View Full Version : Need material for a comedian character.

2008-08-23, 02:16 PM
Hi. I'm making a character (Pence) who draws his power from the comedy. I'm actually a little low on jokes right now. But I'd thought I'd workshop what I have.

Scene 1
*In the tavern, during his introduction to the campaign*
Pence: *to audience in tavern* ..So then the Ettin said "That's not my other head, thats my wife!"

Scene 2
Pence: Okay. My mimic power only works if I can make a convincing impression of the wizard. This will take me carefully envisioning the way that the wizard carries himself, words his sentences, and every other minute detail about him. AHEM *hunches himself over while using a coathanger as an impromptu staff.* KEKEKEKE! I AM AN ALMIGHTY *GOD*! BECAUSE ONLY A GOD COULD STUFF AS MANY FOUR-SYLLABLE WORDS INTO A SINGLE MONOLOGUE! TASTE MY FART GAS! STINKING MIST, or like cloud or something...your spells have silly names.

Expected reaction to scene 2

Wizard: OMG, that is NOT how I act at all! I'm not even hunchbacked! You are such a prodigious-

Pence: Hey! It worked! The remaining Ogres are nauseated!

GM: Yes...it was the spell that nauseated them....

Scene 3 -highly situational, but a man can dream can't he?-

Party: *Watches as the sickening cute sprite character gets squished by a monster*
Pence: *Collects some of the sprite's bodily fluids into a potion flask and hands it to the healer*
Healer: :smalleek:
Pence: Drink Sprite!
Healer: :smallconfused:
Pence: Obey your Thirst.

The Glyphstone
2008-08-23, 02:40 PM
Well, there's always the classic "You might be a half-orc if..." routines, a la Jeb Foxworthy.

2008-08-23, 03:13 PM
Well, there's always the classic "You might be a half-orc if..." routines, a la Jeb Foxworthy.

Hmmm...I can actually do multiple routines if I do one for every different type of enemy we fight:

If you involuntarily make love to your neighbor's wife each night because there is no freaking room in filthy hovel your entire tribe sleeps in at night, you might be a goblin.

If your only modus operati for protecting your territory are murder holes and traps, and your lord and savior is freaking Pun-Pun, you might a kobold.

If you break down the door in broad daylight with a small army of heavies backing you up and start taking things that belong to the impoverished resident and make them thank you for not breaking your legs.....you might a tax collector, but odds are you're just a bandit.

If, when your hungry, you rip off a piece of yourself and eat it because it will just grow back....you are definitely a troll.

2008-08-23, 03:16 PM
Please, please, please take a nerfed Leadership so you can play Statler and Waldorf.

Paragon Badger
2008-08-23, 04:08 PM
Just apply real-world logic to the world of RPG games and you've got instant just-add-water comedy.

Vaarsuvius' scribing the power word and taking up 6 pages, for example.

The New Bruceski
2008-08-23, 04:17 PM
Takhesis: the 5-Assed Dragon.

I first heard that one at an RPG camp back in 2000. Good times. All the campaigns run during the camp were tied into an overarching storyline where they were summoning Bahamut. Unfortunately there was one team too many, they were sent for a false stone and ol' ten-eyes came through instead. It was a huge session with the five main DMs each playing a head, sub-DMs collecting party actions, about thirty-fourty PCs, and a lot of spectators from the M:tG and math camps that were there at the same time (me included).

It was hilarious because the different groups were all different power levels and styles of campaign. For example the comedy group had some Bottles of Graffiti, which released a number of Efreeti to spraypaint everything. About seven paladins did a straight charge. One wizard levitated, cast some spell to stay audible and started doing stand-up as a distraction (hence the joke that started this story). It worked: all five heads targeted him that round.

2008-08-23, 04:23 PM






Rogues do it from behind.
Monks do it with their hands.
Rangers do it in the woods.
Bards do it with music.
Druids do it like animals.
Sorcerers do it spontaneously.
Psions do it without even moving.
Wilders do it screaming.
Abjurers do it with protection.
Necromancers do it with undead.
Drow do it in the dark.