PDA

View Full Version : D&D Jokes



Sir_Elderberry
2008-05-27, 08:06 PM
A bit of background, GiTP: My group has started a new campaign, and the Bard is playing as a comedian. He even gathered together a list of ten-ish jokes to tell at the table, all of them falling into the So Bad It's Good category. (What do you call a party of bards in full-plate? A heavy metal band.) There's nothing wrong with this, it's part of the fun. My request to you, dear fora, is to help expand his repertoire. The jokes don't necessarily have to be "D&D jokes", anything in a fantasy-medieval kind of context works very well.

So, any comedic genius out there?

The Necroswanso
2008-05-27, 08:08 PM
How many Barbarians does it take to screw in a light bulb? 4. 3 to figure out what the heck a light bulb does, and 1 to spend a rank to get it done.

(Lame)

CompositeSanta
2008-05-27, 08:15 PM
Yo' momma so fat, under size category it just says "DAYUM!"
Yo' momma so fat, she got stuck in her dimension door!

Azerian Kelimon
2008-05-27, 08:19 PM
Are "Do it" jokes allowed? As in, for example, "Fighters do it in many different styles"?

Also, is the classic BA-DUM-CHA! allowed?

Sir_Elderberry
2008-05-27, 08:23 PM
Are "Do it" jokes allowed? As in, for example, "Fighters do it in many different styles"?

Also, is the classic BA-DUM-CHA! allowed?

Yeah. Go crazy, like I said, this is for variety.

Zocelot
2008-05-27, 08:26 PM
How many Paladins does it take to change a lightbulb?
2. One to put in the new bulb, and another to "uphold the light"

Azerian Kelimon
2008-05-27, 08:31 PM
Yeah. Go crazy, like I said, this is for variety.

"Why are monks the best whores?

Flurry of Blows (Alternatively, Tongue of the Sun and Moon). 'Nuff said."

"I was thinking of playing a Kobold Psion..."

*If everyone's not laughing hysterically with that one, he's doing it wrong.*

Ned the undead
2008-05-27, 08:41 PM
Rouges do it from behind.
Necromancers do it with the dead.
Barbarians do it better when they're angry.
Clereics pray so they can do it.
Rangers do it with two hands.
Fighters do it hard and sometimes with chains.
Druids do it with animals.
Bards do it with music.
Wizards read books to do it.
Sorcerors do it spontaneously.
Illusionists pretend to do it.
Enchanters convince you to do it.
Psions do it with their minds.
Monks do it with out wearing a thing.
Mindflayers do it with tentacles.
Shadowdancers do it in the dark.

And my personal favorite.
Incarnum user don't do it 'cause no one uses Incarnum.

Crow T. Robot
2008-05-27, 08:45 PM
Most of mine are inside jokes.

"Quick, seduce him!"

This was from a game long ago where we were issued PCs by the GM. The only woman of the group was also the only one with a social skill. This was compounded by the face she was rather shy.

I have another one but it is kinda grim and rather offensive.

Lady Tialait
2008-05-27, 08:51 PM
Yeah, mine are inside jokes too....and not really funny....like

"but, we're learning."

In my last campaign the party decided they were going to kill Vecna...at like level 10...my powerful NPC wizard showed up and told them "You can't kill a god!" and the paladin leaned forward and said "But, we're learning" about three second of silence....then we all fell over and started laughing. It was great...we were drunk...it caught on...

sonofzeal
2008-05-27, 09:12 PM
Rouges do it from behind.
Necromancers do it with the dead.
Barbarians do it better when they're angry.
Clereics pray so they can do it.
Rangers do it with two hands.
Fighters do it hard and sometimes with chains.
Druids do it with animals.
Bards do it with music.
Wizards read books to do it.
Sorcerors do it spontaneously.
Illusionists pretend to do it.
Enchanters convince you to do it.
Psions do it with their minds.
Monks do it with out wearing a thing.
Mindflayers do it with tentacles.
Shadowdancers do it in the dark.

And my personal favorite.
Incarnum user don't do it 'cause no one uses Incarnum.
May I submit....

