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celestialkin
2008-08-15, 11:14 AM
I recently had my first one of these incidents. With less than a year of DMing under my belt I am guessing I will see quite a few more.

Backstory:
-I made Death/The Grim Reaper a Greater deity in my campaign, who personally visits each PC upon their death as a skeletal male member of their species in black robes (or similar clothing, such as tattered black armor for a dwarf).
-Player C is becoming a vampire. He is using the Racial Progression from Savage Species, and the Wizards.com articles. (He got it earlier that session in STD form from a dominatrix bearded dwarf female [see the Book of Erotic Fantasy for those STD rules].)
-I had introduced hemp earlier on in that session.
-Player C is a ghetto + weeaboo + Dave Chapel funny Africa American.

So, the player just contracted the STD the night before they set off on an organ-trail journey across the continent, and had just obtained enough XP to gain the first level in his racial progression. When he woke up that day he noticed his heart had stopped beating. After some comic role-playing between the group and NPCs, that night I told him that he was feeling a "thirst".

He decided to go off into the woods alone hunting (he is also a Silver Dragon from the dragon racial progressions in Dragon #320...). Scene jumps to the dragon having his front claws on the carcass of a recently slain dire boar, it's body still warm as the dragon is biting into it's neck, blood dripping from the creatures neck to a small puddle on the ground. Suddenly the dragon notices (spot + listen check) that all the sounds in the forest have suddenly gone quiet. When he looks up he sees that the trees who's leaves and branches had been being blown by the wind seem to have frozen in midair. (Spot check) he sees a humanoid figure dressed in a black robe, carrying an elegant beautifully crafted and engraved scythe, appear from the forest, slowing walking towards him.

As it gets closer he notices that the figure's face, hands, and feet are fleshless bones.

*Player C transforms back into his elf form.
Player C: "Who the **** are you?"

*The skeletal figure (and the DM...) look perplexed.
Skeletal figure: "Do you know who I am?!"

*Player C pulls out one of the joints he had rolled from the herbs he found earlier.
*Player C takes a deep puff.
Player C: "A ni**er in a robe?"
*Player C takes another deep puff.


*Everyone at table: :smalleek:

*Everyone at table then proceeds to laugh their assess off, followed by even more comedy from the stoned-out dragon managing to actually annoy/piss-off arguably the most powerful being in my homebrewed setting.

*Death has since made a sort of hobby out of this PC, and the party regularly gets confronted by undead nasties, and other adventuring parties given a "second chance" deal to whack-off that PC.




So, do any of you DMs have such stories? Have any of you players done this to your DMs?

EndgamerAzari
2008-08-15, 11:40 AM
I statted out an encounter with pirates based on the Flogging Molly song "Seven Deadly Sins." It was a non-lethal encounter, and it took the better part of a week for me put it together. The wizard in the party hit them with cone of cold and pretty much ended it then and there. I tried not to show it, but I couldn't hide how pissed off I was after that.

Hal
2008-08-15, 11:41 AM
Oh yeah, I've got one of these stories.

My players had an unfortunate habit of tearing through my encounters without breaking a sweat. I was a new DM, so this was to be expected. I got some advice and crafted an encounter with a young red dragon that would make them hurt. Out in the middle of the wastes, they'd get scorched a bit, knocked around, have their magic items stolen, and then they'd have a nice little side-quest to retrieve their gear.

Problem: I'd forgotten about my NPCs.

See, I'd made an NPC fighter with an ancestral weapon who the players were first trying to find, then who tagged along. I made it a vorpal weapon for reasons that aren't clear to me anymore. It was a largely undead campaign, I didn't think it would be an issue. On top of that, I ran him during combat, so I could pretend he wasn't using that ability if it would overwhelm the encounters.

Except, after a while, I started letting the players run him during combat because I was tired of doing 100 things at once.

I'm sure you can see where this is going.

The dragon had picked up the dwarven fighter's flaming war axe, and was going to fly off next round. They brought the NPC over, and . . . *WHACK*! Off goes his head.

That was the time I learned to stop caring about challenging players in combat.

valadil
2008-08-15, 11:50 AM
I've got a buttload of them. Too bad I can't remember them all very well.

Basically what happens is that I'll build up some huge dramatic moment, which in my mind is the pinnacle of the game. When it comes time to let the PCs react, they're not qutie sure what to do. My players are usually very good roleplayers, but the situation either leaves them bewildered or waiting for a resolution. It's like I build up a plot and carry them towards this cusp where things can go in any number of directions, and when I step back to let them resolve the situation they don't take it over and run with it. I can never blame them for it. I just need to figure out how to hand the reins of the story over to them at a moment's notice when they're expecting me to dictate the conclusion for them.

mayonase
2008-08-15, 12:27 PM
OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH yeah, I've got stories like this, some with me at the helm, some with me watching another get his soul crushed. I'll describe one of the latter ones now.

I'm a player in a campaign currently with my Brother as a DM, so I get a bit of an inside look at the campaign and listen to him vent after hours about 'what went wrong'. Case in point: Our party had been hired to escort a civilian on a train between cities, 'just in case'. As it would turn out, he had stolen from the local mafia and had a hit out against him. This manifested itself in a brief but somewhat intenst encounter involving a small group of Warforged barging into our train car before we unceremoniously threw them out of the windows into the lightning rails. We lick our wounds, and then a member of the mob approaches our cart, flanked by a few more Warforged.

DM: (Mob) "I'm only here for him. Stand aside, and I'll double your (pretty meager) fee. Stay in my way and die. Choose."
Paladin: ...OK, you can have him.
DM + Everyone Else: ...WHAT?!?!?
Paladin: It's a reasonable deal!

Buh-bye, train-top fight sequence...

celestialkin
2008-08-15, 01:10 PM
OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH yeah, I've got stories like this, some with me at the helm, some with me watching another get his soul crushed. I'll describe one of the latter ones now.

