"Great" pun on Thaumaturgy

[One_Wolf]

I don't know exactly why, but this really struck me as funny, so I decided to start a thread on what could Elan consider to be a "great" pun on thaumaturgy.

Here is my attempt. Try not to choke on your vomit.

Hey big demon guy! We could sure use you at Thanksgiving. With all that fire you could help Thaumaturgy!

Best I can do, but of course I am not a Bard/Dashing swordsman.

-One Wolf

[drengnikrafe]

I'd say that's awful, but... I can't think of anything at all, let alone remotely better, so I have no right...

[blackspeeker]

Hey big demon guy! We could sure use you at Thanksgiving. With all that fire you could help Thaumaturgy!


If that is supposed to be thaw my turkey, then I think its right on par with Elan's puns.

[One_Wolf]

Oh it's awful, but that's the point.

I mean really, is there any such thing as a "great" pun?

-One Wolf

[One_Wolf]

If that is supposed to be thaw my turkey, then I think its right on par with Elan's puns.

Thank you, I take that as a compliment.

-One Wolf

[Ascension]

I mean really, is there any such thing as a "great" pun?

Read Irregular Webcomic!. David Morgan Mar comes up with some truly great ones.

[Occasional Sage]

Perhaps it wasn't "thaw my turkey" but "the mat urgy," although... :smalleek:

Yeah, I got nothin'.

[Trizap]

.....don't try figuring it out, its just a little joke about a strange word thats impossible to come up with a pun for, so the Giant decided to play with your mind by saying Elan did a pun on it, when its clearly impossible.

[Revanmal]

.....don't try figuring it out, its just a little joke about a strange word thats impossible to come up with a pun for, so the Giant decided to play with your mind by saying Elan did a pun on it, when its clearly impossible.

We know this, you know this, the World's people know this. But this is GitP and damn it, Jim, we gotta do it anyway.

[One_Wolf]

.....don't try figuring it out, its just a little joke about a strange word thats impossible to come up with a pun for, so the Giant decided to play with your mind by saying Elan did a pun on it, when its clearly impossible.

I recognize that, which is why I found it so funny and why I wanted to come up with one anyway.

-One Wolf

[GSFB]

Speaking of Thanksgiving, that reminds me a funny story that happened a while back.

If you are reading this in some country other than America, you might not know all about Thanksgiving. It is an annual celebration of thanks to God for helping our Pilgrim settlers find this new land and its abundance. There is a lot of food involved. There is of course much more to it than that, but that's the background you need for this story.

So, as for the food, the centerpiece is always the turkey. But many people also like a second type of meat, and the most popular is ham.

Well, I decided it would be fun to try making something "special" using ham, as a centerpiece. Now, Thanksgiving goes back to the time when people used old blunderbuss muskets, you know, the muskets with the big trumpet-horn barrels for shooting a load of shot at close range. That is the stereotypical image of the Pilgrim hunting with his blunderbuss. So I thought it would be fun to try to make a dish with ham in the shape of a blunderbuss.

Well, a large ham has enough meat, but it would be a waste to carve it into a shape and have a lot of scrap left over. So I thought it would be neat to try forming chopped ham into the right shape. I got a vase that was shaped like a trumpet horn, and used a wet saw to slice it down the middle, forming a trumpet-shaped mold. Then I made a ham salad with gelatin, filled the mold, and chilled it to set. Once that was done, I free-formed more chopped ham and gelatin into the shape of the stock, and put it together with the barrel portion on a large sheet, and kept it in the refrigerator until I was ready to take it to the party.

I knew I had to hold onto this while I was driving, because it wasn't very solid and I was afraid it would come apart if I just sat it in the seat next to me on the bumpy road. I figured I should wear my fur mittens, because the sheet was VERY cold, but for some reason I got in the car and forgot them. So I am driving along, with this freezing cold metal sheet in my lap, with one hand on the wheel and the other hand keeping the sheet stable. I really wished I had remembered that fur mitten for my cold hands! But I was running late and didn't want to go back, so I just kept driving.

