Evil DM Mark3
2008-06-29, 05:20 AM
Recently a friend of mine and I got sick and tired of all of the highly incompetent behaviour by people like UNIT and Torchwood, as well as recalling older examples of apparently brain-dead alien agencies. So we put together this list on the same principle as the Evil Overlord List.
Your comments please.
101 things to think about if I ever run a counter alien agency.
Security and Secrecy
1: If I am the head of an alien invasion task force I will not assume all strange events as purely terrestrial. My job is there for a reason.
2: If I believe that a system fitted to my groups bases, vehicles or other equipment is suspect I will have it removed.
3: My first job will be to create a website revealing my existence. I will link to all the strange conspiracy sites I can find, use very poor or dubious photos, lots of bad science and include forums. This has the twofold purpose of discrediting anyone who finds out about me and letting me know what the conspiracy nuts are noticing.
4: I will watch carefully any piece of technology that suddenly and rapidly manages to be in everything, especially if it involves common pieces of technology like mobile phones or sat navs which should by all rights have several competing systems.
5: All agent's phones will be monitored to allow me to track them in an emergency and detect treachery.
6: I will never have all of my commanders in any one place. They will never go all to one meeting, and if requested to do so then some will employ an advanced system known as teleconferencing.
7: Base computer systems will not be connected to the internet. Internet terminals will exist but they will be unconnected to any other base function.
8: I will not be so stupid as to "disappear" members of the media, all his friends and colleges are paid to be nosy and you end up having to "disappear" whole population centres.
9: The place where I store alien stuff will not be in a major city.
10: The place I store alien stuff will not be my HQ.
11: All high ranking members of the agency will run on carefully chosen code names only. They will not be allowed to connect with their "normal" lives for safety reasons. A name like "Mr Steven" will protect you in ways body armour can only dream of.
11a: Despite this, all high ranking officers will wear body armour and have at least as good a guard detail as a major political figure
12: I will let the heads of the major world governments know about me only on sufferance, assuming one of them is not my boss. If they are aware of me I will make it as clear as possible that I am there to fight aliens, not other human nations.
13: I will endeavour not to let all world leaders be together in one place to meet aliens. Teleconferencing is still an option.
14: My organisation will not have a single head. There will be an inner circle of at least half a dozen, each with supreme authority over one area. As such multiple people will have to be compromised to significantly control the organisation.
15: If aliens do something really public like destroy an aircraft carrier, I will go public and get an increased budget, not create some ill conceived cover story about asteroids that nobody will believe
16: I will commit at least a basic investigation of all significant technological advances.
17: If an alien artefact of unknown origin and power suddenly pops into existence in my HQ, I will immediately move all command functions to a different building.
17a: In a different city.
18: I will upgrade to new HQs every now and again. Old HQs will be mothballed and I will keep a spare key.
18a: They will also be well patrolled in case some one has the bright idea to take them over.
19: Just because I employ an R&D department does not mean I do not need to understand how things work.
19a: Or at least how to work them.
20: If I can I will get a cartoon or anime made depicting people somewhat like us fighting aliens somewhat like the ones we fight made. This will allow me to better pass off any sighting as part of a live action movie.
21: If an invasion seems unavoidable I will go public. Sure the public will panic, but they wont be quietly sipping coffee in a cafe when the aliens start blowing them up either.
22: If I have a super powered and incredible knowledgeable alien who occasionally helps our organisation I will request that he tells us as much about the most common kinds of alien threats as possible rather than explaining only when he meets them.
23: I will also get some kind of contact method for him, as well as for anyone who he may have travelled with and trained up.
24: All heads of government and all heads of security services will be kept under very close scrutiny, for their protection.
25: All my equipment and vehicles will have at least as good anti-theft devices as civilian versions, such as immobilisers in cars and The Club.
Recruiting and Personnel
26: My organisation will be large and inclusive, not half a dozen assorted people in a basement.
27: I will recruit from the world's finest soldiers. As such my forces will be able to use cover and avoid obvious hazards.
28: Any humans who get involved with aliens will be screened. Megalomaniacs and power-mongers will be killed. Xenophiles will be recruited.
29: I will look everywhere for my agents. Often all a serial killer or bored internet terrorist needs is a constructive outlet for their skills. Better have them in pissing out than out pissing in after all.
30: However I will make sure that said agents remain well supervised and keep them away from any benevolent aliens who keep turning up.
