PDA

View Full Version : One-Liner Class Descriptions 4E



Leliel
2008-10-13, 05:45 PM
Saw this thread in the Wizards Boards:


Saw the One Liner Class Descriptions Thread (http://forums.gleemax.com/showthread.php?t=1008908) a few moments ago, and thought I'd create one for 4E. I'll start:

Warlock: (Holding some kind of squid doll) Hi there! I'm Locke, and this is my buddy, Cthulhu. Oh, wait, what's that Cthulhu? Sorry, he doesn't like you. Say goodbye.

Warlord: HEY! SOLDIER! YOU'D BETTER HEAL UP THERE, OR SO HELP ME I'LL GO OVER THERE AND BEAT YOU UNTIL YOU HEAL!!!

Daggermaster*: Oops! My knife went in your kidney! Let's try that again- Whoops! There goes your jugular! Oh man, sorry about your left lung there. You're really unlucky, you know tha- oh, you're dead.

* Why not Paragon Paths?

I'll start with one of my own favorites, in it's four different flavors:

Starlock: Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder how best you can CRUSH THOSE WHO OPPOSE ME!

Darklock: "Loners are freaks", eh? Well, I'm pretty lonely-WHY DON'T YOU JOIN ME IN THE DARKNESS!

Feylock: Now, you see me, now you don't. Also, now your brain hurts.

Helllock: My name's Kevin. I like to burn stuff. (MAD magazine reference FTW)

AslanCross
2008-10-13, 06:15 PM
Starlock needs a Banjhulhu doll.

AstralFire
2008-10-13, 06:17 PM
That panel from Dr. McNinja about how little Doctor would "Try to shank, shank, shank Mommy's ankles!" seems very appropriate for the Rogue.

Moff Chumley
2008-10-13, 06:25 PM
This thread is approved of.

Wizards: GOD****! ****! ****! Gimme my spells back, you ***!

Edge of Dreams
2008-10-13, 06:32 PM
Fighter: "Stop trying to hit me and HIT ME!"

Paladin: "Clank, clank, I'm a tank!"

Draco Dracul
2008-10-13, 06:58 PM
Paladin: You shall not pass.

Oracle_Hunter
2008-10-13, 07:28 PM
TWF Ranger: Rip and Tear! RIP AND TEAR!

Shadow_Elf
2008-10-13, 07:55 PM
Ranger: Call me tree hugger one more time and you'll have nine lung piercings before you can say "I didn't mean it!"

Oracle_Hunter
2008-10-13, 09:22 PM
Tactical Warlord: Just as I planned.

Mando Knight
2008-10-13, 09:26 PM
Barbarian: You think our rage... a weakness? Let me show you HOW WRONG YOU ARE!

Raz_Fox
2008-10-13, 10:19 PM
Cleric: You like light? Like the sun? Let me prove how wrong you are!!!
Fighter: Come over here and say that!
Paladin: Wait, we can smite evil all day long?? I'm converting right now!
Archer Ranger: I'm aiming for the enemy. Would I lie to you?
Rogue: No, he wasn't wearing a shirt a minute ago. Really.
Warlock: B-but I like my soul! Y-you mean I SOLD IT?? The nice devil said he just wanted to borrow it for a little bit, test it out...
Warlord: Dance, puppets, dance!
Orb Wizard: I have been kind, until now. I can be cruel.

chiasaur11
2008-10-13, 10:20 PM
Rogue:
Look! Over there! Something other than my knife in your kidneys!

Yakk
2008-10-13, 11:16 PM
Swordmage: That's not an implement. THIS is an implement.

Oracle_Hunter
2008-10-13, 11:24 PM
Kensei: This is my sword. There are many like it but this one is mine.

Talic
2008-10-13, 11:32 PM
Wizard: Phemonenal cosmic power...Itty bitty living space*.

*Said living space exists in a pocket demi dimension, off the astral plane, protected by a legion of mindraped Solars and one Animated Marshmallow Golem.