However, because I was so uncomfortable, and because I kept using my bare hand to move this big cold sheet around every time I made a turn or hit a bump, I ended up driving erratically. Of course, wouldn't you know it, I get pulled over by a cop who thought maybe I was drinking.

So he gives me a ticket. And that is how I got busted for carrying a congealed ham gun without a fur mit.

(ducks and runs - at least I didn't try to include thaumatury!)

[Warren Dew]

Thank you, I take that as a compliment.

But he just compared your intellect to Elan's!

Just kidding. I nominate your pun for the official "that's what Elan said off screen" prize (or second the nomination I guess).

[Caleniel]

So he gives me a ticket. And that is how I got busted for carrying a congealed ham gun without a fur mit.

(ducks and runs - at least I didn't try to include thaumatury!)

GSFB that was hilarious! And also definitely the most complicated joke I have ever read!

(...it took me about two minute from reading it to getting it... but that probably sais as much about me as about the joke.)

But seriously, Elan would be proud of inspiring that one!

[kpenguin]

Um... how about "Looks like that imp performed some 'faux'-maturgy back there, 'cause all I see is a fake devil"

[teratorn]

So he gives me a ticket. And that is how I got busted for carrying a congealed ham gun without a fur mit.

Elan would be so proud of you. That pun is so bad it's brilliant.


(ducks and runs - at least I didn't try to include thaumatury!)

Go for it... you can do it, no need for a fur mit.

[Ragabash]

I don't know exactly why, but this really struck me as funny, so I decided to start a thread on what could Elan consider to be a "great" pun on thaumaturgy.

Here is my attempt. Try not to choke on your vomit.

Hey big demon guy! We could sure use you at Thanksgiving. With all that fire you could help Thaumaturgy!

Best I can do, but of course I am not a Bard/Dashing swordsman.

-One Wolf

There's a philosophy of puns that great ones should inflict physical pain on the listener (reader in this case). If you follow that school of thought, then you have succeeded. Congratulations!

[kpenguin]

Thinking about Thamaturgy and how it could be used in puns, I came up with:

"faux mat orgy"

...

so, how can we make a clever quip out of that?

[Grady]

Hey big demon guy! We could sure use you at Thanksgiving. With all that fire you could help Thaumaturgy!
That's great.
I can pretty much imagine Elan saying this.

[Nerzul9000]

GSFB that was hilarious! And also definitely the most complicated joke I have ever read!

(...it took me about two minute from reading it to getting it... but that probably sais as much about me as about the joke.)

But seriously, Elan would be proud of inspiring that one!

concure...freaking hilarious :P:smallbiggrin:

[Linkavitch]

Read Irregular Webcomic!. David Morgan Mar comes up with some truly great ones.

Yes, he most certainly has. I like Monty Jones.

[T-O-E]

Hey big demon guy! We could sure use you at Thanksgiving. With all that fire you could help Thaumaturgy!

I think i've finally found the world's worst pun, congratulations One_Wolf.

[Pepz]

I think i've finally found the world's worst pun, congratulations One_Wolf.

actually...:P Goats did a Worst Joke Ever (http://www.goats.com/archive/971104.html) storyline, way back when. If normal puns inflict regular pain, this one repeatedly stabs you in the eye with a rusty fork while reciting Vogon poetry and kicking puppies, if you get the pun :P took me and a friend a couple of searches to find out what's supposed to be funny :smalltongue:

[Zolem]

'What's thamaturgy, down in the dumps?' with it pronounced 'the-mater-guy?'

[teratorn]

actually...:P Goats did a Worst Joke Ever (http://www.goats.com/archive/971104.html) storyline, way back when. If normal puns inflict regular pain, this one repeatedly stabs you in the eye with a rusty fork while reciting Vogon poetry and kicking puppies, if you get the pun :P took me and a friend a couple of searches to find out what's supposed to be funny :smalltongue:

It took me about 10 secs and I'm not even a native English speaker (maybe that's the reason).

[Holammer]

Elan should try dramaturgy next time... No wait, that's his thing already.

[Prowl]

I believe this is something along the lines of trying to come up with a rhyme for "orange" or "elephant".

