that you're not bi or gay or anything and that while he enjoys football, you enjoy Lord of the Rings. Maybe show him some fight scenes from the movies or anything he can relate to.

[Groundhog]

I'm going to kind of repeat what others have said before, but not really: When you go to that psychologist, ask him or her about family counseling. More than one of my friends and their families have done it, and it really helps.

[Kaelaroth]

Don't try and talk it out with your brother. You'll be mocked. I, slightly older than you, was in a vaguely similar situation (a major difference being that I am gay...). I feel that you need to get more assertive with your life. Talking stuff out with your parents might be OK - but your brother will need a different approach. Ignore your parents, and get your own lock, if that's what you feel you need. Resist your mother's meglomania, if necessary. And, ignore your father. If he doesn't respect you as you are - screw him!

My two cents. Whatever you do, good luck. :smallsmile:

[Jorkens]

And what makes me sad is that my dad seems to be really trying to relate to me, he just has a hard time doing it (so I listen to all his random sports stories).
Can you do anything to meet him half way? Find a sport that you don't mind and give up one or two evenings a week to do it? I've found that some sports are more fun than others if you're not naturally athletic - playing really mainstream stuff like football, rugby, tennis and cricket (in the UK) can be pretty depressing because there are always lots of good people around and you just end up being useless, whereas stuff like martial arts, climbing, ultimate frisbee, squash, orienteering, volleyball and so on tend to be a bit more willing to let people develop at their own speed...

[Solo]

Learn how to swing a *bloody* sword.

[Aereshaa_the_2nd]

Yeah, the jocks tend to not make fun of you when they know you take fencing lessons.

[Jorkens]

Yeah, the jocks tend to not make fun of you when they know you take fencing lessons.
If you're interested in holding your own in playground rough and tumble rather than fighting for your life against ninja assasins, judo always seemed like a pretty good option to me. From what I know about it, you spend enough time training against resisting opponents that you actually learn how to make a technique work on someone who doesn't want it to work on them, but it's also a bit less vicious than a lot of martial arts (ie it's more useful for dumping people on the ground, winding them, and then sitting on them than for kicking them in the nuts, elbowing them in the face and then breaking their wrists) so it's a bit less likely to end up escalating a situation, causing serious injury or getting you into trouble.

Plus it looks like it'd be quite fun even if you plan on avoiding any sort of real world fights as much as you can.

It's also got the usual martial arts thing that if you're not a quick learner then you'll just stay at lower grades for longer and develop at your own pace, rather than getting left behind by the class.

[North]

Yeah, the jocks tend to not make fun of you when they know you take fencing lessons.

Actually going to disagree with this. People make fun of people regardless. If someone was taking fencing then the dedicated would just make fun of that. Even if someone had a fencing sword in their hand in front of me that wouldnt stop me. A knive is a threat, but a fencing foil I wouldnt take seriously.

I do have a younger brother. And for the duration of his life Ive picked on him. Usually to try and get him to stop doing something, to toughen him up or just because Im bored. Back at the parents when we had peasant vision, I pretty much wrassled him or gave him a noogie or somesuch whenever I got bored during a commercial. This has worked though, hes kicking ass in football and rugby for his high school teams. Practice :smallbiggrin:

But if you want to get your brother to stop picking on you, you have to make it not worth it. Take things of his and hide or lose them, just make sure you dont get caught! If he mocks you, yawn and ignore him. If your fighting go for the nut shot. If hes bigger then you its perfectly fair. Snitch on him to your parents when he bugs you a lot. A sibling relationship is composed of blackmail, bribery and deceit.

[Dallas-Dakota]

A sibling relationship is composed of blackmail, bribery and deceit.
Actually no.
My sibling relationship with my brother is composed of multiplayer games, sharing some rather good sites and such and bribery. Yes. We both know of eachother that we can easily be bribed with cookies.

[Bonecrusher Doc]

First of all, I recommend not listening to any of us amateurs (including me), but rather insist with your family that you get professional family counseling instead. It would be beneficial for everyone in your family, not just you. I think the title of this thread applies to your family members as well as you - they could use some professional help.

But here's my lay opinion anyway, based on discussions with a good friend of mine (who is now an Army physician well-liked by everyone) whose stories of growing up sound eerily similar to yours.

Basically, I would accept the fact that your family will never truly understand you - they will never understand why you would rather read than watch football. Perhaps if you have some other adults who understand and appreciate you (perhaps your teachers?), they could mention what a great person you are at parent-teacher conferences, and maybe then your parents will be able to put themselves in their shoes and say, "Well, I just don't understand that boy, but his Latin teacher sure sees something in him." On the other hand, if your parents are actually jealous of your academic success or something like that, this plan could backfire. :smallconfused:

(Note: Check www.familywatchdog.us first before trusting your Latin teacher too much. Even then don't trust him TOO much!)

As far as respect goes, my amateur observation is that when some people don't get respect, they instead try to instill FEAR in those people. You know the type - always trying to say shocking comments about guns and explosives and death and small furry animals, etc. I am sure there are some In The Playground who support this method but I do not recommend it.

Instead I would just say that you will unfortunately have to acknowledge that you won't get too many pats on the back from your family for being the way you are, but at the same time still be proud of yourself, value yourself despite their put-downs. In fact, turn the put-downs around - every time they say something negative, shrug and say to yourself - "Hm, another put-down. But remarkably I still feel good about being the kind of person I choose to be, rather than trying to be someone I am not. Way to go, Self!"

