The Third War of Haberdashery

[Kalbereth]

Well, since The Third War of Haberdashery is now in full swing on the SG Forum, here is a clor-coded guide to all the terms involved, to keep people enlightened.

We have -

The Third War of Haberdashery - The war itself

The Lord of the Hats - This is a poster formerly known as El Jaspero, who was once involved with The Feud. Also the whole Dark Lord and stuff.

The Dashing Straw Boater to Rule Them All - The Lord of the Hats's most powerful weapon. It must be destroyed to save humanity.

The Companionship of the Hat - The brave warriors carrying the Straw Boater to the fiery pits of doom in the land of Floordor.

The Fezgul - The foul captains of the Lord of the Hats's army

The Last Alliance of Pants and Spats - The army forming for the Forces of Light

The Forces of Darkness - well duh

The Forces of Light - Really, it should be obvious...

The Companionship of the Hat

shiremaid - Our leader, the Grey Halfling
Kalbereth (me) - Skilled ranger and forgotten king
Tharj Treesmighter - Warrior prince of Fondor
Lilly - half-pint bearer of The One Dashing Straw Boater to Rule Them All

Note - Do these computers just suck, or can you guys see the glow around "Forces of Light"?

[Mas_Sinoda]

Maybe people should post, and say who they are, and what sides they're on, so we can get all that cleared up? You know, make things official...

[Shiremaid]

Very well.

I am Shiremaid, elected leader of the Companionship of the Hat (Caw's idea!).

[The Prince of Cats]

I am Grima Hat-Tongue; advisor to the king, suitor to everyone's hot sister and ally to Fedoruman (only, don't tell the king about the last two...)

[Tharj TreeSmiter]

I am Tharj TreeSmighter and Warrior Prince of Fondor (yes we are dwarves now!)

I wear one of the dwarven hats of power the "Fedora of Fickle Fame"

I seek the hat to protect my people and am easily swayed by pretty hats! But support "TCOTH"

[Mas_Sinoda]

I am Mas_Sinoda, former Fezghoul but have changed my ways.

Now I am the representitive of Bunny in The Last Alliance
I am Path Finder of The Companionship now, since I know the lay of the land in Floordor.

[Lianae]

I'm Lianae, Lady Pirate of Doom and the 7th Fezgul

[Edmund]

I'm King Carlos of Sombrerohan, one of the leaders of the Last Alliance of Pants and Spat.

[Mew_Keere]

Shako-lob minion to Lord of the Hats

The hat has you

[blackfox]

I'm BlackFox (duh) and I'm Lilly's Official Motivator. Which means I crack terrible jokes and puns all day long and run towards .Floordor, and hope she doesn't kill me. I also poke around Visorgard, Fondor, and Floordor from time to time.

[Bil123]

Bil123 Lord of the Fezgul. I was swayed by the Lord of the Hats and his Sweet Hats

HHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHH

0000 0000
/
/__
__________
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Yeah it's a hat. My hat.

[Tharj TreeSmiter]

I thought lord of the Fezgul was Malachi's job or is there division amongst the followers of the Hat?

[Hoseki]

I am Hoseki. I represent Bob, keeper of the second rabid bat, and his interests in this war of Haberdashery. We are currently accepting letters of conversion via PM.

[Roland St. Jude]

I am, of course, Fedoruman, formerly RolandStJ the White, a minion associate of the Lord of the Hats.

I rule from my tower, I'monguard, and have raised a great army of frenzied orcs, the mighty Skullcap'Hai. Really, see... (http://www.giantitp.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl?board=silly;action=display;num=1128997282; start=525#525).

"We have only to remove those spat lovers who oppose us." - Fedoruman

[wookiesnot]

I am the Bowlerog, an antcient evil beast who... well, actually I'm kinda stuck in a cave right now, funny story, ya see there were these dwarves and... oh yeah, I am a former minion of The Lord of the Hats dead master and... um, I guess that's it.

[Chris the Pontifex]

i'm 'Elmet (couldnt find anything nearer) sercret wearer of the toque blanche, also i own a beanantír

oh and i'm second in command for the forces of light and currently occupied with defending one of the last strongholds of the pants.

that and my daughter won't come to the hangers, but rather marry some spat

[Adghar]

"of the toque blanche"

de la toque blanche?

< Fezgul #6

[Charity]

Charity Fezgul#2, second only to the lich king Malachi.
I do the dirty work opposing the ineffectuals forces of light.

hobbies include stamping hobbits beneath my booted feet, torture, both physical and psychological, vogon poetry, karaoke and raising undead legions.

[The_Beast_Rabban]

Time to sort this out a bit.

The Fezgul are appointed and commanded by our master The Lord of the Hats & our Dread Lord, Malachi the Witch-King.

To my knowledge there are currently 8 Hatwraiths

1 Malachi the Witch-King, Dread lord of the Fezgul
2 Charity
3 The Beast Rabban
4 Ghost of a Shadow
5 Mas Sinoda Traitor Hatwraith Alarra
6 Fezgul #6 (formerly Adghar)
7 Lianae, Lady Pirate of Doom
8 Antimus


This is by no means the complete list of The Hatlord's minions employees purely the Fezgul


Edit - to allow Alarra to take her rightful place in the ranks of The Fezgul

[Kalbereth]

Well, I am now Arakal, banished ranger and forgotten king of Fondor. I come back to claim my rights and lead Fondor in the Last Alliance of Pants and Spats the great sword Handuril at my side.

[Beleg-Ring]

Sir Cheezball, the noble Rubber chicken of -100 atk wielding Bard with extremely annoying songs, one of the few who can truely counter the Fezgul by annoying them to death,since the Fezgul are suppousedly powerful and unharmable by normal means.

I represent myself,and my imaginary friend Bob.(apparently,they did't post anyone to my battilion i'm suppoused to lead.)
NOW TO SAVE THE WORLD I GO!!

I belong to the noble pants people,but am in the LAST ALLIANCE of Pants and Spats.

[Alarra]

Time to sort this out a bit.

The Fezgul are appointed and commanded by our Dread Lord, Malachi the Witch-King.

To my knowledge there are currently 8 Hatwraiths

1 Malachi the Witch-King, Dread lord of the Fezgul
2 Charity
3 The Beast Rabban
4 Ghost of a Shadow
5 Mas Sinoda - Traitor Hatwraith
6 Fezgul #6 (formerly Adghar)
7 Lianae, Lady Pirate of Doom
8 Antimus


This is by no means the complete list of The Hatlord's minions employees purely the Fezgul


Actually...I'm the fifth Fezgul/Hatwraith...and they're appointed by the Hatlord, not the lord of the fezgul.

[El Jaspero, the Pirate King]

The Forces of Darkness Roll Call

Lord of the Hats: Evil Overlord and CEO, creator of the One Dashing Straw Boater to Rule Them All.

Malachi: Witch-King of the Hatwraiths, Chieftain of the Fezgul
His cohort:
Charity: Fezgul #2
The Beast Rabban: Fezgul #3
Ghost of a Shadow: Fezgul #4
Alarra: Fezgul #5
Adghar: Fezgul #6
Lianae: Fezgul #7, Lady-Pirate of Doom
Antimus: Fezgul #8
Ragnarok: Fezgul #9

RolandStJ: Fedoruman, traitorous wizard; creator of the Skullcap'Hai

Prince_of_Cats: Grima Hat-Tongue, agent of Fedoruman, presently giving excellent advice to the Last Alliance of Pants and Spats

Mew_Keere: Shako-lob, the Watcher in the Darkness

wookiesnot: the Bowlerog, waiting for tasty adventurers in the Mines of Snoria under the Musty Mountains.

ariel: looking to get her Birthday Hat back.

TheGreatJabu: Derg-Dug McStevens, stunt orc


I'll keep this updated as we gain villains employees; please contact me or Malachi if you're interested in joining.

[Malachi, the Lich King]

Actually...I'm the fifth Fezgul/Hatwraith...and they're appointed by the Hatlord, not the lord of the fezgul.


Well, we've both appointed Fezgul but the LotH has the final say. Because we're down to one last Fezgul to appoint, interested villainous scum parties should send the Lord of the Hats a PM. I just don't want to cause any confusion if someone asks him and then someone different asks me at the same time.

Also, while it might be from the prelude, I think we should recruit a Smaug just for kicks.