[pendell]

I believe this is something along the lines of trying to come up with a rhyme for "orange" or "elephant".


We'll surely avoid scurvy if we all eat an orange
And then we'll catch that pirate after eating morning porridge!

A pirate I was meant to be
Trim the sails and roam the sea!

But what if the pirate is riding an elephant?
That's so silly the question is not relevant!

A pirate I was meant to be
Trim the sails and roam the sea!


==========
With apologies to the makers of 'The Curse of Monkey Island', which did indeed have
a puzzle that foundered when one attempted to rhyme with 'orange'.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

[Ganurath]

You should make an effort to fight thaumaturgy to oppose me!
(Thou mighty urge)

[chiasaur11]

Read Irregular Webcomic!. David Morgan Mar comes up with some truly great ones.

So that's him, Pastis in "Pearls before Swine", and the man who made some of the very few good puns, Jesus.

No, really. They even put one in the Bible.

So, three people have made good puns.

Short list.

[Lissou]

Maybe something with "tomato juice" replacing "thamaturgy"?
(Does tomato jelly exist?)

[fendrin]

It took me about 10 secs and I'm not even a native English speaker (maybe that's the reason).

No, I think it's because a lot of people (particularly those born in the late '80s or later) aren't familiar with the story of Azaria Chamberlain (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Azaria_Chamberlain_disappearance) or have seen the movie about her disappearance, A Cry in the Dark (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Cry_in_the_Dark).

[Chronos]

Isaac Asimov once recounted what he considered the perfect pun.

Three brothers decide to pool their life savings, buy a ranch, and go into the beef cattle business. It's all going well, except for one hitch: They can't agree on a name. So they call up their dad, and ask him. He says, "It's obvious. Call the ranch Focus, because it's where the sons raise meat.".


(Does tomato jelly exist?)I don't know about jelly, precisely, but my mom makes a tomato-basil jam that's to die for. Close enough?

[Zolem]

No, I think it's because a lot of people (particularly those born in the late '80s or later) aren't familiar with the story of Azaria Chamberlain (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Azaria_Chamberlain_disappearance) or have seen the movie about her disappearance, A Cry in the Dark (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Cry_in_the_Dark).

ALthough it is referenced in Tropic Thunder, when the Black Rapper makes fun of the Australian with 'A dingo ate my baby.' he replies 'Hey! That's a true story! Take that back, or you're abouy to cross some *****ing lines.'

[Occasional Sage]

Thinking about Thamaturgy and how it could be used in puns, I came up with:

"faux mat orgy"

...

so, how can we make a clever quip out of that?

Probably not without breaking some Forum rules. :smallwink:

[Lissou]

I don't know about jelly, precisely, but my mom makes a tomato-basil jam that's to die for. Close enough?

Well, "tomato jam" doesn't sound as close to "thaumaturgy" as "tomato jelly" would.

[Deathwisher]

One could try something along the lines of 'post-Thraumaturgical stress syndrome.'

[One_Wolf]

Hmmm, how about 'What's thaumaturgy, down in the dumps?' since thaumaturgy sounds a bit like 'what's-the-mater-guy?'


Just thought I'd copy Zolem's pun from the discussion thread. It being on point and all.

-One Wolf

[Ron Miel]

Isaac Asimov once recounted what he considered the perfect pun.

Three brothers decide to pool their life savings, buy a ranch, and go into the beef cattle business. It's all going well, except for one hitch: They can't agree on a name. So they call up their dad, and ask him. He says, "It's obvious. Call the ranch Focus, because it's where the sons raise meat.".


I don't get it.

Much as I love most of Asimov's work, he was pretty lame at telling puns. I suspect that this one depends on some American cultural reference that is lost on the rest of the world.

(BTW, Chronos, nice to see you off The Dope)

[Electric_Monkey]

Ohhhhh.... It's "Dingo". I'd assumed it was a reference to some western in which a Mexican mother complains that the "Gringo" stole her baby."

[chiasaur11]

I don't get it.

Much as I love most of Asimov's work, he was pretty lame at telling puns. I suspect that this one depends on some American cultural reference that is lost on the rest of the world.