Wilders do it euphorically
Psions do it with vigor
Egoists do it at a hustle
Kineticists do it energetically
Nomads do it in bursts
Seers know when you're doing it
Shapers do it biblically ("Genesis"! Get it? :smallbiggrin:)
Telepaths do it mind-to-mind
Totemists do it anamistically
Incarnates do it flexibly
Soulborns... don't do it. :smallfrown:
Warlocks do it all day long

Don Beegles
2008-05-27, 09:45 PM
Warmages do it explosively
Wu Jen do it exotically
Scouts do it on the move
Paladins do it for the greater glory of God
Spirit Shamans do it naturally

Lady Tialait
2008-05-27, 09:50 PM
Spearmen have long ones.
Rouges have short ones.
Wizards don't need one.
Clerics have blunt ones.
Barbarians usually have big ones.
Sorcerers have natural ones.
Monks have well trained ones.


A variation...

Chronicled
2008-05-27, 09:53 PM
Factotums do it with inspiration
Crusaders do it randomly
Swordsages do it once and forget how
Warblades do it better than Fighters
Beguilers do it with a surprise
Knights challenge you to do it
Duskblades do it through their weapon

DrowVampyre
2008-05-27, 10:12 PM
Warblades do it better than Fighters


With a roar of effort. (Iron Heart Surge :smallwink:)

Biotroll
2008-05-28, 07:37 AM
Bit old, but still:

"What is the difference between orc beldam and elf maiden? About fifty years." :smalltongue:

Bayar
2008-05-28, 07:44 AM
I might get smited for this one, but whatever:

What do you call a shepherd? A level 6 commoner with Leadersheep.

*covers*

MorkaisChosen
2008-05-28, 07:46 AM
"I approach and enter tha barman."

OK, not as much of a joke as an in-joke...

Also, "Archivists learn to do it in dungeons."

"Chameleons do it like everyone else."

"Diviners watch you doing it."

TheCountAlucard
2008-05-28, 08:05 AM
An orc, an elf, and a dwarf find themselves being granted wishes by an Efreeti.

The orc says, "We orcs need to return to power. I wish all the orcs and half-orcs were returned to their ancient lands." The Efreeti nods his head, and the orc vanishes.

The elf says, "The elves need to get back to their roots. I wish all the elves and half-elves were returned to their ancestral home." The Efreeti nods his head, and the elf vanishes.

The dwarf looks around. "Let me get this straight," the dwarf says, "the orc wished for all the orcs to be gone, and the elf wished for all the elves to be gone?" The Efreeti nods. "Very well, then," said the dwarf, "I'll have an ale."

Tallis
2008-05-28, 08:18 AM
An orc, an elf, and a dwarf find themselves being granted wishes by an Efreeti.

The orc says, "We orcs need to return to power. I wish all the orcs and half-orcs were returned to their ancient lands." The Efreeti nods his head, and the orc vanishes.

The elf says, "The elves need to get back to their roots. I wish all the elves and half-elves were returned to their ancestral home." The Efreeti nods his head, and the elf vanishes.

The dwarf looks around. "Let me get this straight," the dwarf says, "the orc wished for all the orcs to be gone, and the elf wished for all the elves to be gone?" The Efreeti nods. "Very well, then," said the dwarf, "I'll have an ale."

ROFL
best one yet.

I on the other hand just woke up and can't think of anything the least bit funny. Actually your bard could quote that for early morning encounters...or mid-afternoon encounters depending on the bardic lifestyle.

Serpentine
2008-05-28, 08:22 AM
Rogues do it from behind....or with someone on the other side.
You got most of the rest of mine, or near enough, although...

Sorcerors do it explosively.
Wizards do it... theoretically.
Rangers do it two-handed, or from a distance.
Monks do it with their bare hands.
Fighters do it powerfully.
Knights do it well-protected.
Rogues do it without you noticing.

...Had more. Forget.

Oh, there's that old classic:

A human, an elf and a half-orc walk into a bar. The dwarf* goes straight under.