31: I will employ a large, I repeat a LARGE, staff of behavioural physiologists and behavioural zoologists. This will ensure that my troops can get therapy and I can call on people to help me understand the possible mindset of any encountered alien.
32: I will study the various invasion techniques from history. I will recall that the Europeans who's descendants now rule America did not arrive all weapons blazing for example.
33: Torture does not work.
34: I will not randomly lock up very competent scientists without charge or trial because their parents have been held hostage and they've been forced to steal state secrets. I will offer them a job as they have just proven both science and espionage skill, along with basic loyalty instincts.
35: Guards at my bases will be equipped at least as well as the regular army.
36: I will presumably be running at least a small military and they will need training and to guard my facilities. They cannot do this concealed. As such I will take care to have people assume that it they are the local military, not random people with guns.
37: My pension plan and pay scale will be very good. Last thing I need is some scientist hawking xeno-tech for cash.
38: I am an equal opportunities employer. Racial slurs, as well as spur of the moment xeno-slurs, are not to be tolerated. All we need is a war because someone was compared to a water cooler.
39: I will consider that how every cool uniforms with beret look, helmets might be a better choice of headgear on combat operations.
40: I will employ several conspiracy nuts, and keep them under close observation. Admittedly most of their theories will be nonsense, but sometimes a 300% increase in honey prices is important.
41: I will employ several people in the media, they help kill any security leaks I have and they get to have the exclusives on any non-alien scandals and threats I uncover.
42: I will employ a group of competent accountants and lobbyists to make sure I an not constantly under funded and on the verge of having my funding cut off by the government
43: If I reverse engineer weapons, I can also reverse engineer white goods. I can then get non-governmental funding from patents.
44: Any Artificial Intelligence will be treated as my equal and be kept under just as much protection and scrutiny.
45: I will include as least as much oversight of operations as an average intelligence agency.
46: Out-scouring is not in my dictionary.
47: Neither is Public-Private Finance
48: If I do decide to use reverser engineered xeno-tech for civilian purposes, such as to provide cheap clean power, I will first predict the likely effects of such on the world economy. Nothing like destroying a major industry to plunge the economy into chaos.
49: Rather than reverse-engineering alien weapons, the first thing I will attempt to recreate is alien sensors, that way if titanic star ships appear overhead at least I'll know ahead of time
50: The planet earth is unlikely to be more advanced than aliens. This means that we are unlikely to be able to compete in the tech market if we make contact. To avoid economic domination I will make sure we are ready to push out art and culture to get some financial power.
51: I will have experts in mythology on staff. If aliens have visited us before someone will have written something down.
52: I will make sure large amounts of money is put into R&D for future generators. I don't want to find that my descendants in the 42nd centuries are still stuck with M-16 rifles.
53: Elite troops often have real difficulty adapting to normal life after they have to leave. I need as many highly trained experts as possible. This should be clear enough.
54: I will maintain good relations with all other agencies in my field
54a: Likewise rich xenophiles.
55: I will try and recruit aliens if at all possible, I will take all possible security measures in dealing with them however.
56: I will develop a rich and varied after work environment for my employees, especially those who have to be cut off from the world.
57: I will also develop a very strict, professional no-nonsense work environment.
58: As a consequence of the two above rules sneaking off to have a quick one whilst you are on duty (and similar) is a class 1 disciplinary matter. Aliens always invade whilst the guards either have their trousers down or are lighting up.
59: As Cabin Fever is not desirable all personnel assigned to remove locations will receive frequent relief, at least daily contact with the outside world and basic leisure facilities for use when off shift.
59a: As they will often consist of 100% of contact with the outside world on these occasions radio operators/communications officers will be ENCOURAGED to be chatty and informal after they have received all necessary info and will be asked to remain on-line for at least 20 minutes, with time available for at least half an hour.
60: One of my revenue streams should be a games company. This has the now familiar screening benefits (see points 3 and 40) but as I will be employing a group of people who's job it is to consider strange scenarios and will be running forums, presumably, for people who do the same as a hobby. Some gamers can be dangerously fiendish.
Weapons and operational procedures
61: All members are to be reminded that wandering off on your own is bad
62: In view of the fact that many aliens are immune to standard weapons, several forms of non-standard weapons will be on hand.
63: I will demand pedantic and frequent radio protocol, if you send a message and do not get a “Roger!” in response, you are to assume that your message was blocked. Likewise there are no excuses for missing in a check in, save death, capture or incapacitation. As such I will assume one of those.