Draco Dracul
2008-10-13, 11:40 PM
Wizard: Phemonenal cosmic power...Itty bitty living space*.

*Said living space exists in a pocket demi dimension, off the astral plane, protected by a legion of mindraped Solars and one Animated Marshmallow Golem.

I think you might have the wrong editoin.
Also,
Cleric(with implement): The power of Pelor compels you, the power pelor compels you, the power pelor compels you.

Oracle_Hunter
2008-10-13, 11:43 PM
Y'know, I'm going to keep quoting things until I run out of 'em:

Paladin: I kick ass for the Lord!

I wonder if anyone'll be able to track down where they all come from :smalltongue:

Nerd-o-rama
2008-10-13, 11:45 PM
TWF Ranger: Rip and Tear! RIP AND TEAR!Paladin: CLEAVE AND SMITE! YOU'RE HUGE! THAT MEANS YOU HAVE HUGE EVIL! CLEAVE AND SMITE! CLEAVE AND SMITE YOUR EVIL!

chiasaur11
2008-10-14, 12:09 AM
Cleric: There's nothing wrong with you that I can't fix... with my lay on hands!

Alternatively: Light makes might! And I feel mighty!

Talic
2008-10-14, 12:15 AM
I think you might have the wrong editoin.
Also,
Cleric(with implement): The power of Pelor compels you, the power pelor compels you, the power pelor compels you.

I'm just thinking 5 splatbooks ahead of everyone else.

Randel
2008-10-14, 12:25 AM
Bloodmage Wizard: This is going to hurt me almost as much as its going to hurt everyone in a 50 foot radius. *takes his second wind while dealing his con damage to kill all minions in his general vicinity* Oh wait, that didn't hurt AT ALL!

Wizard: Whats that? You say that wizards suck now because we only get a few spells to work with and they are weaker than everyone else's powers? Well TALK TO THE HAND! *Conjures Grasping Hands to smash enemies around*

Orzel
2008-10-14, 12:42 AM
Ranger: 10 HIT COMBO! KO!
Feylock: I has a curse for yous. Tee hee.
Starlock: I don't got time for making sense.
Fighter: Stop. Hammer Time. Can't touch him.
Tactlord: Wait for it..... NOW!

TimeWizard
2008-10-14, 02:01 AM
Warlord: Dance, puppets, dance!

I hate you for reminding me of that. (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ThatOneBoss)

Asbestos
2008-10-14, 02:20 AM
Barbarian: Rage of... Frost Wolf!





Come on, no one else thought of the Wonder Twins when checking out the playtest article?

Kurald Galain
2008-10-14, 04:03 AM
Paladin: I kick ass for the Lord!


Buttkicking for goodness!

Bard: Wait, wait, wait, wait for next year's sourcebook.

bosssmiley
2008-10-14, 04:32 AM
Paladin: CLEAVE AND SMITE! YOU'RE HUGE! THAT MEANS YOU HAVE HUGE EVIL! CLEAVE AND SMITE! CLEAVE AND SMITE YOUR EVIL!

"Death surrounds me, yet in my head I hear something like angels. Lo, I have found the holy grail of smiterpower! Mine eyes can but weep as they bear witness to the majesty - the BFHoly Avenger 9000!"

Quietus
2008-10-14, 04:51 AM
Y'know, I'm going to keep quoting things until I run out of 'em:

Paladin: I kick ass for the Lord!

I wonder if anyone'll be able to track down where they all come from :smalltongue:

I believe it was referenced on Fear the Boot, but I'm not sure if it originated somewhere else.

KnightDisciple
2008-10-14, 04:54 AM
Paladin of Evil Deity: BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!

Dhavaer
2008-10-14, 05:24 AM
Darklock: Darkness, be my friend.
Helllock: I have walked the paths, the shadowed roads, that lead to Terror's breast. I have plumbed the depths of Hatred's womb, and scaled Destruction's crest.