The first thing that will happen is that they will notice that their put-downs don't really get to you any more, and they will probably increase at first but then taper off.

Then, over time, your family will develop a grudging respect for you - not because you win a fencing championship or become a bestselling author - but because they will realize you are your own man and not dependent on them to feel good about yourself. Which is probably something they lack, because usually when people put others down, it's because they are trying to make up for their own failings.

Even if all this stuff fails, console yourself by realizing it won't last forever. You graduate from high school (important to do this first!), you get out of the house, then it's not really a problem anymore. Not that you have to become estranged from your family, but you will only have to interact with them on your own terms instead of from a position of disadvantage as their dependent/younger sibling.

Anyway, just some thoughts from somebody totally unqualified to give advice on this subject.

[Lupy]

Wow. I never thought I'd get this much help. Thanks very, very much. I think I know what I'm going to do now, but I owe you all a favor. Cookies all round!
(::)

Thanks very, very much,
Lupy

[zeratul]

Actually going to disagree with this. People make fun of people regardless. If someone was taking fencing then the dedicated would just make fun of that. Even if someone had a fencing sword in their hand in front of me that wouldnt stop me. A knive is a threat, but a fencing foil I wouldnt take seriously.

I do have a younger brother. And for the duration of his life Ive picked on him. Usually to try and get him to stop doing something, to toughen him up or just because Im bored. Back at the parents when we had peasant vision, I pretty much wrassled him or gave him a noogie or somesuch whenever I got bored during a commercial. This has worked though, hes kicking ass in football and rugby for his high school teams. Practice :smallbiggrin:

But if you want to get your brother to stop picking on you, you have to make it not worth it. Take things of his and hide or lose them, just make sure you dont get caught! If he mocks you, yawn and ignore him. If your fighting go for the nut shot. If hes bigger then you its perfectly fair. Snitch on him to your parents when he bugs you a lot. A sibling relationship is composed of blackmail, bribery and deceit.

I can think of various ways to inflict harm or even kill someone with a blunt fencing foil. They can be more dangerous than you would think.

[Copacetic]

I can think of various ways to inflict harm or even kill someone with a blunt fencing foil. They can be more dangerous than you would think.

Kill them Odysseus Style. It doesn't matter how big the cyclops is, if it's hot and in your eye you lose. No matter what.

[Jorkens]

I can think of various ways to inflict harm or even kill someone with a blunt fencing foil. They can be more dangerous than you would think.
Probably, but it's not really something I'd advise trying in the schoolyard...

[Deathcow]

Middle school<high school<college. And that's the sad fact. It's great once you, y'know, get into college, but it kinda sucks until then.

My (unprofessional) advice would be to talk to your parents. It's been my experience that parents generally want to have a good relationship with their children, and it sounds like they (especially your dad) are trying but don't know how. I'm willing to bet that they'd both be overjoyed if you told them how to relate to you, since it's pretty hard for them to figure it out on their own.

Your brother is a slightly different story... it sounds like he enjoys picking on you, which isn't uncommon among sibling relationships. It's possible that if you make an effort to not let any of the stuff he does bother you, he'll stop. Bullies mostly pick on people for the reaction that they provoke, and if you don't give an entertaining reaction it's a lot less fun for him to pick on you.

It's probably a good idea to involve a third party, such as a family friend, school guidance counselor, pastor, therapist, whatever. If you can find someone trained in mediation, go for it, because they generally know how to let each side state their feelings and viewpoints without making the other side feel attacked. It's really important that you make sure that you're not making your parents feel attacked, because when people feel attacked, their impulse is to attack back, which leads to fights and yelling matches, which isn't going to help anything. The best way to do this is to state your feelings as well as possible and name the actions that your parents did that caused those feelings, without implying that your parents were intending to make you feel bad.

I hope that helps. If not, feel free to PM me.

[ZeroNumerous]

He will attack me, and if I fight back, use tactics like biting after stating, fists only.

The first rule of street-fighting: There is no such thing as rules. Remember that and use everything you can think of to win. Victory is victory, and there is nothing to be gained in following the rules. If he attacks you, hit him with a hard-back book over the head. Choke him. Kick him in the balls. Whatever it takes to win is what you should be willing to do.

The other stuff I can't help you with, so I won't bother trying.

[Samiam303]

I can only suggest that you do what I did. Retreat into the only place on earth where the perils of the real world can't reach you; The Internet. Between webcomics, forums, movies, games, instant messengers, chat rooms, there's ultimately more for you in here than there is out there. If you that sounds bleak, that's your father talking. The Internet is a thousand times more fun than anything the real world has to offer you.

Believe you me, I know this from personal experience.

Seriously, this is probably the worst possible plan of action. I was like that for a really long time, and it took ages for me to end up with a few new friends. Here I am a year later and my life's changed so much... I hardly ever have downtime, I got a job, met a great girl... I've never been happier.

It's really easy to just shut yourself off and become an internet recluse, but trust me, you'll find people who are going through the exact same things as you and you can form some really great friendships based on it.

[Bhu]

Learn Aikido, or better yet Aiki-jutsu. It relies on pressure points and such. If someone gives you any crap you can just wrist lock them and they'll give it up due to the pain. If they keep trying (and most wont), break the wrist. If they're stupid enough to come back after that break something else (always make sure you were defending yourself though. "I was afraid for my life officer").

And as for your brother....this will be terrible advice.

He has to sleep sometime.