(BTW, Chronos, nice to see you off The Dope)

It's the focus, a point at which rays (such as fromthe sun) meet. It's mathy.

And yes, I winced.

[Irenaeus]

So that's him, Pastis in "Pearls before Swine", and the man who made some of the very few good puns, Jesus.

No, really. They even put one in the Bible.
Where? Does it work in both Arameic, Greek and English?

[Salty]

I think Rich said this just to cause us forum users to go crazy about it. He's probably sitting at his computer, laughing at our foolishness.:smallbiggrin:

[The Extinguisher]

actually...:P Goats did a Worst Joke Ever (http://www.goats.com/archive/971104.html) storyline, way back when. If normal puns inflict regular pain, this one repeatedly stabs you in the eye with a rusty fork while reciting Vogon poetry and kicking puppies, if you get the pun :P took me and a friend a couple of searches to find out what's supposed to be funny :smalltongue:

Oh... that's bad.

I've actually heard worse puns though.

[chiasaur11]

Where? Does it work in both Arameic, Greek and English?

If you know what names mean, sure.
Of course, most editions explain the joke.

[Ron Miel]

(on Jesus' punning)


Where? Does it work in both Arameic, Greek and English?


"Woe to you teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices -- mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law -- justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel" (Matthew 23:23,24)

This is a pun in the original language. The words gnat and camel are almost the same (gamla & galma).

[Nerzul9000]

B-E-A-utiful...we now have bible references...oh the pain of religious puns...
ouch

[tanonx]

...!

'Join the clergy'? I mean, it is some kinda not-a-demon...

[Irenaeus]

(on Jesus' punning)




"Woe to you teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices -- mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law -- justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel" (Matthew 23:23,24)

This is a pun in the original language. The words gnat and camel are almost the same (gamla & galma).Ah. So it only works in Arameic. Cool. Thanks for the info. The play on words in Arameic must be based on an educated guess, however. Since Matthew is written in greek, not Arameic and κωνωπα and καμηλον doesn't really create any pun at all, they must have reverse engineered it. (I assume)

Still cool. Thank you.

[chiasaur11]

Ah. So it only works in Arameic. Cool. Thanks for the info. The play on words in Arameic must be based on an educated guess, however. Since Matthew is written in greek, not Arameic and κωνωπα and καμηλον doesn't really create any pun at all, they must have reverse engineered it. (I assume)

Still cool. Thank you.

Also, Peter means "rock", so "upon this rock I will build my church" was a pun too.

[Chronos]

Also, Peter means "rock", so "upon this rock I will build my church" was a pun too.Not really, since he just named him Peter right then and there. The English equivalent would be "Hey, Simon, from now on, I'm going to call you Rocky, and on that rock I'm going to build my church.". It's only because of that guy that Peter is a common name now.

[Uncle Festy]

so the Giant decided to play with your mind…

:smalleek:
What? The giant wouldn't try and play with my mind!
…ok yeah he totally would.


We know this, you know this, the World's people know this. But this is GitP and damn it, Jim, we gotta do it anyway.

:smallbiggrin:
That's hilarious. Can I sig it?


It's the focus, a point at which rays (such as fromthe sun) meet. It's mathy.

And yes, I winced.

Ooooh. *groans*

[Shosuro Ishii]

It's a well known fact taht a pun can be so bad that it wraps back around itself and becomes funny once again:

Billy was an avid reader of a certain humur magazine. One month, he read an article explaining that they would be having a pun writing contest, and taht readers were encouraged to send in their own. Billy spent the next three weeks wracking his brain for ideas. When he was done, he wrote down his ten best and mailed them into the contest. Monthes passed and Billy bought the magazine announcing the winner. He tirelessly scoured the magazine to see if any of his entries had been printed. Sadly, no pun in ten did.

The normal response to that joke is akward silence, followed by slow realization. When they realize just how awful the joke is, people will crack up laughing.

A much shorter version of the same concept:

A drum and two cymbals fall of a cliff.........bu dum cha!

A truly good pun is so bad that its badness and set-up is is what makes it hilarious.

[T-O-E]

Speaking of Thanksgiving, that reminds me a funny story that happened a while back.

If you are reading this in some country other than America, you might not know all about Thanksgiving. It is an annual celebration of thanks to God for helping our Pilgrim settlers find this new land and its abundance. There is a lot of food involved. There is of course much more to it than that, but that's the background you need for this story.

So, as for the food, the centerpiece is always the turkey. But many people also like a second type of meat, and the most popular is ham.

Well, I decided it would be fun to try making something "special" using ham, as a centerpiece. Now, Thanksgiving goes back to the time when people used old blunderbuss muskets, you know, the muskets with the big trumpet-horn barrels for shooting a load of shot at close range. That is the stereotypical image of the Pilgrim hunting with his blunderbuss. So I thought it would be fun to try to make a dish with ham in the shape of a blunderbuss.

Well, a large ham has enough meat, but it would be a waste to carve it into a shape and have a lot of scrap left over. So I thought it would be neat to try forming chopped ham into the right shape. I got a vase that was shaped like a trumpet horn, and used a wet saw to slice it down the middle, forming a trumpet-shaped mold. Then I made a ham salad with gelatin, filled the mold, and chilled it to set. Once that was done, I free-formed more chopped ham and gelatin into the shape of the stock, and put it together with the barrel portion on a large sheet, and kept it in the refrigerator until I was ready to take it to the party.

I knew I had to hold onto this while I was driving, because it wasn't very solid and I was afraid it would come apart if I just sat it in the seat next to me on the bumpy road. I figured I should wear my fur mittens, because the sheet was VERY cold, but for some reason I got in the car and forgot them. So I am driving along, with this freezing cold metal sheet in my lap, with one hand on the wheel and the other hand keeping the sheet stable. I really wished I had remembered that fur mitten for my cold hands! But I was running late and didn't want to go back, so I just kept driving.

However, because I was so uncomfortable, and because I kept using my bare hand to move this big cold sheet around every time I made a turn or hit a bump, I ended up driving erratically. Of course, wouldn't you know it, I get pulled over by a cop who thought maybe I was drinking.

So he gives me a ticket. And that is how I got busted for carrying a congealed ham gun without a fur mit.

(ducks and runs - at least I didn't try to include thaumatury!)

Has to be the longest (and greatest) pun i've ever heard!

[pclips]

I mean really, is there any such thing as a "great" pun?


Yes, yes there is (http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=3474181).

I hope, before I die, that I can write one pun as great as that Fark headline.

[Ron Miel]

Has to be the longest (and greatest) pun i've ever heard!

Here's one that's much longer and funnier

http://pau.araos.com/best-joke-in-the-world

[Shosuro Ishii]

Here's one that's much longer and funnier

http://pau.araos.com/best-joke-in-the-world


That was the single most epic thing I've ever read.

You sir win all the internets I can offer.

[thumbprince]

LOL You should be bard from this forum!

[Azuroth]

Yes, yes there is (http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=3474181).

I hope, before I die, that I can write one pun as great as that Fark headline.
That's it, I'm never reading this forum at work, EVER AGAIN. Now I gotta go explain to my boss what that thump was, and why I'm crying....

[dragongirl13]

We'll surely avoid scurvy if we all eat an orange
And then we'll catch that pirate after eating morning porridge!

A pirate I was meant to be
Trim the sails and roam the sea!

But what if the pirate is riding an elephant?
That's so silly the question is not relevant!

A pirate I was meant to be
Trim the sails and roam the sea!


Nice rhymes. Although "orange" and "porridge" don't exactly rhyme.

As for "thaumaturgy," I really can't think of any puns.

[ericgrau]

If you have an allergy to thaumaturgy does that cause lethargy when faced with impossible metallurgy?

[Flickerdart]

If you have an allergy to thaumaturgy does that cause lethargy when faced with impossible metallurgy?
That's only an eye rhyme. Allergy and Lethargy wouldn't rhyme with Thaumaturgy, though Metallurgy would (I doubt any self-respecting poet would use these).