Morty
2008-10-14, 05:27 AM
Paladin: Yo momma's so fat they're using a grapefruit as her minature!

Come on. You can't tell me noone has ever used "Yo momma" jokes when using Divine Challenge.

Charity
2008-10-14, 05:33 AM
Y'know, I'm going to keep quoting things until I run out of 'em:

Paladin: I kick ass for the Lord!

I wonder if anyone'll be able to track down where they all come from :smalltongue:

Braindead rocks, best zombie movie ever!
Peter Jackson isn't all about the hobbits.
... I would link the youtube of the scene in question, but it's pretty gory, (as is the rest of the film) and certainly doesn't slip in as PG, so you'll have to type the phrase into the search engine for yourselves I'm afraid.

My soon to be played Drow Paladin is going to be based loosely on the preacher, right down to the dodgy accent, hopefully he won't meet a similar fate.

Fighter: STOP, Hammertime.

bosssmiley
2008-10-14, 05:40 AM
Fighter: "I have come here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and the PHB equipment list was all out of bubblegum." :smallcool:

Rogue: "Yeah, that Errol Flynn."

Warlock: "CRAAAAAAAWLING IN MY SKIN. THESE WOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEAL!"

Wand implement Wizard: "This is my BOOMSTICK!"

Thanatos 51-50
2008-10-14, 05:53 AM
Staff wizard: Wait - you're telling me that after years of training - my special feature is that I can swing a stick in circles really fast?

Artful Dodger Rogue: You don't want to scratch my pretty face.

Artful Dodger Rogue: Because Wizards hasn't written a Swashbuckler class yet.

Paladin: Hit me! Not the squishy Mage!

Two-Weapon Ranger: Seriously? Whats with making me a two-weapon fighter?

Starlock: What do you mean, "Shut up, Emo Kid"?

Blood Mage: Did you seriously just call me an emo kid? I'm gunna cut myself and level this entire city block.

Vulion
2008-10-14, 06:30 AM
Barbarian: You think our rage... a weakness? Let me show you HOW WRONG YOU ARE!

Final Fantasy IV FTW!

P.S.: Edge rules!

Rogue: I'll be sure thank you right after I shank you!

Pie Guy
2008-10-14, 06:52 AM
Commoner: Hey, you four! There's an evil necromancer threatening to destroy the world, and... Wait! Where are you going? Please don't leave me alone. I'm so lonely.

Blackfang108
2008-10-14, 02:07 PM
Cleric: By the Black Feather, I shall rid the world of the curse of the undead. The Queen demands it.

Taclord: Ok, try plan B.
...
Plan C! Plan C!

Infernal Warlock: I sold my Soul for Rock and - What?
...
Ok, OK! I sold it for a bag of popcorn!

Siegel
2008-10-14, 02:35 PM
Barbarian : " WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH !!!! "

Cleric : " MAH LAZOR ! Imma firin' it. "

Darklock : " I wear black till i find something darker, come to the dark side, we have cookies "

Dwarfen Taclord : " All yer base ar belong us "

Wizard " I studieded years, the fine arts of the manipulation of the astral realm and now i use it TO ENGULF YOU IN FREAK'N FLAMES !!! "

" It burnes, burnes, burnes, the ring of fire, the ring of fire "


Dwarf " Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold "

Blackfang108
2008-10-15, 10:48 AM
Dwarf " Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold "

You're singing the second Verse!

Artanis
2008-10-15, 02:14 PM
Paladin: "CEASE AND REPENT!"

Shooty Ranger: I said a BOW string, not a G...gah, nevermind.

Taclord: I am the very model of a modern Major General.


Dragonborn: *bbbuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrpppp* ...oh dear, I seem to have set everybody on fire again.

Dwarf: Run, lads! Run! Leave me, I'll hold off the elephant as long as I can, but the only thing that can kill one is a flood of lava!



Edit: I wonder how many people will get the last one :smallcool:

Lord_Ventnor
2008-10-16, 03:44 AM
Cleric: And the Lord said "Thou must rain thy lasers down upon the heathens, for they are green, and warty, and smelleth pretty bad," and it was good. And the Lord said "Thou mayest heal as a minor action, for yeah, thy standard actions must be spent raining lasers on the warty heathens," and all was as the Lord saw fit.

Fighter: Did you just turn your back on me? AIN'T NOBODY GONNA TURN THEIR BACK ON ME!!!

Artificer: EUREKA!!!

Ranger: By the Power of Drizzt, I SHALL PREVAIL THIS DAY!!!

Wizard: So, you think you can get up close to me, and I'll be defenseless, right? Allow me to present my rebuttal. THUNDERWAVE!!!

bosssmiley
2008-10-16, 03:59 AM
Dwarf: Run, lads! Run! Leave me, I'll hold off the elephant as long as I can, but the only thing that can kill one is a flood of lava!


He cried in a whisper at some image, at
some vision, --he cried out twice, a cry that was no more than a breath--

"The Carp. The Carp!"

Losing is fun! :smallamused:

Tengu_temp
2008-10-16, 07:05 AM
Reference-tastic!

Warlord: My voice gives me super strength!

Tactical Warlord: Exactly as planned.

Inspiring Warlord: Do not go gentle into that good night - rage, rage against the dying of the light!

Inspiring Warlord 2: Be it impossible or absurd, we continue to follow the path of true men! If there's a wall, we'll tear it down! If there's no path, we'll make it with our own hands!

Rogue: I aim to misbehave.

Paladin: I am <name>, the Sword That Cleaves Evil!

Swordmage: I am <name>, the Sword of Magus!

Fighter or Assault Swordmage: I know what you're thinkin', punk. You're thinkin' did he use his immediate action for this round or not? Now to tell you the truth, I forgotten myself in all this excitement. But bein' this is a vorpal fullblade, the most powerful sword in the world, and it'll cut your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself a question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?

Artificer: Good, bad... I'm the guy with a gun!

Wizard: "This is not a trick! I did not get lucky! I am <name> - AND I AM IN CONTROL!

Raz_Fox
2008-10-16, 08:25 AM
In that vein, Tengu...

Artificer: FOR SCIENCE!!
Ranger: Ve hunt!
Fighter: Hy fight to keel!
Barbarian: I am sick to death of this!
Artful Dodger Rogue: Hey dere! Who vants to be my friend?!

Tengu_temp
2008-10-16, 10:14 AM
Orcus Slayer: Screw the rules, I have green hair!

Artanis
2008-10-16, 12:23 PM
Losing is fun! :smallamused:
Bingo :smallbiggrin:

NeoVid
2008-10-17, 02:18 AM
Insplord: All right, people, decapitate them until they surrender!

Roderick_BR
2008-10-17, 01:00 PM
Saw this thread in the Wizards Boards:

Warlord: HEY! SOLDIER! YOU'D BETTER HEAL UP THERE, OR SO HELP ME I'LL GO OVER THERE AND BEAT YOU UNTIL YOU HEAL!!!

Now imagine that being said in the voice of the Team Fortress 2's Soldier. :smallwink:



Taclord: Ok, try plan B.
...
Plan C! Plan C!

That won my day :smallbiggrin:

Okay, here's mine:
Paladin: Remember, don't cross the streams!
Cleric: Why, it would cause a total protonic reversal?
Paladin: No, because whenever you mark someone I'm marking, my mark stops working. These things don't stack.

Blackfang108
2008-10-17, 01:29 PM
Now imagine that being said in the voice of the Team Fortress 2's Soldier. :smallwink:

Nice.


That won my day :smallbiggrin:

Here's where I got it. (http://www.schlockmercenary.com/d/20040210.html)

EvilElitest
2008-10-17, 03:01 PM
Paladin: Yo momma's so fat they're using a grapefruit as her minature!

Come on. You can't tell me noone has ever used "Yo momma" jokes when using Divine Challenge.

.....you are an evil man
from
EE