OR (made up just now by yours truly):

A fighter, a wizard and a cleric walk into a bar. The rogue makes his reflex save.

*/gnome/halfling

Duke of URL
2008-05-28, 08:24 AM
An ogre, giant, and troll walk into a bar... but the kobold was able to duck under it.

Tallis
2008-05-28, 08:33 AM
Why did the halfling cross the road?
To steal the chicken.

I once knew a fighter who beat a wizard in a fair fight..

Lady Tialait
2008-05-28, 08:49 AM
How do you get a one armed goblin out of a tree?

Wave to him.

TheCountAlucard
2008-05-28, 08:54 AM
A gnome and a half-orc find themselves being granted three wishes each by a pair of Efreet.

The half-orc smirks and says, "I wish that I was the leader of my tribe, and that the orcs and half-orcs of my tribe were beautiful women." The first Efreeti nods and grants his wish. The gnome says, "I wish for a riding-dog." The second Efreeti nods and grants his wish.

"Why are you wishing for a riding-dog?" the half-orc asks the gnome. "There's no limit to what you can wish for!" He thinks for a second, then turns to the first Efreeti and says, "I wasn't thinking big enough last time. I wish that all the orcs and half-orcs on the continent were beautiful women." The first Efreeti nods and grants his wish. The gnome says, "I wish for a saddle for my riding-dog." The second Efreeti nods and grants his wish.

The half-orc watches the gnome put the saddle on the riding-dog, an incredulous look on the half-orc's face. "You're wasting your wishes by thinking too small, fool! See?" He turns to the first Efreeti and says, "I wish that all the orcs and half-orcs in the world were beautiful women!" The first Efreeti nods and grants his wish.

The gnome smirks and shakes his head slowly. He climb into the saddle, and as he leaves, he says, "I wish the half-orc was gay."

ShaneLeahy
2008-05-28, 09:00 AM
An old one but still one of my favorites.

Why do elves have pointy ears?

There has to be some point to them.

Headless_Ninja
2008-05-28, 10:09 AM
A wizard, a bard and a barbarian are out adventuring when they come across a mystical portal. The portal's wizened guardian tells them that to pass, they must state one true thing, or be lost forever. The wizard steps forward and says 'I think that I am the smartest' and passes. The bard steps forwards and says 'I think that I am the most talented' and also passes. The bar barian steps forward. 'Me think -' and is suddenly swept into the portal.

An elf and a dwarf come across a drow in the woods while adventuring. Preparing to attack, they are shocked to find an Efreeti which offers the three each one wish. The dwarf asks for his home hold to be filled with the best defensive weaponry possible. Not to be outdone, the elf asks for his home city to be surrounded by a huge, impenetrable wall, with no crack, crevice or even gate to fully ensure his people's safety. When it comes th the drow's turn, he thinks for a minute.
'How high is this wall?' he asks.
'About 30 feet' replies the Efreeti.
'And it's completely impenetrable?'
'Yes'. Again, the Drow thinks, before finally opening his mouth to declare his wish.
'Fill it with water'

Chronos
2008-05-28, 10:14 AM
Some variants of my favorite genre:

How many dwarves does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to hold the bulb, four to drink 'till the room spins.

How many high elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one. He holds the bulb, and the universe revolves around him.

How many wizards does it take to change a light bulb?
That depends. Change it into what?

How many clerics does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one; he casts Cure Light.

How many barbarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A barbarian warrior is not afraid of the dark!

How many rogues does it take to change a light bulb?
How much is it worth to you?

How many slaadi does it take to change a light bulb?
Bananas implicate syzygy.

How many modrons does it take to change a light bulb?
One.

PnP Fan
2008-05-28, 10:23 AM
Binders do it with extradimensional beings.

RandomLunatic
2008-05-28, 10:25 AM
Lowering the Bar

A wizard, a fighter, and a manticore walk into a bar. The barkeep takes one look at them and says "What is this, some kind of a joke?"

A cleric, a half-orc, and a rogue walk into a bar. You think one of them woul have seen it coming. (Alternately-'You think one of them would have made their spot check')

Q. Why are there no dwarven lawyers?
A. They cannot pass the bar.

A very angry-looking knight stroms into the bar with his sword in hand. "I'm looking for the no-good scum who painted my horse green!" he declares, "Stand up and show yourself, you knave!" At this, the biggest, ugliest, meanest-looking half-ogre you have ever seen stands up and says, "Yeah, dat's me. Whaddaya want?" The knight gulps and says "I, uh, wanted to let you know I think it's time for a second coat."

A rogue walks into a bar and says "Ow."

A werebear walks into a bar and says "I'd like a beer.......and some nuts." The barkeep says "Hey buddy, why the large pause?

Knock-outs

Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Turner.
Turner who?
Turner around, I'm comin' to get you!

Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting zombie.
Interrupting zom-
BBRRAAAAIIINSSS!

Thank you. I will be here all week.

Gorbash
2008-05-28, 10:31 AM
Do you know the difference between a DM and a Gibbering Mouther?

One is a horrible, slimy, disgusting monster and the other one is a creature from the Monster Manual.

Falrin
2008-05-28, 11:12 AM
Read this one somewhere

An Elf, a Human, and a Dwarf Go into a bar and order a beer.
Before they drink, a fly lands in each one.

The Elf shoves the beer away in disdain.
The Human waves the fly away and drinks the beer.
The Dwarf picks the fly up, holds it over his glass and yells, "Spit it all out you little *******!"

Hal
2008-05-28, 11:32 AM
A Warlock, a Crusader, and a Marshall walk into a bar. The bartender shouts at them, "Get out of here! Core only!"

KazilDarkeye
2008-05-28, 12:22 PM
What do you call a raging barbarian?
Anything you like - you can't make Listen checks while Raging.

Thank you, thank you very much.

Roderick_BR
2008-05-28, 12:40 PM
A Warlock, a Crusader, and a Marshall walk into a bar. The bartender shouts at them, "Get out of here! Core only!"
He could hang a "we reserve ourselves the right to deny service to customers" sign.

A cleric, a druid, and a goblin walk into a bar.
The goblin looks to other two and say "oops, I'm in the wrong joke."

MorkaisChosen
2008-05-28, 01:12 PM
That previous one is a fine example of metahumour.

What's the difference between metahumour and metagaming?

One's weird and usually quite funny, and the other's a type of joke.

Keld Denar
2008-05-28, 01:36 PM
How many halflings does it take to change a light bulb?

What, you'd trust a halfling with your lightbulb? I'll change it myself thank you!

KazilDarkeye
2008-05-28, 01:50 PM
An orc asks another orc
Orc 1: What's the difference between an elf, and a trampoline?
Orc 2: I dunno
Orc 1: You take your boots off before you jump on a trampoline.

Another
Orc 1: What's the difference between a Wand of Cure Moderate Wounds and a Rod of Wonder?
Orc 2: I dunno
Orc 1: Well, I'm not gonna make you the party healer then.

Zeta Kai
2008-05-28, 01:56 PM
This one was told in a past campaign:

What's the difference between a porcupine and a Temple of Pelor?
Porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

TheCountAlucard
2008-05-28, 02:03 PM
the drow's turn, he thinks for a minute.
'How high is this wall?' he asks.
'About 30 feet' replies the Efreeti.
'And it's completely impenetrable?'
'Yes'. Again, the Drow thinks, before finally opening his mouth to declare his wish.
'Fill it with water'

Don't you mean "Dwarf?"

Jimp
2008-05-28, 06:33 PM
Monk 20
HA HAA
I'm sorry, it just had to be done.

Newtkeeper
2008-05-28, 06:42 PM
A fighter walks into a bar. Then he leaves, because he can't do anything a war blade couldn't do twice as well.


Why does Marx hate DnD? Because of the class system!


What do you call ten thousand munchkins lying dead on the bottom of the ocean? A good start.

Okay, okay. I broke the glass. Am I in pane? And do I get windows xp?



Monk 20

Game balance.
Economics.

drengnikrafe
2008-05-28, 09:19 PM
You know, you're right. [Insert Cleric's Deity's name here] does save. And everyone else takes full damage. (Metagame, sure).

[when fighting a beholder [sadly, not good very much else of the time]] You know, that sword may not be beautiful, but it IS in the eye of the beholder...

What's the difference between a dead cat in the road, and a dead gnome in the road? You can see the footprints walking around the cat...

McMindflayer
2008-05-28, 09:34 PM
How do you kill an orc with a crossbow?
You pick it up and shoot him!

two orcs are walking around in a city, when one orc falls over in pain, the first orc runs to a doctor. "Doc, come quick, My freind fell down!"
THe doctor responds "Is He dead?"
THe Orc leaves the office, returns shortly "He is now."

drengnikrafe
2008-05-28, 09:38 PM
A lot of these jokes feel recycled from somewhere else, with [elf, halfling, orc] put in the place of various other things.

Why don't we add in the Chuck Norris Jokes disguised as Cthulhu jokes already?

Did you hear? Cthulhu once won the World Series of Poker using only a Green 2 from Uno, a 3 of Clubs, a 5 of Diamonds, and a get-out-of-jail-free card from Monopoly...

Serenity
2008-05-28, 10:10 PM
"Across the room you see a door. The door is ajar."

"What sorcery is this? All right, I climb into the jar!"

GrassyGnoll
2008-05-28, 10:15 PM
Because it needed to be done.

How many succubi does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but how do they get in the bulb?

Albonor
2008-05-28, 10:29 PM
On Monday, I met and fought an ogre for a minute and killed him easily.

On Tuesday, I met and fought a demon for an hour and managed to banish it.

On Wednesday, I met and fought a red dragon for the rest of the day and barely walked out of there.

On Thursday, I met a kobold with a little familiar....and ran the hell away!

RandomLunatic
2008-05-28, 10:44 PM
Questionable Content

Q: What is the difference between a railroading DM and a terrorist?
A: Terrorists can be negotiated with.

Q: How many basilisks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Where would basilisks even get light bulbs anyway?

Q: How many orcs does it take to change a wagon wheel?
A: Six to lift the wagon, and one to pin the diaper on.

Q: What do you call an orc with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: How can tell if a halfling is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: What is the difference between an orc and a rock?
A: About three IQ points.

Q: How many orcs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Four. Got a problem with that, pinky?


Books Never Written

Alchemy For Dummies, by Stan Wellback.

Overland Expeditions Made Easy, by Carrie Me.

Outrun the Dragon, by Willie Makit. Illustrations by Betty Wont.

Did you hear the one about...

The banshee?
It's a scream.

The broken sword?
It's pointless.

The werewolf?
You'll howl.

The titan?
It's way over your head.

The angry mob?
It's a riot.

MorkaisChosen
2008-05-29, 05:05 AM
A lot of these jokes feel recycled from somewhere else, with [elf, halfling, orc] put in the place of various other things.

Why don't we add in the Chuck Norris Jokes disguised as Cthulhu jokes already?

Did you hear? Cthulhu once won the World Series of Poker using only a Green 2 from Uno, a 3 of Clubs, a 5 of Diamonds, and a get-out-of-jail-free card from Monopoly...

Some of these are actually surprisingly good.

"Cthulhu does not sleep. He waits."

"There is no evolution- only a list of creatures Cthulhu allows to live."

"The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Cthulhu out. It failed miserably."

"Cthulhu can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves."

"If you spell Cthulhu in Scrabble, you win. Forever."

"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Cthulhu once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate."

Jimp
2008-05-29, 09:30 AM
[I]"Cthulhu does not sleep. He waits."

"There is no evolution- only a list of creatures Cthulhu allows to live."


Those are fantastic.

There's only an outer space because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Cthulhu.

MorkaisChosen
2008-05-29, 09:40 AM
That's the one I couldn't remember. Thanks! :smallbiggrin:

SpikeFightwicky
2008-05-29, 10:17 AM
*2 bards are standing on a bridge, when the first one emits a stinking cloud.
The second one says:
'I didn't know you could cast that spell!'
To which the first one replies:
'I can't...'

*Q: How do gnomes name their children?
A: Through complicated 'gnomenclature'

*Q: What happens when an angry gnome takes revenge?
A: Gnomore mr. nice guy!

*Q: Who's the most dishonest great old one?
A: Cthulhu, because he can eternal lie.

I'll see if I can recall any others... They're all pretty much cringe worthy.

Bender
2008-05-29, 11:00 AM
Ok, some more converted classics:

Why did the dead goblin cross the road?
Because it's stapled to a chicken

Two ogres are flanking a gelatinous cube (or whatever...)
ogre 1: How you get at other side cube?
ogre 2: What you talking about? You at other side!

What's a half-orc in a pile of trash?
An egoist, there's room for more

What do you do when the goblin leaves the kitchen?
shorten the chain

EDIT: great how they are now so much more politically correct and less inappropriate...

batsofchaos
2008-05-29, 11:08 AM
...Did you just change a Dead Baby joke into a Dead Goblin joke?

Admiral Squish
2008-05-29, 11:42 AM
...Did you just change a Dead Baby joke into a Dead Goblin joke?

Another instance of making a good thing better.

How many goblins does it take to paint a house?
Depends on how hard you throw 'em.

AKA_Bait
2008-05-29, 11:45 AM
How do you make a dead goblin float?
Two scoops vanilla icecream, one scoop dead goblin.

What's worse than stirge in your soup?
The Time of Troubles Jerk!

Roderick_BR
2008-05-29, 11:55 AM
*Q: How do gnomes name their children?
*Q: Who's the most dishonest great old one?
Those managed to make me groan. Good job.

A gnome entered a bar. He stood by the counter and asked by some wine. Seconds passes. He asks again... nothing.. he starts to jump, trying to look over the counter, and asking "I want a wine! I want a wine!.
He gets upset and walks around it, and finds another gnome jumping, trying to look over the counter, asking "red or white? Red or White?"

The knight is leaving the bar, when he sees his mount was stolen. Angered, he yells "I'm gonna go get another drink. If, by the time I'm back, my mount is not here, I'll do what I did yesterday". He walked in, asked another drink, drank it, exited the bar... and there was his horse. A halfling that was standing there all the time, curious asked "but what you did yesterday"? To which the knight replied "went home by foot."

A human was selling melons in the fair, when a huge orc approached him, and said outloud "I WANT TO BUY HALF OF A MELON". The guy, intimidated with the orc's size, replied "I can't sell you half of a melon... I'll have to ask my boss..." he leaves to one of the tents, and the orc follows him without he noticing. Getting in there he says "boss, there's a darned son of a whore out there, wanting to buy half of a melon". He looks back, and finds the orc standing right behind him "... and this genleman want to buy the other half".

batsofchaos
2008-05-29, 12:14 PM
What's the difference between a dead goblin and a cannon ball?
Only the dead goblin can be lifted with a pitchfork.

What's green, red, and bumps into walls?
A Goblin with forks in its eyes.

What's worse than ten dead goblins in a ditch?
One dead goblin in ten ditches.

AKA_Bait
2008-05-29, 12:19 PM
What's worse than ten dead goblins in a ditch?
One dead goblin in ten ditches.

What's worse than a pit full of dead goblins?
A pit full of dead goblins with one live goblin at the bottom eating it's way to freedom.

What's brown and sits motionless on the floor?
A goblin in a bag of holding.
What's Gray, smelly, sits in the corner and attracts flies?
Same goblin 2 weeks later.

What's purple and sits on my porch?
My pet Tiefling and I'll paint him any color I want dangit!

Athaniar
2008-05-29, 12:31 PM
Hexblades do it while cursing (sorry).

There is no chin beneath Cthulhu's tentacles, just another talon.

Why are there no stars to the left?
Because the stars are right.

More to follow.

Gnomish Lab
2008-05-29, 12:55 PM
That previous one is a fine example of metahumour.

What's the difference between metahumour and metagaming?

One's weird and usually quite funny, and the other's a type of joke.

Metametahumor.
Nice !

batsofchaos
2008-05-29, 01:32 PM
How do you stop a goblin from crawling around in circles?
Nail its other hand to the floor.

What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of goblin guts?
You can't gargle gravel.

what's more fun than stapling goblins to a wall?
Ripping them off again.

AKA_Bait
2008-05-29, 01:43 PM
How do you get a bar full of Dwarves up on the roof?
Yell "drinks on the house!"

Never let your daughter hang out with a ranger whose animal companion is named 'Fluffer'.

Where does the Tarrasque sit?
Any place he wants.

What do you call a Kobold Master of Many Forms with a snake familiar?
Sir.

MorkaisChosen
2008-05-29, 02:05 PM
Metametahumor.
Nice !

Just be careful I don't start the Metastacking. It annihilates the universe.

I'm still not sure which is which in my metametajoke...

Timberboar
2008-05-29, 02:33 PM
*ahem*

When is a fairy not a fairy?
...
...
...

When its got its head up a pixie's skirt. Then it's a goblin.

obvious pun
2008-05-29, 03:56 PM
What's green, moldy, and lying at the bottom of the pool?
A dead goblin.

Why didn't the goblin cross the road?
'Cause he's dead.

What's funnier than seeing a dead goblin?
Two dead goblins.

The following joke is not mine.

Human: Hey elf, you look like a girl!
Elf: To a human, everything must look like a girl.
Human: What?
Elf: Half elves, half orcs...
Human: Hey!
Dwarf: Half dragons, Half trolls...
Human: Stop it!
Elf: ...
Human: ...
Dwarf: ...
Elf: ... Centaurs.

chiasaur11
2008-05-29, 04:54 PM
A Kobold, A Warforged, and a zombie walk into a bar.
Kobold says, "my warren was invaded last week, only me and my best friend made it out alive."
Bartender says, "That's too bad." The Kobold gets a free beer.
Warforged says: "I went with my creator and his party to stave off an invasion from armies of Terrasques. I was the only one to survive."
Bartender silently hands him a beer.
Zombie says "Well, Me and some friends headed into the Tomb Of Horrors..."
Bartender cuts him off: "Hey buddy, no one likes a showoff."

Zocelot
2008-05-29, 05:31 PM
What's funnier than seeing a dead goblin?
Two dead goblins.


What's funnier than a dead goblin?
A dead goblin in a clown suit.

Darkantra
2008-05-29, 07:01 PM
Scouts do it after moving 10 feet.
Samurais do it worse than the Fighter.
Artificers do it with gadgets.
Goliaths do it one size bigger.

What do you say when a hulking hurler starts throwing sheep?
"That was baaaalistic."

What do you do when Olladra gives you lemons?
You find another god.

After joining a new gaming group the DM turns to you and says, "By the way, I allow Polymorph in my games."

GrassyGnoll
2008-05-29, 07:01 PM
How do you get 50 goblins in a tub?
A crazed dervish

How do you get them out?
Chips

monty
2008-05-29, 07:25 PM
Bards do it with perfect rhythm.

obvious pun
2008-05-29, 07:28 PM
What goes best with fondue?
Dead goblin.

How many dead goblins does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Enough to make a stench so strong, a concerned citizen who hates dead light bulbs comes to investigate, and noticing the light bulb needs changing, changes it.

How do you clean up all those dead goblin corpses?
Send in a bunch of goblins to cannibalize the other corpses, repeat until theres one. Then burn it. You now have a thanksgiving dinner fit for a desperate family king.

What's green, moldy, and at the bottom of a shark filled pool?
Dead gob- no, wait, not anymore.

What's the best kind of dead goblin?
The one that comes pre-seasoned.

What's the coolest kind of dead goblin?
The dead kind...with leather sleeves, sunglasses, and blue hair.

Saint Nil
2008-05-29, 07:34 PM
This happened in our group once.

Warblade: Hmm, I need to get my manevers back. I use a swift action on the captain(a women)

Me: All your actions with women are swift.:smallamused:


We still joke about it:smallcool: