View Full Version : For all Things return to the Sea (A Poem)

2006-08-26, 01:58 AM
The dead ships land
not a sound from rotten planks
from ships, cutlas in hand
carried dead men on fleshless shanks

ranks march inland hidden in the mist
and living men frozen in fear
a blade in the gut, with a savage twist
a man falls to the docks, blood dripping from a spear

townsfolk see deadmen risen from a watery grave
the walls broken, the houses razed
not a soul spared, none to save
no defender left, for after battle to be praised

ancient storms treasure plundered
forgotten things under waves best let be
on shadowy evil, living men blundered
for all things return to the sea

So? Whatch y'all think?

EDIT: *after 0 responses* Oh, c'mon y'all! I spilled my heart, shared my secrets, exposed myself to your ridiclue etc. etc. [/dead poets wannabe] Was it because I said "y'all"? I'm from Washington state, you know. I only say y'all because I like the word.

Notice that I didn't double post...

EDIT#2: Y'all are statist!

2006-08-26, 03:28 AM
And this thing's been up how long, exactly? Don't pass judgment so early--poetry's a bear to critique!

I had the exact same problem with a piece I'd put up on a rather more cozy board... anyway....

It's a strong emotion, but I'm having a hard time getting much of a visual.... what inspired it?

(Yeah, it's not much. It's almost half-past twelve here, and I'm trying to see where the holes in my own writing are with someone who doesn't seem to be reading, and let's face it, I critique prose, particularly fiction, better than poetry.)

2006-08-26, 10:36 PM
Thanks. I know now, that at least one person cares. I'm not really looking for critique, just if you liked it or not.

And, no. It is not the Pirates of the Carribien 3 teaser.

2006-08-26, 11:26 PM
I liked the imagery.