View Full Version : A sonnet

2006-09-23, 11:50 AM
The sun is shining bright.
Light comes into our homes.
Yellowing our tomes.
There comes the light.

It is a wonderfull sight.
To see the children gnomes.
Playing in their snow domes.
There is no fright.

Suddenly the sun sets.
Darkness has appeared.
To sleep go our pets.

This time has been feared.
And has come against all bets.
Away it can't be steered.

2006-09-24, 12:19 PM
Nice use of the Italian, and good modest turn.

1) Your lines, while concise, are very short. You have many options open up if you just go a little father.

2) and going farther can be made easier by Enjambments (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enjambment). As you have, end stopping all of your lines hurts the reader unless you are making bold, hard statements with each. The tone before the turn just isn't very supported by your decision.

The best advice I've gotten about sonnets is to think of each syllable as an oppurtunity. Don't waste them with 'the usual'. Sonnets have been around forever, and many people have done many things.

But there is still a whole lot you can bring to this piece. It stands decently on it's own, just push.