View Full Version : Just a dream I had...

2006-09-02, 02:34 PM
Just a little short story I'm proud of, based on a dream I had. Sorry if there's any grammatical errors or such like.
I err...wouldn't mind some feedback.

A Confession

“Listen, I know that, recently, none of us have really been on good terms with each other.”
“I know. But it’s mostly Sarah’s fault.”
“I know. I know. But, don’t blame her. It’s partly everybody’s fault.”
“We all did our bit.”
“Well, you didn’t. You’re nothing but a victim. Listen, I…”
“Edward. You must have a reason for talking to me. Idle chatter isn’t like you.”
“I know. I…look, I need to just tell you something. For a while now I…”
“Sorry, I-I-I’ve never been too good at all this.”
“At…what? Wait a second, does this mean you…”
“For a while now, I’ve had a crush on you. A…big one…and I…I just wanted to tell you.”
“For how long?”
“Ever since someone mentioned we’d be a good couple. It-it-it wasn’t so big then. But then, someone else said it, and when I prayed for help finding my angel, someone else…they err…they said it again.”
“You think I’m your angel?”
“Yes. I know, it’s silly, we’re friends. But, I think about you all the time. I dunno why I do it. I can’t stop it. I just go head over heals for people just like that. But, I’ve thought about this one. You could be my angel. You’re smart. You’re funny. You’re beautiful. You…I can’t find any fault. You…are perfect. I…I can’t really say how I feel, but…but this is how I feel. We-we-we can’t do it though…”
“No, Edward, look…”
And he did. He lifted his eyes high enough to look at her face. At those beautiful eyes of hers. He took in every feature of her face, every single little detail, committing them to memory, so he would never forget how beautiful she was. He nervously kept linking his fingers, moving his hands everywhere. His feet performed a small dance of the jitters. She looked at him, dead on. He just couldn’t look away.
“We’re meant to be going to this show to clear everything up. At least, the girls are. You guys are going for the show.”
“No, we…”
“No, you, want to patch things up. You have to face it Edward, Josh and Seth don’t like us. Sam does, but he’ll follow those two if they leave.”
“I know he will, but I…I don’t want us to all break up. We’re meant to stay friends. Friends man…like our own little ohana…”
“Edward.” Her voice was so soft. He just couldn’t look away. He wasn’t even sure if he was blinking. “If we were an ohana, we couldn’t be together.”
“But we…wait…wait what?”
“What you just said was so…sweet. I never thought of us together…until now, but you…you just know the right words.”
“I’ll be your angel.”
She stood up, he did too. He wasn’t sure if he was in control anymore. All he could do was stare at her. She wrapped her arms around him, and he wrapped his around her, holding her tight, never wishing the moment to past.
They couldn’t tell how long they stood there, their eyes closed, making the most of it. Above, the clear night sky showed the stars clearly, twinkling from their positions in the heavens. A full moon provided all the light they wanted as they stood by this lone patch of wall.
“What do you know…full moon…” he whispered gently. “Full moons are always a good omen for me…”
“I guess they are for me as well now…” she whispered back.
They were interrupted when the rest of their friends arrived, having now fully prepared. Their ride, a small mini-bus, drove up, and they all climbed in. They took seats for themselves together, and they sat there, with their foreheads touching, just looking at each, feeling their warm breath on each others skin.
They were given enough privacy to make it seem like the most romantic trip ever. Occasionally, they leaned in, their lips almost touching, but every time, they were interrupted. Some outbursts from their fellow travellers, bumps in the road, and finally their arrival.
They walked up to the theatre together, their arms on each others waists. They took a seat partially away from the others. She rested her head on his shoulders. He silently and slowly stroked her hair.
This was all new to him. He had never found someone who felt the same way back. This was all so…magical. He pinched himself at one point, just to make sure he was awake. He looked at her. He just couldn’t stop. To him, this creature in front of him, smaller than himself, perhaps even skinnier, was the most beautiful of God’s creations. He couldn’t help but offer a small thanks to whatever force had made this night happen.
The show started. And in what seemed like no time at all it finished. They spent the whole show together, just sitting there, gently leaning on each other. They walked much the same way as they came in. He felt he should say something, but he knew he shouldn’t. As soon as he opened his mouth, he knew he would say something stupid that would ruin the moment.
The bus ride back was much the same. They repeated the same little routine of leaning in and being stopped just before they could. But as soon as the bus stopped, they climbed out, and sat on the same wall they had before. The guys walked away, each having ‘something better to do’. The girls took a seat somewhere else, possessing enough common sense to know when somebody wanted privacy.
“Thank you.” he whispered, as they stared at each other again. It was as if every time he looked into those eyes, he gained a free pass into Heaven. “For the best night of my life.”
She leaned over, he did too. Finally, their lips met. It felt like an eternity. The kiss only lasted a few seconds.
“Now, I’m sure you’ll want to be getting home.” She stood up and walked to her friends, and they all left in a group. They didn’t seem to say anything audible, but Edward knew they were talking to her exclusively.
The show had worked. The girls’ friendship seemed just as strong as ever. The guys had kept their tenuous link with the girls going. And now Edward was left sitting on this wall by himself. The moon gave him his own little spotlight.
His phone rang. He answered it, a smile upon his face that could rival the Cheshire Cat. “Where are you?” his mother said down the phone.
“I’m sorry. I don’t think I’ll be home for a while yet. I need to go catch somebody.” He hung up before his mother could reply, and promptly turned his phone off.
In one swift movement, he was off the wall and already running in the direction the girls had left.

2006-09-02, 05:09 PM
i like it. In a sombre way, it reminds me of my first love...

very good, but the ending is quite open.. some more closure wouldbebetter, ithink, for a short story, but im no writer, just one who plays one on TV.

2006-09-02, 11:54 PM
Wow Jibar-cat, I didn't know you had feelings!

edit: It's really lovely. Didn't even notice any spelling or punctuation mistakes =P

2006-09-03, 02:29 AM
It makes me smile.

2006-09-03, 04:47 AM
Wow Jibar-cat, I didn't know you had feelings!

They're beneath the chocolate sauce centre.

2006-09-03, 09:50 AM
I didn't know you had a chocolate sauce centre, either. You're just one big surprising, tasty muffin, aren't you?

2006-09-09, 05:33 PM
Wow... I thought that was great!! Reminds me of a lot of things in my own life...