I'm a player in a campaign currently with my Brother as a DM, so I get a bit of an inside look at the campaign and listen to him vent after hours about 'what went wrong'. Case in point: Our party had been hired to escort a civilian on a train between cities, 'just in case'. As it would turn out, he had stolen from the local mafia and had a hit out against him. This manifested itself in a brief but somewhat intenst encounter involving a small group of Warforged barging into our train car before we unceremoniously threw them out of the windows into the lightning rails. We lick our wounds, and then a member of the mob approaches our cart, flanked by a few more Warforged.

DM: (Mob) "I'm only here for him. Stand aside, and I'll double your (pretty meager) fee. Stay in my way and die. Choose."
Paladin: ...OK, you can have him.
DM + Everyone Else: ...WHAT?!?!?
Paladin: It's a reasonable deal!

Buh-bye, train-top fight sequence...

Just wondering...what alignment was this paladin, and who did he worship?!

mayonase
2008-08-15, 03:48 PM
Lawful Good Dragonborn Paladin of Bahamut.

...


...


...*cough*... Yeah, he has some issues. It was actually an odd sequence: My Wizard was unconscious (poison), the Rogue tried to talk him out of it, and our Warlord wanted to negotiate for more money out of 'em. He said it was justified because the Civvie had lied to us about his involvement and that we really were returning the rightful property of the mafia. Of course, then he went and kidnapped a random farm hand for a Warlock to sacrifice to a demon patron.

Issues.

FatherMalkav
2008-08-15, 03:53 PM
Alignment in 4th is alot more open then in 3.5. The game says it's not so much morality but 'which team you play for'. Unaligned are just that, they don't care who ends up on top.

...I just sparked an alignment debate, didn't I?

hamishspence
2008-08-15, 04:02 PM
Personally, I see it as your actions determine your choice. While Unaligned can be "Evil-curious" according to Races and classes- a little underhanded or bloodthirsty, they cannot slide over the line into evil and remain unaligned.

Or: if your character is routinely committing seriously Evil deeds, they are acting in an Evil fashion rather than an unaligned fashion. They are making their choice by their actions rather than their words.

I'm not fond of the whole "unaligned characters can do anything they want, even be more evil than evil ones." That does not compute.

Hunter Noventa
2008-08-15, 04:10 PM
I wasn't the DM, but our last campaign was a touch anti-climactic, mostly because it more or less ended early. Bascially one character was duped into sacrificing herself in a massive demonic summoning ritual, and we ended up with 13 or so of these 500 foot tall hunger demons roving about the city.

Said city was suspended on cahins over a pit with an angry god building an undead army with which to storm the gates of heaven.

Anyway, our party arrived too late to stop the ritual, so we're surrounded by a metric crapton of demons, the city's airship fleet closed in...and said airships were arms with what amounted to Sphere of Annnihilation cannons. Theyt ook out about 6 or 7 of the demons...then our boss showed up.

The boss was who had tricked the wizard into the ritual...and he used it to basically become an aspect of one of the lords of hell.

It was at that point we said 'screw this' and used greater teleport to run like hell.

The DM hadn't planned for this climax to come until we were level 20...but said wizard was prettyf oolish and drew such attention that things were acclerated,w hich rather annoyed the DM.

That being said, the next campaign will be int he same world...a few thousand years later, ought to be fun.

hamishspence
2008-08-15, 04:11 PM
nothing wrong with alignment debates, as long as they stay civil.

Likely topics for 4th ed ones: how much "evil behaviour" is needed to moves omebody out of Good or Lawful Good alignment, and where do the borders lie, and does a person actually have to renounce their "side" to change all the way.

Points to make about the existing system: while being LG means you will probably be on same side as Bahamut, that generalization doesn't apply well to Evil or Chaotic evil. Lolth and Grummsh may make alliances on extremely rare, short term basis, but they and their followers are enemies much more often than they are allies.

Unaligned might not commits strongly to "Good" or "lawful good" but unaligned clerics of Good or LG deities will, since they are members of the same organization. Might interpret their "unalignedness" not as not choosing sides, but as being more willing to get their hands dirty than most of the hierarchy.

FatherMalkav
2008-08-15, 04:25 PM
All I was saying is that I don't believe there is a major penalty for changing alignments in 4ed like there was in 3rd. Not to mention there are no real threats of power loss for clerics and paladins like in 3.X.

Also the alignments are more open. In our 4e group we have both a cleric and paladin of the Raven Queen. Where the paladin has a major belief in fate and 'her will shall decide' that keeps him neutral to good and evil the cleric heals, but demands all those whom are healed make a small blood sacrifice to her each night before they lay down to sleep (he cuts their hand for 1 HP damage)

Both are neutral, but where one balances good ends with evil (or questionable) means, the other walks a road of cold uninfluenced neutrality.

hamishspence
2008-08-15, 04:31 PM
No penalty whatsoever except roleplaywise. You could be LG paladin of Bahamut, switch to CE, and retain all your powers and keep levelling. Hmm.

Dragon Mag's Wolves of maldeen had paragon path you need to be Good to qualify for. However I don't think you lose anything, or are stopped from advancing, if you change alignment.

Some combinations can lead to oddness. If DM allows CE games, and player plays CE paladin of Lolth, and takes Champion of Order paragon path, it might seem a little inconsistent. Though Elric of Melnibone was A CE guy who fought to prevent Chaos from taking over the world.

Irreverent Fool
2008-08-15, 04:42 PM
The climactic encounter of the 2nd dungeon (which was an extension of the 1st) in a campaign I had lovingly crafted for my PCs in order to challenge them based on the classes they had chosen did not end up as much of a climax.

