Be careful with "your mom" jokes...

[Stormthorn]

I warn you to be careful.

I once witnessed a friendly round of insults ground to an awkward halt after dudeA said to dudeB "Your mom has a girlfriend."

Turns out that she did.

DudeA is just lucky dudeB is so easygoing.

This is my warning to you, friend.

[Ego Slayer]

"Your mom" jokes are true now. Oh noes! D:

Your mother is Chuck Norris!

*ahem*
I amuse myself when ever I throw a "your mother" comment at my brother... :smalltongue:

v: Pfft, forgot about that one. :P

[kpenguin]

Obligatory xkcd link (http://xkcd.com/366/)

[LCR]

"You're mother's so stupid, she thinks a light sabre has fewer calories"

[kpenguin]

"You're mother's so stupid, she thinks a light sabre has fewer calories"

"You're mother's so fat, Ben Kenobi said, 'that's no moon... THAT'S YO MOMMA!"

[someonenonotyou]

your mom's so stupid she wouldnt understand this joke

[PhallicWarrior]

Yo' Mamma's so stupid, she thinks y'all'r smart! :smalltongue:

[kpenguin]

My friend has a lovely way of responding to "Your mom" jokes:

"Your mom was such a poor parent that she never taught you to respect other people and their mothers."

[FdL]

My friend has a lovely way of responding to "Your mom" jokes:

"Your mom was such a poor parent that she never taught you to respect other people and their mothers."

Win. I'm gonna use this.

[Leigh]

Ah, this wonderful comeback is one that I will never tire of.
Though occasionally I do beat it with a well placed "your face" :smallbiggrin:

[Pinnacle]

I never quite understood why these are supposed to be funny.

My response is typically a straight-faced "I know that. I'm the one that has to live with her."

I'm often serious. :smalltongue:

[Phae Nymna]

"You're mother's so fat, Ben Kenobi said, 'that's no moon... THAT'S YO MOMMA!"

I LOL'd. :smallsigh: I'm a sucker for That's no Moon! jokes.

[Shraik]

I just say "Why thank you" if anyone ever says anything about my mother"

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

I was out for a stroll one day, reading, of all things, my Bible. Two teens passed me, and one felt it necessary to make a commend pertaining to my mother committing lewd acts in Hades. (His language was crude and, I believe, a quote from the Exorcist.) He was not expecting my reply, which was, "Oh, thank goodness she found gainful employment!" :smallbiggrin:

[Lyesmith]

Overcompensating has some great Momma jokes.
"Your momma is so fat, they had to identify a new species to classify her. Yomomma giganticus".
"Yo momma is so corrupt, they take the bibles out of motel rooms when she checks in"
"Your momma's so fat, she's going to have irriversible health problems"
And another one about a twinkie, but i can't find that one just now. First one is my favourite.

[RTGoodman]

Oh, how I do love a good "your mom!" joke.

But seriously, be careful with 'em. Several years back I was hanging out with some friends and a great opportunity came up to pull a "your mom" on one of them. After I said it, she looked right at me and just said, "Dude, my mom's dead." I laughed and said, "Yeah, I bet." It was at that point someone else there pointed out that, in fact, her mom had died from cancer about 12 years before. :smallfrown: Thankfully, she wasn't offended and thought my shock at learning the truth was hilarious. :smallredface:

[Lyesmith]

Rtg, i snickered a little. I've been in the same situation as your freind there so many times. It's hi-larious (I tend not to be bothered by it. "My momma's so dead, these jokes are irrelevant."

[KBF]

"My momma's so dead, these jokes are irrelevant."

You win. You win more than a nobel peace prize, the internet or teh universe.

You win 'your mom' jokes of all forms. That is the single greatest 'your mom' joke ever, and by merely saying it, you prove how awesome you are.

[Serpentine]

I don't know that I'd quite go that far, but it did make me snigger quietly.

[SDF]

Oh, how I do love a good "your mom!" joke.

But seriously, be careful with 'em. Several years back I was hanging out with some friends and a great opportunity came up to pull a "your mom" on one of them. After I said it, she looked right at me and just said, "Dude, my mom's dead." I laughed and said, "Yeah, I bet." It was at that point someone else there pointed out that, in fact, her mom had died from cancer about 12 years before. :smallfrown: Thankfully, she wasn't offended and thought my shock at learning the truth was hilarious. :smallredface:

Same thing happened to me.

*something about being with your mom*
"My mom is dead..."
"... Well... I guess that explains the lack of effort"

And before you ask, yes I do value comedy over my friends feelings. <_<

[Tom_Violence]

"Your momma's so fat, she's going to have irriversible health problems"


That one definitely got a good laugh out of me. Sad thing is I really want to use it on my girlfriend (since she uses them on me all the time), but her mum actually does have such health issues.


You win. You win more than a nobel peace prize, the internet or teh universe.

You win 'your mom' jokes of all forms. That is the single greatest 'your mom' joke ever, and by merely saying it, you prove how awesome you are.

I think I concur with Serpentine - 'twas funny, but lets keep our hands to ourselves, etc. :smalltongue:

[sktarq]

For years I failed top see the humour in this class of joke, then I did not sleep for about 40 hours, and suddenly they were funny. Several of my friends found similar awake periods when they suddenly found a new hilarity to them aswell. We can thus tell people how long we have been up by "It's your mom time." and "It's a little past your mom time".

[averagejoe]

I amuse myself when ever I throw a "your mother" comment at my brother... :smalltongue:

My mother tells ME "your mom" jokes. :smalleek:

But, yeah, I've been trying to cut back. They've become a conversational crutch.

[Silence]

Here's what you do. Whenever someone says a "your mom" joke, reply, in total seriousness "I don't have a mom. She died an a car accident three years ago."

They freak out.

[darkblade]

"Yo Mama is so stupid she tells her kids 'Yo Mama' jokes."

Considering my realationship with my Mother I'd agree with most "Yo Mama" joke that are used on me.

[averagejoe]

Here's what you do. Whenever someone says a "your mom" joke, reply, in total seriousness "I don't have a mom. She died an a car accident three years ago."

They freak out.

Well, I've always thought that one has to purify oneself before entering into the realm of humor for personal attacks. That's why one needs to respond to such statements by saying things like, "Well, she was still pretty fat," or, "Really? Did her pimp cause the accident?"

They freak out.

Edit: Not that I have anything per se against prostitutes; such things are simply stereotypical fare for "your mom" jokes. So I apologize to any prostitutes who might have been offended by that statement.

[de-trick]

I really cant have ur momma jokes fights, cause my mom passed away a while back ago and people think I get affended by ur momma jokes, but i'm cool with it. Its worse when they forget about it and start apologizing about it.

[Haruki-kun]

Once, a few friend's and I played a game in which we could see who could go the longest without saying anything around the word "mother". (It's a very versatile word in Spanish. :smalltongue:)

I was only the second one to lose. The other guy lost twice before I lost again.

[Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll]

Your momma so's fat, she's obese! (and variations)
Yo Momma so's fat, astronomers regularly mistake her for Jupiter!
Yo Momma so's fat, she has her own gravity.

And, my friends favourite.
Yo Momma so's fat, when she jump for joy, she get STUCK! (Imagine it said in a light nasal tone, with the last 3 words said on a much higher note than the others.)

[Silence]

Technically, all people have gravity.

[Collin152]

Technically, all people have gravity.

But its so overtly nerdy to proclaim she has a notable gravity.

[Pinnacle]

"Yo' momma's so fat that her gravitational field retains relevance even on an interplanetary scale."

I dunno, it sounds fine to me.

[Tom_Violence]

Came across this. Had to come here. http://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/20080713.gif

[truemane]

My personal favourites:

"Yo mamma's like a casino: liquor in the front, poker in the back." (you have to read this one out loud for full effect)

"Yo mamma's so nasty, she goes to the barber, asks for a trim, and opens her shirt."

"Yo mamma's so stupid, it takes her a half-hour to cook minute rice."

"Yo mamma's so ugly, when she takes a shower, it's like Gorillas in the Mist."

"Yo mamma's so fat, when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up."

"Yo mamma's so stupid, when she heard a movie was only for 18 and up, she made sure she brought 17 friends."


And I sympathise with the joke/no-joke issue when it comes to deceased parents. It's such a personal issue. I had a co-worker lose his father, and the next day at work was more upset that everyone was walking around him on tenterhooks (you know, I don't think I've ever actually typed that word out before) than he was anything else. He's a guy who copes with EVERYTHING with humour.

So every now and again, when I was talking to him, I would pause and say "Hey, man, how's your Dad?" And he would adopt a suitably mournful expression and say "He's dead." Or maybe just shake his head and do a thumbs-down. And then we'd both laugh at everyone's shocked and apalled expressions.

[Vaynor]

At outdoor school, one of the kids saw a bug or something on the ground that was dead and pointed that out, saying "poor bug it died" or something (I forget the exact situation, it was 6 years ago) and a counselor walking past went "your mom died!" upon which the girl ran off crying - her mom had died a few weeks earlier. :smalleek:

[Thiel]

iGoogle showed me this quote when I started Firefox today:
"My mother never saw the irony when she called me a son of a bitch"

[Silence]

My personal favourites:

"Yo mamma's like a casino: liquor in the front, poker in the back." (you have to read this one out loud for full effect)

"Yo mamma's so nasty, she goes to the barber, asks for a trim, and opens her shirt."

"Yo mamma's so stupid, it takes her a half-hour to cook minute rice."

"Yo mamma's so ugly, when she takes a shower, it's like Gorillas in the Mist."

"Yo mamma's so fat, when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up."

"Yo mamma's so stupid, when she heard a movie was only for 18 and up, she made sure she brought 17 friends."

Those are bloody hilarious! I'm writing those down.

[MR.PIXIE]

Yo' mamma's so ugly... When she dead an burried,
corpses rise from the grave to get away

[Serpentine]

At outdoor school, one of the kids saw a bug or something on the ground that was dead and pointed that out, saying "poor bug it died" or something (I forget the exact situation, it was 6 years ago) and a counselor walking past went "your mom died!" upon which the girl ran off crying - her mom had died a few weeks earlier. :smalleek:XD Oh no. Good one.

[Bayar]

Yo' mamma's so ugly... When she dead an burried,
corpses rise from the grave to get away

Oh god, this was a funny one.

[MR.PIXIE]

Oh god, this was a funny one.

Yeah.. Can you imagin that funeral!

[Collin152]

...captained by a man so evil, that hell itself spat him back out.

Yeah, it made me think of that.

[RandomNPC]

as good as some of these are i never really used the "yor mom" line of jokes, and when people used them on me i'd say "oh look at me i'm so unoriginal i make fun of peoples moms"

usually worked

[Pyro]

"Yo' momma's so fat that her gravitational field retains relevance even on an interplanetary scale."

I dunno, it sounds fine to me.

Hehe I love verbose jokes. For some reason this one amused much more than any of the others in this thread.

[Purple Cloak]

This thread reminded me of a scene in Yu-gi-oh abridged that went more or less like this.

Evil bear: Your Mother plays card games in hell!

'Florence': I know, I killed her!

Evil Bear: Oh....

[ColonelFuster]

Yo momma so dumb, when the weatherman said it was gonna be chilly, she ran outside WITH A SPOON! OH SNAP!!

But really, it's the well placed "that's what yo momma said last night" comments that really get me, especially when they insult the person saying it.

(discussing movie)
Me: Maybe I would have liked it more if you weren't farting the entire time!
Friend: THAT'S WHAT YO MOMMA SAID LAS' NIGHT! OH SNAP!!

(Discussing blood-taking needle)
Me: It's so small I can barely see it, much less feel it.
Friend: THAT'S WHAT YO MOMMA SAID! Oh snap!

[Jayngfet]

I warn you to be careful.

I once witnessed a friendly round of insults ground to an awkward halt after dudeA said to dudeB "Your mom has a girlfriend."

Turns out that she did.

DudeA is just lucky dudeB is so easygoing.

This is my warning to you, friend.

This is why I excluded sexual references in my yo mamma jokes, my friends are easy going anough on race, religion, politics and everything so much that it doesn't really affect me because I have a host of other material.