64: I will remember that human armies have access to a full variety of systems including heavily armoured tanks, aircraft, bullet proof body armour, helicopter gunships, guided bombs and cruise missiles. For this reason I will think twice before attempting to counter any alien emergency with either light infantry or nuclear bombs.
65: I will only ever used reverse engineered or earth technology for standard missions. If I cannot replicate it I cannot predict, control or fix it.
66: I will however break the above rule in emergencies.
67: No unit securing a structure, especially a dark basement area of a structure will operate in teams of less than 12
68: All units will contain at least 1 anti-tank level piece of equipment and 1 mass suppression piece of equipment with strict rules on their use. Thus they will never be forced to fight a swarming horde or a tank with small arms. Grenades will also be available.
69: If one of my agents is travelling in a civilian vehicle fitted with some form of suspect device and it begins behaving strangely, he or she will park the vehicle and catch a bus.
70. I will not commit crimes in front of highly moralistic allies, no matter how logical or necessary it is.
71: I will not assume that aliens have the same mental outlook or ideas as humans.
72: If the friendly and hugely powerful alien tells my organisation that bullets are not the best way to deal with a problem more than once, then I will have a team of competent planners come up with some less violent plans.
73: Emergency response plans will exist in case any of my bases are taken over by alien forces. These will not be known to the people on the base.
74: All of my electronics and high level facilities will be up to code and meet Health and Safety regulations.
75: They will also include a high level of EMP and TEMPEST shielding
76: The first thing I will do in any area I think is under alien control is to check if the workers are hypnotised, zombies or alien clones
77: If newly arrived aliens turn out to be able to understand English, I will want to know why. They may have a very very useful universal translator, or they may simply have been here longer than they claim.
78: My troops will be trained to call in for backup before investigating a strange area, not after entering said area
79: All important staff will be assigned their own body guard units during field ops.
80: As of yet no logical reason for a self-destruct sequence has ever been put forward, especially on a static building.
81: It is my job to protect the planet. As such the governments of said world and the rights of citizens of said world are secondary concerns. They may complain but dead people CAN'T.
81a: A world spanning police state is therefore an emergency option.
81b: I will also look at the fate of dictators throughout history and therefore hand back power the moment I no longer need it.
82: If I clearly can’t win, I won’t fight. Sometimes, no wait, all of the time, you can do more as a heavily armed, well organised and well lead resistance than getting slaughtered in a blaze of glory.
83: In general glory is a waste of life.
84: For some reason aliens may want to invade to eat humans. This makes no sense based on size and time to mature, but if they do try I will instead offer them a large stock of more traditional livestock, feed plants and a manual on animal husbandry.
85: I will learn to spot the tell tale signs of intelligence species that I can negotiate with and beasts that I cannot negotiate with.
86: If I am told by my incredibly advanced and intelligent alien buddy that I cannot negotiate with an alien species I will assume he is correct, but try anyway, just in case.
87: All guard posts will be manned by no less than 3 people. So that if one is in the loo and one gets shot, I still have one to raise the alarm.
88: Any equipment failures are to be considered an emergency until proven otherwise.
Medical
89: All members must undergo a weekly physical examination to guard against alien infiltration.
90: All members will have their DNA on record.
91: All members will have a sub-dermal microchip fitted. This will not be for identification (as they will assume) but as a guard against shape-shifters or clones, as these can only rarely replicate inorganic components as well.
91a: These microchips will be manufactured exclusively in house by a team of several dozen randomly selected engineers to avoid them being used to infiltrate me.
92: Whilst dealing with uncatalogued organisms and chemicals a total quarantine of the are will be maintained.
93: Autopsy is the LEAST efficient way to gather data about an alien's physiology and capabilities.
94: I will develop a technique to find out if people are under hypnotic control. It will be used regularly.
95: If I wish to use aliens for medical experiments I will at the very least conduct proper animal testing to make sure that they do not have effects such as horrible parasites that hatch inside the victims, alien mind control or other side effects.
96: All agents will have regular psychological checks.
96a: From real psychologists with more care and attention than a school councillor.
97: Alien Sex is Danger Sex.
98: There is no reason to even assume that human and alien physiologies are compatible. I will therefore not eat or drink anything until I have had a full toxicity scan run.
99: My rules on technology I can replicate and understand only goes double on medical technology. Open minded as I am there is no room in the organisation for pregnant men.
100: No medical experimentation on my employees. Especially without their consent. I do not ask for trouble.
101: All medical techniques I do reverse-engineer will undergo at least as stringent testing as normal medicine before implementation.
Your comments please.
101 things to think about if I ever run a counter alien agency.
Security and Secrecy
1: If I am the head of an alien invasion task force I will not assume all strange events as purely terrestrial. My job is there for a reason.
2: If I believe that a system fitted to my groups bases, vehicles or other equipment is suspect I will have it removed.
3: My first job will be to create a website revealing my existence. I will link to all the strange conspiracy sites I can find, use very poor or dubious photos, lots of bad science and include forums. This has the twofold purpose of discrediting anyone who finds out about me and letting me know what the conspiracy nuts are noticing.
4: I will watch carefully any piece of technology that suddenly and rapidly manages to be in everything, especially if it involves common pieces of technology like mobile phones or sat navs which should by all rights have several competing systems.
5: All agent's phones will be monitored to allow me to track them in an emergency and detect treachery.
6: I will never have all of my commanders in any one place. They will never go all to one meeting, and if requested to do so then some will employ an advanced system known as teleconferencing.
7: Base computer systems will not be connected to the internet. Internet terminals will exist but they will be unconnected to any other base function.
8: I will not be so stupid as to "disappear" members of the media, all his friends and colleges are paid to be nosy and you end up having to "disappear" whole population centres.
9: The place where I store alien stuff will not be in a major city.
10: The place I store alien stuff will not be my HQ.
11: All high ranking members of the agency will run on carefully chosen code names only. They will not be allowed to connect with their "normal" lives for safety reasons. A name like "Mr Steven" will protect you in ways body armour can only dream of.
11a: Despite this, all high ranking officers will wear body armour and have at least as good a guard detail as a major political figure
12: I will let the heads of the major world governments know about me only on sufferance, assuming one of them is not my boss. If they are aware of me I will make it as clear as possible that I am there to fight aliens, not other human nations.
13: I will endeavour not to let all world leaders be together in one place to meet aliens. Teleconferencing is still an option.
14: My organisation will not have a single head. There will be an inner circle of at least half a dozen, each with supreme authority over one area. As such multiple people will have to be compromised to significantly control the organisation.
15: If aliens do something really public like destroy an aircraft carrier, I will go public and get an increased budget, not create some ill conceived cover story about asteroids that nobody will believe
16: I will commit at least a basic investigation of all significant technological advances.
17: If an alien artefact of unknown origin and power suddenly pops into existence in my HQ, I will immediately move all command functions to a different building.
17a: In a different city.
18: I will upgrade to new HQs every now and again. Old HQs will be mothballed and I will keep a spare key.
18a: They will also be well patrolled in case some one has the bright idea to take them over.
19: Just because I employ an R&D department does not mean I do not need to understand how things work.
19a: Or at least how to work them.
20: If I can I will get a cartoon or anime made depicting people somewhat like us fighting aliens somewhat like the ones we fight made. This will allow me to better pass off any sighting as part of a live action movie.
21: If an invasion seems unavoidable I will go public. Sure the public will panic, but they wont be quietly sipping coffee in a cafe when the aliens start blowing them up either.
22: If I have a super powered and incredible knowledgeable alien who occasionally helps our organisation I will request that he tells us as much about the most common kinds of alien threats as possible rather than explaining only when he meets them.
23: I will also get some kind of contact method for him, as well as for anyone who he may have travelled with and trained up.
24: All heads of government and all heads of security services will be kept under very close scrutiny, for their protection.
25: All my equipment and vehicles will have at least as good anti-theft devices as civilian versions, such as immobilisers in cars and The Club.
Recruiting and Personnel
26: My organisation will be large and inclusive, not half a dozen assorted people in a basement.
27: I will recruit from the world's finest soldiers. As such my forces will be able to use cover and avoid obvious hazards.
28: Any humans who get involved with aliens will be screened. Megalomaniacs and power-mongers will be killed. Xenophiles will be recruited.
29: I will look everywhere for my agents. Often all a serial killer or bored internet terrorist needs is a constructive outlet for their skills. Better have them in pissing out than out pissing in after all.
30: However I will make sure that said agents remain well supervised and keep them away from any benevolent aliens who keep turning up.
31: I will employ a large, I repeat a LARGE, staff of behavioural physiologists and behavioural zoologists. This will ensure that my troops can get therapy and I can call on people to help me understand the possible mindset of any encountered alien.
32: I will study the various invasion techniques from history. I will recall that the Europeans who's descendants now rule America did not arrive all weapons blazing for example.
33: Torture does not work.
34: I will not randomly lock up very competent scientists without charge or trial because their parents have been held hostage and they've been forced to steal state secrets. I will offer them a job as they have just proven both science and espionage skill, along with basic loyalty instincts.
35: Guards at my bases will be equipped at least as well as the regular army.
36: I will presumably be running at least a small military and they will need training and to guard my facilities. They cannot do this concealed. As such I will take care to have people assume that it they are the local military, not random people with guns.
37: My pension plan and pay scale will be very good. Last thing I need is some scientist hawking xeno-tech for cash.
38: I am an equal opportunities employer. Racial slurs, as well as spur of the moment xeno-slurs, are not to be tolerated. All we need is a war because someone was compared to a water cooler.
39: I will consider that how every cool uniforms with beret look, helmets might be a better choice of headgear on combat operations.
40: I will employ several conspiracy nuts, and keep them under close observation. Admittedly most of their theories will be nonsense, but sometimes a 300% increase in honey prices is important.
41: I will employ several people in the media, they help kill any security leaks I have and they get to have the exclusives on any non-alien scandals and threats I uncover.
42: I will employ a group of competent accountants and lobbyists to make sure I an not constantly under funded and on the verge of having my funding cut off by the government
43: If I reverse engineer weapons, I can also reverse engineer white goods. I can then get non-governmental funding from patents.
44: Any Artificial Intelligence will be treated as my equal and be kept under just as much protection and scrutiny.
45: I will include as least as much oversight of operations as an average intelligence agency.
46: Out-scouring is not in my dictionary.
47: Neither is Public-Private Finance
48: If I do decide to use reverser engineered xeno-tech for civilian purposes, such as to provide cheap clean power, I will first predict the likely effects of such on the world economy. Nothing like destroying a major industry to plunge the economy into chaos.
49: Rather than reverse-engineering alien weapons, the first thing I will attempt to recreate is alien sensors, that way if titanic star ships appear overhead at least I'll know ahead of time
50: The planet earth is unlikely to be more advanced than aliens. This means that we are unlikely to be able to compete in the tech market if we make contact. To avoid economic domination I will make sure we are ready to push out art and culture to get some financial power.
51: I will have experts in mythology on staff. If aliens have visited us before someone will have written something down.
52: I will make sure large amounts of money is put into R&D for future generators. I don't want to find that my descendants in the 42nd centuries are still stuck with M-16 rifles.
53: Elite troops often have real difficulty adapting to normal life after they have to leave. I need as many highly trained experts as possible. This should be clear enough.
54: I will maintain good relations with all other agencies in my field
54a: Likewise rich xenophiles.
55: I will try and recruit aliens if at all possible, I will take all possible security measures in dealing with them however.
56: I will develop a rich and varied after work environment for my employees, especially those who have to be cut off from the world.
57: I will also develop a very strict, professional no-nonsense work environment.
58: As a consequence of the two above rules sneaking off to have a quick one whilst you are on duty (and similar) is a class 1 disciplinary matter. Aliens always invade whilst the guards either have their trousers down or are lighting up.
59: As Cabin Fever is not desirable all personnel assigned to remove locations will receive frequent relief, at least daily contact with the outside world and basic leisure facilities for use when off shift.
59a: As they will often consist of 100% of contact with the outside world on these occasions radio operators/communications officers will be ENCOURAGED to be chatty and informal after they have received all necessary info and will be asked to remain on-line for at least 20 minutes, with time available for at least half an hour.
60: One of my revenue streams should be a games company. This has the now familiar screening benefits (see points 3 and 40) but as I will be employing a group of people who's job it is to consider strange scenarios and will be running forums, presumably, for people who do the same as a hobby. Some gamers can be dangerously fiendish.
Weapons and operational procedures
61: All members are to be reminded that wandering off on your own is bad
62: In view of the fact that many aliens are immune to standard weapons, several forms of non-standard weapons will be on hand.
63: I will demand pedantic and frequent radio protocol, if you send a message and do not get a “Roger!” in response, you are to assume that your message was blocked. Likewise there are no excuses for missing in a check in, save death, capture or incapacitation. As such I will assume one of those.
64: I will remember that human armies have access to a full variety of systems including heavily armoured tanks, aircraft, bullet proof body armour, helicopter gunships, guided bombs and cruise missiles. For this reason I will think twice before attempting to counter any alien emergency with either light infantry or nuclear bombs.
65: I will only ever used reverse engineered or earth technology for standard missions. If I cannot replicate it I cannot predict, control or fix it.
66: I will however break the above rule in emergencies.
67: No unit securing a structure, especially a dark basement area of a structure will operate in teams of less than 12
68: All units will contain at least 1 anti-tank level piece of equipment and 1 mass suppression piece of equipment with strict rules on their use. Thus they will never be forced to fight a swarming horde or a tank with small arms. Grenades will also be available.
69: If one of my agents is travelling in a civilian vehicle fitted with some form of suspect device and it begins behaving strangely, he or she will park the vehicle and catch a bus.
70. I will not commit crimes in front of highly moralistic allies, no matter how logical or necessary it is.
71: I will not assume that aliens have the same mental outlook or ideas as humans.
72: If the friendly and hugely powerful alien tells my organisation that bullets are not the best way to deal with a problem more than once, then I will have a team of competent planners come up with some less violent plans.
73: Emergency response plans will exist in case any of my bases are taken over by alien forces. These will not be known to the people on the base.
74: All of my electronics and high level facilities will be up to code and meet Health and Safety regulations.
75: They will also include a high level of EMP and TEMPEST shielding
76: The first thing I will do in any area I think is under alien control is to check if the workers are hypnotised, zombies or alien clones
77: If newly arrived aliens turn out to be able to understand English, I will want to know why. They may have a very very useful universal translator, or they may simply have been here longer than they claim.
78: My troops will be trained to call in for backup before investigating a strange area, not after entering said area
79: All important staff will be assigned their own body guard units during field ops.
80: As of yet no logical reason for a self-destruct sequence has ever been put forward, especially on a static building.
81: It is my job to protect the planet. As such the governments of said world and the rights of citizens of said world are secondary concerns. They may complain but dead people CAN'T.
81a: A world spanning police state is therefore an emergency option.
81b: I will also look at the fate of dictators throughout history and therefore hand back power the moment I no longer need it.
82: If I clearly can’t win, I won’t fight. Sometimes, no wait, all of the time, you can do more as a heavily armed, well organised and well lead resistance than getting slaughtered in a blaze of glory.
83: In general glory is a waste of life.
84: For some reason aliens may want to invade to eat humans. This makes no sense based on size and time to mature, but if they do try I will instead offer them a large stock of more traditional livestock, feed plants and a manual on animal husbandry.
85: I will learn to spot the tell tale signs of intelligence species that I can negotiate with and beasts that I cannot negotiate with.
86: If I am told by my incredibly advanced and intelligent alien buddy that I cannot negotiate with an alien species I will assume he is correct, but try anyway, just in case.
87: All guard posts will be manned by no less than 3 people. So that if one is in the loo and one gets shot, I still have one to raise the alarm.
88: Any equipment failures are to be considered an emergency until proven otherwise.
Medical
89: All members must undergo a weekly physical examination to guard against alien infiltration.
90: All members will have their DNA on record.
91: All members will have a sub-dermal microchip fitted. This will not be for identification (as they will assume) but as a guard against shape-shifters or clones, as these can only rarely replicate inorganic components as well.
91a: These microchips will be manufactured exclusively in house by a team of several dozen randomly selected engineers to avoid them being used to infiltrate me.
92: Whilst dealing with uncatalogued organisms and chemicals a total quarantine of the are will be maintained.
93: Autopsy is the LEAST efficient way to gather data about an alien's physiology and capabilities.
94: I will develop a technique to find out if people are under hypnotic control. It will be used regularly.
95: If I wish to use aliens for medical experiments I will at the very least conduct proper animal testing to make sure that they do not have effects such as horrible parasites that hatch inside the victims, alien mind control or other side effects.
96: All agents will have regular psychological checks.
96a: From real psychologists with more care and attention than a school councillor.
97: Alien Sex is Danger Sex.
98: There is no reason to even assume that human and alien physiologies are compatible. I will therefore not eat or drink anything until I have had a full toxicity scan run.
99: My rules on technology I can replicate and understand only goes double on medical technology. Open minded as I am there is no room in the organisation for pregnant men.
100: No medical experimentation on my employees. Especially without their consent. I do not ask for trouble.
101: All medical techniques I do reverse-engineer will undergo at least as stringent testing as normal medicine before implementation.