Their primary adversary was a vampire spawn who had been sealed for centuries inside the catacombs beneath a ruined keep. He guarded the entrance to the lair of his master (a vampire sorcerer who could easily slay the entire 2nd-level party) who held an item the PCs needed to free a certain spirit. He escaped their first encounter thanks to his pet stirges slowing the party down. He retreated to a room with a chained white dragon wyrmling (kept alive in a completely rules-legal way that I won't get into here).

The plan was that the vampire spawn would engage the party while his pet wyrmling would breathe on them as often as possible. Since Vampire Spawn have Cold Resistance 10, the breath weapon would not concern him much.

Well, there was an Artificer in the party and I mistakenly didn't check on all the rules, as he's our resident "D&D lore"master and I expected him to play fair.

So he charges in with his dragonbane/vicious quarterstaff and drops the wyrmling in a single attack. (Aparently an artificer can imbue such properties to a weapon and a quarterstaff can hold two -- one on each end. Unfortunately he though he could put two on a quarterstaff and get the benefit of both.)

So thanks to my poor understanding on the Artificer class, what was supposed to be an exciting climactic encounter was little more than a harsh lesson for the DM.

Morty
2008-08-15, 05:17 PM
In my short DMing history, I've had one anti-climatic moment. I planned an encounter for the PCs -there were two of them and it wasn't D&D- that would be a turning point of the adventure -it was supposed to be quite tough. However, when the combat started, one of the enemies was instantly offed with an extremely lucky critical hit made from crossbow by a non-combatant NPC accompanying players that was supposed to provide only minimal support and was fulfilling his purpose very well. I still can't decide if it was fault of the system, myself(which would be the same, given that I designed it), or simply blind fate.

AslanCross
2008-08-15, 05:55 PM
My players were on a ship bound for the domain of a rebellious marquis who needed to be crushed. The sea route they took was infested with pirates, but they choose it over the land route since it was faster.

Naturally, pirates attack. I have the pirate wizard launch two fireballs in an attempt to slow down the PC ship. The PC wizard counterspells (which I had prepared for), but the pirate ship was much faster.

One round from contact between the two ships, the PC wizard asks if the pirate ship was in range of his fireball. It was. He blasts the deck of the pirate ship, killing almost all of the boarding party instantly. The only one left was the ogre, but he was so badly hurt that by the time he jumped over to the PC ship, he drew an AOO from the paladin and died as he landed.

We haven't played in about a month, so I'm currently waiting until this coming Thursday to see how they'd deal with the pirate captain and his personal hit team, who've taken the pirate ship around to attempt to ram the PC ship and kill everyone on board. Their sniper has already incapacitated the NPC captain and first mate.

batsofchaos
2008-08-15, 06:35 PM
I averted one in my last campaign by bending the rules. The PCs decided to assassinate the leader of a group of ogres that had chosen to live in a rock quarry that would have otherwise been advantagious to the PCs' employers. The plan as it stood was to frame his death on the rival gnoll tribe and start a small war to hopefully clean up their problems. They created a diversion and isolated the Ogre chieftain, who was supposed to put up a heck of a fight. A lucky crit in the first round would have dropped him, which was not what I was looking for as a DM; the PCs would have gotten their reward of clearing out the ogres with no effort. So a quick smudge of the hit-points on the ogre and he stayed in business for another five rounds. Just enough to give the PCs a workout and really make the reward worth it.

Was it against the rules? Yes. Did it salvage something that would have annoyed me as a DM and made the reward feel cheap? Yes. DM cheating is okay sometimes.

xelliea
2008-08-16, 04:30 AM
paladins have detect evil and that destorys a lot of decepiton polts:smallfurious::smallfurious:

Revlid
2008-08-16, 07:05 AM
paladins have detect evil and that destorys a lot of decepiton polts:smallfurious::smallfurious:

You know there are items and spells that can fool that, right?

Gaiwecoor
2008-08-16, 07:38 AM
Here's one that I didn't plan, but was involved in. First, some back story:

I was playing a halfling barbarian/scout/ranger whose tribal lands were struck by a drought and plague of undead. He was out looking for the cure. During the course of events, his father had gone missing. The rest of the party had warned him that there was a possibility that his father might have been turned, and they might find him as an undead (they had encountered others he had known). He had told them that if they did, they would have to handle it - he couldn't fight his own father.

Fast-forward. The party is in an underground complex. The scout is moving in the front, as usual, when he finds a secret door. He opens the secret door. He enters the secret door. The rest of the party keeps waking down the hallway (I doubt I'll ever figure that one out).

Once my scout is inside the room, he hears a voice come down from above ... "Hello, son."

The red eyes of his vampire daddy gaze down upon him. He (barely) makes the will save to avoid being dominated, and backs out of the room, babbling madly. As the father came out of the room, drawing his weapon, the Radiant Servant of Pelor (who was walking at the rear of the party) walks up and melts him.

That's right, folks. The DM forgot about that bonus to turning checks she got from her ranks in Knowledge (Religion). He was supposed to be unturnable.

And thus a seed planted months earlier, with great recurring villain potential, literally turned to ash. :smalleek:

Shadowtraveler
2008-08-16, 08:35 AM
Not mine, but in a group I was playing in.

We were involved in a quest to stop the machinations of Vecna. Literally. We were face to face with some giant magical machine thingy made by Vecna to change history and kill St. Cuthbert before he ascended to godhood. Unfortunately, in order to power it required the party's Psion.

(This is a 3.5 game in case you couldn't tell.)

So the Psion's down and being drained for energy, and we're in a losing battle with some demons or some such outsider, when our party Rogue remembers he has an Efreet bottle on him.

Three wishes later, the machine's dead, we're back in the main city, and we're all wearing funny hats.

Ashtar
2008-08-16, 09:34 AM
This happened to my ex-fiancée, she had planned a complete mini-campaign (took 5 weeks to plan, write, make the props, maps, fake scrolls and books), with pre-created characters (each with a 3 page background), based around the idea of the players going around and releasing ancient seals to save the world.
The problem was that every time a seal was released, the area around it was catastrophically affected (volcano eruption, tsunami, eternal cold snap falling on the land, meteor shower, ...). And what happened was that after "releasing" the third seal (of five), the players decided not to go on, preferring to leave the world to sink into eternal darkness rather that freeing all these calamities.

So basically the campaign ended with "With the last light of the stars fading, you look down on your world as it is consumed by darkness..."

Lochar
2008-08-16, 10:27 AM
Okay... Where'd my post go?

--Edit
Dang threads with similar names.

Fiendish_Dire_Moose
2008-08-16, 12:07 PM
So, in one of my games I had set up an entire scene where this evil lady would seduce the barbarian, thus effectively making the group useless. The Barb was the leader, and basically whatever he said goes. However, he avoided the entire skill challenge, this is how the scene basically played out.

Me: She rubs her shoulder up against you whispering some nonsense about limitless pleasure and pow-
Barb: (interrupting) I tell her I like men.
-awkward pause-
Me: After a moment she replies, "But, you're a barbarian. You have to like women."
Barb: "Says who?"
Me: The lady thinks a moment. "Isn't it like in your barbarian handbook or something."
Barb: "Well, it might be. But then again, it's also in our handbook that WE CAN'T READ."
-awkward pause-
Me: "But-"
Barb: "Men."
Me: "But i just-"
Barb: "Ahblahblahblah.... men."
Me: "Not even just a little?"
Barb: "NO! MEN!
Me: Having defeated the evil necromancer queen with your homosexuality, you gain 750 experience. Now kindly die in a hole."

FatherMalkav
2008-08-16, 12:31 PM
*snip*
Was it against the rules? Yes.
*snip*

It's not agains the rules. You're the DM, what you say goes. I had a similar scenario in a recent 4th game I ran. The party of level 1's were heading to pick up their reward at a fake address in the poor district of town. AS they get down there they begin to hear screams and laughter. They get there and find a flamboyantly dressed Halfling Warlock dancing on the center beams of roof tops raining eldrich blasts down on the people below, laughing all the while. The party (of about 6) all scramble into position to attack him. He was level 4 so I thought he'd up up a fight. With a ****ty init roll and about half the party using their dailies, the guy would have been paste, so I increased his HP to 100 and gave him DR2 (He was a member of an abberition cult and they all suffered mutations.)

They still dropped him in round 3 :smallyuk:

Ravyn
2008-08-16, 12:43 PM
So there's my group, at the end of a rather messy sequence during which the group has fought among themselves, fought against some earlier enemies (the BBEG's offspring), worked their way through a friend's dreamscape, engaged in a cooking contest with a demon, and just about everyone has switched sides at least twice. Now the real BBEG, the one they've been swearing to destroy in various ways, has just appeared in the doorway as they were getting ready to leave, and I'm all geared up for a combat sequence with a participant count in the teens and plenty of scenery to work off of....

....and they run away.

I suppose it was better than their usual ability to utterly hash whatever they fight in two or three rounds....

Sucrose
2008-08-16, 12:53 PM
So, in one of my games I had set up an entire scene where this evil lady would seduce the barbarian, thus effectively making the group useless. The Barb was the leader, and basically whatever he said goes. However, he avoided the entire skill challenge, this is how the scene basically played out.

Me: She rubs her shoulder up against you whispering some nonsense about limitless pleasure and pow-
Barb: (interrupting) I tell her I like men.
-awkward pause-
Me: After a moment she replies, "But, you're a barbarian. You have to like women."
Barb: "Says who?"
Me: The lady thinks a moment. "Isn't it like in your barbarian handbook or something."
Barb: "Well, it might be. But then again, it's also in our handbook that WE CAN'T READ."
-awkward pause-
Me: "But-"
Barb: "Men."
Me: "But i just-"
Barb: "Ahblahblahblah.... men."
Me: "Not even just a little?"
Barb: "NO! MEN!
Me: Having defeated the evil necromancer queen with your homosexuality, you gain 750 experience. Now kindly die in a hole."
...That is quite possibly the best thing ever. From my perspective as an uninvolved viewer, that is incredibly freaking hilarious. I can see how it would be angering for the DM, but still...wow.

May I sig your closing line?

The_Werebear
2008-08-16, 01:28 PM
I had one that ended up being quite epic, but not nearly like I planned due to one PC getting revenge at an inappropriate time. The setting of the campaign is a county that is fairly forested, in which the local druids have a fair amount of power. They are led by a NE, rather power hungry elf druidess who follows the way of being the catastrophe aspect of nature. During a local power squabble, one of that Druid's long time friends, a dwarven lumberjack gets killed. She goes on a warpath and burns the city that supplied the troops, killing dozens of women and children. The party druid (in religion, class is a hybrid Divine/Savage Bard), whom was neutral good and a student of the Druidess couldn't take any more from her. She challenged her for leadership of the druids to prevent her from making any more attacks on the towns.

The two have an epic battle in the woods. This is an E6 campaign, and is very likely to get lethal if either side scores too many devastating hits, especially with spells. The NE NPC druid gains an initial upper hand, but the NG PC Bard wears her down, and eventually manages to knock her into submission, where there is a tense scene in which the Druidess begs for the bard to kill her, and the bard refuses, knocking her unconscious instead.

Here's where it breaks down. The Party's sixteen year old drunken farmboy sniper followed and watched the battle unwind. He was already annoyed at the Druidess, because earlier on, she mentioned that she had stolen his pants out of spite once while he was drunk and asleep in her woods. He had been harboring a grudge against her ever since.

So, while the Bard is agonizing whether or not to kill her unconscious master (which violates her morals, but is probably what her master would want), the sniper walks up and begins calmly stealing the druidess' pants and sewing them into a flag that says "HAH, I got you back."

Bugged me just a tad for ruining an emotional moment.

F.L.
2008-08-16, 03:58 PM
I accidentally gave the party I dm dc 17 drow poison bolts, instead of the usual dc 13 bolts. That's ruined a lot of epic scenes...

ImperiousLeader
2008-08-16, 04:50 PM
<Snip>
Me: Having defeated the evil necromancer queen with your homosexuality, you gain 750 experience. Now kindly die in a hole."

That's awesome. I love both the ending line and the way it derailed.

celestialkin
2008-08-27, 12:10 PM
So, in one of my games I had set up an entire scene where this evil lady would seduce the barbarian, thus effectively making the group useless. The Barb was the leader, and basically whatever he said goes. However, he avoided the entire skill challenge, this is how the scene basically played out.

Me: She rubs her shoulder up against you whispering some nonsense about limitless pleasure and pow-
Barb: (interrupting) I tell her I like men.
-awkward pause-
Me: After a moment she replies, "But, you're a barbarian. You have to like women."
Barb: "Says who?"
Me: The lady thinks a moment. "Isn't it like in your barbarian handbook or something."
Barb: "Well, it might be. But then again, it's also in our handbook that WE CAN'T READ."
-awkward pause-
Me: "But-"
Barb: "Men."
Me: "But i just-"
Barb: "Ahblahblahblah.... men."
Me: "Not even just a little?"
Barb: "NO! MEN!
Me: Having defeated the evil necromancer queen with your homosexuality, you gain 750 experience. Now kindly die in a hole."


Dude, you should have had a big hulking Fabio/Conan like guy walk in afterward, place his hand on the PC's lap, and start rubbing it back-and-forth while looking into his eyes and giving a little wink.

Johel
2008-08-27, 01:03 PM
So, in one of my games I had set up an entire scene where this evil lady would seduce the barbarian, thus effectively making the group useless. The Barb was the leader, and basically whatever he said goes. However, he avoided the entire skill challenge, this is how the scene basically played out.

Me: She rubs her shoulder up against you whispering some nonsense about limitless pleasure and pow-
Barb: (interrupting) I tell her I like men.
-awkward pause-
Me: After a moment she replies, "But, you're a barbarian. You have to like women."
Barb: "Says who?"
Me: The lady thinks a moment. "Isn't it like in your barbarian handbook or something."
Barb: "Well, it might be. But then again, it's also in our handbook that WE CAN'T READ."
-awkward pause-
Me: "But-"
Barb: "Men."
Me: "But i just-"
Barb: "Ahblahblahblah.... men."
Me: "Not even just a little?"
Barb: "NO! MEN!
Me: Having defeated the evil necromancer queen with your homosexuality, you gain 750 experience. Now kindly die in a hole."

...OMG !!
Now, I have to congratulate your player for his wits.
I mean, he probably took the single only answer you wouldn't expect from a barbarian... and didn't think twice about using it... and it worked !!

only1doug
2008-08-27, 01:08 PM
Me: She rubs her shoulder up against you whispering some nonsense about limitless pleasure and pow-
Barb: (interrupting) I tell her I like men.

Evil Lady: Ok, 1 second; (slips on girdle of Femininity/Masculinity (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0009.html))
Evil Bloke: Sooo..... limitless pleasure

KazilDarkeye
2008-08-27, 02:57 PM
I created a Titanic Fiendish Bat (well, more than one, but that's another story) that was stomping around on the rofftop of the inn the PCs were staying at, and I had checked up on all the spells that the Gnome Illusionist NPC was capable of casting EXCEPT FOR ONE.

That one was Phantasmal Killer. Oops.

Prometheus
2008-08-27, 04:14 PM
Me: After a moment she replies, "But, you're a barbarian. You have to like women."
Barb: "Says who?"Apparently some members of the board have been spared from the god-awful Mad Max films...


I have the rather bad habit of laughing when I describe something supposed to be scary, intense, or gorey. I'm really not a twisted individual, I think I just laugh because I'm not supposed to or it helps break the tension.

"Although you remain hidden, you see [The four armed, gold, glowing demigod idol who has taken over the kingship of your homeland with his otherworldly power and intense cults] suddenly burst in the room and grab the guard who had been reminiscing the rule of the old king. The idol's touch burns into the guards the flesh as you and the other guard watch in horror as what once was a humanoid shape *snicker* is torn limb from limb and is render into a gorey pile of flesh, blood, and broken bones. It is promptly thrown out the window and the idol returns through the same door without so much of a word or glance to the other guard."

"You have a dramatic vision of the [Wicked ethergaunt covered with cyborg parts and electric sparks] berating the failed-scientist-ethergaunt. The cyborg-ethergaunt pulls off the scientist's mask, humiliating him before the circle of other military-professional-ethergaunts and clutches the flimsy neck of the scientist-ethergaunt, lifting him off the ground *laugh*. The scientist's ethergaunts body looks (even more) unnatural stretched out thus ,motionless, but he doesn't remain motionless very long. As the cyborg-ethergaunt shoots bolts of electricity into the scientist-ethergaunt, he is flailing in death throws from either electrocution of asphyxiation - probably both. Shortly, all that is left is a crumbled heap."

I still had to crack a smile on this one:
"The [corrupt religious leader that threw you in jail that you just broke out of and you just exposed for capturing people for ilithid parasite infestation who he had blamed on your own religious leader] suddenly jerks unnaturally. He lifts steadily into the air but his eyes tell you that it is not of his own free will *smile*. Suddenly blood explodes out of the back of his head and you see his brain drawn out of it and subsequently torn apart. Suddenly an ilithid with bloody tentacles appears above him as the body drops lifelessly to the ground. He informs the horrified crowd "We no longer have any need for this tool. I'd like to welcome all of you to our own little Panopticon (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panopticon). My invisible comrades are everywhere and anywhere on the island and are more vastly more powerful than you are. Now that you see that we have our hostages, we also have our demands..."

Xallace
2008-08-27, 10:26 PM
I'll have to go with the adventure surrounding one of my "Villains of the Week," aptly named Darwin.

You see, Darwin's body could adapt to any dangerous situation in order to get him out of it. It started small, but soon went out of control. Darwin had the idea that some big government conspiracy laboratory had made him their guinea pig, and started targeting government buildings to burn.

Well, the PCs get tipped off by a scientist, who starts up the ultimately dramatic "Origin of Darwin's Species" exposition. It was supposed to be the point that solidified the idea for the PCs that Darwin really was the victim, despite his increasingly violent attacks.

Well, one PC played along. The two others decided to discuss how "hawt" Darwin was during the exposition. Really distracting, and made it go a lot longer. When the final battle with him came around, the only reason they felt bad about fighting was his "hot British-ness."

These days I try to make sure that a villain is never both attractive and British. One or the other at most.

John Campbell
2008-08-27, 11:21 PM
No penalty whatsoever except roleplaywise. You could be LG paladin of Bahamut, switch to CE, and retain all your powers and keep levelling. Hmm.
So, uh, what is the point? The only things alignment has ever been at all useful for is applying mechanics in an at least semi-consistent way to certain areas of roleplaying, and starting arguments. If the mechanics are no longer linked to it... why even bother?

Inhuman Bot
2008-08-27, 11:29 PM
Well, our DM had planned a big scene, with the leaders of two warring nations meeting to discuss peace. Negotiations were faring poorly, and it was up to us to help that. We discoverd that a puppetmaster monster was controlling one of the leaders, and was using this as a chance to controll the other. So we find the monster, and the scene plays out.

Monster: Fools! you think you can prevent a plan that has already been completed!? Come to me my minnions-

One of other players pulls out a quad iron, rolls 4 (!!!) crits, with extra damage bullets, and max damage on most of the die.
Boom, the epic scene was finished before anyone had a chance to move.

Name_Here
2008-08-28, 11:20 AM
I set the adventure on a dieing spaceship which was being boarded and bombarded by chaos cultists.

The Team was trying to get from one end of the ship to the other quickly so that they wouldn't be on the ship when it blew up. The main corridor was the quickest but at the time disciplene was breaking down as people began to panic so the corridor had become a massive scrum of ratings pushing to get to the bays and armsmen trying to get to defense points to slow down the boarders as long as they could.

Now I expected my team to stop and think if there was anyway around the blockage. Maybe a mantenence tube, a secondary corridor. Maybe the team would try and restore disciplene to the poor ratings and armsmen. As a very last resort they could just blow through the innocents with tears of rage and shame streaming down their face over the atrocities they were forced to commit to survive another day in this horrid horrid world.

Of course what happened was that the description was barely out of my mouth before the team announced that they were going to toss a frag gernade into the middle and follow that up with a couple blasts from their flamers. I couldn't even justify giving them any insanity points they were so nochalant about it.

tieto
2008-08-28, 11:34 AM
well I wasn't dming this session but this is what happened. our dm had the final boss of an encounter be a deity that was more than 4 cr's higher than us and to make the long story short...we killed it in less than seven seconds.

chiasaur11
2008-08-28, 11:59 AM
I set the adventure on a dieing spaceship which was being boarded and bombarded by chaos cultists.

The Team was trying to get from one end of the ship to the other quickly so that they wouldn't be on the ship when it blew up. The main corridor was the quickest but at the time disciplene was breaking down as people began to panic so the corridor had become a massive scrum of ratings pushing to get to the bays and armsmen trying to get to defense points to slow down the boarders as long as they could.

Now I expected my team to stop and think if there was anyway around the blockage. Maybe a mantenence tube, a secondary corridor. Maybe the team would try and restore disciplene to the poor ratings and armsmen. As a very last resort they could just blow through the innocents with tears of rage and shame streaming down their face over the atrocities they were forced to commit to survive another day in this horrid horrid world.

Of course what happened was that the description was barely out of my mouth before the team announced that they were going to toss a frag gernade into the middle and follow that up with a couple blasts from their flamers. I couldn't even justify giving them any insanity points they were so nochalant about it.

It was 40k. Brutally murdering your own troops is how ALL top officers (With the exception of a certain HERO OF THE IMPERIUM) solve their problems. You really shoulda seen it coming.

Name_Here
2008-08-28, 12:45 PM
It was 40k. Brutally murdering your own troops is how ALL top officers (With the exception of a certain HERO OF THE IMPERIUM) solve their problems. You really shoulda seen it coming.

I know. I just didn't expect for there to be not a single player who said "no there has to be a better way"

Blackfang108
2008-08-28, 01:11 PM
Elandrin Warlord.

On the Chopping block.

I got away, EPICLY.

I have a narative written about it, but it's on my Thumb drive at home.

I'll post it here, either in this post or another, tomorrow.

Although I guess this isn't really in the spirit of it.

A better example.

One of our friends was dating a girl at the time and was with her so much that he'd miss 3/4 sessions. so the DM decided to make him 3 levels higher than the rest of us, and to give him a Zweihander from Quintessential Barbarian.

Said sword was insane.

especially after three sessions, when the guy and the girl split, and EVERY encounter - even the colossal Kraken - was ended much faster than the DM though possible.

except the ghost. he was a pain.

Jastermereel
2008-08-28, 03:33 PM
*Backstory*
I was filling in for the regular DM who was in grad-student crunch mode, which gave him time to play but not to plan. So, my character had temporarily run off and his character appeared as an envoy from the allied centaur encampment we'd been working with.

The party (8 or so people) was sent on a mission to take down an evil necromancer that had been at war with the centaurs. A few sessions before this mission (when the main DM was in charge), we'd remotely interrupted a battle between the two when we attacked the necromancer's outpost and destroyed an orb of some sort causing his forces to flee the field (none of which we directly saw).

At some point in planning, I realized that instead of having the tower-crawl end in a simple boss battle, I would have to try and twist it a little. Despite my attempts at making challenging foes, having 8 PCs meant that any foe that wouldn't kill them quickly (to be avoided) would go down quickly under the angry dice of 2 druids, a wizard, a paladin, a cleric, a fighter and two other players (if combat got around to them).

*Story*
Unfortunately, my attempt at extending the climactic moment turned into a lesson in diplomancy. When they finally got to the necromancer's room and met his #2 (actually him in disguise), I started making use of his diplomacy ranks and my "Decanter of Endless BS" (recieved upon graduating as an English-major):

The centaur's claims of being attacked were mere hear-say from bitter and small-minded folk. That orb surrounded by undead wasn't a base so much as an undead bug-zapper (those weren't guards near the doors so much as Mohrg-moths drawn to an Orb-flame). The evil-tainted tower filled with orcs and bugbears you slew on your way in weren't troops preparing for battle, but a half-way house for reforming members of evil species (No one checked that the macaroni art above the throne read "we put the laughter in slaughter" and "lair, sweet lair"). That blackguard over-there with a baby strapped to his armor beating a man hung from the ceiling is a perfect example our employee benefits (he "took ranks" in day-care and chiropractic health care). And so on.

The adventurers came within a hair's width of seeing through the PR lines, attacking and experiencing a chase scene through a library maze filled with undead, battling a high-level blackguard, a dread-necromancer Rakshasa and a large summoned demon, shattering the dark heart of the tower, and escaping by way of the now burning library maze and crumbling tower.

Instead, they agreed with Mr. Charismatic and walked on home to convince the centaurs to play nice.

That evening ended a lot sooner than I expected.

Zeal
2008-08-28, 08:22 PM
The players go onto a ship, intent on stealing it to replace their fairly low quality ship. They kill the skeleton crew on the deck but not before they set off the alarm. One of the players tries to hold a crew member hostage, but as the entire crew are being mind controlled, it fails to have any effect. Suddenly, the pirate captain, who I designed as a absolute monster in melee combat, strides onto deck. Now, I had imagined this scene as the current stand-off, followed by a massive melee in which one or two of the players would take on the pirate captain, while their crew and the other players would kill the mind controlled pirate crew. Instead, the PCs decide to parlay. I figure I'll use it as a chance to get near so I can suprise attack them, the sot of thing this pirate would do. However, the PCs, also pirates and very good at this sort of thing. Pirate captain steps out from behind his crew. The Warlock and de facto party leader yells for the rest of the crew to fire. Bullets, a cannon or two and several spells go off at the same time, most hitting the pirate captain squarely, killing him several times over. Even before he can act. So naturally, I had him come back and become somewhat of a reoccuring villain.

Blackfang108
2008-08-29, 08:59 AM
OK, brought my thumb drive.

Now for a little background.

A group is attempting to overthrow the current King and replace him with a member of the previous Dynasty.
Current Dynasty: Peaceful.
Previous Dynasty: centuries of war with its only neighbor.

I, Mindarthis Silverburg, Warlord Tactician of the Eastern Elandrin Empire (whew) get captured, as does my compatriot Rolan, the elf Ranger.

We were to be executed at dawn. What's more Epic than your friends coming in and saving your ears at the last second?

Unfortunately, they went to get help that was several days away.

So, here was my response:

“We will execute them at dawn,” the general said, “take them to the cells.”
While sitting in my cell, I knew that Rolan, my compatriot, was in the next cell over. We were both bound hand and foot, as well as gagged. After spending some time trying to escape my bonds, I realized that I was going to need some help. I figured Rolan and I may be able to help each other out, so I used my Fey Step to enter his cell.
Luckily, he was already out of his bonds and wasted no time untying me. We formulated a plan to escape while I rested. I Stepped back to my cell and arranged my bonds to seem that I was still tied up. The guard came by a while later and checked in on us. He didn’t notice that we had undone our bonds, and when he turned around, I Stepped behind him and grabbed him. Unfortunately, he was able to call out, and I had difficulty subduing him.
“Surrender!” exclaimed the general, coming into the prison area while I was still grappling with the guard.
I looked and saw that I was hopelessly outmatched, and gave in.
The General took a closer look at my ears and swore. “Elandrin.”
So, they took me to a room large enough that I could not teleport out of it, and tied me to a chair. They also left four men in the room with me, so I didn’t scoot to the walls and escape that way.
The General came and checked on me periodically throughout the night.
In the morning I was led to the executioner’s block. “We have Archers covering all avenues of escape,” he told me. But my feet were unbound, which was good news. I could only see one way out, but it required Rolan’s sacrifice.
He was led to the block first. Locked in the stock, his gag was removed and he was asked if he had any last words. I didn’t pay attention. I needed to concentrate on staying alive. No small feat when your mind has been partly broken by the Earlking.
The sword came down, and Rolan was finished. I whispered a brief prayer to the Raven Queen, and prepared for my plan. I was led to the stocks. I was locked in.
Ahead of me was a great mass of militia. Off to one side, the building I had just come from. To the other side, there was open grassland.
Behind me, however, was a road west. A road meant people.
My gag was removed.
“Do you have any last words?” asked the General, stoic as ever. He is trying to usurp the throne, again, and he sees me as the evil one.
“See ya!” I exclaimed, and Stepped 25 feet behind. And I turned and ran. Several arrows hit me, and I shrugged them off. Non-fatal wounds were not a concern. I knew I could take more punishment if I had to. One more arrow hit me before I was out of range of the archers.
I ran on, hands still tied behind my back, and I saw a farmhouse in the distance. As I approached, I heard hooves in the distance behind me. The riders caught up to me shortly before I reached the house, but were unable to hit me from their saddles.
I saw a window and judged that I could make it through, so I jumped.
I landed in a parlor with several farmers. I looked to the nearest and said, “Please untie me. The fate of the Kingdom is at stake.” True enough. And he did.
There was a knock on the door, so I ran to the kitchen. Once there, I grabbed the largest knife they had, and went out the rear door, towards the rider who had circled around. I slashed at him, and opened up a nasty gouge in his leg. The rider swung at me and I dodged.
The dismounted rider came through the door and charged me. I sidestepped and tripped him, then slashed at the mounted rider again. A third rider had appeared, still mounted, and I called on the power the Earlking had traded me, assaulting the mind of the rider I had slashed.
He grabbed his head, cried out, and fell from his mount.
I jumped up on the horse and was able to control it enough to run west again. The other mounted rider attempted to follow me, but I was able to outlast him. I kept riding off as the sun set, and several hours after I had last seen the rider, I dismounted and found shelter. I tied the horse to a tree and meditated.
As I did, a vision came to me of the Raven Queen. I knelt to her, and she enfolded me in her wings, leaned down, and kissed me on the forehead, as a proud parent to a favored child. “I knew I was right,” I whispered. “For your glory.”
And then I woke. I gave the horse a few hours extra rest, and we continued down the road, at a much more sedate pace, still clutching the kitchen knife.