EDIT- Hello, *Lawful* evil. We'll kick the patootie out of Chaotic Good in the organization dept every day of the year. ;)
l
l
V

[Shiremaid]

It is probably a bad sign that the forces of darkness are so much better organized than theforces of light...

As far as I can recall....

The Companionship of the Hat
Shiremaid the Ecru - Leader, recently returned from being eaten
Lilly - hatbearer
Blackfox - motivator of the hatbearer
Caw - mascot
Arakal - member, and lost king of Fondor
Tharj - warrior and wearer of a fedora of power
Sir Cheezball - member

Last Alliance of Pants and Spats and Other Allies
Fnord - leader of the Alliance
Elmet - wearer of the toque blanche
Mas_Sinoda - formerly of the fezgul, now our path finder
King Carlos - king of sombrerohan
Geode - ally
Jacklu - ally

If i have forgotten you, got you wrong, or you want to join, pm me and I'll fix it

[storybookknight]

I am Sparamir, knight unassociated with either the Companionship of the Hat or the Lord of the Hats, but who blames the Companionship for his brother's death. He has a bald spot on the top of his head, and is just barely able to resist the temptation of the Dashing Straw Boater to Rule Them All. Eventually, he realizes that his brother, with a larger bald spot, must have been more susceptible to the lure and succumbed....

[Tharj TreeSmiter]

Just wait evil always double crosses itself. One day Malachi will tire of eating dwarfs and halflings and try to seize power from LOTH

[TheGreatJabu]

Derg-Dug McChapeau: Orcish stuntman. Since the forces of evil lack a large standing army, Derg-Dug is responsible for quickly changing outfits and sprinting from battle scene to battle scene, being thrown off of cliffs and stabbed by the Companionship of the Hat. He does this to trick people into thinking the small-numbered Orcish Committee looks more like a REAL Horde.

In his spare time he tries to sell his autobiography, entitled "Behind the Bloodshed: My Life As A One-Orc Army". It's been given rave reviews by those who aren't fluent in Orcish.

[Mew_Keere]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v24/mew130/dsb.gif

is that the one?

[Kalbereth]

No. Lilly holds the One Boater, it canno dash about on its own.

[wookiesnot]

but it is a dashing straw boater...

ah puns, you truely are the highest form of comedy.

[Mas_Sinoda]

That was the best one I've seen/heard/you get the point yet

[Bil123]

Ok since I'm not any of the good things Evil Dudes I'll be Bilatar & Bilando the skitsifranic (sp.) Grey Wizard who traveled off into the south to try to sway the Hatadrum.

[Beleg-Ring]

heh.So...lilly has to CHASE the DASHING Straw Boater to rule them all while carrying it??
poor lilly.holding a struggling hat longing to return to the Hatlord.

[Kalbereth]

I stab my sword into the hat, and even if it can't break the hat, it can pin it to the ground. I then beat the hat into unconsciousness. Much easier this way.

[Beleg-Ring]

I know i'm breaking some rule somewhere by posting so soon after my previous post,but i have to say that IS a creative idea.
How bout letting me use my bardness to sing it to sleep? Less violent.Allows us the PG bit of the movie market.

[Charity]

Don't let him sing NO SINGING

[Strategia]

Is this war actually being fought (game-wise) somewhere or is it incorporeal, like The Feud?

[blackfox]

*stab*
Did you feel that? So did El Jaspero, many times over. The Feud is not incorporial; however, I will agree that this war is kind of like the feud in how it's fought.

[The_Beast_Rabban]

Then you won't mind if I do this *stab* :D

[Antimus]

Or if I do this *stab* *stab*

[Bil123]

Then how does this feel *nothing* *nothing*. Mwhaahhahahhahah or something like that.
Oh yeah we're on neither side because we don't really well fight that much we just kinda sit around probably we're not quite sure yet.

[HHLoneWolf]

Smaug.... I can do Smaug

although I'd better re-read The Hobbit if I'm going to make a go of it

and all my books are packed til after the move

so... I'll be a somewhat poor Smaug to start with, but like fine wine, I'll get better with age

[Beleg-Ring]

gosh.that almost turned this thread into ANOTHER -insert music note thingy- STABBITY STAB STAB -insert music note thingy- Death thread.

well...*sings really loudly and annoyingly*

WAHAHAHA!!! VICTORY IS MINE!!!

[bingo_bob]

Smaug.... I can do Smaug

although I'd better re-read The Hobbit if I'm going to make a go of it

and all my books are packed til after the move

so... I'll be a somewhat poor Smaug to start with, but like fine wine, I'll get better with age




No! I took that a couple of days ago. Unofficially at least.

From here on out, let me be referred to as 'Faug', who merely wants everyone's gold, though he is working more for the evil side. (Makes me glad I've got that all stuck in my head.)

[ghost]

I am ghost of a shadow ,Fezgul #4 FEAR me!oh....this is for all good people.*stabbity**stab**stab*...oh man that felt good!MUAHhaHAhaHAH!!!

[Mas_Sinoda]

Is the War over? I've been gone for a little, and it seems done..

[Shiremaid]

It's not over, I just htink a lot of the players haven't been around for a day or too
However, Ghost of s shadow seems to be stalking me over it...

[wookiesnot]

yeah, I probably should get the ol' stabbing arm ready and sharpen up pointy.

does stabbing work the biceps or triceps more?

[ghost]

it goes through the hip, using your body in a stabbing movement..here let me stab the person who is nearest to us..Shiremaid (I'm not stalking you just happend to be in the wrong place at the wrong time) *stab* *stab*

[HHLoneWolf]

No! I took that a couple of days ago. Unofficially at least.

From here on out, let me be referred to as 'Faug', who merely wants everyone's gold, though he is working more for the evil side. (Makes me glad I've got that all stuck in my head.)

whatever you say Bob

would have been nice if you'd actually SAID something since it was mentioned to me via a PM and I saw no response here

enjoy

[Kalbereth]

Hmmm. I seem to be behind on things. How goes the war?

[Malachi, the Lich King]

whatever you say Bob

would have been nice if you'd actually SAID something since it was mentioned to me via a PM and I saw no response here

enjoy

Eh, Vet's day has suspended the frenquency of some posters. Not sure who El J penciled in as Smaug on his list.....

By the by, Arakal, it goes quite well, for *US*!!!
*STAB!!!*

[Shiremaid]

Ignore him Arakal, he's deluding himself, it is going quite well for us!

[Ragnarok]

Oh really? *STAB! STAB! STABSTABSTABSTAB! STAB!* The ninth fezgul has slain you, and good riddance!

As you may have guessed, I am the ninth fezgul.

[Mas_Sinoda]

*KICK WITH CLEATS!* oh, sorry.
I think there is a temporary cease-firestab

[Lianae]

Awww, why?
Actually I did notice that LotH is back to ElJaspero

[The_Beast_Rabban]

That would just be a clever ploy to keep The Companionship wrong footed.

[Lianae]

Ahh...I like it!

Wait, should you have said that?!

[The_Beast_Rabban]

It could just be a double bluff though!!

Then again if that is the case maybe I shouldn't of said that either ???

Now I don't know which is true never mind them ;D

[Strategia]

Sooooo, seems to me that you need a new Lord of the Hats..... I could bring up a list of qualifications and references if you're interested ;) mwuahahahaha

[Beleg-Ring]

actually,to be the Hatlord,you need to:
1. Wield the dashing straw boater for a few centuries of terror.
2.Oppress the people in that reign of terror.
3.Have a major's degree in Evil Overlording
4.have had to minor in at least one of the following-->Minion breeding/terrorizing/hero slaying/the construction of weapons of mass destruction
5.Get the Fezguls' approval.
6.Become my sworn enemy for not yielding to me my +100 flaming burst rubber cow of doom.

Do you qualify?

[Kalbereth]

Do weapons of Math Instruction count? I have a lot of those.

[blackfox]

Didn't anyone notice what happened in Mount Gloom last night? There was some screaming and stabbity noises. Then it sounded like something was being set on fire. Then you heard a splash, right? Well, guess who that was! Yep, that's right, El Jaspero. I don't know how he got up there or how he was stupid enough to fall prey to a simple geas spell, but he died of massive stabbification and liquidation last night. It's all in The Feud... You see, I'd had a lot of practice. Now, if Lilly would get up here, I wouldn't have to come up with all these crummy puns.

[The_Beast_Rabban]

Now, if Lilly would get up here, I wouldn't have to come up with all these crummy puns.

Please do it would be in your best interests :D

[wookiesnot]

Yeah, even I am running out of hat-Puns, and I was (briefly) an english major.

yes this the first good use I have found for it.

[Bil123]

Another Qualifacation is that you must have been an evil Minion to Lord Hatgoth the Tidied eneimy.

[bingo_bob]

whatever you say Bob

would have been nice if you'd actually SAID something since it was mentioned to me via a PM and I saw no response here

enjoy

Now you made me feel guilty.

Actually, you didn't. What I did was pretty unjustified, and I don't post in the SMBG much anyways. You take it.

[Tharj TreeSmiter]

So did we destroy the hat and I missed it? Or has Lord of Hats/El Jasperro simply tired of being the leader of evil?

[Mas_Sinoda]

Maybe we should just say it was lost so we can bring it up again someday...

[Shiremaid]

I'm all for declaring it lost so it can be resurrected without undue effort someday.

[Geode]

Perhaps Shiremaid could ask Lilly to "Keep it safe, and keep it secret!" (FOTR) for the time being.

[Mew_Keere]

Shako-lob is on Hiatus deep in her cave becasue her workplace burnt down and she has to go looking for a job for the upcoming hioliday season. If you'd liek to leave a messa-- *BEEP*

[but for real thats what happened sorry I haven't posted, be back soon I hope.]

[Lianae]

I agree. The hat was "lost". Or hidden ;)

[Strategia]

One cannot hide the Straw Boater from the Lord of Darkness.....

(who said I didn't have a Master's Degree in Evil Overlording? Who said I haven't reigned in terror for hundreds of years? Who said I never built weapons of mass destruction? Ever hear of Space Empires?)

[Beleg-Ring]

Another Qualifacation is that you must have been an evil Minion to Lord Hatgoth the Tidied eneimy.

Well...this ain't THAT important.After all,i need a Dark Lord of Hats to annoy and vent my anger on...And this is kinda hard to get.

And say,did mount gloom just re-ignite?
I say a new Hatlord just took up residence there...

*gets out rubber chicken and +100 flaming burst rubber cow*

[Kalbereth]

*mutters*

Fine. I'll just go off and be my regular old ranger-self again. Call me when you need me!

[Malachi, the Lich King]

So, people seem to be fine with a hiatus then? If that is the case we can put it on the back shelf and resurrect it if people so choose. When the Lord of the Hats feels so inclined to begin his search again perhaps we can orchestrate a more definitive ending. Its been a great running joke to this point and I'd hate to see it just tail off and never come to a solid conclusion but a joke can get tired too.

[The_Beast_Rabban]

Then I will return my horse and wyvern to Macy Margul and clear out my room. Time to go back to tormenting pixies instead of hobbits (their just crunchier).

I will await the call of The Hatlord to resume the search.

If the forms arrive to claim mileage please forward them on to my lair.

Thanks for all the Dry Roasted Pixie Brains (suppose this means I have to buy my own now :))

[Roland St. Jude]

Well, I checked with the UPL (United Paladins' League), and apparently I can't get my Paladinhood back. Something about alignment violations, dealings with infernal forces, and lack of atonement. I guess that's ok, but I am going to miss that horse. I did get this nice tower and monstrous humanoid army out of it.

So get used to the new and improved (and morally ambiguous) Roland St. Jude.

[Mas_Sinoda]

Farewell Hat and all the games that spawned from it. Perhaps we shall see you again someday, so we can destroy you... The world will never be the same since your coming though... At least we have this collection of knowledge of The Hat so pixies will be able to understand....

May all participators at least have something about this in their signature.

[Shiremaid]

Then it is official. Lilly,
"Keep it hidden, keep it safe" and we will call it out when we decide the board needs an inside joke again. Round 1 was fun

[ghost]

the war shall continue....







a long time from now in a galaxy far far away






*hint* *hint*

[Malachi, the Lich King]

the war shall continue. a long time from now in a galaxy far far away
*hint* *hint*

Not a bad idea but I think these things need to just sort of 'happen'. If people pick up on it, awesome. For myself, I'm good with a break from such a board-wide running joke but in a couple of weeks or so could be up for another round of homagic silliness. ;) Still,.... DIBS ON VADER!!!! :D

[wookiesnot]

I guess this is it, and I never got crispify any halflings. I would cry if my tears didn't evaporate on contact with me...

unless this is just a clever plot by the forces of good! ha the jig is up!

[El Jaspero, the Pirate King]

I have to say, Darth Malachi has a nice ring to it.

[Tharj TreeSmiter]

I always wanted the empire to win, does that make me evil?

[Shiremaid]

Probably. ~note to self, watch Star Wars again~

[Kalbereth]

Muahahaha. If this is the case, then the role of Kal Kett is officially taken. Who wants to be hunted?

[El Jaspero, the Pirate King]

I get to be the Eternal Extra...the guy that rushes in and says, "Commander the shields are failing!" right before the bridge blows up, stuff like that.

[Thrune]

I get dibs on Emporor's Hand #493. It's a parody after all...

[Mas_Sinoda]

Yoda dibs on, I have.

About it, think you should. Master Yoda = Master Sinoda?

[Malachi, the Lich King]

I get to be the Eternal Extra...the guy that rushes in and says, "Commander the shields are failing!" right before the bridge blows up, stuff like that.

Heh, you get to be the mailman from Cheers then. I think he was in 'Empire' back in the day....

EDIT: That's right, John Ratzenberger. Couldn't think of his name at the time....

[Tharj TreeSmiter]

Ooo ooo I get to be ewok #45 you know the one that dies and the other one cries over... wait let me think about my selection some more...

I think I have to be evil this time, it's so much more fun, so I have dibs on the EMPEROR himself! I'll change my name to Tharj JediSmiter or whatever we change jedi to yedi or somthing

-EDIT- oohh Tharj Sidious that does sound nice!

[El Jaspero, the Pirate King]

I'll change my name to Tharj JediSmiter or whatever we change jedi to yedi or somthing

No way: Tharj Sidious all the way.

And wow...John Ratzenberger was in The Empire Strikes Back. Makes me want to go watch it and see who "Maj. Bren Derlin" is.

[Mas_Sinoda]

Wahoo! I can't wait to get revenge on Tharj without worrying about being seen as a traitor.

And I like Tharj_Wookie/Ewok/Gungan (any are good)Smighter

[Shiremaid]

Yeah, definitely need to rewatch those.
I always liked C3P0 which is about the clearest memory I have of Star Wars from my childhood...

[Beleg-Ring]

Cheezadin Piewalker. WHEEEE!!!!!!!!

Gosh.This means i'll need to improve on my mastery of the Schwartz.ungh.another stupid class to attend.

[wookiesnot]

I will be oblivious gaurd #120334, from the empire strikes back, I get clubbed by a wookie.

EDIT:

or maybe I could be the copilot with a body hair problem and a speech impediment, as my screen name already implies.

[El Jaspero, the Pirate King]

*stands up, holding a piece of metal*

"Look sir, droids!"

*gets eaten by a bantha*

[Lianae]

I am to be liking the sound of "Princess Leianae" :)

[Beleg-Ring]

Soo...can we start the new thread yet?or is there some unwritten rule about how long such stuff must stay dead before being resurrected?

if so,enlighten me. Cheezadin Piewalker is willing to learn.

[The_Beast_Rabban]

The Bantha Rabban ;D

[Mas_Sinoda]

Think, I do not, that this thing, not will go on while for a.

[Hoseki]

Hos2-D2...

*Bleep bloop*

[Roland St. Jude]

Hmm, Admiral Snackbar the Calamarian Rebel?

It's a trap! :o

It's cliche, but not around here... ;D

[El Jaspero, the Pirate King]

*runs onto bridge*

"Admiral Snackbar, the reactors are overloading!"

*gets crushed by a cleaning droid*

[Malachi, the Lich King]

Heh, looks like there are a bunch of people just waiting for an excuse to have a joke Star Wars running through the silly message games. I suppose with this much dry tinder lying around sooner or later the proper spark will set it off.....

[Lianae]

But remember kids, arson is a SIN :)

[Beleg-Ring]

it's not arson when i *ahem* ACCIDENTALLY pull my +100 flaming burst rubber cow of doom's tail and she *ahem* ACCIDENTALLY shoots out a gigantic fireball which starts the you-know-what... ;)