Epic, but certainly not as our DM had planned.

NeoVid
2008-08-29, 04:31 PM
You know there are items and spells that can fool that, right?


Ah, the Ring of Undetectable Alignment, AKA the Ring of I Have A Reason To Hide My Alignment, So I'm Someone You Need To Kill.

:smallbiggrin:

The New Bruceski
2008-08-29, 04:52 PM
Ah, the Ring of Undetectable Alignment, AKA the Ring of I Have A Reason To Hide My Alignment, So I'm Someone You Need To Kill.

:smallbiggrin:

"I detect evil" -- You don't detect any evil.
"Then I detect magic" -- His ring is glowing with (is it illusion?).
"Killin' time!"

Inhuman Bot
2008-08-29, 05:20 PM
Right, so it's impossible for a good or neutral charcter to want to wear such a ring?

chiasaur11
2008-08-29, 05:25 PM
Right, so it's impossible for a good or neutral charcter to want to wear such a ring?

No, it's just somewhat unlikely in a good or nuetral alligned city.

And grounds for, at bare minimum, a few questions.

Oracle_Hunter
2008-08-29, 05:25 PM
Right, so it's impossible for a good or neutral charcter to want to wear such a ring?

It's exceedingly unlikely, unless said person was undercover, infiltrating an evil organization. I mean, who is he hiding the fact that he's good from otherwise?

That'll ruin your whole adventure right there too. :smalltongue:

NeoVid
2008-08-29, 10:30 PM
It's exceedingly unlikely, unless said person was undercover, infiltrating an evil organization. I mean, who is he hiding the fact that he's good from otherwise?




Reaction from good characters trying to detect your alignment:
"He's hiding his alignment. We can't trust him. Get him!"

Reaction from evil characters:
"He's hiding his alignment. Kill him."

Vonriel
2008-08-29, 10:53 PM
Reaction to the supposed "heroes" killing the paragon of virtue in the town who had just finished taking down the evil crime syndicate but hadn't let his undetectable alignment spell drop, who unfortunately had a ring of (enchanment that pings the same to detect magic as UA)? Priceless.

The Glyphstone
2008-08-29, 10:56 PM
Reaction from the city guard:
"This innocent merchant has just been brutally murdered, likely with the motive of stealing his Ring of Mind Shielding that he wore to protect himself during business negotiations. We'll need to take you people down to the station to ask a few questions..."

EDIT: Argh, ninjaed.

chiasaur11
2008-08-29, 10:59 PM
Reaction to the supposed "heroes" killing the paragon of virtue in the town who had just finished taking down the evil crime syndicate but hadn't let his undetectable alignment spell drop, who unfortunately had a ring of (enchanment that pings the same to detect magic as UA)? Priceless.

If they have any sense, they at least start with:
"We'd like it if you would remove the ring for a second. The magic signature is, frankly, more impressive than almos anything I've seen before. If I could just see it for a moment, I would pay you well for your trouble."
Then detect evil, if evil then facepunch.

If not, give him a couple GP.

He won't do it, then you go to punching, threats, or other less friendly measures.

mistformsquirrl
2008-08-29, 11:07 PM
Biggest one I recall was a campaign I was participating in, where our poor neglected fighter had literally gone through the entire 17-level to that point campaign without a *single* critical hit.

We come up against Shao Khan (Yes, our DM was blatantly ripping off Mortal Kombat <x.x>)... who our fighter then proceeds to crit on no less than 4 times in as many swings. With a custom designed weapon (our DM approved it) that did 4d8 with a x4 crit mod.

FATALITY!

The joke of the night was either "Can of Khan Juice" (because after that beating that's about all that was left of Shao Khan and his full plate), or when we were feeling obnoxious "FLAWLESS VICTORY".

<. .> All told... "Bad End".

*Edit*

I should add: He rolled 4 natural 20s and also managed to make the threat on each. That weapon was 4d8 x4, no 19-20 or anything like that.

AndromedaRPG
2008-08-30, 05:48 AM
I remember this one game (actually, the first DnD game I played), where the players were magically placed to sleep, and all shown the same dream. It was fairly epic in nature, detailing a major past event in the homebrewed world.

What destroyed the moment was that all of the players were bored; the characters were just watching the dream; the players were listening to the DM go on for quite a bit of time (I don't remember how long, just that it was longer than I expected).

as for personal DM experience, I can't think of anything right now.:smallfrown: